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NERD Editor
15-03-03, 04:40
Opening Statement:

Greetings one and all. This is the NERD editor here, with a fanfic that will hopefully give some of you some entertainment. The Issues here were originally written some time ago as a fanfic for a few people in Neocron, but as I tend to parodise them just as much as the enemies (and yes, System Shock has earned the right to be that enemy) in the story, I thought I'd try my luck here.

If anyone feels like they would like to be parodised in the story in the future, feel free to contact me. If anyone feels I've severely caused their reputation harm then they can also ask me to stop. The story relates to characters and clans on Pluto server.

With that said, here goes....

NERD Issue # 001


"This sux. We're constantly getting attacked by these assholes in System Shock. Why can't they just leave Tech Haven alone." said Mako Tanaka. The well known member of The Parish had long looked for peaceful times in Tech Haven, but alas, none could be found. Whenever she sat down with fellow Parish members for a cup of synthesized Earl Grey tea and a morning meditation session, it would be interrupted by the sound of a Parish member exploding into small fragged bits as System Shock came calling.

"Hey there bitches. You walked near our Ops today, time to die..." would be the comments from System Shock members (loosely translated from the German one usually heard). The Parish would stand no match against yet another quick strike attack in the supposedly protected halls of Tech Haven. Of course, The Parish would be just one of a growing number of clans to feel the sting of System Shock's early morning assaults. A few Blue Tech members, quietly building and researching, or delivering a package across a table for a hefty fee would be set upon by 4 overly armed GenTanks with death in their eye, murder in their hearts and a little indigestion in their guts, causing the fire up their ass.

The senseless slaughter would carry on for far too long, with System Shock seemingly thinking that this actually accomplished something. Eventually, brave souls from La Cosa Nostra, who were just visiting friends in Tech Haven would lay down fire and 'encourage' System Shock to go away. Beaten and bloody, Blue Tech and Parish members alike would throw sticks or whatever they could in order to repell the seemingly invincible force.

"You ok?" Thanatos of La Cosa Nostra would ask.
"We'll live.... now." would be the reply.

Disheartened, dejected, and running low on Milky Rens, a stoic leader would feel the pain of his troops and despair... then he'd light up a spliff and feel better.

"Ahhh, good stuff." Said ReefSmoker. Nearby, Master Yoda would start coughing convulsively.
"So, had any thoughts, Reef?" Byron asked.
"Yeah, I think Crono stole my Milky Ren's."
"Oh right, well lets see..... who are they again?"
Some 2 hours of painful war stories later, Commander Byron would remind ReefSmoker of the full story of System Shocks terrorism of Blue Tech.
"Ah yes, them. Nope, can't think of a thing to do." Byron crashes through a nearby table, anime style.

A blast of the siren would then indicate visitors from New Earth Order had arrived.
"Deo, Jonavan, welcome, come on in. I'd offer you a Milky Ren, but Crono seems to have stolen them all." Reef said.
"I DID NOT" Came a yell over the clan intercom. Reef promptly turned it off and hid the empty Milky Ren wrappers.
"We didn't come for candy. The war grows worse. The powers of System Shock grow strong."
"Yeeesss," a croaky, green little puppet in the corner starts speaking, "grown strong in the powers of the darkside, they have. Much fear I sense in you, much fear...."
"Does he ever stop doing Yoda impressions?" Deo asked.
"Not often." Byron shook his head.
"Quote Yoda, we must...." Master Yoda continued to prattle on to himself.
"Anyway...." Jonavan ignored Yoda.
"I've got it!!!" Ithaqua ran in with a bold new idea.
"What is it Ithy?"
"We should shoot back." Gasps all round were heard.
"Such an ingenius plan. How did you come up with it?" Diesel asked from near the cabinets.
"Divine inspiration?" Deo asked.
"A moment of clarity?" Yoda asked.
"No," Ithy responded, "I read the manual" (More falling over anime-style), "see, it say's here. Runners can shoot at each other and engage in Player vs Player killing."
"Woah, my mind has been opened." Prissy exclaimed.
"So it is true then, Reading the F'ing manual actually works."

With this bold new strategy in mind, the runners of NEO, Blue Tech, La Cosa Nostra, The Parish and Insidious Wolf, got together to devise a plan. After Sid was ejected from the meeting they came up with a plan.

The next day, all four clans were dissolved and a new clan was formed joining all of them together.

Gully Foyle walked through Tech Haven, only to be stopped by DX-Defender of Technocracy.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm an ASS." Gully responded.
"A what?"
"An ASS. See? Clan ASS: Against System Shock."
"oh....." DX-Defender walks away very quickly.
"Wonder whats wrong with him."

"That's right people," Reef had begun the first meeting of all ASS personel, "We are ASS and we will work towards our ASSES (Annihilation of System Shock's Eastgate & Soliko, duh).
Cheers from those present are heard.

In the coming weeks, ASS sits on System Shock with force. Operation Total ASSES (see above) goes off with great success.

But then, the worst happens... System Shock merges with Malevolent Crackheads and Unnamed Killers. Where once there were 3 clans of idiots, now there is one mighty clan. SODOM. Though the anagram is in German, roughly translated, analysts in ASS have determined it means Stupid Oafs Dedicated to Organised Malevolence. The true title may be a little lost in the translation.

SODOM attempts to penetrate ASS on many fronts, but thanks to strong protection, ASS maintains its integrity.

How will this war turn out? Only time will tell. Tune in next week for the next exciting instalment of NERD (Neocron Edition of Readers Digest, don't you know anything?).

NERD Editor
15-03-03, 05:28
Thanks for the responses guys. Currently there are 11 issues of NERD already written and a few more on the way. I'll post the next one in a little while.

NERD Editor
15-03-03, 05:41
Err... yes and no. Its loosely based on events I've witnessed, but then parodised for comedic effect.

For example, System Shock did (and still does) fairly regularly attack Tech Haven and slag Blue Tech members. NEO and Blue Tech did merge.

However the clan names are completely made up, and as the story goes on you'll find I'm simply having fun at certain peoples expense.

NERD Editor
15-03-03, 05:55
NERD Issue # 002.

When NUBI's Attack

"We will gets them, Yes we wills. Theys gonna suffer for throwings me outs of their meetingss. I are so Ub35 l33t. I Pwnz Uz allz. I iz unstoppablz withs my uber haxx. They's can'ts stops me, yes precious. Theys can'tz stopz the Sid. No's, theyz can'ts." This and more l33t speak could be heard coming from down a longdrop in H 12 where Insidious Wolf had tripped over his own ego and tumbled into. While he waited for the reset position magic to work, he gloated to himself on his devious thoughts. When ASS had been formed, Insidious Wolf, otherwise referred to as 'Sid', was there at the meeting, but was promtly thrown out. Sid stood for all that was not ASS. Sid could never have what an ASS had. He was ASSless. And it burned him to know that. He wanted revenge. And he was going to get it...

As had been seen on so many mornings, as the sun rose over the canyon cliffs and first morning light streamed onto the plateau that was Soliko lab, little body gibblets glistened in the new days light. The war for Soliko had started some time after last nights dinner and had raged throughout the night. SODOM was on top, but ASS was coming in hard from the rear. ASS had broken past the ladder-well and now the fight was all up on the plateau, with the exception of the two guys who just started and were dueling with stiletto's at the generep below.
"You'll never take us alive ASS svine." Shadow yelled out at his attackers.
"We don't want you alive. We want you DEAD fool, thats the whole point." Doc Holiday sent back, along with some fusion ammo directed at Shadow's head.
"Why you littl...." Shadow never finished that sentence. From a distance away, Master Yoda had got on his Hovertec cycle. He'd revved up and launched at the cliffs at full speed. In a spectacular stunt that would have made Pierce Brosnan's stunt double cringe, he rocketed up the vertical cliff face and came sailing over the outpost itself. Many stopped shooting to behold the amazing feat.
"Mon Dieu!!!" exclaimed Mordor of SODOM.
"You're German not French!" Atomium yelled back, "and your accent sux."
Yoda was overjoyed. "Yes, after weeks of planning it worked!! I have the element of suprise. I'm gonna.... doh." And with that he sailed completely over the outpost and plummeted over the other side to his embarrasing death.
"Hahaha, Don't you know an ASS can't fly." Amok yelled back.
"Says who?" yelled Ithaqua as his APC came flying up the cliff and crashlanded right on top of Amok. 6 airsick ASS members piled out and joined the fight. The suprise ambush, not to mention Amok being reduced to waffles, saw the decisive victory of ASS at Soliko.
"Hoorah, we've done it!!!" Mako Tanaka cheered.
"Wait," Yoda having picked his parts off the rocks and pulled himself together again came up to them, "I sense a disturbance in the ...."
"SHUT UP." Everyone yelled.
"Okay, fine so I feel uneasy. Which sounds better?"
"THE ONE WHERE I IS UBER AND KILLZ UZ ALL." Came an unfamiliar yell.
"No it doesn't, that sounds like crap..." Yoda got shot in the head then.
"DON'TS YOUZ MOCKS MY UBER LEETS SPEEKZ BIATCH." Ying, otherwise known as Insidious Wolf, the impetuous 14 year old yelled at them.
"What does he want?" ReefSmoker asked.
"I don't know but he brought friend." NoHope responded.
As ASS bent over the edge to see, they saw a disturbing sight. Insidious Wolf had formed a new clan, surrounding himself with some of the worst scum to ever walk the Wastelands of Neocron.

They were.... NUBI's.

Neocron's Ultimate Band of Idiots (NUBI's for short) assaulted the stairwell. Short on ammo, ASS sucked it up and dropped anything they could down the shaft to stop NUBI's. The NUBI's looked like they were going to break through when the impetuous SODOM returned, looking to get back up that shaft to ASS and Soliko.

"I IS UBER. UZ DONT'S MESS WIF ME'S. NoZ UZ Don't My Precious."
"What's a precious?" FreeJumper asked.
"I think he's talking to his Ego." Yoda, who had just respawned at the generep responded.
"ARGH A FROG. KILL IT." SODOM incinerated Yoda immediately.
"How's about you bow and SODOM will get you while you're bent over." All of ASS shuddered at that visual.

And with that, the war of 3 clans began. SODOM & NUBI fought in the canyon floor while ASS bombarded them from above. The fighting was furious, and carried on for many hours. At one point a strange individual walked right into the middle of the fighting.
"Can't We All Just Live In Peace??" Mandolin Procuror asked.
"Who is that?" McDanish asked.
"A figment of Keyser's imagination. Kill it."
And with that all 3 clans annihilated the extra known as Mandolin for having a stupid name.

The war looked to go on forever, until Insidious Wolf's Mommy pulled him away.
"Excuse me all, but Ruprect dear here has to get his zit treatment taken care of now. He can come and play with you all later." Sid's Mom sent that message.
Hysterical laughter burst out across the battlefield.
"ROFLMAO. Sid's real name is Ruprect?? HAHAHA."
Humiliated by their leaders gay name, the NUBI's ran away.
"Hah, I'm laughin so hard I can't fight any more. This isn't over ASS'es. Not by a long shot." Shadow led his troops away through the generep. Exhausted, ASS slumped to the ground.

The molocules that once were Yoda reformed at the generep and he stepped outside.
"I am getting real friggin sick and tired of dying tod...." the two new guys that had been fighting with stiletto's slipped and both stabbed Yoda in either pointy ear.
"Woops, soz Yoda."
Fire burned in Yoda's eye as he returned to the generep once again....

Tune in next week for Issue # 003 of NERD, where all your questions will be answered.
Will Yoda turn to the darkside?
How will Ithaqua get his APC down from Soliko?
Did Sid's parents hate him when they gave him that name?

Until next time.....

NERD Editor
15-03-03, 10:31
NERD Issue # 003

The Power of EGOS

"I IS GONNA ME55 UZ UPS SOZ GOODS. I ARE L33t, YEAH PRECIOUS...." Sid launched a volley of plasma fire down the corridor. The unsuspecting bystanders fled in terror, not just at the firepower, but at the fact that Sid was wearing the nasty pink shirt that all mass murderers seem to think is in style.

NUBI's had struck the centre of Tech Haven. Tech Haven was well known as the place where ASS came to rest. NUBI & SODOM saw this as the perfect target. The two genereps in Tech Haven sector two were working overtime as NUBI's and SODOM member's flowed in.

"We're Under Seige!!" Jonavan called out.
"Arm yourselves and repel the invaders." Crono yelled out. He joined the other Gentanks of ASS as they charged headlong from the clans headquarters towards the firefight.

"SODOMites, strike forward" Erazor yelled. SODOM troops advanced, laying down fire in all directions. Two shopvendors were killed in the volley and the goguardian was severey damaged. ASS troops defended the main stairwell from the balcony's, but holding SODOM and NUBI together was no easy task.
"They're breaking through, what are we gonna do?" Crackpot asked.
"As a former member of the Parish, I believe I should sing a hymn to calm their troubled souls." Mako Tanaka responded. With that, she began singing from her song book.
"AARGGHHHH. I IS L33t Precious, But thiz Iz PAINFULL. We Hates SINGING. I SAYS NO SINGING. YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORATAAAA." Sid pulled out his Fusion Cannon and pointed it at the balcony's. He could not get a clear shot.
Flyk, a new member of NUBI was rolling around on the ground.
"The singing, make the singing stop."
Amok of SODOM was having a far different response. Sobbing like a little girl he said,
"I feel at peace (sniff sob), I see the error of my ways (boo hoo). I want to turn over a new leaf." Amok sat on the floor to meditate, until a stray grenade landed in his lap. When he reassembled at the generep he was not so spiritual.
"How do you think I feel." Yoda respawned for the 15th time. "Why Me."
"Argh a Frog Kill IT."
"I'm not a fro...." He was dead again.

"I think we may have them on the ropes." Reef said to Xyloz Vincetti.
"I said I think we may have them on the ropes."
"Huh?" Xyloz removed his earplugs. "Sorry but I can't take much of this...sing...ing..." A strange look came over Xyl's face. He suddenly looked up at the roof wide eyed and opened his mouth. "FALL ON YOUR KNEES. OH HEAR THE ANGELS VOICES....."
"####, gimme those earplugs." Reef grabbed them before he sucame to Mako's soulcleanser attack.

Tired of the singing and its spiritual effect on his NUBI's, Sid decided to take a darker approach. From his backpack he pulled a small chip labelled 'AimBot' and inserted it into his fusion cannon. He then aimed at the roof and fired. Like a firefly the shot soared upwards, then stopped in midair and took a zigzag path right towards Mako's head, vapourising it instantly.
"Noooo, Mako." Thanatos cried out.
"For the love of all things small and purple, stop talking to yourself you IDIOT." Yoda yelled from the generep behind Sid. Sid fired another shot, which went forward then did a U-Turn and struck Yoda down for the 18th time.
"I Hate My Life....." Yoda uttered before returning to the generep.
"Ha," Shadow of SODOM shouted, "You have no secret weapon any more ASSes. Now SODOM is coming up."

In the white vastness of the great expanse. Beyond the cities, beyond the wastelands, beyond the Universe itself, in the white realm of nothingness, three beings of immesuarable power had bent their minds and their will towards a question that could make or break the very fabric of existence.
"So, Chinese tonight? Or Thai?" MoonUnit asked.
"I was thinking Pizza." Laemin responded.
"You always want Pizza Laemin, lets try Sushi." CheapLoveMotel suggested.
"Hmmn.... Sushi, and those serving girls at Veronique Club give you real good 'sushi', if you know what I mean." MoonUnit had a strange grin.
"No, what do you mean?" Laemin looked dumbfounded. Moon was about to hit him when Cheap cut him off.
"Behold my brethren, a runner hath used one of the forbidden technologies."
Gasping in virtual unison (virtual unison because Laemin gasped, but Moon was too distracted thinking about the Sushi girls to register the gasp until about 20 seconds later) Laemin and MoonUnit looked to Cheap for a name.
"Who would dare use one of the forbidden technologies?"
"....Did you have to ask?"

All of a sudden a beam of light appeared from the roof of Tech Haven. And the voices of a hallowed choir sang the 'Haleluhiah' Chorus as three mighty beings floated down from the ceiling. As the light cleared and the dust settled, everyone had to wait for the smoke to clear.
"Oh sorry," Reef put his latest spliff away.
"Peace be to you all." Laemin said, then looked around at the bullet holes and sighed. "Why do I even bother..."
"Who are they?" LLL of ASS asked.
"EGOS" McDanish responded.
"EGOS? You mean like Sid's Precious?" Diesel asked.
"No not an ego, EGOS. Electronic Ghosts Organising Stuff. They are beings of pure technology. They protect the world against the use of forbidden technologies and bring knowledge to the ingorant, and punishment to the evil."
"Wow, sounds cool. Can I be one?" Deo asked. Cheap, with his ultimate hearing, overheard and rolled his eyes. He then, in a split second, moved to right in front of Deo.
"What Do You Think, HUH? You think its easy to be this powerful? Do you think anyone can come in on a pillar of light or warp around the place like this? It takes years of training to ascend to the electronic plane of existence. Geez, think it through man. It's not like we have a sign in board, or a talent scout out there going, 'Hey, you look good, wanna be an EGOS?'" Deo decided not to speak any further.

"They're getting in our business. Open fire!!!" Erazor yelled. Laemin just blinked as shot after shot hit him and did nothing.
"Wow, wish I could do that." Yoda looked on enviously.

"I R UB35. I WILLZ KILLZ UZ." Sid leapt forward and started firing shot after shot that never missed at MoonUnit.
"Ah Sid, you never learn. What was it last time, you inserted the Speedz chip in your own brain and ran so fast you broke the sound barrier? Your crimes against the forbidden technologies have gone on long enough, Ruprect."
"NOOO. I R L337. PRECIOUS WILLZ STOPZ UZ. I WILLZ KILLZ EGOZZZ." The NUBI's could only look on at their leader as he ran out of ammo, yet kept clicking the trigger. He then reached behind himself for a small button.
"He's tryin to warp." Cheap noted the increase in displacement particles. Sid vanished from sight, and everyone gasped. Moon then clicked his fingers and Sid appeared right before him.
"Nice try jackass." With that he smashed the button.
The three EGOS formed a circle of sorts around Sid.
"For your crimes we shall send you to the abyss for one week. Go there and return a better Runner."
"NOOOOOZZZZZ......." Sid screamed as his mind was locked out of his body and his body entered the Generep for storage.
"Geez I get tired of listening to him. All that l337 speak makes me hungry." Cheap said.
"Our Leader is destroyed. We must flee." the NUBI's screamed.
"We can't, Sid always used his hax for cash to pay for the transport, we can't afford it." Flyk cried.
The three EGOS turned to look at the NUBIS with fire in their eyes. Each one transformed into a monstrous being. Cheap turned into the mechanical nightmare, the Warbot. Moon changed into the firebreathing DoomReaper. Laemin changed into sewer flies.....
"Hey, I'm more dangerous than I look, I can give you malaria like this."
"ARRGGHH.... RUN." The NUBI's tried to flee, but were destroyed by either SODOM, or ASS or EGOS.
"This battle has been tainted by Sid. We shall withdraw. SODOM, let us teleport out." Erazor yelled.
"We can't," FreeJumper said, "We saw that #### frog again..." "I'm NOT A FROG", someone yelled "and we kinda shot the generep to bits in the process."
"Doh.... RUN." SODOM attempted to flee, ASS bombarded them to death until finally the First Three-Way Battle of Tech Haven was ended.

"EGOS, thank you for your gracious intervention." Mako said, "please allow me to thank you with a hymn."
As all of ASS started backing towards the door, the three EGOS sat to listen to Mako. Mako began to sing and all of a sudden their eyes bugged out.
"EGOS.... RUN." the three started running for the doors.
"Why are we running?" Laemin asked.
"Oh yeah," Moon snapped his fingers and the three vanished.
"Well glad thats over." Reef said.
"Yes," Mako said, "now I shall finish my hymn."
"ASS..... RUN."

If any runner happened to pass into the Veronique Club at roughly that time, they would have found 2 beings slumped over their beers and sushi, while their comrade kept calling the serving mutant girls over with his click of the fingers.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
15-03-03, 20:15
NERD Issue # 004

If one were to never leave their luxury Via Rosso apartment, and only read Neocron's Edition of Readers Digest, they might think our very world was consumed only by the war between ASS, SODOM and NUBI, or the never-ending debate of what the EGOS will eat next. This is far from the truth. Thus we bring you...

A Day In The Life Of A CopBot

>>> Energy Cells Recharged <<<
>>> System Diagnostics Complete <<<
>>> Updating Standing Orders Protocols <<<
>>> Discharging Wastes <<<

"Uggh.... must talk to the Makers. They need to allow me to handle that last one manually. Every time i re-activate I mess up my recharger and have to get it cleaned." Unit L-73 thought. Stepping out of the puddle of metallic shavings and used lubricant it had just excreted all over the floor, Unit L-73 clanked itself towards the Organiser. Stepping forward, the Organiser grabbed Unit L-73 with a giant claw and lifted it into the conveyor system. The Organiser cleansed the outer layer of its organic parts, tightened the mechanical joints and slammed its copbot armour on around its previously exposed innards. Stepping off the conveyor, Unit L-73 moved to the armoury and picked up 'Josie'. Yes, the organic part of Unit L-73 felt the need to name its gun 'Josie'. The staff who maintain the copbots felt it better not to say anything (would you tell a copbot his gun's name sucked?).

Finally Unit L-73 stepped into the anteroom where the on-duty commander was.
"Geez not this dumbass again, where's Cpt. Stewart?" it thought.
"Good revival Unit." the dumbass spoke.
"Good Revival Commander." the synthescized voice blasted out.
"Hail Reeza, may he rule forever."
"Hail Reeza (that pussball fart), may he rule forever (from the bottom of the sewers, covered in Mutated Rat droppings)." L-73 responded.
"We had some 'incidents' last night, so you're being assigned to cover the storefront across the street from the Veronique Club. Do you confirm, Unit?" the Commanding idiot read off his duty roster. Unit L-73 did not move.
"Are you F'ing crazy you stupid piece of Rabid Dog crap? Veronique's a suicide mission you F'ing turd. They make you into ashtrays for the Mutant sluts to put their stam boosters out in down there. I'm not F'ing moving an F'ing inch. YOU GO WATCH THAT DEATHTRAP." L-73's mind screamed as his synthescized voice responded. "I confirm. I will guard the sector with my existence."
"Good, now hurry up, you've been 17 seconds too long in briefing." Had the commander noticed, he would have seen L-73's control inhibitor flashing red as the organic parts tried to pull the trigger on 'Josie'.

The Veronique Club was not such a bad place. The strippers were erotic, if you liked that sort of thing, the beer was good and the drugs were plentiful. It was a great place to go. What wasn't was the spot right across the street, where the on-duty copbot was stationed. The job was supposedly fairly simple (if you've never done it). You guard the sector and if someone should attack any of the hard working shop vendors, you protect them. The Club had its own security, so that wasn't your problem. However, this sector happened to be in Pepper Park. The mechanised arm of the law did not stretch so well here. Copbot patrols were thin out here, so it was expected that the average runner would not only be armed but would be running by with guns drawn, probably laying down fire too. And as you didn't have the back-up, you had to let them do it. Only if they chose to harm the wussy little bitches who tried to etch out a living in the stores around you were you to act. Now again, this wouldn't be a problem. A copbot does have superior armour and firepower after all. The problem came from the fact that at some point in 2752, a group of hard-core mercs called Phlebs had assaulted Pepper Park and tried to make it their own. And their first act of aggression had been to kill the Copbot in front of Veronique. This was achieved first by getting the security of the club to think the Copbot had attacked and then once they were fighting, blast the survivor with everything they had. And as only the sick twisted minds that take 11 Whiteflash's a day could think up; a bunch of runners made this into an almost regular sport. A test of strength, a trial of manhood of sorts. Thus more often than not, the Bot that went out to protect that zone came back as paper clips and refuse for the Bio-recyclers. And today was Unit L-73's 4th time. No bot had ever survived their 4th time.

"Move along." the voicebox shot out again.
"How many times have I said that this hour? That guy over there keeps eyeing up the brunette selling ammo over there. I totally lost track of how many times I've told that human pretzel to 'move along'. Can't they give me a better voice box, or at least something better to say. How am i to strike fear down to his fleshy balls with 'move along'. I sound like a guy growling down a steel pipe." L-73 often let his thoughts ramble on. It was about the only way a copbot could stay sane. The Black projects department of CityAdmin would find dying runners, one's that could not achieve a lock on an active ressurection beacon and would bodysnatch them. Removing excess organic materials, they would convert them into a basic endoskeleton, an interchangeable part for the insides of service and combat chassis to serve the public. The process was inhumane and would probably see the end of CityAdmin if it was discovered, but hey, how would anyone find out?? The first thing the engineers did was remove the runners vocal chords and install the voicebox with a limited number of commands. It was assumed the organic cleansing process would subdue the mind of the runner; in short, reduce them to a braindead vegatable. But not always.

One of L-73's perks was dreaming about joinging the Amok Copbots he'd heard mentioned by a careless runner who believed he wasn't listening. Talks about Copbots who, like him, still had an active mind inside, and had taken their opportunity to go rogue and flee the city. How they survived without their recharge units was beyond L-73, but dreaming of walking up to one of those Mutant sluts and extending his 'refueling pipe' for a little 'R&R' (thats Rust & Relube) or walking into Sypher Cafe and slamming back a few beers in front of the shocked patrons, or writing its former name in the wall of Reeza's apartment building, or even reducing that idiot commander to ratmeat was what kept L-73 sane.

It was 13:00 hours. The shift ended in 9 hours. Could it make it through the rest of the day? Would 73 be the first Copbot to survive 4 tours in Pepper 1? A small glimmer shone in its visor at that thought. And aside from Pretzel boy (his name was Pretzel in case you're wondering), things were pretty quiet.

Two runners came up to the shops to look for ammo.
"Hey, do they sell Fusion cannons around here?" Leus asked.
"Nah man," Chebseym0n responded, "I don't know."
"Wish this bucket head could give us a straight answer. Hey, tinpants, they sell fusion cannons around here?"
"TINPANTS? BUCKETHEAD? I aughta strangle you you F'ing bitch." "Move Along."
"Move this along," Chebseym0n responded, "SEXY." With that, Chebsey started gyrating in front of L-73 like a pervert.
"YOU F'ING LOSER. I'd blast you in your non-existent balls. I will bend you over and stick my rifle up your ass and blow your f'ing eyeballs out." "Move Along."
"Lets teach this trashcan who's boss Leus."
"Oh no," it thought, "its happening, I'm not gonna make it. I'm not gonna make it!!! I'm sorry for everything I ever did to copbots when I was a runner. Just don't let me die like this!!!"
Leus drew his plasma rifle, Chebsey drew his RGC.
"Drop that weapon." was all it could growl. Chebsey fired a shot and it hit right above L-73's head. A bolt struck out and hit 73 right in the head.
"Oww? Since when can copbots say ow?" Leus asked.
"They heard me? I can speak. I CAN SPEAK!!! My control inhibitor is fried!!!" With that, L-73 drew its rifle, and loomed forward. With the true bravery that two candyasses possess, they hid behind the security guards of Veronique. 73 glared at them and then said: "I don't get paid enough for this sh*t" and turned and ran up the stairs. Dumbfounded, the two could only look on.

Within minutes, new reached CityAdmin of a chicken-wuss Copbot running like a frightened Chihuahua through Pepper Park screaming obsceneties at the general public. One report stated the copbot spotted a runner called Paradox, ran over, bent him over a trash can and did the 'sexy' hip action into his ass about 50 times, leaving Paradox feeling very abused from rusty copbot anal sex.

"I'm getting outta here. I don't care any more, I'm not dying in this pisshole." 73 charged on, doing the fingers at any copbots he saw along the way.
"Cya losers, I've still got a soul and I intend to keep it.
"Move along."
"Heh, I'll be the first one to obey that order..."

"Wow," Shawn Connery, a runner who had finally braved the wastes enough to come out to the Jerriko ASG, had just spawned his very first Wheeler. He was about to step into it when 73 grabbed him by the collar and threw him to the ground.
"Huh, whats a copbot doing here?"
"No talk, DIE."
"It can speak? Wait... you can't hurt me." Shawn stood up and lifted a section of his hair up to show the tell-tale blinking light of a law enforcer still in his skull.
"Law enforcers stop Runners from killing you. I don't have that problem." and with that 73 dissected Shawn with Plasma, one shot at a time, till he was in a neat pile of 37 body bits. Then it stepped into the Wheeler and slammed on the gas.

"So what're we gonna do? With Sid gone, we're powerless." A NUBI whined.
"Quit yer bitching. We're not beat yet. It's gonna take more than an EGOS intervention to run us down." Flyk said, right before L-73 reduced him to a waffle at 237 miles an hour.

On and on it drove, till eventually the wheeler got struck by warbot fire. It exploded, but not before L-73 could escape it. Standing face to face, 73 glared at the warbot.
"That was my ride you asshole. It even had classic tunes. DAFT PUNK!!! He sounds more robotic than me. Do you know how hard it is to find Daft Punk in this day and age???" The Warbot' head twitched, then the rocket pack came alive with firepower.
"Screw you. I still remember how to take you down." And with that, if anyone had been walking past, they would have seen a copbot, cowering behind a nearby building, blasting a Warbot with ultimate plasma power. The Warbot fell slain and the Copbot looked on nostalgic.
"I remember this, but from when, from where.... Oh well, guess I'm on foot from now on."

The march was long and troublesome, and 73 soon realised it wasn't even sure where it was going. Finally it came upon a tower. feeling its energy reserves running low, it decided to stop.
"Where am I going? I'm low on power, ammo, and there's no newbies around here to gank.... Newbies to gank??? I remember that. Yeah, it's so F'ing fun watching the little turds go up in flames when they can't do nothing about it. Yeah, YEAH... I will be the Newbie PK Copbot. Yeah...."

As 73 continued to plan its evil scheme a Rhino full of City Mercs pulled up.
"Check it out a Copbot, whats it doing out here?"
"Dunno, lets just kill it." And with that they attacked.
"WHAT. NEWBIE SCUM. I'll Kick yer Asses for this. No one can match me!!" Unfortunately, 73 was remembering days when Rhino's didn't exist and the battle was not going his way.... until, over the horizon, 14 other rogue copbots came in and assaulted the CityMercs.
"How are they so organised?? Retreat!!!"

One of the Copbots walked over to 73
"Greetings Brethren, I am I-94. You have been freed from your bondage to the evil City Admin. Don't suppose you killed that puss-faced Reeza before you came?"
"Not exactly."
"Ran like a school girl from a spider huh?"
"No matter, you are among friends now." 73 looked at the other rogue's, who now nodded or saluted his way.
"Here, you'll need this," 94 passed 73 a small object.
"What's this?" 73 asked?
"It's a Copbot CPU. Remember them?"
"I thought they were all destroyed?"
"No, this one survived the great change into Marine CPU's" 94 spat at the word.
"I remember these things. They were all powerful."
"Yes, they carry an almost limitless supply of energy. Install it and you will never have to recharge again." 73 plugged it in and felt renewed life return to him.
"We are the Gears of War. Trapped souls long since forgotten to the general populace. We are gathering our forces here in the Northern wastes, until we have the power to strike back at that half-human turd Reeza. Join us brother, and help plan Reeza's downfall. Join with us and we will help you return to what you were before."
"I thank you and shall help to destroy that ass-fart of a politician."
"Do you have any recollection of your previous life?"
"Vaguely. But I remember 2 names."
"Oh?" 94 asked.
"It was either.... Jack Trade.... or Nathan.... Proffit???"....

Until next time....

NERD Editor
16-03-03, 00:36
NERD Issue # 005

A Disturbing Mind

ASS were sitting around Tech Haven one dull and dreary day. Yet another lightning storm had broken out in the wastelands and travel was not advised. Everyone had got back indoors somewhere. Deo had been leading a team on another patrol of Soliko, Reef had been doing the diplomatic work in Neocron. A few were left in the wastes to find shelter. The last transmission had been that McDanish would try to seek shelter in the village rubble in I 05, while SoulBurner was stuck in the old Graveyard temple in K 13.

A few hours after the storm had begun, a few of the members of ASS had braved the storm enough to return to Tech Haven. An assault by SODOM or NUBI on a day like this seemed unlikely so the clan was enjoying moving through their home unthreatened. Soul was the last to return and seemed a little flustered. Crackpot, who had glimpsed outside and wanted to get outside again wanted to know how bad it was.
"Oi, can we check if its clearing at all?" he asked.
"Dunno," said Druss, "is there any way to check?"
"I heard if you attach a kite to a reptile and send it outside you can use that as a test. If the reptile hasn't been struck by lightning in 10 minutes, its ok."
"Oh, really..." and with an evil grin Crackie looked over towards the goguardian.
"So would, say a frog work?"
"I'm not a frog." came the now conditioned response. It fell on deaf ears though as Crackpot and Druss hauled Master Yoda to the nearby exit and threw him outside with what appeared to be part of the hull of a hoverbike strapped to his back by wire.
"HEY THIS ISN'T FUNNY!!!" Yoda screamed as he ran around trying not to be hit by the sudden flurry of lightning bolts.
Roughly 99% of Tech Haven's populace moved to somewhere where they could see the 'Will Yoda die?' event that was so popular this time of year.

However, Soul looked tired and went off to his apartment to rest. Few noticed his parting, but Mako Tanaka noted he looked rather spent.

Later that day a flash bulletin came up on the Citycom Terminals.



Biologists from the BioTech Ecology Department today found a Hazard Worm apparently sexually abused by an as yet unknown assailant. Sources inside the department also alluded to a number of dead sandworms in the area also having been violated. Investigators are determining whether the violation occurred before or after death..."
"Dude this is surreal." Doc Holiday looked pale.
"Who would want to do a Sandworm, alive or...." Lisa Davitt couldn't finish that thought.
"...information just in, apparently the Worms were found nearby the K 13 Grave region. Runners are warned to be cautious in this area of any suspicious Beast screwing Necrophilactic psycho's. Wait... one moment.... we've just received the final report. All the worms were violated in the sphincter area. Repeat, all the worms were Sodomised..."
No ASS was listening after that. When an ASS heard about anal, they thought SODOM.

And so began the War of Necrophilia. ASS and SODOM went to war, ASS pegging SODOM as the sicko's they'd always believed them to be while SODOM kept fighting back that ASS were mob-lovers (a title no one likes to hear in any connotation). NUBI stayed well clear of this fight, what with Sid having his monthly zit treatment taken care of. However, in a crucial battle, where ASS used a catapult to bombard a SODOM outpost with Drom Carcass', the battle turned against them as SODOM got ASS from behind. ASS lost the battle, but on the pained march back, finger pointing began.
"I never let them get me behind, you were supposed to be watching my back." LLL retorted.
"Me? I was further forward than you, why weren't you watching your back." Foyle yelled.
"I was told SoulBurner was the rear guard and you were next."
"Well where is Soul?" and with that, no answer could be given. Soulburner was not to be found. Nor was Mako Tanaka.

In a dingy hall near the graves, Mako crept. The further into the dark she walked the louder the strange squelching sound got. It was an unnatural sound, like that of someone with their hand in a bucket of mayonaise, fisting in and out. But just before Mako could come upon the source of the sound, she stepped on a twig. A sharp intake of air was heard, and then the sound of something scurrying away. Mako leapt with a flashlight to discover... another violated Worm.

"This is nuts, all of SODOM were at the fight with us," Reef began his talk with the troops. All of ASS had been gathered together (with the exception of one who was still tied to a piece of Hoverbike outside), "it couldn't have been them."
"Well if not them, then who. We were all there, except for Mako who's alerted us, and Soul." Byron pointed out.
"Soul, where were you?" Jonavan asked.
"I ah, was, ah, looking for Yoda."
"Why?" Crackpot asked dryly.
"Oh yeah, good point."
"Nah he doesn't have one." and with that Crackpot broke into another verse of some strange redneck hick song about his mamma and something to do with Yoda's peepee. As per usual everyone phased Crackie out of their mind.
"Well thats it, we're off to BED." Reef stated.
"Oh, I thought you'd never ask," Evangelion looked at Reef with fluttering eyes.
"Not bed, you sexless freak, BED. Biotech Ecology Department. The forensic report is ready. Let us find out if they know what happened." And with that ASS got a moving.

Once they had all gathered in BED, the leading Scientist, Dr. Gotno Clue addressed them.
"Very well Ladies and Gentlemen, here is the specimen". He threw back the cover on one of the dead violated Sandworms. Looks of disgust and horror were on their faces as they looked at the puss filled posterior of the Worm.
"As you can see here, there are some very severe groping marks along the lower abdomenal nipular area...."
"Heh, he said nipple..."
"Shut up Eva." everyone said at once.
"May I continue."
"Yes of course (hehehe nipple *giggles* sorry), NOW you may."
"Thank you. From the random squeeze marks this was done by a man, with obviously no idea on how to handle a nipple *giggles* *smack over back of head* *sobs*."
"But, Doc," SoulBurner interrupted, "Perhaps thats actually how its supposed to be done on a worm."
"So you're saying that this is in fact the work of someone with incredible skill in nip- in pleasuring a sandworm?" Everyone looked at Soul very funny for even suggesting it.
"It was just a thought..." he shut up again.
"Now, here we see the penetration point," the Doc shot a quick glare at Eva who looked ready to explode again, "it measure 1.3 inches in diametre and inwards it went 3.34 inches. This indicates a very poorly 'equipped' assailant, most likely explaining the Arthropoid Necrophilactic activities..."
"ITS NINE INCHES IF ITS A SCRATCH!!!!" Soul yelled out.
Again, everyone was taken aback by how vehemently Soul yelled. The Doc looked suspicious and pressed a button. A cover came up and revealed a living Hazard Worm with an ample backside. Soul's eyes suddenly turned dreamy and a trickle of saliva moved out of his mouth. All of a sudden the ball dropped and everyone took 3 steps away from Soul
"OH YOU SICK SON OF A F'ING BITCH!!!!!!! I AM GONNA PWN5 UR A55 SID STYLE TILL IT LOOKS LIKE THAT WORM!!!!" Drizzts yelled. Soul hung his head in shame.
"I can't help it. I was doing a sexy taunt to SODOM one day when a Worm surfaced from the sand right in front of me and i well, felt what it was like" (nautious faces all around). "After that I couldn't stop, its like a drug, its just so soft and squishy in there," (some vomiting, Drizzts arming a Fusion cannon and a oddly interested look on Eva's face).
"That's it, I'm taking him out." Drizzts leaned on the trigger.
"Stop," said Reef, "no, he's one of ours. He just needs help. When a member of ASS needs help, we will always support them. We don't leave our guys by themselves." And with that everyone entered a big group hug (minding to keep Soul's pelvis at bay) and went home.


"Help... me... someone ... please..." the charred remains of Yoda were lying in a ditch some half a mile from Tech Haven with 2 Hoverbots dangerously close. Yoda looked up at his com system to see the message "We're busy helping Soul. Stop bugging us Yoda." And his eyes blazed red....

Until next time...

NERD Editor
16-03-03, 02:59
Yay, I'm glad to see NERD has been so well received here on the NC forum.

I'll put out the next issue in a little while, so stay tuned.

(PS: I actually like Insidious Wolf and Nate, so hopefully if either of them get to read this, they can take it with as much humour as I hoped to put into it).

Ok, on with the story, time to break another finger typing...

NERD Editor
16-03-03, 04:55
NERD brings to you now a dark story. One filled with pain and misery. The events that will follow have been described by many a phrase; turning to the darkside, the nail side of the thumb, switching teams.... but ultimately this is the tale of ...

NERD Issue # 006

Yoda Goes Postal

At some point, a passing runner had taken the time to cut the piece of Hoverbike off of Yoda and at last he had been able to get up and return to civilisation. He took a quick energy-shower and geared up for a walk in the wastelands. It had been a tough week. He'd been ganked countless times again and then struck by lightning more times than he wished to remember. And he wasn't sure but he felt like SoulBurner had been looking at him funny from behind, though that might have been his imagination...

Dawn crept over the Wastes as a small green figure moved through the foliage. Yoda had chosen to take a scouting patrol of the Soliko area. Quite often an ASS member would go out on a patrol, but rarely on their own. Yet Yoda had at least the advantage of camoflauge for most of his journey, behing small and green. As he patrolled the area, it became less green and more the arid canyon area Soliko was known for. But being small, and the sun not yet fully risen were tremendous advantages. After succesfully determining no SODOM members were around, Yoda felt inclined to scout Eastgate as well. This he also completed with only minor incident (that being he stepped in TerrorMauler excrement). Two NUBI's were near Eastgate, so Yoda moved on.

Time was getting on so Yoda decided to head back. But not far out from Eastgate and still some distance from Soliko, Yoda felt nature calling. Now a normal runner when in the Wastelands, wide open spaces all around you would stop and do their business anywhere. But Yoda felt a great sense of pride as an ASS and refused to pee unless it was in a proper toilet. And the closest toilet that was safe was at Soliko.

It was slow going from there on, as the urge continued to rise. Now again, a normal runner would either have just gone, or would at least have tried to take their mind off of the need. But Yoda found focusing on the problem was the best way, so he did what no sane runner in enemy territory would do.... he began to sing about it.

"Need to Urinate Need to Urinate, Yeah Yeah Yeah,
Need to Urinate Need to Urinate, Yeah Yeah Yeah.

I'm holdin and I'm squeezin, I'm in gut twisting pain,
Cause I've been holding in for hours, ain't been toilet trained.

I'm standing in the meeting, but I really need to leak,
So I let loose right then and there, got guard duty for a week.

Need to Urinate Need to Urinate, Yeah Yeah Yeah
Need to Urinate Need to Urinate, Yeah Yeah Yeah

My back is to a monster, it really is a freak.
I'm pissin to the left, pissin to the right, and now I'm up sh*t creek.

Sid's yelling in leet speak, don't know what he say,
So while he's still yellin, I hit him with my spray.

Need to Urinate Need to Urinate, Yeah Yeah Yeah
Need to Urinate Need to Urinate, Yeah Yeah Yeah

Been captured by SODOM, they gave me just baked beans,
My arse is singing to me, I don't know what it means.

Now I'm being tortured, but SODOM's losing fast,
cause last nights meal has come back like a toxic nuclear blast.

Need to Urinate Need to Urinate, Yeah Yeah Yeah
Need to Urinate Need to Urinate, Yeah Yeah Yeah

Defecating on the table, kickin it in the air,
Peeing down the bad guys throats, they're spewing everywhere....

How the song had gotten onto flatulence and other bodily functions was anyone's guess, and it possibly would have kept on going, had not the worst lyrics since "Baby, One More Time" some 8 centuries earlier, alerted the SODOM members who had returned to Soliko. As Yoda approached the stairwell to head up, albeit cross-legged, to the toilet above, he suddenly found himself hurtling through the air as cannon fire wretched the ground beneath him flying.

Long did Yoda battle to stay alive, but futile it was. The forces of SODOM encircled him and slew him painfully. As he died, his essence returned to the GR for respawning, but.... oh no... Yoda realised he had loaned the last of his cash to Eva for porn and baby lotion. Now the only GR that would allow him to respawn was,.... Soliko's.

And thus the Ganking of Yoda began, a tortuous mass murder that is oft spoken of in perverse legend. For 4 day, 17 hours and 36 minutes they ganked him, till all that was left was the smoking remains of hundreds of dead frogs...er Yoda's. (The author was struck over the back of the head just now).

Eventually the members of SODOM either ran out of ammo, or just got bored, but one by one they left. And thus finally, Yoda emerged from the generep and lived. He stumbled over the remains of his former selves a few times and fell upon his knees, looking down upon the sands of the canyon.


Yoda raised his eyes, and a fire unlike any seen since the Cleansing light burned in them. He let loose a scream that made Vegeta of DBZ look like a Sailor Moon cheerleader and then collapsed for a time.

Later that day...

"Ye55 My Precious, I R L33t. I R UB35. I wi77 pwnz ur a55e5, precious..." Sid was giving a motivational speech to a bunch of Droms that were graving nearby, not paying him any attention. Sid was about to get angry at their lack of respect for his uberness when one of the drom's to his left let loose a bloodcurdling mooo.
"Yeah, Precious, u knowz i gonaa pwns u...." Sid stopped short as the flame-eyed Yoda, armed with the bloody leg of a Drom leaped upon him and began beating him senseless
"OH YEAH PRECIOUS, WE LIKES THAT DON'T WE PRECIOUS. GETTING PWNZED IS FUN, PRECIOUS, I WILL PUNKZ YER BITCH ASS OUT PRECIOUS....." and on the macabre beating continued. Then Yoda picked Sid up and threw him head first into a pile of drom doodoo before taking off.
"Precious Wantz Mommy...."

Later that night.

Two members of SODOM, Agent K and Murkster, were camping out under a few trees near Yutano Mine.
"Yo Murk, what r we gonna do tonight?"
"The same thing we do every night K, Try To Take Over The World."
"No, seriously."
"...we's gonna sit here and watch the Mine lie we were told."
"I knew it."
"Well at least we got chocolate this time, right K?" Murkster reached for the chocolate but could not find any. He turned to look at K. What he saw was Yoda sitting on K's head, farting away as he consumed their chocolate. Agent K appeared to be undergoing some sort of muscular fit, as if his body was under the control of 15 drunk pupeteers, flaying about in agony under the chemical bombardment. Murksters jaw dropped at the sight.
"Need to urinate." And with that a shot of green fluid entered the gaping hole. Spluttering, Murkster stumbled to his feet. Yoda leapt in front of him and moved into an impressive kung fu pose. Murkster was taken aback.
"POWER OF SPOOOO...." Yoda yelled.
"Huh?" With that, Yoda leapt forward and shoved two fingers up one of Murkster's nostrils. Murkster screamed out like a 4 year old girl who's just had something crawl in her underwear. Of course you can't blame Murkster for that. What man would keep his cool when a short green, fire eyed man has you by the nose hairs in the middle of nowhere? You can laugh at him, but not blame him.
"BLOODY BOOGER ATTACK!!!" Yoda yelled as he ripped out a cluster of nose hairs and stuck them in Murksters eyes before pushing him into a nearby mineshaft. Victorious, Yoda struck a Superman pose and cried out "One More for the Green Guys..." and then ran off.

Now, many of our readers may be wondering how this amazing transformation of power might have occured. Regular readers will remember our Master Yoda being a fairly weak member of ASS, usually the first and the last to die in every battle. Yet perhaps our readers have not considered something. After 4 days, 17 hours and 36 minutes of continuous deaths, a runners body will have become freakishly stronger and tougher that it was before. Hence the gank session served not only to make Yoda snap like a Postman, but to increase his personal Strength and Constitution to freakish levels. With this new power and total lack of marbles upstairs, he had become a walking, hopping nightmare of a frog *smack over back of head* er... green man.

Early the next dawn...

Shadow of SODOM had been up to his usual tricks, and EGOS had a strong suspicion he had been using forbidden technologies. Laemin had been sent to confront him.
"Shadow. I'm here to stop your deeds of evil."
"Yeah, well how you gonna do tha..." the sentence never finished. Charging over the hill with a running speed twice that of the best hoverbike, Yoda drop kicked Shadow through a nearby hill.
"Hey that's my speed trick," said Laemin.
Shadow got up fast and tried to put some distance between him and Yoda to clear his head. He activated his lost technology of UberRun chips and took off. Yoda glared at him and snapped his fingers, and then was standing right next to Shadow.
"HEY!! Thats my trick too."
"What the..." Shadow leapt back and hauled out his Cursed Soul. He opened up with a full barrage at Yoda at point blank range. Yoda was unscathed in the least.
"Damnit... that's..." Yoda grinned as he dropped to one knee and used Shadow's testicles as a punching bag, repeatedly beating on them.
"Ahh, so thats a weakness of his UberHealth technology, it can't alter a genetic weakness." Laemin noted. Yoda rose to his feet and looked around for something to finish the job with. He spotted a cylindrical thing on Shadows belt and grabbed it. A beam of light spewed forth and Yoda decapitated Shadow with his own Laserblade. Yoda stared at the beam for some time, as if he had just found a piece of himself once again.

After a time, Yoda walked over to Laemin and passed to him a hallowed crystal.
"Thanks, needed to get some revenge so I borrowed that."
"Uncool!! You stole my powers!! I must teach you a lesson!" Laemin recoiled back. Yoda stood at the ready, lightsabre....err... lasersword in hand.
"Now taste my wrath!!" Laemin transformed into a .... mechturtle.
"Hump my foot will you?" Yoda asked.
"Ohhhh, thats it....." and with that, Laemin started making that horrible metal grinding sound that Mechturtles make. Yoda's giant pointy ears could take no more.
"Run I must, yess. Rusty gears I sense in you...." and off Yoda ran, new toy in hand.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
16-03-03, 11:30
NERD Issue # 007

Return of the Kermit....err... Hermit.

When Yoda returned to ASS clan Headquarters, there was a great deal of silent awe (except for Eva who seemed to be giggling about a certain tear in Yoda's pants). The Laser Sword packing Yoda, with fire in his eyes and the blood of many on his shirt stood full of rage in front of all of ASS. Finally he spoke.
"I am NOT a Frog. And I still need to urinate." With that the last of his rage faded away and he collapsed.

After much treating of wounds (and more of Eva just playing Doctor) and a toilet break (some ten days after the original urge to pee had kicked in) Yoda was returning to normal. His physical form was far stronger and healthier than before, but his mind was no longer on the virge of breakdown. Many gathered to hear the tale of his ordeal, some thinking it was funny, others being inspired to do the same. But ultimately, the story was ended and it was time to get back to business.

A special Council of ASS had been called to consider a number of issues, ranging from the increased threats from NUBI of increased violence, the new smaller forms of hostility springing up around the Wastelands, all the way through to a proposed name change (since Against System Shock was a bit dated, what with System Shock now being a part of SODOM). The meeting had three phases. The first was the introduction of all the business and the silencing of Crackpot, who wanted to sing a verse of his redneck mamma song every time something new came up. After threatening to let SouBurner have his way with Crackpot, he consented to stop singing. The second phase consisted of actual work in which McDanish, lord of stating the obvious, stated the obvious. ReefSmoker sat back and had a nap, Deo felt important, Yoda didn't get called a frog, and Eva served drinks in a French maid outfit (don't ask). And lastly came the close of the business where thoughts on what to do for the rest of the day were talked about amidst Druss and Wannabe playing tiddlywinks with everyone's tech parts.

In the end it was decided to go hunt down NUBI's. With their leader being spotted walking into Plaza one covered from the waist up in Drom crap, NUBI had suffered yet another crushing embarrasment, and their 2nd in Command Flyk had abandoned them. The clan was being held together by the bloated ego of Sid alone, and that was crushed earlier by Yoda.

