Mirco
13-01-04, 00:42
Here is a little text I wrote for my school paper a few years back. Hope you find it interesting enough to finish. I got the idea to do this while I read the Sigh teenage relationship post, but felt it deserved a little more attention for it self.
This is a transelation. I appologize for any bad english present and I also want to say that the transelation was a work of haste.
Enjoy.
WOMEN!!!!
Us guys get reminded time and time again about our flaws and shortcommings in different newspapers and magazines. So called "character flaws". Guys are primitive and simple. We are hopeless and unsensitive. Guys look at other women, even when we are together with our better half. A guy can sleep with a woman who is worthless in every other respect as long as she is really pretty. To be honest she doesnt have to be pretty even. We`d bone her anyways. Guys have childish interests. Guys like war movies, jackass, computers, sport, cars, women, guns, farting and drinking. These are the things that occupy or minds and which we talk about when we get together. These are our so called "flaws". I`m not going to try to debate that this is not true. Guys have these flaws. Period.
The question one need to ask himself is this. Why is these interests and abilities defined as "flaws"? Who is responsible for this definition? Jepp you got it right. Its the women. The one half of the worlds population who, in their own streak of geniality has come to the conclussion that us, the guys, are on a lower development level than themselves. Us guys of course take these insults with a strong, straight backbone. We`ve heared it all before. There is not anymore dirt to be uncovered.
Its now time to pay back the favour. Because, women you see, has got a long list of flaws and shortcommings they arent aware of, doesnt want to recognize or that they try to hide. The flaws are about to be uncovered. Where its relevant I will compare the women with the guys. The goal of this text is naturally not to pull us guys out of the mud, but to drag the women down here, where they rightfully belong. I will also show that women in general is cheaper and more boring than the guys. Think about it for a second. How long has it been since you witnessed a women doing or saying something really, really hilarious? How long has it been since you witnessed a guy doing or saying something really, really hilarious? Thats what I thought. Women arent very hilarious. Charming and enjoyable they are indeed. Funny even, but never hilarious.
Lets start with something as trivial as a vorspiel(not speaking about sex here. Vorspiel is what we norwegians call the hours when we stay at home to drink before we go out. We got expensive alchohol.) When the guys have vorspiel or a party: The guys is in a good mood. The guys have good stories to tell and the guys are funny. We speak about interesting subjects (the one listed above). Alchohol and whatnot is shared without much thought about who got what and where. Communication is done in a normal tone of voice. Good music is played. Talk about relationships and girlfriends is done in a superficial way and is done with rather quickly. Ex-girlfriends are not mentioned. The guys are going to have a good time.
When the women has their vorspiel: Conversation rotates about relationships and life together with this and that boyfriend. Different to the guys, these talks seeks unnecessary depth and detail. For eksample: He said that...and then I said....and then he did and soforth and soforth. Its common knowledge that this behaviour leads to whining, sulking and a lousy atmosphere. Stocks of alchol and nicotine is carefully watched and balance of accounts is solved the day after. Alliances is made and split. Unfriendlyness rules. High frequency, subsonic wails which scare the living shits of any cockroaches and other small life is heared with increased frequency. Crap is poored out of the speakers.
Its during the vorspiel one of the most serious flaws of women emerges. This is the lack of sence for when and what to keep your mouth shut about. If guys had know what is shared between sisters when would go sleepless many days before and after the vorspiel. If you are in a relationship with one of the sisters attending you are fairly safe. Though you never know. If you are an ex-boyfriend of one the sisters attending you are pretty much fair game. Or even worse. Your current girlfriend meets your ex. In that case everything is shared. Commen ground, sisterly bonding and all that.No matter what the guy have said in complete confidence, your performance in bed, the size of your penis, your funny birtmark, endurance and so on will be sisterly shared. The guys get dissected, put on a glass of spirits and hung out to laughter and taunts for all to have a good time with. The guys accepts it when they brag about you, but that rarely ever happens. When you later on meet one of your girlfriends women friends and she smiles a bit extra to you. Its no point in getting conceited. She has gotten to know something about you my friend. Something she never should have known. The right reaction should be wild rage. Positive or negative. Some things is not to be shared and this something the women has failed to understand. The score. 1-0 to the guys.
Its time to introduce you to the concept of "backup and overlaping". Women as we all know, fear single life as the plague. This is the reason that no woman with respect for herself goes around without having one or more of the guys in backup when they are in a relationship. Not to ruin your excitement, but the observant reader will understand that the score soon will be 2-0 to the guys.
The backup person can be a colleague from work or something like that. The women lure the guys closer, flirt a little and enjoys their newfound attention. Entirely innocent of course. NOT! The motives for getting backup is darker and more disturbing than what a little flirting would suggest.
When the backup is secured we move forward to the next step which is the overlap. The realtionship is ailing and the backupcard is brought into play. Now the woman will put her head on the chopping block more or less of her own consciousness. The backupguy does not have to do any big push toward the women. He can just sit and listen and deliver some very strategic advice and show that he cares and is a nice guy. He is totally puzzled why anyone could give such a pretty, nockout girl so little attention and caring. The woman has of course decorated or left out some of the truth to make themselves look better. They always do.
When the relationship goes down the toilet and salvageoperation is useless. Your woman has jumped over to a new ship without getting her feet wet. A brakeup is not very cool. Finding out your woman has a new boyfriend right after is unbearable. Guys keep themselves to good for "backup and overlap) and as you all guess the score is: 2-0 to the guys.
If it is a result of heridity or environment the scholars still debate, but women has an extremely complicated interface. This is something all women love about themself. By principle they are hard to deal with. Let me illustrate this for you by comparing guys and women with a tv and the remotecontrol.
The guys: Channel layout is nice and tidy, You press one button or function and you get what you want. We have channel up and down. More sound, less sound and if you want some adult entertainment that specialbutton always work.
The women: Channel layout is untidy and change by the minute. The button you had espn on earlier does not nececairly give you espn the next time you press it. You can get south-american soaps for example. This of course leads to alot of pulled out hair and frustration. Furthermore there are a lot of channels you cant reach without alot of thinking and well placed button combinations. Some channels demands a long, overly complicated sequence of other channels before you get your intended channel. When the channel layout is constantly changing you dont have to be Einstein to see that getting some adult entertainment on your telly is going to be very hard. As if this system wasn`t hard enough to figure out, some wrong combinations and your tv blows up without no apparent reason. What about the specialbutton you might ask. The woman remote hasnt got one.
With the above fresh in mind, what tv set would you most like to have anything to do with?
I once read a statistic that it was settled that guys cheat more than women. Some of you women readers probably predict that I will deliver a poor defensive speach about how guys are geneticly conditioned to these things. I wont dissapoint you. You cant oppress thousands of years old instincts about keeping your bloodline going with modern ideas about monogamy. The guys should have the possibility to claim unconsciousness in the heat of the moment and get away with that.
But. Is it really so that guys cheat more than women. I think not. Its all in how you define cheating. Because guys, women is emotionally cheating as well as physically. Because of this, I seriously doubt the above mentioned statistics validity. Emotional cheating is closely connected to the term "backup and overlap". What happens, is that the woman falls in love with another guy. It consists of flirting and courting in ways that certainly brakes rules of varying importance. Its damned hard to arrest the women in this because its easier to keep descrete and leaves no clues out in the open. Its still cheating. If you add the numbers of physical and emotionall cheating I`m convinced the women is beating the guys down in their boots. I`m tempted to give the guys another point here, but as I have no scientific or documented proof of my statement I choose to show a little goodwill I choose not to do so. The score is still: 2-0 to the guys.
Guys like to see stripping and porn. Most girls I`ve spoken to say they dont. The say its to "porn" and that it is more delicate to see a women strip and no, porn is not for me. This of course is complete nonsense.Our Eyes is the mirror of our soul. Once I attended a strip event at a disco once where both women and men stripped. Almost all of the girls watching got wet eyes and to say they didn`t like it would be to lie. Luckily some women have the balls to admit they like both porn and stripping, but they are far in between. Here I have another example of why women are less fun than guys. Let me digress.
A group of women is having a vorspiel or a party where someone has hired a male stripper. Some of the ladies blush and are embarassed and someone shout. Everyone loves it. After a while the women in the group who like to think of our self as wild and impulsive, loose her grip. She jumps forward and bury her head in the stripper groin and grope his buttocks. Wailing erupts. When she pulls back to the safety of the group no pat on the back or high fives are given. Only a giggling: "You are crazy girl". Man thats boring.
Conclusion: Guys are more honest to themselves and their desires. The score: 3-0 to the guys.
The guys gets turned on by visual stimulation. This we get alot of flames for because its SO primitive. Women however gets turned on by money, power and status. The reason for this goes way back when women had neither the wits or the ability to care for themselves. A strong mate with alot of wealth and status would be very important to insure a safe future. In todays society any women has been given the ability to take care of herself and it is therefor not wrong to say that such practice is very, very primitive.
Take for example a guy who has been on television(often someone who has been on a realityshow). This is one of the major secrets to get women, because. When a women see someone who has been on tv they loose all their ability to think rationally. He could behave like an ass on tv and in real life. It doesnt matter. HE HAS BEEN ON TV.
How will this affect the final score. Will the women be able to decorate their abysmal score? NO. And here is the reason. Getting laid with a fine sexy woman is cool. The guys are honest about it. No reason to smooth things over. We are what we are. Getting laid because a guy has alot of power, money or status and then claim its all because of love is false and borders to prostitution. The final score is: 4-0 to the guys. We cleaned the tables. 4-0. The result cant be disputed. The guys are the best.
A few words to end this. Women, us guys have received upbringing from the first time girlfriend we have. We have to be romantic, caring, soft and hard and though at the same time. All over the world men fight the battle to be all these things 24/7 and we succede pretty well all things considered. Atleast we make an effort. How about paying something back? So get with the program pull out your lingerie and throw it out in the dumpster. Get something alot more slutty, some high heels and let us boys have our fun. We are all crawling in the same mud. No need to be stuck up.
This is a transelation. I appologize for any bad english present and I also want to say that the transelation was a work of haste.
Enjoy.
WOMEN!!!!
Us guys get reminded time and time again about our flaws and shortcommings in different newspapers and magazines. So called "character flaws". Guys are primitive and simple. We are hopeless and unsensitive. Guys look at other women, even when we are together with our better half. A guy can sleep with a woman who is worthless in every other respect as long as she is really pretty. To be honest she doesnt have to be pretty even. We`d bone her anyways. Guys have childish interests. Guys like war movies, jackass, computers, sport, cars, women, guns, farting and drinking. These are the things that occupy or minds and which we talk about when we get together. These are our so called "flaws". I`m not going to try to debate that this is not true. Guys have these flaws. Period.
The question one need to ask himself is this. Why is these interests and abilities defined as "flaws"? Who is responsible for this definition? Jepp you got it right. Its the women. The one half of the worlds population who, in their own streak of geniality has come to the conclussion that us, the guys, are on a lower development level than themselves. Us guys of course take these insults with a strong, straight backbone. We`ve heared it all before. There is not anymore dirt to be uncovered.
Its now time to pay back the favour. Because, women you see, has got a long list of flaws and shortcommings they arent aware of, doesnt want to recognize or that they try to hide. The flaws are about to be uncovered. Where its relevant I will compare the women with the guys. The goal of this text is naturally not to pull us guys out of the mud, but to drag the women down here, where they rightfully belong. I will also show that women in general is cheaper and more boring than the guys. Think about it for a second. How long has it been since you witnessed a women doing or saying something really, really hilarious? How long has it been since you witnessed a guy doing or saying something really, really hilarious? Thats what I thought. Women arent very hilarious. Charming and enjoyable they are indeed. Funny even, but never hilarious.
