UK Official Gathering | Chelmsford | The Aftermath
So, as you may know, a few of us met up in Chelmsford, Essex this weekend for beer, shenanigans and general debauchery.
I was planning on purchasing a video camera to document most of the weekend and edit into a piece to put up, but my car decided that it needed over £500 to get through it's MoT, so alas there is not quite enough footage of our escapades as I would have liked. Not that there isn't any, but I'll get to that.
I was picking up Brammers from his home in Chippenham, not too far from where I live, before heading over.
I left at around 10:15, aiming for an hour's drive up. Traffic in Salisbury and Melksham promptly shat on my plans and I got to Brams' house at 12:20.
Thankfully the M4 was kinder to us and we made 'rapid' though 'economically inefficient' progress before hitting the M25, which actually wasn't too bad until we hit the road works around two of it's busiest junctions.
Our plan was to meet with Neo at around 1:30 for a cheeky lunchtime beverage, though by the time we arrived it was 3:30. As it transpired, we were actually the first to turn up. Quick pint while we waited for our guide to Chelsmford.
Soon after Neo and also Trivaldi and Scarus joined us and it was off to town.
One terrifying car journey later and we staggered into the Plough.
I was delighted to discover that the ales were a mere £2.60, almost a pound cheaper than I was expecting.
This did not bode well for the rest of the night.
Wasp enslavement and a lot of beer later saw the joining to the party of Hoder and Invinci, suitably celebrated by the acquisition of more beer. I also partook of a 'Cumberland Sausage Whirl', a fine meal of sausage, mash, peas and Yorkshire pud, washed down with beer.
At some point it was decided that another locale was desired (though I would have been happy slowly melting into the furniture at the Plough).
We moved up the road to a place called something - what? I don't rememberohwait Barista (Baristas?). Dreading the usual nightclub over-priced, under-poured, nasty tasting 'ales' that one tends to run into at these places, I was rather enlivened by the fact that they had three ales on and for only £3 a go and not only that, but they didn't taste of complete horse cock.
Of course, I had spent Thursday night drinking (a fact I didn't inform Brams of until around the third pint at the Plough), went to bed very late, got up around 8:30 and then spent the best part of over five hours driving. As a result I was completely shattered and I started to nod off. You will be glad to know photos of my semi-comatose state were taken. The bouncers were not entirely happy with this, or the similar actions of Hoder, who had also undergone comparable exploits prior. The little nap helped though and I was brought back afresh for some 'interesting' activities and photo sessions that then transpired (involving Scarus' gentleman vegetables and myself under a table between Neo's legs).
Eventually we left, I was still rather knackered, so me and Brams headed back to the hotel while the rest went off to do... something, I dunno, they never mentioned what exactly.
Despite feeling tired, I slept little and woke up around 6 or 7. I dozed for a while before getting up around 9:30 for tea and a smoke and then another tea and a smoke and then there was no more teabags because travelodges are tight like that. Brams tossed and turned and moaned and eventually muttered something vaguely legible around 11 and pulled himself out of bed around half an hour later. We phoned the rest and met up in the reception, though not before while waiting for them Brams handed me his drink and ran back to the room to make an offering to the porcelain throne.
We got into town and near the station we quite at random bumped into Nobby. As is the tradition between us, a hug was in order and this was received. He had attained numerous Japanese snacks before returning to the UK, with which he intended to share/disgust/confuse/tempt/delight/mind-fuck us.
Much searching for a greasy spoon or the sandwich bar recommended by Neo eventually led us to go into a pub that served an all-day full-english. Triv was noticeably worse for wear, stating that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be sick (again) or just crawl under the table for a cry.
Some confusion between myself and the staff over my sausage occurred, but eventually they appologised and gave me some of their mushroom that I didn't want anyway. It was fine though as Hoder slurped it up. Invinci made some terrible sausage and mushroom puns. We were not impressed.