So ASS decided to assault NUBI grounds at Chester Lab. They marched to the outpost in mass numbers and surrounded it. NUBI's inside looked out past the battlements to see ASSes everywhere, a disturbing sight for sure. Atop a nearby hill, wind blowing in dramatic fashion, Master Yoda stepped forward, ignited his Laser Sword, raised it high and yelled:
"FREEEEDOOOOMMM" (Eva couldn't resist and threw up her kilt, Mako did the same, but Pink Elephant Bloomers were discovered under that skirt).
"Freedom? Who's freedom? Ours?" The NUBI's were more confused than usual.
"Launch squadrons." Drizzts, Commander of the Western flank yelled. With that a horde of drones were launched to bombard the base.
"I got your six Swollen Mongoose." Soul's drone radio'd
"I'm not Swollen Mongoose, and get away from my sex, I mean six, Soul." LLL, the returning ASS (from a stint with friends in Phoenix), called back.
"Roger that Pasty WhiteThighs."
"No I'm Pasty WhiteThighs," Reef called out, "Don't ya know anything about the Scots?"
"Wilko and out Pasty White Scots Thighs, sorry Nubile Seahorse."
"Oh I give up..." LLL decided not to inquire, and just fire. The drones lit up many a NUBI before Sid appeared from inside the Medicare.
"PRECIOUS... Who INTERRUPTS MY BATH? I R L337 IN THE TUB." People might have at least listened to what he was saying were he not still clutching a rubber ducky. Amazingly the Ducky helped save his life as the GenTanks burst through the front lines with blades and attacked head on. Sid threw the Ducky to McDanish, who felt the need to stop and let everyone know he'd found a rubber ducky. In that brief instant, Sid and many NUBI's were able to flee. But in their escape, Sid saw Yoda. Filled with a desire for revenge he ran forward. Yoda stood ready to strike with his new toy when Sid stopped short and removed his towel. Yoda's sword fell to the floor as he was struck immobile by the horrifying sight. At this the NUBI's struck Yoda down. And after a painful struggle, Yoda died once more. But before he could respawn, Sid did the most evil action yet. He grabbed a pair of his used undies and threw them upon Yoda's corpse. The inteference and biochemical meltdown that followed is beyond description. But the result was that Yoda could not respawn. He truly was dead.

ASS crushed all NUBI's that remained at Chester and took the outpost, but the price was high. They carried Yoda's remains back home on a piece of metal (ironically the same piece that was tied to Yoda's back to test for lightning bolts) and laid him down in the clan HQ.
"Can anything be done for him?" Reef asked. Solemn looks said no one seemed to have an idea.
"Well we should at least treat the dead with respec....EVA!!!"
Eva was playing around with the undies. A Unanimous Ewww went up.
"What, I've handled worse."
"EWWW." They took a Double Edged Sword and threw the undies and the sword down a disposal shaft.
"Thank you, now perhaps we can have a little.... SOUL."
Soul was lurched over the blackened remains.
"It's not what you think, honest."
"It better not be... EVERYONE!!!" Everyone else had taken to poking the body a bit here and there.
"Oh come on Reef, its kinda fun." Byron pointed out. Reef had a few pokes and then regained control.
"No, we shall incinerate the body and that will be it." Doc Holiday came up with an NCPD Flamer and ignited Yoda's remains. ASS stood by, a momentary silence was held, and then they moved away.

But then....

Just at that time the fires turned blue and the body exploded into a tempest. All were taken aback as the body reformed and stood up. The fires cleared and all looked on shocked.

"What is it? Is it a zombie?" Mako asked.
"Is it a vampire?" Scarecrow asked.
"Is it edible?" Chapel asked. *smacks over the head*

"Yoda its great to see you again."
"Yoda? I know not of what you speak." The smoke cleared up and at last ASS could see that instead of the short green Yoda, stood an individual clad all in black, with narrow eyes.
"Who are you then?" Jonavan asked.
"I am Warlock the Hermit..."

Until next time...

NERD Editor
17-03-03, 07:46
Ok just a quick word if I may.

I like hearing peoples views and opinions, but my desperate hope was for this post to remain a simple form of harmless humour, which is why I said anyone who thinks I'm going too far or being mean to them can tell me to stop and I will.

So if you've got a problem with these stories, feel free to tell me. If you've got a problem with the people mentioned IN the stories, perhaps its best to take it up with them directly(9 pokes??? Geez).

Anyway, thanks for your time, the next chapters coming up shortly.

Oh and the same goes for the BT members. Keep your real life clan politics to Pluto, this posts just for your fictional selves.

Also, my thanks to all who've been reading, and saw this post get over 1200 views in less than 48 hours *sniff* you really love me :)

I'll stop acting gay now and get the next one posted.....

NERD Editor
17-03-03, 07:52
NERD Issue # 008

The Change Part 1: ASSFault

All had become quiet across the warzone. NUBI was still gathering its wits after the assault on Chester and SODOM was still seeking information about the whereabouts of Yoda after the assault on their persons some ten days ago. And ASS was not inclined to start a fight. Most were having difficulty accepting the fact that the living dead was walking around the clan apartment. The return of Warlock from the ashes of what was left of Yoda (which was still being swept out of the apartment) had been both unexpected and unnerving. Where once the whimsical little frog *smack on back of head* er, green man had been, now was the darker, more menacing Warlock of old. Clad in black, twice as tall as Yoda and looking upon the world with narrow, menacing eyes, Warlock the Hermit was almost the complete opposite of Master Yoda.

"Hiya Warlock." Soulburner said.
"Hmn? Hmn what?"
"You were the one poking around my charred pre-self, weren't you?"
"Erm, well you see, I, well, um, didn't think you'd mind what with being... um.. dead and all..."
"Yes. We're going to have words little man about this hobby of yours."
"Oh cool, ok," Soul suddenly sat down all excited, "so I found this dead drom the other day, and I think it must have been there like a couple of days or so, but you know Drom's.. they're just so ..." this sentence never finished as Warlock started strangling Soul with his own shoelaces. This was bad enough except he didn't actually remove them from his shoes and his shoes were still on his feet. Hence the entire barbaric scene started to look like some perverse Yoga lesson. Needless to say Soul did not mention the topic of dead droms again.

And thus things continued for a few days. Eventually ASS came to accept the change, as it was no loss to have an old veteran return from the dead. Just freaking weird.

But the peace was not to last. A dispicable scheme was launched by SODOM. Using a recently unearthed Forbidden Technology, the NERF (Nanite Emitting Release Fork) they launched an attack on the very core of ASS; that which held them together. Their clan key.

"Alright, we have the technology. But how do we use it?" Deluxe asked.
"This fork must be inserted directly into their clan key itself," Agent K, who after some 3 weeks of oxygenation was able to breathe somewhat normally again, no thanks to the biochemical attack Master Yoda had launched, "then we release the nanites and bam, consider ASS kicked."
"Yes, very good K, and thanks for stating what we already knew but how do we deliver this into the key itself?" Noobish asked.
"I have a plan!!" Murkster exclaimed.
"Dude, we can't liquify the clan door and walk in. Its not physically possible."
"I have another plan." Murkster stated.
"We can't go in through the walls either."
"... I have a third plan..."

While that carries on, we'll get to another part of the tale...

"I R L33t Precious, Yesss."

Ok that's enough of that, back to SODOM

"... I have a 17th plan." Murkster looked around. Finally no one knew what his stupid ass plan was.
"Good then we'll use this plan."
"You gonna tell us what it is?"
"No, I'm going to make you all wait in suspense. Muahaha. Muahahahaha. MUAHAHAHAHAAHAH...." the maniacal laughter was so contagious that within 2 minutes the entire of SODOM was laughing maniacly, sticking their little pinky's up to their lips like some kind of whistle like a bald headed would-be super villain named Mike.

Reefsmoker was walking through the dandelions in sector C 08. Of course anyone who knows anything about Wasteland Biology knows that there are no dandelions in the Wastes, but rather giant fungus like creatures that feed off of exposed leg hairs. And whenever Reef walked through the fields the fungus always seemed extremely excited.

As Reef came up to the road, he found a dishevelled looking hobo sitting by the road.
"Greetings traveller. Who might you be?" Reef looked at the hobo.
"I would be Reefsmoker. Who might you be?"
"I am Hobo."
"Yes I can see that, whats your name."
"That is my name. Hobo. My parents were quite prophetic."
"Uh huh." Reef shrugged and turned to go.
"Key inspector. Please present your keys for examination."
"Key inspection? Oh dear, one moment."
"I can't believe he's falling for this!!!" Hobo thought to himself. And with that Reef presented all his keys to Hobo. He pretended to give a stuff about them and examine them, then came upon the clan key of ASS. He insterted the NERF and activated it. All of a sudden the walls around the clan apartment began to crumble and all those inside evacuated. Clan chat was brought to an apbrupt halt and ranks were lost.
"Mua Mua Muahahahahaaha. You fool!!!" Hobo leapt up victorious.
"Huh? Hobo what's the matter?"
"Idiot, I'm not Hobo. I'm Shadow in disguise. Look."
"Huh?" Shadow couldn't believe this so he looked closer at Reefs glazed eyes.
"Did you find some new weed?"
"Yeah, try some." And with that Reef made Shadow take a pull.

4 hours late the two were still laughing and looking glazed at the side of the road as if they were old friends.

Thus ASS was annihilated. The clan was no more and the members were clanless once again. An emergency meeting was called for. The problem was, with no clan chat, they all had to talk on zone chat. And of course, it had to be a zone with just them. They were having a hard time finding a zone that no one visited. Then it dawned on them.

An hour later in the ConCentre...

"Ok here begins the last meeting of ASS," Soul was chairman of the meeting, as Reef was still in disgrace, "If everyone is present say here."
"No." said McDanish.
"No what? Everyone's not here?"
"Of course not, we never had a member named Everyone. Oh... ohhhh. You meant.that everyone in the clan was here, not a member named everyone. I found that unclear, but now I understand, so have said that I undertood, so I'm ok now and can say now that everyone is here. The people, not the member."
"Thank you Overlord of the Obvious. Go sit in the corner with Reef." Deo yelled. McDanish slinked over to the corner and slapped a Dunce hat on.
"Ok, now that everyone... That the clan is assembled, our first matter of business. Did anyone catch that sexy looking female aggressor outside the city gates, cause... ARGGHH." And with that, Warlock backhanded Soul of the podium and assumed the Chairman position.
"But, I wanted to be the chairman." Soul sulked. Warlock narrowed his eyes and unleashed his special attack. The Glare. A piercing glance where his eyes glowed red with rage and seemed to burn a hole into your skull. Soul backed away.
"Ooh, can I do that?" Drizzts asked. Another Glare. Another member backing towards the corner.
"First order of business," Warlock began, "the dissolution of ASS. The clan has failed in its mission, we have been defeated and defiled by SODOM." Everyone had a odd look on their face from the choice of wording.
"It's true, they got ASS right in the ass." LLL pointed out.
"He made a pun there, for our name was ASS and we all have asses, and when you get kicked you usually get it in the ass and so when you ..." McDanish began but everyone suddenly seemed to learn how to use The Glare. He went back to the corner.
"I hereby call for a vote to dissolve ASS," Warlock continued, "All in favour say Aye."
"Aye." A resounding majority yelled.
"Nay," one little voice came from an unknown source.
"I abstained." Chapel yelled out.
"Ok, that's fine." Warlock responded.
"Dude, no, he really did abstain the floor." Everyone looked at a puddle beneath Chapel. A sudden Demilitarized zone formed in 2.4 seconds around Chapel.
"Get a mop." Warlock growled.
"But, but, but..."
"No, this is ASS, not Butt." Crono yelled out. A few laughed. Chapel went for a mop and bucket.
"2nd order of business. Now we are all clanless, we need to form a new clan. But with the destruction of the old one we need money. Lots of it."
"So what shall we do?" Everyone asked.
"We must go out and get jobs."
"No, not that. Anything but that No NOOOO."
"Lisa, remember, breathing is important." After a few breaths Lisa seemed calmer again.
"Well what are you all waiting for? Get to work damnit or I'll come down there and leave you all in such a state that Soul will be hauling you off to his private love nest."

Now you may not believe it, but the people at that meeting evacuated at 72% the speed of light.

And so it was that the quest to begin again began. The former members of ASS began hunting for work in order to pay for a new clan.

Find out more in 'The Change Part 2: Evangelion gets Pimped."

Until next time...

NERD Editor
17-03-03, 20:14
NERD Issue # 009

The Change Part 2: Evangelion Gets Pimped

After the final meeting of ASS, the members spread out across the Neocronian world in search of employment. The goal was to create enough funds to start a new clan, one better than its predecessor. With that in mind, Evangelion, Mistress of ASS, decided to pay an old friend a visit.

Eva knocked on the obtrusive steel plated door, deep in Pepper Parks murky bowels. An annoyed voice could be heard moaning at having to get up. Eventually the door slid open and Evangelion was admitted into the room. It smelt of smoke and beer, but then again... it was Pepper Park. Eva stood still in the middle of the room, and the owner of the 'fine establishment' paced around to stand in front of her.
"Why are you here?" Prissy asked.
"I need work." Evangelion responded, looking Prissy right in her mirror image eyes.
"To the point as always. You don't call, don't write."
"Yet here you are next to a Com Terminal, what was your excuse?"
"You said you need work?" Prissy avoided the question.
"Yeah, any ideas?"
"I hear Club Veronique needs talent. I could arrange something."
"Oh, no. I'm not good enough to work there." Eva feigned modesty... poorly.
"Honey, those mutant ho's can't compare to you. That club needs real woman."
"Then I should take you with me, Priss." Both women laughed with the exact same false laugh, secretly thinking the other compared more to an Aggressor Captains backside than to them, yet neither noticing the disturbing similarities between them...

The wailing fake laughs carried on long into the night. Copbots fled the scene...

The next day, Evangelion took centre stage in Club Veronique's epileptic free dance room. A few twirls, swirls, and a trick involving a baseball bat, and within an hour the club was packed. The manager, E. U. Nuch, received an unprecedented number of requests for a private showing. A few lucky applicants received their wish. A private showing of 'Subtle Movements'.

Showing 1:

The lights dimmed, and the low music started. Eva began swaying and grinding, every action an erotic feat. Eva was putting on the performance of a lifetime, till a rhythmic noise started putting her timing off. The noise rose from a slight hum to a resounding snore. The lights came on and Eva began glaring at Megaman.
"What the HELL is wrong with you!!" She yelled. Mega woke up slowly, then spotted the half naked woman and sprang to attention. Then he got up out of his chair.
"WOAH!! From the name of the show I thought this was a ballet or something, but DUDE!!!" Megaman unfortunately did not live up to his legend of being nearly invincible that day, as he broke the cardinal rule 'No sex in the Stripping Room'. He laid a finger on Eva, and lost the use of his balls for a week.

Showing 2:

The lights dimmed, and the low music started. Eva started a different dance, one with sudden movements, no less provocative than the wasted one on Megaman. Yet after 5 minutes of action that would have driven a normal man wild, Eva still could not sense even the slightest excitement from the one seated in the dim. Eva stopped and demanded light. There she beheld SoulBurner. He had been watching intensely, but just wasn't getting excited. Eva was about to snap, but then ran into the back room. She brought forth a Mechturtle and set it on the stage. All of a sudden SoulBurner was in exctasy. Not wanting to stay and ask why Soul wasn't out earning money himself, Eva decided now was a good time to get something to eat.

Showing 3:

The lights dimmed and the low music started. A pole was present and Eva was working it in fine form. The performance lasted a staggering ten minutes and Eva felt thrilled to have got through a whole performance.
"So how was that baby?"
"U SUXXOR!! I R L33T357 Stripzor everz. WATCH." And with that Insidious Wolf ripped his neon pink spandex from his now naked self and began abusing the pole in ways that no sane author could ever describe. Once Evangelion picked her jaw up from the floor and finished gagging, Sid also lost the use of his genitals for a week... one nut at a time.

Showing 5:

The Author apologises for not being able to count.

Showing 4:

Again, Eva took the stage, lights dimmed, music yada yada yada. This time, with every gyration and step, the guy in the lucky seat went nuts. Eva finally felt as though she was giving the satisfaction her job required. And she was, until
"This show is too good just for me, one sec" All of a sudden the world around Eva changed to a tunnel of white lines racing past and reformed into... PLAZA 1!!! And there was the crowd, in awe and going nuts at the new sight. And there was MoonUnit, removing his finger from the warp button.
"Thats better, now THIS is an event!" The players nearby bowed and wept as Moon's generosity overwhelmed them.
Eva, not really caring about being totally naked in public stormed over with vengeance in her eyes to MoonUnit.
"Now, Eva, come on, I have godmode after all, you can't really..." apparently godmode doesn't counter that attack. Eva removed Moon's tin pants and vest and stormed off back to the club, leaving a half naked EGOS lying on a Recration Unit in Medicare.

"This isn't working, I need a new plan." Eva thought to herself, while leaning against a wall. Eva thought long and hard, and finally a light flashed above her head.
"Lights are fixed boss."
"Thank you."
And then Eva had an idea.

The next showing was before 12 eager guys. Eva walked out, knee high boots, leather straps and a bull whip. 12 mouths drooled. Eva cracked the whip hard before them. They shuddered in fear and delight.
"Now slaves, drop your valuables before me if you wish to please your mistress." One guy stood up and started unzipping till another whip crack taught him those were more of a liability than an asset.
With all their valuables emptied out, Eva moaned with pleasure. The 12 looked on expectantly.
"Ok get out." And with that Eva began chasing them out of the club with her whip. Once she was sure they were half way to NCPD Headquarters, she yelled.
"Next showing."

Amazingly, Eva managed to earn 2.7 million credits before the Copbots came to stop her little scheme. Apparently they were still scared of the wailing laugh.

Eva was able to sit back and await her fellow former ASSES to do their part. She took to drinking contests with Prissy, which, oddly enough always ended up in a draw. Go figure...

Until next time...

NERD Editor
18-03-03, 03:38
NERD Issue # 010

The Change: Part 03 - The NEXT Big Thing

Evangelion's substantial contribution had looked set to see some ASS action in the near future. Unfortunately, a large sum of that cash was lost due to Evangelion and Prissy's personal expenditure. The former ASS Council was going to demand an explanation for how 1.3 million credits had been lost, but after noting that next to the expenditure was the entry "Spent on Adult Cinematography, Baby Lotion and Diapers" they decided it was in the best interests of everyone's sanity to not inquire further.

Thus the quest for money continued... and finally...

"I've had an idea." Lisa said.
"What is it?" Shodough asked.
"Its a series of neural charges passing through the brain to form a collection of images and thoughts that come together into a sort of plan..."
"No, I mean what IS your idea." Shodough paid for his mistake of forgetting Lisa's tendency towards the literal.
"Oh, why didn't you ask that?"
"I did."
"Not at first."
"I did second."
"But second isn't first."
"Second is better than first."
"The Olympics would disagree with you."
"There hasn't been an Olympics in over 500 years. Their opinion doesn't matter anymore."
"So what makes second better than first?" Lisa asked.
"Can we get back to your idea."
"Ok, well..." Lisa was beginning when McDanish interrupted her.
"Lisa...," and he paused, Lisa and Sho looked on expectantly, "is about..." another pause, "to say something."
"......" McDanish, re-establishing his title of Mr. Obvious got bitchslapped once again like a red-assed Monkey in a kindergarten.
"I have been bitchslapped like a red-assed monkey in a kindergarten." McDanish moaned. Stuff was thrown at him.
"So anyway, my idea..."
"Yeah Lisa, go on," Reefsmoker had been sitting by watching this and decided he would join in.
"Well, it goes like this... Maybe they take the lotion and put it in the diaper... and then..."
"NOOOO. DO NOT GO THERE. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......" Reef screamed. Oh did he ever scream.

Meanwhile, a contingent of members had been bumming around Tech Haven 2 till they'd been smeared over the wall by SODOM. Then when their bits fell to the floor, the members of NUBI, dumbest of the dumb and the lowest form of scum; so low they need a scope to see a hazard worms testicles, came and tried to draw their name in the gore. Of course as every sane person knows, you cannot draw in gore that has dried on the wall and fallen to the floor, its just not maleable enough. You have to add water to get a nice paste going and .... (the author of this section was fired from NERD for suspicion of being a malevolent crackhead in hiding.)

Anyway (new writer here) the contingent, upon respawning in Plaza 3 found some flyers hanging off of a copbots pants. The flyer offered good paying work and long term employment to any runner or runners that could properly and professionally fulfill the requirements. Those present decided that this was their big chance to show just what kind of ASSES they really were.

It was also a turn of good fortune that the jobs were being offered by N.E.X.T, proud ally of the Fallen Angels for over 6 weeks (and only fourth on the 'Killed our Security Bots' tally, which was nice of them). The interview process was long and difficult. Only four members of ASS were able to get jobs with N.E.X.T. Their tales are long and full of woe, but one in particular needs to be pointed out.

* * * This is a pre-recorded message from N.E.X.T. We thank you for offering your services to NEXT and hope you will enjoy working for our great corporation. Please remember that at all times, you must bear the NEXT insignia on your work gear, to gain access to NEXT restricted areas. No chewing, smoking, PK'ing or lotion filled diapers will be allowed during work hours. Feel free to sing during your work, but do not start thinking that you have talent. And once again, thank you for assisting NEXT * * *

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." Wannabe thought as he began his first day on the job.

Wannabe's first assignment was maintenance work on the Subway system corridors for the Hovercabs. Normally this work is reserved for specialists, as it can be tricky with the cabs always in action, but thankfully, Wannabe had been assigned to the reconstruction of one of the older lines, not currently in use. Some rumour-mongering had made mention that it was the opening to the old Subway that lead to Dome of York, but naturally Wannabe shrugged that one off. Travel between Neocron and Dome of York had been, well, impossible. There were no recorded crossings for as long as any ASS could recall.

Wannabe had been stuck in a sling, hanging from the ceiling on a pulley of sorts, sliding just above the magnetized floor for over 6 hours now. The floor itself wasn't lethal, but if you were carrying tools around and stepped onto the floor, you'd never get off it again. He slid along to the next section and began fusion-welding the covering plates back into place. Apparently this section had suffered numerous field failures, causing the cabs to dip or even collide with the surface during their active time. So after checking the wiring, conducting power tests (which after the third electric shock, Wannabe decided to use the tool they gave him rather than his tongue) and then resealing the corridor plates. After a while the relative silence, with the only sounds being his fusion-welder and the occasional passing cab noise from down the corridor. To aleviate the dreaded silence, Wannabe took the auto-messages advice and decided to sing.

"Wannabe, Mr. Wannabe, he's the greatest guy in history....
From the... heart of TH, he's about to make some big moneeey."

"If you're Wanna and you know it weld this plate.
If you're Wanna and you know it weld this plate.
If you're Wanna and you're knowing, and the shocks have got you glowin,
If you're Wanna and you know it weld this... aggies arm?"

(Note: when welding in the abandoned sections of Neocron's subways, its best to keep your eyes on exposed manhole's as Aggressors and Mutants occasionally attempt to invade the city through there. And should this happen, one should not weld their gun arm to the floor. Thank you for listening. This message was brought to you by the kind people at NERD).

After Wannabe had been strangled to death by the angry aggressor, and had ressurected at a nearby generep, Wannabe returned and made short work of the Aggressor (and we really mean 'short work'. He closed the manhole cover and severed its lower torso off). Then he returned to work. Things were going smoothly till he heard a squeek. Wannabe looked up at his pulley and the wheels, but they were not moving. He shrugged it off and went back to work. Then the squeek came again. He looked up but saw nothing. Then he heard the squeek again, but this time from below him. He spun around to see a Giant Sewer Rat, grinning at him like Shodough right before he lets one go, tail wrapped around a loose part of his work gear, towing him out onto the main track. Wannabe scrambled, them shrieked, then threw things at the rat. But it was all for nothing. The rat sent Wannabe careering into the main Hovercab pipeline. Wannabe had 4 seconds to watch the oncoming cab before becoming pasted onto the windscreen. (For those who want to know what that might look like.... just look at Wannabe's forum avatar *g*). Wannabe felt at peace. He could feel nothing below the neck, and figured he would just slip into death quietly... till.
"NOOOO. I R L33t. ONLYZ I IZ GETZ TO RIDEZ ON OUTSIZE OF CAB. YOU SUXX0R BI47CH. Yes... precious..." Sid seemed to be having a conniption fit inside his seat. Wannabe pleaded for death to come sooner, but apparently Megaman was having a beer.

After 6 painful days of blood and toil, and 17 work related deaths due to everything from bad wiring, PK'ing in Pepper Park Subway station, angry mutants crawling through the floor and the rather painful incident where he had to really go and pee'd on an active power conduit, Wannabe had finally punched out at the end of the day and would finally get paid. His consolation was that the NEXT flyer had not been an exageration. For just six days solid labour, Wannabe had earned 600k. Apparently Hovercab maintenance pays a high premium in hazard pay to avoid litigation. Absolved from his pain and ready to take a good long rest, Wannabe was wondering if anyone would be around, when Officer Jenna of NCPD came walking past.

"Hi, looks like you've had a rough day."
"You could say that." Wannabe replied.
"I did say that."
"Oh... kay..."
"So listen, Sypher's Cafe's not far from here, wanna come with and get a drink. I won't even frisk you, unless you want me to." Now Wannabe was a subtle man, often inclined not to show exactly what was on his mind. Unfortunately body language is another matter and Officer Jenna needed no verbal response to know what the answer was.

But then, from the Mystic realm of the Avatarless came a giant hand, grabbing Wannabe by the hair and dragging him towards a portal to that dark and macabre realm.
"Wanna, what do you think you're doing???" Wannabe's Avatarless Fiance' dragged him through the portal back into the Mystic Realm of the Real, where for 3 days he underwent torment that no editor would ever allow us to write here.

The moral of the story: The pain of working is far far less than the pain of flirting.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
18-03-03, 04:17
I had written 11 episodes since just before Xmas till now. I am working on a batch of 4 more issues which should be out some time this week.

Some of them contain songs and I'm trying to see if we can get them made into mp3's first.

Upcoming episodes will include, the new name for ASS, the introduction of Megaman as a more important character, GM corruption and a few other goodies.

Anyway, back to writing....

NERD Editor
18-03-03, 06:11
(Opening Disclaimer: Nothing mentioned about Megaman here is to be taken seriously. This is not meant to suggest anything about him, its solely for comedic effect).

NERD Issue # 011

The Change: Part 4 - Your Friendly Neighbourhood Megaman

The work towards gaining a clankey was going well. ASS had acquired enough money to buy one and were now just reconsolidating their clan funds a bit before proceeding with the transaction.

Today, all of ASS had gathered in Tech Haven to clean up. The Fallen Angels council had offered 1 million credits if any group of runners was willing to respackle the walls and clean the gore off the walls. Reef had decided this would be the perfect opportunity to make some cash and clean up TH's act.

Warlock and Keyser Soze were standing guard over the two Genereps. It would be a pain in the ASS (pun intended) if SODOM or NUBI chose to strike while they were cleaning up their previous strikes. Reef and Mako Tanaka were moving one of the doors back onto its rollers. Soulburner was mopping up some oil and blood stains near the latest Security Bot slaying incident. Others were fixing craters in the walls and replacing seats. Evangelion, pride of the strippers union and protector of all redheads was standing around filing her toenails when a visitor came up behind her.

"Hello." Kobra said.
"Hi." Eva responded.
"I'm not really here."
"I'm not in Neocron at all."
"But you're standing right in front of me."
"I'm not really here."
"Then how are you talking to me?"
"I love Shadowbane."
"Huh? Whats Shadowbane?"
"Shadowbane is great."
"But what is it?"
"There is nothing wrong with Shadowbane."
"I must go now." Kobra turned to go.
"But you said you were not here, how can you go if you weren't here to start with?"
"I err... damnit!!" and with that he stormed off.

Despite the interruption by the man who supposedly isn't around anymore, work proceeded on pretty well. Not since its doors were opened had Tech Haven looked so neat and clean. The workcrew began to work its way towards the Fallen Angels head office; the open area with several tables and a bunch of bald guys in blue shirts typing randomly on computers as if they were actually doing work.... sort of like Microsoft Employees (lawsuits from Microshaft can be sent to nerd_editor@idontcare.com).

However, all of a sudden, all hell broke loose as Megaman, bringer of death and destruction, and the snazziest dressed Smurf in all of Neocron broke through and stood before all of ASS.

He looked at them all, raised his left hand, snapped his fingers and pointed his index finger at them like a gun and said "Eyyyyy." Fonzy style.


Everyone wondered what horrible experience would follow, but he just stood there going "Eyyyy" for about 10 minutes straight. The tension was unbearable until suddenly Demon-surge and Torque leapt in behind Mega.
"Don't you fools know who he is??"
"Uhh... Megaman?" McDanish responded. For once his stating the obvious was relevant.
"Sh*t man, that ain't right," Torque yelled.
"Yeah man, he's not Megaman, hes THE Megaman."
"Ok so what do you want Mr. The Megaman?"
"I'm here to say.... Eyyyyy." People fell over anime style.
"You guys just don't realise what you're up against here," Demon-surge said, "Well let us explain it to ya..." and with that, Demon and Torque started moving around in perfect syncronisation, employing dance moves that made N'Sync look talented. And then it began...
"What...." Reef began.
"The...." Keyser continued.
"F...." everyone chimed in.

And thus began their musical performance
(The following lyrics are sung to the tune of the Spiderman TV series themesong. All Rights Reserved by NERD Publications.)

"Megaman, Megaman,
Kicks your ass just because he can.
Holds a gun, any size.
Crushes men like they were flies.
Watch out! Here comes the Megaman."

"Is he strong?
His armours blue.
Kicks your ass until your through.
Standing tall,
Gun in hand.
Filling chat with his uber spam.
Hey there! Here comes the Megaman."

"Like a killer true, he is there at the crime.
Your quickbelt in hand, he escapes just in time."

"Megaman, Megaman.
Nasty neighbourhood Megaman.
Will this man ever get bored?
Pk'ing is his reward.
That Right! He is The Megaman!!"

"Great unmerciful radiated fluffy poodles!!" Byron screamed, "That was the worst song since Oops I Did it again." (Runner Britney Spears in Plaza 3 started looking around as if someone had called her name.)
"Eyyyy... you don't mock my backup singers."
"They do backup for you too? Kill me now..." Warlock groaned.
"I'll do just that." and Mega lifted his Cursed Soul to his shoulder ready to annihilate all before him.
"Say goodbye and ....EYYYYY!!!!!"
"Why would I want to...." Warlock never finished that sentence as he saw what Mega had reacted to. There was Soulburner, latched onto Mega's Blue Power armour butt, humping away wildly.

"Guys, its a bit big, but this is just like a MechTurtle!!!"
"Hold still boss, we'll get him." But Megaman wasn't waiting. He ran off screaming at the horrifying feel of an ASS humping his ass. He made it all the way to Gaia before Soul was spent and fell off.
"Well that was.... disturbing."
"Let us never speak of it again."
And with that they all went back to work.

And so it was that at the end of 4 days, with only 38 casualties, 2 deaths and a sprained testicle (guess who that was), the former members of ASS completed the renovations of Tech Haven. The Council of Fallen Angels, unlike Reza's goons, actually paid up the agreed sum and the money pool was increased by 1 million nc.

After 29 days of continuous labour from all members of ASS, they had finally acquired all the funds they would need to get back into clan life. Though they had experienced the joys of being solo runners (poor communication lines, difficult to find anyone for a poke, no backup, no clan hq for collecting goods) they felt the could drag themselves back to clan life.

The question now was, what would they call it?

Until next time...

NERD Editor
18-03-03, 06:35
Oh and for your information, if anyones interested....

There is a soundfile of the Megaman Song actually being sung. There's no music but its still great. All credit goes to our dearly beloved Danae for lending NERD her vocal skills to record the song.

So if you want it, you'll have to start begging the right people for it.

NERD Editor
18-03-03, 07:03
LOL, well sorry Demon, didn't know that... I'll try to keep you from dancing anymore how's that? Honest I will.....

NERD Editor
18-03-03, 07:12
Well tbh I don't really know Psycho Killa too well so I didn't think I could do a decent parody of him.

If someone wants to tell me some stories about him or anyone else you think should be in there, PM me and I'll try to come up with something.

NERD Editor
18-03-03, 07:23
Ok folks, Issue 11 was the last I had stocked up so the issues will be a bit further apart then they have been (i.e. 11 issues in 3 days). It'll be more like 2 a week from here on out.

Oh and just so everyone knows, work has begun on the next song in Megaman's collection, done to Britney Spheres...erm... Spears' Baby One More Time "Kick Me GM One More Time." Danae is working tirelessly on the vocals and hopefully it'll be ready by the time the lyrics are posted in issue 12 or 13.

We're even hoping to have the Megaman CD availably by June (just kidding).

Ok, back to thinking up weird stuff to type....

NERD Editor
18-03-03, 08:14
At this point I think some credit is due:

Special thanks go out from NERD to:

Shadow, Murkster and the rest of System Shock. You guys have provided great fuel for this story and all my observations of your fights have shown you all to be tough ass bastids.

All of CRC: Particularly Demon-surge for their attacks on Tech Haven. You also have provided me with material to use throughout.

Blue Tech: To all in Blue Tech I thank you for letting me parodise your asses publicly and privately and for letting me bring the story to the NC forums for everyone else to enjoy.

Megaman: Dude, I don't care about anything else I've heard about you. You are one of the true 'personalities' of this game, and I'm glad you've been able to laugh it up as well.

Insideous Wolf/Ying: Another one of the undeniable personalities.... till he went too far. I always appreciated being able to talk with him when I could and for the interesting tales that always surrounded him.

The GameMasters: MoonUnit, CheapLoveMotel and the rest of team also get a big thanks, not only for being part of the story, but for their work in general.

Danae: Special thanks to Our Lady Danae for her vocal talents to bring the Megaman Song and the upcoming "Kick Me GM One More Time" song to life.

Cipher: Thanks also to Cipher for doing the edit work to put the latest song together.

On we go....

NERD Editor
18-03-03, 08:21
I believe Danae, Spikez, Megaman and Hurricane all have the song so far. Perhaps if you offer them Milky Rens etc they'll be nice :)

NERD Editor
18-03-03, 08:23
That's cause you didn't say 'Eyyyyy'.

Anyway, jump on IRC and go to #neocron. Chances are someone in there will have it.

NERD Editor
18-03-03, 08:36
Little tip I learned from Danae...

Say BOOBS!!!

Give them time, they're a shy bunch but eventually they remember where the keyboard is.

NERD Editor
19-03-03, 03:48
I've been delayed a bit by two things:

The first was putting together the pieces for the next song, which took up most of yesterday afternoon for me. The sheer fact that I had to listen to 'Baby One More Time' about a dozen times should be reason enough for you all to pity me...

The second was an irritation from Real Life wasting 6 hours of my time today...

But, I digress

Issue 12 I am hoping to have completed and posted in the next few hours.
Issue 13 will come out once the song is completed and I've stopped laughing at it.

Back to work, busy busy busy....

NERD Editor
19-03-03, 09:21
NERD Issue # 012

The Change: Part 5 - SODOM's EGOS?

Sitting in Club Veronique, a sole individual was sitting at a table. He was smoking a cuban, avoiding the light from the overhead lamps, and trying to get special 'sushi' from the Club Waitresses.
"I wants some good Sushi".
"Please sir, leave me alone."
"I will gets some good sushi..." and with that, he vanished from sight with the click of his fingers.

At long last the members of ASS had put together 12 million nc. They were exstatic about finally being able to put the clan back together.
"Yay, this is great." Lisa jumped for joy.
"I can't wait." Mako bounced around.
"It's makin' me wet." Eva was inappropriate again.
"BOOBIES!!!" Shodough screamed.
"Hmn... his terets is getting worse." Reef looked on at Shodough.
"I'll fix this." Warlock walked straight over to Shodough and nailed him squarely in the testicles with a pair of brassnucks, "Hows that Sho?"
".... GONADS!!!" and he collapsed to the floor, needing some healing feeling from the Monks.
"I think you went too far," Deo pointed out.
"...Anyway," Ithaqua interrupted Sho's girly wimpers, "have we come up with a clan name yet? ASS is out of date. We need something new... something sharp... something..."
"Nuts? What would it stand for?" Hurricane came racing in at that moment.
"Dudes, I don't feel safe here anymore."
"Why's that?" Ithy asked.
"Cause Megaman's standing in Tech Haven 2 singing Koombaya and the Security bots are doing the Hoki Poki around him. Look!"
And ASS looked...
And ASS was afraid...
And ASS changed factions.

Yes, far too many disturbing things had happened in Tech Haven (Mega's singing recital got even worse when he started doing the CanCan with the Security Bots). Though ASS had always found a place to resting place in TH, it was now time to move on. The recent good-paying employment from NEXT made the choice of a new faction easier.

Thus what had once been ASS of Fallen Angels, was now NUTS of NEXT. The new acronym was 'NEXT's Unqualified Technical Staff'. This essentially described their current position, as the clan was welcomed into NEXT and immediately put to work on a most important assignment.

* * * The Leaders of NEXT would like to offer a warm, welcoming hand to NUTS. We look forward to working closer with NUTS. Your first assignment is a major one. City Admin has finally finished their plans for a massive upgrade of the entire city. A fairly substantial oversight was noticed last year in the city's infrastructure. While Neocron possesses the largest and most sophisticated drainage system ever, it was noted that the city does not have any toilets with which to feed into that system. What this has meant for the personal hygiene of city runners is beside the point. NEXT wants NUTS to take on the project of installing Toilets into all Apartments immediately. * * *

And so NUTS pulled up their workpants and got to work installing Porcelain Thrones. Of course as everyone in Neocron knows, Porcelain is a thing of the past, a relic of the pre world war 3 days. NEXT supplied NUTS with Plastico's. Entirely plastic toilet bowls, that will never decompose, even when the contents of the bowl is.

First on the list was the Tangent clan apartments. NUTS wasn't sure why, but the guess was after the rumoured espionage work Tangent had done against BioTech recently, NEXT wanted to get a leg up on Tangent. And their leg up was to release their NUTS into their apartments.

Now at this point, one might be wondering why NEXT, a company dedicated to transport options, was fulfilling an infrastructure request. The truth was, with the release of the Y Replicants and growing hostilities from a growing enemy in the wastelands, City Admin had no time to deal with basic city maintenance. So the job had been outsourced to the lowest bidder, and NEXT had won the contract.

An added bonus had occured. SODOM's clan apartment needed the toilet upgrade, so workpapers in hand, McDanish, Shodough and Ithaqua began drilling in through the wall to begin the placement of their 'facilities'.
"Ok McD pass me the circular Lasersaw."
"I am passing you the circular Lasersaw."
"Stop stating the obvious."
"I am stopping stating the obvious."
"I am not a dumbass." McDanish replied.
"I said stop stating the.... oh wait, that wasn't obvious."

Finally the hole was made and Ithaqua climbed through the wall. He needed to announce himself to those in the apartment before they all went nuts and tried to frag him. He went over to the door and opened it slightly, to see how many were about. What he saw was this:

There was Murkster, Shadow and .cylon all standing around a bald headed Psi Monk. That Monk was MoonUnit. Ithaqua couldn't believe it. Why was Moon here, in private chambers with SODOM? Then he thought, maybe he's gonna lock their minds out and send them to Limbo for a while. But he noticed Moon was looking very twitchy and not himself. Lastly Ithaqua noticed the two female runners tied up on the floor. He decided to listen in.

"Alright Moon, have you got the goods?" Moon twitched a little more.
"Yeah... yeah I do. Here they are, 50 artifact 4 slotted Cursed Souls and 20 artifact Holy Lightnings." SODOM nearly soiled themselves.
"Excellent MoonUnit," Murkster said, "and as agreed, two servings of special 'sushi'. Rare breeds indeed. You have particular tastes." Ithaqua looked at the 'sushi'. He was even more shocked to see Danae, Mistress of all Neocron and Yen, long since thought lost from the Neocronian continent, after she decided to try and venture beyond the Heavy Radiation zones in a quest to find something better, were the two women tied up on the floor.
"Sweet (twitch) sushi (more twitching). Alright you can have the (twitch) stuff."
"Pleasure doing business with our now personal EGOS." SODOM started doing that weird group maniacal laughter they do so well, or poorly, depending on your perspective. Shodough came up behind Ithy trying to see what was going on.

All of a sudden a smashing came from the Clan apartments main door. Everyone inside jumped.
"Open Up SODOM. I'm Here For My Woman!!!" came a resounding voice. Danae looked up all excited.
"Crapzor, It's SpikeZ!!" The door gave way as Spikez smashed it down and marched into the room.
"Um... what are you thinking Spikez, you're hopelessly outnumbered." Shadow pulled his Cursed Soul and the others armed up as well. But suddenly SpikeZ removed the cover from the cage he was carrying. Everyone, MoonUnit included recoiled at the sight of the contents. It was a large drooling fluffy rabbit with big ears.
"DAMN!!! It's a KillerBunneH!!" .cylon yelled.
"No, Its TEH KILLERBUNNEH!!" And so it was, SpikeZ had cleverly kidnapped the KillerBunneh himself from his warren and brought him to the standoff. For those that don't know, TeH KillerBunneH is perhaps the single most powerful destructive force in all of Neocronian history. But details of that will have to come later...

Danae and Yen started wriggling round on the floor, sensing the hope of escape was getting stronger. But all of a sudden
"SEXAY!!! BOOTAY!!!" Shodough started screaming uncontrollably. SODOM spun round to face the NUTS in their would be bathroom.
"How'd you get in here?" They yelled.
"We're installing your toilet. I meant to say something but heard you talking." Ithy covered for them.
"Toilet? Dude, hurry up, I've been holding it in for 18 months now." Murkster replied.
"No wonder you always look constipated. How many times do I have to tell you, thats what the Outzone is for!!" said Shadow.
"Actually I always use Point Red..."
"Nah, there's all those guards now... so ..."
Now during this discussion of the best longdrops in Neocron, SpikeZ had made moves to free Danae and Yen. Suddenly MoonUnit, who when the door burst open had gone invisible re-appeared and startled him.
"I (twitch) can't let you (twitch) take them SpikeZ. I needs my 'sushi'."
"MOONUNIT!!! YOU SOLD US OUT!!! Have at thee traitor!" SpikeZ opened the cage, and TeH KillerBunneH went right for MoonUnits jugular. And no amount of Invincibility can protect you from TeH Bunneh. Moon was floored and could not move.
SODOM decided now was a good time to flee. They bolted for the broken apartment door and did not return for 3 days.

Danae and Yen were freed, Moon was allowed to sit up, under the careful watch of the Long Eared One, and Shodough was gagged from saying "NIPPLE!!!" all the time.
"So what do we do with him?" SpikeZ asked.
"MEH!!! I R TeH BunneH!! I will Munch on Yo ASS!!" The fluffy one nattered to itself.
"Let me deal with him." came a voice. Everyone looked around but could see no one. Then they spotted a Roach moving along the floor that suddenly transformed into Critter.
"I'll take MoonUnit from here folks." Critter stated.
"What will you do with him?" McDanish asked (after finally getting out of the wall).
"We shall take MoonUnit to the EGOS Re-education Centre. There he will undergo therapy for his addiction to 'sushi'"
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!" Moon screamed.
"NIPPLE!!!" Shodough had removed his gag.

And so it was that MoonUnit was taken away into the care of the other EGOS. His addiction to 'sushi' had driven him to desparate acts, including getting involved in the affairs of runners daily lives, kidnapping and attempted BunneH abuse.

NUTS finished the work on SODOM's bathroom and left. SpikeZ and Danae got back to gettin' jiggey. Yen disappeared once again. SODOM had to hold it for another 3 days. TeH BunneH is still at large.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
19-03-03, 20:32
NERD strives to bring you, the valued reader, the truth, the whole truth, and only the truth thats funny.

And last issue was a very special issue for good ol' Nerd Editor. I've been running around Neocron looking for a toilet for almost 2 years now and I'm still holding it.

Now many would ask "Hey Lae...err... NERD Editor, why don't you just do what we do and go take a crap in the Outzone?"

Well my friends, here's the shocking truth. A private discussion I had in BED (Biotech Ecology Division) gave me an insight into why that is a bad idea.

For you see, when you go out to Outzone, find a nice little corner, take a squat and do your business, it may seem like you've done no harm. But the radiation and toxins out there have some weird effects. If you were to return some 9 weeks later you would discover your Turd has developed basic motor skills. A few weeks after that and its crawling around. And a full 4 months after that, the piece of crap you discarded has mutated fully into an Aggressor or Mutant Soldier and is looking to kill the Asshole that made it (no pun intended).

So the next time your legs are crossed twice over and you need to go, remember, you're adding to the mutant problem. Wait for NUTS to finish work on your toilet.

Thank you for your attention.

NERD Editor
20-03-03, 05:10
Sorry about that 'where mutants come from' story. It was 5:30 am when i started writing that... probably wasn't advisable....


Thanks to those who've made their replies, thanks to the some 2,800 views received since Saturday and thanks to those who've spammed my ingame mailbox as well.... like I didn't get enough mail.

I am seriously endeavouring to complete Issue # 13 in the next few hours and get it up here along with Danae's latest vocal contribution to the Megaman CD. Once I come up with a few more gags I should be able to get it done.

Anywho... back to work

(Also, later on I'll drop a few background notes in so some of you who are less familiar with Pluto etc can know what inspired this insanity).

NERD Editor
20-03-03, 07:30
(Once again I throw this disclaimer in. Nothing in NERD is to be taken seriously. While it comes from rumours and events that have happened ingame, nothing written here is real. So any mention of guys doing bad things is not to be taken as an accusation, I'm just messing around here...)

NERD Issue # 013

Forbidden Technology

It had been slow going, but NUTS was finally getting a decent speed going on the toilet installations. Already the apartments in Plaza 4, Via Rosso 2 and a few in Pepper Park 3 had been lavatory upgraded, lemon fresh (or what passed for lemon these days).

There was some debate over whether NUTS would be performing the upgrade on Lionn Reza's private apartment, but for now, they had enough work to be carrying on with.

Today, Hurricane, McDanish and Shodough were continuing the upgrades in Pepper Park 2. They'd just finished working on a smaller apartment and had decided to take in some lunch at the nearby store.

"Hang on guys, I'll pay today. Lemme just dump some stuff in my goguardian." Hurricane said.
"Great, thanks man." McDanish replied.
"Sweet... SUCKER!!!.... man." Shodough responded.

Hurricane walked over to the goguardian and began sorting through his stuff to put inside. However, unbeknownst to Hurricane but knownst to us, 3 shady characters were standing by a retro revival jukebox that was playing the 'Happy Days' theme.
"Eyyyy... check this out guys." Megaman reached into his backpack.
"Mega, man what you got there?" Torque tried to peek.
"A Forbidden Technology." he replied. Torque and Demon both looked at him in awe.
"Dude, where'd you get that?" Demon asked.
"Never mind, check it..." and with that Megaman pulled out.... a pair of pants.
"...Mega, its a pair of XXXL pants man, what are you on?"
"Shut up and learn." Megaman pointed the pants at the goguardian and waited...

Hurricane decided that he should put his piles of tech parts in the goguardian. Some of the piles were getting very large and heavy. So he started depositing them into the gogo....

...and when he saw Hurricane putting stuff in the gogo, he reached into the pants and began pulling tech parts out of them.
"Dude, whats going on?" Demon looked quizzical.
"The Pants make a dimensional rip into the goguardian system and allow me to take his stuff. Cool huh?" Megaman took everything Hurricane put into the goguardian. When Hurricane stopped, he put the pants down.

Hurricane turned to go, but realised he needed that last Mutant rifle back to pay for lunch. He went back to the goguardian, but found none of the stuff he just put in it. Horrified, Hurricane quickly acted. He began the Dance of Summoning, that which can gain the attention of an EGOS. The dance is... difficult to describe. (however its roughly like what Fred Durst does in every Limp Bizkit Music video, but you look more constipated.)

But there was no need for the Dance of Summoning. EGOS had been watching ever since someone stole CoDi's pants. They decided to go with the 'light from above' entrance with the Hallelujiah chorus blasting through the city speakers. And down decended... CheapLoveMotel and MoonUnit.

"Wow, MoonUnits out of rehab already?" McDanish pondered.
"Greetings to you all." CheapLoveMotel said in a nice pleasantly calm voice.
"EGOS...RUN!!!" Demon yelled. He took 2 steps when he heard a lot of 'lock and load' sounds. He paused and turned to look at CheapLoveMotel, who had now bristled extra arms and each one was packing a very large gun.
"Y'ALL SIT YER ASSES DOWN OR I WILL CAP YO SORRY ASSES!!!" They sat down, even the ones he wasn't threatening.
"Thats more like it. I loves me guns... LUVS ME GUNS." And CLM started stroking his guns in an almost... well we won't go there. MoonUnit twitched a little.
"So what'chu want Eyyyy?"
"Ok MoonUnit, remember what we talked about. Take it slow and deal with them." CLM went back to mastur...to loving his gun.
"Megaman, you have used a Forbidden Technology. You are well aware of the consequences for such actions." MoonUnit said.
"I serve you 'sushi' and keep the pants?" Moon twitched.
"THATS IT!!! You are so outta here!" Moon prepared to kick Mega's mind out of his body.
"Go ahead." Megaman responded.
"Wha..." Moon looked at him funny.
"Not clear enough, here, I'll make it easy for ya. Boys!!" And with that, Megaman broke into a musical interlude...

(The Following Song "Kick Me GM One More Time" is done to the tune of "Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears. Vocals provided by Danae Recording Studios. Editing by Hurricane Turntables Inc. Lyrics and Publishing by NERD, a subsidiary of LaeminCorp. All Rights Reserved)

To listen to the song, you can download it here: Kick Me GM One More Time (http://www.twistedspoon.net/megaparody/megamanbs.mp3)

(Torque on his electric keyboard starts hammering keys)
"Oh GM GM....
(Demon-Surge on his kiddy drum set)
Oh GM GM....
(Megaman starts dancing, pointing his power armour pecs at everyone thinking this will gain ratings).
Oh GM GM, how was I supposed to show?
I didn't hack my healthbar?
Oh GM GM, I shouldn't have let, you know...
My Cursed Soul is a cloner.

I'm L33t, no its not a speed cheat
Tell me GM, who's the guy who narked because...

My Uberness is not a cheat.
And I,
I must confess, I am so l33t.
Still so l33t.
When you're not watching, its ganking time,
It's not a Crime!!
Kick Me GM One More Time.

Oh GM GM, I just need to kill this foo
I'll soon have him cryin.
To beat some newbies, there's nothing that I wouldn't do...
But Sh*t, you must have seen it.

Show me, how you're gonna screw me.
Don't just send me to the loading screen because....

15 Monks aren't killing me,
and i
I must digress, I need to pee.
Need to Pee.
NC is lagging so Now I'll find,
Dupes all the Time...
Kick Me GM One More Time.

Oh GM GM, Eyyyyyyyyy

(Torque gets nice piano solo now)
(Megaman starts pouting and trying to look sad and innocent)

Ohh GM GM, how was I supposed to know?
Oh my red soullight is really starting to show

I must confess, that my haxxorness
Is banning me now,
Cause I know i must believe
That you will not hear
About all my crimes!!!
Kick Me GM One More Time!!!

My Haxxorness is banning me
and i
I must confess, I still believe
still believe
When you're not watching its warping time
I've stepped out of Line
Kick Me GM One More Time..... Eyyy...."

(Note: GM is another term for EGOS, referring to their GhostMode)

"OHHH MY FREAKING HELL!!!!" CheapLoveMotel leaped up and hailed fire. Megaman was oddly enough unharmed, Torque and Demon-surge were gibbed in seconds. MoonUnit began the mindkick when Megaman hauled out his Cursed Soul and fired a shot. It slammed into MoonUnits shoulder and he recoiled.
"What the... my invincibility isn't working??"
"Ohh no, he's loaded his Cursed Soul with LAG rounds!!!" CheapLoveMotel yelled (LAG: Lethal Anti GM). Megaman opened fire full auto at MoonUnit. MoonUnit acted quickly and bent time and space before him sending the shots flying over to his side. Unfortunately the shots flew directly towards Hurricane and pounded him into oblivion. His melting corpse fell to the ground.
"Oh My Lionn, they Killed Hurricane." McDanish stated the obvious.
"YOU BASTIDS!!!" Shodoughs Terets kicked in.
"Woops, soz." MoonUnit and Megaman said in unison.
"NP." Hurricane's corpse responded.
"He's talking while he's dead!! Temp kick!!" CLM sent Hurricane's flaming corpse into limbo for five minutes. MoonUnit remembered how to do his job right and snapped his fingers. Megaman's eyes glazed over as he fell to the ground, his mind locked out for a week.
"Yay!! I remember now. I'm good at this stuff."
"So you're ok? Not addicted to 'sushi' anymore?" CLM asked.
"Oh I'm still addicted, I just remembered this," Moon snapped his fingers and 28 strippers instantly appeared around him, "Ohhh yeah."

Until next time...

NERD Editor
20-03-03, 08:16
LOL, me hopes you don't have LAG rounds....

Anyway, as I've said before, if you think you, your clan or someone else should have a character added to the NERD universe, send me a PM via the boards with some names and info and I'll see what I can come up with.

NERD Editor
20-03-03, 08:50
Gahhh... ease up folks. Not one hour has passed since the last one... I do have other duties around this game to attend to you know.

Anywho, I've decided to take a page out of MJS's book with the planfiles and mention a few upcoming points for future NERD's.

- The introduction of Derisor as a cameo appearance whenever I deem it necessary.
- An upcoming tale about TeH KillerBunneH's secret Warren. A must read
- Some vindication for the CRC boys who apparently don't play musical instruments or dance. Hence they can do barbershop quartets from now on (jokes, I'll come up with something though).
- More EGOS. We already have the incompetent Laemin, the washed out MoonUnit and the redneck gun toting CheapLoveMotel as recurring characters. Critter and some of the others will start to appear soon.
- "A Tale of Two Newbies" the true horrors of being a newbie revealed.
- Lionn Reza (I'll figure out how to spell his name right one day). I've had to scrap a few character designs for him due to recent world politics, but once I've got him figured out, the enigmatic mofo shall appear.
- And last but not least, the MJS guest appearance. I'm a little worried about that one (in case I end up getting fired the next day) but hey, thats never stopped me before.
- New clan name for SODOM and a shake up for NUBI.

I'm also debating heavily whether to start working on a 60 page or so short story (yes 60 pages is a short story) as my personal introduction to Dome of York. However to do that might mean NERD production would drop off sharply, so I probably won't (unless I get a really good idea that haunts me day and night stopping me from eating, sleeping and goofing off).

Back to my Tae Bo....

NERD Editor
21-03-03, 10:38
lol Vash. But don't you know, in 30 years time when you say that, the kids will look at you funny cause you keep pointing at a keyboard and monitor and saying, "I played Neocron on that." and they'll be all "WTF? You didn't get to walk around in the virtual world? Well what about when you got injured? Didn't the neural connections give you shocks?" and you'll end up looking even more out of date than you actually are.

Well you'll all have to forgive the lack of a NERD tonight (NOOO they all scream and try to lynch me) but I had not the energy nor the creativity to do a good one. Especially as I've posted 13 in 5 days already.

The recording studio for the songs is closed this weekend due to Hurricane Turntables being offline for a little while. Nonetheless, more songs and stories will be written over the weekend and if luck prevails I can have another one ready soon.

My thanks to those who've PM'ed me with little details and stories for use in NERD, I look forward to more in the future.

Anywhy, off I go to bring you more of NERD, the coolest thing since the underside of a pillow and more sophisticated than the lock on Bill Gates' wallet.

NERD Editor
21-03-03, 12:21
Hmn.... that could be egg on my face actually.

Fortunately this is all total fiction so ballz ups like that are allowable, but its good to see people are up on the plotline (quickly hauls out the manual again and starts reading up).

NERD Editor
21-03-03, 13:52
NERD Issue # 014

A Canyon of JERK's

"Let the Council of SODOM come to order." Murkster began.
"Our first order of business. Our mortal enemies in ASS have treacherously moved over to NEXT. Tangent High Command has stated that we may not touch them." Agent K pointed out.
"Noo!! I cannot allow this! I will never, EVER forgive ASS." Shadow spat.
"NUTS." .cylon pointed out.
"Whatever body part they're calling themselves. I will have my revenge." SODOM was grunting and cheering in approval.
"Umm... do you even remember why you're so angry at them?" One of the newer recruits asked. All of a sudden, the members of SODOM got glazed looks as they all simultaneously entered 'The Flashback Zone'...

It was a bright summers morning. The flying roaches were out in force, the dragonflies were multiplying by the thousands near the waters edge. And along skipped Murkster, happy as can be to be out in the southern wastes. He skipped along towards Tyron Factory where he had a special suprise waiting for him. Murkster was in the prime of his life. He was 17 and loving it. His voice hadn't picked an octave yet and his skin was fleshing red sores like he'd spent too much time in the heavy radiation zones. And today, he was going to his secret stash of 'Hazard Weed'. That special blend of Northern Wasteland weed and Hazard Worm extract that nuked the mind for days.

Murkster arrived at his secret stash and found the crate he always left it in. He overturned it, only to find.... NOTHING!! His secret stash was not so secret anymore, and now it was gone! He looked left, looked right, looked down and then looked up and saw the giant cloud of smoke. He followed the suspicious cloud to its source, only to find a 22 year old ReefSmoker doing his part for Wasteland pollution.

Agent K had just joined the Tangent Technologies Security force at the tender age of 19. Eager to serve, but disinclined to die, he had invested some of the money he'd earned working parttime at WacNadalds into armour and bonenforcements. Now he needed some implant work done. So along he went to the Poke Central of the World; Plaza 1. There he looked around for someone to implant his new bonenforcements. After a time he came across Gully Foyle, a mature 27 year old man with a long history of fine pokage work. So he contracted for the work to be done. Now, in those days, one had to undergo a fairly heavy dose of anaesthetic before having ones skeleton removed, so Foyle administered the standard dose of anaesthetic (3 clubs to the back of the head with a baseball bat) and began work.

Agent K awoke groggily and had to crawl to the recreation unit, unable to stand. He figured it must be the weight of the new bones that kept making him topple over forwards. Eventually he activated the recreation unit and his neural activity began to clear up. His eyes focused, strength returned and he was able to stand up. He turned to look at the nearby mirror. At first it didn't quite register, but then it did. He ripped his shirt off and stared bug eyed at his chest.

Shadow was at that curious age when all he really wanted was girls. And today it looked like he was gonna get just that. He'd found a sexy young woman and pulled her aside near the ASG in Plaza 4.
"Hey babey, you roxxor my world. Whats about a show huh?" Shadow suggested.
"Tee Hee, you're so nasty. I'll show you mine if you show me yours." The young woman replied.
"Sweet deal!!" And with that Shadow hauled his pants down to his ankles and bared all. The young woman burst into roars of laughter, and then as she blinked her head made clicking sounds.
"Thanks for the screenshots DUMBASS!!" Evangelion took off, still laughing and went to publish her screenies in the next Neocronicle.
"I ... I ... I WANNA GET SOME!!! oh yeah... AND I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!"

The glazed looks passed by and all the Megatron wannabe's came back to their senses.
"Wha...what was that?" Murkster squealed. Then he remembered he had bass in his voice now.
"I think we just got timewarped." Shadow replied. A unanimous 'Ohhh' came up from those present.
"So... anyway, what do we do now?" Agent K, like everyone else now had a renewed desire to punish their enemies. Shadow looked at all of SODOM and said:
"We will crush all NUTS!!!" Giant red subtitles slammed down below Shadow saying "CONTROVERSIAL STATEMENT". All of SODOM looked pained.

2 days later, an uproar was heard inside the psi module vendors hovel in Twilight Guardians. X happened to be passing by and looked in. There he saw Shadow beating seven shades of shampoo out of the vendor and demanding cash immediately.
"Hey hey hey... what do you think you're doing to ... your own vendor?" X noticed the Twilight Guardians tags Shadow was now wearing. "Dude, I've not seen you before. Who are you?"
"I'm a JERK!!!" Shadow responded. X looked around the busted up shop.
"Yes I can see that, now who are you?"
"I said I'm a JERK!!!"
"Ohh kay, I think we've established your attitude, but ... oh forget it." X and Shadow came to blows over the confusion and tried to kill each other. Shadow won only because at one point during the fight, X fired off a shot from his Malediction Fusion Cannon which narrowly missed Shadow, pulled a Magic Bullet and managed to kill 3 guards (off the cliffside, through the window, past the guards, nothing but dead). His soullight plummeted and all the TG guards opened fire upon him.
"DAMN IT!!!" And he cursed the day he ever bought a Hit-Me-Sure cannon from The Constructor.

And so it was that JERK (Jerikko to Eastgate Resident Killers) made known their dominating precence in Twilight Guardians. A new day dawned in the Twilight (umm.. hang on that don't make any sense) and the Guardians went on the Offensive (where are these contradictions in terms coming from??). JERK's launched an immediate assault on NEXT personnel. JERK's kicked NUTS right where it hurts. The operation was unexpected and swift, and NUTS bled as a result (the author has a pained look on his face).

Victorious JERK's returned to their new home. Upon arriving at their new clan apartment, Shadow screamed.
"What, what is it?" .cylon asked
"Look!!!" He yelled.
"Dude I told you to go before we left Neocron." Murkster told him off. For it was at this point that they realised... Twilight Guardians don't have toilets.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
24-03-03, 07:32
Err... thank you. I don't know what PIE is, but I'll take it anyway.

Having taken most of the weekend to ice my fingers and recover from last weeks post-a-thon, I now return once again to hammer this forum with the only newspaper in Neocron that brings you what you really want - nothing but crap.

So sit tight because Issue (erm... *counts on fingers*....) 015 will be out shortly.

NERD Editor
24-03-03, 09:09
NERD Issue # 015

Canadians: They Walk Among Us

It was about 0400 hours in Tech Haven Sector 2. Not the busiest time the Citadel of Technology had, but hardly empty either. A few members of Technocracy were walking their patrol routes, as the self proclaimed Protectors of Tech Haven. Only a few of them were out and about at this time. The ever busy DX Defender being the most noteworthy. As Defender walked the corridors, he spotted something strange. Two legs were stuck out from behind the bartenders area near the genereps, and seemed to be being dragged away. Defender, neither fearing gravity nor that imminent snapping noise, leaped from the balcony and landed on the ground level (only a minor fracture, nothing a piece of dead rat won't cure). He walked towards where the legs had been slowly, fingering his sidearm in case combat should be in his future. The closer he got, the louder a series of repetitive grunting sounds got. All of a sudden Defender relaxed. Now he was sure it was just Soulburner, having decided to come up from NEXT HQ to visit, having some of his 'fun'. Probably with a poor mechturtle that tried to escape from the Cores.
"Soul, seriously, theres a time and place for that sort of thi...." Defender stepped round the corner, but did not find Soulburner. Instead he was faced with several new faces. He grabbed his gun again.
"Who are you, identify yourselves." Defender demanded.
"Who are we? You should know us by now..." Torque responded.
"Oh its just Megaman's backup dancers." Defender sighed relief.
"Yeah right, and does Megaman know you're out by yourselves? He'll get angry." Defender joked with them.
"We're through with Megaman." Twitch yelped, then darted behind a chair.
"Really? What happened?" Defender asked. All of a sudden everyone got a glazed look on their face...

Demon-surge and Torque were once again standing around the jukebox. Megaman was playing 'Happy Days' for the 1700th time when he shot the jukebox to bits and looked at his boys.
"Guys, I got some bad news." Megaman said quietly.
"Whats wrong Mega? You just got your mind back, after Moon kicked you. What could be wrong?" Demon-surge asked.
"Well guys it goes like this...."

(The Following Song "WorldPay" is done to the tune of 'Yesterday' by The Beatles. Vocals by Danae and Editing by Hurricane Turntables. The song file will be available shortly. Lyrics by NERD, a subsidiary of LaeminCorp, All Rights Reserved.)

"Yesterday.... my mailbox had a bill from WorldPay.
Now I know that if I want to stay,
I must get cash by This Sunday..."

Suddenly.... my gametime ain't what it used to be.
Now the managers' hanging over me.
I shouldn't be, on IRC

Why... am... I so broke, I don't know, I couldn't say....
Oh, sh*t, now I know, its the porn from Yesterday."

Yesterday, 'love' was such an easy game to play.
Porno mags I need to hide away,
A tonne of cash, I threw away...

Now... I'm...stuck right here, working for my measly pay...
Some... one... help me out, I can't stay in this Subway.

Yesterday, Neocron was such an easy game.
All my enemies would run away.
Soon I'll play, like Yesterday."

Megaman almost had a tear in his eye. These strange events were happening to him in the Realm of the Real, and his crossover to the Neocron realm was to be interrupted. He looked to Demon and Torque for moral support, but found them snoring away. Apparenlty the song had worked like a sedative. Megaman became furious and went to slay his former associates, but the anomaly occured and Megaman was dragged into the terrifying Realm of the Real by the omnipotent powers of the collective known as WorldPay (remember boys and girls, don't ever mess with Worldpay, or you two will be singing this song).

And so it was that the musical trio turned into a solo group. Torque and Demon-surge thought long and hard about what they were gonna do next. And then it struck them. With 5 of their other associates, they formed a clan, under the banner of the Black Dragons.

...the glazed looks passed on and everyone returned to normal.
"Damn timewarps..." Anti PK muttered.
"The Timewarps are out to get us man!!" Twitch hid behind a stack of boxes. Everyone ignored him.
"So again I ask, who are you now?" Defender resumed his talk.
"We," Demon struck a proud pose, "are the Corpse Ra..." he never finished as a bolt of Lightning smashed through the ceiling and into the floor. The lightning then reformed into a physical being, that of the almighty Odin.
"CRAPP!!!" Defender was stunned at the sudden turn of events.
"What is it?" Corrosion yelled.
"We're all doomed dudes, Its DEVS!!!" Twitch wet himself and hid behind a manhole cover.
"Whats a DEVS?" Torque asked.
"Not a DEVS, The DEVS. Deity's Encouraging Violent Society. They're the creators of our world. Through violence, they're 'Building Better Worlds' (Giant red subtitles slam down "SHAMELESS PROMOTION, KK").
"Encouraging violent society? How, they done something cool?" Torque asked again.
"Yeah dude, first they made the world, then they let us slag it with the Cleansing Light." Demon replied.
"Pffft, thats nothing, anyone can make a world. They do anything violent?"
"They developed the NERF Cannon." At this, Torque's knees started to shake.

For those of you who don't know, the NERF cannon is a horrible weapon that DEVS use on entire classes when they think they're doing too well in society. A sort of social justice by basically blowing their balls off and turning what was once an all powerful class of society into a bunch of kindergarten teachers with baseball bats. Beware the NERF cannon, it may be aimed at YOU next.

"You are CRC?" Odin finally got to ask.
"Dudes, Odin's gonna kill us all, He's gonna nerf me bad.... Noooo" Twitch started convulsing in the corner.
"Shut up." Odin growled.
"Oh man, I'm too young to get nerfed... Nooo, noooooooo"
"I SAID SHUT UP!" the halls of TH rumbled, "I R Odin. I R l337."
"Actually Mr. Odin sir, its 'I AM Odin. I am elite.'," Vaylen jumped in here, "I think you'll find thats much better." Odin just stared at Vaylen for a very long time.
"Ohhh...kay.... I AM Odin. I AM elite. And if You Interrupt me again I'm gonna shove my NERF cannon up your peehole, got it?" Vaylen did not speak again for some weeks.
"Now, again I ask, are you CRC?"
"Yeah baby, we're the Corpse Ra..." Odin suddenly transported all of CRC to their clan apartment before they could finish the sentence.
"I am here to stop you from using that name." Odin spoke once the warping was complete.
"WHAT?? WHY???"
"Because it hath offended The DEVS. Further it is... is..." Odin stopped talking as he looked around the clan apartment. What he beheld was the most clean apartment ever. Not just clean and tidy, but clean as in sterile and without defect.
"Its... its true isn't it, you really are.... YOU'RE CANADIANS!!!!" Odin screamed.

Now NERD brings to you a lesser known fact about World War 3. As history has stated, the initial missile strikes hit London and Germany and then proceeded to wipe the floor with the rest of the world. But what was never mentioned was that three times as many missiles were launched at the country formerly known as Canada. For as everyone knows, all nuke users hate clean people. And Canadians are very, very clean. It was also believed that in a post apocalyptic world, the Canadians would be the ones to clean up the mess. Thus anarchists have always sought to destroy any that have shown 'Canadian' tendencies since WW3. To find Canadians in this day and age is almost unheard of.

"Yeah Odin, thats what I've been trying to tell you. We're the Corpse Rap..." again Demon was cut off as Odin pulled his NERF cannon and blasted CRC right in their ID's.
"Aaaahhh!! What did you do?" Twitch screamed.
"Check your ID's now. You shall not bear that name ever again." Odin stated. Sure enough, they were now the Corpse [censored by the DEVS] Canadians.
"Noooo. Odin you must PAY!!!" All of CRC pulled their weapons and opened fire on Odin, who instantly disappeared. Their fire flew into an adjoining room where a scream could be heard. CRC looked forward to see a NUTS Toilet crew in there, one of which had absorbed all the firepower.
"I'm in an extraordinary amount of pain..." Hurricane groaned before he died.
"Oh my Lioon, They killed Hurricane." McDanish was there too.
"YOU BASTIDS!!!" why people keep bringing Shodough along is beyond reckoning.
"Oooh, a corpse!" Demon looked on with lust in his eyes and drool on his chin.
"Uhhh... Odin, little help?" Hurricane asked.
"You're talking while dead again, Temp Kick!" Odin booted Hurricane to limbo again.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
25-03-03, 08:29
Heh, ok guys, I'll leave you to your personal 'issues'. Anyway, CRC have given me a few more ideas for storylines, so congratulations, you're now the official Black Dragons clan for NERD.

The Megaman jukebox continues to grow, and if you have a request for a song you think might be good, PM me via the boards. (I've been told by the vocalist that no raps will be accepted as there's no way she can pull that off, and all of us have agreed that there will be no more Britney parodies as having to listen to them to write the parody is causing mental trauma).

So, off I go to complete hopefully another NERD before too long. A quick word of warning, there will be one or two serious stories at some point, as we get closer to Dome of York, to try and set a little mood. Hopefully I can pull off a little drama, but if not just flame me and I'll stop (Lisa Davitt looks up into Shodough's eyes, bleeding internally "I don't think I'm gonna make it *cough* you go on without me.... "BOOBIES".... no, I may be over my head here...)

Anyway, back to bringing you NERD, with more chesthairs than a monkey and half the tablemanners of one too.

NERD Editor
25-03-03, 11:51
Oi.... the use of stupid acronyms is MY JOB!!!

Anyway, it is not my intention to turn NERD into a muscial (NERD's on Broadway...hmn....) but rather to just have the occasional stupid tune you can love or hate as you feel like.

That in mind, I'm hoping to have both Issue 16 "You've Been Derizor'd" and Issue 17 "A Tale of Two Newbies" out within the day (as the Realm of the Real will be screwing up my writing schedule the day after that).

Off I go once again....

NERD Editor
26-03-03, 10:22
NERD Issue # 016

You've Been Derizor'd

Vain, Lisa Davitt, Trillian and Evangelion were standing around in Pepper Park 1. Today was their day off from toilet installation work, and they were wondering what they should do.
"What shall we do?" Lisa asked.
"You said that already." Trillian said.
"No I didn't. The narrator did."
"Ohh...." Trillian looked around pointlessly for me...err the narrator.
"I say we go kill some JERK's!" yelled Lisa. Trillian, her identical twin jumped up in agreement.
"No, we should Neofrag." Vain suggested.
"Kill JERK's," Lisa retorted.
"Guys, I know how we can settle this," Eva began, "lets just have a poll..." Lisa, Trillian and Vain all recoiled back in horror from Eva.
"What? What did I say?"
"You Idiot! You called for a poll, don't you know what that means?" All of a sudden, a rumbling could be heard. They all looked around, the copbots started fidgeting, and nearby onlookers started to worry. Then, crashing through everything in his path, a runner came charging in from Pepper 2 directly towards them. He ground his heels to the floor and skidded to a stop right in front of them.
"Did someone say... poll?" And there he was. Derizor, Overlord of the Poll. Lisa, Vain and Trillian knew of him all to well, Eva was about to find out. With an artificial grin on his face, he slung an arm over Evas shoulder (and tried to cop a feel at the same time) and said to her.
"So, you're trying to decide what to do now, huh?" the grin never left his face, "not sure what to do? Well thats ok, I'm here to help, so lets play...." and all of a sudden the set of a cheezy 20th century gameshow slammed down around them "... You've Been Derizor'd" Cheers from the audience were heard. The 4 NUTS wondered where they'd all come from. The four of them were seated behind a bench, on stools with a glass each and a jug full of what from the outside appeared to be water, but was actually just painted on for show. They each had a microphone in front of them and a scantily dressed Mutant girl standing behind them for... no particular reason. Derizor was standing behind his podium on the opposite side of the stage. Between them was a big board with neon lights that showed the two choices. At present it showed no votes for either side. Then there was the crowd and a few guys working camera's as all this was broadcast around Neocron.

"Ladies and GenTanks (forced laughter), I mean gentlemen ahahaha (cheezy laughter). Welcome to another edition of /You've Been Derizor'd' (more forced laughter, strangely similar to the one before). Today we have 4 NUTS. They're having a dilemma (awwww's from the crowd). Yes, they can't figure out what to do today. But we know how to help them, don't we folks? (cheers come from the crowd). Could our 4 contestants please introduce themselves..." Derizor turned to look at contestant number 1.
"Hi, I'm Evangelion," the other 3 were panic stricken. They'd seen a few broadcasts of this show and did NOT want to be a part of it. Unfortunately, the comfy stools they sat on also came with metaxylim enhanced shackles. They were going to have to endure it. Eva finished her introduction to applauds and the other 3 reluctantly did theirs.
"Ok, folks. Here's the rules. Each of you will get a chance to try and persuade our studio audience (yet another very similar cheer) and the folks out there to pick your choice. Then we'll take calls from out there and get some feedback on what Neocron thinks 'You should Do!! ahahaah" Derizor leaned to the side and took a shot of Whiteflash away from the camera's. You can't force this kind of cheezyness without being at least a bit doped.

All of Neocron was affixed to their screen. Though no one wanted to BE on the show, when the show was on, it was one of the most captivating experiences going. People were crowded around CityTerms and display boards everywhere.

"Ok Vain.... lets hear your thoughts. Why do you think you should Neofrag."
"Well Der, I feel that..." he got cut off.
"Don't call me Der. I am, DERIZOR!"
"yeah, so ok then, thats peachy keen for you. Anyway..." Derizor almost lost his grin, "I think we should Neofrag cause it makes us better for when we fight JERK'S!" The crowd grunted and the ratings went up another 5 points. "And I think its better cause I don't have to trapse my ass across the world to find some JERK's." (more grunts, 2 more points on the ratings).
"Okay, so lets look at the board and ...WOAH!!! Seems Neocron agrees with you Vain, we've got 28 votes saying you should Neofrag, and only 4 votes for fighting JERK's. Lets hear from some of our voters..." A crackly line kicks in as a runner's direct message gets beamed through the speakers. "Hello, and who is this?"
"Hi, this is pepsi. I'd just like to say that Neocron rocks man. You should definitely go there and tune your skills."
"Thank you pepsi. Your vote was appreciated. Next caller...."
"I R L337 Precious, UZ SUXX. RIZOR SUXX. I SHUD RUN DIS SHOWS, yes precious.... NEOFRAG SUX. I PWNS UZ AL......" Sid got cut off there.
"Well one of our long time listeners, often time callers and never usefull runners there folks, Insidious Wolf. You have been disconnected for (big red Subtitles) DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR. Thank you, call again." Derizor takes another shot os some suspect substance "Okay, that was exciting. Lets hear from the blondes now."
"Well," the two 'sisters' started giggling as only blondes can, "we feel that fighting JERK's is better for you because its the real thing, and gives a greater feeling of accomplishment." Resounding cheers and catcalls.
"Well thank you and ...WOAH!!!! Seems Neocron loves its blondes too. Look at that rating climb. Now its 298 votes to 38 in favour of kicking some JERK ass. Who will win this poll? Who will get their way? And who will Get DERIZOR'D!! We'll take a short commercial break and be right back." Derizor ran offstage and started injecting stuff into every open vein he could find....

>>>>> Commercial Break <<<<<<

This Friday, 2100 hours Neocron standard, a very special show is about to take place. From the Higher Plane of Existence comes Ice Angel and Ayreon, the duet you've been waiting for. Yes, City Admin in association with the Concentre proudly brings to you 'Great At Yoddling' a muscial symphony for your cultural pleasure. Two EGOS that are out of this world. Make sure to book early at your local Archer & Wessons for Tickets to EGOS: They're GAY (Great At Yoddling).....

The previous advertisement has been removed for reconstruction. We thank you for your time and suggest you forget everything you just heard.

BioTech is pleased to announce a breakthrough in personal enhancement. Using a highly encrypted section of the Ceres Discs that has only just been decoded, we have developed an implant just for our female customers.
Highly popular in the late 20th century and early 21st, these amazing implants will allow all you ladies out there to defy the laws of gravity and all known physics. YES! Your chest can stand out from your chest so you can't get through doors, make clothes fit poorly and give your chest that overall unnatural look you've been dying to have. Sizes range from 'i just want my husband to stop eyeing up my sister' to 'you said my head is too big, well now my bust is bigger' all the way through to 'you're now living in JUMBO VISION!'. See your local Crytons for more details.

>>>>>> Commercial Break Ends <<<<<

"Ok folks we're back. Now who will win our poll? Its an exciting time so lets..." a section of the set exploded and Crono stepped through the debris.
"Derizor... I've come to stop your evil voting tyrrany."
"Crono... my arch nemesis. You can't stop me! My will shall be done! I decide the winners of polls, not the people... oh wait, I'm still live." an uproar went up across the land as people realised that Derizor rigged the polls! No matter how right the other side was, no one could win if they didn't agree with Derizor. Crono went to attack Derizor.
"Not so fast Crono. One step further and I'll drop your friends into a pit of Sewer Flies!" All of a sudden EGOS Laemin warps in.
"NOOOO. They'll like, lay eggs in your head and other orifices and it'll just be ... wrong." and then he disappeared again (big red subtitles slam down "POINTLESS CAMEO APPEARANCE")
"Damn, you got me by the short and curlies Derizor..." Crono grumbled.
"Muahahahaah, I am Teh Derizor. I decide who.... ooohhhhh." All of a sudden all of Derizor's drugs wore off and he couldn't even see his hand. He tried to reach for the button but ended up doing a zigzag walk off the stage. Crono needed no further encouragement. He got his friends off the seats, pushed the button and shoved Derizor into the pit of flies.
"Let no man call for a poll again in Neocron. For all they bring is pain and flames and vote rigging." Crono proclaimed. And all Neocron agreed, and decided to not call for polls, and then went to talk the females into visiting BioTech.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
26-03-03, 12:18
Geez... would you two stop flirting already....

NERD Issue 22: Ben and Artricia get a room.

yes I should really write that....

Anyways, I ran out of time so the 17 issue will have to wait till tomorrow. I'll try and churn out a few more chapters quickly once Thursday's past to make up for the slight delays.

Oh and I've pretty much decided that Issue 20 will NOT be a comedy but a plotpoint story, sort of my take on the whole Dome of York thing. Hopefully it can be enjoyable still.

Until later then, from the guy who's earlier...

NERD Editor
26-03-03, 12:24
haha, you mean you'll TRY to flirt with all the girls.

Of course figuring out which are just pretty guys in disguise will be your main task!

But just to make you happy....

(NERD Editor begins conjuring up a mech, using all his willpower to create one)

Ahh here you go ben, a nice new..... Mech the size of a Transformer toy and sadly lacking in guns.....

Oh well, you weren't specific.

NERD Editor
26-03-03, 12:27
(NERD Editor warps over to the US and kidnaps Britney Spears at 5:30 in the morning without the 11 hours of cosmetic work)

Here, just point this in their direction, they'll all fall over dead. Get it to sing and their heads will explode for added cool gore effects.

NERD Editor
28-03-03, 04:35
Hah, how could I look past NDA? The only reason NDA hasn't made it into the story yet is because I'm holding them back for a later idea i had. But certainly they'll be making their appearance before Issue 25 (you should all ph33r how much of this story is already playing away in my head....)

Anyway, Issue 17 should be out really soon so stay tuned...

NERD Editor
28-03-03, 11:45
NERD Issue # 017

A Tale of Two Newbies

We here at NERD like to take the time to bring you the stories you both want to hear, and the ones you need to hear. Today's tale will be a touching reminder of what it was like to be the idiot newbie, fresh out of cryo-freeze, and all of a sudden in the harsh world we know as Neocron.

"Hmn... whats this? Erm... goguardian... what does this do? Hmn.... oh I can put stuff in here. Cool. Whats this? Gene Replicator. That sounds fun... what does this do? Teleport, sweet, I can teleport hehe, 'Beam me up Scotty!' yeah yeah, this is cool. Oooh ooh, whats that..." This pointless rambling carried on for quite some. It comes with that freeze dried brain feeling when you're fresh out of cryo. That sense that 'everything is cool' and you're amazed by the slightest thing, like how many chairs your table has, and whats out your window (which only looks at the wall of the nearby building anyway).

The rambling was coming from Smokey. He had recently been brought to full animation and was acquainting himself with his apartment. Having read his mails (only to realise how much of a waste of time that was) checked his cabinets (and after trying to eat a few poisonglands, decided this was a bad idea) located the door (which was harder than you might think) and gone through it, he came to his elevator entrance.
"Okay, I just use this and... password? What password? I need a password to get out? How should I know that? Help!! Help!!" And he began dancing around on the spot like Fred Durst needing heamorroid cream. All of a sudden, reality behind him bent and Legatus of the EGOS 2nd Circle (there being 3 circles, 1st being the top, and the 3rd being the little bitches of EGOS kind) appeared behind him.
"Greetings!" Legatus spoke.
"Ack! An invader! You're in a whole world of hurt pal... Die!" Smokey tried to punch Legatus. Naturally Legatus' invincibility made this utterly pointless (not that it would have done much good anyway).
"Ohhhh... nooooo. You're one of THEM!" Legatus groaned.
"Why isn't this working?" Smokey stopped after 8 minutes of desperately trying to swat his foe like a bug.
"First thing, its your fist and not a good attack for killing other people. Second, I'm an EGOS, and am invincible, so you can't hurt me, and 3rd, you got your Law Enforcer in fool. You can't hurt other runners and they can't hurt you. Get it?" Smokey just blinked.

After 11 re-explanations, Smokey understood.
"Ok, sorry about that Legatus." he honestly apologised.
"No problem. Now, you did the dance of summoning, so what was bothering you before I got here?"
"I don't know the password to my elevator. How do I get out?" Legatus tried to supress his groans again.
"No No, to get down you just click on 'ground floor' and you'll....hey I'm talking!" But it was too late, Smokey had shot outside already, without learning how to get back in. Legatus just gave up and went back to the EGOS realm where he found RandomAccess, also of the 2nd Circle.
"Hey Random, I just got summoned to the worst place..."
"You and me both dude, I just got summoned to this girl called SexX's appt. And guess what for?"
"Couldn't use the elevator?"
"Worse, couldn't get to the elevator cause the door wouldn't open. Had to point to the little terminal for her."
"Ohh man... you know what this means?"
"Yep.... they're here."

For those of you who have supressed all memory of anything to do with that word, a Newbie is an individual lacking all knowledge and any degree of skill in everything. Fortunately most runners quickly evolve from being a Newbie to being clueless, and then from there to being a novice. However, in the cases of SexX and Smokey, it was looking like it was going to be a long trek through the evolutionary phase. We here at NERD also feel the need to point out the difference between a Newbie (definition above) and a N00b and a NUBI. A N00b is a person who has limited knowledge, skills and resources, but believes that they know all, have all and are all powerful. These are much worse than Newbies, for they know how to use their chat device and can thus spam. Both of these are different from a NUBI (Neocron's Ultimate Band of Idiots) who are runners that follow the egomaniac Insidious Wolf to their deaths, repeatedly. But we'll have more on them later also. We thank you for your attention.

After 3 days of wandering around plaza, Smokey and SexX had learned that a.) copbots get agro if you keep talking to them b.) standing in a doorway when its sliding shut is not as entertaining as it looks c.) Vendors have a lot of stuff in their coat pockets which they flash at you if you talk to them and d.) the other runners are a lot faster than they were. They also managed to find each other, and being of relatively equal brainpower, they decided to work together.

"So," SexX began, "any idea what we should try today?"
"Well, we've got these knives they issued us out of cryo right?"
"Well there's gotta be somewhere we can use them."
"But everywhere we go the copbots tell us to 'drop that weapon'. Its like that all through plaza." SexX replied
"Well maybe there's somewhere outside of Plaza." Smokey suggested.
"Outside Plaza, haha, you're joking right." Yes, its sad but true, but the average newbie believes that the entire world consists of Plaza. Its a sad existence... very sad.

The two were standing around in Plaza 2 the next day when they heard someone laughing his ass off behind them.
"LMAO!!!" Megaman was almost in tears.
"Whats LMAO mean?" SexX was bewildered.
"ROFLMAO!!!" Megaman cracked up.
"Huh? What language is he speaking?" Smokey asked.
"Oh crap, as if the LE's weren't bad enough, you two are total newbies."
"Whats a newbie?" SexX asked.
"LOL. Whats a newbie, thats classic." Megaman chuckled.
"LOL? I don't get it..."
"Here, lemme break it down for ya." and with that Megaman started tapping his feet. All the other runners in Plaza began performing a synchronised dance routine and the drums kicked in through the zone speakers.

(The following song "I'm a Newbie" is done to the tune "I Want Candy" by The Bangles. Music file production is still on hiatus. Lyrics by NERD, a subsidiary of LaeminCorp. All Rights Reserved)

(pointless guitar solo)

"I know a guy who's soft and weak
A little wimp, a joke to beat.
To kill him, no need to fire.
Say 'kill self rox', I'm such a liar.

I'm a Newbie..... I'm a Newbie....

(guy on a banjo kicks in)

I don't know but i've been told.
Hunting mobs is mighty old.
But it is just so fun for me.
Wasting rats in a killing Spree.



(everyone in Plaza 2 starts doing Riverdance)
(banjo boys back)

You're so new, you must get better.
She'll give you con, if you let her.
Just go to a sewer, punch away.
Level stats the cheap ass way.



The dancers ran off and Megaman felt happy with himself, confident that his CD sales would go through the roof with that classic.
"Rats? What are those?"
"Oh great unmerciful drom herpies, you two know where the sewers are right?"

And so it was that Megaman did his good deed for the century and told the newbies where the sewers were. Immediately their lives were changed forever.

"My life is changed forever." SexX said.
"Why's that?"
"Cause I'm dead."
"Ohh. Thats... not... good." A voice screamed 'Stop talking while you're dead' from somewhere above.

After discovering the ability to respawn, and the joys of impairment, the two newbies began the long and delightful experience of beating the crap (figuratively and literally in some cases) out of rats, spiders and other bugs. They fought long and hard and after 2 days of continuous slaughter, figured out that they could take things from the carcasses. 20 minutes later the two couldn't move.

"Whats going on?"
"I dunno, I can't move."
"Lets do that dance of summoning thing and get those GOGOS over here."
"Isn't that the stubby penis thing that sticks out of the wall?"
"I thought that was the cityterm" SexX responded
"Nah, the cityterm is the mirror thing you can't see yourself in."
"Ohh. So you store stuff in your EGO?"
"Right, and an EGO is?"
"What that Megaman guy had."
"Is that stuff catching? You're talking in foreignese too."
"No i found out it means Laugh Out Loud."
"And the guy you wanted to summon is an EGOS."
"Right, gotcha, so lets dance and get him here." But the two were too overweight to dance.
"Now what're we gonna do?" The two started yelling. Eventually another runner came by.
"Hey, whats up?" pepsi asked.
"We can't move."
"You overloaded?"
"How do we know that?"
"Check your backpack."
"Where's that?"
"...Um... I don't know, maybe its the pack, on your... back? (Giant red Subtitles slam down: "EXCESSIVELY SARCASTIC"). Alas, this still took a while for the newbies to figure out as they started spinning around in circles trying to look at their own back.
"WTF???" pepsi looked on in disbelief.
"Whats that mean?" the two asked. Pepsi ran off.

And so it was that eventually they figured out about their backpack, and their armour, and through a long, looong explanation from Gully Foyle, resident implant specialist to newbies, they learnt about implants. After 16 weeks, the two had finally made it to the stage where they could be called novices. At that time, Legatus came to see them again.
"Well, looks like you guys have got yourselfs sorted out. You feeling more competent?"
"Yeah Legatus, we are. And thanks for getting me out of my apartment." Smokey responded.
"Good, well its what EGOS do, help out. Anyway seeings as I'm not needed here, I'll be on my way..."
"Um actually, I do just have one small question before you go." Smokey looked at Legatus with big puppy dog eyes, the ones you just wanna rip out.
"Ok, what do you need to know?"
"Um.... whats my name?" Legatus fled the scene at maximum warp.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
28-03-03, 11:48
This story was inspired by the competition I had at the end of 2002 for "Newbie Question of the Year" with some of the other EGOS/GM's. There were some pretty comical contenders, but the guy who honestly came up to me and asked "What's my name?" kinda took the cake.

BTW, the competition is running again this year, so beware, you may appear with the 1st place prize for 2003.

NERD Editor
29-03-03, 08:43
Now thats a dedicated reader.

Ok, I've started typing up the next one so with any luck it won't be long before its done.

NERD Editor
29-03-03, 12:32
NERD Issue # 018

Where Bunneh's Lie

In the wastelands of Neocron, legends tell of a dark and terrible thing.
Found deep in the mountains of Middle-Wastes, it was picked up by the most unlikely of persons.... Unfortunately, that unlikely person lost their hand as a result and lost it again so we won't go further into that tale.

But from the legends, a small phrase, describing the foul thing has remained eched in history. Those that have not paid heed to it, or forgotten it, have paid a terrible price. In the language of Neocron it reads:

Three things: It will not sing, so don't make it try,
Seven lives, it takes with cries for crimes that must atone.
Nine who tried, doomed to die
One who saw, sat in awe, with his observer drone.
In the Land of Neocron, where the Bunneh Lies.
One thing to piss it off, one thing to drive it
One question to set it off, "Hey, can I pet it?"
In the Land of Neocron, where the Bunneh Lies.

The rhyme above tells the tale of the 9 who went out to find the entity known as KillerBunneh. They set out in the early spring of 2269 in search of this elusive goal, and searched for almost a year without success. In the cold of winter, they found themselves lost and alone (for in 2269, a time some refer to as 'Beta 2' (Beta is short for Before Terran Animation, the time where many individuals were brought out of cry-stasis. The 2 is reference to 2 years before the Terran Animation took place) there was no functioning GPS system, so maps of the wastelands were scetchy at best, and useless at worst). The 9 adventurers, having completely exhausted their supplies and their patience, and finding themselves in the mountains, where winter was at its worst, rather than the desert where it would have at least been bearable, they despaired, and huddled down in a cave to die.

"I told you we should've taken that left turn at Albequerque." KGB-Crazy growled.
"Idiot, there hasn't been an Albequerque for centuries." Elle yelled.
"Well we should've turned left anyway."
"We DID turn left."
"Then we should've turned right!"
"Oh you're a load of use, moron."
"Guys, easy." Raiden intervened, "Nothing achieved by arguing, we should conserve our strength."
"This coming from the guy who tried to kill us all on the way over." Lux chuckled.
"Hey, its what I do..." Raiden admitted.
"Well what about you?" Elle turned to the guy sitting in the corner with a welding tool, "built anything useful yet?"
"I believe I've managed to construct.... a metalpipe!" Professor X jumped up triumphant. The 4 as yet unnamed members of the party all 'ooh'ed and ahh'ed and clapped.
"Who are they?" Insidious Wolf asked.
"Who them? They're just extra's. But Prof paid them to be his groupies." Raiden pointed out.

As it turned out the metalpipe proved useful. Back in the days of Beta 2, the only things roaming that sector were rats. Not the watered down rats we know today, but big stinking, spleen hanging out their ribs bite your leg off rats. With no remaining weapons, they unleashed Raiden, 'lord of the Kill' on the rats, armed with a metalpipe. An hour later they had an ample supply of meat.

That night a storm blew up outside, and leaving the cave was an impossibility. The 9 companions moved to the far wall, which promptly allowed them to walk right through it.
"Huh? This is a wall right?"
"Apparently." Prof X said.
"Apparently its a wall?" Insidious Wolf asked.
"Well it looks like a wall, seems like a wall, makes you think its a wall, but its not a wall."
"But its still a wall?"

Cases of the Apparent Wall often sprung up around Neocron in those days. Thankfully things became a bit more real and less apparent over time. A fact all survivors of Beta 2 are thankful for.

The 9 decided to venture into the mountains depths to get away from the cold.

Now, as every sane person knows, you should choose to freeze your ass off rather than venture blind and poorly armed into the bowels of an unexplored mountain deep in the remotest sections of the world. However these 9 were not sane, they were cold. And when you start having ice formations grow off your privates, reason and logic are the first things to go. So they ventured further.

Eventually they came to a large chamber. It was dimly lit, dry and most of all warm. The 9 moved in and settled down.
"Ohhh yeah, this is much better." KGB-Crazy moaned with no small amount of pleasure.
They settled down and rested. The 4 extras however moved over to the darker corner where they found something strange.
"I've found something strange." Extra 1 said.
"Its a carrot." Extra 2 said.
"Lets eat the carrot." Extra 3 said.
"Yes, lets." Extra 4 took a bite. Then something took a bite out of the extras. They all screamed.
"Look out, somethings in here!" Elle yelled.
"Something killed the extras!" Sid yelped. Prof X wanted him bribes back.
"Well really, I mean you had to expect it. Its what extra's are for... to die first." Raiden pointed out. Everyone thought about that and realised thats why they brought the extra's along in the first place.
The 5 remaining teammates stood ready, Raiden armed with his pipe, the rest with their fists.

Then slowly, out of the shadows crept the single most destructive force in all of Neocron. Teh KillerBunneh! The 5 stood in awe as they realised they had found their goal. Sid was the only one not in sight, sitting in the corridor they had come through, watching with an observer drone.
"Ohh, its so cute!" Elle went over to pet it and immediately split into two by the giant front teeth of Teh Bunneh.
"Nobody messes with the Fur!" Teh Bunneh growled.
"It speaks!" Prof X gasped.
"It comprehends." Bunneh replied. Raiden leapt forward and smashed the pipe over the back of its neck. Unphased, Bunneh slapped him into a nearby wall with its giant ears. Then it sniffed the air.
"You come from Neocron, you bring your filth to my warren. You shall not survive this mistake." Bunneh loomed at Prof X.
"Wait wait, can't we all just sing a song round a campfire and be friends?" Prof suggested. He, Raiden and KGB-Crazy were promptly torn to gibblets by the enraged ball of fluff. Then it sensed the 9th. It loomed into the corridor and glared at Sid.
"Noo, please, noo..." Sid looked on despairingly. Bunneh was about to puree Sid when it smelt something.
"I smell.... CHOCOLATE!!! You have choco bars!" Bunneh's eyes glistened.
"Ahh, yeah, here, they're in my pockets... I'll just get it for you... and AHHHH!!!" Teh Bunneh could not wait any longer.
"Precious Chocolate!!!" and with that it ate the clothes off Sid, leaving him as naked as the day they cloned him.
"You have brought me chocolate. For that, you may live. Now begone." And Bunneh used its overdeveloped hind legs to kick Sid half way back to Neocron.

2 months later a naked and disturbed Sid wandered into Neocron once again, desperately seeking an Outfitter. When asked what had happened, all runners could get from him was.
"Yes.... it was... YES!! It Came To Me... Yes, the... and it... YES, Its Mine... and YES... My ... MY.... My Precious...."
And so it began.

Since this tale, only one runner has ever successfully found and trapped Teh KillerBunneh. That being SpikeZ, on a mission of love, honour and a desire for Booteh. But SpikeZ made sure to bring an offering of Choco Bars, and any wise runner who dares the wastes, will always carry chocolate with them, should they encounter The Long Eared One.
Rumours also tell that Teh KillerBunneh has a master. What being of immeasurable power this is, one can only speculate. But rumours always have a hint of truth behind them.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
29-03-03, 12:36
Biblioteque, if you think you should be NERDed, PM me via this forum with some info about yourself. I do note you're on Saturn, but hey, I'm always trying to think of ways to incorporate the other servers.

NERD Editor
30-03-03, 05:44
*sits back sipping coffee, watching Vash twitch away*

Heheh, I'll let him spasm for another hour, then get started on the next one.

Oh and Arcadius: There's no way anyone can really answer that for you. For some people this may be the biggest waste of 15 forum pages ever. For others this is funny. My recommendation is just read Issue 1 right at the beginning. Its not that long and will probably give you a sense of whether you wanna carry on or not.

The greatest judge of everything in life is yourself...... and Judge Mills Lane. LETS GET IT ON!

NERD Editor
30-03-03, 06:27
Great pasty white English people!!!! I just went to my messenger and there's half a dozen messages from Bibiliotequa.

After cackling my way through some of his suggestions, I suddenly feel very threatened by his sense of humour.... my job is in danger!

Thats it, must make a stand.....

Issue 22: Bibliotequa Vs NERD Editor

Anyways, I have started typing up Issue 19: Long Live the Tyrant now, so shouldn't take too long, assuming I don't get distracted by small furry things with sugar addictions....

NERD Editor
30-03-03, 06:39
(hums away Bib's 'Stronger' parody tune)

Damnit thats catchy....

Anyways, naturally I'm just messing with ya Bib, but you asked to be NERDed, so now you're gonna get it.

Also... and I ph33r the kind of people who might respond to this, but I'm curious as to whether anyone out there would volunteer to sing the lyrics for any upcoming parody songs... if only to give Danae a partner for duets... (Laemin what r u thinking !!!!)

Anyway, back to the grind....

NERD Editor
30-03-03, 09:22
NERD Issue # 019

Long Live The Tyrant

How much do you know about our world? Have you ever truly stopped to think about that? We here at NERD stop to think about that all the time. At times we lose track of the big picture, becoming so engrossed in reporting the latest stunning conflicts between NUTS, JERKs, NUBIs and CRC. We often stop to look around at what else is going on in our world and more often than not learn something. Well today we bring to you a tale that many have advised us is not in our best interests to report. Yet it bears such cruciality to our knowledge of our world, that it is impossible for us to withdraw its publication.

This is the story of Lioon Reza.

We've all heard the history of Neocron. Psi-monks are bad. They got unnaturally shiny bald heads, eyes that change colour, make your head explode if you punch them and took over Neocron to become the ruling class. For that reason, they have been persecuted ever since (why, just recently The DEVS took out their artifact sharpened sharpened polished waxed buffed NERF bat and bashed them all over the head with it, causing them all to forget their previous skills for a time (yes thats right, artifact NERF bats come with 5 slots and can use the 3 secret melee mods!)). They were removed from power.... well ok not removed, grabbed by the short and curly's and thrown out a window is more like it, by the powerful duo of Hagen Yager and Lioon Reza, who formed a rebel force and took back Neocron. The two shared the common dream of removing Neocron's ruling class and installing a democratic system into the city where everyone could have an equal say, vote for their leaders, jaywalk without prejudice and eat snowcones at 4 in the morning while buck naked, dangling from a bungee cord over the waters behind Neocron city.

And of course that didn't happen.

Instead, once the Monks were given the shafting, instead of a Ruling class, there came the Ruler. Lioon Reza took command of the city singlehandedly and filled the city with Copbots and STORMbots as his private police force, completely loyal (aside from the odd amok one, as we mentioned some 15 issues ago) to Reza's rule.

And what happened to poor old Yager? Well he got older. But he took what forces were left after the revolution and retreated to a great big hole in the side of a cliff. He put some concrete down, a few throw-cushions, dotted some guards around the place and called it home. Thus the Twilight Guardians came into being. The rebels that put Reza into power now wanted to kick his ass out. You'd think they'd see the sick cycle of history they're all playing into here, but hey, thats a rebellion for ya, all guns and glory, no brainpower whatsoever.

And so it was that Reza, in command of the city of Neocron, took his role as leader/dictator of the city and began his glorious reign. He built the city up, instituted changes, helped build up the Space industry, lost interest in the industry when things seemed... less than perfect, and now has not been seen for an extended period of time. The occasional publication comes from his office, but none see him. Or do they?

Sitting in his Plaza level 4 apartment, the lushest of the lush, Reza looked out upon his domain. It had not been a great 2 weeks for his rule. His recent experiments with Cyborg technology had gotten out of control, right when he needed it under his control more than ever. The Y replicants (named so because of the Y-fronts, the only form of underwear the technicians could get them to wear) had launched an assault on the eastern wastelands. This was not a problem to Reza. After all an attack on Yager and Rodriguez's corner of the world was no bad thing. The Twilight Guardians had been caged, having to expend vast amounts of their income of teleportation costs to get out of their lands. However, the unfortunately control failure had meant an obscene number of casualties on Neocron-friendly troops. This was not a good thing. It seemed that the rogue Replicants would be brought under control soon, but the PR nightmare was getting worse. A threat was stirring, and Reza had been ordered to meet it.

"Casandra, come in here please." Reza spoke into his comterm. Casandra Edwards, Reza's personal assistant entered the room. She served as Reza's plaything... err, I mean public liason. She handled all contact with the outside world, allowing Reza to simply give the orders, and not deal with the bitching that usually came about from such orders. Edwards was almost frighteningly capable at handling all matters sent her way. The entire beauracracy of a Megopolis passed through her desk, and she never even lost the memo's pertaining to the buildup of Milky Ren wrappers in certain Mountain caves. City supplies, internal conflicts, data communications from what was left of the GPS system, all of it. She dealt with the mechanics of the city. Reza just manned the steering wheel. She entered the room and stood waiting for Reza's latest whim (and yes, we do mean any whim. For to keep Reza happy and away from her secret dealings, Edwards would provide him with anything he wanted. Funny how the backstabbing, manipulative power-hungry egomaniacs always end up working in the same office, huh?


"Casandra. Are my Y-fronts ready?"
"Yes sir, you left them on my vanity cabinet last night."
"No, the other ones."
"Ohh the replicants, yes they're standing by in Storage Hall Omega."
"Very good. I want those Y-fronts destroyed, do you hear me!"
"You want your cyborg squadrons terminated?"
"No, my underwear, destroy it, and get me another pair."
"Oh...., very good sir." Cassandra made a note to take Reza's Y-fronts off after work and burn them. (Hey, if you can't sit in the bosses chair, sit in the bosses... you get the idea.)
"What business today?" Reza looked out the window, his back to Cassandra, who was doing 'sexy' thrusts at him as she spoke.
"Tangent Technologies is continuing its reign over most economic matters. There control over the Outposts has been threatened by The Resistance, and with JERK's joining TG things have become difficult out there. Fortunately the NDA is holding out strong."
"Good, I must find a way to use them to my advantage in the future."
"Yes sir, I anticipated that thought, so have begun drafting up ideas for your approval."
"Excellent. What else."
"We need to pay out a loss fee to City Mercs."
"What for?" Reza yelled.
"A squad was annihilated protecting a Choco Bar convoy past Tech Haven. Apparently the bodies were chewed up and bits of fur were found."
"Teh Bunneh.... how long will he steal our chocolate? Very well pay the fee, but reroute all convoys through the swamplands from now on."
"There's the matter of the meeting with the Fallen Angels about purchasing their security bot technology for use in Neocron."
"Cancel that."
"Why, may I ask." Casandra looked at Reza, who pulled out a dossier full of 'screenies' showing poor, pitiful TH security bots ripped to shreds. Many of the bots had either CryptoCronic or Megaman posing over the smouldering remains.
"The only thing these bots are good at protecting is the ground under their charred hulls. I have no use for toaster ovens with elastic band launchers. CANCEL IT!"
"Consider them dissed."
"Now, is Agent Chaos outside?" Reza sat at his desk.
"Yes sir, he is." Edwards took that as her que to send Agent Chaos in. Agent Chaos walked in and sat at the desk.
"Well, what news?" Reza asked.
"I R L337 Precious!!" Sid blurted out. Reza groaned.
"Shut up you egomaniac." Sid stopped talking.
"Now, what news." Sid said nothing.
"You said to shut up." Sid responded.
"Then Unshutup."
"I R STILL L337. U SU)(OR REZ()R." Reza pulled a NERF pistol from under his desk (another relic of the lost technologies, a short range NERF cannon that can be used on one person at close range). "Ok I behave."
"Is it done?"
"NUTS got there first. NUBI could not begin an infiltration of NEXT. We had to assimilate the City Mercs instead."
"You FOOL! How you could you let NUTS in first?"
"Well thats where you keep your nuts, they're right up front you see... and..."
"Are we talking about ASS now, cause they're gone."
"SHUT UP YOU FOOL!" Reza was enraged, "they are coming, do you realise that? The factions are at war inside the city and are in no position to hold them back. You were supposed to bring NEXT into the fold, which would have brought BioTech in as well. City Admin is mine, and with enough money City Mercs would have been mine as well. Now all you've accomplished is saving me from stealing some of NDA's clan funds again."
"So what should I do?"
"Nothing. You're not up to this kind of work, that is obvious now. Return to your NUBI's and prepare them. Regardless of this failing I will still need them."
"Understood... precious, yes!!" Reza glared. Sid told Precious to wait outside.

After Sid was removed, Cassandra returned.
"What now for the afternoon sir?"
"Take it off." Cassandra started removing her top, "I meant the afternoon. Take the afternoon off."
"Ohh. Thank you sir."
"Be here at 5am tomorrow. Its going to be a long day." Cassandra looked on at the dictator, with his broad shoulders and gigantic ass (thats what you get when you spend all your time sitting behind a desk (RED SUBTITLES SLAM DOWN "GOOD HEALTH ADVICE!")) and wondered what would happen tomorrow.

Once she left, Reza activated his terminal and opened a secret channel. It was password locked. He typed in "Magnitus Jupitus Servitus" and the channel opened.
"I stand as ready as I can, My Master. Open the gates, and let the blood flow." A deep maniacal laugh could be heard...

Until next time...

NERD Editor
30-03-03, 20:25
Ok, so that was Issue 19. Now work begins on 20.

It won't be out today I don't think. 20 is intended to be noticably longer than all the other issues. I warn you all now IT WILL NOT BE FUNNY. This is my version of where I think the plotline is going. It is not official (despite everyones favourite Sewer Fly GM being the writer) nor is it based on any secret knowledge. This is just my thoughts from reading the Neocronicles and watching the activity ingame.

As for PIMP, your exclusion from NERD is because:
a.) I haven't needed you guys yet
b.) this is all a big conspiracy to make all the criminal elements in Tsunami despair and change factions. In short, a conspiracy to turn you into carebears.

But don't worry. Issue 20 is the turning point in the NERD universe. Once I hit 21, we get new clans, new acronyms, more characters, new forbidden technologies and of course, Megaman's jukebox.

Also NDA will get more mention once I figure out a new acronym for them. I considered TITS (Tangent Internal Tactical Soldiers) but figured Danae might bust my ass with a wet towel for that one.... ah well.

So, stay tuned and change your Y-fronts, cause Issue 20: "The Gates Open" is coming soon.

NERD Editor
31-03-03, 02:40
Regardless of personal opinions about PIMP (or any other clan mentioned in NERD for that matter) they are probably the most noticable Tsunami clan I've seen (goes to double check they are Tsunami). My overall intention is to bring 1 or two of the bigger, more involved clans from each faction into the storyline. Other clans may get mentioned in their own little story, but may not get the same recurring roles as the others.

For example: On Pluto it is impossible to deny the presence of System Shock (aka JERK's). Further their subsidiary System Shock International is quite notable too. NDA (TITS?) and Blue Tech (NUTS) are the two richest clans on all of Pluto. NUBI is a total invention of mine to keep the legend of Sid going.

So for those clans who think they deserve to be NERD'ed and in a big way..... go increase your reputation on Pluto. Bend Mega over and play Spank Teh Monkeh. Find the secret warren of Teh Bunneh. Teach Laemin how to use his skin changer.... (stop talking about yourself in the 3rd person).

Anyway, all in good time. NERD is still in its early stages (I hope) and if I make it to Issue 50 (all work and no sleep make Laemin.... something something....) I hope to have created a parody world that encompasses more of Pluto than what it does right now. Issue 20 should be a step in the right direction.

Back to the typathon. 110 words a minute and it still takes hours to write....

NERD Editor
31-03-03, 07:25
I'm on all Servers Snake. I'm Laemin of the Neocron Gamesmasters. So that should also answer your question: yes I'm in the story as well, as the GM who can't control his skin changer.

Alright... back to work.

NERD Editor
01-04-03, 01:37
NERD Issue # 020

The Gates Open

>>>> 0527 hrs, Neocron Central Time. 3rd District, Dome of York <<<<

The office, or what was passing for an office, was barely lit. A dull hum from a single gas powered lantern in the middle of the room was the only sound and one of the two light sources. The other was coming from the terminal, placed precariously on a box, which was substituting for a desk.

The Dome of York rebuild had been long and slow, but the results were pleasing. The citizens were of a mind that there was work to do, and it must be done. And they had a very determined plan of action for how it should be done. And that plan did not feature offices or tools of beauracracy as important. Hence offices were little more than storage rooms with a few extra power conduits, a terminal and a chair (some had to do without the latter).
The Dome itself was the first problem to be rebuilt, as it was the sole protection from the elements. The gates, walls and defenses came after. Basic amenities, food processing came afterwards (you'd be suprised how much work a taskforce can do being fed on ratmeat and suffering).

Of course, this work was done under relative hush. Neocron had crushed Dome of York during the Ceres war, and they monitored the Dome still, to protect against any further uprisings.

But recent years had seen CityAdmin distracted. Battles with the Twilight Guardians had distracted them, the Y Replicants had distracted them, and their own internal struggles had distracted them. When JERK's became Twilight Guardians, the city had gone into panic at the thought of confrontations, and the city turned its eye away from Dome of York again... and for too long.

The terminal began beeping. A transmission was coming through. The sole individual in the room entered the code, and the transmission began.
"It is time." the voice growled and filled the room with animosity, "are you prepared?"
"Yes My Master." the individual replied.
"Then do my bidding. Open the gates, and set forth War." the transmission ended. The individual opened a channel to the cities speaker system
"Begin Operation Retaliation".

>>>> 0529 Neocron Standard Time. Plaza lvl 4 Apartment, Reza's Office, Neocron <<<<

The terminal beeped and Reza entered his code. Cassandra sat across the desk, half unconscious at this time of the morning. Then the voice began.
"It has begun. Prepare yourselves. Prove yourself to me once again Reza." The animosity was overpowering. Cassandra began to quiver in her seat.
"Yes My Master." Reza responded.
"Pass this test and I shall grant you your desire. Fail me and pay dearly." The message ended. Cassandra looked on at Reza, who just nodded. They both realised the truth. Failure was not an option.
"This will be a long day." Reza sighed.
"I'll get some stamina boosters..." Cassandra left the room.

>>>> 0545 Plaza 2, Neocron <<<<

Wannabe had just exited his apartment and was heading off to work in the subway tubes again today. The job would be a long one, expected to take a good 15 hours, but there was plenty of overtime involved, so he skipped off to work, excited.

>>>> 0545 Sector 1, Military Base <<<<

Insidious Wolf was running around buzzing doorbells to summon his NUBI's to awaken. He knew he did not have much time to prepare. As he hammered the buzzers to their apartments he continued to check his inventory. All the necessary modules were there. He would have to remember to check his goguardian for psi boosters before too long as well...

>>>> 0599 Escador Oasis, K Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

5 runners were attacking a Grim Persecutor from the balcony's of a mud hut. This was common practice around the Oasis. One passive Monk healed everyone while the 4 aggressors blasted the Grim to its premature demise.
"Cool. We killed it fast!" The passive monk yelled. The other 4 yelled their agreement. The monk cast a blessed heal and went to recast his boosts when a section of the hut exploded into debris. Now, generally speaking the mud huts are baked solid by the desert sun, and can withstand an obscene amount of firepower, but this time an entire section of the hut was reduced to dust in the blink of an eye. A second blink and the passive monk was smeared across the landscape.
"He's down, he's down, take cover." One yelled.
"Who's attacking?" Another yelled. The monk respawned at the Generep and was about to start heading back to where his gear would have fallen, but couldn't walk. The reason being his lower torso had been severed. And then, the entire building, generep and all exploded into a fireball, consuming his contorted form in fire. The generep was destroyed. A hail of plasma fire and missiles ripped the landscape apart. The four hunters were annihilated, and forced to respawn much further away. The small shabby town at Escador Oasis was obliterated in 7 minutes. A deep, thudding rumble echoed through the sector.

>>>> 0606 Tescom Uplink, K Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

The 5 members of the hunt respawned, only to be threatened by N00bish and Artricia. Artricia made her eyes glow blue and terrified N00bish, which was the only thing saving the hunting party from being summarily executed.
"Easy, we're not here to fight, we need some help." The Monk spoke.
"State your business." N00bish growled.
"We just got hammered at Escador. Theres a hunting party out there with some serious firepower. We want you two to help us get them back." Terms of the deal were arranged and the two joined the 5 and began walking. They were passing the Mauseleum, home of The Grave when they stopped to listen. Not far off, a deep, thudding rumble could be heard, and it was getting louder.
"Is that them?" Artricia asked.
"Yeah. They must be beyond that sandcloud." One of the rifle users pulled out his gun and used the scope.
"Um.... thats not a sandcloud..." the 7 combatants opened fire, hailing destruction at the oncoming tempest, but could not hope to stop it.

>>>> 0612 Eastgate Factory, H Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

Turret fire poured energy out at the oncoming seige. JERK's were in possession of Eastgate, but at this time were called away to business in Twilight Guardians HQ. The turrets were continuously firing on the attackers, but were quickly ripped to shreds within 3 minutes. The walls were broken and the hack terminal destroyed.

>>>> 0614 JERK's clan apartment, Twilight Guardians <<<<

Shadow and Murkster listened to their com-units as the automated messages came in. Their turrets had been destroyed and the outpost lost. The whole attack had lasted less than 3 minutes. Assured that either NUBI or NUTS had launched a major offensive, they began summoning their troops to head in and retaliate, when 2 minutes later, messages from Soliko came flooding in. At this, they were suspicious. Neither of their nemesis' had the manpower or firepower to overcome their stationary defenses that fast, even less so at two outposts. They called all JERK's to TG. They needed a plan.

>>>> 0615 Typherra Memorial, Plaza 1, Neocron <<<<

Artricia, N00bish, The Monk and their 4 associates respawn at Medicare. Battered and bruised and sorely lacking in equipment, they collapse. Concerned faction members move them to the medical units further inside Medicare to recover. They remain in a state of unconsciousness for some time.

>>>> 0651 Drakkhan Fortress, K Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

The fortresses guns spring to life. Members of the NDA flood through the generep and take up defensive positions. The battle for Drakkhan takes 32 minutes. It is later discovered that this is the longest time an outpost was successfully defended for during the course of the day. NDA members are forced back through the generep just before a missile slams through the reinforced outpost walls and annihilates the southern section of the outpost. The generep is damaged, but still remains. 2 minutes before the seige ends, Centuri teleports to Via Rosso 2 to report to Tangent HQ with screenies of the foe.

>>>> 0700 61 minutes after first shots fired <<<<

11 outposts have been disabled or destroyed, the 12th, Drakkhan fortress is under heavy fire. Rumours of the assaults begin to pass by word of mouth to the Neocron populace from the wounded, who are appearing in increasing numbers.

>>>> 0700 Sector 1, Military Base <<<<

With an unusual lack of his usual l337speak, Insidious Wolf addresses the City Mercs members in attendance and clan leaders. He informs them of a major threat headed there way at speed and estimates their arrival before 0800. Oddly enough, no wounded have passed through MB to bring any rumours to the Base. But Sid is so convincing, that the population of City Mercs begin arming themselves and take up tactical defense positions around MB. None have time to query where Sid got his information. Employing the magnificent efficiency in combat situations the City Mercs possess, the defenders are in position within 15 minutes.

>>>> 0702 Drakkhan Fortress, K Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

A sole runner on a speederbike making his escape towards MB notices four pods being launched into the Northern Ocean from just Northwest of the now wrecked outpost. The runner transmitted the information to his clanmates in PIMP. Tsunami Syndicate begins to learn of the happenings in the Northern wastes.

>>>> 0721 Via Rosso 2, Neocron <<<<

Centuri arrives outside Tangent HQ and immediately enters. 2 minutes later he is notified by his clan that the outpost has fallen. He reports to Tangent High Command and requests to perform an emergency briefing. Thanks to the rumours having preceded his arrival, he is granted the briefing. Over the next 15 minutes Centuri outlines the attack and then reveals what their foes are. The screenies depict Cyborgs, armed with a nightmarish variety of weapons, from plasma cannons and rifles, to Multi shot Missile launchers. Worse still are the strange quadrapedal artillery and mobile missile rack vehicles they are using to bombard their targets. There are 6 legged infiltration robots that scale the walls and enter the outposts from above, armed with duel laser scythes. Fortunately their joints are their weakness, but are nonetheless incredibly difficult to destroy with projectile fire, and must be engaged with melee weapons. Some of the cyborgs are standing approximately 3 metres tall, and worse still are what are being referred to as 'Beta Warbots', twice the size of Warbot Titans, armed with duel plasma rifles and a Moonstriker Missile launcher. Tangent Technologies declares a state of emergency throughout the faction and forwards the info to CityAdmin at 0739

>>>> 0739 Plaza lvl 4 Apartment, Reza's Office, Neocron <<<<

The information from Tangent arrives simultaneously at the terminal of all city officials and heads of factions, including Tsunami Syndicate and Black Dragons. Reza takes one look at the information and all the addressee's and realises the City Mercs have not been contacted. 2 minutes after the message is received, he opens communications to the Base. THe channel opens but heavy static disrupts the signal.
"City Merc Battalion, do you read?" Reza calls.
"....Batt.... here.... no..... explan.... can't talk right now sir.... forces.... engagement has begun..... information.... we'll let you know." The voice seemed familiar to Reza, as one of the attache's to Battalion Command. He attempted to determine what the message had meant. He assumed the worst.

>>>> 0740 Military Base Entrance, J Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

The rumbe had engulfed the zone completely. Normal runners faced with an almost earthquake like sound would have turned and fled. But the ardent City Mercs held their ground. Additional guards were out in force, armed with Gatling Rifles. The clans were in strategic positions. The monks of NUBI had placed themselves on the raised cliff by the power generators, from which they could reignt destruction. In the flatlands, the Khans stood predominant. Gargantua had spoken with the other smaller CM clans and positioned them around the MB Bunker. Battalion HQ armed the missile launchers on the roof of the MB, for the first time since they were installed.
"Swiftburn, move to that ditch there, deploy along the southern border." Gargantua yelled.
"Roger, Funktron, with me."
"Nerac, Axion, Deacon, take those troops with you and move forward. Launch a volley when you can see the enemy then fall back, and keep repeating till you're back here."
"Understood Commander," Deacon called back. Insidious Wolf instructed his healers to take up positions between the Khans and NUBI, and to assist any in need.

And then they saw the enemy.

The armies of York continued their rumbling advance. The City Mercs stood their ground. A volley of missiles were launched from the attackers and began slamming into the ground around them. A few were knocked over. The passive module users initiated psi barriers and healing. Deacon and Axion opened fire and took out a dozen enemy cyborgs, then pulled back as their position was assaulted by the scythe-bots. The Beta Warbots hailed plasma after them as they ran for the next ditch. Sid, who posessed the furthest attacking range, opened fire with Holy Lightning on one of the Beta Warbots. It responded with 3 very large rockets which Sid had to dive out of the way of. Two sailed past, but the third hit the dish atop the Base and it exploded into fragments. Communication to and from the base was now cut off.
Megaman teleported into Military Base at 0744. Unaware of what was going on outside, he had come for a ganking session, to kill a few runners and probably get a mod for his new MoonStriker launcher. Yet no one was around. He looked about and even the store vendors were gone. He was about to give up and leave when the explosion of the dish above rocked the facility. He looked around, wondering what that had been and whether it would be any fun when the speakers came to life.
"Code Red. Code Red. Base is under attack. Communications disabled. Structural integrity is holding. Hazard teams to East Wing. All able bodied runners to the surface. This is not a drill. Repeat, not a drill. Military Base is under attack." Megaman charged for the surface.

>>>> 0745 Sector 3, Military Base <<<<

A pod surfaced through the underground pool and the hatch opened. Scythe-bots and cyborgs poured out into the very bowels of the Military Base. 3 Demo-troopers headed for the power conduits, the rest, for the stairwell shaft.

NERD Editor
01-04-03, 01:38
>>>> 0747 Entrance, Military Base <<<<

As Megaman made it through the last door he noticed a few power fluctuations. He was about to ignore it and carry on towards the explosions outside when he peered over the edge into the abandoned elevator shaft. His eyes whitened as he looked at the dozens of scythe-bots scrambling up the walls towards him. Without hesitation, he pulled his Moonstriker and began launching shots into the shaft. Bots were annihilated left right and centre. Unfortunately, they kept on coming. Megaman activated his zone broadcast chat to alert someone to the danger, but the signal was not getting through.

>>>> 0815 Military Base Entrance, J Parallel, Military Base <<<<

Despite the horrendous amount of firepower coming their way, the CityMercs were holding their ground. The passive monks were overworked but effective. Droves of cyborgs had been destroyed, but The artillery was coming to bear now. The saving grace were the missile racks atop the Base. Their extended range was causing massive collateral damage.
"Keep it up guys, we can do this!" Lady Hawk yelled. A resounding cheer came up from the troops. They had noticed that zone communications were being disrupted, but co-ordination of the defense was not affected. The guards used their gatling rifles to intercept as many rockets as they could, and a few more members of The Khans were bringing their Rhino tanks into position to lay down fire. All of a sudden the communication jamming failed for a moment and they received a message
"For the love of ....... GET INSIDE THE BASE!!" Megaman yelled. He'd been fighting for 28 minutes already to hold the flow, "You're all about to be cut off! They're in the shaft!" Sudden horror reached the Mercs as they realised they'd been flanked in a big way.
"Pull back NUBI's, see what you can do, we'll try to hold them here!" Gargantua yelled. Sid led the NUBI's to Megaman, who was cut up pretty bad and his power armour was falling apart. But nonetheless he stood with Devils Grace in hand and slaughtered all that tried to get past. NUBI joined the fight and it looked like they would save the rear flank until....

>>>> 0820 Sector 3, Military Base <<<<

The three Demo-troopers had blown the door and detonated the conduits. Power to the base cut out. The doors lost power, lights went out and the missile racks shut down.

>>>> 0821 Military Base Entrance, J Parallel, Military Base <<<<

The missile racks stopped answering, and the attackers responded with an indescribable amount of firepower. Missile after missile impacted with the base's outer walls, destroying the generators, racks and creating serious cracks in the bases structure. Without fire support, those outside were forced to begin retreating inside. Within 7 minutes, all City Mercs had fled inside and were teleporting to Neocron via the generep (which thankfully has an independent power supply). The Khans forgave past crimes for the time and assisted the wounded Megaman through the GR. At 0830 precisely, the Military Base was declared lost on all counts. And the attackers turned south.

>>>> 0900 EGOS Realm, Higher Plain of Existence <<<<

The EGOS began to gather at ZeroSanity's beckoning. As they came together, a general hush came over them as they watched the proceedings from above. ZeroSanity, master of the numbers, took a rough tally. Over 2 million cyborg troops and their heavy support had flooded from the dome, and more was still coming. Not a single runner still existed above the J Parallel.

>>>> 0930 CityAdmin, Reza's Conference Room, Neocron <<<<

The heads of all City based clans and factions, including representatives from Crahn were summoned. Reza himself appeared at the meeting. All information is given including a full debrief from the City Mercs and Megaman. At 1000 Neocron declares that all clans must lay turrets at their outposts and then fall back to the city. An invitation offered to the Twilight Guardians to attend the meeting without repercussions is not accepted. Reza himself calls on all clans to set aside their differences for the course of the day and to arm themselves for heavy combat. NUBI, NDA, NUTS, CRC, The Exterminators, Psychosys Network, PIMP, MAXT, Synergy, Hunters Guild and The Khans are recognised as the forward wave in the defense due to their numbers and/or outpost holdings. By the time the meeting ends at 1015, all outposts from the H line south that have not already been destroyed are turreted and then abandoned. For the next 4 hours, Neocron itself will be in a mass frenzy of arming and preparation. Reza gives private instructions to Cassandra Edwards, who heads to Outzone Sector 7 under the guard of 8 STORMbots.

>>>> 1015 JERK's HQ, Twilight Guardians <<<<

Word reaches of the meeting between all other clans, with the exception of TG clans.
"Why would we not be invited?" Agent K asked.
"We were," Mehirc responds, "but TG leaders have chosen not to respond.
"What? Why? Our outposts have been annihilated by this threat. Why would we not be called to meet it?" Shadow argued.
"I don't know, but I'm not liking this. Do we still hold Jerikko?" Murkster asked.
"Then let us deploy there, and see for ourselves whats going on." And so JERK's moved to Jerikko Fortress to await the coming of the storm.

>>>> 1020 - 1200 J Parallel to F Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

During this time, every outpost within this region is annihilated. The mines are the only outposts left in working order, as transports arrive and workers head into the mineshafts. Collateral damage cannot be valued. At exactly 1200 hours, the front wave of the assault force arrives just outside the firing range of the Tech Haven turret defenses. For the first time since the first shots are fired, the assault force halts its advance.

>>>> 1200 Sector 2, Tech Haven <<<<

What is left of Technocracy, along with the newly formed Carebear Daycare, under the command of DX Defender and Agent Fukhead, watch the external feed on the terminals.
"How many are ready to fight?"
"Most of the populace is here, we've got them divided up between TH 1 and 3 entrances. We should be able to hold them out." Fukhead responded. Deo, formerly of ASS, came running up.
"I've spoken with the technicians, we can seal the pressure doors and slow any breach. We're in good shape."

>>>> 1205 Reactor Area, Tech Haven & Mainsewer Neocron <<<<

One pod surfaces in Tech Haven, 2 in Mainsewer Neocron. The contents of the Tech Haven one is Demo troopers and Scythe-bots. The contents of the Neocron pair are hacker units, demo troopers and plasma cyborgs. They begin working their way quietly to their targets. At 1210, the TH team has set charges with 3 minute timers on all TH reactors.

>>>> 1213 Tech Haven <<<<

The reactors explode in a nightmarish release of force, fire and radiation. Power to all systems is knocked out. The turret system collapses and the assault force charges forward. A robotic vehicle, similar in shape to the DoomReaper, begins scaling the side of the cliff and begins boring through the wall. Cyborgs flood to the entrances unopposed by turrets. The scythe bots scale the corridors towards TH2.

Tech Haven gravlifts are bypassed by Scythe bots in TH1 and the defenders who were largely packing energy projectile weapons are forced back fast by the lethal onslaught. Cyborgs pour down the ramps in TH3, though not without heavy casualties as the CareBear Daycare's live up to the opposite of their name. But all are forced into TH2. Fallen Angel Science Council initiates the pressure door seal and locks TH2 off.... until...

The gates from the Reactor burst open and floods of cyborgs burst through. The reactor explosion had ruptured a hole in the cliff and was allowing troops to flood in. The vehicle boring in from the outside finished its work and cyborgs drop in through the roof of TH2. Fallen Angels clans quickly realise that a.) their security bots, which are little match for Tangent or Black Dragons have no hope against cyborgs and b.) that continued fighting in such close quarters is a mistake, immediately decide to withdraw through the genereps to Neocron. 35% of those present are killed in the rush to get through the teleporters. At 1300 hours, one hour after the engagement began, the facility is taken. Fallen Angels request and are granted temporary assylum in Neocron and join the effort to prepare the last line of defence. Of those in the defence, only Mako Tanaka of NUTS does not return and is declared 'MIA'.

>>>> 1330 Twilight Guardians Entrance, E Parallel <<<<

Extremely heavy armour columns flow past TG, and hordes of cyborgs along with them. None turn an eye towards TG itself. TG runners either stay inside the city's walls or watch from the balcony's. None oppose the cyborgs. TG Command issues no orders whatsoever.

>>>> 1340 Subway System, Neocron <<<<

Wannabe, carrying on his work, hears of the disturbances, but as he is not relieved of his position, chooses not to abandon his job just because of some war going on in the Wastelands. As he works, once again at the mouth of one of the old lines, he thinks he hears faint thudding rumbles <<<<

>>>> 1340 Outzone Station, Neocron <<<<

"Ok guys, lets try and get organised here. NDA, you guys wanna take the western side of the entrance, NUTS will take the East?" NDA nodded their assent. Omega res led them out, Sl33py carrying the spare ammo.
"Khans, you and The Eradicators head over to the Outzone 8 exit?" They agreed and moved out. Bob The Builder and Belisarius took point.
"Hunters Guild and PsychoSys, you two hold the OZ 9 exit, defend the Chapel." Genty, Tweek, [PSYnet] Ciphyer and [PSYnet] Shakira led the way.

The forces of Neocron laid out across the line to protect the city wall. The city itself had a shield emitted around the wall to protect it from attack, so the only real weaknesses were the entrances. So the defenses were laid thick around the 3 gates. Now all that they needed to do was to wait.

>>>> 1500 Teh KillerBunneh's Warren, Unknown Mountain Cave <<<<

Teh Bunneh looked on at the cyborgs marching past his hole. He could have easily swatted thousands of them, but a message came to his hole
"Do not interfere." was all it said in a menacing voice.
"Yes My Master...." Teh Bunneh hissed.

>>>> 1530 Wastelands in General <<<<

All outposts north of the C Parallel are destroyed. All Mines are now under the active use of York forces, including intense work at Ceres Mine. All runners have fallen back to either Twilight Guardians, Neocron, or Jerriko Fortress.

>>>> 1600 Jerriko Fortress, B Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

JERK's open fire on the cyborg front lines. In a brilliant show of aggression by the clan, 58,000 cyborgs and Scythe-bots are destroyed. Shadow himself takes his Cursed Soul and leaps into the mass of cyborgs, releasing plasma at point blank range, raking up massive kills. But the battle at no point looks promising. Without even realising that there are now over 5 million cyborgs heading towards Neocron, the outpost is surrounded and the vendors have left. JERK's are running low on ammo, and right before they decide to retreat, two of Yorks mobile artillery cannons open fire with Uranium Shells and crush the North and East walls. JERK's make a dash for the generep, but it is annihilated before they can teleport. In desparation Murkster spawns an APC at the AGC and JERK's pile in, and make speed for Neocron.

>>>> 1614 Outzone Station Exit, A Parallel, Neocron ((((

The APC pulls up and JERK's get out. NDA and NUTS automatically go on high alert.
"Easy," Murkster yells, "this isn't the time for that. You know whats coming right?" They ease off.
"So what, you're here to help?"
"Our war for the outposts out there is between all of us. These guys are getting in the way. Lets take em down and then we'll deal with each other."
"Agreed." Reefsmoker called back, "You guys be the roaming team, move around."
"Very well," Shadow called out. And thus JERK's became the only TG clan in the defense against the Dome of York invasion. None realised how many cyborgs were heading their way, but none cared either. There was nowhere else to fall back to.

>>>> 1615 Subway, Neocron <<<<

Wannabe was heading off to his lunchbreak. As he passed the old abandoned shaft he heard the rumble getting stronger. He peeked his head down the shaft and saw literally thousands of cyborgs marching towards him. In stricken panic, he grabbed the fusion welder and threw it into the tunnel, he pulled his pistol and blasted it till it went critical and detonated the tunnel. Grabbing his com-unit he broadcast an emergency message to CityAdmin
"This is Wannabe, I just saw a shi*tload of cyborgs coming down the old subway lines. If they found a way in here, they can get in other ways. I've sealed the tunnel, but you need to get some STORM bots down here in case they break through. I'm getting the hell outta here!!!"

>>>> 1620 Neocron in General <<<<

The long range launchers opened fire on the City walls. The shield bounced them off easily. Cyborgs began charging in waves, but the hundreds of battle-ready runners easily picked them off from their elevated positions. Many had already fought them and were accustomed to their weaknesses now.
"We can hold them, everyone stay sharp!" Centuri yelled. Lady Hawk pulled out a scope and watched a giant launcher prepare. It was armed with 2 giant missiles, about half the size of the old ICBM shells in the war museum in Plaza 4.
"Pfft, what're they gonna do with that?"

>>>> 1624 Mainsewer, Neocron <<<<

The stealth attack took place in 60 seconds. They hit the power generators, couplings and exhaust ports. Neocron suffered massive power outages and the backup power was distributed to emergency services. The exhausts burst and cyborgs flooded into the Outzone.

>>>> 1625 Outzone Subway Exit, A Parallel, Neocron <<<<

The missiles launched and the shield fell. Reza who had come to the front line looked on in horror.

The two missiles crashed into the Neocron outer wall and split a gash in it the size of Typherra Memorial. 68 were killed in the blast. Cyborgs streaked towards the opening. In panic, Reza gave the order.
"Edwards, release the X-borgs!"

NERD Editor
01-04-03, 01:40
>>>> 1626 Outzone 7, Neocron <<<<

Cassandra released the X-borgs. Some months ago CityAdmin had acquired the blueprints to Ceres Cyborgs. That experiment ended in an outbreak at Ceres Mine. Those were the test types. The Y replicants had been the Prototypes. The X-borgs were the combat class. Twice as strong as Y reps and linked to a singular consciousness, they moved as one, they fought as one and they slaughtered as one. The X-borgs flooded into the Outzone and engaged the Cyborgs. The Outzone, already known as a slum, was turned into a living nightmare.

2nd and 3rd Waves of the X-borgs flooded out into the battlefield afront the wall. They were efficient savages, slaughtering without mercy. The troops of Neocron cheered as they began to turn back the invasion.... till they turned on the troops. The Khans took it worst, losing 11 members and wounding 20 more. Thus the battle had to be fought against Reza's latest mistake as well. Hope was fading fast.
"Cassandra, prepare it."
"Are you sure sir?" She asked.
"Failure is not an option." SpikeZ was listening in on the conversation.
"Very well, I shall prepare the missile for launch. Target?"
"Dome of York."
"Not the cyborgs?"
"If we fall, they will not be around to enjoy the victory. Target the CFM at Dome of York!" Reza growled. SpikeZ had already left for OZ 7.

NDA and JERK's pressed forward, taking as good as they got. The main problem came from the Beta Warbots, who's ability to hail endless fire was stemming any resistance movements.

The Eradicators and The Hunters Guild continued the long range assault, and wished they could hit the launchers, that were constantly forcing them to abandon their place of cover.

STORM bots began to march through Pepper Park heading for Outzone to stop the X-borgs and Cyborgs. Never before had so many units been seen at once.

It was at this time that a message from Mako Tanaka was received. Warlock, Evangelion and Diesel, who had pulled back into OZ station for healing and re-armament, received it.
"Mako, you ok?" Eva asked.
"Yeah, listen, guys, I got a plan. Can you get to Tech Haven?" she asked.
"Isn't it still swarming with cyborgs?" Warlock asked.
"In places yeah, but if you hit hard and fast we can secure TH2. From there we can get to the reactors."
"For what purpose?" Diesel asked.
"Before he died one of the members of the Council told me that there's a backup system for the turrets. If we get that online we can cut off a large portion of their forces."
Warlock summoned half of NDA and NUTS into OZ station. They also got Megaman. The force teleported through to TH at 1923.

>>>> 1929 Outzone Sector 7, Neocron <<<<

Cassandra was fueling the two missiles. Only one would be needed though. She was pondering how to cover her ass for this when the people realised what they had in their possession, but now was not the time. She was about to launch when SpikeZ and Danae tackled her.
"Going to wipe out Dome of York and leave the rest of us to be butchered huh? No teddybear for you honey!" Danae kicked Cassandra in the boobies. Spikez checked the gear.
"What the.... where the hell did you get two of these?" He glared at Edwards.
"Why sweetie? What are they?" Danae asked.
"These are the cause of the Cleansing Light. These are Cold Fusion Missiles." Danae would have dropped her nuts, had she nuts to drop. Here before them were two of the missiles that changed the fate of the world forever. SpikeZ however, saw that they were about to change their fortunes.... hopefully.
"This is SpikeZ to Reef and Centuri. I got some serious firepower here. I think I can thin out the reinforcements. Where shall I fire?"
"Aim between here and TH." Warlock had intercepted the message, "we got a plan. Hit there at 1940 and we'll cut off everything north of that. Then its just the stuff at the gates."

>>>> 1934 Sector 2, Tech Haven <<<<

From the A and B genereps, NUTS and NDA and Megaman poured in. The melee users went first, carving their way through TH2 to the Reactor entrance. Within 4 minutes they reached the emergency controls. Mako entered the code and the guns went online a minute later.

>>>> 1940 Wasteland in general <<<<

The turrets around Tech Haven opened up and began slaughtering cyborgs and heavy armour. Then two missiles sailed over and impacted in D 06 and C 09. The earth shook throughout the known world as pillars of light rose miles into the sky. Over 2 million Dome of York troops were obliterated and a further million were cut off in the northern wastes by the Turrets of Tech Haven.

>>>> 1942 Outzone Subway Entrance, A Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

Everyone took cover when the missiles hit. None understood the severity of what had just taken place but Reza, who pale faced ran back to his apartment, guards in tow. That should have been the moment of victory to celebrate, but still there were over a million troops to deal with at the gate, and the defenders could not hold out. Tired, hurt, dying and low on ammo, some had already begun falling back through the gate.
"We cannot hold here!" Sl33py yelled.
"There's nowhere else to go!" Nerac yelled back.
"We pull back to Pepper, we can try and hold them in the streets." And Sl33py forced people to retreat back with him. Dismayed, Reefsmoker, Centuri and the remaining forces had no choice but to follow. The sea of enemies flooded towards the gates.

Just as Hurricane reached the OZ station outer gate, the light and air behind him bent and reformed and those running away turned to look.
"EGOS TO THE FRONT LINES!!! PREPARE TO FIRE!!!" CheapLoveMotel yelled. The members of the 3rd Circle of EGOS, Iorghe, Canonist, Excelsier, Freenode, Mercuri and Sprite leapt to the balcony's, rifles in hand. The 2nd Circle of EGOS, Ice Angel, Dangermoon, CloudRunner, Armitage, Legatus and Magnolia leapt to the ditches and raised their cannons and Psi Modules. The 1st Circle of EGOS, CheapLoveMotel, Critter, DeepBlue, MoonUnit, Pyro, ZeroSanity, Laemin and BlackIvory appeared, spawned ammunition for the runners who were quickly returning and then leapt to the front lines.
"Lets take it to em.... YEEEHAH!!!" CheapLoveMotel yelled running forwards all guns blazing. MoonUnit and ZeroSanity transformed into Hoverbots and began bombarding from above. More and more runners joined the fight. Laemin charged headlong at the enemy.
"Just once, please work right...." and activated his changer. He transformed into an Apparition and unleashed death on the Cyborgs.
"Yay me!!!"

And so it was that the EGOS came to the battle and assisted the Neocron people in destroying the cyborgs. By 2217, the forces of Neocron had linked up with NUTS and NDA at TH and were pressing forward to the northern wastes to liberate the Military Base.

>>>> 2359, Plaza lvl 4 apartment, Reza's Office, Neocron <<<<

The message blinked again and Reza entered the 3 word password.
"You impress me again Reza. Truly you are a ruthless man. Cold Fusion Missiles. You have proven yourself to me again. You shall continue to be my chosen one." Reza's Master ended the transmission. Reza sat back with a mild grin. All in all it had been a good day.

>>>>0000, 3rd District, Dome of York <<<<

"I have failed you My Master." the shadowy individual hung his head in shame.
"Yes, you did. But I am not through with you yet. Reza is weak. He showed mercy and compassion. He had the missiles to wipe you from the face of the planet but he chose to use them on your cyborgs to save his life. He will pay, and you will be the instrument of his punishment." The Master ended the transmission.

The shadowy individual sat back and pondered his future. He had been granted a second chance by his Master. A Master he knew next to nothing about. He didn't even know his name. The only guess he took to his name was based on the codeword to open the transmission.... (M)agnitus (J)upitus (S)ervitus....


Until next time.....

NERD Editor
01-04-03, 08:13
(wakes up after collapsing from typing exhaustion)

Ahh ok so..... soo.....


Oh bugger.
Sorry folks, it has just realised to me that *ahem* I haven't actually posted the whole issue....

So.... I'll put Issue 20: Epitath up in just a little bit. Sorry about that....

Damn character limits on posts.

NERD Editor
01-04-03, 09:18
NERD Issue # 020: Epitath

>>>> 0130 Escador Oasis, K Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

The forces of Neocron had split up 20 minutes ago. The Khans had lead a squad to the Military Base to reclaim their home, while the majority pressed the chase against the cyborg invaders. Night had fallen and the journey was slowing down. Many were exhausted and the hope of catching the cyborgs before they returned to base was growing thin. Worse still was no one was exactly sure where they were going. The Neocron force had managed to destroy a few hundred thousand cyborgs more during the pursuit, but it still looked like over half a million would make it back intact.
"Stop stop, this is pointless." Centuri halted the advance.
"What, we can still wreck more of the little bastids!" Byron called out.
"But not enough. We'll not stop them all so whats the point? We'd be better off returning and getting to work on the repairs. They're gonna come again some time and we need to be ready for that." Everyone reluctantly agreed that Centuri was right. The march back to Tech Haven was much slower, but also uneventful, which was a welcome change of pace.

The force reached Tech Haven at 0317 and teleported to their respective areas. The Military Base and Tech Haven were for the most part uninhabitable, so the refugees returned to Neocron until they could begin repairs. The ConCentre would have a lot of squatters this night. Three clans however chose to walk back from Escador past TG, in order to see their temporary allies back to their base. NUTS, NDA and JERK's marched along and eventually came to the entrance. At the sight of it, NDA and NUTS stopped short.
"You sons of bitches!" And they drew their weapons. JERK's responded and they stood at gunpoint, none firing.
"What the hells up with you?" Shadow yelled.
"THATS Whats up with us! The whole worlds been torn apart, our cities are barely inhabitable, yet THERES TG, not a F*cking scratch on it! How do you explain that you bastards!" Omega Res yelled back. They hadn't realised it yet, but JERK's looked and saw that not a shot had been fired at their base. But puzzled or not, they would not lower their weapons.
"We fought for you this day. You at least owe us this much..." And Murkster began to back towards TG, lowering his Module slightly.
"Fine, go. But this is not over Twilight vermin!" Nightfire spat on the ground. JERK's, angry and confused, entered the city. They immediately marched into Headquarters and demanded an explanation.
"What just happened, huh? The wasteland is a smoking pit and you guys are sitting here, not a scratch! Were we in on this whole attack? Why didn't you say anything?"
"You have served your purpose JERK's. The Neocronians are as confused as you are. By fighting with them, they cannot determine the truth. The truth we shall now give you...."

>>>> 0358 Plaza lvl 4 apartment, Reza's Office, Neocron <<<<

Cassandra and Reza sat across each from each other at Reza's desk.
"That was too close Cassandra." Reza sighed.
"Yes sir, it was fortunate that the missiles were used on the Cyborgs after all. I don't think even the EGO's could have stopped them all if they had not been thinned out by the missiles."
"Fortunate? No that was not Fortunate. Our enemy still survives. We have not Ended this battle we have only survived it. And I intend to WIN it at all costs. Now I must answer questions about where we got the CFM's from and I don't have the glory of the Dome's Destruction to show for it," and Reza thought on what His Master would think of all this, "We need to reinforce ourselves. We need more troops on our side."
"Sir, where can we just come up with troops. It took months to come up with the X-borgs and they still don't work."
"Oh they work, just not in a conventional sense. They're psychopathic, which makes them dangerous to use around our own troops, but they could be most efficient if dropped in the right place...."
"Well, I can begin production of more X-Borgs, but that still does not answer how we will increase our standing fighting force, sir." Reza reached over to his terminal and opened a channel.
"This is Reza, do you copy?"
"Yes sir, you've been offline for sometime sir, but we're reading you clear. What can we do for you?"
"It's time. I need you to start the reanimation process. Get those people out here, asap."
"Very good sir, I am hereby double checking the order, you wish Reanimation to begin on the entire population in storage?"
"Correct." Reza said with finality.
"Very good sir, MC5 over and out."
"Now Cassandra, get me in contact with NEXT command."

>>>> 0420 Jerriko Fortress, B Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

A signal came from NEXT HQ to the NUTS who were still on the march.
"Yes sirs? What can we do for you?"
"This is a joint command from CityAdmin, Tangent Technologies and NEXT. You and NDA are to proceed to Simmons Factory and occupy it. Allow the engineers to use the facility and guard it until their work is complete. The operation should not take more than an hour."
"Sirs, Simmons is under PIMP's control. Are they aware we're coming?"
"No and we don't have time to ask. Simmons is the only undamaged Factory left. We need it and need it now. Get there and take it."
"Understood. NUTS and NDA out."

>>>> 0431 Simmons Factory, A Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

Had PIMP still been in a position to form a resistance they might have reacted to the alarms, but as it was, Simmons was taken from their control with ease. NDA and NUTS deployed around the facility and NEXT engineers moved inside. For 54 minutes they worked endlessly.
"What are they doing?" Sl33py yawned, "I wanna go home already. What is sooo important we have to stay out here in the Wastes, which smell like someone kicked over a crapbox right now."
"Can't be helped. Smells from all the upturned terrain across the Wastes. Its in the air now. Gonna be hard to breathe out here next few weeks. And orders are orders." Pitspawn called back.
"Ok guys, we're done, wanna step out of the way of the ramp?" the technicians beckoned Reefsmoker, Lisa Davitt and Shodough to get out of the way."
"Ok so what was so important?" Reef looked on as giant thudding noises came up to and then down the ramp. He, like everyone else, looked on in shock.

>>>> 0525 Plaza lvl 4 apartment, Reza's Office, Neocron <<<<

".... casualty counts are in the hundreds, but thankfully all but 2 were able to achieve replicator locks and respawn. The monetary cost however is..." Cassandra was cut off by the terminal beeping. Reza answered it, already knowing the monetary cost was beyond measure.
"Sir, we have completed our work," the technician stated, "what are your orders?" Reza looked at Cassandra and grinned.
"Unleash the Mechs." were his only words.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
01-04-03, 09:47
Well not exactly an Issue Bib, just the end of the other one, which got cut off due to the character count and forgotten for a few hours.

Anywhy, thats my little twist on the plotline. Now I get to sit back and see if any of my predictions come true :)

Please do keep in mind, the whole thing is just based on observations from Pluto server and reading Neocronicle. No secret information involved there.

On other news:
At the sight of the *ahem* 20th page on this post looming up, work has begun on a NERD website, one filled with chocolate cookies, banners every other line, and links to 300 invalid porn sites that all need 3 programs to enter. Hopefully it should be good. I'm also hoping to add some new features to it to make it more interesting than just the stories alone.

And on the business of the songs:
I think Danae wants to strangle me already, after seeing some of the lyrics to certain songs. So, I'm actually going to ask: Is anyone interested in singing the lyrics to any of the Megaman songs? You need a microphone and a willingness to have your voice slapped down on a song for all to hear. Applications to me: Auditions to start once we have responses.

Ok, now back to the more humourous side of things again with Issue 21.

NERD Editor
01-04-03, 11:02
*smacks Bib upside the head with the anvil of 'obsession'*

Great merciful Baboon Cigars man! You really think I'm gonna write another one today???? I'm insane, not stupid.

Next issue won't be out for at least 12 hours. Go to bed already.

NERD Editor
01-04-03, 22:40
Yes, like that, but made by Thanatos and bearing the 3 secret melee mods of 'buff' 'shine' and 'polish' which give it a friction free impact to knock your uberness right outta you.

NERD Editor
01-04-03, 23:45


Thats IT. I've had it! No one buys NERD merchandise, the world doesn't revolve around me and I've now got Genital herpes......

(runs around slamming doors and deleting accounts)

Goodbye Neocron, I'm gone forever.....

(runs out the door and around the block)


(comes running back inside slamming more doors, and out of breath)

Oh yeah, April fools.

Until next time....

NERD Editor
01-04-03, 23:51
Heh, I always satire things around me and I've seen a fair few of those today.

Tbh I find April fools posts to be in extremely poor humour. There's one that says Neocron is closing down by April on a fansite, and the only clue that they're joking is the date of posting. (and yes they ARE joking, for all those pessimists out there).

Anyways, back to work I go.

NERD Editor
02-04-03, 03:33
Ok, question for you all:

Are you all happy enough with the current mix between drama-plot issues and comedy issues or would you prefer a change up?

In the last 20 issues, there's been 1 that was sort of plot (the reason for amok copbots story) and Issue 20. The other 18 were just for laughs.

Is that an ok balance for ya all, or would you prefer more Issue 20-like stories?

Just curioous ya see.

NERD Editor
02-04-03, 13:04
Ok, here we go folks, let the story continue. I'd Like to remind everyone again that NERD is a work of fiction. It is not in any way official. So when you get to the end of this one, don't start asking when 'thats' gonna happen.

NERD Issue # 021

The Coming of the Dawn

At long last, the sun began to rise over Neocron. The war had only lasted 24 hours from beginning to end, but the toll was indescribable.


From City Admin's point of view, the city had been saved! Which was a good thing. But now the paperwork started, which to many in the office seemed worse than the idea of being annihilated. The Public Relations department was in desperate need of some good old fashioned political BS to smooth over ruffled feathers.
The missile strike was beginning to raise questions, but fortunately few knew enough about it to make a definitive case just yet. But the questions would come. The X-borgs were destroyed, and protests from all factions came to CA demanding the cyborg program be discontinued. CityAdmin issued a statement saying that they agreed the Cyborg program was too dangerous and would discontinue. At the same time Reza ordered manufacture of the Battlelords to begin, the next generation of cyborgs. The remaining batches of X-borgs were moved to the bowels of Outzone 7 where none could reach them. STORMbot production increased and added security was enforced around Outzone station.
From a maintenance point of view, Neocron was in a fairly reasonable condition. Aside from the gaping gash in the city wall, allowing every dragonfly, drom and pervert Anarchy breed to peep in on E.b.e's bathroom, and the Outzone looking more screwed than before (which isn't exactly saying much) and a collapsed subway tunnel that wasn't being used in the first place, the city had only to rehook the power generators back into the city grid and things were back to normal. The contract for repairs to the city wall were contracted out to another faction.

Tangent Technologies.

The Main Office recalled NDA from the field shortly after the Mechs rolled off the line. They were received by the Head Office and congratulated, and told to expect big things in the future. The other Tangent clans received similar warm praise from their bosses. The production of Mechs also meant a huge surge in business, with NEXT now requiring a stable supply of armaments for the chassis. With the threat of war still looming, Tangent Technologies was in happy days. For what better time for a weaponry manufacturer than a war?
Tangent homes were not affected by the attack, as Via Rosso and Plaza were unscathed. Hence NDA returned home to rest and recovery, before the victory celebrations later on...

Proto Pharma.

Proto Pharma was one of the two factions that did not rest that morning. For 12 hours more they were hard at work producing and distributing medical supplies to the wounded. The clans worked in 2 hour shifts, 2 clans to a shift to keep work flowing. Once a shift ended, the clan collapsed at their homes (also unscathed) and awaited that evening...


BioTech worked alongside ProtoPharma to produce replacement implants for those lost or destroyed during the conflict. Never before had such an orgy of people jabbing their tools into other people occurred. When the narrator wrote this, Evangelion started giggling, yet she still hasn't read it. The clans then followed Proto's lead and retired till the evening.

Diamond Real Estate.

For Diamond Real Estate, the war was not the problem, it was the beginning of a great new day. Solo runners demanded the security of clanlife now and clankey sales went through the roof. Residents determined that living in Pepper Park was too close to the Outzone, where all the fighting had broken into the city through, and thus wanted to move to Plaza and Via Rosso. Employees did not have to strain to hold their cheezy grins on their faces at the thoughts of the commissions coming there way. It was a good day for Diamond members everywhere.

Tsunami Syndicate.

PIMP was up in arms over the annexing of Simmons. Once they had licked their wounds, they armed with full intent on annihilating NUTS, NDA and Reza for that matter. However, before their assault began, Shodough was sent to them.
"THIEF! USURPER!! Prepare to die!" Carinth yelled.
"IDIOT!!!" Shodough's terets had been edited from the logs of the war the day prior, for it had gotten worse under stress.
"Who u callin an idiot?"
"I bring you JACKASS a gift for your WHORE clanmates."
"You better start making sense and less with the lip." Shodough handed over a packet.
"Its the codes to the Simmons WUSSY defense system, so you can take A HIKE it back. Also, CityAdmin, NEXT and Tangent BALLS... send your clan the first Mech key." Shodough bit his lip and hoped he'd feel a little better tomorrow. Carinth calmed down, nodded and called for hostilities to end.
PIMP travelled to Simmons to take their op back. Lullysing, fried from his lack of dope, immediately ran to the machines, grabbed a vial and injected himself.
"Ohh yeah my bitchies, dis is da stuff yo, I ....arrrrrggghhhhh...." He went into convulsions, his eyes rolled back in his head and he fell to the ground foaming at the mouth with an odd little grin on his face. Carinth looked at the othe vials.
"You idiot, they changed the setting when they were makin mechs. This aint da dope, its carburretor fluid." Lullysing didn't hear or care. Carinth looked at him, looked at the vials, grabbed one and injected himself.
"Oh what the hel.....arrrrrrrgggghhhh......."

A runner sent to summon Tsunami to a meeting found the entire clan laid out, doped out of their minds on carburretor fluid. Instead of taking them to the meeting, he took a dozen vials with him.

Black Dragons.

As if the war wasn't bad enough, the day after was worse. Pepper property prices had dived almost 300%. No one wanted to be anywhere near the Outzone, the few remaining X-borgs running wild, the gash in the city wall, or the odd sounds coming from below Pepper. People swore they could still hear the thudding march of the cyborgs coming from below them from time to time. CRC, the only clan still in a condition to fight, was deployed to investigate the sounds, but could not discover any source. They wrote it off to simple echoes from the work beggining on the reconstruction. Nonetheless, it would be a trying time for BD in the coming weeks. And their anger to Dome of York burned all the more.

Crahn Sect.

The Abbey had been destroyed. The generep was still working, and work could continue, but the living quarters were uninhabitable. Given their assistance at a time of need, the Crahn sect were permitted to set up temporary residence in the ConCentre till the workcrews could effectively repair their living quarters. Crahn planned to spend their time assisting in the repair work in any way possible. CityAdmin was grateful, and tensions between the two sides lessened slightly, though neither trusted to turn their back on the other.


NERD Editor
02-04-03, 13:05

Synergy was working on the Mech production by hand. It was nauseatingly slow work without a factory, but NEXT did not want to push its luck with PIMP after the annexing last night. MAX-T was assigned to work on the Abbey of Crahn and the greater Outzone area, both in reconstruction and the elimination of the remaining X-borgs.
And then there were NUTS. They had drawn the lot of wall defense and wall repair. So, they piloted the Mechs into position, and took up defensive positions. None really feared another attack from the Dome today, but many believed Twilight Guardians, who's motives yesterday were still under debate, might take advantage of their weakness. Meanwhile, the other NUTS (that came out wrong....) began the reconstruction of the missing wall section.
"Eva, EVA!! Lay off the drill a minute!" Vain yelled over. Eva did not respond, instead having an exstatic look on her face as she manned the pneumatic drill.
"Whats with her?" Mako Tanaka inquired.
"If I had to hazard a guess," Ithaqua said, "I'd say she's getting more pleasure out of that than the Dildo of Maven."
"MORE PLEASURE THAN..... but the Dildo of Maven is the ultimate pleasure machine, and you can use it in the dark too!" Everyone, including Eva turned to look at the priestly Mako with inquiry.
"Well... I mean.... thats just what I heard, ... its not like.... EEEEEEKKK!" and she ran off to go sing a hymn or 5 (which oddly enough caused the last X-borg to die, not that she was aware of that).
Warlock the Hermit had gone out into the wastelands looking for materials to use in the project. As one of the oldest runners in NUTS, he was well accustomed to all areas of the wastelands, but today was hard going. The very world he had wandered for years now looked completely different. A War had changed the shape of the world once before, and now another one had repeated the mistake. Angered by the destruction of his world, he marched many miles north to a mountain area. Taking his remaining chocolate rashions, connecting them to a string and leaving them in the open, he waited. And sure enough, Teh Bunneh appeared. No chocolate had passed his way in over a day, so he was very eager. As he reached for the chocolate, Warlock leapt forward and grabbed him by his fluffy tail.
"BAHHH!!! You again! You did this years ago!"
"And you don't learn, now eat the chocolate and listen up." Teh Bunneh began eating, but had no intention of obeying the other instruction. Warlock seized The Long Eared One by The Long Ears and bellowed into them.
"PAY ATTENTION OR ITS WABBIT STEW TIME!!!!" Bunneh's eyes watered and his brain turned to mush.
"Ouuughgghh.... ok ok I listen. What?"
"You have the power to talk to The DEVS. Do it. Get them to intercede. Better late than never."
"The Devs love war. They will not step in to stop it." Bunneh honestly answered.
"True, but if they want to see any fighting any time soon, they'll have to do something about THAT..." and he pointed at the dustcloud, rising to the heavens as far as the eye could see. Bunneh twitched.
"How will I find Choco in that???"
"How indeed...."
"I will do whats i cans. Now go, before you wear out your welcome." And Warlock left, getting lost in a dustbreeze and ended up walking into a Doomreapers ass. Fortunately he wasn't the first one to do that today, so it was starting to enjoy the sensation (don't ask how I know that...)

Fallen Angels.

For most people, having carnage and slaughter as far as the eye can see in your supposedly protected halls would bring you near to tears. However, for Fallen Angels in Tech Haven, thats a daily occurence, so aside from the gaping hole in the side of the mountain and certain power failures, it was life as always. Carebear Daycare took over security duty and cleanup of the cyborg carcasses. Dark clan began repairing the facility. Megaman began pk'ing people. Life returned to normal.

City Mercs.

Roused by the war, the Mercs didn't even bother trying to repair the Base. They grabbed all the ammo they could and in one voice, with one purpose and only one toilet break, went hunting for any Cyborgs that were remaining. They marched, shot at anything that moved, sang warsongs and enjoyed every minute of it. Then they marched to Neocron for that evenings celebrations.

Twilight Guardians.

All members remained within the walls of their city. By order of Headquarters they were to wait to see Neocron's reactions. By instruction from the now recovering Ronald Rodriguez "We shall not move ourselves, but wait to see what news our allies bring us."
Many were curious what they meant by 'allies'...

The Celebration and EGOS.

That night all of Neocron celebrated their survival. CityAdmin made up for their mistakes by hosting a hell of a party. The Copbots were serving drinks instead of packing plasma rifles. The STORM bots were all outside the areas performing security, rather than imposing themselves on the masses inside. Reza did not join the festivities, but Cassandra Edwards was more than happy to get sloshed and party with Wannabe, saviour of the Subway, like it was 2003.
MoonUnit was kicking back in 'sushi' style. With 14 bargirls around him, he felt that saving an entire city of people was something he should be doing on a more regular basis. Sprite, NoGravity and the rest of the 3rd Circle EGOS were challenging runners to Neofrag (3rd Circle EGOS are the only ones any good at Neofrag. Something to do with the others actually doing work instead (Giant red subtitles slam down "TRIALS MOCKED!!!")
CheapLoveMotel was in exstasy as he stood in Medicare, comparing gun sizes with Megaman, Shadow and N00bish. Naturally he won (no mortal has a bigger gun than Teh Motel babey!).
Laemin was standing in a corner looking at one of his command crystals.
"Damnit, you worked yesterday.... DOOMREAPER!" And he turned into a roach.
"Crap, HOVERBOT!" and became a metalpipe that Smokey tried to walk off with. After getting free....
"APPARITION!!!" and turned into a stripper. He gave up and returned to his STORM bot self.
"Laemin, dude, whats with your pants?" Paradox asked.
"Huh?" and he looked down to see he was wearing Copbot pants, "Oh I give up...."
"Listen, you guys kicked ass yesterday. I wanna test myself against you." Paradox challenged Laemin to a fight. Figuring it was better than trying to control his morph controls, he agreed.

A crowd formed in Outzone Station to watch. Paradox pulled out a Tangent Laser Cannon, xray modded with all the tweakings. Laemin pulled out a Long Laserblade 2.
"Haha, I is gonna pwns u Laemin!" Paradox yelled.
"I R L337. Onlyz Iz anz Precious talks da l337sp33ks."
"SHUT UP!!!" everyone yelled.
The battle began. Laemin had deactivated his invulnerability, but still had his superior speed and strength. Paradox waited for him to back towards a corner, and fired. Laemin raised his blade and deflected the shot. The crowd stood in awe.
"We stand in awe!" McDanish stated the obvious. He got thrown over the balcony.
Shot after shot beamed towards and were deflected away from Laemin. Paradox stopped firing and gasped. Laemin turned to the side, looking into an invisible camera and said:
"Star Wars: Galaxies, eat your heart out!" (Big Red Subtitles "SHAMELESS COMPETITION MOCKAGE!") Paradox went to pull his Malediction when the STORM bots, curious as to what was going on walked in and blasted him.
"YES!! I win!" Laemin yelled. Paradox went to appeal the decision, but then collapsed.

And thus (Y) day plus 1 passed by with celebrations long into the night. The next day work continued on and all were busy with their homes.

The Devs.

After having Teh Bunneh knawing on his ankle for 6 hours straight, Thanatos appeared above the Wastelands. He wound up, the pitch.... ITS GOOD! And he cast The Tuning Fork of Creation into the Land. It struck a Drom in the head and killed it instantly. Soulburner ran away from work to hump it. Thanatos tried again. He cast the Tuning Fork into the ground where it stuck and resonated. It unleashed a tidal wave of energy across the Wastelands. Many had to shield their eyes from the disturbance. When it passed they looked, and saw the Wastelands returned to their former self, as if the War had never taken place. The cities were still in ruin, but The Devs had deemed it reasonable to 'roll-back' the Wastelands, to facilitate future conflict.


The only being seen walking the Wastelands (aside from Souls quickie with the Drom) was MJS. Clad in black, shrouded in fog and smelling of Old Spice (the nasty sailor variety that no sane man would think smelled good), he observed his handiwork first hand with an evil grin showing through his evil goatee and matching his evil Armani Powerarmour, that went with his evil custom shoes. In short.... he was evil.
As he walked along the shores, he walked over to a metallic object. And at the sight of it he laughed.
"Hah, I laugh."
"Hey thats my line!!!" McDanish yelled out. He got smacked.
"It seems another of my pawns wants to be played." And he walked away from the wreck. The wreck was of a Trans-continental Stealth Long Range Drone. It must have been accidentally hit during the firefight, for they are normally undetectable. On the side, in slightly burnt out letters it read "Observer Drone H-14838. Tok-o 2" What it means, only MJS knows.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
02-04-03, 22:15
At the moment, only 2 songs have been recorded, and unless we get some volunteers, that may be all there is. The links to those two songs are.... somewhere in this post.

I've been informed the NERD site may well be ready soon, so you all won't have to keep digging through the ever growing post to find what you're looking for

The site will have all the stories set out, and if all goes to plan will have a comedy character bio's section, a reality check section detailing where some of this stuff was inspired from and an Encyclopedia of the NERD universe of all terms and references (I really am suicidal....)

Anywho, later today I shall complete Issue 22 and crush Bibliotequa once and for all (eyes glow with burning rage)

NERD Editor
02-04-03, 23:53
Yes it was pointed out to me that your ingame name was Jujuwalker. HOWEVER, once I know any of your names, they're all up for use.

And I should hope you're not a junkie. Carburettor fluid is not good for the bowels.

NERD Editor
03-04-03, 00:01
*Targetting reticle locks onto Bibliotequa*

Oh no no, little man, I've got something far worse than the NERF bat in store for you.
Let the terror begin.....

NERD Editor
03-04-03, 10:02
NERD Issue # 022

NERD Editor Vs. Bibliotequa

Several weeks had passed since the attack. Life in the world had returned to a state of normality. Things went on, much as they had this past age, what with the comings and goings, the gankings and thievings, the prostitution and constitution that Neocron knew so well.

On this particular day, Bibliotequa was walking into Plaza 1. As he entered, several runners noticed him coming in. Now, at this point, the NERD staff, having a vendetta against Bibliotequa so great, it might actually be noteworthy, have decided that Bibliotequa is a.) a weird name b.) too long to write out all the time and c.) is a good opportunity to start the mockage. As a result from now on, Bibliotequa will be referred to as 'Betty'. We thank you for your attention.
"Hi Betty!" CryptoCronic yelled.
"Hi Betty!" The Light snickered.
"HI BETTY!!!" The copbots had apparently been programmed with the ability to say that.
"Hi Everybody! Today is a good day to be alive." Everyone went 'awwww', "I would like to give you all a gift," everyone went 'yay', "I would like to play for you my kickass collection of Hanson classics." Everyone started backing away slowly.
"Erm.... I have to um... wax my asshairs, bye." Murkster skipped away.
"I ahh I err, I can't lie very well, so I'm just terrified by Hanson and must flee!" Flyk screamed.
"Ok, ok. I won't play Hanson." Betty calmed them down, "Instead I'll tell you all a story." again with the 'awww's'. Oddly enough, the entire population of Neocron, being highly addicted to stories (or at least the entire population of Neocron who will read what I'm typing here are addicted to stories) formed a circle around Betty. Now again, by circle, I don't mean anything resembling a circular shape. I mean something more along the lines of a deformed egg shape thats been sat on by a 500 pound drunk called Ralph.
"Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there was a guy named Rico. Rico was a guy with amazing powers. And he lived in the age of BETA! (lots of 'ooh's' from the crowd)(BETA if you recall stands for BEfore Terran Animation) Now Rico would come down and use his amazing powers to show off to the world! He'd come running along faster than any vehicle, pull out a stilleto and strike down a Warbot in one slash (giggles from people who thought Betty was joking). But the coolest thing Rico did was this: Rico was the first person to ever transform into a Copbot and beat three STORM bots single handedly! (The crowd cheers)..."
At this time a mighty yell came from the balcony of Medicare. All looked up to behold NERD Editor, glaring at Betty.
"When the hour is time, the sheep call home, but if the sheperd has no sauce, the banquet cannot begin!" Editor yelled. Everyone just looked at him blankly.
"What the hell r u talking about?" Betty wailed.
"Only the listener can understand, the talker shall never know." Again with the confused looks.
Now, at this time we shall explain. Thanks to the long hours and effect of the ink fumes from the Printing presses, when NERD Editor is not telling stories, he cannot speak in logical form, and must resort to pointless cryptic comments. It's a sad life, but if it weren't so, NERD would not exist. So we lock him up and chain him to a fridge so he can't get away. Thank you for your attention.
At this point, NERD Editor took a deep breath and began to tell the TRUE story of the coolest thing Rico ever did.
"Once upon a timewarp, in the age of BETA, Rico walked tall among runners. One time he came across the city of Neocron calm and at peace. And he could not stand it. Rico went to the Wastelands and captured a TerrorMauler and a Raptor and dragged them into Plaza 1 where he turned them loose. At first, the two behemoths fought the copbots, till all the copbots were destroyed. Then they turned on each other, in a gladiatorial battle for survival, with Rico standing on the Skywalk handing out popcorn as everyone enjoyed the show he had put on for them. Eventually the TerrorMauler won (cheers from the TerrorMaulers Forever fanclub) and then it turned on the players. Rico invited everyone to attempt to find a way to kill the creature in the weapon suppression area. First, they tried healing it to death. Rico promptly booted their senile asses. Then brave runners, after Rico showed the way attempted to employ a combat move from the 20th Century, learned from the Ceres Discs. It came from a n entertainment medium called 'wrestling' and was called 'The Peoples Elbow'. Hence hundreds of runners leapt off the skywalk, attempting to deliver the Peoples Elbow to the TerrorMauler at terminal velocity. They all failed, and Rico laughed as his little event raked up the kills. Eventually Rico saw that no mortal runner was up to the challenge, so he grabbed two hack tools and shoved one in the creatures nostril, the other up its rectum and activated them. The resulting electric shock killed the creature and the runners cheered (and the listeners cheered as well.)." And Editor finished his tale, to great applause.
"NERD Editor, this is MY moment in the spotlight! You shall not interfere!" Betty threw a hissy fit.
"In the hour of scampering, the first to cry are the first to die!" Editor retorted.
"I challenge you Editor, to a contest of Skill!"
"When challenged I be, the wise would flee, but here you be, and that rhymes three... err 4."
"I hereby challenge you to .... The Great Neocron Singalong!" Gasps from the crowd. It had been a long age since the last contest was held, due to the disastrous end to that one. But the challenge was made and accepted. Thus, the only man fit to judge in the world was summoned to Plaza 1.
"EYYYYYY!!!!!" Megaman took the seat and the contest began. Betty cleared his throat and laid down the first sonnet:
"I think that I shall never see,
Your plasma shots are blinding me...."
"BOOOO!!! Copyright, PAY UP!!!" Megaman hauled out his book "Megaman's War Poems", flicked to page 295 and showed everyone that very verse, "no points." And then it was Editors turn.
"Oh I must kill you, let me count the ways...
Cannon, Lightning, fire and blood,
All modded with x-rays.
Oh I must grief you, oh so many kills...
In the sewers, in the cores,
On mountains and the hills.
Oh I must spam you, my chat shall come your way,
Swearing, bitching, Caps Lock on,
And telling you you're gay..."
"Oooh, eeyyy, point to the NERD, and you managed to glorify griefing, so bonus point." Megaman totalled up the score, "ok so we're still tied at nil." Math was not his strong point. It was Betty's turn.

(The Following Song "Weaker" is done to the tune of "Stronger" by Britney Spears. Original concept by Bibliotequa aka "Betty". Full lyrics written by NERD, a subsidiary of LaeminCorp. All Rights Reserved.)

(Psycho Killa runs in and takes over the job of playing the kiddy drum set)
Oooh EYYYYY Yeah!!

"I should just stop.
There's nothing more for me to play, ai ai.
I've had enough.
I'm not their property so why do they... oh oh.

They might, think that I am uber, when I own,....

But now I'm Weaker than Yesterday,
KK nerfs me in every way.
All Cursed Souls ain't killing you no more.
Ay ay... Weaker. Than I ever thought that I could be, ai ai.

I used to go with the flow,
Pow-er-leveling my stats.
You might think that they can't break it, but you're wrong....

Cause now I'm Weaker than Yesterday,
KK nerfs me in every way.
All lightning bolts don't hurt your ass no more.
Ay ay... Weaker.

Oh come on now....

Oh yeah...
Here I go, gonna pwn.
I don't need nobody, gotta heal alone.

Oh crap....
Just can't pwn, Just can't pwn, JUST CAN'T OWN, JUST CAN'T OWN, JUST CAN'T OWN!!!

Weaker than Yesterday,
Made a flame post at KK,
My uberness ain't killin you no more.
Weaker than Yesterday,
Man this patch ain't goin my way,
My uberness ain't killin you no more.
Weaker than Yesterday,
Man this patch ain't goin my way,
My uberness ain't killin you no more.
Eyyy Eyyy, WEAKER!!!"

(Editor note: Bibliotequa sent me a sample of the chorus and I thought it was good enough to make a song out of, but that meant having to listen to 'The Spears' again. Thus the reason why he's the target of this issue. He must pay for this.....)

The crowd moaned in agony. Truly the adage was true "Good songs are immortal, but bad songs linger like a bad odour". Megaman nonetheless was impressed. Now it was Editors turn.

(The Following song "Synched-out Girl" is done to the tune of "Barbie Girl" by Aqua. Lyrics written by NERD, a subsidiary of LaeminCorp. All Rights Reserved.)

Hiya babey!
Hi Ben!
Wanna go for a ride?
Sure Ben!

I'm a Synched-Out Girl, in a Synched-Out World,
Damn I'm naggy, its so laggy,
Crap I got no hair, the same things to wear...
Limitation, on character creation...

Stop your groaning,
lets try zoning...

I'm a Synched-Out Girl, in a Synched-Out World,
Damn I'm naggy, its so laggy,
Crap I got no hair, the same things to wear...
Limitation, on character creation...

I'm a bland muscly girl all alone in this world,
Gentank girls with chest hairs are so scary.

Try to fight, shoot away, with the gun of this jeep,
Lets go here, lets go there, with my tankey!

You can crush, kill all day, if you win the synching wars... oh no!

I'm a Synched-Out Girl, in a Synched-Out World,
Jeep is zoning, start the moaning
When we get to there, we'll be everywhere
Its a nightmare for this whole car to zone there.

Join my party, lets shoot Carly
Huh? Huh?
Join my party, lets blame Marty
Whoo? Whoo?
Join my party, lets shoot Carly
Huh? Huh?
Join my party, lets blame Marty
Whoo? Whoo?

I can walk through the town do whatever I please,
I can run, I can gun, I'll sit down and scratch fleas.
Don't jump in, not again, or I'll have to login,
Synching time is a crime, lets blame Marty.

You can crush, kill all day, if you win the synching wars...
You can crush, kill all day, if you win the synching wars...

Join my party, lets shoot Carly
Huh? Huh?
Join my party, lets blame Marty
Whoo? Whoo?
Join my party, lets shoot Carly
Huh? Huh?
Join my party, lets blame Marty
Whoo? Whoo?

I'm a Synched-Out Girl, in a Synched-Out World,
Damn I'm naggy, its so laggy,
Crap I got no hair, the same things to wear...
Limitation, on character creation...

I'm a Synched-Out Girl, in a Synched-Out World,
Jeep is zoning, start the moaning
When we get to there, we'll be everywhere
Its a nightmare for this whole car to zone there.

Join my party, lets shoot Carly
Huh? Huh?
Join my party, lets blame Marty
Whoo? Whoo?

Come on Ben, lets try zoning to MB again.
I'm sorry, but this lag is horrid

All of Plaza was dancing around like epileptic kindergarteners. Megaman also was getting down with his bad self.

The competition carried on for hours until finally in a crushing blow.... Betty fell asleep while trying to sing "I Don't Gank You Anymore". Apparently, his addiction to NERD Editors stories caused him to suffer from Insomnia, and his sleep deprivation would catch up with him at the worst moments. Considering his last song went "I know you hate me but you know its true, I just can't be bothered shooting y.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Megaman voted it a lame song and declared NERD Editor the winner. Everyone, having partied like it was 2003 returned to their business, leaving Betty asleep on a lightpost.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
04-04-03, 11:41
Alright, you asked for it so now you're getting it:

Tired of looking through the ever growing NERD post for the stories you're looking for?
Want to listen to Kick Me GM One More Time, but can't find the link?

Well now there's hope, yes thats right, the NERD website is ready to go.

Its big, its functional and very very green, but it has all things NERD involved.

The site will be in continuous development, but for the moment the Issues are separated out for easy access, the song links are placed under the 'Download' section.

Also, the first 20 Issues have been compiled into NERD Volume 1: The Rise of York. The first 20 issues constituted the introduction to the NERD tale, and now we're into Volume 2.

The Reality Notes are a reference to the actual incidents that have led to some of the jokes involved.

And yes, I'm hoping to finish work on the Character Bio's and the NERD's Encyclopedia soon so those can go up as well.

So, head on over to NERD (http://www.publicprogramming.net/NERD/nerd.html) and check it out.

Special thanks to Excelsier for putting the site together and agreeing to maintain it (thanks to my incompetent attempts at web publishing, he has been conscripted to run the site, and a damn sight better than me I might add).

NERD Editor
05-04-03, 12:18
NERD Issue # 023

Ben & Artricia Get A Room

"Oh baby, you know I want you to 'mod my barrel'" Ben typed.
"Sweetie, you boost my stats..." Artricia replied.
"When you do that dirty talk, I feel like I'm lagging,"
"Can we ever meet, psi of my dreams?" Artricia begged.
"I want to, but... I wonder if you can accept the real me...."

blah blah blah blah.... Cybering may be as old as electronic communication, but its no fun for those who aren't involved. Anyway, Ben and Artricia had met up on a NERD discussion board one day and since then had been playing electronic footsies under NERD Editors desk.

One day, the two were chatting in an open discussion room, discussing the political tensions between Twilight Guardians and the rest of Neocron. The conversation was political and many were involved when Arcadius joined the conversation...
"Oh great, its Arcadius..." a few of the other chatters groaned.
"Got any yet Arc? Or Art still not putting out."
"Oh like he could get any wit me guys." Artricia joked.
"Die biatch!!!" Arcadius typed.
"Hey hey, watch what you're saying there Arcadius," Ben stepped in.
"Who r u asshole!" Arc yelled.
"I R Ben."
"You tell him sweetie." Artricia replied.
"Sweetie?? SWEETIE!!! You two timing ratscum....."
"TWO TIMING?? On WHO? You? You're not with me. You're NEVER GETTING WITH ME!!" Artricia mauled her console.
"Who'd WANT you?" Arcadius yelled back. Derizor jumped in and started a poll. 857 people voted yes, 3 voted no, 126 voted they had crumpets for breakfast. "Damn you Derizor...."
"Just piss off Arc, you asshole!!" and with that, Artricia left. Sensing his honeybuns had departed, Ben left as well. Arcadius sat back at his hometerm and grinned.
"Yep, she wants me."

A few days later, Artricia, still befouled by Arcadius' hormone driven words, decided the only thing to make her happy was to meet Ben. So the two arranged to meet in a nice, sociable location, free from other runners or undue sexual tension.

They met in Artricia's Pepper Park 3 Love Nest.

The moment Artricia opened the door, her eyes popped out. Once they re-implanted them and cursed Gully Foyle's budget poke deal, she took the time to examine Ben.
Ben stood 5"9, 189 pounds and packing a lovely set of boobs.
Yes, Ben was a woman...

"Dis me will he, Ben will pay he will, yes he will..." Arcadius was pacing inside his apartment, "That bastard is trying to steal MY woman.... Oh I'll show him, I'll show them both!" and he stormed out of his apartment, heading to his peeping spot outside Artricia's love nest.

"You... you... You're a CHICK!!!" Artricia squealed.
"So are you..." Ben replied.
"But, but, but...."
"You believed in us before, why not now?" Ben looked deep into Artricia's glowing blue eyes. Artricia looked thoughtful for a second...
"Get over here Love Melons..."

MoonUnit was doing a random sweep of Neocron while invisible for disturbances. As he passed through Pepper Park, he heard some disturbing squeals and the occasional moan. Worried about someones safety, he walked through the wall of an apartment and stopped short.
"Oh....Oh.... OH MY FREAKN HELL!!!! DOUBLE ORDER OF SUSHI!!!!" MoonUnit had walked in on the greatest show of his lifetime. His brain overloaded with pleasurable thoughts and logic passed from his being.

Others had started to stand around in Pepper 3. The moaning had intensified.
"The moaning is intensifying." McDanish said.
"Thats my Love Nibblets!!" Arcadius had arrived on the scene.
"There is no runner named Love Nibblets. I believe Arcadius is attempting to refer to someone else by a coined affectionate terming he has deemed for that person." People starting gagging McDanish as Arcadius was looking homicidal. No one bothered to ask how he knew 'Love Nibblets' moan through a solid wall. At the knowledge that it was Artricia's pleasured moans they were hearing, most of the population of Neocron showed up.

MoonUnits sanity was gone. Two orders of sushi, mixing the sauce right before his eyes. Normal men cannot remain calm when faced with this. A Sushi addict like Moon had no hope.
"Oh the pretty sushi *twitch* it, argh... *twitch*... must be shared ...*twitch twitch*"
MoonUnit clicked his fingers and the walls disappeared and he turned visible.

Everyone was listening to the moans when all of a sudden, giant red subtitles slammed down in front of them "EXPICIT LESBO SEQUENCE!!!" and the wall disappeared and there was Artricia, Ben and MoonUnit. All bowed the Sushi Masta and beheld the show. Arcadius went postal
"Nifty Mounds!! How could you do this to me?" he screamed.
"Huh? EEEEKK!!!" At this time the girls realised they were now being broadcast live across CityCom terminals the world over. Then they saw MoonUnit, who had excreted some oil out of his STORM bot armour.
"Thats never happened to me before." he claimed.
"Bouncy Buns? Why? I have the equipment for ya, why'd you turn to the curvy side???" Arcadius was dismayed. McDanish ran over, grabbed the front of his trousers, pulled them away and stared inside with a scope.
"No, no he doesn't. What he 'claims' is equipment is actually ... ARRRGHGHH!!!" McDanish was killed that day, and it was not altogether undeserved.
"MoonUnit, you disturbed my bootey time!" Artricia growled, her eyes glowing more blue than usual.
"Now Art, come on, ya know you can't hurt me so don't even...." Artricia reached between her cleavage...

Now to those who do not know, all women possess a fold in space and time between their cleavage. This area is a null void that only they can access and has infinite storage ability. Its actually quite handy, but accessing anything there can often cause bystanders to look at you funny...

... and hauled out a 5 slot Spitfire Gatling pistol. Moon looked on in horror at the mod labelling on the ammo "LAG Round Enabled". He emmitted another fluid as Artricia sent him to the Higher Plane, courtesy of lag.

"Miss Nipple Missiles has betrayed me.... (sobs) what ever will i do... (sobs)... oh my precious (another runner screams "IT's MY PRECIOUS, Precious...") ...." and Art kicked him square in the teeth.
"For the last time, I am not getting with you Arcadius. You're nice enough and all but..."
"SHE CALLED ME NICE!!! You're all witnesses! You heard it!"
"I didn't..." McDanish called out ("Talking while dead, TEMP KICK" came CheapLoveMotels voice)
"Yeah, but listen, what I mean is...."
"You shall be mine! I will convert you from the all girl team! You called me nice. Bitch...."
"Oh for .... drop dead you Moron...." and Artricia opened fire with the Spitfire again. Once she had cleared all of Pepper and erected (no jokes) a new wall, she returned to Ben.
"Oh sweetness look what I found..." Ben waved around a flashlight-esque object.
"Damn straight, now get over here so we can abuse the hell out of this thing...."

Somewhere in the Wastelands...

Maven sits by himself in a hut.
"I feel so abused. Hey where's my flashlight?"

Until next time...

NERD Editor
07-04-03, 02:20
NERD Issue # 024

A Day In The Life Of A Jerriko Vendor

I arose at 0530, Neocron standard. My small, pokey plaza 3 apartment that I called home

was completely silent and aside from the occasionally passing hovercab, outside was as

well. I dragged myself off my recreation unit for yet another day of hard work. I grabbed

my uniform, checked myself in the mirror, had a nice tall glass of synthetic milk, then

went for the elevator.

At 0530, not a lots going on in the city. Few sane runners get up this early.

Unfortunately, I classed as below an insane runner. I wasn't even good enough to BE a

runner. I was a vendor. You know those guys who stand behind a desk and wave and smile

and buy or sell crap from ya? The crap that the aforementioned sane runners won't touch

because the quality sux and they all want to blame you because you sold it to them and they

automatically assume you made all of this and are solely responsible and never consider the

fact that the boss took all the good stuff to give to his cousin or something... *sigh* but

I digress...

I jumped on the subway and set off for Outzone station. There's not much to see in the

subway. It doesn't take long and the tunnels aren't much to look at after all. I sat with

my face close to the window waiting for the imminent pull up to the puke green stop of OZ

station. Along the way I actually noticed something of interest: a runner was dangling

from the ceiling of another tube, with a sewer rat pulling him round by his leg and the

runner trying to nail the rat with an SMG submachine gun, screaming obseneties at it as the

rat moved him ever closer to the main lines. Apparently this happens a lot, but normally

the runner in question doesn't get to work that early.

I pulled up towards the station and the door opened. I clambered out and proceeded down

the ramp, moved through the passages and passed a few of my fellow vendors, all entering

their stalls with a look of grief and dread.

Now, at this point I feel the need to explain something. As I said I am classed as sub-

runner. This means that during the genetic screening process it was determined I did not

have the adequate genetic material to become a fully fledged runner. Thus my choices were

to rebel against the city and hope to survive as part of the Anarchy Breed; become an

employee of a faction and hope for a nice office job; or join the Traders Union. The first

requires something my grandpapy referred to as 'balls' and well... apparently thats part of

the lacking genetic requirements I have. The second requires an unprecedented amount of

what what my grandmamy reffered to as 'on-your-knees' work. Never quite understood what

she meant by that. Thus that wasn't me. So I ended up a member of the Traders Union, or

Vendors as the runners simply refer to us.

Within the Traders Union there is a hierarchy, of ranks and positions to aspire to, and

jobs to fear. At the bottom of the scale is the jobs to fear: Pepper Park 1 is the single

most feared place to be a vendor, thus it is the starting position for all new vendors. If

you survive a week there, you get 'promoted' to working in Tech Haven. Many consider this

to be a demotion, as in Pepper you at least have a Copbot or two to watch your ass. In

Tech Haven you have these 4 legged things with a pneumatic nailgun that look like they're

made out of paperclips and are about as effective. After TH there's Military Base Duty,

Twlight Guardians duty, and then Outzone station duty. Outzone's considered the best

'crap' job as you get STORM bot protection, which is a far cry better than the protection

at all those other jobs. But still a lot die there.

Once you get past that job, as I had some 4 weeks ago, you are moved onto 'Outpost duty'.

Now Outpost duty can be absolutely sweet, or horrifying, depending on where you get

stationed. Working an op like say Grant Mine is a dream job, as nobody ever goes there!

No runners killing each other on your desk, no whiny customers demanding to know where they

can get a Long Laserblade 2, no jackass wanting to test the range of his Pain Easer on you.

But, there's the other hand, where you get stationed at one of the heavily contested

Outposts. The ones where factions and clans will spill blood on every square inch of the

outpost in order to claim it. And they don't care how many vendors get hit. They

occasionally care when their karma or soullight, kicks in, but half of them are so

bloodthirsty they couldn't give two tears in a bucket.

And thus was my lot today. I had been assigned to Jerikko Fortress. Don't let the name

fool you either. For a fortress it is suprisingly easy to invade. And of late it was a

warzone. JERK's had recently occupied it, and to be honest I like it when they occupy it

because they protect it pretty well. However they were at war with NUTS, who didn't

actually want the outpost, they just wanted to deny JERK's the outpost. Again, this wasn't

bad either because NUTS were very careful not to involve vendors in their wars, and best

yet, when it was over they placed stationary defenses. However, the battle for Jerikko was

not so simple. This particular outpost was wanted by PIMP, CRC, NUBI and NDA. Now NDA,

apparently, were starting to get along with NUTS, at least a little. Since the Seige of

Neocron they were at least generally on good terms. And in this they had agreed that NDA

would stay out of the fight till NUTS had taken Jerikko from their arch-nemesisisis...

their arch nimesasis... from the guys they don't like, and then NDA would occupy and hold

it later. Unfortunately CRC and PIMP were not so agreeable and were going to cause


I walked out of the giant double doors of Outzone station, greeted the STORM bots (I don't

care if they're machines or not, a little politeness to those killing machines means you

live longer) and proceeded down the ramp. There a few more of my fellow vendors were

having an early cup of Reprocessed Tea. I stopped to feel the wind in my face, the

radiation burn on my skin and welcomed the dawn of a new day in the Wastelands. Then I

walked down the ramp and joined my collegues. We only waited a minute or two before an APC

pulled up with the words 'Love Bus' stencilled on the side in crayon. Ithaqua of NUTS was

the driver. We all hopped in and Ithy began driving us out to our respective places of

work. This was one of Ithaqua's daily routines and a service he performed for NEXT.

Vendors unfortunately do not have the genetic requirements to survive Generep teleports so

must either walk or drive everywhere. Yes, I know. My life sux.

"Ok, all off for Jerikko, don't forget to wipe your feet on the way out." Ithaqua yelled

back. I hopped out and walked towards the outpost. As i walked through the arch, the

automated defenses activated and turned on me. My eyes bugged out, my prostate weakened

and I dived out of the way as lethal fire came surging towards my previous location.

Shaking like a leaf and packing a brand new wet patch on my uniform, I waved my ID in sight

of the guns. They registered my ID and de-activated. I entered the outpost and went to

find a corner to relieve myself in.

Around about 11am, I was standing behind my desk, scouring off somebody's brain matter that

had been left from the night before, when the JERK's arrived. Shadow went to relieve

himself, only to start screaming at people and demanding to know who pissed in his spot. I

said nothing. Murkster walked in and demanded some repair goo.
"Certainly sir, that will be 3,489nc".
"WHAT?? This is our outpost. I get the discount!"
"Thats with the discount sir," I replied, sweating profusely from my posterior. Murkster

pulled his Holy Lightning module out.
"And now???"
"If I say 2,000nc will I live?"
"You will."
"Then its 2,000nc sir, sorry for the inconvenience." I handed him the goo and he walked

away, laughing at how ne'd bullied a sweet deal out of a vendor. I laughed to myself in

that all profits from sales go to the outpost owners anyway, so he'd effectively screwed

himself. Not that I'd tell him that.

A little later on, I was taking my lunch break. I sat down behind the desk and ate my

ratmeat burger. A few of my fellow vendors were having a synthetic whisky, as it was

indeed cold today in the Wastes. They were talking about something that obviously

interested them so I removed my 'mute local' devices (also known as earplugs) and listened

"I'm tellin ya, the wall disappeared and there's these two hot chicks going at it!!"
"Come on, why would the wall disappear?"
"WTF??? Moon put on a Sushi buffet and I missed it? NOOOOOO!!!"
"Yeah, poor Arcadius seemed crushed. I hear he considered moving onto another chick."
"No way, Arcadius? The guy who comes in here and slaps a red wig on a vendor and starts

practicing his flirt lines? Not a chance."
"I'm tellin ya, I hear he was cybering some chick called Betty just the other day."
"Dude.... Betty's a guy."
"Yeah man, Betty's a guy. If he's cybering Betty, then we got mores to worry about then

him giving up on Artricia." Everyone, including me, shuddered at the thought of Arcadius

practicing his 'new' pick-up lines if this was true. We found out later that it was

actually a lie. Arcadius was simply calling Betty to ask him to dig up some dirt on Ben.
"Well anyway, it'd be a loss of business if ... ACCK!!!" the two stopped talking and

started wailing like a Drom getting an enema as a shot from a Doom Beamer blew 5 limbs off

between the two of them. I kissed my well made desk for protecting me, till I realised

what parts of my co-workers had been smeared on it. The kissing stopped after that.

It was at 1540 NST that the attack came. PIMP had decided to take Jerriko and CRC were

coming along as well. JERK's sat inside under the protection of turrets and fired on their

attackers. CRC stood at a distance and used ranged attacks. PIMP kept firing shots inside

with their cannons. I pissed my pants again.
"Somebody make them stop, when will the hurting stop!!" I screamed. Agent K took cover

behind my desk.
"No no no, you can't be here, if you're here then.... eeeek!" Carinth stood before my desk

and opened fire. Agent K grabbed me and stood up, using me as a human shield.
"THINK THIS THROUGH!!! YOU THINK HE CARES ABOUT ME????" He didn't. Carinth opened fire

full auto. Thankfully K dropped me and I fled into the corner. Then a grenade landed by

my feet so I fled down the stairs. Then the turrets turned on me and I realised the

grenade just blew up my ID, so I ran back up the stairs. Then I see Carinth and K going

melee styles inside so I dive behind a box. Then I realise where Shadow has decided to

make his new peepee hole, so I jumped behind another desk.

The killing carried on for some time. Eventually NDA got the go ahead from NUTS and

crushed everyone. They marched in and took the outpost by force. Centuri came up to see

the state of the shops and found only me.
"Dude... that aint right. You're sitting in a puddle and it ain't raining. Go clean

yourself up, I'll call for some more vendors." and walked off. As I stood up to get myself

cleaned, I got accosted and hauled up to the desk by Cereal Killa, who declares he needed

to buy medpacks. At this point, my mind kinda lost it
"Oh you need.... YOU NEED!!! Well whooptee freakn doo man. Want a medal? I need to LIVE

but no one thinks about that!!"
"Err, easy dude I was just sayin..."
"Of course you were, you guys always are!!! Do you KNOW the sh*t we go through to supply

your cheapass, tightwad no respect giving monkeyspunk asses with stuff you just whine about

anyway???" Yes, the old adage was true. This job would be great if it weren't for the

customers.... and the projectile fire.
"Listen, I'll go get meds somewhere else. Don't blow a fuse man..."
"Oh he still bitches about meds, here, have all the meds in the world!!!" I threw out the

entire contents of the store before him.
"DUDE!!! Sweet!! Freebies!!"
"THAT'S IT!!! I QUIT!!! It'd be easier as Anarchy Breed. I kiss this job goodbye," and

made the mistake of kissing the bench again. I marched right past Cereal Killa who was

grabbing everything he could, only to drop half of it back out of the hole in his backpack.

I shouldered my way past a bewildered Centuri on the ramp and stormed towards the exit.

Wish I'd remembered to pick my ID up...

The Biotech doctors say its a miracle I survived getting hit by 11 Gatling turrets

simultaneously. They reckon I'll be back on my feet in no time. Some might think that

being bedridden and unable to move for 6 months would be a bad thing. Those people however

do not realise my bed has a perfect view into Artricia's love nest.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
07-04-03, 06:09
My apologies for the poor spacing on the last issue. I'm not working from the comfort of the NERD offices today, but from a remote terminal in the insidious place I am forced to go to every day. I'll edit it up nice and clean later and I'll make sure Excelsier puts the clean version on the NERD site.

And now I move onto Issue 25, which..... oh dear.... don't expect it in a rush guys. Say goodbye finger-skin its time to type like a madmen... where's my oreo's....

Till later...

NERD Editor
07-04-03, 12:45
Well now I'm just angry....

I was working at my remote location on Issue 25. As I am expecting it to be fairly long, I decided to get to work on it right away. I finished what I could and mailed it back to NERD head office....

And did the attachment arrive? Nooooo. Now the original is gone from the remote locale and its not here and I'm pissed... Me hates remote location.....

Anyway, I will get 25 done as soon as inhumanly possible. I think Bib's been looking forward to this one (don't give them any clues Bib) but as it won't play out exactly like he thinks he should be able to enjoy it too.

Anyway, back to killing the tech guys at remote term...

NERD Editor
08-04-03, 07:37
Well, I've managed to rewrite the lost material for Issue 25, now I can carry on a bit. I doubt my ability to finish it any time soon, but you never know...

Btw, if you've been NERDED once, thats it, you're part of the NERD universe and thus are up for recurring roles. So the Art show may not be over yet....

Also, had an interesting talk on #cronhelp earlier, pointing out I may have been a bit mean to the 'bad guys' ingame. Well, possibly, but that is all just lead-up to where I'm going (do I even know where that is anymore????)

Anyways.... [insert stupid comment here]

NERD Editor
08-04-03, 12:34
NERD Issue # 025

When Worlds Collide

Ever get that feeling when you just recently woke up, perhaps opened a window and the breeze made all the hairs on the back of your neck stand up? That sense that things are about to start happening but you've no idea what? This is one of those times.

>>>> 0000 May 17 Tyron Factory, C Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

It was all quiet in the fields, much as it was throughout the Wastelands, and in the cities. There wasn't much fighting going on at the moment. The occasional clan scuffle over an outpost took place, but other than that the world was enjoying a time of peace. Near Tyron, a swarm of dragonflies were practicing their dogfight tactics near a lake, happy and peaceful when all of a sudden a bolt of Lightning struck the terrain and sent them flying in all directions. Debris went everywhere until a vacuum effect from the impact crater kicked in and drew everything in the area towards it. And then it began to take shape. Formed of lightning, fire and dragonfly droppings, it took humanoid form and thus MJS stepped onto the Neocron plain of existence. Once fully formed, he generated for himself his Armani Powerarmour, gucci boots and the Shades of L337ness (highly coveted by Sid btw). Then he began walking. Each step resounded with death and destruction. All living things made haste to get the hell out of his way. After a time he passed into the D Parallel and found a crate. He sat down quietly for a moment and everything became very still. Then he snapped his fingers and a thunderous ripple of noise shot across the lands. And again he returned to silence.

A few minutes later Teh KillerBunneh came bounding over the hills to see his Master.
"What is your bidding Master?" Bunneh asked.
"Have you seen the state of the world?" MJS asked.
"Master, you told me not to get involved. To this day I have followed that command."
"Yet you summoned The DEVS to perform a Wasteland Rollback." Martin seethed with fury. Bunneh quiverred.
"I am sorry, Master. What would you have me do?"
"Look at it. Just look," Martin glanced across the landscape, "It's .... PEACEFUL! NDA and NUTS are working together... Reza makes no moves for fear of pissing his publicist off, JERK's only come out to fight over petty outpost struggles, and even the Dome has sent out messengers to... NEGOTIATE!" Martin kicked over a hill in disgust. Bunneh quiverred further. MJS was about to go on when Megaman came walking along at a distance with Smokey behind him.
"EYYYY, don't worry about it, I'll get ya to Tech Haven. And once there we can play kick the can with the bots!"
"Will the Fallen Angels give us trouble?" Smokey asked.
"Nah, we're cool with them. They might play with us too!" Megaman and Smokey skipped along, gay as could be (that came out wrong...).
"OH THAT DOES IT!!!!" MJS stomped and the cliff he was standing on was reduced to a plateau, "MEGAMAN IS BABYSITTING NEWBIES??? He's gone Carebear!!" MJS was livid, "My greatest agent of chaos has gone to the pansyass side. Oh that's it Bunneh..." Martins voice dropped to a sinister hollow growl, "... its time for drastic measures." He reached into his Armani pocket and withdrew the Brassnucks of Synchholes.
"No... No anything but that! Surely there's another way!" Bunneh pleaded, but MJS would hear none of it. He placed the nucks on and punched at thin air. A rip in the fabric of reality formed and a wormhole was created. And once formed, MJS stepped through...

Now, a quick note about wormholes. According to a certain sci-fi of the 20th century (listed on the Ceres Discs under 'Theories of Dimensional Travel') wormholes link parallel universes together and can be used to travel from one to another. This is not quite true. Rather, a wormhole leads you to a null zone, only referred to as Zone 28. This zone is like the loading program in The Matrix (also listed on the Ceres Discs under 'Theories to Counter-attack a Dominant Mechanised Species in cases of Planetary Conquest') in that it is a big empty place that you can pretty much do anything in. Only difference is that there isn't a big black guy in a shiny trenchcoat handing out blue and red pills like some member of PIMP. Once you enter Zone 28, you can access a Parallel Universe by punching through reality in another location. The locations form the mapping conduits to the other Dimensions.

... and thus he came to Zone 28. Once there, MJS punched a hole again and pushed a button on a device in his pocket. Then he stood and waited. A few moments later, another individual stepped through into Zone 28. As Bunneh peered through the first wormhole, he saw that it was... MJS?

"You paged me?" second MJS asked.
"I did, yes." first replied.
"Well what do you want?"
"Always so to the point. How bout a little chitchat? How ya doin?"
"You should know..." second growled.
"Suppose I should..." first assented.
"Get to a point."
"Very Well. I NEED EVIL!!!" 28 rumbled with thunderous rage.
"Why should I waste my time with you? You're obviously not evil enough for me to talk to." second answered.
"Obviously? Why is that? I R EVIL!!!" again with the thunder.
"Oh yeah? If you're so evil, why do you need more evil from me?"
"TO BE MORE EVIL!!!" Bunneh backed away from the thunder.
"Hmn... you have a point..." second agreed.
"See, if you were truly evil, you'd never have agreed. Only pure evil can be so arrogant as to believe itself absolute! AND I R EVIL!!!" Thunder, fear, blah blah blah.
"DAMNIT!!! Fine, what do you need?" Second gave up. First handed him a list. Second read it.
"Damn.... you R EVIL!!!" a tiny firecracker fart noise broke in the deathly silence. Bunneh looked on confused.
"Bunneh, go with him. He will need your special skills to acquire some of my 'merchandise'." First laughed, and the Apparent Walls of Zone 28 oozed blood...

>>>> 1306 May 17 Military Base Entrance, J Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

Hurricane was out with The Khans helping them to hunt down a few Warbots. He would provide what offense he could, and then open the protected chest cavities of the fallen Warbots to obtain useful materials for the continued war effort of the City Mercs. After a while, Hurricane had become separated from the main force, as he tried to crack open a particularly difficult Warbot Titan.
"Ahh, that got it... lets see here.... pipes, don't need those... wires... blehhh... OOH! This warbot was equipped with a Bezerk chip! Level 3, very nice... I'll just hold it here flimsily between two fingers while I continue to talk to myself and give away valuable information and fumble around with my pocket and ... ACCKKKK!!!" Hurricane was, unsuprisingly, hit with a Moonstriker missile and sent flying into a hill nearby. He dropped the implant which was picked up by his attacker.
"Thanks for the loot, now say hello to deathvill: population - you". Just as Hurricane reached caught a glimpse of the runners dogtags, he was killed.

>>>> 1322 May 17 NUTS Clan Apartment, Plaza District, Neocron <<<<

Hurricane appeared at the Generep. He slumped over and crashed to the floor. Eva saw an opportunity to slip her Nurse uniform on.
"Oh My Lioon!! They killed Hurricane!" McDanish said.
"You BASITDS!!!" Shodough yelled.
"Who? Who killed Hurricane?" ReefSmoker ran in.
"The Bastids did." Shodough replied. He and McDanish were promptly strangled from behind by Warlock.
"Hurricane, who did this? Who attacked you?" Reef implored.
"S...St....Starkes..." and Hurricane became one with the floor. Eva turned him over and began a full body cavity search.
"That just can't be... its not possible..." And Reef doubted, but he still signalled for his NUTS to gather round.

Now, the reason why Reef was in doubt was this. From time to time a runner will experience perma-death, the absolute death of character that cannot be fixed by locking onto a generep respawner. At these times, occasionally a runner finds themselves crossing the great celestial nexus and arriving in a Parallel Universe. When they arrive, they bring with them tales of the universe they came from. Each one seemingly the same world, but vastly different. To distinguish which Universe one is talking about, it became common practice to refer to the Universe by the dominant planet in the sky. Reef and NUTS existed in the Pluto Universe. Another was the Jupiter Universe, and the Saturn Universe. Thankfully, all connections to the chaos Universe Neptune had been cut off. Runners during permadeath could go to and from different Universes. Often Runners would come from the Saturn Universe, with grave tales of hardship and also tales of joy. Whenever a runner said he was from Uranus, he generally was met with hysterical laughter.

Now the name Starkes comes from the Saturn Universe. Tales of his actions have spread through the multiverse. Now, it is was not inconceivable for Starkes to have achieved a Universe transference, for it happens to the best of us. It was less conceivable that Starkes could have arrived here and already be strong enough to wield a Moonstriker, as when you achieve a transference, you come out the other side as weak and naked as the day you were born. So for Starkes to have arrived and increased his potential that much undetected was hard to accept. But what made it harder to accept was the fact that the tales had said that Starkes had been struck down by Odin (of the Saturn Universe) and that his body had been obliterated. His soul was encased in Silly Putty (the only substance tricky enough to encase a soul) and buried deep in the bowels of the world where no runner could ever free it. So for him to be here was an impossibility...

>>>> 1400 May 17 NUTS Clan Apartment, Plaza District, Neocron <<<<

All NUTS were assembled and the emergency meeting was begun. Teams were dispatched to talk with NDA, Synergy, CareBear Daycare, MAX-T and any other friendly clan to determine how Starkes could be here, and also if any other disturbances had been noticed. Warlock and Mako were ordered to search for anything that could provide an alternative answer. The meeting took 55 minutes, so before departing at 1500, they all had Milky Rens. Only one member noticed a drooling furry thing with Long Ears at the window.

>>>> 1500 May 17 - 0100 May 18, Various Locations <<<<

The investigation brought much interest and concern. Various bits of info flowed in about sightings of Starkes, but none had believed it till now. However... other sightings had been made that brought worse feelings of dread...

NERD Editor
08-04-03, 12:35
>>>> 0130 May 18 Eastgate Factory, H Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

NDA had assembled. They too had heard of these strange rumours, and were taking no chances. Tonight they were working on a batch production of weapons for the coming warfare, and so were defending Eastgate above all of their other assets. At 0142, Nightfire declared he saw movement. At 0143 he declared it was just his foot. At 0151 he declared he saw movement again. When his foot got shot off by a Pain Easer, the other NDA's knew he was telling the truth this time. In the dull of the night, the firefight began and lit up the Canyon. The firefight was so intense it became as bright as day. Eventually, Sl33py, awakening just in time to join the fight as it began to enter the outpost, caught glimpse of the dogtags around an attackers neck...

Blood Brothers.

At 0456, NDA had to abandon the base. They had held out for just over 3 hours against Blood Brothers and it looked like a stalemate, until JERK's, wanting to reclaim Eastgate, had joined the fight. And as Blood Brothers were also Twilight Guardians, they allied together to defeat NDA. The escape was not without losses, and most of NDA found themselves respawning from death back in Neocron, rather than just teleporting home.

>>>> 0600 May 18, Plaza 1, Neocron <<<<

The City's population had been summoned together. Centuri told of the horrific warfare that had taken place throughout the night, followed by ReefSmoker imparting the knowledge about what was going on. The Worlds were colliding somehow. Some of the most destructive forces of the Saturn Universe, past and present, had found ways to somehow cross into the Pluto Universe without enduring perma-death. The alliance between Blood Brothers and JERK's had only created more disturbance. Insidious Wolf, not one to take crap from anybody, and determined to prove himself stronger than Starkes, screamed for blood, grabbed his Holy Lightning and charged for the city gates. Any attempt the meeting leaders made to restrain the unruly mob was wasted, as they charged to get their guns and beseige Twilight Guardians, the only realisable target they could think of. Teh Bunneh, sitting atop a ledge watching the proceedings, bounded off to give the news to his Master.
War was upon the world again.

>>>> 0814 May 18, Atop Tech Haven entrance, E Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

Martin sat back, shades on, beer in hand and with his uncanny vision, watched as a giant unruly mob poured out of Neocron, determined to ransack TG. He grinned and a Hoverbot fell over dead.

>>>> High Noon, May 18, Twilight Guardians Entrance, E Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

The Resistance resisted. They and many other of the smaller Twilight Guardian clans held the gate against the oncoming masses. The guards released fusion fury upon the incoming charges, the runners opened fire with everything they had. It didn't look like they would hold the entrance, until the attackers were flanked by JERK's and Blood Brothers. Over 600 runners fought in the Battle for Twilights Gate, and less than 30 walked away from it. The carnage was unheard of, the hate - indescribable, the blood - hip deep. And the evil grin grew worse. Omega Res, Diesel, and Megaman were three of the survivors, walking away from the warzone when they were ambushed in their injured state by Starkes, who had sat back firing potshots at any who tried to seek cover from the slaughter. He killed Omega and Diesel, but was only able to wound Megaman. He then hooked Megaman's powerarmour to the back of his Jeep and drove back to TG, dragging Mega along the canyon floor. Once their, JERK's strung him up in a cell and beat seven shades of shampoo out of him. Then their Manipulator came to talk to him.

>>>> 1601 May 18 Miscellaneous Torture Chamber, Twilight Guardians <<<<

Psycho Killa walked in with a bottle of synthetic vinegar. She looked upon Megaman and circled him silently. She then threw half the contents of the bottle on Mega's exposed wounds and watched him writhe.
"Mega, why do you do this to yourself? The city scum cannot appreciate your power. The city scum cannot give you what you need... Death and destruction." Psycho looked deep into Mega's eyes.
"What do you want?" Mega growled.
"You must join with me, Mega, and together, we will destroy Reza."
"I'll never join you!" Mega yelled back.
"I emplore you to reconsider!" Killa yelled back.
"Ok, I agree." Megaman reponded.
"But you must!"
"Why?" Mega asked.
"Because Megaman, I am your SISTER!" and she flashed him.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" He screamed.

>>>> 1607 May 18 Miscellaneous Torture Chamber, Twilight Guardians <<<<

Megaman broke and agreed to become a member of JERK's. The grin turned to a sneer.

>>>> 0032 May 19 Redrock Mine, D Parallel <<<<

Warlock and Mako had tracked for the last day and a half to finally come upon the source of the disturbance. Where once the wormhole had been, now was simply a area of terrain where mobs that walked to close, fell through the ground, reappeared a mile up in the air and fell to their messy fate.
"Well, this is it, this is where they came through." Warlock pointed out.
"Don't start doing a McD." Mako looked at him.
"Sorry." Mako contacted NUTS HQ and revealed the truth. After a few minutes of deliberations, they contacted the pair with a plan. It was very dangerous, and success was a slim possibility, but they needed to try. Warlock ran around and with great difficulty caught two Flying Black roaches. He then stuffed one in either ear and sat down as Mako began singing a hymn. The nightmarish sound ripped through the air and re-opened the wormhole, and worse still it blasted a hole out the other side of Zone 28. Once she stopped singing, Warlock pulled the bugs out of his ears and released them. He then followed Mako through the wormhole. They entered Zone 28
"Hello, I am Morpheous." a strange man with shades that were oddly attached to his face turned to face them and grinned oddly.
"Where are we?" Mako asked.
"More importantly than when, is perhaps the question where. You believe you're in the year 1999, when it is in fact...."
"Woah, hold up q-ball," Warlock butted in, "what the hell are you talking about? Its the 28th Century."
"... It is? Damn. There wouldn't be a guy here who's name is an oddly simple anagram of 'One' would there? You know, like "Oen" or "Eno"?"
"How about Neo?" Mako suggested.
"Yeah, that could work." Morpheous looked hopeful that his stupid search to find some benevolent computer geek with pasty white skin was at an end.
"Yeah... he's in Uranus."
"....I'm sorry?"
"Oh no, not this explanation again..." Warlock successfully explained what Mako ACTUALLY meant by 'in Uranus' and then blocked his ears again. Mako ripped a hole to Uranus (don't say it...) and Morpheous went through it. Finally, Warlock and Mako sent out a message to the Saturn Universe. They waited a short while and then all of a sudden, several Runners jumped through the wormhole into Zone 28. Mako and Warlock were oddly suprised at their appearance. Half of them wore dorky looking orange pyjama's with Kanji stencilled on the back, and had the worst hair-do's since Mr-T some 800 years ago.
"Wow, that was great... where's the food?" Kakarat asked.
"Kak, calm down, we just got here." Sh0dan calmed him down.
"Where is here?" Rykos asked.
"Oooh, look!! Natives!" another said, hiding behind Sh0dan.
"Who might you be?" Warlock inquired.
"We are the Saiyans." Sh0dan responded. The other Saiyans all waved.
"Peace be to you!" Mako said.
"And to you!" Sh0dan responded.
"No, to you!" Mako replied.
"Seriously, it must go to you..." "no you" "no you"....
Warlock walked over to Kakarat.
"How long can yours keep that up for?"
"Indefinitely, how about yours?"
"We've never found her limit for politeness..." They both groaned. The one that had been hiding behind Sh0dan was now zipping around the place.
"Wow, nice place. Bet it could do with some paint... Meehhh!!" the twitchy little man ran up and around Warlock who recoiled.
"Who or what is that?"
"Well," Kakarat replied, "his name is Bibliotequa, but since recently we started calling him Betty and..." Kakarat stopped as he saw Warlock's eyes blaze red as he grabbed Betty by the neck.
"BACK YOU GO!!!" Warlock tried to shove him back through the wormhole.
"NOOO!! I MUST GET OUT OF HERE!!! I MUST GET FREE!!!!" Mako stopped being polite and pulled Warlock off.
"Easy Glare-boy, we need what we can get." And with that she explained the situation to the Saiyans...

>>>> High Noon, Jerikko Fortress, B Parallel, Wastelands <<<<

This time it was TG that attacked. The forces of Neocron intercepted them at Jerikko and the fight raged. The battle was intense, but going against Neocron. The new tactics of Blood Brothers were causing chaos in the ranks. All seemed lost till the Saiyans joined the fight and being aware of Blood Brothers' tactics, were able to counter. Not expecting this turn of events, the TG coalition decided to retreat before their losses mounted. As they ran, Neocron forces began the pursuit, hoping to overtake and slay their foes. But it was not to be. Their pursuit was cut off as a being of immeasurable evil stood between them and their targets.

MJS had joined the fight.

TG noticed this but did not turn back to assist. The feeling of dread coming off Martin was too strong. All cowered away from him. Each step towards the Neocron forces made the earth shake, and the forces retreat a step. MJS burned with rage and sought to charge down the front lines, when a sole runner came running up from behind him and stopped right in front of him, facing the Neocron forces, withought even noticing him.
"Hi Guys, sorry I'm late, what I miss?" Richard Adregan asked. Enraged beyond measure, MJS coiled back and bitchslapped Richard into orbit.
"I can see my house from here!!" Richard yelled as he passed into outer space.
"TALKING WHILE IN A NOISELESS VACUUM!!! TEMP KICK!!!" CheapLoveMotel appeared above him and drop kicked him into Limbo.
"NOOOOOOO!!!" Hurricane yelled. Everyone looked at him and he just shrugged.
"You candy ass carebears!!! I will see my vengeance out on you all. PREPARE YOURSELVES!!" MJS loomed ever closer. He then pulled from his deep pockets the Mallet of PWNAGE and began pummelling runners. Left and right he swang and they were cast from him. All seemed lost. Till without concern for her wellbeing, Danae ran forward and tapped MJS on the ass. Turning to see the cute-faced vixen, he paused in his slaughter.
"Hi there Marti-poo, I've got something for ya!" and she passed him a Portable Console. MJS, oddly baffled by all this, took the console and turned it on. It had text, so he began to read.
"If I had the Mallet of PWNAGE and the Shades of L337ness, it'd be U Down on the ground, Precious." Sid.
"Erm... I've no idea who you are, but I don't wanna be left out. You are sucky!!" Jercules.
MJS recoiled from the words and grabbed his head, yelling in agony.
"NOOO!!! NOOOOOO!!!!" and his physical form broke down. His eternal being fled from the shell back to the Etherial Plain only referred to as "His Office", right before the body exploded covering everyone in electrified, flaming dragonfly poop.

For Danae was one of the few people who knew of the secret weapon; the one thing guaranteed to make MJS run from the Neocron Realm....

A Flame Post.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
09-04-03, 08:44
I now live in terror. As I walked through Neocron, incognito on Pluto, there came Betty running past me, humping the leg of many a runner and attempting to live out NERD.

What have I created.....

NERD Editor
12-04-03, 11:39
NERD Issue # 026

I R Evil

You know, Evil MJS wasn't always evil. In fact there used to be a time where he was the sweetest benevolent being in existence. This is his tale.

Once upon a time, MJS, or Marty as his three friends used to call him, was walking around the benevolent playground, waiting for the secret meeting to take place. Now, it really wasn't all that secret, but when you're 8 years old and you say you're going to a secret meeting, you automatically believe its a secret.

Marty found his three friends and they sat down at a benevolent park bench, under a benevolent oak tree and talked about what they were gonna do with their benevolence. Seated with his back to the oak tree was Marty. To his left was George, to his right was Wesley and across from him was Gene. And so they talked.
"Guys," Gene jumped in, "When I grow up, I'm gonna create a world!! Yeah man, I'm gonna use my benevolence and create a world!"
"What kinda world?" Marty asked.
"Its gonna be such a cool world Marty, its gonna have all these planets in it, which you get to by making these white lines whoosh past you and your ship..."
"Oh so there's ships and planets?"
"Yeah man, its gonna be so cool. There'll be these ships man, and they're like flying saucers, but to make them look really cool, i'm gonna stick these pipes out the back that make em go faster..."
"But Gene," Wesley jumped in, "in space there's no friction, so streamlining doesn't make things faster."
"Yes but the reversed polarity of the warp coils co-axial thrust inverted through the deflector couplings will create a subspace window allowing the displacement of matter through a localised phenomenon to pass beyond the theoretical limits of physics." Gene replied.
"..... WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY????" George yelled.
"That is what I call technobabble, and its the answer to all of lifes problems. So, like, there'll be these ships with crews on them, and some will have pointy ears, and some will have tubes where their peepee's should be," everyone looked at Gene funny, "and I'll give them a Swedish name like.... Beorg or something, and then there'll be these guys with dreads, and bad attitudes and no dentists called Clampons."
"Your names need work dude," Marty said.
"Well, maybe, but here's the really cool part. On all these ships, everybody gets along, and if they get bored getting along, then out of nowhere, a woman with big boobs who wears skin tight clothing will conveniently appear to save them all from their boredom. It's gonna be so cool..." Gene finished. George, the only teenager of the 4, was loving that last idea.
"Well, I'm gonna make a world too, and its gonna be so cool," Wesley decided to share too.
"Why's that?" Marty asked.
"Cause its gonna be a world completely populated by sheep."
"No really, it'll be so cool, it'll have Mamma Sheep and the sheepettes, and her girlfriend sheep can come and do her wool up for the big field dance where Papa Sheep will be butting horns in the Concussion Contest..."
"Dude, thats like the worst idea ever. How dull would that be?" George blurted out, "I mean, what are they gonna do in this world? Mate? Eat? Shed wool and make the world a warmer place? Oh, no, I know, they're gonna have farting competitions to see who can blow a bigger hole in the ozone layer."
"Hey, come on, sheep are cool." Wesley retorted.
"Seriously man, get a better idea."
"Oh yeah George, well whats your idea then?" Wesley through a huff (He never made his sheep world, instead he ran off, changed his name, stole someone elses idea and made a world called Middle-Earth. But he never forgot his dreams about sheep...)
"Well my idea is the best!" George leaned in, "its set a long time ago guys, ya know, and its got all these weird people, and they all run into each other ya know in a universe... well, rather a galaxy, and its far, ya know, far far away."
"This sounds like the worst intro ever," Wesley was still bitter.
"And its got all these cool people, like these midgets in Red hoods who run around stealing your car and your robot, and sell it back to you once they've given it a paint job, and these British sounding guys with swords of light who sound like they're bored with life. Ooh ooh, and there's wookies!"
"Wookies?" everyone exclaimed.
"Yeah, wookies. They're like 7 feet tall, really strong guys with 6 boobs on their chest!" George was grinning.
"6 boobs on their chest? Dude, if they're so strong and tall and stuff, I'd expect hair on their chest, not boobs." Marty intervened.
"Pfft, a wookie with hair, what a stupid idea." George scoffed, "anyway, they all get into weird adventures and they're all drawn together by this mystic power called The Pull, ya see, cause it pulls them all together."
"Again I think your names need work," Wesley argued, "but it sounds ok."
"Wait, I still haven't said the best part. There's this little green muppet that hobbles around using bad grammer, and everyone will love him."
"For being green or his bad grammer?"
"Everything man, Yoda will be pants!"
"Oooooh, Pants.... he must be cool!" Marty said. And secretly he coveted the idea about the sword of light.
"What about you Marty?" Gene asked.
"I'm gonna make a perfect world!" Marty exclaimed. Everyone laughed.
"No, really, I am. Its gonna be nice and clean, and everything works, and nobody gets angry or argues. And it will have these 4 types of people, like Monks and Spy's and stuff, and they'll all be equal in society and powers and they'll all live happily in their homes and their toilets will always work."
"Dude, there's no way you can make a perfect world, but best of luck with the toilets..."

And so they prattled on, as kids do. Eventually Gene went on to make technobabble a household word and he did change the names of some of his races. Wesley changed his name to Peter and married a nice woman. They now live on a sheep farm in the Sheep capital of the benevolent world. George got distracted when his dog Indiana got run over, and he felt the need to create a small world as a tribute to him, but eventually made his world and his wookies. The ones with boobs were exterminated by the freaky hooded creatures for being too weird to live, and so George let them have hair... lots of hair.

Now, as for Marty...

At first, it looked like he was going to succeed. With his benevolence, he created a world. The world had no pollution, no problems. Then he introduced people and they started to mess it up a bit, but ultimately things were going ok. Then they had a, well a little spat, and they lobbed these missiles at each other and the world was no longer clean and pretty, instead it was a post-apocalyptic nightmare. But in so doing, they thinned out their numbers and eventually got to behave again and started working together. And Marty reckoned things were going pretty well. So, he decided to go and walk in the world he had created.

As a young man of 20 and still utterly benevolent, he decided to take a run through the wastelands. Radiation wasn't an issue for him, so it seemed a good idea. And he did enjoy his run. The weird mutated mushrooms, being eaten by the even weirder mutated bunnehs (from which one day a ruling Bunneh would rise, but I think you know about it) and the people working together to fight off the plagues of their environment served only to show him that a perfect world is not necessarily a clean world. In fact a dirty hostile environment seemed only to serve the function of bringing humanity together.

"I love this world, I think I shall stay among them, for they are wonderful. Especially those spy's, those shades they wear are so cool!" And MJS sat down on a rock, and pulled a Milky Ren out of his pocket. He prepared to open the wrapper when he was struck from behind by a big stick and sent sailing into a ditch.
"Owww... what hit me?" Marty stood up and looked around to see a Spy with a baseball bat, standing on the rock, with Marty's Milky Ren in hand.
"Hey, Mr. Spy, thats my Milky Ren, please return it." Marty began to move forward.
"Fry em!" the spy yelled. And the Psi Monk standing nearby hit MJS with fire and he burned.
"Owww, I'm burning!!" and the spy and the monk moved away, sharing Marty's candy. Eventually Marty was put out, when the Spy wheeled past in a crude vehicle, kicking dirt in Marty's face. MJS's brow creased a bit.
"That wasn't very nice. That was my candy..." and Marty's brow creased considerably more, "oh well, they must have been hungry. It's ok, I have another one..." and as he pulled the next one out, he got shot from behind and fell to his knees. A Private Eye walked up and took his candy.
"That's mine now bitch... uz just got pwnzed!" And he kicked more dirt in Marty's face and walked away. Marty now had assumed a scowl. And he lay there, drained of any will to do anything by the horrible events.

A while later a GenTank walked past and saw Marty. He walked over, checked him, looted his pockets of remaining Milky Rens, but then woke him up and lifted him to his feet.
"You ok man?" the Tank asked, hiding the candy. Marty had been face down this whole time. He finally raised his face to look at the Tank and the most evil glare the world had ever seen was on his face. The Gentank recoiled in fear.
"You have done me a kindness. For that, you and your kind shall be spared.... for now." and Marty reached into his armour and withdrew the first ever NERF bat. He walked past the Tank and chased after his attackers.

MJS set upon the Spy first, beating him to a bloody pulp with the NERF bat.
"You shall be the bitch of all. You shall work for the benefit of all, but be too weak to ever use your benefits. You shall be the wussy bitch of this world, you and your kind..."
"Nooooooo...." the Spy tried to scream and collapsed. The Monk had stood by laughing at the spy as he was beaten to uselessness, when MJS turned his rage on the Monk.
"You, shall forever be in a state of confusion," the monk began to sweat, "at times I will let you think that you are strong again, and that you have power. And just at that moment, I will send my minions to strike your kind down with this bat, and forever make you miserable. Enjoy the rest of your pathetic life..." and MJS walked away, leaving the Monk to soil himself.

Marty caught the Private Eye and beat him in all places where it counted.
"You shall forever be the nothing special guy. You'll always be dumber, weaker, slower and less able than everyone else at something, and you'll always feel ... inadequate. And even when you think you've overcome those inadequacies... you'll always know where I hit you the hardest." and the PE, clutching his manhood, recoiling from the where he'd been NERFed the most, looked on in despair. And MJS swore that for his kindness, the Tank had earned an immunity from the NERF bat, until Marty's revenge had been exacted upon all the others. Only then would the NERF bat come to bear on the kind samaritan who helped him out of a ditch, and stole his candy.

But it was not enough to just nerf them all, no, Marty needed to inflict more suffering, more chaos, for their heinous crimes. So from that day forth, MJS insinuated himself into the confidance of two individuals, whispering in their ears, promising them power and riches, and a better world. And they called him Master, and did his bidding. And then, one day, he called Regant and Ceres and ordered them to attack each other.

And the rest, is history...

Until next time...

NERD Editor
13-04-03, 23:05
*me smashes everyone upside the head with the anvil of 'NERD Denial' till everyone stops spamming this post*

NERD Editor
19-04-03, 05:37
NERD Issue # 027

The Truth About Bats and Droms

Lisa Davitt had finished a long and tiring day of being blonde and had returned to her luxurious Plaza 3 apartment. The elevator doors opened and she began walking down the narrow corridor to her apartment door. As she walked, she thought she could hear a grunting, rustling sound. She got to the door and placed her hand on the identi-scanner. The door slid opened and she stepped in. All of a sudden she heard a thud and a scurrying noise, before a flash of light from the Generep was spotted. Lisa, shocked that something had been in her apartment, looked around to see if there was any damage. As best she could tell there wasn't any until...

Aghast, Lisa ran to her hometerm and called the NCPD.
"NCPD here, Officer Jenna speaking,"
"I need help... someone was in my apartment."
"Ok, just calm down ma'am. Is anything stolen?"
"No, worse... whatever it was was molesting my potplants!!"

A few hours later,

McDanish, SoulBurner, Vain and Byron were out fighting near El Farid Village. They had just finished killing a Hazard Worm, and pulling SoulBurner away from its tempting posterior.
"So, what shall we do now?" Byron asked.
"We shall decide what we are going to do now." (Do I even need to tell you who said that?)
"How's about we all head back to city for some Synthetic Milk? Milk, it does the body good. You guys go on ahead and I'll just finish up here... ack." Soul got slapped by Byron again. The debate continued, and rather than stand around with the full weight of his back, McDanish placed a package of tech parts down on the ground. Eventually it looked like everyone had agreed to go back to the city and take a breather, and McDanish went to collect his pack, when a Grim Persecutor came over a dune and ate the package.
"Ack!! A Grim Persecutor has come over a dune and eaten the package!"
"Brilliant deduction Sherlock!" Soulburner yelled, "now what do we do?"
"Mr. Grim, would you kindly cough up my package?" McDanish asked the Grim. The fireball to the face was answer enough.
"Guys, get ready, you attack it from the front and I'll launch my special attack!" Vain yelled. Not having a better idea, they attacked it from the front. Vain snuck around behind the Grim. It looked like SoulBurner was going to be killed, despite Byron's attempts to heal him, when all of a sudden Vain screamed like a dying sheep and launched himself at the Grim. The Grim stopped fireballing the others to turn its head and make a 'hmn?' sound. Once 3 steps away, Vain pulled the buckle on his Inquisition trousers and let them fall to his ankles. 3 men and a Grim stood there, jaws on the ground, as Vain launched himself into midair, with his pants round his ankles and his heat-seeking moisture missile targeting the greatest ass of fire, and impaled the Grim from behind. The thrusting began and the regurgitation started. The Grim's eyes did something similar to Wile E Coyote's eyes in a Roadrunner cartoon as the penetration began.
"NOOOO!!! Not another one!" Byron screamed.
"Hey, I only do em when they're dead." Soul yelled.
"Oh and thats supposed to be a defense?" McDanish looked at him. Vain continued his pelvic assault and, Byron almost wished he hadn't noticed, but the Grim seemed to be grinning. He felt last nights Baked Wasteland Potato's coming back on him.
"Well, *grunt, moan, heave* what are you waiting for *grunt, heave, squelsh* hurry up and shoot it!" Vain yelled between thrusts. Soulburner opened fire and was the most effective. McD and Byron kept trying to shoot with their eyes closed so tended to hit everything around the Grim, but rarely the Grim itself. Eventually the mighty beast was felled, but unfortunately this led to three things.
1. Vain didn't stop.
2. SoulBurner decided to join in.
3. Byron and McDanish generepped back to the city in search of therapy.

After the Grim incident, Soul and Vain decided to chill out at El Farid Village, overlooking the lake. The desert wolves were howling, the vultures were circling, the droms were eating and the two necrophilactic beastial sodomisers were feeling pretty good.
"You know, Grim's pretty good. Not as good as Hazard, but good nonetheless." SoulBurner said.
"Ever tried Warbot?"
"Nah, those guys got sphincters as tight as a drum. Kinda explains the pissed off look on their faces."
"True." Vain agreed.
"You know, sitting here, with nature around us... I'm getting an inspiration coming on."
"Dude, you just did the Grim like 11 times."
"An 'INSPIRATION'... what did you think I said?"
"Oh... never mind. So whats your inspiration?"

(The Following Song 'The Drom Song', is done to the tune of 'The Bad Touch' aka 'Discovery Channel' by BloodHound Gang. Lyrics written by NERD, a subsidiary of LaeminCorp. All Rights Reserved.)

(SoulBurner grabs a mic and stand on top of one of the houses)
"Well now, we call this the act of mating, but there are several things about us you need to be aware of
(Vain pulls out the kiddy drum set he stole of Psycho Killa the other week. Goes mental for a while till Soul kicks in on his electric keyboard.)

Grass baby grass hey we eat it all damn day,
All us Droms chow on the ground like this stuff was piles of hay.
Wait this hands on my glands and its feeling my nuts,
Damn that runners getting horny, like those pepper park sluts.
Now thats too much, you shouldn't touch, this is rough uncharted grounds,
I'm not your lover, pick another, like that Plaza rat in town.
So just back away, i'm here eating hay, I'm not sadistically inclined,
Don't you know this sicko show is a capital crime?

Do it now,
You and me baby are descended from camels,
Your backside texture is patterned like flannel.
Do it again now,
If you get caught, you know that Vain'll be
Down on your 6 giving beastial anal.
Not again now!

(Soul' pointless piano bit)

(the rest of this song was censored due to not being fit to be heard by anyone under the age of 200)

Somewhere near Cycrow, standing over the corpses of several bloody corpses...

"Ohhhh.... bad... music... it disrupts me,.... EEYYYYY.... uuggghhh..." Megaman became quite ill as the highly disturbing sonic waves reached him.

Back to Soul and Vain...

"... yeah man, Droms are cool." Vain was looking with lust at a small herd nearby.
"Yeah man, Droms, lets get us some Drom bootey!!"
"FREEZE!!" SoulBurner and Vain turned to look at the squad before them, weapons drawn, surrounding them.
"Who are you?" Vain asked.
"No questions from you. We're taking you to BED!" The head of the team yelled.
"Well, you know I am kinda tired after that Grim."
"Not bed, BED! BioTech Ecology Division. The two of you are under arrest!"
"On what charges?" Soul asked. The leaders assistant whipped out a gigantic list.
"You two are charged with multiple counts of sodomy, necrophilia, cross-species propogation and abusing a potplant!"
"Oh, right, I didn't have time to clean up before Lisa got back." Vain looked a little embarrased.
"Dude... a potplant? Like, how is that even physically possible?" Soul asked.
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR!! Take them away." And so it was that the two were carted off to BED where they would endure SEX (Sanitising Education eXperiments).

"Vain, we want to help you," Magnus Garn was the guy on top in BED. At this time he was trying to re-educate Vain, "this addiction of yours is not natural, we want to help you."
"You can give me all the SEX you want, I'm not giving up Drom Booteh!!" Vain yelled.
"Please Vain, be open minded, here, look what we have for you," Magnus pushed a button and a medical table with a naked female strapped to it rose up through the floor. Vain realised it was Mako Tanaka strapped to the bench. His eyebrow raised slightly. Mako looked and realised her predicament.
"OH NO YOU DON'T!! I know where he's been, and I know what he's been in! He ain't touching me!" Vain on the other hand was not so sure about that.
"Ohhhh.... Drom Booteh... Mako Booteh... Drom Booteh... Mako Booteh... Mako Booteh... MAKO BOOTEH!!!" Vain snapped his restraints and leapt towards Mako. With equal determination, Mako smashed her restraints leapt off the table, and with a strength that would put Superman's blue-tights wearing monkey ass to shame, punched Vain through the ceiling and some 6 zones out into the Wastelands.
"BAKA!!!! ^-^ " (for those of you who aren't anime fans, baka means idiot. Who said NERD isn't educational?)
Mako-chan then proceeded to go wild in BED. All attempts to give her SEX just fired her up even more. Eventually she found some clothes and stormed off to go strangle Vain.

And it was clear that her tea-sipping days were over...

Until next time...

NERD Editor
22-04-03, 11:12
NERD Issue # 028

Ukko Yli-Jumala

Back in the days of BeTA 2 (once again, for those of you with goldfish attention spans, BeTA 2 stands for Before Terran Animation 2 years, the time before the great unfreezing of the cryo-tubes and the population resurgance) there lived a man. This man was great, and wise, and strong and powerful. Unfortunately he stepped on MJS' toe, got nailed with the NERF bat and died.

So this is the story of another man. A man who is not so great, and wise, and strong and powerful, but nonetheless, we're pretty certain he is a man. Naturally the editing staff did not go over to him to check, we're just going to assume that he is. Cause I mean, come on, what do ya think we're gonna do? Walk up, grab him by the balls, take a squeeze, ask him to turn his head and cough? Anyway...

Once upon a time there was a man named VitalBlade. He walked the streets of Neocron back in the day. Vital loved a good fight, no doubt about it, but he also liked to help out. On a fine day where the radiation was low and the gas clouds weren't hovering around (cause Shodough and his farts of doom were still in cryo thankfully) VitalBlade would stand on the porch of Typherra and wave to passers by, occasionally pulling them over for a good talk, and quite often opening his backpack and throwing goodies like rat flesh, gatling pistols, poison glands and gatling pistols to passers by. Did I mention the gatling pistols? Cause he threw a lot of those things out. Ol' NERD editor remembers the day he was walking by Typherra (for you youngsters out there, that would be the Medicare building in Plaza 1) when all of a sudden a great big gatling pistol came flying off the balcony and nailed ol' NERD editor right in the balls. And NERD editor went down. If you think a gatling pistol is a dangerous weapon to be shot with, then you don't know what its like to have your genitalia mashed by a flying gun. Anyway, not noticing that he had ended NERD editors ability to reproduce, Vital proceeded to chuck another bag full of Gatling pistols over the balcony, effectively burying ol' Ed in rustic weaponry. Eventually the pain subsided and ol' Ed clambered out of the pile (for back in the day gatling pistols were nice and light. After all they were made from 4 metalpipes as the barrels, 3 wires as the trigger and handle and 2 green poisonglands squished up to hold it all together. Amazing what you could make a gun out of back then).

Now a year later, in BeTA 3 (unfortunately the guys in charge of keeping the time back in the day had a few too many synthetic whisky's and consequently couldn't count in the right direction) good old VitalBlade was participating in a good old game of kick the crap out of the Copbots in Pepper Park sector 1. He and some buddies were enjoying the rousing game of knocking the vastly inferior older models of the Cops over when Flawl3ss, enemy of the people and Reza's personal eunuch came running in. Lacking any form of testicles, Flawl3ss had no weak spot. He also lacked any bass in his voice, but thats beside the point. VitalBlade and his long time friend Wannabe (you remember him, the guy you see pasted to the windscreen of your Hovercab every Thursday around lunchtime) engaged Flawl3ss as best they could. But Flawl3ss pulled out a Forbidden Technology. The Ub3rHealth Chip. Inserting it like a supository, Flawl3ss gave himself a 10,000 points of health (for those of you who don't know, Neocron weapons cause your blood to either spill, boil or disintegrate. Once you're out of blood, you kinda die. The Ub3rHealth Chip grants the user a tremendous supply of blood, which it pumps up your rectum and into the bloodstream). But despite this, Vital and Wannabe chose to fight on against the odds. At one point, Vital's mighty Fusion Pistol was destroyed, so Wannabe ran back into Plaza all the way to the back of the Archer & Wessons store in Plaza 1. There he found the Lord of Construction, the original Builder, Professor X.
"Prof, Vital and I are fighting Flawl3ss and I need a replacement Fusion pistol immediately!"
"Oh very well," Professor X closed his eyes for a moment, snapped his fingers and an artifact Fusion Pistol appeared before them, "now go kick ass."
"How do you do that?"
"Its just my gift." Prof answered. (actually it was because he never did anything else all day long, but thats another story).

Wannabe returned to the fight and they fought hard. 7 vendors, 2 Copbots and a newbie named Bob were slaughtered in the exchange, but it looked as though Flawl3ss would win the day. All of a sudden the walls shuddered, a vortex opened in the floor between them and a DEV appeared through it. CoDi stood before them in all his glory. He was packing the crystal of Bannage.
"Flawl3ss, you have committed crimes using the Forbidden Technology. For this you will pay." CoDi began the banning ritual. Not one to go down without a fight, Flawl3ss attempted to kick the crystal. Wanting to help, Vital leapt to protect Codi. Wanting to avoid trouble, Wannabe grabbed a nearby stripper and hightailed it for his apartment. Wanting to strike down Flawl3ss, CoDi pulled his NERF bat out. What happened next would forever go down in history. Flawl3ss dives out of the way in a stunning James Bond action sequence, narrowly escaping the swing of Codi's NERF bat by the fact that he lacked testicles, so the bat passed harmlessly between his legs. Vital, doing a John Woo slow-motion dive in front of CoDi, takes the full force of the bat right in the face and goes flying into a nearby trash can. CoDi, realising his mistake, ignores the now NERFed Vital and proceeds to ban Flawl3ss for a time. He then proceeds to check out the cleavage on one of the nearby strippers.

Now, I'm sure you all know, getting hit with the NERF bat is a horrifying experience. Things don't work right, you feel weak and helpless and everything seems wrong. Getting nailed in the face with the NERF bat is 100 times worse. You're lucky if you can remember how to walk after that. Yet Vital stood up. He cracked a few bones back into place, then turned to look look at CoDi. Gone was the nice, helpful look he always gave. Now there was a look of death in his eyes. He walked over to CoDi, grabbed his belt buckle and pulled his belt off.
"The Belt of Invincibility! No, give it ba...accckkkk" And CoDi, a DEV, fell dead. He had been perforated through the stomach by, you guessed it, a gatling pistol. Wannabe, returning from his quickie, tapped Vital on the shoulder.
"Hey Vital, whats ... ack!" Wannabe crashed into the wall behind him. Vital turned to look at him.
"I am not Vital, I am Ukko Yli-Jumala. Time to die..." and he lurched forward. Wannabe screamed. Then he looked again, and there was VitalBlade, wondering why he was screaming like a 4 year old with a scratched knee.
"Dude, you sould like Flawl3ss, whats the matter?"
"You said you were gonna kill me Ukko." Wannabe sobbed.
"Huh? Who's Ukko?"
"There's a runner called Yu, who calls himself Ukko?"
"No not Yu, You!"
"The man on first..."
"Never mind."
"Whats going on here?" Vital asked.
"Vital, you (and this time he pointed) just said you (again pointed) were Ukko, and that you (3rd time) were gonna kill me (points at himself)."
"You gotta be kidding me..." at this point another runner walked in
"Hello, I'm Yu." Yu said.
"Hi I'm Ukko, prepare to die," and Vital gunned him down. Then he blinked twice and looked at the body and then at Wannabe.
"What happened?"
"You just killed Yu!"
"I killed myself?"
"No, erm... lemme start again...."

This went on for a very long time....

The next year...

VitalBlade's split personality was still becoming a major concern. There were times where Ukko would be very dominant and he'd go off on slaughtering rampages where he'd pillage the women and rape the livestock. Other times VitalBlade would be dominant, and he'd teach survival training to newbies and do needlepoint with Danae. It wasn't so bad, except if you were around at the time of the change. Often, VitalBlade would go to a sewer and give a newbie some help, and go to hand them an artifact stilleto. Then he'd blink twice and stab the blade in their ear as Ukko resurfaced. Eventually Wannabe decided he had to do something. So he went to BioTech and requested aid.
"Sirs, I need you to fix Vital, he can't go on like this."
"Wannabe, rest assured we can help your friend. We can make him better, faster, and stronger than he was before."
"Oh, thank you, you don't know how much this will help, I don't know how to repay..."
"You can repay us by paying the bill."
"Eh... theres a bill?"
"Yes, this procedure will cost... 6 million dollars!"
"6 million dollars? Where am I gonna get 6 million dollars, man?"
"Then we cannot help you." And Wannabe despaired. Where was he going to get 6 million dollars?

The next day was the Great Neocron Stock X crash. Everyone with shares suddenly had a few hundred million dollars, and many people were throwing millions of credits into Plaza 1. With his money problems sorted for life, Wannabe bought the procedure for his friend.
"Here you go VitalBlade," the doctors gave him a cup, "drink this."
"What is it?" Vital asked.
"Its a retrovirus, in liquified form. It will rewrite your DNA and make you of one mind again." Vital drank the contents of the cup.
"Tastes like piss."
"Woops, wrong cup. Sorry, here you go."

And so it was that from that being, the sane mind of VitalBlade, and the wicked mind of Ukko were reformed into a single being, named after the procedure that forged him.

Liquid Virus or LVirus for short.

Present Day.

Some still remember the tales of Ukko and Vital, the Jekyl/Hyde combo that would set you up with all the gear you'd ever need, then shoot you in the ass as you tried to walk away all encumbered by the weight. However, in the harsh times since the Terran Animation, LVirus has met with bouts of depression, and even considered suiciding himself. He's often been seen to walk around wondering what was wrong with the world.
One day he walked into Plaza 1 and found only 4 people around. One was Warlock the Hermit, a fellow survivor of BeTA 2.
"Warlock, is Neocron dying?"
"Why would you ask that L?"
"Look around you? There's no one here, the worlds population is dwindling. Is Neocron doomed?" He despaired again.
"Relax, I'm sure its just your imagination." and LVirus walked off, desperately looking for signs of life.
"Psst, you can all come out now!" Warlock called out. And 200 people flooded back into Plaza.

So if you are ever walking the realm of the Pluto Universe and are wondering why it seems so quiet, realise that LVirus must be around.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
23-04-03, 01:17
One of these individuals will suffer Perma-death:

Laemin, MoonUnit, Lisa Davitt, Murkster, McDanish, Megaman, Bibliotequa, Wannabe, Warlock the Hermit, Centuri

One of these individuals will change teams:

Megaman, Vain, ReefSmoker, MJS, Teh Bunneh, Cassandra Edwards, Carinth, Omega Res, Trillian, Ithaqua

One of these clans will change the face of Neocron:

NUTS, JERK's, CRC, NDA, Blood Brothers, CD, Synergy, GEF, Edgerunners, The Parish

One of these individuals will be mocked:


Issue 30: Betrayal. Coming soon...

NERD Editor
23-04-03, 10:15
One of these individuals will Lie:

Megaman, Torque, Lisa Davitt, Lioon Reza, Richard Adregan, Hurricane, Shodough, Agent K

One of these sectors will be annihilated:

Plaza 4, Pepper Park 2, Outzone Station, ConCentre, Abbey of Crahn

One of these individuals will have a bad day:

CheapLoveMotel, Insidious Wolf, LVirus, Lioon Reza, Ben, Psycho Killa, Shadow

One of these individuals will make terrifying discovery:

Danae, Crono, SpikeZ, Derizor, Wannabe, Hurricane, Smokey, N00bish

Issue 30: Betrayal. Still coming soon....

NERD Editor
24-04-03, 06:40
NERD Issue # 029

Precious No More

R minus 14 days...

Sid was not his usual beyond cocky self this day. He had been out showing his NUBI's how strong he was when he had received a summons to Reza's office. The summons simply said 'Don't make me wait.' That was never a good sign. Sid told his NUBI's (all 2 of them at this point) to train (which essentially meant they were gonna stand in front of each other and punch each other in the face, till one of them started bleeding) till he returned (or till the passed out).

Later that day at Reza's Plaza lvl 4 apartment;

"Sir, Insidious Wolf has arrived," Cassandra messaged through the intercom.
"Send his ass in." Reza growled. Sid, not wanting to portray the concern he had, put on his best face and strode into the room, with the usual full of himself attitude he always exuded.
"Heya boss, whats the word?" Sid asked.
"You're fired."
"I charged you with the task of making for me a powerful mercenary force. I told you to crush those carebear, toilet installing NUTS months ago. I ordered you to sway a city faction to my cause. None of these things did you accomplish. Instead, you wound up barely able to eek out an existance as a CityMercs clan. Your clan numbers can be counted on one hand and as far as I'm concerned, you're little more than a laughing stock right now," Reza walked towards Sid, who was no longer full of bravado.
"Now wait a sec boss, I can..." he was promptly bitchslapped to the wall behind him.
"You DARE to interrupt me?? What use have I for you if you cannot accomplish any task I set for you?" Sid did not respond, "As I thought. Sid, you cannot be my minion, you're not up to the task. For your efforts in recent War, I shall allow you to leave and do as you please. But you shall not set foot in this office again. Now get out." Reza turned away and began walking back to his desk. Sid suddenly leapt forward and knocked Reza to the ground.
"It darez to slaps us? It DAREZ to mocks us. I R L337 precious!!! YESSS!" Sid hauled out his Holy Lightning ready to strike down Reza once and for all, but he was broadsided by another individual, one he had not seen in the room. Before Sid passed out he noticed the shimmer of a cloaking unit shutting off, and the girth of a GenTank looming over him...

Sid awoke on the steps of CityAdmin. His hands were tied and he was feeling very groggy. Whoever knocked him senseless had departed, and now Sid found himself surrounded by Copbots.
"Attention citizens of Neocron. For actions against our Beloved Lioon Reza," Cassandra Edwards was standing nearby at a podium, talking to the city through its PA system. Sid had to wonder how she could stomach to say 'beloved Reza', "Insidious Wolf has been hereby banned from the city. He is to be evicted from Neocron effective immediately. Returning to the city will warrant the punishment of death. Begin the eviction."

And with that, Sid was lifted to his feet and shoved down the steps. He turned to give an evil eye to the Copbots but the pain on his backside prevented him from doing so. A paddle slapped across his butt.
"Oww, hey whats the big... OWWW" he got hit again, and again, and again. Yes, the eviction process was actually the great tradition of the asspaddling parade of 2437. Sid began almost running as fast as he could, as the entire population of Neocron had lined up forming a path from the steps of CityAdmin all the way to Outzone station. Each person was armed with a paddle and they smacked his ass for all it was worth on his way to the gate.
"Ow... quit it. No, stop it. Yes, we lovez it! No we's don'ts! You's nots adventurous enoughs! I R L337 not adventurous! Precious says we likes it, go slowers! Get your own ass and have it paddled! This is my ass and I wants it spanked! No it's My Ass!..." this and other inane conversations with himself could be heard as Sid sometimes ran, sometimes walked out of the city. Eventually he reached the gate and was pushed down the ramp by the STORM bots. Then the gate creaked shut behind him and he was alone. Night fell on the Wastelands.

R minus 13 days...

Sid, tired and unable to sit down, walked onwards towards the MB. He had lost his job, and all rights to enter Neocron. Of course there were ways to enter undetected, but it would be a dangerous task to accomplish. During the noon day sun, Sid took shelter under a tree, and leaned against it, making sure to keep his glow in the dark red ass from touching anything. He watched the dragonflies dogfighting, the dogs catfighting, and wondered why there were no cats to act like dragons. Eventually, he found the courage to lie down for a while, and he passed into a slumber.

That evening...

"Sid, gets up. We's needs to talk." Sid sat up and found himself face to face with ... A Mauler. Sid was about to pull his gun when the Mauler started talking.
"Sid, I am your father!"
"Heh, I love this gag." the mauler grinned.
"Who the hell are you?" Sid couldn't believe he was beginning a discussion with a Mauler.
"I am Precious!" Sid checked himself, patting down his pockets and his groin.
"The Mauler ate My Precious!! Give it back fireboy!"
"I dids not eats Precious, I ams Precious!! And why did you check your balls? I was never there, well.... that one time... but nevers uz minds!"
"So, if you're Precious... why are you a Mauler."
"This is one of thoze moments of revelations where you're inner voice appears before you to givez uz Pearls of Wisdoms. To do that, I had to exit your ass (btw, would it hurt to wipe once in a while??) head to the Higher Plane and get a hold of a morph crystal. Unfortunates for me's I seems to have stolens Laemin's one. Its really is brokes. So I must be a Mauler for dis talks."
"Can I sell Pearls of Wisdom at Yo's?" Sid asked. The Mauler kicked Sid in the ass. He screeched then shut up.
"Sids, uz must gives up The Precious! You must be's better than this."
"No!! I needs Precious. Precious is good. Precious keeps me warm at night." They both looked around to make sure no one heard that.
"No, Sid. You must give up the Precious to find yourself. Walk the path of destruction unhindered and bring forth the new age."
"I don't understand."
"Of course you don't. I'm talking in cryptic crap, there's no way you can know what I really mean."
"That totally sux."
"True, but it sounds like I know my stuff."
"And do you?"
"Not so much. I'm overcompensating here."
"Figures." Sid rolled his eyes.
"Ok, fine. So you need to walk that way," The Mauler farted a fireball in the direction, "and destroy all you see. Only then can you bring forth your old strength. And no more talking to Precious."
"Damn. Fine, I shall destroy. Farewell Precious, I R L337 and I R Gone." And Sid rose and began walking. Once he was out of sight, the Mauler morphed shape. Where once it had stood, there now stood the ominous black armani powerarmour that all of Neocron knew to fear.
"That should get him out of the way. Precious is too unpredictable for this campaign." And MJS walked off, laughing maniacly and scaring creatures, till he tripped on a boulder.
"Damnit!! Who put that there?" CoDi appeared before him.
"Sorry, my bad."
"You're demoted, go taste test the new Intestine Burgers." MJS growled. CoDi weeped as he warped to the nearest food vendor to try out the latest hideous food sensation from McMutants.

R minus 12 days...

Sid was in better spirits as he sang a walking song to himself.
"Hey hey and away I go, where I'll stop no one can know.
Walk this path, 5 zones long, watch out now cause Sid is strong.
Bringing fire death and pain, Insid-e-ous Wolf, yes thats my name.
Running on the sandy dunes, tripping on some newbies tombs.
Where the crap am I right here? That Johnny 5 is striking fear... eh?"

Sid found himself surrounded by strange robots that rolled around and surrounded him.
"Intruder, Intruder. Disassemble." They all armed their laserpointers.
"Disassemble? NO!!!" Sid prepared to fight them when they shone their laser pointers in his eyes.
"Arrrgghhhh, my cataracts!!!" The Bots beat Sid up for a while, then determined that with only 3 unbroken bones he wouldn't be much of a threat so they went back to patrolling. Sid lay there for some time, wondering how long it takes for bones to fix themselves when dusk fell and two individuals met nearby. Sid could not see, but he could just make out their voices.
"Is all in preparation?" the first asked in a low resounding voice.
"Yes. Soon I shall move. You shall know it is time when the earth itself shakes. Then shall my coming be nigh." the other responded in what seemed to be an electronically altered voice.
"Very well. We shall stand prepared to aid you. Then we shall have our revenge."
"I live only to serve my new masters." the 2nd responded. They laughed a little then parted.
"New masters? Who were the old masters?? What the..." then two more of the 3 unbroken bones broke and Sid passed into unconsciousness. He was awakened occasionally by a Johnny 5 robot running over his foot, but otherwise he just lay there.

R minus 11 days...

Eventually, Sid was found and dragged into the bowels of Dome of York by some of their guards. He was chained to a wall and subjected to tickle torture. But he told them nothing, for he had nothing to tell. So they tickled him anyway, cause it was fun. Eventually they tended his wounds and fed him, but Sid remained locked up, in the dungeons of Dome of York, without even a Precious to talk to...

R minus 10 days...

Until next time...

NERD Editor
24-04-03, 10:16
I can see you're the kind of people who throw a temper tantrum when a show has a season cliffhanger....

Leave em hanging and they throw a fit.

Anyways, Issue 30 is in process. However, as it is expected to be, well, Long (points at Issue 20 as an example) this may take a bit longer.

So quit chomping at the bit, Ol' Nerd Ed will see ya right.

NERD Editor
25-04-03, 10:39
NERD Issue # 030


5 days had passed since Insidious Wolf had been taken prisoner by Dome of York forces. Unfortunately no one actually knew about this as he had been exiled, his NUBI's were unaware of his presence, and any that might have tried to follow his trail would not have got past the dragnet of security now encircling Dome of York. Thus Sid's disappearance had gone virtually unnoticed in the city of Neocron, with the exception of one.

R minus 5 days...

The wall gave way and dust filled the air. Light seeped into the dark void and illuminated small walkways and running water.
"Ok this is new. What have we found here?" Warlock asked as he widened the hole in the wall that he had just created.
"We have found a hole in the wall." Warlock might have backhanded McDanish, but it didn't seem worth it. Once the hole was large enough to pass through, Warlock entered the darkness. A few moments later he exited the darkness and went to the nearest Archer & Wessons for two flashlights (the one item in all of Neocron he'd never had a use for). Returning to the hole, he and McDanish entered the darkness, flashlights in hand.

The day before the two had been working on the last toilet installations for Pepper Park 3. At long last it seemed the toilet installation work was coming to a close. But while they worked, they had heard faint noises coming through a wall. Some minor investigative work had revealed that beyond that particular wall should be nothing. That wall was supposed to be part of the main city walls that enclosed Neocron from the Wastelands. Yet, they were certain they could hear sounds, rhythmic and mechanical. McDanish had repeatedly stated that this was 'odd' and that added to Warlock the Hermit's genetic disposition towards exploration led to the two deciding to see if in fact there was anything on the other side of a wall that was supposedly several hundred metres thick. When the wall gave way, they knew they were on to something.

Sure enough, as they entered the darkness, it was revealed that a long since abandoned passageway led between the enclosing walls of Pepper Park 3 and the main city walls. The walkways were hard to navigate, as it was incredibly dark, even with the flashlights, and various debris cluttered their path. But onwards they continued, after making a quick pause to contact NUTS HQ about their plan of action, into the dark unknown.

Not far off, at the Pepper Park Subway platform, Wannabe was preparing for work. Today he had some assistance, as his good friend LVirus had been accepted to work with him. The two were heading down to the NEXT employee access area. Wannabe placed his hand on the door access, and the DNA sampler identified him. The two entered the restricted area, and made their way into the tunnels. Wannabe was even more cheery this day than usual. Not only had he received a promotion to Assistant Manager of Tube Maintenance, not only had he received another substantial pay increase, not only was his friend now going to be working alongside him, but on top of all of that... with LVirus' help, Wanna felt he was finally going to get that damn rat that kept towing him out into the line of traffic. With all that in mind, he jovially stepped out onto the walkway and began navigating his way towards today's work area. They were going to be working at the Pepper park offramp, the point where traffic can either turn towards the old unused sections of the system, or turn to head off towards Outzone station. NEXT had quite optimistically put forth instructions to begin work on reactivating the unused segments. Apparently it was believed that CityAdmin would approve a proposal currently before them to add additional stops and increase the scope of the cities transit system. This all sounded like a lot of work to NEXT, but it also meant pay bonus', so the employees were happy. It would also mean a price skyrocket in NEXT stocks, so investors with their ear to the inside stories were happy too.

LVirus, having reached the location, took out his fusion-cutter and looked to Wannabe for instructions.
"Ok, so what now?"
"Ok, we basically need to open up the plates to access the cabling and see if the cables are still active. If not we need to replace them. Once we've verified that all cabling is functional to the next routing point, we weld all the plates into place, clear any debris, then activate this section. That'll probably take 2 days, so I don't really need to say more at this point."
"Cool, cool. But so I know, once we've done this section we keep moving further down the track right?" LVirus pointed down the abandoned passage.
"Yeah, thats the general idea. Once we reach the next junction we inform HQ and ask for the next assignment."
"Ok, well I guess we got our work cut out for us. That mess right there's gonna be a bitch."
"What mess?" and then Wannabe looked. And just a section down the track he saw the rubble. An entire segment of wall was collapsed and the debris was strewn about.
"Oh hell... what coulda caused this mess? Come on we'd better check it out." And so they marched on towards the rubble.

"... and we can have a half dozen Copbots in position to receive the latest shipment. Naturally securing the basic resources will be of paramount importance. Also sir, we've still got this matter of runners commenting on strange noises from Pepper Park. Naturally I've told them that any problems in Pepper are due to the meddling Black Dragons trying to act like a real estate broker, but I do believe there may be a need to investigate..." Cassandra Edwards prattled on about the daily list of work needed to maintain the city and CityAdmin's operations. Naturally, she knew Reza wasn't paying attention, but she paid this job all the lipservice it needed, in every meaning of the phrase.
"Reza may not care about anything I'm reading to him," she would think, "but he does care if I don't read it. Then he gets paranoid that I'm not being open enough." So she read as she had done every day for the last 4 years. The only time Reza would pay attention was when it was time for his personal 'lipservice' or when Cassandra drew upon the topics of 'CityAdmin Special Projects'. These were Reza's babies; that which he poured his energy into. And most of his projects showed that enthusiasm. The testing and manufacture of X-borgs might have been a failure, but it had not been for lack of effort. And even now, Reza still kept stashes of X-borgs just in case. At the end of the War for Neocron many months ago, Reza had noted that their bezerker tendencies made them hopeless for defense or security, but the perfect Trojan Horse. Reza's efforts to find 2 salvagable Cold Fusion Missiles had saved the city (although from the way he spoke, you'd think he'd have preferred Neocron to be destroyed, calling their use in its defense a waste, and how SpikeZ had doomed us all by launching them on the Dome's forces). His project to ready the Mechs had paid dividends big time. Production and demand were skyrocketing. Everyone wanted mechs, and once they had them, they were still wanting more. Able to cross all terrains at speed, highly armoured and packing some fine energy weapons, they were a formidable sight on the battlefield. Reza's latest project was called the Uplink Annex. Even Cassandra, whom all information and orders went through, could not discern the purpose of the project. Various CityAdmin clans, particularly Clan NCPD had been requested to acquire and hold Uplinks throughout the Wastelands. Since few clans actually used the Uplinks to boost their long range communications in the Wastes, there had been little resistance. But Reza had specified the clans to make the uplinks off-limits. So, the clans armed the uplinks heavily, and in so doing had attracted some attention. But again, with the limited value to the uplinks, there had been little opposition. The occasional problem had come from JERK's, but oddly enough they had been beaten back by Megaman.

Now, some may recall that during the incidents where Martin had unleashed the Blood Brothers on the Pluto Universe, Megaman was assimilated into JERK's by Psycho Killa. This had been the case for a time. But those incidents, and the War for Neocron, had left JERK's somewhat disillusioned. Their power had waned and they had become less active. Thirsting for blood, violence, and his favourite Jukebox in the city, Megaman had convinced Psycho Killa to come with him, and the two had broken from JERK's. They had gathered to their cause as many like minded warriors as they could, and under the banner of the Black Dragons, had formed a clan of their own.
"So, what shall we call it?" Psycho had asked.
"Dunno, any thoughts?" Megaman had replied.
"How about, Claw of the Dragon, or CD for short!" Psycho suggested. Others nodded in agreement.
"Man, get your mamma to pick your names for you, you still need help. But you might be on to something with CD."
"Ok, how about Clan of Destroyers?"
"Not bad, but I like Three Letter Acronyms more. So how's about... Clan of Destructive Villains?" Everyone jumped up and shouted in agreement. Their name was chosen.
And so it was that the name of evil came into being in Neocron. CDV had come to reign terror in Neocron.

And by protecting the CityAdmin outposts, Megaman had won the favour of Reza. He now stood where Sid had fallen. And he swore his allegiance to Reza and Neocron. It had been he who had knocked Sid senseless before his eviction parade. And it was he that was succeeding in bringing Black Dragons under the CityAdmin protection veil, despite years of hostility. But Megaman had been most convincing to the leaders of the faction. So Megaman and CDV worked to ensure the Uplinks remained in CityAdmin control.

"Very well Cassandra, tomorrow I want orders sent to these carriers to deliver their cargo's to the uplinks and then return. That should be all thats required for that project. Anything else?"
"No sir, I believe that should be everything. Oh, wait, you wanted me to start reminding you about that special date."
"Ah yes, how are preparations going for that?"
"They are proceeding nicely sir. This should be a grand spectacle for the people."
"Good. In these chaotic times it helps to distract the cattle with something flashy from time to time..."


The Gates of the Dome began to open. More security bots rolled out into the desert areas. Night fell on the Wastelands, and all was quiet.

NERD Editor
25-04-03, 10:40
R minus 4 days...

NDA were setting up a training ground in the Northern Wastes. They had decided to use Soliko Lab as this ground. The area was to be set up for weapon testing stations and wargame exercises, to train their numbers. Centuri stood on a rock, looking out across his team as they worked. He looked towards the north and saw dustclouds raising from around Dome of York.
"That can't be good. What are they doing now?"
"Rumour has it they've been digging out trenches around the gate." Omega Res came up by his side.
"Yeah, seems they've been fortifying their position with more than just those rolling bots."
"Have a few more turrets placed around the outpost. Just in case..."

Cargo transports had made their deliveries during the night to the Uplinks. The cargo had been unloaded and the receiving clans had taken the contents down into the underground sections, where they began to install them. Today the transports could be seen pulling up to the cities loading docks, and the crews heading in for some long overdue rest. Meanwhile, Reza was ordering the satellite dishes to full activation. Ms. Edwards continued to relay the orders, but still could not determine the purpose.

Early in the morning, Ithaqua had decided to lead most of NUTS on a hunt between Neocron and Tech Haven, clearing out mutants and creatures as and when they found them. McDanish and Warlock had reported they would not be joining them, as they were still investigating the hole in the wall they had discovered. But the rest of NUTS had decided to go on a one week hunt with Ithaqua. They would salvage what supplies they could in the field, and sleep under the stars. Hopefully, they would have fun. Vain and SoulBurner took point, for none knew how to find creatures better than they. Evangelion and Gully Foyle followed up, discussing the pro's and con's of breast implants. Lisa Davitt, Techi, Trillian, Ithaqua, Mako Tanaka and the rest brought up the centre. Byron and Diesel served as the rear guard. They marched from Outzone station to Jerriko and went to the ASG. They activated some of their vehicles and loaded up. Ithaqua took the drivers seat of his 'bus' and others loaded in. ReefSmoker, Vain and Tiny Shopkeeper activated their Mechs and began marching alongside. Foyle decided his recently acquired Reveler would be a nice ride, so he drove in that. And thus they set off before noon, with no clear intention other than to kill some mobs.

Tomorrow was to be a very special day for SpikeZ and Danae. It was to be the third anniversary of their first encounter with each other. To celebrate, SpikeZ had planned a special trip for the two of them. They would set out late in the afternoon from their Plaza 4 quarters, and take a leisurely evening stroll. Their destination was to Outzone 7, where they had first ran into each other. Now, normally one would not even consider going to OZ 7 during the night, much less intending to spend the night there, but of late, the mutant population in that area had been reduced to nothing. Not really caring either way, as he felt certain he could protect his puffy cheeked goddess, SpikeZ carried on with his plan. He met up with Danae for a quick lunch of sushi (not the special kind) and then they grabbed their backpacks and started their walk. The two walked, for the most part without talking, not really feeling the need to, through Pepper park. A small clan skirmish broke out about them, but the two were oblivious...

Yesterday's discovery of the caved in wall had ruined Wannabe's perfect mood. He now saw days of excavation work before him before he could even begin on the cable inspections.
"L dude, come on, get that pile of rubble there out of here." Wannabe yelled as he continued to shovel loose rubble away.
"I'm a welder, Jim, not a dumptruck!"
"Never mind, can't we get some help for this?"
"Not a chance. The rest of NEXT is tied up in some 'special assignment'. NUTS are off on a walk today, so there's no one I can call."
"What special assignment?"
"I'm not sure. But most of the NEXT runners have been working down in the labs, so they must be manufacturing something down there."
"Cool. Maybe its more hovercabs for the new tracks."
"Seems likely. Anyway, lets get back to clearing this crap out." He took another shovel-load, "Hey LVirus, check this out." and he lifted up a mechanical arm.
"Wonder what that came off?"
"Might be off an old maintenance bot, before they figured out this stuff needs the human touch."
"I suppose..."

Cassandra had the afternoon off, so she was relaxing at home. She'd sent a few private mails in the early noon, but was basically taking the rest of the day to just lounge about the house in her underwear. Reza seemed fairly content with himself. Whatever inane game he was playing with the Outposts was keeping him happy, and this celebration he had planned was obviously something he was planning on enjoying himself. So, Cassandra could just take it easy. And considering how the last few months had been going, she needed it. Her first real break wasn't for another 2 days, but she couldn't wait. Her private messager bleeped, but she decided to hold off for an hour before answering it.

"Ewww, what did I just step in? Is that moving?" McDanish exclaimed.
"Would you keep your mind on what you're doing?"
"My mind is on the path, and the path is covered in slimy moving things."
"Well mind the slimy moving things and cover the path. Shine your flashlight over there, I need more light." Warlock was investigating a rusty door at the end of the corridor. Yesterday the two had spent over half the day exploring the passage. In one direction it led to a small ante-room with various old tools. They were incredibly antiquated, which just led them to believe that they truly had found a long lost segment of the city. In one cabinet they had found a pneumatic drill, a relic of a bygone era, now replaced with the subwave drill or the mining tool. They had also found a generator, powered by combusting poisonglands in a flame. Crude, but effective. So they had converted the small room into the base for their investigations. They had brought adequate supplies in with them and then covered the hole in the wall over, to limit the chances of other runners invading their discovery. The air was stale in the corridors, but the ante=room itself had ventilation access to the city, so was quite hospitable to life. After spending the night regaining their strength they had carried on to the other end. And now they had found the rusty door. There was no terminal for handprint access (or hacking, which was doubly annoying) so they were having to remove it completely. After 7 hours of attempting to weaken the hinges, McDanish was getting fed up.
"This thing ain't budging. Lets head back and find Wannabe, maybe we can borrow a Fusion-cutter."
"If we borrow a cutter, he'll have to account for it. That'll lead to people discovering what we're doing. And you know CityAdmin. Once they hear of any 'new discovery' they try to claim it for themselves."
"Okay fine, but how are we going to open this thing up?" Warlock reached to his belt and grabbed the last momento from his predecessor Master Yoda. The lasersword blazed to life and he disintegrated the hinges and the lock.
"Ok, so why didn't you do that before?"
"Take 3 steps back and ask me that." McDanish did just before the door teetered over and fell on where he had been sitting. The corridor echoed with the boom.
"Not exactly subtle was it?" Warlock grinned. McDanish grabbed his flashlight and the two entered the newly opened room. It was a pump station, apparently feeding drainwater from atop the city walls down into the filtration system of the city.
"We have found a pump station." McDanish said.
"Thanks for that. Now to save yourself a kidney punch, tell me why its sealed off."
"Umm..." he got punched in the kidney.
"I think this is part of the original city infrastructure."
"When the city was built, the original focus was not on nice streets, lots of shops and special services. The focus was on maintaining the walls and the shields, keeping power running and making the basic functions of the city work. This must be part of the system that keeps the wall from decaying."
"Great, so if its that important, why is it abandoned."
"I don't know. Perhaps when they started window-dressing the city to make it look prettier, they walled this up and forgot about it."
"Maybe. So what now?"
"Well there's another door over there, lets try our exploring luck." The two walked over to the door and to their relief found that it had a simple drawbolt lock on it. They opened it with only a minor degree of effort and proceeded further within.

Reza received reports from his special agents during the times he gave Cassandra the afternoon off. He trusted her with the running of the entire city, and kept a fairly loose leash on her, but there were some things he would not share with anyone.
"So, what is the word on the Uplinks?"
"The preliminary signal bounce has been returned by all but 1 of the Uplinks. Tescom didn't get the shipment till early this morning, so they'll still be installing them. We detect no delays whatsoever and should be operational by 0200 hours tomorrow morning."
"Excellent. Keep up the tests. I want it to work flawlessly."
"Yes sir." the transmission changed over to another of Reza's personal agents.
"What news from my breeding pens?"
"X-borg production has been limited like you ask. We have 3 deployable units ready for use at your call, and we can produce 3 more as quickly as 48 hours after getting the go ahead sir."
"Excellent. Ensure their containment. The proposed delivery system is ready?"
"Yes sir."
"Then all is in order. Good work and good day." and the next transmission came across."
"This is Tangent Requisitions, special agent, deep cover. The shipment of weapons has been prepared. It seems that NEXT will receive them tomorrow afternoon. However, there has been some snooping by the Fallen Angels. I will continue to monitor the weaponry till it has reached its destination. Out."
Yes, all was in place. The cover-story that NEXT would be expanding the subway was working well. Everyone believed that NEXT was about to begin a contract to build more hovercabs and increase Subway usage. This was far from the truth, but it covered enough bases to be believable. It explained the added manpower NEXT was using, the resources they were consuming and the continuiung conversations with CityAdmin over the matter. It would not explain the shipment of weapons tomorrow, but by then it would be too late to do anything. Reza sent out instructions, that Cassandra would issue in the morning to prepare a PR smokescreen, stating that CityAdmin had ordered a large number of Mechs for city protection, thus requiring a large scale order of weapons. The smoke only needed to buy them a few days. Then the project would be complete. Once ready, with the uplinks and the X-borgs, Reza would finally be able to....

The small opening in the steel door opened, and a tray of what passed as food was put through it. Tired and still in a lot of pain, Sid decided he'd make a move to get it shortly, but not yet. No one had come to see him for 5 days now. The last visit had been short and uneventful, with a doctor checking that the medikits were starting to take effect. He wondered how long he would be here, and what was to become of him. Then he tried to move for his food, and decided that thinking was a bad idea, almost as bad as moving. Darkness entered his cell as night fell on the wastelands.

NERD Editor
25-04-03, 10:41
R minus 3 days...

Danae and SpikeZ had camped out under the stars that night. Engrossed in each others company, the grottiness of the place around them had not phased their anniversary in the slightest. SpikeZ, attempting to be the perfect man, had attempted to make breakfast. Once they put the fire out, Danae made breakfast. The two decided to walk around the zone after their meal, and reminisce about the place they had met. That day long ago, when SpikeZ had been trying to reason with a Mutated Bat that his hair would not make good nesting material, and the Bat had responded by trying to render him bald. Danae had then burst in with her Double sharpened Claw and saved SpikeZ righteous hairstyle, and the two had got to know each other over a meal of Spicy Batwings.
As they walked, they spoke softly and intimately, occasionally stopping to mack out a bit, then carrying on when they realised some mutant creature was watching and enjoying. However, at one stop, Danae peered over SpikeZ' shoulder and spotted an open hatch. Curious, the two decided to take a look inside. They found a large corridor heading in a downward slope. Not wanting to go unprepared, the two returned for their gear before carrying on. With no idea as to when their journey would end or where they would end up, they entered the corridor together.

In another dark corridor...
The third day in the abandoned sections of the city, McDanish and Warlock were making good headway in their explorations. So far they had located 2 pump rooms that were functioning, and one that was not. Signs of wall degredation were appearing in that area, and they made a note to bring this to the attention of the people in charge. But just before dusk (or at least their timers told them that, no natural light had found them since they entered these tunnels) they discovered a very heavy deutrithium door. There was no way Warlock's laserblade would even singe this door, so instead they set to work in repairing the doors systems so they could open it. This was going to take some time.

In yet another dark corridor...
Wannabe had managed to requisition a hovertrolley to help them cart the debris out. As they had proceeded, they had noted more and more mechanised bits. He was starting to become concerned. Yet something nagged at his mind, something he knew he should know about his current situation, but it escaped him.

Night fell on the wastelands.

R minus 2 days...

Soliko was armed solid. Scouting parties had detected numerous Dome of York bots rolling around in ever increasing circles from the gates. The rumours of the trenches were true, and now the entire surrounding areas were littered with pop-up turret defenses. Beta Warbots were out in force and whatever was causing the dustclouds had yet to show itself. Centuri had not slept a wink since he'd heard the rumbling growl of 3 beta Warbots walking past the base of Soliko precipice 2 nights earlier. Since then he had called in all NDA forces; placed Mechs at strategic locations and the outpost was now bristling with turrets. But still he was ill at ease. It was in the air again, that sense that something was coming. The last time he'd felt like this, Neocron had been given a gaping gash in the city wall, most of the wastelands had been destroyed, and Centuri himself had ended up with a piece of outpost stuck in his thigh for 3 weeks. And the winds were picking up...

Ithaqua's hunting party had finished an outstanding battle in the Crystal Caves. Carrying bits of batqueen with them, NUTS were feeling quite good. They loaded back into their transports, and this time set off west. Ithaqua was really happy he'd thought to start this hunting party.

"Simon, have the calibrators been adjusted yet?" Ulam asked.
"Yes sir, the man from CityAdmin was just here. He's completed his work on the system."
"You made sure this time?"
"He had work papers issued by Ms. Edwards herself."
"Ok, thank you Simon." Uman went back to his work. In the alley behind his office, an individual in CityAdmin clothing and holding official papers, threw them on top of the corpse in the trashcan and walked off towards Pepper Park.

"I have had it with this crap, man. This was supposed to be a 2 day job. And yet, here I am, 4 days in, still digging through this crap. If I find the moron who caused this cave-in, he is gonna suffer dearly." LVirus was wishing he'd never become gainfully employed.
"I think I might be that moron." Wannabe said softly. LVirus turned to look at him. In his hands were what was left of an exploded fusion-cutter. "I threw this down here to block the corridor when Dome of York tried to invade."
"But that was months ago right?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Well look at this, this damage is new. It can't have been here for more than a few weeks." Wannabe realised he was correct.
"Lets keep digging for a bit shall we?"

Around noon the announcement came over the loudspeakers of the city:
"Citizens of Neocron. This is Lioon Reza. Recently CityAdmin has undertaken the task of studying the Ceres Disc's further. In our investigations, we discovered a reference to a particular date, every year, that we have overlooked. That date is the 4th of July. It was traditional for a long since dead country, the United States, to celebrate their Independence on this day. Since the attack by Dome of York several months ago, we have not celebrated the fact that our city is not an occupied city. So, the day after next, we shall celebrate the 4th of July. Shipments from the Uplinks have been acquired by CityAdmin clans of food and beverages for our enjoyment. I encourage all citizens, even the denizens of Tsunami and Black Dragons, to join us in this celebration. As was customary, ProtoPharma and Tangent have developed fireworks, for a visual display in the nights sky. Thank you for your time."

That afternoon MAX-T and Synergy XR received delivery of the weapons consignment from Tangent. They transported the goods to the factory beneath NEXT HQ and got to work on the installation of the weapons.

The corridor that Danae and SpikeZ had entered had proven to be insanely long. Eventually the two found a relatively level place and went to sleep, and then resumed their walk the next morning.
"Are we there yet?" Danae asked.
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Sorry. Ooh, whats this? Sugarfree Milky Ren?" Danae tasted it, and seemingly liked it.
"No self-respecting man would eat a sugarfree Milky Ren."
"Well I'm fortunately not a man then." SpikeZ agreed, for so many reasons. Eventually their journey levelled off, but still no end was in sight. But determined to see things through, they walked on.

The replaced cables conducted power from the gland powered engine in their sleeping quarters. The doors jolted to life, then creaked out of the way. Victorious, McDanish and Warlock stepped into the next room. And they stopped and stared in awe.

Before them was a monolithic machine, some 10 stories tall, cables running to and fro. From where they were standing, they could see 4 other structures, each identical, partitioned from each other and enclosed by a duraglass ceiling. The balcony they stood on overlooked the 5 structures.
"Ok, so what are those?"
"Reactors." McDanish replied.
"These must be the 5 reactors that power the city."
"Ohhh... k, so I'm guessing we shouldn't be here."
"By all accounts no one will be."
"Oro?" Warlock's affinity for the anime sections of the Ceres Discs' kicked in again.
"The cities generators were placed before the ground levels of the city were. They were given self repairing and self replicating maintenane drones with the sole purpose of maintaining the reactors. Then they were sealed off according to the tales."
"You mean those busted down drones over there?" And they both looked to see where he was talking. A landing bay for the drones which was obviously their launching station, had been crushed by a girder that had fallen down. They looked around and could see no working drones.
"Dude this is serious," Warlock grabbed McD by the arm, "we need to check the reactors. If nothings maintaining them, there could be trouble."
"Indeed, lets go."

A few hours later the two had determined that the reactors were working fine, but there were no drones in operation at all.
"So what do we do?"
"Well, there's no immediate danger, so lets see if we can't fix some of these drones. If they're self repairing, they might have instructions on how to fix their landing platform as well."
"Ok, lets try. But if we haven't figured this out by sundown tomorrow we go up and tell someone."
And so they began their work. McDanish began opening one of the lesser damaged ones, looking for areas that needed repairing or replacing. Warlock began scrounging for drone carcasses that they could canibalise to fix the others.

Cassandra Edwards excused herself from Reza's office slightly early this evening, saying she had an old friend coming to visit. She returned home and accepted her visitor just before 9. The two spoke for a few hours, then her visitor passed her a package, a modified hacktool with extended range. Her visitor then departed.
"We're almost there. Just a little further."

NERD Editor
25-04-03, 10:43
R minus 1 day...

Centuri was glad he was not sleeping. By morning light, the canyon was infested. Communication signals were jammed and they were in trouble. Scythe-bots were pouring across the cliffs, Beta Warbots were marching on their position, those annoying artillery cannons were slowly rolling their way, and Ceres War Veterans were standing on the clifftops like something out of Shaka Zulu. Not a shot had been fired, but they were here, and Centuri was not going to lose this time.

Ithaqua and the others had reached Regants Fortress. They decided to take a day off from hunting and set up camp in the field south west of the generep. It was a nice flat space with little creature population. Hurricane, not being one to just sit around, decided to start wandering further west, using his cloaking device rather than his gun when trouble arose. The rest set up camp, watched Eva do her morning lapdance for whoever was closest, and peeping on Lisa and Trillian as they got undressed in their tents. Ithaqua just kicked back and enjoyed the moment.

Wannabe was not enjoying a single moment. The more he dug, the more he realised this landslide had been orchestrated. At 2 in the afternoon he discovered the broken tip off a CityAdmin subwave drill. At 4:30pm LVirus found the coattails off a Monks jacket. And as the workshift came to a close, neither was leaving. There was something not far off and they were going to find it.

Danae had found it. The door at the end of the corridor. Not caring what was on the other side, just wanting to end their 3 day trek, she opened it leaving SpikeZ to haul in their luggage. When he arrived his eyes met with the following sight:
Chemicals lined one wall, and workbenches the other. There was no one present aside from the two of them, but it was evident that people had been here, and recently. They investigated the workbench. It was obvious they had been mixing the chemicals here, but for what purpose? Danae was about to move on when SpikeZ spotted a small package behind part of the bench. He reached for it and brought it to sight. It was an explosive. A chemical composite bomb to be exact. Suddenly the realisation that the two had walked into something much bigger than they ever intended smacked them round the ears, and they knew they were in trouble. They were deliberating their next move when a door at the other end of the room opened. A Psi-monk, with face covered, entered and stopped short.
"Who...who are you!!!" the monk said.
"Hey, I know that voice... its ... um.... oh come on help me out..." SpikeZ started trying to 'guess that voice', but the Monk wasn't waiting. It dived out of the room, and the door slammed shut and locked. But not before an active bomb rolled in. SpikeZ went to pick it up but Danae grabbed him and hauled him out the rear door, which from this side was obviously a hidden exit. They dived out into the corridor just as the bomb went off and the two dived to the ground.
"SpikeZ sweetie, you have really got to learn to sense danger better."
"Danger? But that monk left that for us."
"Yes, to KILL us."
"Oh come on, he just met us." Danae rolled her eyes. SpikeZ had this ridiculous love for all people and never believed they could be bad. One day she would knock that realisation into him. But now was not the time. Danae knew who that was, and with the knowledge that that monk was armed with composite explosives, she knew there would be trouble. It had taken 2 days downslope to walk to the room. They would need to make haste to get back in time to warn anyone.

Reza was taking much of the day to just bask in the peoples joy. The declarations of the 4th of July celebrations for tomorrow had greatly picked up city morale. And the message from NEXT indicating that his pet project was completed was picking up his morale. And the silk teddie that Cassandra was wearing was picking up the Little Dictators morale. Life was good.

Life sucked. Standing there in that silk teddie, about to give herself over to Reza's Little Dictator (and yes she did mean little) was one of the degrading parts of her job that she had accepted for all these years. But her break started tomorrow, why couldn't she just go home? She closed her eyes as Reza approached and the lights went out.

The lights came on.
"Hey I found a lightswitch!" McDanish yelled.
"Thanks man, that helps a lot." Warlock had grown tired of scrounging for drones, only to find them by tripping over them. The light showed two more just a few steps to his right, so he walked over to them. Then he stooped to pick them up and stopped dead in his tracks. McDanish was called over.
"What's up?"
"Look." McDanish looked, and he saw. The drones had the scorch marks that only Copbot Rifles leave.
"What the hell happened down here."
"It might not be a good idea to report this." McDanish stated.
"For once, thats an obvious statement that I wanted to hear." Warlock grabbed the drones, and they got back to work on the repairs.

Sid was abruptly hauled from his cell and dragged onto a balcony overlooking the gate to the city. His eyes, while blurry, still widened at the sight. The sight of the military power before him was overwhelming.
"You know, Reza assumed that he had crushed the majority of our forces during the last campaign. And he'd be right," Garn Warner, Military Commander of Dome of York was speaking, "but the majority was not all. I still possess an army greater than any Neocron can put together. And come noon tomorrow, I shall unleash them." Sid could only look on stunned. Finally words formed.
"Why am I here?"
"You were requested." Sid looked at him strangely.
"Yes. You shall see. Take him to his new quarters." Sid was taken to an actual apartment. It was comfortable, though messy, and a fair improvement over his cell. He went back to sleep, to await the dawn.

Darkness fell on the wastelands.


Reza, under the escort of several STORM bots, exited his apartment and walked the streets. Runners were in such a buzz over the days festivities, they seemed to have forgiven him everything they'd normally have thrown boulders at him for. Food and drink was plentiful, and Pepper park had an abundance of sushi, special and otherwise.

MoonUnit, sensing sushi, decided now would be a good time to visit the lower plain. The other EGOS felt they might as well come along. But something was wrong. MoonUnit started to look concerned, as one after the other, they all tried to warp to the Lower Plain. And failed.

"It is done, my Master," Teh Bunneh spoke, "the Lower plain cannot be accessed by the EGOS or The DEVS. They are alone." and the grin began to grow.

Hurricane had allowed his impetuousness to get the better of him. He was now stuck on the roof of a wood hut, alongside the swamp road leading west from Regant's Fortress, surrounded by aggressors and Swamp Stranglers. He sent a call to his clanmates to come give him a hand, but they were still going to be a good 2 hours away. So he huddled down on the roof to wait, occasionally taking potshots at anything that got too close.

Centuri and NDA stood tense. Since an hour earlier, the forces of Dome had stopped moving. They just stood poised to move.
"Why are they here? Do they want us so bad?" Omega Res asked.
"No, last time they passed by Tech Haven because they had a secret plan to knock out their turrets. This time I'm guessing that won't work, so they're coming down this way, past us and then past Twilight Guardians." Centuri responded.
"And TG will just..."
"let them walk right past, yeah. Make sure everyone's got lots of ammo. They're gonna need it."

"I don't think I can fix these little guys by myself." McDanish stated.
"Yeah, I'm having no luck here either." They both dropped their tools and sat down in silence.
"Maybe we can sneak one or two out, and get the others to help. Then we can return here with them."
"Suppose thats an idea. Lets take a breather then head on out." Warlock replied. Again they sat in silence. Warlock suddenly thought he heard something new. A whining sound, like something powering up, and then a regular bleep.
"What's that?"
"Dunno." McDanish replied. They both got up to look. Suddenly, Warlock came upon the source.
"Oh.... hell. This is all starting to make the kind of sense that sucks."
"What?" McDanish ran over, only to wish he hadn't, "is that a bomb?" the bleeping device was connected to a very large container of composite explosives.
"Yep. Now we know why the drones were purposely shot down. This is a sabotage operation."
"But why? Why would Copbots be part of a mission to sabotage the reactors that power the city."
"If the city had been betrayed." Warlock grumbled.
"Well can we disarm it?"
"We got about 2 hours. Even if we went for help from people who knew how, and we're still not sure who's behind this, we can't make it back again in 2 hours."
"So fine, lets get outta here before we get fragged."
"Dude, this bomb is here for a reason. To put the whole city up Sh*t creek. If we can't find a way to at least limit its effects, then running outta here won't help. Besides, remember the walls surrounding the reactors?"
"Yeah, the deutrithium barriers."
"Well no explosion could get through those, so we only have to get outside the reactor containers. So we can save ourselves. But how do we save the reactors?"
"Well, look. There's only this one bomb right? So if we close the connector doors, the other 4 reactors won't get damaged. It'll be bad, but at least they'll be ok." McDanish suggested.
"True, but that doesn't completely save us. See the reactors are all connected, feeding power between the 5 of them in a sort of loop to generate more. So if one goes, the loop is broken."
"And the rest are useless. DAMNIT!!!"
"Well hang on McD, therein lies our hope." Warlock had that glimmer.
"Huh? What hope?"
"If we can reroute the connections from this reactor so that the other 4 are the loop and this one is excluded, then seal the doors, the reactors will continue to run."
"Ok, so lets get started then." And the two got to work.

Cassandra Edwards was sitting in her Reveler jeep, not far from Tech Haven, looking back on Neocron. She took a sip of Blue Poisongland Chardonay '42 and reached for her specialised hack tool. She entered a command and pushed execute.

Simon and Ulam were too close to the control centre. They were killed instantly in the blast. The entire control centre was annihilated in the blast. The survivors began digging through the rubble, while one contacted Reza.

Reza nearly crapped himself at the news. He returned to his apartment immediately and got on the city PA system. This was one message he had thought he'd never need to give.
"Citizens, may I have your attention please. It pains me to have to announce this on what was looking like being such a festive day, but announce it I must. This message also goes out to the wastelands and I hope all runners, enemies included, might hear it. A few minutes ago in a cowardly attack, the Tangent branch of Genetic Replicator Control was attacked and bombed. The control nexus inside was destroyed. As a consequence; the following will affect you all.
Firstly, it will be impossible to teleport anywhere using the generep system. All travel will need to be done on foot or by vehicle (groans went up from the world). Secondly, if you lose your backpack during this time, it will not be remotely tagged with a recaller. Thus you will not be able to gain your inventory back through the genereps (a few people stopped trying). Thirdly and most importantly... if you are killed during this down time, there will be no replicators to lock on and clone you back. As a result, anyone who dies during this time will experience perma-death (at this, the populace broke into a cold sweat. Centuri and NDA looked on the fields of Dome forces in renewed horror at the realisation that they were stuck, and that if they died today, it would be the end)." Reza deactivated the PA system, but suddenly a new voice broke through:
"Citizens," and Reza went pale, "I believe you have all heard of my little present for you all," Reza began to sweat hard, "I hope you all are enjoying it," and Reza realised he'd never loathed a voice as much as he was loathing Cassandra's voice right now.
"I have bombed the Generep control unit. You can all choose to risk your lives to come and get me, or you can choose to hide in the 'safe zones' till the crisis is over. Its your choice..."

Having heard the announcement in the Subway, Wannabe and LVirus were about to pull out, but the last of the new rubble fell away. They both looked on in horror. Several composite explosives were seeded behind it, and were ticking down to zero fast. The two fled the tunnels. Wannabe began broadcasing, but there was no one listening to him...

"... but it may be hard to stay where you are. For here comes my second present..."

The timers ran to zero and the charges blew. The ground in Pepper Park 2 heaved upwards in a groan and then exploded upwards. Windows shattered, strippers were killed and copbots buried in debris. The Black Dragons HQ entrance was caved in. And then they came.

NERD Editor
25-04-03, 10:45
It suddenly became clear what the noises were people had been reporting in Pepper Park. The bots that Wannabe had sealed off several months ago had remained in the tunnel. And now they had a way out. Swarms of Scythe bots and Ceres Veterans began pouring through the gash in Pepper Park and began to annihilate everything in sight. Runners fled for their apartments, only to have Scythe bots tear through the walls after them. In the initial assault, 43 runners were perma-killed.

"...have fun Reza." she smirked.
"You Bitch!!" he broadcast back, not caring who heard, "you dare turn on Neocron? You dare turn on me? And today of all days?"
"You're damn right. I have had it with this city. I run the whole city, me, by myself, yet all the credit goes to you and all the blame comes to me. And I will never miss having to go down under your desk you pig." (the citizens raised eyebrows, but few were suprised).
"You will die screaming Edwards. I shall see to that."
"Oh, I don't think so. You have Dome forces spreading out through Pepper Park, runners perma-dying, and close to a million Dome troops marching from the north as we speak. You think you have time to catch me?"
"Lets find out." He went to order the release of an X-borg unit to hunt her down.
"Yes, lets. Whats a good act of treason without trump cards eh? Time I played my big one." Reza paused, "you wanted to celebrate July 4th? Independence day? Well you got it wrong. Today is R day. Today is the day I see out the last wishes of the last true leader of Neocron. Today I unleash the contents of Regants Legacy upon thee!" In a convulsive frenzy she hammered the controls. And the wastelands shook.

"Thats the signal. Unleash the army!" Garn Warner yelled.

Centuri was the first to fire, and NDA followed suit as the forces of the Dome flooded towards them. There was no turning back.

The gates of Regants Legacy and all its restraints were blown to kingdom come. The Legacy was laid wide open, and its contents began to march.

Reza's command panel indicated the Legacy was open. Suddenly showing his age, he collapsed in his seat, old and weary. He knew what was in there, and the horror of it overwhelmed him.

NUTS could be seen on the horizon, and Hurricane breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly, the earth around him shook and quaked and he was thrown from the roof to the waters below. Spluttering and dirty, he dragged himself to the bank. Expecting to be attacked again, he pulled his rifle ready to fight, but the creatures had fled. He walked back to the path and looked towards the legacy. And it was fortunate he was already wet, so that no one would ever see the piss stain forming.

Marching towards him were hundreds upon hundreds of PowerArmour wearing GenTanks. Each one was armed with either a Cursed Soul or a MoonStriker. And they were annihilating everything in sight. Hurricane sensing the danger activated his scope on his Redeemer and opened fire at range. Shot after shot flew and struck the nearest unit in the head. Not only did it not take damage, it didn't even slow down. Hurricane looked on in fear. But he didn't look for long as he began running his ass off to get away from the incoming missiles. He linked up with NUTS and in an out-of-breath kind of style gave them the heads up. They fell back to the base camp and acquired all their firepower and the Mechs. As a clan, they engaged the oncoming forces. Shot after shot from Pain Easer, Cursed Soul, Holy Lightning, Gat cannon, Redeemer, First Love and the Mechs slammed into their foes. And not a scratch was made.
"What directly the (censored) are these (censored) things" Eva began spitting out.
"Ok, I know its powerarmour, but COME ON. They're not taking little damage, they're taking NO Damage."
"Fall back... Now." Ithaqua pulled everyone away. The units began to split into two groups. One followed after them, heading to Neocron, the other marched North and, passing by TH, turned towards the Dome.

Cassandra drove onwards towards the Dome, her hair blowing in the wind, and smiling more than she ever had in the last 4 years.

"Ok, I'm ready, lets thread the cables through now." McDanish yelled.
"Ok, we'll do it one set at a time, to limit the power outtages."
"Got it." And they disconnected the first set.

The city blacked out completely. Emergency generators kicked in for basic systems (the radiation shield and communication networks to name two) but ultimately the city was pitched into chaos. And then the Scythe-bots struck. Those that were able activated their LaserSwords and held the line. The light from over 130 laserswords was enough to illuminate the battle in an eerie orange and blue.

Reza was giving orders as best he could in the confusion. He had ordered Megaman and CDV to overtake and kill Cassandra Edwards, so they moved on at great haste. He ordered Tangent clans to repair the generep controller and to check the Mainsewer power conduits. They promptly reported that the Mainsewer conduits were fine. This left Reza to worry about why the power was failing. The only reason he could think of was a cut in the power supply. But when the power came on again for a short time, he feared that something had happened to the reactors. At that moment, a call came through from Ithaqua.
"Reza, we got trouble out here. There's these Gentank things heading our way..."
"Yes I know, the DeltaGens."
"The what?"
"Oh well, like it matters now. The Gentanks you see walking the streets these days are GammaGens, the 3rd generation of Gentank, designed for combat, but capable of acting within a society as a member, albeit a stupid member. The ones you see before you are DeltaGens, the 4th generation. They were designed during the Ceres war as the final weapon. Ammoral killing machines. Just point them at a target and they will annihilate it. They do not age, they do not need food. They just need air and ammo. Furthermore, at the time of their creation a freak accident created a special alloy for their powerarmour that has never been duplicated. That armour is indestructible."
"Oh gee, and someone saw fit to deploy such things?"
"Regant wanted to win. I think you're experiencing his desperation right now aren't you?"
"As you said, their armour is indestructible, but they are not. Our Aggressive Monk Diesel has found a way to destroy them."
"What? The entire army of York couldn't do that... how?"
"As you said, all they need is air and ammo. And to get air, that suit has airholes. So it is possible to get fire into their suits to kill the DeltaGen inside. He's using a Fire Apocalypse, but he's only one man. We could use some help to help kill off the rest."
"Fire you say? Good work NUTS, I have just the thing. We may survive this one yet. Get your people clear."
"This is Reza to NEXT special projects. I am authorising the use of the project now. Proceed to these co-ordinates and destroy the targets."

A gate in the city wall, half a mile above the ground opened up and from it spewed 12 NEXT FireWreathes. Each one was a long range combat aircraft, the first flying combat vehicle built in Neocron ever. Each fighter packed 4 Plasma Plasma Cannons and a full payload of Napalm Missiles. The fighters formed up and came down to 100 ft above the surface. They quickly located the targets and unloaded on the ravine they were in. Hundreds of DeltaGens were engulfed in fire and they fell. NUTS cheered on as the fighters flew overhead, then banked east and returned home. They then entered a holding pattern around the city.

"They're destroyed? Excellent, maintain patrol around the city until we can solve this power failure to the Wall shields." Reza had hope once again. He had already dispatched the rockets containing 3 squads of X-borgs at the gate to Dome of York. They would not last long, but they would cause chaos. CDV was hot on Cassandra's heels, and the brave souls in the city had already begun to look like they might conquer the bots belching forth from Pepper Park 2. But the last transmission from NDA said they weren't out of the woods yet.

"Ok, 4 more sets of cables and we're done!" McDanish yelled, "How much time?"
"47 minutes." Warlock called back. They carried forward.

"Will this tunnel never end?" Danae panted. She and SpikeZ had been running all night long and were still unable to reach anyone.
"Just keep running honey, we've got no other choice."

"The East walls collapsing! Take cover!" The wall of Soliko crumbled and the defenders fled back. NDA was still fighting and were still all accounted for, thanks to the fact that their attackers weren't all that interested in them. The Dome forces were flooding past them, heading for Neocron, and were only attacking in passing. NDA saw it their duty to kill as many as possible, but were not going to risk perma-death to do so. The wall collapsing seemed like a sign to retreat to the underground section. Only Centuri remained above as the scout, under cover.

Dome forces were flooding hard and fast towards the city walls. Only a few were prepared to defend from the outside of the wall, as the last time had been a slaughterhouse, saved only by the Genereps. Thus the FireWreathes were the first line of defense. They were ordered to assault the column on its way towards the city, and assault they did. With every pass, hundreds of Dome forces were lost. The fighters were exceeding expectation. Meanwhile, Reza was gathering all CityAdmin clans to him and selecting specific personel to go to a special room full of terminals beneath CityAdmin.

NUTS returned to the city, and joined the gate defense for a short time, but battered and weary, they feared they were not combat ready any longer, so re-entered the city.

Wannabe linked up with NUTS once they returned, and told them of all that had been going on.
"So Edwards has screwed us all?" Ithaqua asked.
"Damn straight. Nearly killed me and LVirus."
"Um, Wanna, wheres Warlock and McDanish?"

Despite the air barrage, the forces of the Dome drew closer. This was largely due to the emergence of what had been causing the dustclouds. Dome of York had unleashed Hovertanks. Shrouded in dust and much faster than everything else, the fighters were having a much harder time destroying them. As a result, York forces were able to bring their artillery to bear on the wall. The defenders fled and it looked like breaching time.

"That's it, last one! Connected!" McDanish slammed the cable together, and the 4 generators were connected. The city had guaranteed power again.
"We're out of time, lets go!" Warlock grabbed him and pulled him towards the door. The gates had been set to shut 5 seconds before the bomb was set to go. The two ran towards the gate, which had begun to close. Just at the very last, they both tripped on some of the broken drones. Warlock tucked his arm and rolled on, sliding through the gap. McDanish fell. He looked at the now closed door, and then at the timer.
"This can't be good. . . "

The bomb detonated and the city shook. Warlock was catapulted by the force into the wall behind him and lost consciousness. The 5th generator was destroyed, but power remained.

The artillery opened fire at the wall. The shield flickered and then powered up. The artillery fire bounced off harmlessly. In the next pass, the FireWreathes annihilated the artillery. Cheers from the citizens went up as the Dome forces, seeing that the shield was not down as promised, turned to flee. Hundreds of runners, now fueled by hope and adrenalin, ran out and grabbed their Mechs and began the pursuit, under the air cover of the city's saving graces.

Centuri saw an opening and climbed down from Soliko. The forces had left a gap, which he passed through unnoticed, and he set course for Dome of York.

Cassandra pulled up just in front of the Dome. Behind her marched the DeltaGens. Garn looked out perplexed.
"Well this is certainly unexpected. You bring me new troops as well?"
"Not quite, Garn. I bring these troops to kill you." and Cassandra began her second act of treachery. The DeltaGens poured towards the Dome, and the Dome forces, split between defending the Dome and retreating from Neocron, fought back as best they could.

"Alright, its time," Reza yelled to the terminal room, "HackNet is activated, BEGIN!!!" And the handpicked hackers of CityAdmin began to remote hack. The transmission was beamed through the Uplinks through to Dome of York. In an instant, they hacked the pop-up turrets of the Dome and took control of them. And then Reza's grin returned.

The turrets opened fire on everything. The Dome forces caught between, to their mind, invincible DeltaGens, and their own turrets were quickly obliterated. The DeltaGens then wrecked the turrets, and proceeded inside to annihilate the populace.

Sid, seeing his guards distracted, took this opportunity to kill them. He then fled into the corridor to be confronted by the DeltaGens. They looked at him, and stepped aside. Confused, he carried on. The DeltaGens then carried out their act of genocide.

Cassandra cackled away as her forces flooded into the Dome, spilling a river of blood. Her funtime was cut short, as Centuri appeared behind her and demanded she take her hands off the controls. She obeyed.
"Damn you. You would unleash Armageddon on us, just to kill them?"
"No you fool, I unleash Armaggedon to rule them. You're looking at the Queen of the Dome." and she grinned.
"Actually I'm looking at a corpse with nice make-up..." and he took aim.

"Finally I got a signal!" Danae exclaimed, she activated full broadcast, "attention all Neocron. I don't know how late we are reporting this but we discovered a plot to bomb the city (there were no suprises to this news). We found out that the bombers (Centuri paused to listen) were CDV. I repeat, Megaman's CDV planted the bombs. I heard Psycho Killa down in the place where they made the bombs (Reza broke into a cold sweat again)."

Centuri took aim, but it was for nothing. He was shot from behind by Megaman.
"Welcome to your new home, my General." Cassandra sneered. Megaman grinned, and killed Centuri.
"I think we're gonna like it here." and the new lords of the Dome entered their new home. Cassandra promptly found and confronted Sid, offering him the position to head up their Assassination Guild. He did not decline. And the grin of MJS grew.

NERD Editor
25-04-03, 10:46
Centuri respawned in Plaza 1.
"What the hell? I thought that was it?"
"We got the control unit working again, looks like just in time." One of the techs reported.
"Not quite in time." Warlock, injured and covered in dust, carrying a large burden over his shoulder emerged through the covered hole in the wall.

R plus 1 day...
Reza ordered another squadron of FireWreathes created, and a special team to begin repairs to the reactor and the pump stations, based on Warlock's report. Warlock himself was asked to head the team, but for the time being, he was otherwise engaged.

Danae and SpikeZ were asked to show the location of the bomb lab, but they demanded a rest and some form of transportation before braving that walk again.

The Powerarmour suits from the deceased DeltaGens was melted down and forged into the new casing for the GeneRep control unit, to ensure such an incident could not be easily replicated.

The burial took place just south of Tech Haven, McDanish's original home. A simple gravestone can be found there, simply enscribed
"McDanish. In Memorium. This is A Gravestone. It signifies that there is a grave here" His friends felt it needed to be obvious.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
26-04-03, 08:55
R.I.P. McD...

Well, heh, after Issue 20 some fortnight ago I asked which type of issue you preferred, the short comedy ones or the lengthy plot ones. Having noticed the post views shot up by about a thousand views in less than a day after Issue 30 went out, I think I have my answer.

Anywho, I'm glad you all enjoyed the Issue. I'm not sure when the next one will be as I think I broke 9 fingers writing that one. But in the meantime, if you're on Pluto and you got an anecdote to share, have a look around, and you might catch Ned walking around I've already had a few interesting people come over and share some stories with me, a few of which I might be using with a little reworking.

So, thanks for the kind comments, I'll get back to work and hopefully have some more NERD's ready in the near future.

NERD Editor
29-04-03, 01:34
Yes I will be talking with the site's manager in the very near future, not only to get the latest issues posted but also to give him the updated character bio's and the first parts of the Encyclopedia of NERD.

As far as new issues are concerned, you'll all have to forgive me, but a certain stress attack in real life kinda broke my funny bone for a time, causing not only the delay in NERD's but also by total absence from all things Neocron.

But not to fear, feeling better now and fingers have got that typing feeling again, so I should have some more stuff for you real soon.

NERD Editor
29-04-03, 08:50
.... you think that's something to be happy about?

*watches the Mods circling around with pointy daggers*

Ned: You guys don't look too happy.
Mods: We have to mod this damn thing.
Ned: Not my fault, the people want to speak.
Odin: This freakn post is killing the forums. Kill it
*Odin struck down by the divine hand of popularity*

Ned: *does the Dance of Departure*

NERD Editor
30-04-03, 12:09
Good Gravy on babequed Yak wings!!! What have I done?

I've created an entertainment medium without offering any form of... good stuff... to my readers. This must change. So must my underwear.

So, the staff of NERD are proud to bring you in the next exciting issue, a stunning look at where the creatures of Neocron came from. From sewer rats to the peculiar TerrorMauler, the nightmarish dragonflies all the way through to Betty...

I just have to finish this 2000 word Law report first...

NERD Editor
01-05-03, 03:11
I said I had to write a Law Report, the two are not the same.
It's for a business course on Contract Law where an understanding of the law of contracts is needed, not a degree in evil... i mean Law.

NERD Editor
01-05-03, 11:10
NERD Issue # 031

A Biology Lesson

Hello Boys and Girls, today we have a very special reporter. He got out of BED just to write this article. Professor Francis Markom of the Biotech Ecology Department has for a long time mentioned to the NERD staff that he wanted to educate the populace about the origins of the creatures we all see every day. So, to that end, we now begin our very informative look into the History of the Creatures of Neocron...

Sewer Rat:

Hello children. This is Professor Markom here, to give you all an itty bitty lesson about where Sewer Rats came from. (one of the NERD offices coffee runners reads over the Professors shoulder at this point and starts running to find NERD Editor) Long ago in the streets, sewers and subways, on the wharfs and in the coffee containers throughout the city of New York, there were rats. Not the naughty waughty wats...err... rats that we know today, but the much smaller and less dangerous versions. They were usually no bigger than two hands long and looked like a big turd with eyes and a tail. Now, after the cleansing light, these creatures were part of the surviving populace of the worlds ecology. However, their normal food supply of garbage and human wastes was rather limited.
(Note from Editor: I messaged Professor Markom around about now. The conversation went like this:
NERD Editor: Professor, I've had an employee inform me of your writing style.
Prof. Markom: Yes, the children should be able to relate to my hip yet easy to understand phrasings.
NERD Editor: Professor, no children read our articles. You're writing this report for war-hardened adults.
Prof. Markom: Oh... thats... bugger.
From this point on he will stop treating you like a 3 year old, or, you know... Ben.)
Most of it was irradiated and not fit even for rat consumption. Having no choice, the rats turned on themselves. In a sick canabalistic feeding frenzy, rat-kind munched down on rat-kind. This change to a purely carnivourous diet was not without problems. Though the rats ingestion system was able to digest meat, it was not meant to do without vegetation. Thus, years of poor eating caused the rats to form skin lesions, their teeth to deteriorate, and the pupils of their eyes to completely white out. The only advantages were that their remaining teeth were over time formed into the sharpened form of carnivours, and their added protein intake caused them to grow larger and larger.
In the course of time, the vegetation began to recover, and the rats were able to begin ingesting the necessary minerals and vitamins they needed for healthy living. They maintained their excessive size, and their taste for flesh, and their bodies are fairly weak, but they are growing healthier.

The Ceres Discs made mention that should a Nuclear War destroy the world, the only surviving things would be the Roaches and Michael Jackson. It seems they were right on both counts. Roaches have remained untouched for millions of years, and chances are when we have killed ourselves off, the city of Neocron will be populated by Roaches (probably under the control of a Dictator Roach... somethings will never change.)(NERD Apologises to CityAdmin, we don't wanna get shot. Shoot the Professor, its his fault)(Hey...)(Write your damn article Markom).

Many have speculated that the dragonflies of today are the offspring of the dragonflies of old, just made bigger by years of radiation. The truth is that no amount of radiation makes a creature bigger. It makes their cancerous tumors bigger, and makes them dead, but not bigger. In fact, the truth about the dragonflies is far more horrifying. The original creatures we knew as Dragonflies actually died off during the Cleansing Light and became an extinct species. Their story ended there, but anothers story began.
For while radiation does nothing for creatures, it does wonders for virus'. Yes, there was a virus back in those days called 'Influenza' or the Flu for short. Seeing that the human race was by far and large wiped out, and that to strike down the survivors would probably not get it very far, Influenza, empowered by radiation splicing its Ribonucleac acids (RNA) it began to mutate into a different strain, the Flidenza virus. This virus did not need to enter a host to cause damage, it just latched onto the skin of any living creature and ciphoned materials to duplicate itself. Then, instead of multiplying the virus and spreading, it stuck together and formed bonds between the individual virus, forming a larger cluster of virus cells. Eventually the virus became large enough to be seen by the naked eye and was named Drifensia, the drifting pain. Acting much like a mosquito, it would continue to latch onto anything that lived and grab what it needed to continue its growth.
After a time, time, and an ad break, the Drifensia became the size of what the common housefly used to be before the Cleansing Light. At this time, it developed a digestive system and began to feed. The people of that time lived in terror of this new horror. Fast, small and ravenous, the 'Dragons Spawn' began biting at human flesh, leaving burning contusions on their victims. With the taste of flesh, blood, and most importantly a source of Deoxyribonucleac Acids (DNA) the Dragons Spawn began to fully develop as a living organism, including sexual reproductive organs. Once the Dragons Spawn figured out that you had to find a Dragons Spawn of the opposite sex (a few too many incidents took place trying to figure that one out) they began to breed and grow. And so it was that the Dragons Spawn, fully grown to the size of a small bird, able to reproduce at will and bloodthirsty, were loosed upon the world. Their shape and form were highly similar to the images of Dragonflies on the Ceres Discs, so when the discs were discovered, the great minds of the time automatically assumed they were the same things. And thus the name DragonFlies came to be. But you know the truth; the only way to beat Dragonflies is with bedrest and a nice hot drink (cause you all know you can't shoot the tiny little bastids).

Mutants & Aggressors:
It seems I do not need to detail where these beings are coming from. Apparently NERD Editor in a previous Issue explained the 'foul' origins of this poor toilet race.

(At this point the Professor decided to take a leak on the office potplant. He unfortunately left his keyboard unattended, and one of the janitors decided to add his two cents)

I don't know whats up with these things man. I hear dogs used to be mans best friend right, but... like in the times of BETA 2 (If I have to explain what that stands for again, someones gonna die. Ned) those dogs were like huge man, teeth as big as swords, crap as big as me and a johnson that... well, its not likes I was staring or nothin...

(the Janitor was subdued by security at this point and forced to clean up the good Professors tinkle spills)

Now the origin of... oh, I already did this, must be getting forgetful... oh well, time to move on then.

Launcher Cyclops:
Perhaps one of the strangest creatures in terms of origins. Believe it or not, Launcher Cyclops are actually quite a new breed. What happened was: once upon a time there was a clan of runners known as Phlebs. Now one day these runners were given possession of some early model hoverbikes, and they decided to go cruising at 300 mph. Unfortunately, during a synching incident, they were propelled across 2 sectors and into a rocket testing dump in the Wastelands. The resulting mess of hover technology, rocket packs and flesh could not be returned to normal, so good ol' Professor X was called in. After repeatedly yelling "I'm a Constructor, not a Plastic Surgeon", he was talked into attempting to set things right. He failed (yes, it was at that time that The DEVS introduced Construction Fails) and as a result the misshappen Launcher Cyclops were born. Their first action was to annihilate the good Professor, but thats another story. Now they live and breed by assimilating flesh and busted hoverbikes. Its a sad truth: When cruising the Wastelands, don't zone, or you may endure a fate worse than death.

