1. #16
    Bitter Veteran Hell-demon's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 2002
    Location
    England. I think...
    Posts
    4,374

    Default

    more to come tomorrow

    **********************

    “Vell vell Mista Hard, looks like you’re a bit…how can I put zis…TIED UP har har har!” bellowed Colonel Von Krutz in his long black trench coat waving a German Luger pistol in his robotic hand.

    Jake Hard, Private Detective, was chained to a metal pole outside some military barracks with a firing squad of five men with guns poised squarely on him. Squirming next to Colonel Von Krutz was the busty and beautiful millionaire scientist Dorothy Pussywillow, whose arm was being held onto by Von Krutz. She struggled to get free of Von Krutz grasp but it was of little use.

    “Any last vords Mista Hard?” quipped Von Krutz with a cruel smile.

    “Yes, get better chains”

    With these words Jake broke free of his chains with his bare hands.

    “GUARDZ FREI FREI!” yelled Von Krutz.

    Jake jumped into the air dodging bullets in the process that were being fired at him by the firing squad. He delivered a round house kick to one of the guards which sent him flying into another guard and so forth causing a domino effect. Von Krutz aimed at Jake with his Luger but Jake quickly picked up a subdued guard off the ground and threw him at Von Krutz. Von Krutz was knocked to the ground by the thrown guard.

    Dorothy ran up to Jake and kissed him passionately. Von Krutz and the guards quickly scrambled to their feet and aimed their guns at Jake and Dorothy. Dorothy gasped in fright.

    “Don’t worry hun, I’ve got protection.” said Jake activating his deflector belt.

    A shower of bullets ricocheted off Jake’s deflector field. The guards fired round after round but were soon left with no more ammo.

    “Got a toothpick cutey?”

    Dorothy withdrew a toothpick from under her silk red dress and handed it to Jake. Jake spied Von Krutz reloading his Luger. Jake threw the toothpick at Von Krutz and decapitated him. The guards ran away in horror.

    “Oh Jake!” cooed Dorothy as she flung herself in his arms and kissed him passionately. Jake was feeling really happy now.

    “Take me up the arse!” Dorothy cried.

    Then everything seemed to melt.

    VIRTUAL REALITY SIMULATION HALTED. PLEASE PAY 1000 CREDITS TO CONTINUE

    “Fuck!” yelled Jake.
    I’m going to become rich and famous after I invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet.

  2. #17
    Spermy made my hands messy :'( Asurmen Spec Op's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Not looking at porn >.>
    Posts
    3,522

    Default

    haaahahahahahaha

    07-14-2008 14:13:43 > Snowcrash is just chilling with us cool people
    07-14-2008 14:13:43 > OOC> KK_Snowcrash : making asurmen drop his pants

    Quote Originally Posted by Nidhogg
    Because you prefer it from behind?

    N

  3. #18
    Here since january 04 nellus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Littleport, Ely
    Posts
    540

    Default

    LOL very funny. We want more

  4. #19
    Hiding from the mafia RusSki's Avatar
    Join Date
    October 2005
    Location
    In a match box, its cosy
    Posts
    451

    Default

    LOL that was brilliant. I like your style of writing and humour.

    Quote Originally Posted by RogerRamjet
    lol, just lol. I mean, really LOL. If there was a case bigger than upper case, i'd be typing LOL in it now.

  5. #20
    [SiL ~ SeL] sanityislost's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 2003
    Location
    In your blind spot
    Posts
    2,385

    Default

    Heh very damn sweet dude >_<

    SiL ..:..

  6. #21
    Bitter Veteran Hell-demon's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 2002
    Location
    England. I think...
    Posts
    4,374

    Default

    taaa daaa

    ********************

    Jake Hard grumpily entered his crummy apartment. He took out his pistol and placed it on his untidy desk littered with papers and porn mags. He stopped what he was doing and noticed a package on his desk. Jake carefully opened it. To his delight it was a bumper pack of woolly socks he had ordered. He was so depressed he stuffed the entire lot down his trousers.

    There was a knock at the door...

    Jake opened his apartment door to be greeted by a teenager in some scabby clothes holding a brain in a jar.

    “What the fuck kid! What the hell are you doing with a frickin’ brain in a jar?”

    “Ignore him, Shleck here thinks he’s a mutant. We need your help finding this poor bastards’ parents,” said Yolin.

    Jake backed away, sat at his desk and sneakily grabbed his pistol in case any weird shit happened.

    “Well, I know some people down at Protopharm who could do a blood test and trace the DNA to any matches on the city admin data base. However, this wont be cheap and I’m going to need payment.” said Jake as he folded his arms.

    “Er… I have 500 creds! Wow it’s so nice to meet another deformed person! This place is really weird. We took a hover cab to Plaza, harassed a Copbot and…and…oh a stripper in Pepper Park showed me her vagina!” said Shleck.

    An eerie silence filled the room.

    “Rrrrriiiiiiiiiight. Okay kid, no time like the present, let’s gets you to the Protopharm lab.”

    Three hours later and Shleck had the results from the Protopharm Lab. The results were proof enough that he was not a mutant. His parents, George and Emma Griff, were part of a clean up crew sent into Regants Legacy for military purposes. None returned. Shleck’s parents were believed to have been devoured by a large entity, which was apparent from the bite marks left on George’s foot, which was found at the scene.

    However, Shleck received a bountiful life insurance fund from his deceased parents, which could was used promptly to buy a large arsenal of weaponry to be delivered to the Industrial sector. Jake and Yolin accompanied Shleck.

    “Okay kid, I came all the way out here to help you with your guns but now I got to go.” said Jake rather nervously.