We then realised that it was well into the afternoon and dangerously close to evening, as we had got up so late (well... some of us). Neo suggested bowling of the top off his head and with not much else to do in the now miserable weather we agreed.
Alas it was considerably further out of town that we thought (Neo operating on how long it took when driving (his driving) rather than those operating à la pied) and due to people walking at disparate speeds, a period of temporary navigational uncertainty resulted.
However, bowling was eventually had and I won. Overall. I mean in the second game I played like complete arse and Triv could of got me but I managed to get enough to beat him by a few points and we are like totally sure he used GM hax and stuff and I won anyway so there.
I also had some of the most horrid Tetley's I have ever had. It was well minging.
We also stuffed Brams and Nobby into a potentially inappropriate arcade entertainment device, depending on your viewpoint.
The rain at this point decided to rain on our expected parade back into town for the evening's activities, so thankfully we were given a reason to book a taxi. It was cosy.
I then discovered that my outfit for the main night of the meet was missing a vital component. I had the shoes, the trousers, the waistcoat and the bow tie... but no shirt.
We also made a call to BlackMaze on the NeoCast before heading off, the results of which you can see here.
We sauntered off through the drizzle to the Woolpack, which wasn't too far in the end.
I was then invigorated by the fact that one of the beers was on cheap while stocks lasted at a reasonable £3 a pint. I started a tab.
We had the back bar to ourselves and the use of the pool table. We played a game of killer and then started a vicious North vs South pool tournament. Which I won (Brams helped I suppose). Nobby declared us massive horse cocks.
Joe and his ladyfriend Amy turned up at this point too. He, Scarus and Hoder (maybe Nobby too?) sampled some 'special' pickled eggs and spicy olives that the pub was serving.
We also did another live feed to NeoCast, entertaining him with our drunken ways and my arse.
Eventually we decided to move on. We stopped at a fish and chip shop for some sustenance. I got a battered sausage and chips (with which I displayed my many-fold talents), Triv was incredulous at the prospect of waiting the period of time it took to make a pizza and had something else.
I was considerably inebriated at this juncture so again I and Brams decided to head back to the hotel. One issue with the previous night's enjoyment was the lack of a bed cover for me, as the hotel had assumed one person was staying in the room. This night we remembered to ask for one and they said they would bring it up.
Six hours later I awoke to find myself still in my clothes with a sheet and duvet at my feet. As it turned out, the person at reception had come up, Brams had let her in and she had laid the covers over my stinking, stench-ridden, near-comatose form not long after I had collapsed on the spare bed after getting in.
I had a slash, took off my clothes and went back to bed to doze and wait from Brams to wake up (again).
Breakfast was had in MacDonalds next to a nearby ice rink that most of us had no intention of going to despite the potential for video capture based hilarity. I have no idea what happened with those that did go, they never mentioned what exactly.
Nobby then produced his various Japanese treats and we stood around in the carpark sampling a range of tofu, squid, soy sauce, wasabi and sugar based items. Joe was generally unimpressed, though this was probably due to the 'after-effects' of the pickled eggs and olives that he had consumed the night previous.
I rather enjoyed the wasabi flavoured ramune and had to explain the virtues and history behind the unconventional sealing method employed.
I did not enjoy the squid or soy sauce tofu products. They were well minging.
We said our goodbyes and partook of many a man-hug (and regular hugs for Amy) and finally left for our respective locales.
Me and Brams' trip back to Chippenham was initially difficult due to a more troublesome M25, but the M4 was even quieter than the Friday and even more 'rapid' and 'economically inefficient' progress was made on the way back. We drank some tea, watch with amusement/embarrassment/horror at the videos and photos we had attained before I then chugged back to Salisbury with not a lot left in the tank and probably less in the bank.
So there we go. Check out the THN twitter feed for some of the shots from the weekend (Warning: Cock of both the Scarus and Massive Horse variety contained within). Brams is going to sort out the ones on his camera in a bit as I hope the rest will and I intend to edit together the videos we managed to get hold of and put that up too.
