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How bad will your day be? Let me paint a picture....
Ben gets hit in the head by a flying APC. His head remains attached but its not working too well. The signals to the rest of his body fail and he falls to the ground in a state of paralysis, eyes wide open staring up. Along walks Roseanne who seeing this paralysed man face up decides to sit on his head. Ben tastes brocolli...
Antics ensue.
Would that be a bad day for ya? Now shhh before I make you MJS's personal asswiper for all eternity.
NERD Issue # 032
Robert & Pie
Recently, the offices of NERD Inc. were beseiged for several weeks, causing a delay in service. This beseigement was in the form of petitioning and protesting by the Culture Revitilisation Association of Neocron's Knowledgeable Yuppies or CRANKY for short. As a result, after fighting a losing battle all this time, NERD is proud to bring you (under duress) a tale we had not intended to tell, of love and hate, of bitter rivalries and star-crossed runners...
[Curtain rises]
[Scene: Zone 28, Null Sector of the Universe]
[Enter NERD Editor (hereby known as Narrator)]
Narrator: Two clanholds, both alike in dignity
In Fair Neocron, where we lay our scene
From pointless grudge to new anarchy,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes (no kinky thoughts here people),
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whose misadventur'd piteous overthrows (what did I just say?)
Doth (doth?) with their death bury their parents' strife (and themselves),
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage, (parents with issues)
Which, but their children's end, naught could remove (obviously no family therapy around...)
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient eyes read,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.
[Narrator departs and takes a Panadol]
[Scene: Nowhere in particular in the Wastelands]
[Enter Maegis Taran, philosopher and Monk]
Maegis: Ahh, be it a good day for walking, for talking, for talking to thine self.
[Enter Dajuda, who beareth a headache]
Dajuda: What doth thou havest against I? Whyest musteth thou torture mine mind?
Maegis: Foul fiend, I hurt thee not, now begone like the blackard that thou is!
(Dajuda pulls out the script with Cliff notes and finds out what a 'blackard' is)
Dajuda: You insult me sir! I demand satisfaction *pulls of Psi Gauntlet and slaps Maegis across the face with it*
Maegis: Hate at thee scoundrel *the two fight*
[Enter Ithaqua, Leader of NUTS]
[Enter Evil-Eye, Leader of GEF]
Ithaqua: What sorcery possesses thee? Leave my man be!
Evil-Eye: Nay! You and yours hath started this!
Ithaqua: Do you bite your thumb at me sir?
(Everyone stops and pulls out the script and cliff notes. After determining that biting one's thumb is an insult, they carry on)
Evil-Eye: Aye, I bite my thumb at you sir! *bites thumb, fingernail flies off and strikes Ithaqua in the eye*
Ithaqua: NUTS!!! To me!
Evil-Eye: Flood! Fire! Fiends!!
Narrator: Nice alliteration!
Everyone: SHUT UP!!
Narrator: Sorry. *everyone fights for a time till the curtain falls and hits a lot of them*
[Scene: Robert Bliss' Plaza 3 Apartment. Robert sits by the window, sighing to himself]
[Enter Maegis, far less philosophical and far more bruised than a scene ago]
Maegis: A triple-damned curse on those GEF, for they striketh like wenches, softly, but beloweth the belt. What troubles thee, my young Robert?
Robert: I fear my heart is broken, dear Maegis.
Maegis: Well we can just repair it and reimplant it... and don't call me dear.
Robert: No, this loneliness I feel within me, makes my chest ache and my knees weak. If only I could pluck it from my chest!
Maegis: Again I sayeth, get the implant tool.
Robert: Here me Maegis. I long for the love of a true woman, but none can be found.
Maegis: Ohhhhh, now I see *Maegis finishes implanting his eye* Now, what were thou saying?
Robert: If only one could live without woman! Would not life be so much simpler?
Maegis: Not really, then you'd spend the rest of your life with your hands in your pants.
(Big Red Subtitles Slam Down "VULGAR TRUTH!!!!")
Robert: I shall never leaveth this room again, I cannot beareth the pain.
Maegis: There be a party, hosted by GEF this eve.
Robert: GEF, pah.
Maegis: Pah, yes, but should it not be fun to crasheth their festivities? Come, let us plague ourselves upon their merriment.
Robert: Very well, but only because you wish it.
[Scene: Plaza 3 Shops. Pie roams the shops looking for a bargain with her attendant DIO]
Pie: The party's tonight. I need to roxxor somebody's ballzor fast or my horny ass won't be able to take it.... sex....sex....sex.
DIO: M'Lady, thou shouldest followeth the script and behave proper.
Pie: ...Sex...Sex... what? What script? Oh.... sorry, fed it to my pet MechTurtle. Now where's the bitch that runs this shop? Ah here he is. How much for the push up bra battlevest?
Shopkeeper: That exquisite garment, that would wrappest itself around thine glorious figure as if it were....
Pie: Yeah yeah, quit tryin ta kiss my ass dude, whats the price?
Shopkeeper: ... 14, 978cr m'lady.
Pie: Aww come on, you can do me a better deal than that.
Shopkeeper: My apologies m'lady, but your humble servant couldn't possibly *Pie whips up her top and flashes the shopkeeper*
Shopkeeper: 5k m'lady. *they make the purchase, and Pie struts off to see if she can purchase a Dildo of Maven before lunch*
[Scene: GEF Party. Guards protect the entrance, but it be a Mask Party. All attendees come wearing special Helmet]
Maegis: See here! Now we shall play upon our unsuspecting hosts, ey Robert? Ro...Robert??? *looks around but cannot find Robert*
[Enter Maximillian Twilight]
Max: You there!! You don't belong here!
Maegis: Now would be an appropriate time to make a dramatic, yet subtle exit through arched doors yonder... *while talking to himself again, Maegis is captured and hauled out the back where he receives the beating of a lifetime*
[Scene: Top of stairwell. Robert is looking antsy]
Robert: All these fair maidens, and not a drop of love for I. The world is too cruel
[Enter Pie, wearing Megaman helmet, saying Eyyy to everyone she sees. She stops just next to Robert, but does not look at him]
Pie: Sex....
Robert: Yes, the fine art of sex... where might I find a woman loving enough to impart sex upon me?
Pie: Sex... sex...
Robert: Where would I find a woman with enough love to repeatedly giveth me sex.
Pie: Sex ur ballz off luver-boy!!!
(the two turn to each other, and lift their masks. Perverse tongue sucking action ensues. Evil-Eye, Pie's father, begins to head their way)
Pie: Find me, and I'll roxxor ur world babey!!
Robert: Where goeth my Megaman shaped Angel??
Pie: I must flee, for my father be here!
Robert: Your father? *sees irate Evil-eye* Nooo, my sex-starved Angel is my mortal enemy!
Pie: (yells back) I'm open-minded to ALL forms of sex!
Robert: ... but I won't hold it against her.
[Scene: Alley behind GEF party]
Robert: Ahh, my sweet angel, I must see her again... eh.... Maegis? What r u doing in the trash?
Maegis: I have become one with my inner self!
Robert: Thine inner self is garbage?
Maegis: Never mind, who be this angel you uttereth about?
Robert: I hath seen her Maegis, she lighteth my life. But alas, she be GEF!!
Maegis: Woe to thee, how can she be your light of life?
Robert: *whispers her measurements to Maegis*
Maegis: You Must Pursue her!!!
Robert: Wish me well, my friend!
Maegis: Go forth and get booteh!! *members of CRANKY show up from the shadows to beat Maegis up for not following the script* NOOOOO.
[Scene: The Balcony Scene. Pie's doing her nails on the balcony. Robert is enjoying the view from below. Maegis is dying under a bush nearby]
Pie: Robert, oh, Robert, oh? Where's your monkey ass to give me sweaty pleasure?
*Robert stands at attention, in more ways than one*
Robert: Pie!
Pie: Robert? Get yo ass up here and do it to me.... sex... sex
(At this point Evil-Eye enters Pie's room)
Pie: Crap, the olds is here! Meet me in secret tomorrow, and bring lubricant!
(Robert continues to stand at attention. Maegis, despite having 12 broken ribs, is silently cheering him on.
[Scene: Gratuitous Sex Scene in secret]
Narrator: Ohhhhh... yeah.... (the rest was edited out by CRANKY before publishing. Needless to say Pie and Robert got it on).
[Scene: Abbey of Crahn]
Some Monk dude: I hereby pronounce you husband and wife!
Pie: What? What happened? How'd I get here?
Robert: *points behind them at the Morality Police of CRANKY*
Pie: Oh...
Robert: Well, I suppose being married won't be so bad, just another excuse to do more of what we were doing all night long *Robert starts gyrating*
Pie: *slaps hand to head* You mean for the 5 minutes before you fell asleep?
Robert: Say something hun?
Pie: I Don't wanna be married!! Forget it! I want a divorce!
CRANKY: Divorce is forbidden!
Pie: *hauls out spitfire and annihilates them, then pulls out stilleto and stabs Robert right where it hurts the most*
Robert: *Pulls knife out of wallet* Arghhh... Why? *dies*
Pie: No Divorce? Fine, I'll be a widow
Robert: *pulls his own stilleto and stabs Pie where it will hurt HER the most*
Pie: My breast implant!!! Noooo! *dies*
[Enter Ithaqua, Evil-Eye and Maegis]
Ithaqua: Nooo! Robert, my secret, illegitimate child!
Evil-Eye: Nooo! Pie, my well endowed daughter!!
Maegis: Nooo! My chance to make secret webcam home porno's!!
Everyone (including the corpses): WHat???
Maegis: Um...
[Enter CheapLoveMotel]
CLM: Talking while dead, TEMP KICKS!!! *boots all the dead folk into orbit*
Evil-Eye & Ithaqua: Maegis!! Why you little!! *both pull stiletto's and stab him in the only uninjured parts of his body*
Maegis: *dies* Argghh, my ballz!!
CLM: OI!!! TEMP KICK!!!
Maegis: Noooo.
Ithaqua: Our children hath loved and died, perhaps we should follow in their footsteps?
Evil-Eye: Ok. *they embrace, then stab each other in the back*
Both: ARGGGH!!
CLM: DAMN YOU PEOPLE!!!
Until next time...
Ladies and Gentlemen, NERD Inc. has decided to bring to you today the inaugural issue of a new segment of our publication.
Up till now, the overworked, underpayed and undersexed NERD Editor has tirelessly written (except for when he's not) all NERD's. Today, we bring to you the first issue of Neocron's Editon of Readers Digest: Freelance Xpo or NERD: FX.
This segment will contain works from other writers that have submitted stories that NERD Editor has approved and adjusted. Our first issue comes to us from a well known member of the Neocron community. A man who has been outspoken; with his zeal for NERD and his spammage of the NERD offices mailbox.
So without further delay, we bring you Betty's first ever NERD...
NERD Freelance Xpo # 001
Another Newbies Tale
Written By: Bibliotequa
Editing and additional story: NERD Editor
Coffee by: SleepNoMore Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Today's story is about a poor newbeh's quest to get from neocron to the military base, its not a trip many survive, at least in one piece. Todays tale takes place in no particular time, with no particular point, featuring no particular people. This story in no way has any bearing on the tale of Neocron, cause lets face it... this is a tale of a newbie, and since when has a newbie ever done important? (Big Red Subtitles slam down "BIAS OPINION!!!"). This tale is about a poor newbie. His name: Poor Newbie. His Place: Neocron. His measurements... well...
Poor Newbie started his day in the agressor cellars, duking it out with 5 agressors, he thought he was almost done for when all of a sudden, he gripped his Tangent Assault Rifle, jumped over the box, and hit the agressors with one beautiful headshot each, something no newbeh had ever accomplished. He looted their bodies, and dragged himself out of the cellar, heavily encumbered with his precious load of choco candy's, synthetic milks and insect eyes, and into the medicare to get some desperate medical attention (he'd been shot in the left nut). He knew he was ready, today was the day when he would use the Liquid Fire Rifle, a true sign of maturity. The sign that your status had lifted, ego swelled, balls dropped and you became a man. The sign he had become a Novice!!
<WARNING, READ NERD WITH BOTH HANDS ON THE KEYBOARD OR YOU'LL GO BLIND!>
He decided he could no longer make any experience in the newbeh cellar, so he decided to ask a friend to take him to the Military base (because you never go into the wastelands for the first time by yourself, why... that would require... gonads. And as the last paragraph showed, Poor Newbie had already lost one of those). His friend told him to wait for him at the North gate of neocron at 1:30, and at exactly 1:30 the eager newb was there waiting with a backpack full of candies, soda, plasma rifle ammo, and fresh underwear (incase he got a bit scared on the way, and... you know). (NERD Editor: No, I don't...)
Trip 1: On the first trip everything was going fine, they had evaded hoverbots, wolves, Y replicants and Megaman, but midway into the trip, somewhere around the H latteral, and 6 vertical (for those of you that don't speak Betty, he means H 06), they hit a jump, and Poor Newbie was knocked unconscious by a tree branch, fell out of the car, and rolled down the mountains to a grassy field. His friend hadnt noticed, totally engrossed by the classic N'Sync CD he'd found a month back during an escavation. When Poor Newbie awoke, he was surrounded by 5 dragonflies, which obviously gave him a free teleport back home.
