ElfinLord
26-01-04, 14:29
I got this from some other forum:
Enjoy!!! :lol:
Some of these are old but some are just too classic.......
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
could crawl into a hole? Here are a few stories of people who did and
do....
1) How much for. . .
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't
say a word... he knew better.
Melinda Seguin, TX
2) I think I like...
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several
minutes I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking I looked
at him and said "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen, Ferndale, MI 3) Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case the boy behind
the counter
asked if we needed any help. I replied "No, I'm just looking at your
nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned and I
turned beet-red and walked away. To this day my sister has never let me
forget.
Faye, Ellerslie, MD
4) I saw Mommy kissing...
While in line at the bank one afternoon my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening "If you don't let me go right now I will tell Grandma that I
saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after
this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with m y daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind
me were screams of laughter.
Amy, Stafford, Virginia
5) What kind do you want?
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
up to the checker she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
boomed out for all the store to hear "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX
SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a
business-like tone a voice boomed back over the intercom "DO YOU WANT
THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
6) For the last time...
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on
him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy with a full dining room. While
enjoying
my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter and she was clean... Then I realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while so I asked him if he needed to go
and he said "No." I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident
and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said "Danny, are you SURE
you didn't have an accident?" "No" he replied. I just KNEW that he must
have
had an accident because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo I asked one
more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up,
yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE
MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
tacos laughing he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple
made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
7) About last night...
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not
only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were
laughing so hard
I have not laughed so hard in the longest time. :D
Enjoy!!! :lol:
Some of these are old but some are just too classic.......
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
could crawl into a hole? Here are a few stories of people who did and
do....
1) How much for. . .
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't
say a word... he knew better.
Melinda Seguin, TX
2) I think I like...
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several
minutes I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking I looked
at him and said "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen, Ferndale, MI 3) Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case the boy behind
the counter
asked if we needed any help. I replied "No, I'm just looking at your
nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned and I
turned beet-red and walked away. To this day my sister has never let me
forget.
Faye, Ellerslie, MD
4) I saw Mommy kissing...
While in line at the bank one afternoon my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening "If you don't let me go right now I will tell Grandma that I
saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after
this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with m y daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind
me were screams of laughter.
Amy, Stafford, Virginia
5) What kind do you want?
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
up to the checker she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
boomed out for all the store to hear "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX
SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a
business-like tone a voice boomed back over the intercom "DO YOU WANT
THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
6) For the last time...
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on
him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy with a full dining room. While
enjoying
my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter and she was clean... Then I realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while so I asked him if he needed to go
and he said "No." I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident
and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said "Danny, are you SURE
you didn't have an accident?" "No" he replied. I just KNEW that he must
have
had an accident because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo I asked one
more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up,
yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE
MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
tacos laughing he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple
made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
7) About last night...
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not
only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were
laughing so hard
I have not laughed so hard in the longest time. :D