After over year since my last story an exciting story in the Jake Hard saga is here.
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The room was cold and illuminated only by a neon green bulb. The room smelt of damp and blood, where those who were foolish enough to cross Maxwell Fenton, the owner of the room and some of Neocron’s seedier sights, were tortured, mutilated and killed. Sometimes not in that order. Maxwell sat at his desk surrounded by his suited cronies as an eerie silence drifted over the dank little room. Jake Hard, private eye, sat in an uncomfortable wooden chair with an anxious look on his face. Maxwell removed his sleek black shades from his face, put his hand through his whitish hair and uttered a single phrase that ended the silence.
“Ass to mouth.”
“What?” replied Jake.
“You ever seen that shit? I mean my girls don’t do that stuff – they’re clean girls. But I hear some of those hookers that work with Black Dragon are into that stuff. Can you believe it?”
“It’s a weird world. I’m guessin’ that you asked me to come here to discuss more than sex acts and to actually do some form of business.”
Maxwell adjusted his tie and reclined back in his black leather chair with ease. He pulled a data cube from inside his jacket and threw it at Jake who clumsily caught it.
“This is a manifesto of the cargo that will be put on board the Elektra, a sturdy hover carrier that I use for smuggling. As you can see I’ve got a nice stockpile of high grade drugs, the finest the Tsunami Syndicate has to offer.”
“It also says here you’re exporting a large herd of droms. I thought I was the only one into that sort of thing.” said Jake with a gleeful smile.
“Err…actually they are a decoy should the authorities search the carrier for contraband. Should you get cornered by NCPD you can simply explain you are delivering droms to deprived farmers in the wastelands. Hopefully this wont happen and you will deliver the drugs to the Dome of York where my associates will procure them off you. It’s hard to find good help these days. You have a reputation for getting a job done.”
“Wait, you want me, a man of the law, to smuggle drugs to Dome of York! No way. Drugs cause addiction, and addiction causes slavery.”
“You will be paid a hefty sum of money for your services.”
“Actually having said that some of my good friends are addicts.”
“Also I will let my girls service you. These girls are fine attractive women. They are unbelievably sexually frustrated, like a librarian that just got out of prison.”
“Deal!” shouted Jake.
“Excellent. However, I know this is going to be no easy task for you so I’ve assigned some people to help execute your mission. Follow me and I’ll introduce you to your team mates.”
Jake followed Maxwell and his men down winding abysmal halls till they reached a rather rustic hangar. There the Elektra was being loaded with shipments of drugs and droms, a strange a combination to be sure. Maxwell took Jake to a trio of scruffy looking characters.
“Jake”, announced Maxwell, “These are the people who will be offering a helping hand on this mission.”
Jake eyed them up and down. He especially eyed the young bookish girl with glasses and a ragged lab coat.
“This plucky young lady is Vix Hulson, a scientist and the creator of some of the drugs created here.” said Maxwell smiling.
“Pleasure to meet you”, said Vix donning a cute grin.
“This guy is Tenrec, he’s Elektra’s surly mechanic and general middle aged grouch.”
“Hey, don’t even think about using the toilet on Elektra. Thing’s backed up.”, said Tenrec. He spat on the floor, which was the only solid to pass his lips that morning.
“And lastly the token black guy who says mother fucker a lot and will more than likely die towards the end saving everyone else. His name is Malcolm.”
“Yo, motherfucker.”
“Now that I’ve introduced you to everyone I’d like to remind you to be here tomorrow morning when the Elektra is finally prepped. Try not to be late.”
Jake did a bit of small talk with the trio and soon departed from Maxwell’s underground hangar. Jake felt uneasy about this mission, he’d never really smuggled anything and he usually foiled criminals rather than help them. On the other hand Jake was finding it hard to get work and money was nearly nonexistent. Jake was facing tough times, which would get tougher when he reached the Protopharma clinic for an urgent appointment.
Jake entered the medical white doctor’s office, adorned with diagrams and equipment with a feeling of dread. The doctor occupying this room was a short, balding, spectacled man with a moustache. He spoke in a very nasally voice when he greeted Jake.
“Ah, Mr….Hard is it? Please sit down.”
Jake sat in a very soft white chair and clasped his sweaty hands together.
“Well, I have some good news and some bad news, Mr. Hard.”
“Okay, Doc. Gimme the bad first.”
“You test results from last week came through…they’re not good. We’ve discovered a brain tumour, a deadly one at that. You only have a few days to live I’m afraid.”
“Oh shit! What about the good news?”
“You know that beautiful big titted receptionist you saw outside my office?”
“Yes…”
“I’m screwing her.”
“Good for you! Now on to more pressing issues such as me dieing and being a bloated corpse!”
“You wont become a bloated corpse. First your head will swell and you’ll suffer a slow agonising death and…”
“SHUT UP! I want to know what can be done!”
“The technology we have can remove the tumour with a 100% success rate. However, you don’t have any medical insurance and so you are going to have to pay for the operation. Although that will be costly. Something to the tune of 100,000 credits.”