Trip 2: After plucking Dragonfly crap out of his back, Poor Newbie reported the horrible news to his friend, and his friend told him to put everything in a gogo, and try to venturewarp. The newb did so, and clicked the venturewarp, payed a full 2k, and.... SPAWNED IN THE MIDDLE OF!!!!!!!!!!..... the west entrance to neocron... After complaining to a venture warp employee about being ripped off, paying 2k for a distance he could of WALKED in under 30 seconds, the venture warp employee told him that technically, the front gate to neocron, WAS the wastelands, and Poor Newbie had signed a contract where he agreed to pay to be put in a random location in the wastes.... Consequently Poor Newbie became the second member of Lisa Davitt's "Death to Lawyers" club, a liftetime club where you get free cake and a blood vendetta to end all contracts for all time.
Trip 3: Poor Newbie decided to warp again, anything was closer to his friend than plaza 1. He magically appeared in Soliko, just about as far from military base as neocron... ... Poor Newbie decided to tag this usefull gr, then gr back to plaza 1, when he was fried by plasma, kebabed on a Blade of Ceres and reduced to Roast Lamb Cutlets by an NCPD Flamer. Yes, he had just become part of yet another battle between NUTS and JERK's. Yet another innocent life is claimed in their senseless war. Help stop the fighting, donate 10k to a very special charity: the "JERK's in touch with their NUTS" Foundation.
Trip 4: Now as he descibed his horrible experiences to his friend, his friend told him he was lucky, for venture warp should be renamed "I will place you somewhere where your armor is useless". There was a 1/12 chance that he would land next to a warbot for example, a 1/18 chance that he would land under a hoverbot, a 1/10 chance that he would be greeted by Y replicants, and about a 1/14 that he would land infront of a group of Johnny 5's (DoY Security Bots). Poor Newbie thought his friend was exagerating, and promptly warped again. He landed in the scorching sand, in between about 12 hackbelts, he told his friend his predicament, and his friend, an experienced runner, told him he was near a Johnny 5. The newb didnt get much of a chance to respond, for he turned to look left, and he saw 4 laser missles, fired straight from a johnny, fired right at him, he ran over a sanddune, but the explosion caught him, and bashed up his legs. For the next 3 hours, he was crawling in the desert, while telling his friend his location, and trying to get out of the Johnny's range.
He finally arrived at el Farid Village where he waited for his friend for about 10 minutes. During that time, Vain passed by and had a casual hump. Poor Newbie chose not to disclose any more details of this incident and when his friend arrived, got in the car and they were off.
Trip4 - Part 2: They were off, storming in the wastelands at about 110 kilometers per hour, avoiding trees and wolves, tagging all the grs, just to be safe, when they decided to get the Newb's belt which was in H_06. They arrive, and quickly spot the dragonflies, the friend take out his Tangent Plasma Cannon, and has a fierce battle with the bugs, holding to his life by a mere 10 health (down from 490). He gets in the car, and Poor Newbie gets his belt, thats when a dragonfly swoops from his nest in the trees, and killed the newb in one shot. The newb added the friend to the team, and his friend got the belt, thats when the newb hears "WE WENT ALL THE WAY BACK HERE FOR SOME DRUGS!!!" and the newb responds "Gotta have my pills ", which got a sharp respond "That is the sickest thing ive ever heard...", thats when the newb retalliated saying "Hey, easy i dont take them for those purposes, i use them to activate my biotech implants" his friend forgave him, and went back to pick him up.
Trip 4; Part 3: Finally avoiding all warbots, dragonflies, crabs, and pkers, they arrived at the military base (parking on the invisible EGOS Laemin's foot - the APC will need several months of bodyshop work), Poor Newbie felt a certain fullness once again, he had finally finished a quest many live to tell about, after 4 tries, he made it, he was finally matured. After having to pay a guard 5k to enter, he tagged the gr, checked out the cleverly placed strippers, went home, and went to bed.
NERD Issue # 033
The Pants Virus
R Day plus 14 days...
In the two weeks following Cassandra Edwards betrayal and attack on the city, things had been on a wires edge. There was great distrust amongst the people, accusations, cursing, spitting and generally carrying on cranky. Lioon Reza had not left his office since that day, largely out of concern for what the people might do to him. The Black Dragons were being victimised since it was one of their clans that had gone over to work for Cassandra. Wannabe and LVirus had not been heralded as heroes for their actions by many, but NEXT command had seen fit to promote the two. Finally, Wannabe was going to get out of the subway.
The DEVS had continued to seal the Lower Realm, so the EGOS could do little but watch even now.
The wheels of war were spinning ever faster by the Dome. More weapons and new weapons were being created. Generals Megaman and Sid spent much of their days standing on the balcony overlooking their front yard, having maniacal laughter contests (you know the ones where one laughs with evil intent, then the next guy tries to do better and they keep doing this till they either start coughing or their heads turn a bright red and they collapse).
With McDanish gone, things were not as obvious as they once had been. Many now were unsure about what to think or who to trust. Worse still was the damage to the city from yet another war was causing glitches in even the most basic of systems. At times it seemed all of Neocron was bugged up the waazoo (Big Red Subtitles slam down "SAY IT AINT SO!!"). And with these 'bugs' came anger, with anger, came hostility, and with hostility came destruction.
Civil unrest exploded throughout the city. It was faction against faction, clan against clan, runner against runner against that nasty rat that was humping Vain's leg... yes, things were very funked up.
Sitting on a rickety shanty house in the Outzone, listening to the den of hate and misery, a sole peaceful soul felt unhappy. SpikeZ, who had tried so hard to help his fellow Neocronians by warning them of the attack, had been unable to turn back the rage that had followed. Being a lover of peace, truth, justice, candy apples and Danae, it broke his Experimental heart to see the city that had just survived another war, at war with itself. And so it was that with Danae trying to contact The DEVS to bring order to the world, SpikeZ was left alone with his thoughts:
"99 datacubes on the wall, 99 empty datacubes. If one of those cubes should happen to blow, a bug will just dupe it and hey, there you go. 99 datacubes on the ... *sigh* oh I wish there was something I could do, something that could stop the hate. I don't understand hate. I've never experienced hate. I love." And SpikeZ paced around on the rickety roof wondering what he could do. Suddenly it occured to him. Ever since he had sniffed the 'Gas of Pacifism', an ancient relic of the past, he had never felt bad feelings towards anyone. And so he figured if he released the cannister into the worlds atmosphere, it would surely have a calming effect on the world. He grabbed the cannister, the only memento of his childhood, from when he was found, an abandoned orphan, wrapped in a blanked and inserted like a suppository in a dead Marsh Hippo's anus, and cracked the seal, releasing the vapour into the air.
"Sweet, now everybody can live in pants..." and the smile fell away. In horror, he looked at the cannister and sure enough, it was not the Gas of Pacifism. It was actually the dreaded Pants Virus, that SpikeZ and Danae had been charged to protect with their lives. And all SpikeZ could do was look on in horror and know that Danae was gonna kill him for this...
Psycho Killa was running through Pepper Park, stunning unsuspecting runners in preparation for their imminent deaths. Psycho was standing around laughing when a Copbot snuck up from behind. Psycho spun around, worried, for she had not buffed up yet. The Copbot raised its rifle and in its mechanical voice yelled:
"Drop your Pants!"
"Eh???"
"DROP YOUR PANTS!!"
"Uhhh... ooh k...." And Psycho, not wanting to be plastered across Pepper, dropped her pants. It would have perhaps been better if she had chosen death, for I'm not sure the "Megaman is My TeddyBear" panties have done her reputation any favours...
Throughout Plaza, runners who had come to shop were stopping in their tracks as the overhead PA system in the city went bezerk.
"Wherever you want to go, go in Pants..."
"PANTS, its where you live..."
"City Administration, for Neocron, for Reza, for your PANTS!"
"City Administration, Just Live, we take care of your pants."
"Archer & Wesson. Pants and more since 2618"
"Proto Pharma, Your Strength, Your Hope, Your Pants."
Runners who had been enjoying classic movies recovered from the Ceres Discs were horrified to find them affected as well.
"Luke, I'm wearing your Pants!"
"NOOOOOO"
"Don't try to wear the pants, that's impossible. Instead, try to realise the truth".
"What truth?"
"There are no pants."
"Frankly My Dear, I'm not Wearing pants."
"These are the pants of Sauron. He must never find them Frodo. He is seeking them, seeking them with all his strength, his mind is bent on them. They are one, the pants, and the Dark Lord."
"Lost his Pants Master Obi Wan has. How embarrasing, how embarrasing... Gather round the viewer younglings, and find Obi Wans wayward Pants we will...."
Now at this point, you might be wondering whats going on (amidst the screams). You see, the Pants Virus is a horrifying invention invented by a bunch of movie watching geeks in 2008. They lost a movie quote contest when one of them accidentally said 'pants' and got the quote wrong. So they invented this virus to cause people to say pants instead of what they were going to say. Its horrifying effects bring standard conversations to a halt and make the victim look like a moron. And now it was loose in Neocron.
The Court of Neocron was being held in Via Rosso 2. The magistrates were passing judgement on Artricia and had declared she must be permanently exiled for crimes against dildo's. Ben, her lover threw herself on the mercy of the court. Unfortunately she couldn't find the mercy so she threw herself on the floor instead.
"Miss Ben, if you say another word I will hold you in contempt of Court!"
"You can't do this to me ... I ... I... I love ... I love PANTS!!" Artricia felt truly dissed and stormed off.
"No, wait, thats not what I meant."
"Miss Ben, you are in contempt! I hereby sentence you to 60 days without Pants...erm... yeah."
"Huh????" Ben looked on shocked when all of a sudden the bailiff came over and whipped her pants off. Those present gasped in shock as they realised Ben was going commando. Now totally naked from the waist down, Ben ran off screaming to her Pepper Park 3 apartment. As she ran she heard the clicks as hundreds of 'screenies' were taken of this once in a lifetime spectacle.
In the Higher Plain....
MoonUnit was beating his skull in trying to get past the block
"THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!! I HAVE TO GET DOWN THERE!!! NOOOO!!! PANTS!!!! NOOO!!!!.... Oh no...."
To date no cure has been found for the Pants Virus, although there are antidotes to limit the effects to only minor outbursts. We all can only hope that in time we may be cured of the Pants Virus and once again feel a sense of normaility in our pants.... OH Sh....
Until next pants...
NERD Issue # 034
A World Without EGOS
"Let me in... For the love of sushi let me in..." MoonUnit was but a shadow of his former self. It had been yet another 12 days since Ben had lost her pants and still the EGOS were locked out of the lower plain. CheapLoveMotel had oiled his gun collection so many times they were now perfectly frictionless. Critter had found 11,298 things to complain about in the so-called perfect Higher Plain. MoonUnit had broken 8 of his fingers trying to claw his way back to the Lower Plain. The most recent Initiate into the First Circle of EGOS, NoGravity, was sitting in the corner reading the EGOS handbook for the umpteenth time. And Laemin was taking the opportunity to try and get his skinchanger working right.
Meanwhile, in the world below...
"No one has seen any EGOS?" Reefsmoker asked the Plaza 1 crowd.
"Nah, ain't seen one since before all them explosions back when..." Smokey responded.
"I saw Lupus wearing the wrong pants a few weeks ago, but not since then." Trillian responded.
"This isn't good, what's going on?" SpikeZ asked.
"Who the pants gives a crap?" Wolfwood felt the need to get his two cents in, "no EGOS is fine by me."
"We need EGOS to maintain the balance." SpikeZ answered back, only to be punched in the face with his fist. Danae went over to comfort SpikeZ.
"Pah... your carebear protectors aren't coming back. And Danae's looking fat, and so is Trillian, and Lisa, and Eva, and Amagen and...." he carried on like that for.... too long.
"Shut up Wolfwood." Danae spat out.
"Heh, the world will be fine without EGOS. I mean, seriously, what do they do anyway? They never do anything, thats what they do... NOTHING. And you tell me to shut up again and I'll give ya a spanking!" Danae's eyes burned with rage, but she said nothing.
27 minutes later...
Terror in the streets, walls were falling down, fires were breaking out everywhere. People tried to flee the devastated faulty scenery, but they got stuck and couldn't move. Mobs began climbing out of the sewers. Runners went to fight them, only to find that their inventory had mysteriously disappeared. Genereps would take peoples money and not give them their stuff or teleport them anywhere.
And in the Wastelands it was no better. People driving along in APC's suddenly found their APC floating in midair half a mile above the canyon floor or stuck in a tree. Mobs would loom out at them and would not die. And those in H 12... well, those that were not in H 12 counted their blessings a thousand times. Runners would stand still and hope that trouble would not find them, only to find themselves falling through the fabric of reality and through the floor. Those trying to escape the wastelands by Generep would find that wherever they teleported to, they materialised in the air above it and fell to their doom.
"...Ok so maybe I spoke a little too soon." Wolfwood mumbled to himself.
Once again seeing the pain of the people, Danae returned to the Wastelands. During the Pants Virus incident, she had travelled to the Wastelands to try and summon The DEVS, but she had returned unsuccessful. This time it was more urgent than ever that she succeed.
Danae travelled to the summoning point, the only place in the Wastelands where one could stand a chance of summoning The DEVS. Standing on the Shoreline near Rockshore Factory, she threw a Milky Ren, a Synthetic beer and a chaos minion chitin into the water.
"From the dawn of time to the dawn of a new age, through water, earth and fire.
Come forth at my pleading, and have fun with the feeling, I summon with all my desire."
All of a sudden the waters broke, the earth trembled and two hands started groping Danae.
"OI!!! Get off!" she slapped her assailant.
"Hey, the summoning states I get to have fun with the feeling, so less with the slapping already," CoDi responded.
"Well you're here now, so lets get down to business." Danae replied.
"All right!" and CoDi dived towards her again, only to receive and elbow to the nose.
"Not that you perv."
"Pants!"
"Oh my Lioon, the Pants Virus got you guys too?"
"Only while I'm in the Lower Plains, virus' don't work in the Fabricator."
"The what?"
"The Fabricator. Its the realm where DEVS work."
"Oh... ok. Anyways, the Lower Plain is falling apart. We need the EGOS back."
"MJS has ordered the EGOS locked away for all eternity. We cannot go against him on this."
"But the world cannot survive like this. For all the stupidity they bring and the amount of time they put us on hold while staring at the strippers, we NEED EGOS to keep things running, or it all falls apart."
"Hey, I hear ya. EGOS are cool in my book. But its Marty's call."
"Then let me at him and I'll kick his pants!"
"Oh please, a mere mortal cannot... unless... if you were... (he stares at Danae's boobs for a while) could it be? The answer to the prophecy!"
"What are you talking about now?"
"There is an ancient prophecy dating back before the formation of this world that states that there is one power in this universe that could severely weaken MJS' powers. And if that power were ever to come into his realm, a time of great upheaval and possible change would come about."
"And what is this great power?"
"Estrogen."
"What?"
"You know... boobies!"
"WHAT?!?"
"Feminism."
"PANTS!?!"
"Yes, if a woman were to enter the sacred all male circle of The DEVS, the scales of power would tip."
"How exactly does this help us down here?"
"I'll make a deal with you Danae," CoDi stopped staring at her breasts and looked her in the eyes, "I will release the locks and allow the EGOS to return to this realm" (a scream from high above is heard "YESSSSS!!!")
"Excellent," Danae turned to go.
"But, in exchange I must remove you from the lower realm and make you one of The DEVS. (another scream from high above "NOOOOO!!!! Sushi cannot leave!!")"
"You can't be serious!"
"Oh I'm dead serious. If I am to defy Martin, I must have a secret weapon to use against him. That is you. If you become one of us, you can disrupt Martin enough to allow us freedom to work. This is the deal, what is your answer." Danae horrified, slowly came to terms with the truth she had to face.
And so it was that Danae ascended to The DEVS, stolen from the Lower Plains. The EGOS were released and they began to fix the problems around the world... all except MoonUnit who went straight for Pepper Park.
SpikeZ received only a brief PM from Danae before she was snatched away. The news crushed his soul and he retreated to their little bungalow to grieve.
The walls were fixed, stuck runners released and inventory's somewhat restored. Some damage could not be so quickly undone but for the most part the world returned to normal.
KramertheWierd and Lisa Davitt had been having a private conversation in B 06 when the fabrif of reality had begun to tear around them. Clutching onto one another they would have suffered perma-death had Lupus of the 2nd Circle not saved them in the nick of time. He transported the two to Via Rosso 1 and then departed for the next crisis.
"Lisa, I'm gonna take that as a sign..." Kramer stated.
"A sign for what?" she asked. And he crouched down on one knee...
Danae spent the next week being assimilated and empowered in The Fabricator. When she was ready Danae began her duties of crushing Martin's will to live. However, her heart hurt every minute being separated from SpikeZ. Over the next few days she practiced creating things and resizing them, changing shapes and generally abusing her deity-esque powers. At one point Danae found out what it was like to have... well we won't discuss that further.
Then one day it occurred to her. She was an all powerful being. She could visit the Lower Plains any time she wanted. Exploding into Plaza 1 she caught the tail end of a conversation between SpikeZ, Wolfwood and the rest of Plaza 1.
"... and be glad your womans gone. The big stripper in Pepper is more your league dude and... and... oh pants..."
"Damn straight!" Danae's eyes glowed an eerie blue as she pulled her special tool out, "I seem to recall someone saying he'd give me a spanking if I ever told him to shut up again. Well, I'm telling you to shut up, but I've got a better response for you." Danae used her tool on Wolfwood and he froze, then was electrocuted and then fell to the ground. The crowdd looked on in awe.
"I have now renamed you. From this day forth, you shall be known as 'Spanky'" And so it was that Wolfwood became Spanky. And he was mocked. And then there was peace.
Meanwhile Danae grabbed SpikeZ and warped him to their bungalow for some catch-up time. After 7 hours straight of this, all SpikeZ could utter was:
"Higher Being Sex.... This is sooo Pants...."
"Hush now Spikey, and don't move. I've just thought of a great use for the 'enlarge' button on my special tool." And SpikeZ trembled... and Danae had fun....
Tune in soon for Issue 35: Four EGOS and a Wedding.
Until next time...
Oh no Kramer, you haven't been NERDed... yet.
One more issue and you will be.
Anyway, quick apology from me to .... everyone who reads this.
Yes, as you've all noticed, the rate of NERD's has dropped off to essentially one a week lately, which was never my intention. But 3 reasons have kept the flow of NERD down:
1. In real life, ol' Ned is a University Student *sees everyone looking shocked as they hear actual facts about Laemin's real life*. And at present it is Final Exam time. Hence both my time for writing and my creative ideas are being sucked out my ass and into the evil hole I know as a Tertiary Learning Institution.
2. Other real life woes caused dear NERD Editor to go into a very pissed off state of mind for a few weeks. This is not the time to be trying to write entertaining stories. (starts writing "And Lisa Davitt and Trillian began walking through a field of roses... and then 2 evil lawyers came along and stabbed them and skinned them alive, hung their flesh out to dry and wore their asses home as hats....".... yeah, not good).
3. Ever since I wrote Issue 30 I have been a bit scared to write more. Throughout writing NERD, I have had a fairly decent idea of where the storyline concerning Dome of York was going, and so I could make sure that whatever I wrote would not spoil that or give anything away. But once I reached Issue 30 I realised I no longer knew what came next and if I kept writing I might start accidentally ruining things for people. Just recently I got some more info though so I can rest assured that the only grief I'm causing KK is the constant mockings of its employees and CEO.
So, with that in mind, I should hopefully, in 2 weeks or so, be back to writing an Issue almost every other day. So pretty please be patient with me guys, I don't get to live at my keyboard, however much I wish I could.
NERD Issue # 035
Four EGOS And A Wedding
KramertheWierd and Lisa Davitt had been having a private conversation in B 06 when the fabrif of reality had begun to tear around them. Clutching onto one another they would have suffered perma-death had Lupus of the 2nd Circle not saved them in the nick of time. He transported the two to Via Rosso 1 and then departed for the next crisis.
"Lisa, I'm gonna take that as a sign..." Kramer stated.
"A sign for what?" she asked. And he crouched down on one knee...
Yes, those in the respective clans had known it was in the air, but to the majority, the news came as a suprise. Lisa Davitt, resident blonde of NUTS and Neocron's sexiest Poker and KramertheWierd, PIMP daddy that he is, had decided to tie the knot and get married. This would be the first time the two clans had 'united' in any way, and amazingly there was little objection.
After 2 weeks of planning, the wedding was set to go off. The location of the wedding was to be kept secret until as close to the time as possible, as certain parties might choose to crash. The reception would be held in Via Rosso 3 when all was said and done.
Attributing their second chance at life to him, they asked Lupus of the 2nd Circle of EGOS to perform the ceremony. He agreed.
The day before the wedding came. Lupus, having been taken aside by MoonUnit for days to learn the finer art of 'deleting annoying textures', otherwise known as women's clothing, had forgotten to learn what he had to say. The wedding dress was torn, the cake had been stolen by the Long Eared One (chocolate centres are never a good choice) and the bridesmaids were crying their eyes out. Hence, everything was right on schedule.
And so it was that the day of the wedding came about. Somewhere through the centuries, the age old tradition of not seeing the bride before the wedding had been lost. Hence no one thought it strange that Lisa and Kramer were together for breakfast that day.
"Is everything in place?" Lisa whispered in his ear.
"Yeah, we'll send out the word to meet in the Ball Room later today." Kramer whispered back.
"Why are we whispering?" MoonUnit asked. They both yelled in unison. After MoonUnit was thrown out, they carried on.
"Well hon, that was a great breakfast," Lisa rose to go and Kramer followed, "now its time to get on with the weeding."
"Ok babe, lets get going..." and Kramer moved to head for the chapel.
"OI!!!!! Where do you think you're going? I said its time to do the Weeding!" And Lisa grabbed him by the gonads and pulled him out to the garden she had planted on the roof of her Via Rosso apartment. Where once there had been weeds, now had mutated into Acanthous Tentacles. And Kramer could only realise that from this day forward, he was whipped.
(And for all those who thought I mispelled Wedding above, gotcha).
The 'Ball Room' was actually the Big Yellow Ball Room in Military Base Storage 2. Lupus had generated some aisles for them and the guests were arriving. NUTS, PIMP's and even GEF's were arriving in droves for the social event of the fortnight (next fortnight Danae's holding a 'Best Butts in Neocron' bikini contest). Security was posted outside and the lovers entered. Cheers and wolfwhistles were heard, and the Psi Monks put out their artificial confetti (in the form of a Psi heal). Lupus began to move towards the podium.
Meanwhile near the entrance, Spanky had had a hard few weeks on the liquor. He'd fallen on hard times with such a disrespected name as Spanky. And last night, he'd staged a backdoor deal for some LAG rounds. He was determined to get even with Danae.
Lupus stepped up to the podium and coughed a few times. No one paid any attention. He Temp Kicked one of the bridesmaids, everyone shut up.
"Ok... Dearly beloved... Is it beloved or .... ACCK"...
Lupus in his disoriented state tested the lag rounds by firing them at the guy dressed in black, hitting Lupus with the only ammo that works on EGOS. Lupus was sent flying from the Lower Plains to recover his composure. Shocked and dismayed, Lisa looked to go nuts, but security chased Spanky away. All of a sudden FreeNode showed up.
"FREENODE!!!" Shodough yelled.
"Wow, another set of tin pants." Techi tried to fill the void that McDanish would have taken up, but it wasn't the same.
"Oooh, tin pants means hard pants contents." Eva tried to jump FreeNode, but he quickly warped to Lisa.
"Perhaps I can be of assistance." FreeNode offered to perform the service and Lisa, beaming with joy accepted. Kramer had already accepted he had no control over this day so just stood still, pleading with the power that is Marty that he wouldn't lose the ring. FreeNode was about to begin when Spanky crashed back into the room and hailed fire at the replacement minister. FreeNode then began to race Lupus back to the Higher Plain.
Eyes blazing red, Lisa extended her fingernails to claw length and prepared to rip Spanky to shreds. Kramer knew all to well what that felt like and cowered behind his best man. All of a sudden a mighty "TEMP KICK!!!" was heard as Laemin, having stolen CheapLoveMotel's boot of doom, came flying in and dropkicked Spanky into orbit, before chasing him out through the hole in the roof. Spanky would not be a problem, but it seemed there were no more EGOS to perform the wedding. All of a sudden with fire in his heart, a tear in his eye and a tank full of beer, J.Reaper leapt to his feet and began the sermon.
"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of MJS to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. If any person should object, let him speak now or forever hold his peace..." Lisa turned, eyes blazing red at the crowd. Eva had been raising her hand to ask if she could have a quicky with the groom first, but now thought better of it. J.Reaper continued.
"Do you KramertheWierd take Lisa Davitt to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to grope as long as you both shall live?"
"Yes I do."
"Same sentence, names alternated, less groping, more bossing around." Everyone raised an eyebrow as they thought about that.
"Yes I do."
"Please exchange the rings." The two passed each other a recordable datacube labelled 'wedding ring'.
"By the state of anarchy I declare you husband and wife you may..." they were already going at it, "carry on."
The Reception in Sypher's Cafe was a huge event. The LAG'ed EGOS returned to pay their compliments to the happy couple and the clans put aside their differences and all got drunk in equal measure! The party lasted some time and a few other relationships even began to flourish.
Later that night, it was Lisa, lying in sultry pose in the newly formed 'joint apartment'.
"Well come on Kram... I'm waiting." Kramer emerged from the bathroom and dimmed the lights.
"Ohh yeah babey, ohhh yeah." And he crept into the bed.
Meanwhile, in the bathroom....
Kramer struggled to undo his restraints, as all he could hear was 'ohh yeah babey' and the occasional 'sushi time' coming from the other room, and he wondered when his face had become part of an EGOS skinchanger.
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 036
What's a Forum?
...As the Kramer disguised MoonUnit clambered into the bed, Lisa turned to look at him, passion in her eyes. That passion quickly went out as she looked down.
"MOONUNTI!!!" Her eyes blazed death.
"How did you know it was me?" Moon asked. Lisa pointed to his groin region and the "EGOS Enhanced Moisture Missile, Property of KK" that was prepped for launch. We will not inquire as to why it has a label, some things are better left unsaid.
Lisa stormed into the bathroom and freed Kramer from his bonds. Sore and a little upset that his honeymoon had been gatecrashed, Kramer insisted that Moon leave. Sensing that the sushi bar was closed, so to speak, Moon turned to go, but Lisa had other ideas.
Lisa reached into her purse and pulled the 'Brassnucks of Anti-Stupidity', her wedding present from Laemin. She then proceeded to go postal on MoonUnit. Through 5 sets of powerarmour, full constitution and EGOS invincibility, she pounded the nucks till she eventually hit him squarely in his standard issue KK enhanced brass balls. One eye crossed the other and Moon grabbed his crotch in pain.
"Wow honey, aren't you going a little too far?"
"No, I'm not through with him." And Lisa began the dance of summoning. And then CheapLoveMotel appeared.
"Hey, whats up? Oooh, nice nightwear Lisa," he got punched right about now, "so...ow.... what can I do for you?"
"MoonUnit badmouthed Helpdesk." Lisa stated. Kramer tried to hide his horror. He couldn't believe Lisa would stoop to that. There are many things that go on in Neocron, and many things that are let slip, but no matter what: You don't mock Helpdesk.
CheapLoveMotel glared at Moon, who, thanks to his cracked nuts, could not speak to defend himself. CLM reared back and yelled it loud and proud.
"CRIME AGAINST HELPDESK!!! TEMP KICK!!!" And he punted as if the 2060 Superbowl depended on it. And Moon sailed up, and then headed back down....
Nerd Editor was sitting back, checking his latest issue, and sipping a Warbot Cola.
"Yes, this is perhaps the most perfect issue I've ever written. I shall publish it this very day... hey whats that whistling sound?" And with that MoonUnits overly generous ass came crashing down through the roof and thanks to his being a Tinpants plated EGOS, he broke the foundation of the building and NERD Inc. was demolished. The Perfect NERD lost for all time. But MoonUnit found the Porn archives in the basement so I suppose not all was bad news.
Hello dear readers, this is NERD Editor. Since the destruction of my office over a month ago, I have not been able to publish my NERD's. That is about to change. To get the ball rolling, I bring to you today a story about a topic that is near and dear to many of you. From time to time, we have all heard the word 'forum'. But what is it? And how does it fit into our world? Some speak of it as a place to share ideas. Others call it a place of violent arguments, and others have been known to call it a mess. Here and now today, we shall uncover the truth.
As has been well documented, NUTS have been working to install toilets throughout Neocron. At long last that task is complete and the city gave a great big flush in commemoration. One of the last things to be done in the mighty task was the implementation of Public Toilet facilities.
Now, once the Public toilets were open, people entered and began to use them. Now, there's no explanation for why it happened, it just seems to be a universal truth since the dawn of time. But those individuals started.... writing on the cubicle walls. It has been this way since the Cavemen, who while they took a crap in a hole in their cave, doodled drawings on the nearby wall. It moved onto the Romans who would take a scroll in to the lavatory with them to read (they were more cultivated you see....). It then moved onto the Mafia putting messages (and weapons) behind the water cylinders in restaurant toilets, and of course the rampant 'toilet culture' of the 20th and 21st century's. And thus it came that in the Year that Toilets returned to Neocron, the runners did begin the trend again.
At first it was very simple. Runners would come in and write "Hi, I'm Gleep, and this is my first time in here!", to which following runners would say hi and then introduce themselves and ultimately, they would get a conversation going right the way down the wall. When they reached the bottom of the wall, a keen eyed runner named Ren spotted a switch at the bottom and hauled the wall up to reveal... more wall!
"Wow, the wall scrolls!" He exclaimed.
After a while, the conversation would start digressing into different things, so people decided that different conversations should be in different areas. Hence, the various toilet cubicles were assigned to different topics. The toilet with no toilet paper was assigned to the debates about inter-clan politics, as it was the most heated topic. After all, people in that cubicle were so busy writing responses to the previous ones they usually forgot to go. The cubicle at the far end was assigned as 'Brainport' the area for new ideas. The reason for this was that good ideas take a while, so the ones who have them are generally the one's having difficulty going and would thus be there a while. As a result the cubicle at the far end made the safest choice for everyone else.
But all was not well with this system. After a while, certain TG runners, who had no toilets of their own, began to sneak into the Public toilet. Now as you know TG runners live in the Canyon and their diet consists largely of meat by-products from TerrorMaulers, a spicy food by anyone's standard. This meat also has a tendency to make the eater irritable. As these TG runners sat on the toilet, they saw a post about how sad TG runners were hailing Fusion cannon shells at everything that moved and how they couldn't hit the backside of a Warbot with a Cold Fusion Missile. Consequently in their irritated state, and excreting a rather lava-like bodily waste, the TG runners began to write harsh rebuttles and some abuse at the original writers. Due to the blazing sulphuric fumes coming from the cubicle when they wrote, it was called a 'flame post'.
After a while, many others, some fueled by tainted meat, and some with just a lot of gas, took to 'flame posting'. It became so rampant that every public toilet wall was covered in flame posts, and a few were deciding to write their flame posts with their lava like... you get the idea.
And so it was that City Admin, sensing a need to keep the toilet walls usable, instituted The MODS (Men Opposed to Destructive Spam).
There was Aegir, who would cut off any flame post by telling them where their posts really needed to be (and then flushing it after they left).
There was Hodur, who used a special form of gum to stop the walls from scrolling and thus effectively closing certain posts, until a new wall could be found.
There was Niddhog, who's speed and efficiency was frightening. At times he would be editing what you were posting, while you were posting it (which got very disturbing let me assure you... 2 men in a cubicle.... uh uh). Even more impressive was his Cloth of Edit, which he would streak across the worst of the posts and would replace with his own brand of 'niceness'.
But there would be times where the posts would degrade into an unhealthy pile of.... never mind. The post would become so foul, so obnoxious, it would make what was resting in the bowl seem like a Potpouri. One of the worst offenders was when Megaman, new commander of the Forces of Dome of York, snuck into Neocron and let loose what he'd been holding in for weeks (and I mean that in both ways...). The MODS couldn't and wouldn't touch it with a 12 foot mop.
And so they sent for the one man willing to get stuck elbow deep into a really bad post. Odin.
Yes, when posts go wrong and the cubicle becomes a no mans land, Odin shows up to make it like it never was. He'll unclog thread congestion, remove obscene posts forever and leave that cubicle clean, sheen and smelling of pine.
Many have asked "Is it worth it?" Are these posts really needed? Well ask the MODS, ask Odin, ask any man who's had a corn brisket crap that feels like you're trying to pass a block of concrete with 5 corners out of a hole the size of a thimble, and they'll all tell you yes, for many different reasons. Because they help you relax, or vent, or get things off your chest (and out your...), because they allow you to become informed.
But most importantly because discussion is important, and as anyone knows, any good discussion is (F)ounded (O)riginally in (R)ooms of (U)nbelievable (M)ess.
NERD Issue # 037
Enter The Dome: Part 1
"Sid, Mega, my office, 10 minutes." Cassandra Edwards spoke into her comm-unit. She swivelled in her chair and looked out of her window at the top of the Dome. Outside it was quite barren. The Defender bots were rolling around the perimeter, but otherwise it was dead outside.
It had been nearly six weeks since her bold move to take Dome of York as her own. Since then her two generals, Megaman and Insidious Wolf, had tirelessly worked to build up their forces. NUBI and CDV had not yet merged as one unit, but she was sure that was not far off. The army of DeltaGens she had brought with her to the Dome were now back in stasis in the lower bowels of the city. Inside the city the production lines worked tirelessly to build up more Dome Defender bots, Scythe-bots and BETA Warbots.
Sid and Mega entered Cassandra's office and took up their seats.
"Good. Where do we stand on production?"
"Currently, if we were to unleash all our forces on Neocron at once we would outnumber them 40 to one. However, if we factor in the possibility of EGOS intervention, that advantage will be all but wiped out." Megaman replied.
"Sid, you said you could have something to help us deal with that?"
"Yes. If we equip a troop of DeltaGens with LAG rounds, we can overcome the EGOS obstacle." Megaman was still having a hard time hearing Sid like this. Everyone had got used to him calling himself Precious all the time. Now that his madness seemed to have left... it wasn't the same.
"What else?" Cassandra asked.
"Those fighters of Neocron's pose a problem. It gives them air superiority." Megaman replied.
"Can we not equip the Warbots with Ground to Air missiles?"
"It's possible, but will take at least a week to get them all upgraded."
"Then you'd better start now." Mega nodded and left the room.
"So Sid, what special news do you have for me?"
"It's fairly quiet out there. Since The Wierd's got married Neocron has been fairly relaxed. I have noted a few NUTS hanging out near Regant's Legacy, but they seem to be hunting Swamp creatures. There does seem to be something going on with JERK's. They've had some very serious fighting with the Twilight Guardian leadership. I'll keep you posted." And with that their meeting was over.
"How much do you suspect Reza? How much do you fear me? Your time is drawing nigh. Soon it will be you on your knees in front of ME!!!" Cassandra prattled off to herself, Sid just walked away.
Megaman had enjoyed becoming the Supreme General of York. He oversaw the production of his mighty army, revelled in the almost sincere adulation of his clan and partied all night long. About a month ago he snuck into Neocron, did some serious flaming in the Public 'FORUM' and then stole his beloved Jukebox from Pepper Park 2. Since then, every night, the Dome resounds with the Theme song to Happy Days, and Megaman in his leather jacket, dancing around with Psycho Killa as only drunk fools can.
Cassandra stayed up to 2am Neocron standard time every night. She could always be heard in her office gloating over how she pulled one over on Reza and how she was going to crush him once and for all. Then she would arise again at 5am Neocron standard to receive her daily transmission from Martin, the instigator of war. She continually pushed Sid and Mega and their forces onwards towards preparing a mighty army the likes of which Neocron had never seen and could never withstand.
Sid on the other hand, spoke very little. He had chosen his old cell as his quarters, much to the suprise of everyone, although he rarely used it. He would generally be found late at night, skulking around the Sublevels of the Dome, near the Mobile Weapon storage areas. Those who saw him never heard him, and those that thought they could hear him, could never find him. But always they knew he was there.
NUBI was all but gone. Only 2 members still remained, and neither of them are worth mentioning. They were along for the ride and offered Sid the chance to say he wasn't head of a One Man Clan. CDV on the other hand was going from one destructive and evil strength to another. They were big, powerful and well funded. And they had all sworn a blood oath to ruin Neocron Forever!!! (Big Red Subtitles Slam Down "CORPORATE INSULT!!!").
And so the power of the Dome grew. Unbeknownst to the peoples of Neocron but knownst to us (Mel Brooks' Spaceballs.... Copywright, pay up.) their gears turned in the great machine of war. Soon the Dome would break forth again to lay seige to Neocron and none would be able to stop it. None, but the mighty MoonUnit. Ok, who am I kidding, Moon would let them march all over Neocron if Cassandra offered him some sushi. We have no hope, we're all doomed. Megaman's gonna pwns us all and Sid's gonna laugh and Cassandra's gonna make everyone wear Pink Tutu's before we are all executed. Life sux I quit... I'm outta here....
A few days later, (after my employers showed me the clause in my contract saying I'm not allowed to quit on a tantrum) Sid was standing in the cryo-hall of Delta-Gens. He activated a switch and brought them all back to full animation.
"ORDERS???" They all yelled.
"Argghh.... don't yell."
"orders..." they all whispered.
"Gah... they're even dumber than normal tanks. Next you'll all be walking around going EYYYYY. Stand at attention!" They stood at attention (a ghost slaps N'ed over the back of the head "Hey, that's my line!")
"Now, you remember what I taught you?"
"Sid, Yes Sid!" Sid narrowed his eyes, looked left, looked right, looked down the hall, closed the door and looked back at the DeltaGens.
"Proceed." And then they began. They chanted in unison and in perfect time with each other.
"Oh we are the Tanks of Dome of York, we're gonna kick some ass.
Kill JERK's and NUTS and Canadians too, we're gonna have a blast.
We'll hit them hard and hit them fast, and nail em to the wall.
Then we'll sit right back and tell the tale of Neocron's mighty fall.
But thats not all, theres more to tell, a plan have we begun.
For our king Sid, the greatest man, must first have all his fun.
He works in shadow with thought so deep, he truly has a plan.
To start it off we first must kill that asshole Megaman.
Mega, Mega, you've stolen King Sid's turf,
Mega, Mega, you look like a Freakn Smurf.
And once thats done, that bitch will pay, for locking Sid away.
Cassandra should have known by now, with others Sid won't play.
So here we are, with thoughts so dark, ascending to the throne.
By this weeks end, when blood is shed, Sid shall rule the Dome.
MJS will send his mail, and Edwards takes his call.
While Sid will sit and wait his time, to cause her mighty fall.
Until that day he sits down here, and sings this song with us.
And longs for the day when once again, he unleashes his PRECIOUSS!!!!
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 038
Enter The Dome: Part 2, The Dome Reloaded
"EEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" Megaman yelled.
"Nice accoustics in here Mega." Psycho Killa observed.
"Yeah man, now lets get this party started!" Megaman and CDV began their party at the centre of the Dome. With Happy Days blaring out and a Lot of stolen Synthetic whisky and Cron Beer, CDV was partying hard. Little did they know that up above them, at the top of Central Tower, the support piece for the Dome, Cassandra was having very different feelings.
Looking down on CDV, Cassandra leered at them with disgust. She had taken them on for their sheer strength and destructive abilities, but their company she could not stand. She had also kept Sid around for the same reason, lots of power, personality to kill because of.
"That's right Mega, party it up. Soon I will send you to vanquish my enemies, and at the same time you shall seal your own fate. Once you have done all I need, you will find yourself on the receiving end of more firepower than you could possibly imagine. I'll get you..." and she looked at Psycho, "I'll get you... and your little dog too!" (Wizard of Oz - Copyright, pay up).
Cassandra continued to gloat to herself, and occasionally cackle, till she fell asleep in her chair and dreamed of simpler days.
Cassandra: In the womb
"Warm.... cozy... I love it here. It is nice here. Hey whats that? A light at the end of the tunnel? No.... noooo I'm getting sucked out. Acckkkk I'm covered in crap.... and who are these ugly people... wait, you... I know you... no, It can't be!!!"
Cassandra: Age 4
"I love lollipops." Cassandra said.
"I love lollipops too!" Spanky (aka Wolfwood) ran over and grabbed it.
"Noo, give it back!"
"Nah nah, finders keepers, losers ....arghhh!!" Cassandra started pinching him as only girls can. Eventually the lollipop was lost for all time. Cassandra made a mental note that she should exact further revenge on Spanky as well as Reza.
Cassandra: Age 14
"Ok, I'll show you mine if you show me yours." he whispered to her. Cassandra whipped her top off with proffesional skill.
"Those are boobies." McDanish stated the obvious. He then walked off. Cassandra went to note further revenge on him, then realised she was too late.
Cassandra: Age 17
In the backseat of an APC with Centuri. He lasted 3 minutes. Then he blabbed to all of NDA. Revenge, much revenge.
Cassandra: Age 22
After finishing Advanced Business School in Via Rosso 2, she applied for an assistant managers job with all the major company's. After 6 months of trying she got a job serving radioactive fries at McMutants. They will all pay... oh YES!!
Cassandra: Age 23 (actually more like 30 but she'll never admit to it)
Finally got her job working for Reza. This involved much asskissing (and even more work on the other side) and putting up with his crap....
At that final memory she awoke. Every time she thought of Reza her blood boiled, but that memory of the womb had stuck. Wide eyed in fear she ran down the 58 stairwells of Central Tower to Megaman's party. There she stopped, stared in terror and shuddered.
"EYYYY, I see you have realised the truth!" Megaman replied.
"No, no, it can't be." she backed into a wall
"Oh but it is."
"This isn't possible!" Megaman removed his blue Powerarmour to reveal a pink powerarmour underneath.
"Cassandra, I am your MOTHER!!!"
"NOOOOOO!!!!!" (Steve Oedekirk's Thumb Wars.... Copyright, Pay UP!!)
Sid's latest chorus of "They're all gonna die" was interrupted by the high pitched screaming above.
"Wow, someone's not happy."
"Ohhhhh my Lioon, Megaman's a hermaphrodite!!" Penzius, newest initiate to the 2nd Circle of EGOS exclaimed.
"I did not want to know that." Lupus, who was walking around wearing Trillian's stolen pants, replied.
"But, and I'm almost afraid to ask this... If Megaman's her mother... who's her father?" Moon looked aprehensive and warped to Zone 28 fast.
Cassandra and Megaman had a touching family reunion of blame and recrimination. Many bottles were thrown, many shots were fired, and Psycho Killa was used like a club at one point. Eventually the two came to the disturbing understanding that they were family whether they liked it or not. And after a time Cassandra realised that having her mother watch her back might not be the worst idea ever. And so they embraced as mother and daughter and did what every good family does; blamed their neighbours for all their woes and got back to planning to destroy them.
And Sid watched from a nearby gutter, and planned, and waited...
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 039
Enter the Dome: Part 3: The Dome Revolutions
Our story begins
"Wow look, the Dome spins. It Revolutions 360 degrees."
Our story ends....
Ok, real story begins...
Cassandra got up... again... as she does every day at 0500, again... geez this is getting dull. Don't you guys do anything interesting at the Dome?
Cassandra: What is this, an interview?
N'ed: Well, yeah.
Cassandra: Ok fine, lets do an interview.
Getting to Know Dome of York: An Interview by NERD Editor.
N'ed: Well hello folks. Today we're going to be talking with the biggest meglomaniacs I could find...
Megaman: EYYYYYY
Sid: Hey, who you calling a mega-maniac
Cassandra: Shut up, both of you.
N'ed: May I continue now?
Megaman: Yes
Sid: No
Cassandra: Shut up.
N'ed: Oh ok
Cassandra: No, not you.
N'ed: Not me?
Cassandra: Not you, them.
Megaman: Them who?
Cassandra: You who... I mean you two
Sid: What?
Megaman: Who?
Cassandra: SHUT UP!!!
N'ed: Let's try this again.
N'ed: Cassandra, in one sentence, please sum up the purpose of Dome of York
Cassandra: To crush my enemies once and for all.
N'ed: Megaman, now that we know Cassandra is your daughter, how does it make you feel to know your child is hellbent on destroying almost all life in Neocron.
Megaman: Oh I'm very proud of her. Its good to see my child has ambition!
N'ed: And Sid, how do you fit into this?
Sid: I like killing things (Sid steps on a roach at this point to prove his point. He didn't have to eat it though).
N'ed: So, what is your favourite thing in the world?
Megaman: Happy Days
Cassandra: Revenge
Sid: Pre... Genocide.
N'ed: What is your most hated thing in the world?
Megaman: Daft Punk
Cassandra: Reza
Sid: This conversation
N'ed: Who is your best friend in the world?
Megaman: Psycho Killa
Cassandra: My vibra.... uhhh, My mother.
Sid: The prec... Holy Lightning.
N'ed: Who is your worst enemy in the world?
Megaman: MoonUnit (megaman rubbed his ass at this point, not sure why)
Cassandra: Reza, McDanish, Spanky, Centuri....
N'ed: Just one please
Cassandra: SHUT UP!! Its a long list.
Sid: Whoever is in my targeting reticle.
N'ed: Now, I understand that your conquest of the Dome was assisted by your use of the DeltaGens
Cassandra: That is correct.
N'ed: You knew they were inside Regant's Legacy?
Cassandra: Oh yes, there were archives in City Admin about the Regant's special project.
N'ed: And are there any other such suprises in there.
Cassandra: Oh yes, and once I'm done with Neocron, I will go there to claim them, but at this point there's no rush.
N'ed: Really? So you're not concerned that NUTS have launched an expedition to go inside Regants Legacy?
Cassandra: What??
Sid: I told you they were there.
Cassandra: But you... I mean... this interview is over.
Cassandra marched off hauling her two Generals behind her.
"I'm heading there now, we must cut them off before its too late."
"Why, whats so important?" Sid asked.
"No time to explain. Mega, gather CDV and a squad of DeltaGens, follow me as soon as you can. We have to get there and end that expedition as fast as possible."
"Understood." Cassandra marched off to get her Reveller from the garage. The gate began to open and she tore out of the front gate.
"I will gather our forces Sid, you should hold the fort here. We'll ...ARRGGGHGHHHHHEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!!!" Sparks flew from Mega's eyes and nostrils as Sid grabbed hold of the back of his head with his gauntlet wearing hand. The gauntlet was equipped with the most hated of all Forbidden Technologies: The BAN (Bringer of Absolute Narcolepsy). Megaman was rendered completely unconscious and he fell to the ground, unable to rise again.
"Yessss.... It is our time now... PRECIOUS!!!" And Sid closed the Gate, and in one swift mistake, became Lord of the Dome.
Without a thought for what was behind her, Cassandra drove like a wildwoman for the Legacy. In the archives of Neocron, there was a passage, written by Regant himself. It read:
"I wonder sometimes if I should tell those fools in the Dome how futile their fight is. They can never win. I have constructed a weapon, one so terrible, so powerful, that they will not be able to endure its power. Should it ever look as though our brave warriors cannot win this Ceres War, I shall unleash it, and there is nothing they can do to stop it...."
The rest of the passage was lost to the ages. But Cassandra knew. She knew that Regant did not exagerate such things. The Legacy held the ultimate weapon; the weapon that would ensure victory for one side. She had thought she would not need it, but now the very real threat that Neocron might gain possession of this weapon was at hand. She could not allow it, she would never allow it.
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 040
The Seventh Circle
"Dude, I'm not going in there." Reefsmoker stated.
"What? Come on, we walked all the way over here, and now you don't wanna go?" Hurricane replied. Hurricane, Reefsmoker, Warlock, Evangelion, Gully Foyle, Techi and Lisa Davitt had all travelled to the gates of Regant's Legacy this day. Now they were there, and Reef was hesitating.
"Any particular reason you don't wanna go in?" Techi asked.
"Yeah, look at the sign." And everyone looked at the no smoking sign. Everyone fell over in exasperation.
"Right, now that the stupidity is over, lets go," Warlock entered first, activating his flashlight. The rest followed, with Lisa Davitt bringing up the rearguard and using her Dildo of Maven.
The air just inside the entrance was not too bad, but the further in they went, the more stagnant it became. This of course was to be expected. With the exception of the DeltaGen cryo-room, no living thing had entered Regant's Legacy since the Ceres War. The seven NUTS proceeded cautiously into the chasm left by the explosives Cassandra Edwards and her agents had placed several weeks ago.
The first room was much what you'd expect to see right behind a giant, well-sealed gate... nothing to look at. The mechanism for opening the gates was there and there were three exits from the room, but otherwise there was nothing.
"Mmm, homely." Hurricane noted.
"Yeah, its nice. Some curtains, a few throwrugs, and this place will look just like home!" Eva said.
"You mean it'll look like a brothel?" Warlock smirked. He got an elbow to the ribs for that one.
"Hey, over here," Gully beckoned them to a wall near the centre exit of the 3, "looks like a map of this place."
"How convenient!" Lisa clapped with excitement.
"I wouldn't get too excited, its just a basic floorplan. No directions of how to get where. This place has seven levels, starting with this one and going down. This floor is guardrooms and DeltaGen storage." Gully read.
"Lets hope none are left," Warlock gripped his firelance.
"SubLevel - 2 is Kitchen, food storage and Maintenance."
"Can't fix things on an empty stomach, go on," Reef said.
"SL - 3 is Laboratory's, SL - 4 is Testing grounds."
"Testing for what?" Lisa asked.
"SL - 5 is Command and Control, SL - 6 is the Armoury"
"Oooh, that sounds like fun." Hurricane's eyes gleamed.
"And SL - 7 is... The ... I can't read it."
"Well if we get down there I'm sure we'll find out," Reef said, "lets head onwards."
Meanwhile at Neocron,
The EGOS had joined the citizens for a party, commemorating nothing in particular. There was free alcohol and food, so no one cared what it was for. MoonUnit and Penzius were getting down with Trillian and friends. CheapLoveMotel was having a drinking contest with all of NDA, Critter was predicting what horrible things would happen next to people and Laemin was pretending to be a lamppost. The 2nd Circle of EGOS were all in Neofrag giving 20 or so runners the beatings of their lives. Reza looked on from above and smiled. He had planned this party to distract people from the growing rumours descending from the North; that the wheels of war turned fast up there and that soon Cassandra would be coming for their lives. Reza reclined back in his chair and breathed a short sigh of relief. This should get him through another month before the people start to get irritable again. Had it not been for the descisive victory using the FireWreathes, he would not have made it to the end of this month. But right now, time was all he needed. The wheels of war might spin fast in the North, but they spin even faster in Neocron. He just needed another month or two. Then the people wouldn't be yelling at him, they'd be bowing to him. His new assistant, Michael Felding, entered the office.
"What news Mike?"
"It's pretty quiet out there. Some rumours of dissentions amongst Twilight Guardians, and some of NUTS have gone off on a Wasteland expedition, but otherwise everyone is enjoying the festivities."
"Alright, keep the trackers going, but I think we can rest for this evening. It does look to be a quiet night."
"Yes, sir." Michael closed the door behind him.
That night, at Twilight Guardians,
"So it's agreed then?" Chiphead asked.
"Yes, we can no longer stand this... blatant cowardice." .cylon answered.
"We move, together, Now." Shadow growled. The rest of JERK's nodded in agreement.
For some time, the command of Twilight Guardians and JERK's had been butting heads. JERK's were of the absolute opinion that the Dome of York posed a clear and present danger and that they must engage them immediately. TG command on the other hand seemed to think if they did nothing, they would be left untouched. And so the two leaderships bickered and yelled for many a week. When Cassandra had taken control of the Dome, JERK's had geared up for war, in full expectation that TG command would not allow a former CityAdmin executive to take control of the Dome. They were wrong. TG command had simply smiled, as if they had been expecting it all along. And so for the last few weeks, JERK's had been making full preparations to sever their ties to TG and return to Neocron. This night, they were moving. JERK's gathered their belongings and began an evening march into the wastelands. They would journey to Tech Haven and from there contact the city and make them aware of their intentions. Once that was done they would then return to Neocron. Fully aware of the Fallen Angels attitude to what the former SODOM had done to TH, they asked if they would be granted safe passage. Suprisingly the Fallen Angels had granted it.
It would be a long night, so they got started...
Back at the Legacy,
"Geez you'd think they'd have put a few maintenance bots in here to clean the place from time to time. I haven't seen Spider Queen's make cobwebs this big." Reef complained.
"You complain to much. Exploration is an adventure, enjoy it." Warlock hacked away with his combatknife at the sticky strands of web.
"Fine, you enjoy the adventure. Me, I'm gonna take offense to having web in my hair."
"Woah, check this out." Eva called to them. They came to the room she was looking into. In it were rows upon rows of cryo-tubes. Each one had been opened and the dust on the ground had been disturbed.
"Guess this is where the DeltaGens were held." Eva said.
"I'm just glad they're gone." Hurricane said. Warlock looked at the far corner of the room and narrowed his eyes. He walked further into the room. The others beckoned him to return but he was fixated on something. As he neared the far side of the room, he continually gripped his psi gauntlet further. The dust at the far end of the room had been disturbed in the last few minutes...
It was at this point that Cassandra learned of the NUTS expedition and the Gates of the Dome were opening. Megaman was entering the deep sleep and Sid was starting to feel pretty good about himself. As Cassandra's Reveller tore out of the gate, the trackers in Neocron sounded off, but Michael, who was supposed to be monitoring them, was not paying attention, as he, and most of the party goers were distracted by the scene outside. Lupus had stolen Trillian's pants again and watching her run around pantsless after an EGOS with absolute speed was quite entertaining.
... and Warlock was certain he'd seen something moving around in the shadows. He approached as quietly as he could. And sure enough, he spotted two DeltaGens, their backs to him, loading their Fusion cannons. Warlock decided a quick Fire Barrel would be enough and prepared to cast when two latecomers showed up.
"YO WARLOCK, HOW's IT HANGING?" Diesel yelled into the room.
"Whatcha doin?" Byron called in. Warlock spun round to glare at them, but the glare quickly turned to frantic panic as the two DeltaGens leapt to their feet and prepared to fire.
"MOVE YOUR CANDY ASS NO BRAIN DROM LOVING BUTTS NOW!!!!" Warlock yelled as the Fusion fire started hailing past him. Cryo-tubes exploded and the glass showered them all. Warlock grabbed his NUTS and ran. They charged down the hall as fast as their Athletics would take them.
"Which way?" Lisa called.
"Pick one." the rest yelled back. They turned right and ran into another big room. As they entered the lights auto activated to reveal... rows of cryo-tubes containing more DeltaGens, unawoken.
"From now on, Lisa doesn't pick the direction." Eva whined.
"Hey!" Lisa took offense.
"Foyle, help me." Warlock threw him a Lasersword and the two ran over to some pipelines on the wall. They cleaved the pipes off the wall and from their exposed ends gushed the coolant for the Cryo-tubes.
"Are you nuts? You defrost them and they'll all wake up!" Diesel yelled.
"Wrong. If you just defrost someone in a cryo-tube, they die. They have to be re-animated properly. This will take care of the sleepers, and hopefully the other two, now go hide." And they hid. The two DeltaGens that had been pursuing them entered the room. One looked left, the other looked right, neither looked out. The coolant pipe exhausted liquid coolant upon them both and they began to freeze. In anger, they tried to walk forward, but their feet stuck to the floor. Another step, and one left its foot behind, snapping off at the ankle. As the liquid coolant turned them into icicles, Gully Foyle stepped out, pulled out his Wyatt Earp and with a badass look in his eye spoke:
"Asta La Vista, baby." He fired and the two shattered into a million gory pieces. The others came out to look and Hurricane patted Foyle on the back.
"Dude, that was cool. You used that movie line from that old film... you know the one... um.... yeah, Robocop."
"Let's move on." Warlock took them back to the intersection and they went left this time.
The nine companions marched in silence through the echoing corridors for a time. As they passed by rooms where DeltaGen's had once been frozen, they lived in hope that that was all the suprises left in this place. Finally they reached the end of the corridor and found a stairwell labelled "To SL-2".
"We still going?" Lisa asked. Warlock and Diesel had already begun descending the stairs, so the question was moot.
They exited the stairwell and were on SL-2. Here they found a more detailed map of the facility. Each Sublevel was constructed, with the exception of SL - 1, in a circular form. From the stairwell, the path led west, then north, then east, and then south, where it would meet the stairwell to the next floor. All the main rooms adjoined to these main corridors.
"Interesting design," Reef pointed out, "if you were in a rush to get in or out, you'd have a real pain of a time. Each floor is designed to make you walk all the way around to get to the next one."
"There might have been a faster way when it was built, but I guess we're stuck as pedestrians." Byron noted.
They began walking and got to the first turn and began heading north. On the left wall, there were glass panes and light coming through.
"A still active area?" Eva asked.
"Lets see," Diesel found a door and they entered the room. Rows upon rows of benches were in the room with lights above them and deutrithium steel benches at the far end.
"Looks like a mess hall." said Techi.
"No, its a bowling alley, of course its a mess hall." A synthesised voice yelled at them from beyond the benches. Taken aback, only Diesel and Warlock didn't take 5 steps towards the exit. These two walked forward and looked to see who had spoken. As they approached, a human-like creature wearing a dirty white apron walked out and came to face them.
"Who are you?" Warlock asked.
"I'm CHEF."
"CHEF?"
"Yeah CHEF. What, you work here and you never seen ol' CHEF before. Geez. I'm a Cybernetic Helper for Experimental Facilities, or CHEF for short. I manage the Mess Hall here, which Sherlock there figured out."
"Ah, ok. Well CHEF, I don't work here, I've just arrived. But I would like to meet any other employees around here, have you seen any?"
"Well, now that you mention it, I rang the lunch bell and no one came."
"And when was that?"
"Oh... would've been about 190 years ago."
"Riiiiggghhhhtt..... and this doesn't seem at all strange to you?"
"Well the science boys around here get distracted pretty easily. I'm sure once they're done with what they're doing their stomach's will tell em better than my bell will. They eat at such odd hours around here, but they eat like starving men."
"I'm sure you're right. Where would we find these science boys?"
"Oh, SL-3 and 4, thats where they hang out."
"Much obliged, we'll head down there and remind them about their meals."
"Well, hang on there, can't let ya go on an empty stomach, the boss would scrap me for that. I was hoping for some fresh Roach and Swampgrass 2 centuries ago... those delivery boys are gonna catch some hell for this I tell ya, errr... anyway, here's some Choc Choggers to keep your strength up. And you boys head back this way later and I'll fix you up something from the canned goods range."
"BOYS?" Eva protested, and grabbed her boobs, "What do you call these then?"
"Implants." CHEF replied. Eva's face matched her red hair, and Hurricane had to drag her back out into the hall before she unleashed Rei, her Soulcluster.
"Thanks CHEF, catch ya later." Diesel waved as the 9 exited.
"Right, better get cracking on dinner then...."
At that moment, just outside Tech Haven,
The members of JERK's, having left Twilight Guardians behind, were arriving at Tech Haven. The kind Fallen Angels allowed them access. But just as Murkster was about to enter he noticed a Reveller hauling ass across the mountains. Grabbing a scope, he checked who the driver was.
"Guys... isn't that Edwards?"
"Where?" Shadow grabbed another scope and saw for himself, "It is her. Where's she going in such a rush?"
"Only thing in that direction is Regant's Fortress." Elias, representative of Tech Haven said.
"Not the only thing..." .cylon pointed out.
"Seems our visit to Tech Haven has been cut short. JERK's, we're bailing. We make for Neocron this night." Chiphead yelled. They began another forced March, this time south, to alert Neocron that the queen bitch was roaming the wastelands.
"Strange though Shadow," .cylon said as they hurried on, "she's there, but where's her minions?"
Back at Dome of York,
"So Megaman and Cassandra took off together already?" Psycho Killa asked.
"Yes, yesss... er... They had to hurry, but insisted that you follow on. Here, take NUBI along with you and proceed to Regant's Legacy as quick as you can. I shall prep a squad of DeltaGens to follow you." Sid said.
"Okay, NUBI's you're with us. CDV, lets cause some chaos!" They all cheered as only stupid minions can and marched out the gate. The gate closed behind them and none were the wiser. It wasn't till the Defender bots and pop-up turrets opened fire that they realised they were betrayed.
"We are betrayed!" Psycho yelled, and a corpse turned in his grave.
"Yess.... Precious... they must all dies. They will dies, tricksy CDV. CDV never tells anyones the truth. Dome of York is better off without CDV (Big Red Subtitles slam down "HALELUJIAH BROTHER!!!"). Now diess" And thus the battle of the Dome vs. CDV began.
SL-3,
NUTS exited the 2nd stairwell with a degree of difficulty. The stairwell door was magnetically sealed and had to be disabled, but once that was done they entered the Lab section of the Legacy. Immediately they were confronted by turrets bursting from the ceiling and opening fire, all the while the lights going red and a siren going off.
"I'm guessing we're not supposed to be here." Reef pointed out. Warlock and Diesel used Energy Halo's to disable the electrical circuits and trash the turrets. Lisa had caught a few plasma rounds but Eva took care of some quick healing.
"A lot more security on this level." Techi noted to Diesel and Warlock.
"Probably gets worse the lower we go." Diesel opined.
"Weapons out everyone," Warlock called to the rest, "that wasn't too bad, but I think we've just crossed into the part of the facility that actually matters." They armed up. They moved through the different labs, examining the state of everything. The top two floors had been fairly neat and clean, aside from centuries of dust and cobwebs. This floor however was filled with scattered debris and broken windows, and it was not from the turret fire earlier. Many labs showed what appeared to be experiments in progress, and seemed to have been left unattended, as if the scientists had had to run all of a sudden. A few even had dried blood on glass shards.
"Ok, theory time," Reef stopped them mid-march, "why was the Legacy abandoned in the first place?"
"I think we're starting to see some of that. Would explain why this levels stairwell was sealed." Hurricane suggested.
"Ok so something went wrong on this level, and the levels above sealed it off. That would explain why it was clean upstairs, but... where are the skeletons?" And it was true. Though there was chaos and some blood, there were no bodies.
"Maybe everyone on this floor got out and then sealed it?"
"Maybe... lets keep going, I'm curious now." Warlock sneered. He knew all to well the lure of a good exploration.
As they carried on towards the next stairwell, there began to be a theme amongst the labs. The experimentation rooms all had large hermatically sealed chambers with a vial inside, roughly 2 metres high and a metre wide (thats roughly 6 and a half feet by 4 feet for our American readers). What was unnerving was that all the chambers were cracked. The other rooms had boards and displays and notes, each pertaining to a Project they called "The Cells", a project designed to create "an autonomous bio-engineered weapon capable of working in any environment" that could "achieve a state of controlled Mitosis by using any on-hand organic materials". None of those present truly understood what that meant. They only ascertained that it was a living weapon.
"SL-4 is the testing level. If my guess is right, this may be where the problems sourced from. We may be walking into some trouble here folks." Warlock declared. The others gripped their weapons, and they proceeded to SL-4.
Back in Neocron,
The jubilation came to a screeching halt when JERK's, no longer bearing the colours of TG, were escorted by NDA to CityAdmin through the party-goers. The realisation that something was up suddenly hung around their necks like a noose. Reza received Shadow, with a half dozen STORM bots in the room.
"Well Shadow, I'll be more happy to see you once you've signed back up with a city faction."
"And that will happen sir, but I bring news that couldn't wait for that."
"Very well, what is it?"
"Cassandra Edwards has been spotted making great speed towards Regants Legacy."
"WHAT? Who was with her?"
"That was what bothered us sir, she was alone." Reza couldn't have looked more puzzled, when Michael burst into the room.
