View Full Version : Jokes
K, I'm in a laughing mood. Or in a mood to be cheered up. Or.... whatever. Sooo..... Tell me your favourite jokes. Here's mine:
4 women walk into a church for confession. The first enters the little room thing.
Girl 1: Father, forgive me, I have touched a mans penis.
Priest: Wash your fingers in holy water, say 10 Hail Marys, and you will be absolved.
She does this, and leaves the church. The second goes in.
Girl 2: Father, forgive me, I have kissed a mans penis.
Priest: Wash your lips in holy water, say 10 Hail Marys, and you will be absolved.
An arguement breaks out between the last two women, who have been listening to the other two girls confessing their sins. The priest goes out.
Priest: Whats going on here?
Girl 4: If I have to gargle holy water, I'm sure as hell gonna do it before she sticks her arse in it!
:lol:
A boy is nagging his mother that his stomach hurts, his mother says to him "That's because there's nothing in it!".
A few minutes later, the boy's father comes home from work and complains that his head hurts, the boy promptly says "That's because there's nothing in it!".
ZING!
Knock Knock.
Who is there?
Martin J
Martin J who?
Martin J Smith.
A guy and a girl walk into a bar.
The guy asks the girl if she wants a drink.
"Sure, I'll have a martini" she says to the bartender, the man orders a beer.
Then they dance a bit and go home.
...
..
.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Originally posted by Marx
A guy and a girl walk into a bar.
The guy asks the girl if she wants a drink.
"Sure, I'll have a martini" she says to the bartender, the man orders a beer.
Then they dance a bit and go home.
...
..
.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
I GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elroy Jetson
17-02-04, 00:04
2 muffins are sitting in an oven
One muffin says the the other "Damn its getting hot in here".
The other muffins looks over and says "OMG A TALKING MUFFIN"
:D
Originally posted by Elroy Jetson
2 muffins are sitting in an oven
One muffin says the the other "Damn its getting hot in here".
The other muffins looks over and says "OMG A TALKING MUFFIN"
:D
LOL
I like that one, alot!
Doc Holliday
17-02-04, 00:16
Marx man are u on it tonight or what?? er ok how do i say this.
n1c3 j0k3? that right. :p
Originally posted by Doc Holliday
Marx man are u on it tonight or what?? er ok how do i say this.
n1c3 j0k3? that right. :p
Stopped taking in caffeine.
Guess it was like, a behavioral inhibitor or something.
:(
Doc Holliday
17-02-04, 00:31
well dude lay off the caffiene. i cried laughin at that muffin joke. something to look at tommorrow when im stuck at work too. :p
•Super|\|ova•
17-02-04, 00:35
Once upon a time there was a PP clan which had many OPs.
Originally posted by Elroy Jetson
2 muffins are sitting in an oven
One muffin says the the other "Damn its getting hot in here".
The other muffins looks over and says "OMG A TALKING MUFFIN"
:D Omg that is the funniest friggin joke I have ever heard in my life. I gotta remember that one.
I hate laughing at work its obvious Im not working. :(
Originally posted by Jest
Omg that is the funniest friggin joke I have ever heard in my life. I gotta remember that one.
I hate laughing at work its obvious Im not working. :(
http://dirtynuke.net/untitled.JPG
"What are you doing"
"Rearranging my desk"
"You don't like it?"
"I have no feelings on the matter, I'm mearly attempting to optimize"
Doc Holliday
17-02-04, 00:50
is that pic from equilibrium. i have seen the end of it and some of the gun kata shit he does. that film rox for the fight scenes but i heard the plot is a little weak
•Super|\|ova•
17-02-04, 00:52
Originally posted by Doc Holliday
is that pic from equilibrium. i have seen the end of it and some of the gun kata shit he does. that film rox for the fight scenes but i heard the plot is a little weak
No, it's from Alice In Wonderland: Director's Cut.
Originally posted by Doc Holliday
plot is a little weak
It could of been developed a bit better.
Figure a mix of Farenhiet 451 and A Brave New World.
Clownst0pper
17-02-04, 01:03
THE BEST JOKE EVER! HERE IT COMES!
Neocron
:lol:
man is at a zoo looking at a giant gorilla who is pretty much just sitting there. guy figures he is board so he throws it a peanut
the gorilla snatches it out of the air, carefully holds it up for inspection, and then quickly puts it in his butt, pulls it out again and eats it
the guy is floored, half with disgust and half with facination - that had to be a fluke. so the guy throws another peanut ... and the gorilla does it again. careful inspection, the whole thing. and a third time --- same thing.
the guy is thinking - this animal is sick, something is wrong, I have to report this. He finds a zookeeper and tells him the story -- the zookeeper says tsch, ah yes, him - we are working on it, well, someone threw him a peach pit last week and he had a little trouble passing it, so now he measures everything first.
Shadow Dancer
17-02-04, 01:48
PPUs are balanced.
Lucid Dream
17-02-04, 01:51
Whats brown and sticky?
A stick
=========================
Whats heavy, green, brown, and if it falls from a tree it will kill you?
A pool table
Originally posted by Lucid Dream
Whats brown and sticky?
A stick
=========================
Whats heavy, green, brown, and if it falls from a tree it will kill you?
