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Jake Hard: The Musical
A flow of inspirationed rocked me in the shower like it usually does. I present to you the ever so cheesy Jake Hard the musical. Two stories upcoming this xmas...aren't you all lucky.
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The bleak neon glow of degrading signs flitted in Pepper Park. A lone figure walked down the dusty trash ridden alleys of the sector. The figure approached a nearby lamp post. He leant on it and looked up at the cold dark sky. He began to sing to himself.
"When evil threatens all life
And peril and danger is rife
When everything is at stake
They send in me, good ol’ Jake
Because I’m Hard yes I’m Hard so very very Hard!
Do you want proof? Have my business card!
I am fumbling I am bumbling
My sex life is crumbling
I’m horny and I’m corny
As I’m sure you’ve heard the story
I maaaaybe a slob
But that doesn’t stop meeeeeeee
From a doing a half-assed job!
Because I’m Hard yes I’m Hard as I’m sure you know!
I’ll take any lady I can get I’m always good to go!
I am a detective of a sexual perverted kind
But I have always kicked any villains behind
I take my time with every single case
And still prove myself to be a public disgrace!
Because I’m Hard yes I’m Hard can you not see!
I am Jake Hard and Jake Hard- is -me!"
Jake with all him excitement rushed down to the pussy club to score. But as usual Jake failed. He always did. Down hearted he collected a bottle of whisky from his local snacks bar and retired to his crummy appartment. When he reached his appartment he had drunk the entire whisky, clumsily broke the door getting in and flopped onto his bed. It creaked under his weight.
Just as Jake was about to catch some Z's then molest them in his wet dreams, there was a knock at the door. Jake wearily got up and opened the door.
Jake saw standing there a plump old man with a withering grey moustache and a bald spot.
"Oh thank goodness its you Mr. Hard" he exclaimed
"What do you want?" said Jake grogilly.
"My name is Malcolm Cob. I need you help my daughter is wanted by a leader of a drugs gang....." before Malcolm could finish Jake was already closing his broken door.
"Wait please hear me out!" cried Malcolm.
"Ok buddy I'm listening"
"Heeee was a man of ill repute
And after a long and laborious dispute
He shot my daughter’s fiancé dead
And forced her to give him head
But she managed to escape his evil grasp
And with her fist firmly clasped
Punched him square in the jaw
And as he fell to the floor
She ran and she raaaaaan
So Mr. Hard-"
Please call me Jake
I really can’t care for goodness sake!
Listen I need you to protect my daughter
Someone neeeeds toooo save her!
Listen bub it’s a job for City Mercs
Tried ‘em they’re just petty minded jerks
What I need is a man like you
Who knows he has a job to do
Please you must do this for meee
If not for my daughter……
She still has her virginity!
Well now you’ve got yourself a deeeeal
It’s in my power I do feeeeel
To stop this mad man! This psychopath!
For he will feel my almighty wrath!
He will feel the might of a man who sings!
And with your daughter I’ll break a few bedsprings!
Oh my
Curtain Drops
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I have a sudden urge to get some of my friends and act this out
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me and a couple of friends are going to act it out when you finish and film it :o