Lets start with something as trivial as a vorspiel(not speaking about sex here. Vorspiel is what we norwegians call the hours when we stay at home to drink before we go out. We got expensive alchohol.) When the guys have vorspiel or a party: The guys is in a good mood. The guys have good stories to tell and the guys are funny. We speak about interesting subjects (the one listed above). Alchohol and whatnot is shared without much thought about who got what and where. Communication is done in a normal tone of voice. Good music is played. Talk about relationships and girlfriends is done in a superficial way and is done with rather quickly. Ex-girlfriends are not mentioned. The guys are going to have a good time.
When the women has their vorspiel: Conversation rotates about relationships and life together with this and that boyfriend. Different to the guys, these talks seeks unnecessary depth and detail. For eksample: He said that...and then I said....and then he did and soforth and soforth. Its common knowledge that this behaviour leads to whining, sulking and a lousy atmosphere. Stocks of alchol and nicotine is carefully watched and balance of accounts is solved the day after. Alliances is made and split. Unfriendlyness rules. High frequency, subsonic wails which scare the living shits of any cockroaches and other small life is heared with increased frequency. Crap is poored out of the speakers.
Its during the vorspiel one of the most serious flaws of women emerges. This is the lack of sence for when and what to keep your mouth shut about. If guys had know what is shared between sisters when would go sleepless many days before and after the vorspiel. If you are in a relationship with one of the sisters attending you are fairly safe. Though you never know. If you are an ex-boyfriend of one the sisters attending you are pretty much fair game. Or even worse. Your current girlfriend meets your ex. In that case everything is shared. Commen ground, sisterly bonding and all that.No matter what the guy have said in complete confidence, your performance in bed, the size of your penis, your funny birtmark, endurance and so on will be sisterly shared. The guys get dissected, put on a glass of spirits and hung out to laughter and taunts for all to have a good time with. The guys accepts it when they brag about you, but that rarely ever happens. When you later on meet one of your girlfriends women friends and she smiles a bit extra to you. Its no point in getting conceited. She has gotten to know something about you my friend. Something she never should have known. The right reaction should be wild rage. Positive or negative. Some things is not to be shared and this something the women has failed to understand. The score. 1-0 to the guys.
Its time to introduce you to the concept of "backup and overlaping". Women as we all know, fear single life as the plague. This is the reason that no woman with respect for herself goes around without having one or more of the guys in backup when they are in a relationship. Not to ruin your excitement, but the observant reader will understand that the score soon will be 2-0 to the guys.
The backup person can be a colleague from work or something like that. The women lure the guys closer, flirt a little and enjoys their newfound attention. Entirely innocent of course. NOT! The motives for getting backup is darker and more disturbing than what a little flirting would suggest.
When the backup is secured we move forward to the next step which is the overlap. The realtionship is ailing and the backupcard is brought into play. Now the woman will put her head on the chopping block more or less of her own consciousness. The backupguy does not have to do any big push toward the women. He can just sit and listen and deliver some very strategic advice and show that he cares and is a nice guy. He is totally puzzled why anyone could give such a pretty, nockout girl so little attention and caring. The woman has of course decorated or left out some of the truth to make themselves look better. They always do.
When the relationship goes down the toilet and salvageoperation is useless. Your woman has jumped over to a new ship without getting her feet wet. A brakeup is not very cool. Finding out your woman has a new boyfriend right after is unbearable. Guys keep themselves to good for "backup and overlap) and as you all guess the score is: 2-0 to the guys.
If it is a result of heridity or environment the scholars still debate, but women has an extremely complicated interface. This is something all women love about themself. By principle they are hard to deal with. Let me illustrate this for you by comparing guys and women with a tv and the remotecontrol.
The guys: Channel layout is nice and tidy, You press one button or function and you get what you want. We have channel up and down. More sound, less sound and if you want some adult entertainment that specialbutton always work.