    “Did you…did you…just shit yourself?” said Shleck sniffing the air.

    “Kid, I’m out of here!” yelled Jake.

    “Wait! I need you to help me get all this stuff to my family and friends!”

    “Oh great, more fucked up little retards…”

    “You should feel right at home then wont you,” mumbled Grandpa Yolin.

    After a bit of coercion, Jake finally agreed to help Shleck. The trio travelled deep into the Outzone hauling crates of armaments. But when they reached Shleck’s home they found the place in ruin and strewed with debris. Shleck whimpered and look at the charred corpses surrounding him. He noticed the charred remains of the mutant girl next door and he rushed over to her.

    “It’s Krela…she’s dead. I loved her…isn’t she beautiful, Jake?”

    Jake looked at the crispy corpse; it’s horrid teeth pointing out of it’s burnt face.

    “Er…sure kid. Hey, I’d hit that,” said Jake with a look of bemusement.

    The trio heard a murmur from a pile of smouldering debris. A burnt hand stretched forth from the rubble. Shleck realised it was Gromm and quickly helped him out. Shleck rested Gromm’s head against his arm.

    “You’ve returned…it’s good to see you...Shleck…”

    Gromm was spluttering his words at this point. He was suffering internal bleeding.

    “It’s okay! I brought weapons and stuff from the outside world. We can stop the Geno-toxics!”

    “The bastards…burnt down…the shack and killed the other mutants. Father Rechta…. don’t trust him. The weapons never were for us…they were for them. You have to stop them Shleck!”

    “Okay…Gromm I found out that I’m not a mutant. I’m a fleshy. But it was very nice that you took care of me.”

    “You were the best son I never had. I’m proud of you…”

    With those last words Gromm died in Shleck’s arms.

    “Come on kid, lets get out of here. I really need to change my underwear,” said Jake.

    “No. Let’s finish this!” said Shleck closing Gromm’s eyelids shut.

    Shleck armed himself with a gatlin cannon and gave Jake a liberator SMG. The trio went deeper into the Outzone evading and killing Geno-toxics along the way. Eventually the trio arrived at the abandoned church, which seemed to be housing a very large entity inside. Jake blew open the church doors with a trash grenade and the trio raided the building only to stop in horror.

    A towering creature of limbs and flesh was staring at them. It was the Geno-toxic Nightmare. By its side was Father Rechta. The Nightmare looked directly at Shleck.

    “Aaaahhhh Shhhhleck… you haff dun well to bring the weapons to ussss. Now you can join the rankssss of the Geno-toxics. You will no longer be different…you will belong. Do you not see? The Geno-toxic are the next step to a greater gooood for all mutaunts. Join ussss…” said Rechta gleering at Shleck.

    "HiS ScEnT IsssSSSs farMIliAr…I kNoW oF His FleSh…" said the Nightmare stepping a bit closer.

    Shleck backed away slightly in horror.

    “You…you killed my parents!” yelled Shleck.

    The Nightmare roared and Rechta cackled.

    “Join ussss Shhhhleck”

    “My name is William”

    Shleck fired a round of gatlin ammo at Rechta blowing chucks of bone and flesh from his scrawny body killing him instantly. The Nightmare roared and Jake was panicking. Jake was holding Yolin in one hand, so he threw the jar at the Nightmare. Yolin flew through the air screaming and his flight ended as his jar smashed against the Nightmare’s head. The Nightmare screamed. Yolin flopped onto the floor with a satisfying squelch.

    “Ah! Moisture I need moisture!” yelled Yolin squirming on the floor.

    Jake ran away leaving Shleck to face the Nightmare alone. The Nightmare swiped at Shleck, it knocked Shleck over and caused his gatlin cannon to slip from his grasp and clamber a foot away from Shleck. The Nightmare drew ever closer to Shleck and was very close to devouring him and reuniting him with his biological parents. In an act of defiance, Yolin squiggled over to the Nightmare and secreted the last of his slippery moisture near the Nightmare’s feet. The Nightmare slipped on the gooey substance, toppling over and landing at Shleck’s feet. Shleck rolled towards his gatlin cannon, grabbed it firmly and fired round after round at the Nightmare. The Nightmare was dead.

    Without leadership the Geno-toxics disbanded and retreated the Outzone. Shleck gave the remaining mutants weapons to defend themselves and he won respect within mutant society. Yolin got himself a new jar as we living his usual disgruntled life. Shleck packed his bags and decided to leave the Outzone to peruse a happy and fruitful life in Neocron. The mutants waved Shleck, and Yolin who decided to tag along, goodbye as they left the Outzone. Shleck, or William as he was now going to be, was happy that things were going to be new and exciting.

    The pair waited at the Outzone station awaiting the next hover cab to take them on their next adventure.

    “Hey, William…can we got to Pepper Park?”

    “Yes. Yes we can Yolin.”


    THE END
    I’m going to become rich and famous after I invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet.

  7. #22
    Banned User Bugs Gunny's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 2004
    Location
    As stated above
    Posts
    4,622

    Default

    I loved that.

    You should get a regular collumn in the neocronicle.
    Have jake hard write a collumn, like sex in the city, but something neocron related.

  8. #23
    Bitter Veteran Hell-demon's Avatar
    Join Date
    September 2002
    Location
    England. I think...
    Posts
    4,374

    Default

    Would the Neocronicle let me do that?
    I’m going to become rich and famous after I invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet.

  9. #24
    Here since january 04 nellus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Littleport, Ely
    Posts
    540

    Default

    Excellent keep them coming PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •