Bodgit Technologies
Plaza Sector 3
Lift Code: lovestospooge
Dear Sir, Madam or whatever you want to call yourself, right now I can think of a few names for you.
I’m writing to complain about a recent purchase of one of your “state of the art” servo robots. On retiring to my apartment with said purchase, I was horrified to find that all my family and next of kin were subsequently maimed and slaughtered in front of my innocent eyes as soon as I opened the box. I didn’t even have chance to remove the price tag before said robot had bludgeoned my granny to death with her own walking stick. After the initial murdering spree I requested my newly bought robot to make me some toast, at which point he vaporised my dog. I quickly looked through the manual which was mostly written in German and when I did find the paragraph written in English it was about as useful as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition.
The point I’m trying to make is - I’m very disappointed. All I wanted was a robot to help me with the chores around the apartment, which was stated on your website when I was thinking of buying the bloody thing, imagine my dismay when I am greeted not by the sight of freshly cleaned bed sheets but a rampaging robot hunting the postman for sport.
Yes, I have tried to turn the thing off, a suggestion made by your lousy technical support and I can honestly say such an act is futile because when I tried to the robot dislocated my arm. As I write this I have barricaded the apartment door to protect me from your psychotic robot and I am hoping at some point it runs out of power or the postman comes round. I will have to jump out of the window and run to a nearby City Administration building all the while on edge and fearful for my life. Put it this way I don’t need a laxative.
All I ask is that you refund my purchase and possibly pay some of the funeral bills. That’s all. I think that’s a pretty fair deal considering everyone I love and care about is now dead and the postal service have black listed my apartment.
Please listen to my request you miserable, money grabbing bastards.