“Oh…”
Jake still had a flicker of hope left in him. He had only but a few days left to live, but he would be embarking on a well paid smuggling mission that could pay for the operation. But the mission was dangerous and he knew it would take a few days to complete. Precious days. Jake was now facing the most difficult mission he had ever taken.
“I’m sorry but before you go could you sign this form stating that in the event of your death that we can harvest your organs for mutant children.”
The doctor reached into his breast pocket, pulled out a rectal thermometer and handed it to Jake.
“Hey, this isn’t a pen! It’s a rectal thermometer!” exclaimed Jake.
“It is? Damn, some assholes got my pen.”
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12-07-07, 17:57 #1Bitter Veteran
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Jake Hard: Droms on a Hover Carrier
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12-07-07, 18:16 #2Final Boss of the Internet
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funny stuff jake 
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12-07-07, 18:17 #3Bitter Veteran
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Click the masterworks link in my sig for all my other stories
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12-07-07, 18:20 #4Nah fuck it, turn it off
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Ha Ha, Very good, I liked it. Nice bit of humour in there too, but to be expected from you really
Check your PM's
Originally Posted by jini
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12-07-07, 20:05 #5Andy is a ginger minger.
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Haha ive allways enjoyed reading your sexeh stories
Originally Posted by Zheo
roleplay? Neocron? You must be joking look for Ashwatts I heard he role plays
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12-07-07, 20:14 #6Spermy made my hands messy :'(
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:O this is the best possible birthday gift for assman
07-14-2008 14:13:43 > Snowcrash is just chilling with us cool people
07-14-2008 14:13:43 > OOC> KK_Snowcrash : making asurmen drop his pants
Originally Posted by Nidhogg
Because you prefer it from behind?
N
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12-07-07, 20:22 #7Final Boss of the Internet
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Drom sex?
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12-07-07, 20:39 #8Spermy made my hands messy :'(
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I can dream
07-14-2008 14:13:43 > Snowcrash is just chilling with us cool people
07-14-2008 14:13:43 > OOC> KK_Snowcrash : making asurmen drop his pants
Originally Posted by Nidhogg
Because you prefer it from behind?
N
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13-07-07, 03:14 #9Registered User
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Ill totally get you a drom for your Bday =P
...now where the fucks my net?He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool; avoid him.
He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a student; teach him.
He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep; wake him.
He who knows and knows that he knows is a wise man; follow him.
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13-07-07, 12:06 #10Here since january 04
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Excellent as always, now where is the rest?
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14-07-07, 14:49 #11Spermy made my hands messy :'(
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Infact, with a story with droms I better be in here..
Or I'll cry :'(
07-14-2008 14:13:43 > Snowcrash is just chilling with us cool people
07-14-2008 14:13:43 > OOC> KK_Snowcrash : making asurmen drop his pants
Originally Posted by Nidhogg
Because you prefer it from behind?
N
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14-07-07, 19:46 #12Registered User
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We want Moar!
He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool; avoid him.
He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a student; teach him.
He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep; wake him.
He who knows and knows that he knows is a wise man; follow him.
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14-07-07, 22:19 #13Bitter Veteran
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Expect the next part in the next 48 hours give or take.
I have to find and channel the funneh
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15-07-07, 02:27 #14Registered User
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Woo! How about a drom humping Jake instead of Jake humping a drom?
He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool; avoid him.
He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a student; teach him.
He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep; wake him.
He who knows and knows that he knows is a wise man; follow him.
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15-07-07, 17:38 #15Bitter Veteran
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Part 2
Here we go...
************************************
Alan Ferguson was a director of operations at Tangent Technologies, which allowed him to go to the finest dinner parties in Neocron. He would socialise with other people of similar ilk and enjoy the best food, best wine and the finest drugs. However, tragedy struck him one day when he donned his best suit and found a nice bottle of wine to give to the host at a rather fancy dinner party, where all of Neocron’s upper-class citizens would be. He simply stepped into the gene replicator; set the destination to the party and he teleported. He arrived at the party in good timing and shocked everyone with his presence.
Mostly because he was inside out.
CEO’s, directors and their mistresses shrieked in horror as they looked at the twitching inside out remains of Alan. This annoyed the host greatly because it had ruined a very nice party and Alan had brought the wrong kind of wine too. City Admin and other officials looked into the matter and found faults in a few gene replicators. Fearing that citizens would be replicated in a embarrassing fashion, possibly ruining more parties or people’s appetites, City Admin allowed that all gene replicators should be turned offline till the problem was fixed and persuaded other factions to do likewise.
This made trade difficult and meant that most people would have to use vehicles to get to destinations. Equally, smuggling became hard and barons and crime lords would commission hover carriers for smuggling operations. One such carrier, the Elektra, was now embarking on such a smuggling mission with our intrepid hero Jake Hard inside…
“We should reach the Dome in a few hours as long as there are no interruptions.” said Tenrec lighting up another cigar.
Jake, Vix, Tenrec and Malcolm were all seated in the cockpit, watching the wasteland unfold in front of them through the view screen as they flew high in the sky.
“You like this ship, Jake? State of the motherfucking art, motherfucker.” said Malcolm.
“Just seems like a normal carrier to me.” replied Jake, looking very pale.
“Hell no, motherfucker! How many motherfucking cup holders do you see?”
“Er…five.”
“Five motherfucking cup holders! Now ya standard motherfucking carrier has two motherfucking cup holders. But the Elektra is a feat of motherfucking engineering by having five motherfucking cup holders! If motherfucking aliens from the planet Motherfucker or whatever came and invaded us in their motherfucking ships, they would have only 4 cup holders at best, motherfucker. I believe the more motherfucking cup holders there is the more advance the technology. Understand, motherfucker?”
“Er…yeah.”
The droms in the cargo hold started to groan and bleat. Droms are not used to flying and they were becoming restless. Tenrec and Malcolm left the cockpit to go feed the droms in the hope they would maybe sleep. Jake and Vix were left alone. Vix scooted over to where Jake was sitting and gave him a comfortable grin.
“You okay? You look really pale, Jake.”
“Well…I…don’t want to alarm you…”
“It’s fine. Just give it to me straight and don’t sugar coat it.”
“I’ve been visited by the cancer fairy…”
“That’s sugar coating it.”
“Oh…sorry.”
“What are doing here?”
“I need the money for an operation. I didn’t really want to say anything because Maxwell would take me off the mission. Plus I might not get laid.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Yeah, I really want to get laid.”
“No, I’m sorry about the cancer.”
“Oh…that’s sweet. You know…you have really pretty eyes.”
“Really?”
“Yes…especially the left one.”
“You don’t talk to many women do you?”
Tenrec and Malcolm soon came back to the cockpit and took there respective seats. Malcolm turned up the stereo to drown out the sound of the bleating droms. Jake could feel a splitting headache coming on, his vision grew blurry and he felt sick. He felt he would soon lose consciousness…
“Jake! Got shut them motherfucking droms up!”
Jake perked up. He stumbled out the cockpit and into the cargo hold. He was surrounded by droms and crates of drugs in a dark cargo hold. It wasn’t the best conditions. Jake stumbled over to a barrel of drom feed, stepping in droppings along the way. It was empty. The droms continued to bleat in their restlessness.
“Muuuuuurrrrrrppppp” they cried.
Jake couldn’t stand them. Stupid creatures he thought. He then had a bright idea! A genius plan he thought. A way to solve the situation.
Dose them.
Jake opened a crate of drugs and took a few vials. Only a few so the buyers wouldn’t notice. He then proceeded to inject each drom. As he did he saw their eyes dilate and they shook a little, they just stood motionless, as if in a trance. They stopped moaning. That was certain. Jake relished his little victory, and thought that he obviously did have detective smarts.
He triumphantly strutted into the cockpit and sat down with a smug grin on his face.
Everyone looked at him.
“What the hell did you do, motherfucker? Those motherfuckers have stopped.”
“Jake and droms - I don’t want to know what he did. Heh heh” said Tenrec taking a puff on his cigar.
“Oh I just gave them some petting and some feed. Quite pleasant creatures really.” said Jake still smug in his accomplishment.
Tenrec poked his head out the cockpit door which lead to the cargo hold.
MUUUURRRRRRPPPPP!
A drom shrieked as it ripped Tenrec’s head off. Its eyes were bloodshot and it was foaming at the mouth. Jake was horrified and kicked the drom out the cockpit. He then quickly shut the door and held onto it, desperately trying to keep it shut.
“Did you see that?! That motherfucker bit his motherfucking head off!”
The droms roared in the cargo hold and began ramming the cock pit door. Jake was even paler now, probably due to the headless corpse near him.
“Oh no! How did this happen? They must have ingested the combat drugs somehow?” said Vix searching amongst a tool box.
“Combat drugs??? Those droms sure are curious creatures aren’t they.” said Jake, faking a smile.
The droms rammed harder.
“Stand back Jake, I’m going to weld the door shut.” said Vix igniting a welding torch.
Jake stood back as Vix welded the door. Malcolm loaded up a large cannon type weapon and checked for extra ammo. Jake stood in awe of this huge weapon, made him feel inadequate.
Malcolm looked at Jake and frowned.
“We got some doped up droms trying to bite our motherfucking heads off. That motherfucking door isn’t going to hold out against those motherfuckers for long. Good job I bought my favourite motherfucking gun. I love this motherfucker. I even named it.”
“Let me think…you named it the big motherfucking gun.”
“No. I named it Wendy. Why the motherfucking hell would I call it that motherfucker?!”
“Just a guess.”
Malcolm cocked his gun and poised it at the door. The droms rammed the door harder and harder. Jake and Vix stood back waiting for there doom. Malcolm grit his teeth.
“I AM TIRED OF THESE MOTHERFUCKING DROMS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING HOVER CARRIER!"Last edited by Hell-demon; 15-07-07 at 17:41.
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