"Sir, sorry to barge, but we're just getting these images from the Gate of the Dome." He patched through the transmission to the wall monitor. There they saw NUBI and CDV battling against the defenses of the Dome. And then Reza did the impossible and looked more puzzled.
"You're sure Cassandra is on her way to Regants?"
"Yes sir, I am."
"She's gone, CDV and NUBI are fighting the Dome... this is our chance! Gather the troops, we make for the Dome immediately!"
"But sir," Shadow interrupted, "should not someone go after Cassandra?"
"If we take the Dome, then she will have nowhere to go. The Legacy may have another squad of DeltaGens inside, who knows. But if she has no base to work from, nothing she finds in there will do her any good. Gather the troops..."
The Dome,
Sid was sitting back cackling away at his former allies fighting against the defences they had sworn were invincible. To add pain to their woe, Sid had a Warbot carry the Jukebox outside and threw it into their midst, with a song jammed on play. The fighters outside took cover and covered their ears.
"ARRGGGHHH, It's hideous!" One yelled.
"Its monstrous!" Another yelled.
"It's the SPICE GIRLS!!!" Psycho Killa screamed, "curse you Sid and your psychological warfare!!!" And Sid just kept on laughing.
SL-4,
The door showed signs of weaponsfire, which was not what they wanted to see. No lights at all worked on this floor. So the 9 travellers activated their flashlights (or dildo's) and began to walk. Everywhere they found blast damage, bullet casings and electrical scorching. Warlock, taking point, was looking along the path. This was where he was starting to worry. Still they could find no bodies, but now they were finding clothes. Shoes, labcoats, belts, underwear, but no bodies. They walked on a bit more. Warlock noted a rock in the path on the left, so navigated to steer the others away from it. He flashed his light to the right wall, noticing more damage and then back to the left. He stopped. The rock was gone. He looked around quickly and again stopped short. The wall with the damage now appeared a sleek, untarnished black wall. He took a few steps forward. Then stopped again.
"Form a circle, face outwards." He growled. Everyone formed a circle. Warlock pushed Eva into the middle, so they had 8 forming the circle and one on the inside.
"What're we looking for?" Lisa whispered.
"Not a sound." Warlock replied. They strained their ears to the silence, and then they heard it. A faint, soft, rippling sound, like shallow water running over pebbles. They looked around. Eva turned to face the other way and her foot squished in something. Warlock grabbed her arm and pulled them all out, and nodded to Lisa who fired her Pain Easer into the goo. The goo screeched and then rolled off down the corridor.
"What the hell is that?" Reef asked.
"Not time for explanations." Warlock growled again as he Firelanced the wall. The wall peeled away, morphing into a ball and rolled after the other one.
"Target anything thats pure black." He yelled.
"There's no light in here, everything's black." Foyle yelled back.
"Then shoot everything." And they did. To their horror practically every wall, surface, rock and pebble screeched and rolled off down the hall.
"Ok, time to get out of here." Byron suggested. And all would have done so, had the door behind them not been blocked by a giant blob of black goo that was actually growling at them. Warlock, Hurricane and Diesel stepped forward and blasted it with Energy Halo's. It rolled back but otherwise just seemed angry, not hurt.
"Fire?"
"Yes, lets." Fire Halo's came out and they lit it up. It screeched at them and then seemed to lose its form, sliming outwards across the floor.
"Ahhh good, so lets..." and then the goo reformed. It reshaped back into a giant ball.
"Oh give us a break!" Diesel groaned.
"Stand back!" Reef yelled as he and Gully launched Kami-drones at the blob. They impacted and detonated. The ball of goo smattered all over the corridor. No one was going to ask the question. They just waited and watched. And to their dismay, like something out of the movie that Hurricane can't remember the name to, the bits rolled back across the room and reformed. Lisa stepped forward with her Pain Easer, but nearly lost her grip in shock as the goo formed into.... her! It took female form and stood like a mirror image, pointing a Pain Easer made out of goo at them all. And then it fired. Bullets of goo shot out and struck Gully on the arm.
"Arrrggghhh.... its burning! My skin is burning!" He tried to scratch the goo off, but it just began to burn his fingers as well. Warlock, not one to worry about such things, aimed his Firelance at Foyle and set him on fire. The others looked on in dismay, but the goo screeched and fell to the floor, only to roll back across the floor and rejoin Lisa the Goo. Eva put Gully out and healed him.
"So.... run?" Warlock asked. The others nodded. And they ran. Lisa the Goo reformed into a ball and began chasing after them like a giant boulder in an Indiana Jones movie. Whoever could lobbed fire down the hall to slow it down but it was only gaining in strength as it began to merge with the other goo that had been sitting dormant in the corridor. Lisa pulled out a grenade and lobbed it down the hall. It turned out to be a life saver as out of the darkness another giant boulder was rolling towards them. The grenade detonated, blasting that boulder to bits, allowing them just enough time to pass before it added to the mass of the one behind. The stairwell was in sight and they all fired off as much fire damage as they could. Gully reached the door first and swung it open. The others hauled ass through the door and Reef helped Foyle slam it shut and seal it. The boulder crashed into the wall but it held strong.
"Ohhhh crap, I wanna go home." Eva gasped.
"I think we know what The Cells are now." Warlock seethed.
"But that was huge, it looked like way too much to fit into those vials we saw upstairs."
"You're forgetting the other part," Warlock saw they were all looking for an explanation so he gave one, "we were wondering why there were no bodies, and you're wondering why there's more of that goo than could have been in the vials. The one is the answer to the other. The documents upstairs said that The Cells were an autonomous bio-engineered weapon that could achieve mitosis by using on-hand biological material. Now I get it. They use living materials to make more Cells." And it was so. The Cells were designed to be introduced, just a few microscopic cells at a time, to the Dome populace. They would then slowly ingest biological material; food, rats, peoples skin, and then multiply. And they would continue multiplying till they reached a point where they could attack an entire person and overwhelm them, and then use them to multiply further. And from there it was exponential. However, as history proved, the Dome was not the target The Cells ended up attacking. Before any genetic conditioning could be done to inhibit The Cells from attacking their creators, they broke free from a Testing room, just a few microscopic cells at a time. They hid as dust, as pipes, as anything they wanted to be till they were strong enough to overpower a guard, and from there... the rest was history.
"What do we do then? The exit is that way." said Byron.
"We have more grenades and kami drones, we could fight our way back to the exit, seal it up and get out of here." Lisa suggested.
"It would take time to get past the door when we re-open it. They'll be on the other side. We'd have to prepare." Reef explained. They were about to begin to prepare when Warlock started pushing them down the stairs.
"What?"
"This stairwell isn't sealed, look!" And they saw that, just a few specks of dust at a time, The Cells were coming through an air vent overhead. The nine ran like Carl Lewis on Vitamin Supplements.
Outzone Station,
"You know the mission, move out and end this war before it begins!!!" Reza had one good trait, his corny, uplifting speeches did the trick. Fired up, the forces of Neocron set out in whatever vehicles they could muster towards the Dome to destroy all they found there. At their current speed they would arrive in 90 minutes.
The Dome again,
CDV were being pressed further and further back. They had destroyed the Jukebox but Sid had upped the odds by releasing a wave of BETA Warbots against them. Things were not looking good.
Just outside Regants Legacy,
Cassandra skidded to a halt, crushing a Slimeworm in her wake. She saw footprints heading in and knew that NUTS were already inside. She walked to a nearby boulder, and dusted off a few rocks. She then tapped her finger in a sequence, and the boulder lifted up to reveal an elevator door that opened for her. She stepped inside, and it descended.
SL-5,
The Nine quickly remembered that this level was Command and Control. They ran towards the main room and entered it, closing the door as best they could.
"This won't buy us long." Hurricane panted.
"I know, but even a little time is better than none." Warlock leaned up against the glass, feeling his energy draining fast. Hope had apparently decided to pitch a tent on SL-2 and let them go on ahead.
"Guys, look at this! There's a way out if we go down!" Reef exclaimed. The others all looked at him. Apparently Hope had caught up at last.
"These blueprints show an emergency elevator for Command Personnel on SL-7. It goes all the way to the surface!"
"Why only Command personnel?" Lisa asked.
"Well they're the only one's with access to SL-7."
"So either we need enough firepower to get past the doors or we need an access key." Byron determined.
"Seems like." Reef said.
"Hey look," Eva jumped up, "SL-7 Access key, its right here!" She reached for the black card on the desk, but Foyle grabbed her arm just in time, as the card became a claw and tried to grab her. A concentrated Fire Beam from Diesel saw the blob of goo cooked to perfection. It was solid this time, so they threw it down the corridor.
"Seems energy pisses them off, fire can bake them and slow them down and bullets don't do squat." Diesel groaned.
"And considering the notes upstairs, since they're designed for all regions, I doubt radiation is gonna work either." Techi noted.
"So its explosives all the way." Reef grabbed his Missile Drone.
"Ok, this is helpful. SL-6 is sealed off from 5. So they're not below this level. If we get there we can seal these black boogers up here and just head for the elevator." Warlock got up and the others followed. With Hope back alongside, they walked back into the main corridor. That was when the wall behind them erupted and a tidalwave of The Cells burst forth. It was running time again. Everyone who had fire started lobbing it behind them. They ran as if they were EGOS down that corridor. As they saw the end, there was a door. Foyle was about to sprint forward to open it for them when Lisa grabbed a grenade from her belt and hurled it forward. The door morphed backwards and then catapulted the grenade back at them. They dived out of the way and it shot into the approaching mass, exploding and stopping its advance. The three APU monks let loose with fire and cooked the rubbery door, and another grenade removed it from their path. The nine charged through and went into the stairwell, sealing the gate and The Cells behind them.
The Dome,
The Forces of Neocron arrived to see the beaten members of CDV still struggling for their lives. Old rivalries were set aside as the forces linked together to engage the Dome. Yet Sid did not open the gates to dispatch any more units. 2 squads of BETA Warbots and a few turrets were all that was still defending against hundreds of well armed runners. Within half an hour the bots were no more and the forces of Neocron marched on the gate. They only hesitated when Sid's voice burst from a loudspeaker.
"Wells...Precious, they comes. All the peoples of Neocron's they does. To takes our homes aways from usss...Yesss. Go now, leave Precious alone!"
"Sid? Open up in the name of Neocron. Do it now or we'll kick that door and your ass up your throat." Zane Shadowfall had been up front in the assault, and his words pleased his fellow fighters.
"Ohhh dears, how politely this ones asks. Wells then we must not be rude, Precious. No, we will sings him a rhyme!"
"Just how many times did your parents drop you on your head? I know Drom's don't have arms, but come on..." Zane joked. Again the others laughed.
"Roses are Red,
Violets Are Blue.
If I drop this Bomb,
Whats that make you?" Sid sang to them. They stopped laughing. A port on a mountain behind the Dome opened up and the warhead of a short range missile poked out. Reluctantly, the Forces of Neocron took CDV into custody and withdrew from the Dome.
SL-6,
Having sealed The Cells away again, NUTS took a break to enjoy the snacks they had been given.
"Thanks CHEF." was about all they could say as they chowed down on 190 year old chocolate. It was actually pretty good.
Once their energy returned they moved on, and there they found the Armoury. Not ones to assume anything, they geared back up on grenades and any other explosive weapons they could find. Then they marched on through the Sixth Circle. They reached the stairwell and descended once more.
"How deep are we anyway?" Reef asked.
"I'd say we're a mile down." Gully replied.
"What makes you say that?"
"Just a guess. See the rocks they carved the stairwells out of when we're in the stairwells? Thats seriously compressed rock. If we're not a mile down, then I'm not a geologist."
"You're not a geologist." Diesel remarked.
"Ah well...."
They emerged into SL-7 to find a maximum security gate in front of them. To their considerable joy, they found two dead bodies. One was dressed in a Scientist jacket, he had a SL-7 passcard in his hand. The other was a Security Guard with a gun in hand. From what they could determine, the Scientist had made it this far with a stolen card and was trying to gain access to the emergency elevator. The Guard, who probably didn't know what was going on up above, had shot him. Unfortunately, when SL- 5 was sealed off, he was trapped, and being a Security Guard he did not know about the Emergency elevator. Hence he had starved to death alongside the scientist whom he shot; ironically the one man who could have saved his life. The members of NUTS, not taking any chances, checked around for any black surfaces, just in case their theory about the deaths was accurate. But the fact that the bodies had not been processed was fairly convincing proof. They used the card and gained access to SL-7. Lisa, overjoyed to be getting out of the hellhole, stepped through first and was promptly shot for her eagerness by the awaiting Cassandra.
The Dome again,
Sid, elated with his scare tactic to get rid of Neocron's assault force, overjoyed at having taken the mighty Megaman out and over the moon at now being the Lord of the Dome, decided to call Cassandra and share his good fortune.
And back to SL-7,
Lisa's wound was a uranium round to the shoulder. Eva would have taken care of it in an instant, but could not make a move with Cassandra there. The nine stood and glared at the Queen Bitch of the Wastelands.