The women: Channel layout is untidy and change by the minute. The button you had espn on earlier does not nececairly give you espn the next time you press it. You can get south-american soaps for example. This of course leads to alot of pulled out hair and frustration. Furthermore there are a lot of channels you cant reach without alot of thinking and well placed button combinations. Some channels demands a long, overly complicated sequence of other channels before you get your intended channel. When the channel layout is constantly changing you dont have to be Einstein to see that getting some adult entertainment on your telly is going to be very hard. As if this system wasn`t hard enough to figure out, some wrong combinations and your tv blows up without no apparent reason. What about the specialbutton you might ask. The woman remote hasnt got one.
With the above fresh in mind, what tv set would you most like to have anything to do with?
I once read a statistic that it was settled that guys cheat more than women. Some of you women readers probably predict that I will deliver a poor defensive speach about how guys are geneticly conditioned to these things. I wont dissapoint you. You cant oppress thousands of years old instincts about keeping your bloodline going with modern ideas about monogamy. The guys should have the possibility to claim unconsciousness in the heat of the moment and get away with that.
But. Is it really so that guys cheat more than women. I think not. Its all in how you define cheating. Because guys, women is emotionally cheating as well as physically. Because of this, I seriously doubt the above mentioned statistics validity. Emotional cheating is closely connected to the term "backup and overlap". What happens, is that the woman falls in love with another guy. It consists of flirting and courting in ways that certainly brakes rules of varying importance. Its damned hard to arrest the women in this because its easier to keep descrete and leaves no clues out in the open. Its still cheating. If you add the numbers of physical and emotionall cheating I`m convinced the women is beating the guys down in their boots. I`m tempted to give the guys another point here, but as I have no scientific or documented proof of my statement I choose to show a little goodwill I choose not to do so. The score is still: 2-0 to the guys.
Guys like to see stripping and porn. Most girls I`ve spoken to say they dont. The say its to "porn" and that it is more delicate to see a women strip and no, porn is not for me. This of course is complete nonsense.Our Eyes is the mirror of our soul. Once I attended a strip event at a disco once where both women and men stripped. Almost all of the girls watching got wet eyes and to say they didn`t like it would be to lie. Luckily some women have the balls to admit they like both porn and stripping, but they are far in between. Here I have another example of why women are less fun than guys. Let me digress.
A group of women is having a vorspiel or a party where someone has hired a male stripper. Some of the ladies blush and are embarassed and someone shout. Everyone loves it. After a while the women in the group who like to think of our self as wild and impulsive, loose her grip. She jumps forward and bury her head in the stripper groin and grope his buttocks. Wailing erupts. When she pulls back to the safety of the group no pat on the back or high fives are given. Only a giggling: "You are crazy girl". Man thats boring.
Conclusion: Guys are more honest to themselves and their desires. The score: 3-0 to the guys.
The guys gets turned on by visual stimulation. This we get alot of flames for because its SO primitive. Women however gets turned on by money, power and status. The reason for this goes way back when women had neither the wits or the ability to care for themselves. A strong mate with alot of wealth and status would be very important to insure a safe future. In todays society any women has been given the ability to take care of herself and it is therefor not wrong to say that such practice is very, very primitive.
Take for example a guy who has been on television(often someone who has been on a realityshow). This is one of the major secrets to get women, because. When a women see someone who has been on tv they loose all their ability to think rationally. He could behave like an ass on tv and in real life. It doesnt matter. HE HAS BEEN ON TV.
How will this affect the final score. Will the women be able to decorate their abysmal score? NO. And here is the reason. Getting laid with a fine sexy woman is cool. The guys are honest about it. No reason to smooth things over. We are what we are. Getting laid because a guy has alot of power, money or status and then claim its all because of love is false and borders to prostitution. The final score is: 4-0 to the guys. We cleaned the tables. 4-0. The result cant be disputed. The guys are the best.
A few words to end this. Women, us guys have received upbringing from the first time girlfriend we have. We have to be romantic, caring, soft and hard and though at the same time. All over the world men fight the battle to be all these things 24/7 and we succede pretty well all things considered. Atleast we make an effort. How about paying something back? So get with the program pull out your lingerie and throw it out in the dumpster. Get something alot more slutty, some high heels and let us boys have our fun. We are all crawling in the same mud. No need to be stuck up.