A pool table
HeH
You sir, are the king of comedy!
comeon a propper joke, ill tell u mine.
3 blokes go camping,
the next day, the bloke that slept on the left said "i felt someone pulling my dick last night".
the bloke that slept on the right said, "yeah, i felt that too last night".
The bloke that slept in the middle said "i dreampt that i went skiing".
:lol:
Originally posted by Benjie
Knock Knock.
Who is there?
Martin J
Martin J who?
Martin J Smith.
HAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-|
Originally posted by Benjie
Docter
http://dirtynuke.net/12345.JPG
DOCTAR KEVORKIAN!
Originally posted by Marx
DOCTAR KEVORKIAN!
no stoopid it's docter Nick Rivierra. :p
http://www.the-simpsons.hpg.ig.com.br/figuras/dr.nick.gif
Hi, everybody!
lol
btw, how did u inclose that pic in the thread?
Lucid Dream
17-02-04, 02:23
One day a man named Jimmy went on a business trip to Ireland. When he got there, he had to take a bus to the hotel he was staying at, and on his way to the hotel, he saw an amazing sculpture, and he leaned over to the guy next to him, and asked the man "Wow, what an amazing sculpture, any idea who made it?" and the man responded with "Ah, yes, O'Malley made that sculpture"
The man leaned back in his chair, and fell asleep, he woke up a bit later, just as the bus was driving over an amazingly constructed bridge, and the man again asked the man next to him if he knew who built the bridge, and the man responded with "Ah, yes, O'Malley built that bridge"
Finally, the bus came to its destination at the most amazing hotel Jimmy had ever seen, it looked like it was originally a castle it was so amazing, and Jimmy leaned over once again and asked the man he was sitting next to if he knew who built that amazing hotel, and the man responded "Ah, yes, O'Malley built that hotel"
Jimmy was flabbergasted, he couldnt imagine a single man could make such wonderful things, and he decided he had to meet this O'Malley fellow.
Jimmy got off of the bus, and went into the hotel, and checked in at the front desk, and then decided to go to the hotel bar. In the bar, Jimmy sat next to this nice looking old guy, and Jimmy asked him if he knew O'Malley, and the nice old man responded "Ah, yes, i am O'Malley"
Jimmy was amazed! he had to know if it was the right O'Malley, so he asked "O'Malley that made that amazing sculpture?" and O'Malley responded "Aye, the same, i spent 2 months on that sculpture.. but do they call me O'Malley then scuptor? NO"
Then, Jimmy asked, "the O'Malley that built that amazing bridge?" and O'Malley responded "Aye, i spent 5 years on that bridge.. but do they call me O'Malley the bridge builder? NO!"
Jimmy finally asked, "The O'Malley that built this very hotel?" and O'Malley responded "Aye, i spent 20 YEARS on this hotel, but do they call me O'Malley the Hotel builder? NO!..... BUT YOU FUCK JUST ONE GOAT!..."
Lucid Dream
17-02-04, 02:30
One day, little Johnny was in class, and his teacher decided they were going to learn the alphabet, so the teacher said "Does anybody know a word that starts with 'A'? " and she saw a few children raise their hand, along with little Johnny, but the teacher knew little Johnny's reputation... he would say a word like "ass, asshole" etc, so the teacher called on little suzie, and little suzie said "Apple!" and the teacher said "Very good little suzie!" and the teacher continued along, and once again, johnny was raising his hand for the letter 'B' but the teacher knew better then that, Johnny would just say "Bitch, bastard" etc, on 'C' Johnny was almost jumping out of his seat, but the teacher wouldnt allow him to say "cock, cunt" etc, and of course didnt let him say a word on 'D' "Damn, Damnit, etc" and it went on like that all the way until the letter 'R' and Johnny was literally jumping out of his seat, so the teacher figured, OK theres no bad word that johnny can say for the letter 'R' so she calls on little johnny, and little johnny says "Rat...." and then he spread his arms out as far as he could, and said "With a fucking cock THIIISSS big"
I think I should leave this thread, because;
When I was younger I owned... http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/kids/images/jokes.gif <--- that book. :p
Originally posted by Lucid Dream
One day, little Johnny was in class, and his teacher decided they were going to learn the alphabet, so the teacher said "Does anybody know a word that starts with 'A'? " and she saw a few children raise their hand, along with little Johnny, but the teacher knew little Johnny's reputation... he would say a word like "ass, asshole" etc, so the teacher called on little suzie, and little suzie said "Apple!" and the teacher said "Very good little suzie!" and the teacher continued along, and once again, johnny was raising his hand for the letter 'B' but the teacher knew better then that, Johnny would just say "Bitch, bastard" etc, on 'C' Johnny was almost jumping out of his seat, but the teacher wouldnt allow him to say "cock, cunt" etc, and of course didnt let him say a word on 'D' "Damn, Damnit, etc" and it went on like that all the way until the letter 'R' and Johnny was literally jumping out of his seat, so the teacher figured, OK theres no bad word that johnny can say for the letter 'R' so she calls on little johnny, and little johnny says "Rat...." and then he spread his arms out as far as he could, and said "With a fucking cock THIIISSS big"
I might be tired but i'm laughing my ass off at this one :lol:
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