"My my, you made it all the way down here, I'm impressed. I'd often thought of coming inside to find out about the suprise that Regant left in here, but hadn't had the time. Though as you can see, I know an easier way down." Cassandra smirked.
"There's 9 of us and only one of you. What makes you think you've won?" Reef growled
"Because CDV and 2 squads of DeltaGens will be here in the next two minutes. Lay a finger on me and you'll never survive this. Under the circumstances I'll be generous and just have you removed from my property. Consider it an act of charity."
"Your property? You just said you'd never been in here."
"True, but I am the only one who knows WHAT is in here."
"You mean you WERE the only one. We know about The Cells now." Reef looked her hard in the eyes. He wasn't sure if he should be happy about the fact she looked confused.
"What ever are you talking about... I'm talking about this behind me." And she pointed to a massive machine. It was a giant pump station, with 6 pistons channelled into the ground. At the top of each piston was an impact hammer to drive the pistons down. Reef looked noticably worried.
"What is it?"
"A Seismic Wavefront Generator. I believe you know what that means." The horrified look on Reef's face told her he did. Reef had been able to study many parts of the Ceres Discs, and this was one part that had chilled his mind and soul.
"No... it can't be, you can't use it... not the SWG!! SWG will be the death of all Neocron!!" (Big Red Subtitles slam down "SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!") "We have to stop her!" The others went to charge her.
"With the press of this button, I can destroy the entire city of Neocron and everyone in it. One more step, and I will." Cassandra leaned over a big yellow button on the control panel. They stopped. All of a sudden Cassandra's communicator sprung to life.
"Cassssandra." Sid called.
"Yes? Sid where are my troops, the should have arrived by now."
"Your troopsss are now my troops. Your mother is now gone. I control the Domes, yes Preciousss... You loses!!" Cassandra went pale.
"YOU SON OF A DROM!!!"
"Don't speaks bitchesss... I woulds be findings somewhere to hides if I's was u. Cause I R L337 Precious.. I ROXXOR UR BALLZ!!! YESSS!!" Cassandra smashed her communicator to the ground. With tears in her eyes and vengeance in her heart, she slammed her fist down on the button and the pistons shot at a speed beyond that of sound deep into the earth. The ground split, the earth shook and the walls shuddered.
Neocron,
The first of the troops were returning, downcast. Reza took the news that Sid now controlled the Dome as good and bad. He knew Sid would launch a war, but at least he was not Cassandra. Cassandra knew every dirty trick Neocron could pull, Sid was just genocidal. He was about to head for his office when the entire city quaked. Windows shattered, walls broke, but the city stood.
Tech Haven, Twilight Guardians, Military Base and Dome of York,
Everywhere felt a massive and resounding earthquake. Walls broke, foundations weakened, but the cities remained.
SL-7,
Giant cracks in the walls formed and the entire facility felt like it was a deck of cards. Cassandra looked around her in dismay; something had not gone right.
"Why?? Just let me have my vengeance!! WHY!!!" Only she knew to whom she was screaming, she and him. But her scream for vengeance turned to just a scream, as a giant blob of pure black goo oozed out of a fizzure in the ceiling and her very flesh was stripped away.
"Time to leave?" Warlock turned to the others.
"Yeah." They all nodded. And they all ran. They ran for the elevator and boarded it. The goo was too busy mealing down on the late Cassandra Edwards to pursue them and they travelled 1.3 miles back to the surface (Gully got a pat on the back for that). When they reached the surface, they smashed the controls to the elevator.
"Well at least The Cells are stuck down there." Hurricane breathed a sigh of relief, and they set course back to Neocron to see the damage. Warlock however stood and looked on in despair at Regants Legacy. For there was a giant crack that had opened up and had allowed the nearby river to flood into the facility. And sure enough: The water around the facility had turned a pitch black colour.
Reza's Office
The Nine reported in, not too happy to be standing in the same office with JERK's but under the circumstances they said nothing.
"So, what was that?" Reza asked.
"Poisoning the wells." Reef replied.
"Excuse me?" Shadow looked at him funny.
"Cassandra unleashed the SWG mechanism. The theory is that you create a tectonic shockwave that will destroy a small city. However, what she didn't realise is that that technology is supposed to be mobile, a small one piston device. The one in the Legacy had 6 stationary pistons."
"So what did it do?" Reza asked, now physically showing signs of concern.
"As I said, it poisoned the wells. Back in ancient times, if an attacking force looked like it was going to take your town, you abandoned it, but you poisoned the wells so that the land was unusable. It's the ultimate act of spite. Regant designed this machine along the same lines. If Neocron had ever been close to losing the Ceres War he would have used it," Everyone looked at him even more intensely, "I had seismic analyses done. The device has begun a chain reaction. As we know at the end of the 3rd World War, a great deal of tectonic shifting took place, completely altering the face of our world. The SWG device is designed to accelerate that tectonic chaos so that the planets crust will rip itself to pieces."
"How bad can it get."
"It couldn't get any worse. The planets tectonic plates will crush each other. All land masses will be destroyed and ultimately our entire planet is going to fall apart from the inside out. It's Armageddon." Everyone took a long silence.
"How long?" Reza was the first to speak.
"Our estimate is 365 days." Byron answered.
"So, we have 1 year to either figure out how to stop this, or to find a way off the planet." Shadow looked gloomy.
"Yes. I don't think this should be kept under wraps. If the people know, maybe they'll be more motivated to work to a solution." Michael suggested.
"Agreed. I'll spread the word in a few hours. Thank you gentlemen. I'm sure you could all use some rest. We have a long year ahead of us." They departed from his office.
"Great," Eva sighed, "one year to either revive the entire space program to a point its never been before, or stop an entire planet from shaking apart. Well here's my bright side. Things couldn't possibly get any worse..." And Warlock clenched his teeth.
D minus 365 days.
Until next time...
NERD Issue # 041
What The Hell Is Going On?
A lot has happened these past few months. Where once there was a Neocron where almost nothing happened, now there is a countdown to Armageddon. Where once there were 12 factions , now there are twelve factions, numerous warring clans an a genocidal lunatic in charge of the worlds largest army talking to himself. It can be a little confusing, so lets take a moment to recap just what directly the funky munky is going on...
The City of Neocron:
This place is the centre of all hate. Everyone and their pet Warbot is heading here to beat the doors down, slaughter the populace and pull Reza's head from his shoulders to use as a chip 'n' dip serving bowl for their next coctail party. Reza is still in charge but he's holding on by a very thin thread. The city has survived an all out assault by Dome of York through the use of two Cold Fusion missiles, a sabotage attempt by Cassandra Edwards directed to the main power grid and a planetary earthquake triggered by the same Miss Edwards. The city has stood the test of time not by the strength of its leadership but by the strength of its people. The recent additions of the Mech's and FireWreathes to its arsenal have helped stem the destruction, although less successful inventions like the X-borgs have done plenty to undo that success. Only time will tell if the city will survive.
The Dome of York:
Still a mystery to most. The average runner can only hear the name and wonder, when can I go there? (Big Red Subtitles slam down "WHEN??? WHEN???"). It has gone through some serious leadership changes of late. First it was led by a guy in serious need of a tan who took his orders from a growling voice over a comm channel. He obviously had a lot of faith, since every time someone with a deep voice calls me over the link its because they want rough sweaty butt-sex or are part of some neo-mutant cult... I need an unlisted apartment... anyway. Once this moron of faith was deposed by plasma, Cassandra Edwards, assited by CDV and NUBI took over. She lasted a few weeks, generally gloating and scheming and plotting a lot of revenge. Some people need to just join a club or something... maybe take up knitting, I hear its very therapeutic. However, the Day of the Quake saw Cassandra, well, turned into a light snack by The Cells (more on them later). As a result, Insidious Wolf (or Sid) and his Precious (don't ask) are now the joint leaders of the Dome (hooray). The Dome does possess a lot of short range defensive weapons and the most powerful land based army ever assembled. Should the Dome ever put forth its hand in the pursuit of war again, Neocron will be supremely lucky to survive the experience.
Twilight Guardians:
Its still a craphole. I mean come on lets face it. Its essentially the kind of place that would have been used as a landfill 700 years ago. But despite its fungus, dust and the smell of over-worn socks, TG is still home to some of the most militant freaks we've ever seen. JERK's called it home once upon a time, but it didn't last. They never really fit in, so they went back home to Neocron and to Tangent Technologies. This has left TG in the hands of a few major clans and a handful of unclanned runners. The main story of Neocrons fate has not involved TG very much, but that is soon to change.
Tech Haven:
The big blue sterile hole in the ground. You often feel like you walked into a medical lab, except in a lab you'd actually find people. Our story began there, with the war of ASS, SODOM and NUBI battling it out. But that war moved to new locations, and for the longest time Tech Haven has been deserted. Now however, life has begun to spring back into it. Fallen Angels has been the long time home of DarK, who will very soon enter the great wheels of this story, and of TecH, who have risen and fallen and risen in power too times to be counted. What part they will play in the coming storm, only time will tell. For now, they can continue to stare at their hypnotically blue walls, and wonder about the greatest question of all time: Would Tech Haven suit pastels?
Military Base:
The Military Base has also not featured much into our story. This is essentially because a.) our story has always rushed past them and b.) it is not their time. The Base was besieged many months ago and was overrun by Dome of York forces, but was then retaken in the same day. The rebuild was slow but successful. Since that time, none have dared to cross paths with the Mercs. But a time may soon come for the Mercs to step up and show their worth.
NUTS:
Formerly known as ASS (Against System Shock) until the destruction of their clan by ReefSmoker handing over the clan key in a duped (or doped) state to Shadow. They reformed under the banner of NEXT for many months and have fought in all the battles. They were in the battle for Neocron against the forces of Dome of York, they helped stop the battalion of DeltaGens in the battle against the traitor Cassandra, and lost a good man stopping the sabotage of the reactors of Neocron when McDanish met perma-death. His obvious statements have been sorely missed.
They also were the first to discover The Cells, the latest terror to rampage the Wastelands, and were witnesses to Cassandra dooming the planet when she activated the SWG machine.
The members and numbers of NUTS have gone all over the place. The likes of Jonavan, Deo, Crono and Trillian have moved on or disappeared, whereas others like Lisa, Reef, Hurricane, Warlock and Eva have remained. Though not the most powerful clan ever, it is filled with perhaps the most unlikely crew of people ever brought together by strange circumstance. Say what you will about them, but they're just nutty enough to be interesting.
JERK's:
Formerly SODOM (we don't really know what it stands for), they have relentlessly pursued a war with ASS/NUTS for as long as the Pluto realm has existed. This raging war between the two has been well documented and the reasons explored. At first it seemed that the cause was simply a territorial fight over Soliko and Eastgate, but further investigation turned up some traumatising incidents in their childhood including stolen weed, breast implants and an assortment of other tales you can look up on your own. Whether the war between these two will ever end is yet to be seen. But rest assured, they both have a part to play in the coming year.
NUBI:
Dead and buried. This was never really a clan. It was Sid surrounded by no name weenies who thought it was cool to be around a guy who talks to himself. After Sid had the guns of DoY attack his former clan, I don't think they're gonna find it so cool anymore.
CRC:
What the hell happened to these guys? The Corpse [censored by KK] Canadians seem to have disappeared off the face of the Plutonian Earth. And I had such high hopes for them too...
EGOS:
For guys who are supposed to just watch and fix things they do an exceeding amount of meddling don't they? Especially those 1st Circle guys... They should all be shot, courtmarshalled and sent to the Yorkist front, not necessarily in that order (except Laemin, he's nice, he should be made President). The 2nd Circle EGOS are not in this story much, and there's a reason for that. 2nd Circle guys are actually the ones who do all the work, and get very little of the credit. I suppose I should do a tribute story to them.... nahh. I prefer making them look like pants thieves ;)
The DEVS:
The enigmatic creators and destroyers of the world around us. Their agenda is dictated by the Power That Is: MJS. Their motive is unclear, but their methods are harsh. One can only hope that through the turmoil, they will live up to their motto of "Building Better Worlds".
NERD Editor:
The hardest working, and worst paid writer in the history of humanity. Broke his fingers around Issue 7 so had them replaced with steel plated matchsticks for easy key pressage. Must really invest in voice recognition software.... Ah well. His Mission: To Entertain. His Motive: To be recognised as a source of entertainment. His Goal: To cause the Mods pain.
MODS:
Gluttons for punishment
Odin:
The King to the Realm of Gluttons for Punishment, but makes a kickass Cheeze Sandwich with Roach legs.
The Cells:
An ammoral killing machine. Everything it kills makes it stronger and so far no weapon can make them weaker. They are coming, and what change they will bring, only I know for sure ;)
So, sit right back and I'll tell you a tale, a tale of fun and war,
Cause after all, my loyal NERDs, you always ask for more.
Of Armageddon, Sid and death, of balls of pitch black slime,
But all of this will, I's sorry to say, will wait for now Until Next Time...