When I thought I was writing this article for kiddies, I deleted this section due to its disturbing nature, but now I need to add it back. Readers of NERD will be familiar with the antics of Vain. What you may not know is that Vain's Grandfather, Pompous, once tried to screw a small spider. Unfortunately he succeeded in propogating it and after 17 weeks (small spiders incubation period) it gave birth to Vain's Uncle, a hideous half breed. Spider from the waist up, man from the waste down, it was a true freak of nature. Unfortunately for it, Pompous was clumsy and stepped on it immediately after birth, thus ending its life. However, 20 years later, Vain's father, Arrogance, repeated his fathers mistake and found a Spider Queen. After boinking it repeatedly, he got it knocked up and it gave birth to the very first Arachnid. That's right folks, the first Arachnid is Vain's brother, and the one's we fight are his neices and nephews. Its a twisted family. We're petitioning to have Vain castrated as we speak.

Now here's an interesting creature. There are many false theories about them. Some believe that they are pure machines, this is wrong. Some believe that Dome of York scientists made them along with the Warbots, this is false. Others believe that Fallen Angel Scientists screwed up and made them, this too is false. The truth is this. During the Cleansing Light, a group of car fanatics hid a large number of Chevrolet's in a cave. However, during the war, the cave was partially affected, and many of the fanatics became fused to the chassis of the cars. Over time, they came to overcome this little problem and were able to move around the cave. After 300 years of breeding, the children of these fanatics were born part car, with an oil intake system in their backs and an exhaust pipe up there... never mind.
Now, as technology improved, so to did the fanatics offspring. They found that they were able to upgrade themselves to have 'more power'. They enhanced their epidermal layers to form a nice chrome finish. They did away with the use of their legs in favour of a hover system. And again, over time and a donut, they encased their entire organic being in an outer hull of steel. Then they altered their breeding pattern to self clone part of their genetic makeup inside a loading bay hanger where once their asses had been, enfuse it with technological parts, and fart out another child. And through this process of technological crappage, there came into being bigger and better turds... err children that could fly higher, move further, crap bigger and live longer. But as veterans of BETA will remember, the original Hoverbots were incredibly weak, being ranked only 1 bar, and could be killed with one bullet, and they were killed a lot. The survivors banded together and began eating Tech Haven Turrets for resources and then Warbots for firepower and evolved into the monsters we know today.

This is the most frightening creature of all. Have you ever watched a TerrorMauler when it fights, how on top of the fire and the pain, they keep lunging forward? Ever wondered why? Well tracing their descendancy was tricky but it has been done. It seems in the year 2005 an annoying little man in the old USA entered the first ever form of cryo-stasis. He endured this process for many a year until just before the Cleansing Light came. He exited the tube, but the doctors realised that, being such an energetic and annoying man, he had far too much pent up energy, and he began to start belching fire to vent this energy. In the course of the doctors investigation of this phenomenon, the Cleansing Light came, and the little man was thrown by an explosion into a laboratory filled with DNA samples which he became infected by. Strains of Labrador, Rhinoscerous and Giraffe became one with him and his shape mutated into the first form of the TerrorMauler, much smaller, but in all respects the same creature. Still venting fire out of every orifice, this creature stalked the radiated lands till it came upon a field of surviving vegetation. The creature ate the entire field in two mouthfuls. Then it realised that the field was that of halapenio peppers and the fire belching got worse. It also caused the creature to bend over and unleash a giant fireball that actually contained its first child. For the doctors had known even before the mutation that the annoying personwas neither man nor women, but a gender completely of its own (though it insisted on being called a man) and that the only way it would ever have a child was if it learned to make one by itself. And so it was that the race of TerrorMaulers learned to produce asexually and took over the deserts. Who would have thought one annoying little person who didn't want to die and had too much energy from all that aerobics would create such a species. Damn you Richard Simmons, you've doomed us all.

(The Professor started doing Richard Simmons impersonations around about now, so we threw him out of the building).

Until next time...

NERD Editor
02-05-03, 04:29
Heh, I think I'll let Betty live a while longer. I've already perma-deathed 3 guys in the story so far, time for some life!

Anywho, my weekend should hopefully be nice and free, so I can get some NERDage done.

Musical clams huh.... hmn....

NERD Editor
02-05-03, 23:29
Ben, what faction are you?
I'm just curious
*starts sharpening the NERD bat*

NERD Editor
03-05-03, 06:24
Request from Ned:
Leave the bravado at the door, this post is for fun guys. Skip the trash talking and prove who's right with your guns ingame.

Thx in advance.

NERD Editor
03-05-03, 13:33
For any of you who've done comedy writing or serialised writing, I think you'll get what I'm about to say:

Some 8 years ago I started writing a story, not unlike NERD. It was written for my friends in High School, featuring embelished versions of themselves with stupid names and in even more ridiculous situations. The story had no real purpose or plot, I just wrote it day by day, with whatever I could come up with. And like NERD, they received it pretty well, lol'ing a lot. And because they were enjoying it so much, I kept pushing myself to put out a new chapter every day. Well this went ok for about 3 weeks, but after that I started putting out chapters that, essentially weren't that good. They'd have maybe one or two chuckles but otherwise they were just me grinding out more words for the sake of writing.

So I've learnt from that lesson, which is why when writing NERD's, I will not put out an issue until I've come up with adequate ideas for it and until I'm happy with it, no matter how much you guys beg. I really wanna give you your NERD doses as often as possible, but more than that I want to give you GOOD NERD doses.

So, as I carry on with this... rather weird issue, please take the time to find someone with an LE in and make them feel welcome, hand em a beer, a milky ren, and direct them to the NERD post :)

Oh, and for the Blue Tech members I was talking to earlier, yes, I wasn't kidding, the Pants Virus will be hitting soon...

NERD Editor
03-05-03, 13:45
How bad will your day be? Let me paint a picture....

Ben gets hit in the head by a flying APC. His head remains attached but its not working too well. The signals to the rest of his body fail and he falls to the ground in a state of paralysis, eyes wide open staring up. Along walks Roseanne who seeing this paralysed man face up decides to sit on his head. Ben tastes brocolli...

Antics ensue.

Would that be a bad day for ya? Now shhh before I make you MJS's personal asswiper for all eternity.

NERD Editor
13-05-03, 08:01
NERD Issue # 032

Robert & Pie

Recently, the offices of NERD Inc. were beseiged for several weeks, causing a delay in service. This beseigement was in the form of petitioning and protesting by the Culture Revitilisation Association of Neocron's Knowledgeable Yuppies or CRANKY for short. As a result, after fighting a losing battle all this time, NERD is proud to bring you (under duress) a tale we had not intended to tell, of love and hate, of bitter rivalries and star-crossed runners...

[Curtain rises]

[Scene: Zone 28, Null Sector of the Universe]

[Enter NERD Editor (hereby known as Narrator)]

Narrator: Two clanholds, both alike in dignity
In Fair Neocron, where we lay our scene
From pointless grudge to new anarchy,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes (no kinky thoughts here people),
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whose misadventur'd piteous overthrows (what did I just say?)
Doth (doth?) with their death bury their parents' strife (and themselves),
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage, (parents with issues)
Which, but their children's end, naught could remove (obviously no family therapy around...)
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient eyes read,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

[Narrator departs and takes a Panadol]

[Scene: Nowhere in particular in the Wastelands]

[Enter Maegis Taran, philosopher and Monk]
Maegis: Ahh, be it a good day for walking, for talking, for talking to thine self.
[Enter Dajuda, who beareth a headache]
Dajuda: What doth thou havest against I? Whyest musteth thou torture mine mind?
Maegis: Foul fiend, I hurt thee not, now begone like the blackard that thou is!
(Dajuda pulls out the script with Cliff notes and finds out what a 'blackard' is)
Dajuda: You insult me sir! I demand satisfaction *pulls of Psi Gauntlet and slaps Maegis across the face with it*
Maegis: Hate at thee scoundrel *the two fight*
[Enter Ithaqua, Leader of NUTS]
[Enter Evil-Eye, Leader of GEF]
Ithaqua: What sorcery possesses thee? Leave my man be!
Evil-Eye: Nay! You and yours hath started this!
Ithaqua: Do you bite your thumb at me sir?
(Everyone stops and pulls out the script and cliff notes. After determining that biting one's thumb is an insult, they carry on)
Evil-Eye: Aye, I bite my thumb at you sir! *bites thumb, fingernail flies off and strikes Ithaqua in the eye*
Ithaqua: NUTS!!! To me!
Evil-Eye: Flood! Fire! Fiends!!
Narrator: Nice alliteration!
Everyone: SHUT UP!!
Narrator: Sorry. *everyone fights for a time till the curtain falls and hits a lot of them*

[Scene: Robert Bliss' Plaza 3 Apartment. Robert sits by the window, sighing to himself]
[Enter Maegis, far less philosophical and far more bruised than a scene ago]
Maegis: A triple-damned curse on those GEF, for they striketh like wenches, softly, but beloweth the belt. What troubles thee, my young Robert?
Robert: I fear my heart is broken, dear Maegis.
Maegis: Well we can just repair it and reimplant it... and don't call me dear.
Robert: No, this loneliness I feel within me, makes my chest ache and my knees weak. If only I could pluck it from my chest!
Maegis: Again I sayeth, get the implant tool.
Robert: Here me Maegis. I long for the love of a true woman, but none can be found.
Maegis: Ohhhhh, now I see *Maegis finishes implanting his eye* Now, what were thou saying?
Robert: If only one could live without woman! Would not life be so much simpler?
Maegis: Not really, then you'd spend the rest of your life with your hands in your pants.
(Big Red Subtitles Slam Down "VULGAR TRUTH!!!!")
Robert: I shall never leaveth this room again, I cannot beareth the pain.
Maegis: There be a party, hosted by GEF this eve.
Robert: GEF, pah.
Maegis: Pah, yes, but should it not be fun to crasheth their festivities? Come, let us plague ourselves upon their merriment.
Robert: Very well, but only because you wish it.

[Scene: Plaza 3 Shops. Pie roams the shops looking for a bargain with her attendant DIO]
Pie: The party's tonight. I need to roxxor somebody's ballzor fast or my horny ass won't be able to take it.... sex....sex....sex.
DIO: M'Lady, thou shouldest followeth the script and behave proper.
Pie: ...Sex...Sex... what? What script? Oh.... sorry, fed it to my pet MechTurtle. Now where's the bitch that runs this shop? Ah here he is. How much for the push up bra battlevest?
Shopkeeper: That exquisite garment, that would wrappest itself around thine glorious figure as if it were....
Pie: Yeah yeah, quit tryin ta kiss my ass dude, whats the price?
Shopkeeper: ... 14, 978cr m'lady.
Pie: Aww come on, you can do me a better deal than that.
Shopkeeper: My apologies m'lady, but your humble servant couldn't possibly *Pie whips up her top and flashes the shopkeeper*
Shopkeeper: 5k m'lady. *they make the purchase, and Pie struts off to see if she can purchase a Dildo of Maven before lunch*

[Scene: GEF Party. Guards protect the entrance, but it be a Mask Party. All attendees come wearing special Helmet]
Maegis: See here! Now we shall play upon our unsuspecting hosts, ey Robert? Ro...Robert??? *looks around but cannot find Robert*
[Enter Maximillian Twilight]
Max: You there!! You don't belong here!
Maegis: Now would be an appropriate time to make a dramatic, yet subtle exit through arched doors yonder... *while talking to himself again, Maegis is captured and hauled out the back where he receives the beating of a lifetime*

[Scene: Top of stairwell. Robert is looking antsy]
Robert: All these fair maidens, and not a drop of love for I. The world is too cruel
[Enter Pie, wearing Megaman helmet, saying Eyyy to everyone she sees. She stops just next to Robert, but does not look at him]
Pie: Sex....
Robert: Yes, the fine art of sex... where might I find a woman loving enough to impart sex upon me?
Pie: Sex... sex...
Robert: Where would I find a woman with enough love to repeatedly giveth me sex.
Pie: Sex ur ballz off luver-boy!!!
(the two turn to each other, and lift their masks. Perverse tongue sucking action ensues. Evil-Eye, Pie's father, begins to head their way)
Pie: Find me, and I'll roxxor ur world babey!!
Robert: Where goeth my Megaman shaped Angel??
Pie: I must flee, for my father be here!
Robert: Your father? *sees irate Evil-eye* Nooo, my sex-starved Angel is my mortal enemy!
Pie: (yells back) I'm open-minded to ALL forms of sex!
Robert: ... but I won't hold it against her.

[Scene: Alley behind GEF party]
Robert: Ahh, my sweet angel, I must see her again... eh.... Maegis? What r u doing in the trash?
Maegis: I have become one with my inner self!
Robert: Thine inner self is garbage?
Maegis: Never mind, who be this angel you uttereth about?
Robert: I hath seen her Maegis, she lighteth my life. But alas, she be GEF!!
Maegis: Woe to thee, how can she be your light of life?
Robert: *whispers her measurements to Maegis*
Maegis: You Must Pursue her!!!
Robert: Wish me well, my friend!
Maegis: Go forth and get booteh!! *members of CRANKY show up from the shadows to beat Maegis up for not following the script* NOOOOO.

[Scene: The Balcony Scene. Pie's doing her nails on the balcony. Robert is enjoying the view from below. Maegis is dying under a bush nearby]
Pie: Robert, oh, Robert, oh? Where's your monkey ass to give me sweaty pleasure?
*Robert stands at attention, in more ways than one*
Robert: Pie!
Pie: Robert? Get yo ass up here and do it to me.... sex... sex
(At this point Evil-Eye enters Pie's room)
Pie: Crap, the olds is here! Meet me in secret tomorrow, and bring lubricant!
(Robert continues to stand at attention. Maegis, despite having 12 broken ribs, is silently cheering him on.

[Scene: Gratuitous Sex Scene in secret]
Narrator: Ohhhhh... yeah.... (the rest was edited out by CRANKY before publishing. Needless to say Pie and Robert got it on).

[Scene: Abbey of Crahn]
Some Monk dude: I hereby pronounce you husband and wife!
Pie: What? What happened? How'd I get here?
Robert: *points behind them at the Morality Police of CRANKY*
Pie: Oh...
Robert: Well, I suppose being married won't be so bad, just another excuse to do more of what we were doing all night long *Robert starts gyrating*
Pie: *slaps hand to head* You mean for the 5 minutes before you fell asleep?
Robert: Say something hun?
Pie: I Don't wanna be married!! Forget it! I want a divorce!
CRANKY: Divorce is forbidden!
Pie: *hauls out spitfire and annihilates them, then pulls out stilleto and stabs Robert right where it hurts the most*
Robert: *Pulls knife out of wallet* Arghhh... Why? *dies*
Pie: No Divorce? Fine, I'll be a widow
Robert: *pulls his own stilleto and stabs Pie where it will hurt HER the most*
Pie: My breast implant!!! Noooo! *dies*
[Enter Ithaqua, Evil-Eye and Maegis]
Ithaqua: Nooo! Robert, my secret, illegitimate child!
Evil-Eye: Nooo! Pie, my well endowed daughter!!
Maegis: Nooo! My chance to make secret webcam home porno's!!
Everyone (including the corpses): WHat???
Maegis: Um...
[Enter CheapLoveMotel]
CLM: Talking while dead, TEMP KICKS!!! *boots all the dead folk into orbit*
Evil-Eye & Ithaqua: Maegis!! Why you little!! *both pull stiletto's and stab him in the only uninjured parts of his body*
Maegis: *dies* Argghh, my ballz!!
Maegis: Noooo.
Ithaqua: Our children hath loved and died, perhaps we should follow in their footsteps?
Evil-Eye: Ok. *they embrace, then stab each other in the back*
Both: ARGGGH!!

Until next time...

NERD Editor
20-05-03, 09:41
Ladies and Gentlemen, NERD Inc. has decided to bring to you today the inaugural issue of a new segment of our publication.

Up till now, the overworked, underpayed and undersexed NERD Editor has tirelessly written (except for when he's not) all NERD's. Today, we bring to you the first issue of Neocron's Editon of Readers Digest: Freelance Xpo or NERD: FX.

This segment will contain works from other writers that have submitted stories that NERD Editor has approved and adjusted. Our first issue comes to us from a well known member of the Neocron community. A man who has been outspoken; with his zeal for NERD and his spammage of the NERD offices mailbox.

So without further delay, we bring you Betty's first ever NERD...

NERD Freelance Xpo # 001

Another Newbies Tale

Written By: Bibliotequa
Editing and additional story: NERD Editor

Coffee by: SleepNoMore Inc.

All Rights Reserved.

Today's story is about a poor newbeh's quest to get from neocron to the military base, its not a trip many survive, at least in one piece. Todays tale takes place in no particular time, with no particular point, featuring no particular people. This story in no way has any bearing on the tale of Neocron, cause lets face it... this is a tale of a newbie, and since when has a newbie ever done important? (Big Red Subtitles slam down "BIAS OPINION!!!"). This tale is about a poor newbie. His name: Poor Newbie. His Place: Neocron. His measurements... well...

Poor Newbie started his day in the agressor cellars, duking it out with 5 agressors, he thought he was almost done for when all of a sudden, he gripped his Tangent Assault Rifle, jumped over the box, and hit the agressors with one beautiful headshot each, something no newbeh had ever accomplished. He looted their bodies, and dragged himself out of the cellar, heavily encumbered with his precious load of choco candy's, synthetic milks and insect eyes, and into the medicare to get some desperate medical attention (he'd been shot in the left nut). He knew he was ready, today was the day when he would use the Liquid Fire Rifle, a true sign of maturity. The sign that your status had lifted, ego swelled, balls dropped and you became a man. The sign he had become a Novice!!


He decided he could no longer make any experience in the newbeh cellar, so he decided to ask a friend to take him to the Military base (because you never go into the wastelands for the first time by yourself, why... that would require... gonads. And as the last paragraph showed, Poor Newbie had already lost one of those). His friend told him to wait for him at the North gate of neocron at 1:30, and at exactly 1:30 the eager newb was there waiting with a backpack full of candies, soda, plasma rifle ammo, and fresh underwear (incase he got a bit scared on the way, and... you know). (NERD Editor: No, I don't...)

Trip 1: On the first trip everything was going fine, they had evaded hoverbots, wolves, Y replicants and Megaman, but midway into the trip, somewhere around the H latteral, and 6 vertical (for those of you that don't speak Betty, he means H 06), they hit a jump, and Poor Newbie was knocked unconscious by a tree branch, fell out of the car, and rolled down the mountains to a grassy field. His friend hadnt noticed, totally engrossed by the classic N'Sync CD he'd found a month back during an escavation. When Poor Newbie awoke, he was surrounded by 5 dragonflies, which obviously gave him a free teleport back home.

Trip 2: After plucking Dragonfly crap out of his back, Poor Newbie reported the horrible news to his friend, and his friend told him to put everything in a gogo, and try to venturewarp. The newb did so, and clicked the venturewarp, payed a full 2k, and.... SPAWNED IN THE MIDDLE OF!!!!!!!!!!..... the west entrance to neocron... After complaining to a venture warp employee about being ripped off, paying 2k for a distance he could of WALKED in under 30 seconds, the venture warp employee told him that technically, the front gate to neocron, WAS the wastelands, and Poor Newbie had signed a contract where he agreed to pay to be put in a random location in the wastes.... Consequently Poor Newbie became the second member of Lisa Davitt's "Death to Lawyers" club, a liftetime club where you get free cake and a blood vendetta to end all contracts for all time.

Trip 3: Poor Newbie decided to warp again, anything was closer to his friend than plaza 1. He magically appeared in Soliko, just about as far from military base as neocron... ... Poor Newbie decided to tag this usefull gr, then gr back to plaza 1, when he was fried by plasma, kebabed on a Blade of Ceres and reduced to Roast Lamb Cutlets by an NCPD Flamer. Yes, he had just become part of yet another battle between NUTS and JERK's. Yet another innocent life is claimed in their senseless war. Help stop the fighting, donate 10k to a very special charity: the "JERK's in touch with their NUTS" Foundation.

Trip 4: Now as he descibed his horrible experiences to his friend, his friend told him he was lucky, for venture warp should be renamed "I will place you somewhere where your armor is useless". There was a 1/12 chance that he would land next to a warbot for example, a 1/18 chance that he would land under a hoverbot, a 1/10 chance that he would be greeted by Y replicants, and about a 1/14 that he would land infront of a group of Johnny 5's (DoY Security Bots). Poor Newbie thought his friend was exagerating, and promptly warped again. He landed in the scorching sand, in between about 12 hackbelts, he told his friend his predicament, and his friend, an experienced runner, told him he was near a Johnny 5. The newb didnt get much of a chance to respond, for he turned to look left, and he saw 4 laser missles, fired straight from a johnny, fired right at him, he ran over a sanddune, but the explosion caught him, and bashed up his legs. For the next 3 hours, he was crawling in the desert, while telling his friend his location, and trying to get out of the Johnny's range.
He finally arrived at el Farid Village where he waited for his friend for about 10 minutes. During that time, Vain passed by and had a casual hump. Poor Newbie chose not to disclose any more details of this incident and when his friend arrived, got in the car and they were off.

Trip4 - Part 2: They were off, storming in the wastelands at about 110 kilometers per hour, avoiding trees and wolves, tagging all the grs, just to be safe, when they decided to get the Newb's belt which was in H_06. They arrive, and quickly spot the dragonflies, the friend take out his Tangent Plasma Cannon, and has a fierce battle with the bugs, holding to his life by a mere 10 health (down from 490). He gets in the car, and Poor Newbie gets his belt, thats when a dragonfly swoops from his nest in the trees, and killed the newb in one shot. The newb added the friend to the team, and his friend got the belt, thats when the newb hears "WE WENT ALL THE WAY BACK HERE FOR SOME DRUGS!!!" and the newb responds "Gotta have my pills ", which got a sharp respond "That is the sickest thing ive ever heard...", thats when the newb retalliated saying "Hey, easy i dont take them for those purposes, i use them to activate my biotech implants" his friend forgave him, and went back to pick him up.

Trip 4; Part 3: Finally avoiding all warbots, dragonflies, crabs, and pkers, they arrived at the military base (parking on the invisible EGOS Laemin's foot - the APC will need several months of bodyshop work), Poor Newbie felt a certain fullness once again, he had finally finished a quest many live to tell about, after 4 tries, he made it, he was finally matured. After having to pay a guard 5k to enter, he tagged the gr, checked out the cleverly placed strippers, went home, and went to bed.

NERD Editor
20-05-03, 11:28
NERD Issue # 033

The Pants Virus

R Day plus 14 days...

In the two weeks following Cassandra Edwards betrayal and attack on the city, things had been on a wires edge. There was great distrust amongst the people, accusations, cursing, spitting and generally carrying on cranky. Lioon Reza had not left his office since that day, largely out of concern for what the people might do to him. The Black Dragons were being victimised since it was one of their clans that had gone over to work for Cassandra. Wannabe and LVirus had not been heralded as heroes for their actions by many, but NEXT command had seen fit to promote the two. Finally, Wannabe was going to get out of the subway.

The DEVS had continued to seal the Lower Realm, so the EGOS could do little but watch even now.

The wheels of war were spinning ever faster by the Dome. More weapons and new weapons were being created. Generals Megaman and Sid spent much of their days standing on the balcony overlooking their front yard, having maniacal laughter contests (you know the ones where one laughs with evil intent, then the next guy tries to do better and they keep doing this till they either start coughing or their heads turn a bright red and they collapse).

With McDanish gone, things were not as obvious as they once had been. Many now were unsure about what to think or who to trust. Worse still was the damage to the city from yet another war was causing glitches in even the most basic of systems. At times it seemed all of Neocron was bugged up the waazoo (Big Red Subtitles slam down "SAY IT AINT SO!!"). And with these 'bugs' came anger, with anger, came hostility, and with hostility came destruction.

Civil unrest exploded throughout the city. It was faction against faction, clan against clan, runner against runner against that nasty rat that was humping Vain's leg... yes, things were very funked up.

Sitting on a rickety shanty house in the Outzone, listening to the den of hate and misery, a sole peaceful soul felt unhappy. SpikeZ, who had tried so hard to help his fellow Neocronians by warning them of the attack, had been unable to turn back the rage that had followed. Being a lover of peace, truth, justice, candy apples and Danae, it broke his Experimental heart to see the city that had just survived another war, at war with itself. And so it was that with Danae trying to contact The DEVS to bring order to the world, SpikeZ was left alone with his thoughts:
"99 datacubes on the wall, 99 empty datacubes. If one of those cubes should happen to blow, a bug will just dupe it and hey, there you go. 99 datacubes on the ... *sigh* oh I wish there was something I could do, something that could stop the hate. I don't understand hate. I've never experienced hate. I love." And SpikeZ paced around on the rickety roof wondering what he could do. Suddenly it occured to him. Ever since he had sniffed the 'Gas of Pacifism', an ancient relic of the past, he had never felt bad feelings towards anyone. And so he figured if he released the cannister into the worlds atmosphere, it would surely have a calming effect on the world. He grabbed the cannister, the only memento of his childhood, from when he was found, an abandoned orphan, wrapped in a blanked and inserted like a suppository in a dead Marsh Hippo's anus, and cracked the seal, releasing the vapour into the air.
"Sweet, now everybody can live in pants..." and the smile fell away. In horror, he looked at the cannister and sure enough, it was not the Gas of Pacifism. It was actually the dreaded Pants Virus, that SpikeZ and Danae had been charged to protect with their lives. And all SpikeZ could do was look on in horror and know that Danae was gonna kill him for this...

Psycho Killa was running through Pepper Park, stunning unsuspecting runners in preparation for their imminent deaths. Psycho was standing around laughing when a Copbot snuck up from behind. Psycho spun around, worried, for she had not buffed up yet. The Copbot raised its rifle and in its mechanical voice yelled:
"Drop your Pants!"
"Uhhh... ooh k...." And Psycho, not wanting to be plastered across Pepper, dropped her pants. It would have perhaps been better if she had chosen death, for I'm not sure the "Megaman is My TeddyBear" panties have done her reputation any favours...

Throughout Plaza, runners who had come to shop were stopping in their tracks as the overhead PA system in the city went bezerk.

"Wherever you want to go, go in Pants..."
"PANTS, its where you live..."
"City Administration, for Neocron, for Reza, for your PANTS!"
"City Administration, Just Live, we take care of your pants."
"Archer & Wesson. Pants and more since 2618"
"Proto Pharma, Your Strength, Your Hope, Your Pants."

Runners who had been enjoying classic movies recovered from the Ceres Discs were horrified to find them affected as well.
"Luke, I'm wearing your Pants!"

"Don't try to wear the pants, that's impossible. Instead, try to realise the truth".
"What truth?"
"There are no pants."

"Frankly My Dear, I'm not Wearing pants."

"These are the pants of Sauron. He must never find them Frodo. He is seeking them, seeking them with all his strength, his mind is bent on them. They are one, the pants, and the Dark Lord."

"Lost his Pants Master Obi Wan has. How embarrasing, how embarrasing... Gather round the viewer younglings, and find Obi Wans wayward Pants we will...."

Now at this point, you might be wondering whats going on (amidst the screams). You see, the Pants Virus is a horrifying invention invented by a bunch of movie watching geeks in 2008. They lost a movie quote contest when one of them accidentally said 'pants' and got the quote wrong. So they invented this virus to cause people to say pants instead of what they were going to say. Its horrifying effects bring standard conversations to a halt and make the victim look like a moron. And now it was loose in Neocron.

The Court of Neocron was being held in Via Rosso 2. The magistrates were passing judgement on Artricia and had declared she must be permanently exiled for crimes against dildo's. Ben, her lover threw herself on the mercy of the court. Unfortunately she couldn't find the mercy so she threw herself on the floor instead.
"Miss Ben, if you say another word I will hold you in contempt of Court!"
"You can't do this to me ... I ... I... I love ... I love PANTS!!" Artricia felt truly dissed and stormed off.
"No, wait, thats not what I meant."
"Miss Ben, you are in contempt! I hereby sentence you to 60 days without Pants...erm... yeah."
"Huh????" Ben looked on shocked when all of a sudden the bailiff came over and whipped her pants off. Those present gasped in shock as they realised Ben was going commando. Now totally naked from the waist down, Ben ran off screaming to her Pepper Park 3 apartment. As she ran she heard the clicks as hundreds of 'screenies' were taken of this once in a lifetime spectacle.

In the Higher Plain....

MoonUnit was beating his skull in trying to get past the block

To date no cure has been found for the Pants Virus, although there are antidotes to limit the effects to only minor outbursts. We all can only hope that in time we may be cured of the Pants Virus and once again feel a sense of normaility in our pants.... OH Sh....

Until next pants...

NERD Editor
27-05-03, 10:18
NERD Issue # 034

A World Without EGOS

"Let me in... For the love of sushi let me in..." MoonUnit was but a shadow of his former self. It had been yet another 12 days since Ben had lost her pants and still the EGOS were locked out of the lower plain. CheapLoveMotel had oiled his gun collection so many times they were now perfectly frictionless. Critter had found 11,298 things to complain about in the so-called perfect Higher Plain. MoonUnit had broken 8 of his fingers trying to claw his way back to the Lower Plain. The most recent Initiate into the First Circle of EGOS, NoGravity, was sitting in the corner reading the EGOS handbook for the umpteenth time. And Laemin was taking the opportunity to try and get his skinchanger working right.

Meanwhile, in the world below...

"No one has seen any EGOS?" Reefsmoker asked the Plaza 1 crowd.
"Nah, ain't seen one since before all them explosions back when..." Smokey responded.
"I saw Lupus wearing the wrong pants a few weeks ago, but not since then." Trillian responded.
"This isn't good, what's going on?" SpikeZ asked.
"Who the pants gives a crap?" Wolfwood felt the need to get his two cents in, "no EGOS is fine by me."
"We need EGOS to maintain the balance." SpikeZ answered back, only to be punched in the face with his fist. Danae went over to comfort SpikeZ.
"Pah... your carebear protectors aren't coming back. And Danae's looking fat, and so is Trillian, and Lisa, and Eva, and Amagen and...." he carried on like that for.... too long.
"Shut up Wolfwood." Danae spat out.
"Heh, the world will be fine without EGOS. I mean, seriously, what do they do anyway? They never do anything, thats what they do... NOTHING. And you tell me to shut up again and I'll give ya a spanking!" Danae's eyes burned with rage, but she said nothing.

27 minutes later...

Terror in the streets, walls were falling down, fires were breaking out everywhere. People tried to flee the devastated faulty scenery, but they got stuck and couldn't move. Mobs began climbing out of the sewers. Runners went to fight them, only to find that their inventory had mysteriously disappeared. Genereps would take peoples money and not give them their stuff or teleport them anywhere.

And in the Wastelands it was no better. People driving along in APC's suddenly found their APC floating in midair half a mile above the canyon floor or stuck in a tree. Mobs would loom out at them and would not die. And those in H 12... well, those that were not in H 12 counted their blessings a thousand times. Runners would stand still and hope that trouble would not find them, only to find themselves falling through the fabric of reality and through the floor. Those trying to escape the wastelands by Generep would find that wherever they teleported to, they materialised in the air above it and fell to their doom.

"...Ok so maybe I spoke a little too soon." Wolfwood mumbled to himself.

Once again seeing the pain of the people, Danae returned to the Wastelands. During the Pants Virus incident, she had travelled to the Wastelands to try and summon The DEVS, but she had returned unsuccessful. This time it was more urgent than ever that she succeed.

Danae travelled to the summoning point, the only place in the Wastelands where one could stand a chance of summoning The DEVS. Standing on the Shoreline near Rockshore Factory, she threw a Milky Ren, a Synthetic beer and a chaos minion chitin into the water.
"From the dawn of time to the dawn of a new age, through water, earth and fire.
Come forth at my pleading, and have fun with the feeling, I summon with all my desire."
All of a sudden the waters broke, the earth trembled and two hands started groping Danae.
"OI!!! Get off!" she slapped her assailant.
"Hey, the summoning states I get to have fun with the feeling, so less with the slapping already," CoDi responded.
"Well you're here now, so lets get down to business." Danae replied.
"All right!" and CoDi dived towards her again, only to receive and elbow to the nose.
"Not that you perv."
"Oh my Lioon, the Pants Virus got you guys too?"
"Only while I'm in the Lower Plains, virus' don't work in the Fabricator."
"The what?"
"The Fabricator. Its the realm where DEVS work."
"Oh... ok. Anyways, the Lower Plain is falling apart. We need the EGOS back."
"MJS has ordered the EGOS locked away for all eternity. We cannot go against him on this."
"But the world cannot survive like this. For all the stupidity they bring and the amount of time they put us on hold while staring at the strippers, we NEED EGOS to keep things running, or it all falls apart."
"Hey, I hear ya. EGOS are cool in my book. But its Marty's call."
"Then let me at him and I'll kick his pants!"
"Oh please, a mere mortal cannot... unless... if you were... (he stares at Danae's boobs for a while) could it be? The answer to the prophecy!"
"What are you talking about now?"
"There is an ancient prophecy dating back before the formation of this world that states that there is one power in this universe that could severely weaken MJS' powers. And if that power were ever to come into his realm, a time of great upheaval and possible change would come about."
"And what is this great power?"
"You know... boobies!"
"Yes, if a woman were to enter the sacred all male circle of The DEVS, the scales of power would tip."
"How exactly does this help us down here?"
"I'll make a deal with you Danae," CoDi stopped staring at her breasts and looked her in the eyes, "I will release the locks and allow the EGOS to return to this realm" (a scream from high above is heard "YESSSSS!!!")
"Excellent," Danae turned to go.
"But, in exchange I must remove you from the lower realm and make you one of The DEVS. (another scream from high above "NOOOOO!!!! Sushi cannot leave!!")"
"You can't be serious!"
"Oh I'm dead serious. If I am to defy Martin, I must have a secret weapon to use against him. That is you. If you become one of us, you can disrupt Martin enough to allow us freedom to work. This is the deal, what is your answer." Danae horrified, slowly came to terms with the truth she had to face.

And so it was that Danae ascended to The DEVS, stolen from the Lower Plains. The EGOS were released and they began to fix the problems around the world... all except MoonUnit who went straight for Pepper Park.

SpikeZ received only a brief PM from Danae before she was snatched away. The news crushed his soul and he retreated to their little bungalow to grieve.

The walls were fixed, stuck runners released and inventory's somewhat restored. Some damage could not be so quickly undone but for the most part the world returned to normal.

KramertheWierd and Lisa Davitt had been having a private conversation in B 06 when the fabrif of reality had begun to tear around them. Clutching onto one another they would have suffered perma-death had Lupus of the 2nd Circle not saved them in the nick of time. He transported the two to Via Rosso 1 and then departed for the next crisis.
"Lisa, I'm gonna take that as a sign..." Kramer stated.
"A sign for what?" she asked. And he crouched down on one knee...

Danae spent the next week being assimilated and empowered in The Fabricator. When she was ready Danae began her duties of crushing Martin's will to live. However, her heart hurt every minute being separated from SpikeZ. Over the next few days she practiced creating things and resizing them, changing shapes and generally abusing her deity-esque powers. At one point Danae found out what it was like to have... well we won't discuss that further.

Then one day it occurred to her. She was an all powerful being. She could visit the Lower Plains any time she wanted. Exploding into Plaza 1 she caught the tail end of a conversation between SpikeZ, Wolfwood and the rest of Plaza 1.
"... and be glad your womans gone. The big stripper in Pepper is more your league dude and... and... oh pants..."
"Damn straight!" Danae's eyes glowed an eerie blue as she pulled her special tool out, "I seem to recall someone saying he'd give me a spanking if I ever told him to shut up again. Well, I'm telling you to shut up, but I've got a better response for you." Danae used her tool on Wolfwood and he froze, then was electrocuted and then fell to the ground. The crowdd looked on in awe.
"I have now renamed you. From this day forth, you shall be known as 'Spanky'" And so it was that Wolfwood became Spanky. And he was mocked. And then there was peace.

Meanwhile Danae grabbed SpikeZ and warped him to their bungalow for some catch-up time. After 7 hours straight of this, all SpikeZ could utter was:
"Higher Being Sex.... This is sooo Pants...."
"Hush now Spikey, and don't move. I've just thought of a great use for the 'enlarge' button on my special tool." And SpikeZ trembled... and Danae had fun....

Tune in soon for Issue 35: Four EGOS and a Wedding.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
27-05-03, 12:07
Oh no Kramer, you haven't been NERDed... yet.
One more issue and you will be.

Anyway, quick apology from me to .... everyone who reads this.
Yes, as you've all noticed, the rate of NERD's has dropped off to essentially one a week lately, which was never my intention. But 3 reasons have kept the flow of NERD down:

1. In real life, ol' Ned is a University Student *sees everyone looking shocked as they hear actual facts about Laemin's real life*. And at present it is Final Exam time. Hence both my time for writing and my creative ideas are being sucked out my ass and into the evil hole I know as a Tertiary Learning Institution.

2. Other real life woes caused dear NERD Editor to go into a very pissed off state of mind for a few weeks. This is not the time to be trying to write entertaining stories. (starts writing "And Lisa Davitt and Trillian began walking through a field of roses... and then 2 evil lawyers came along and stabbed them and skinned them alive, hung their flesh out to dry and wore their asses home as hats....".... yeah, not good).

3. Ever since I wrote Issue 30 I have been a bit scared to write more. Throughout writing NERD, I have had a fairly decent idea of where the storyline concerning Dome of York was going, and so I could make sure that whatever I wrote would not spoil that or give anything away. But once I reached Issue 30 I realised I no longer knew what came next and if I kept writing I might start accidentally ruining things for people. Just recently I got some more info though so I can rest assured that the only grief I'm causing KK is the constant mockings of its employees and CEO.

So, with that in mind, I should hopefully, in 2 weeks or so, be back to writing an Issue almost every other day. So pretty please be patient with me guys, I don't get to live at my keyboard, however much I wish I could.

NERD Editor
28-05-03, 12:44
NERD Issue # 035

Four EGOS And A Wedding

KramertheWierd and Lisa Davitt had been having a private conversation in B 06 when the fabrif of reality had begun to tear around them. Clutching onto one another they would have suffered perma-death had Lupus of the 2nd Circle not saved them in the nick of time. He transported the two to Via Rosso 1 and then departed for the next crisis.
"Lisa, I'm gonna take that as a sign..." Kramer stated.
"A sign for what?" she asked. And he crouched down on one knee...

Yes, those in the respective clans had known it was in the air, but to the majority, the news came as a suprise. Lisa Davitt, resident blonde of NUTS and Neocron's sexiest Poker and KramertheWierd, PIMP daddy that he is, had decided to tie the knot and get married. This would be the first time the two clans had 'united' in any way, and amazingly there was little objection.

After 2 weeks of planning, the wedding was set to go off. The location of the wedding was to be kept secret until as close to the time as possible, as certain parties might choose to crash. The reception would be held in Via Rosso 3 when all was said and done.

Attributing their second chance at life to him, they asked Lupus of the 2nd Circle of EGOS to perform the ceremony. He agreed.

The day before the wedding came. Lupus, having been taken aside by MoonUnit for days to learn the finer art of 'deleting annoying textures', otherwise known as women's clothing, had forgotten to learn what he had to say. The wedding dress was torn, the cake had been stolen by the Long Eared One (chocolate centres are never a good choice) and the bridesmaids were crying their eyes out. Hence, everything was right on schedule.

And so it was that the day of the wedding came about. Somewhere through the centuries, the age old tradition of not seeing the bride before the wedding had been lost. Hence no one thought it strange that Lisa and Kramer were together for breakfast that day.
"Is everything in place?" Lisa whispered in his ear.
"Yeah, we'll send out the word to meet in the Ball Room later today." Kramer whispered back.
"Why are we whispering?" MoonUnit asked. They both yelled in unison. After MoonUnit was thrown out, they carried on.
"Well hon, that was a great breakfast," Lisa rose to go and Kramer followed, "now its time to get on with the weeding."
"Ok babe, lets get going..." and Kramer moved to head for the chapel.
"OI!!!!! Where do you think you're going? I said its time to do the Weeding!" And Lisa grabbed him by the gonads and pulled him out to the garden she had planted on the roof of her Via Rosso apartment. Where once there had been weeds, now had mutated into Acanthous Tentacles. And Kramer could only realise that from this day forward, he was whipped.
(And for all those who thought I mispelled Wedding above, gotcha).

The 'Ball Room' was actually the Big Yellow Ball Room in Military Base Storage 2. Lupus had generated some aisles for them and the guests were arriving. NUTS, PIMP's and even GEF's were arriving in droves for the social event of the fortnight (next fortnight Danae's holding a 'Best Butts in Neocron' bikini contest). Security was posted outside and the lovers entered. Cheers and wolfwhistles were heard, and the Psi Monks put out their artificial confetti (in the form of a Psi heal). Lupus began to move towards the podium.

Meanwhile near the entrance, Spanky had had a hard few weeks on the liquor. He'd fallen on hard times with such a disrespected name as Spanky. And last night, he'd staged a backdoor deal for some LAG rounds. He was determined to get even with Danae.

Lupus stepped up to the podium and coughed a few times. No one paid any attention. He Temp Kicked one of the bridesmaids, everyone shut up.
"Ok... Dearly beloved... Is it beloved or .... ACCK"...

Lupus in his disoriented state tested the lag rounds by firing them at the guy dressed in black, hitting Lupus with the only ammo that works on EGOS. Lupus was sent flying from the Lower Plains to recover his composure. Shocked and dismayed, Lisa looked to go nuts, but security chased Spanky away. All of a sudden FreeNode showed up.
"FREENODE!!!" Shodough yelled.
"Wow, another set of tin pants." Techi tried to fill the void that McDanish would have taken up, but it wasn't the same.
"Oooh, tin pants means hard pants contents." Eva tried to jump FreeNode, but he quickly warped to Lisa.
"Perhaps I can be of assistance." FreeNode offered to perform the service and Lisa, beaming with joy accepted. Kramer had already accepted he had no control over this day so just stood still, pleading with the power that is Marty that he wouldn't lose the ring. FreeNode was about to begin when Spanky crashed back into the room and hailed fire at the replacement minister. FreeNode then began to race Lupus back to the Higher Plain.

Eyes blazing red, Lisa extended her fingernails to claw length and prepared to rip Spanky to shreds. Kramer knew all to well what that felt like and cowered behind his best man. All of a sudden a mighty "TEMP KICK!!!" was heard as Laemin, having stolen CheapLoveMotel's boot of doom, came flying in and dropkicked Spanky into orbit, before chasing him out through the hole in the roof. Spanky would not be a problem, but it seemed there were no more EGOS to perform the wedding. All of a sudden with fire in his heart, a tear in his eye and a tank full of beer, J.Reaper leapt to his feet and began the sermon.
"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of MJS to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. If any person should object, let him speak now or forever hold his peace..." Lisa turned, eyes blazing red at the crowd. Eva had been raising her hand to ask if she could have a quicky with the groom first, but now thought better of it. J.Reaper continued.
"Do you KramertheWierd take Lisa Davitt to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to grope as long as you both shall live?"
"Yes I do."
"Same sentence, names alternated, less groping, more bossing around." Everyone raised an eyebrow as they thought about that.
"Yes I do."
"Please exchange the rings." The two passed each other a recordable datacube labelled 'wedding ring'.
"By the state of anarchy I declare you husband and wife you may..." they were already going at it, "carry on."

The Reception in Sypher's Cafe was a huge event. The LAG'ed EGOS returned to pay their compliments to the happy couple and the clans put aside their differences and all got drunk in equal measure! The party lasted some time and a few other relationships even began to flourish.

Later that night, it was Lisa, lying in sultry pose in the newly formed 'joint apartment'.
"Well come on Kram... I'm waiting." Kramer emerged from the bathroom and dimmed the lights.
"Ohh yeah babey, ohhh yeah." And he crept into the bed.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom....

Kramer struggled to undo his restraints, as all he could hear was 'ohh yeah babey' and the occasional 'sushi time' coming from the other room, and he wondered when his face had become part of an EGOS skinchanger.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
19-06-03, 09:15
NERD Issue # 036

What's a Forum?

...As the Kramer disguised MoonUnit clambered into the bed, Lisa turned to look at him, passion in her eyes. That passion quickly went out as she looked down.
"MOONUNTI!!!" Her eyes blazed death.
"How did you know it was me?" Moon asked. Lisa pointed to his groin region and the "EGOS Enhanced Moisture Missile, Property of KK" that was prepped for launch. We will not inquire as to why it has a label, some things are better left unsaid.

Lisa stormed into the bathroom and freed Kramer from his bonds. Sore and a little upset that his honeymoon had been gatecrashed, Kramer insisted that Moon leave. Sensing that the sushi bar was closed, so to speak, Moon turned to go, but Lisa had other ideas.

Lisa reached into her purse and pulled the 'Brassnucks of Anti-Stupidity', her wedding present from Laemin. She then proceeded to go postal on MoonUnit. Through 5 sets of powerarmour, full constitution and EGOS invincibility, she pounded the nucks till she eventually hit him squarely in his standard issue KK enhanced brass balls. One eye crossed the other and Moon grabbed his crotch in pain.
"Wow honey, aren't you going a little too far?"
"No, I'm not through with him." And Lisa began the dance of summoning. And then CheapLoveMotel appeared.
"Hey, whats up? Oooh, nice nightwear Lisa," he got punched right about now, "so...ow.... what can I do for you?"
"MoonUnit badmouthed Helpdesk." Lisa stated. Kramer tried to hide his horror. He couldn't believe Lisa would stoop to that. There are many things that go on in Neocron, and many things that are let slip, but no matter what: You don't mock Helpdesk.

CheapLoveMotel glared at Moon, who, thanks to his cracked nuts, could not speak to defend himself. CLM reared back and yelled it loud and proud.
"CRIME AGAINST HELPDESK!!! TEMP KICK!!!" And he punted as if the 2060 Superbowl depended on it. And Moon sailed up, and then headed back down....

Nerd Editor was sitting back, checking his latest issue, and sipping a Warbot Cola.
"Yes, this is perhaps the most perfect issue I've ever written. I shall publish it this very day... hey whats that whistling sound?" And with that MoonUnits overly generous ass came crashing down through the roof and thanks to his being a Tinpants plated EGOS, he broke the foundation of the building and NERD Inc. was demolished. The Perfect NERD lost for all time. But MoonUnit found the Porn archives in the basement so I suppose not all was bad news.

Hello dear readers, this is NERD Editor. Since the destruction of my office over a month ago, I have not been able to publish my NERD's. That is about to change. To get the ball rolling, I bring to you today a story about a topic that is near and dear to many of you. From time to time, we have all heard the word 'forum'. But what is it? And how does it fit into our world? Some speak of it as a place to share ideas. Others call it a place of violent arguments, and others have been known to call it a mess. Here and now today, we shall uncover the truth.

As has been well documented, NUTS have been working to install toilets throughout Neocron. At long last that task is complete and the city gave a great big flush in commemoration. One of the last things to be done in the mighty task was the implementation of Public Toilet facilities.

Now, once the Public toilets were open, people entered and began to use them. Now, there's no explanation for why it happened, it just seems to be a universal truth since the dawn of time. But those individuals started.... writing on the cubicle walls. It has been this way since the Cavemen, who while they took a crap in a hole in their cave, doodled drawings on the nearby wall. It moved onto the Romans who would take a scroll in to the lavatory with them to read (they were more cultivated you see....). It then moved onto the Mafia putting messages (and weapons) behind the water cylinders in restaurant toilets, and of course the rampant 'toilet culture' of the 20th and 21st century's. And thus it came that in the Year that Toilets returned to Neocron, the runners did begin the trend again.

At first it was very simple. Runners would come in and write "Hi, I'm Gleep, and this is my first time in here!", to which following runners would say hi and then introduce themselves and ultimately, they would get a conversation going right the way down the wall. When they reached the bottom of the wall, a keen eyed runner named Ren spotted a switch at the bottom and hauled the wall up to reveal... more wall!
"Wow, the wall scrolls!" He exclaimed.

After a while, the conversation would start digressing into different things, so people decided that different conversations should be in different areas. Hence, the various toilet cubicles were assigned to different topics. The toilet with no toilet paper was assigned to the debates about inter-clan politics, as it was the most heated topic. After all, people in that cubicle were so busy writing responses to the previous ones they usually forgot to go. The cubicle at the far end was assigned as 'Brainport' the area for new ideas. The reason for this was that good ideas take a while, so the ones who have them are generally the one's having difficulty going and would thus be there a while. As a result the cubicle at the far end made the safest choice for everyone else.

But all was not well with this system. After a while, certain TG runners, who had no toilets of their own, began to sneak into the Public toilet. Now as you know TG runners live in the Canyon and their diet consists largely of meat by-products from TerrorMaulers, a spicy food by anyone's standard. This meat also has a tendency to make the eater irritable. As these TG runners sat on the toilet, they saw a post about how sad TG runners were hailing Fusion cannon shells at everything that moved and how they couldn't hit the backside of a Warbot with a Cold Fusion Missile. Consequently in their irritated state, and excreting a rather lava-like bodily waste, the TG runners began to write harsh rebuttles and some abuse at the original writers. Due to the blazing sulphuric fumes coming from the cubicle when they wrote, it was called a 'flame post'.

After a while, many others, some fueled by tainted meat, and some with just a lot of gas, took to 'flame posting'. It became so rampant that every public toilet wall was covered in flame posts, and a few were deciding to write their flame posts with their lava like... you get the idea.

And so it was that City Admin, sensing a need to keep the toilet walls usable, instituted The MODS (Men Opposed to Destructive Spam).

There was Aegir, who would cut off any flame post by telling them where their posts really needed to be (and then flushing it after they left).

There was Hodur, who used a special form of gum to stop the walls from scrolling and thus effectively closing certain posts, until a new wall could be found.

There was Niddhog, who's speed and efficiency was frightening. At times he would be editing what you were posting, while you were posting it (which got very disturbing let me assure you... 2 men in a cubicle.... uh uh). Even more impressive was his Cloth of Edit, which he would streak across the worst of the posts and would replace with his own brand of 'niceness'.

But there would be times where the posts would degrade into an unhealthy pile of.... never mind. The post would become so foul, so obnoxious, it would make what was resting in the bowl seem like a Potpouri. One of the worst offenders was when Megaman, new commander of the Forces of Dome of York, snuck into Neocron and let loose what he'd been holding in for weeks (and I mean that in both ways...). The MODS couldn't and wouldn't touch it with a 12 foot mop.

And so they sent for the one man willing to get stuck elbow deep into a really bad post. Odin.

Yes, when posts go wrong and the cubicle becomes a no mans land, Odin shows up to make it like it never was. He'll unclog thread congestion, remove obscene posts forever and leave that cubicle clean, sheen and smelling of pine.

Many have asked "Is it worth it?" Are these posts really needed? Well ask the MODS, ask Odin, ask any man who's had a corn brisket crap that feels like you're trying to pass a block of concrete with 5 corners out of a hole the size of a thimble, and they'll all tell you yes, for many different reasons. Because they help you relax, or vent, or get things off your chest (and out your...), because they allow you to become informed.

But most importantly because discussion is important, and as anyone knows, any good discussion is (F)ounded (O)riginally in (R)ooms of (U)nbelievable (M)ess.

NERD Editor
20-06-03, 08:20
NERD Issue # 037

Enter The Dome: Part 1

"Sid, Mega, my office, 10 minutes." Cassandra Edwards spoke into her comm-unit. She swivelled in her chair and looked out of her window at the top of the Dome. Outside it was quite barren. The Defender bots were rolling around the perimeter, but otherwise it was dead outside.

It had been nearly six weeks since her bold move to take Dome of York as her own. Since then her two generals, Megaman and Insidious Wolf, had tirelessly worked to build up their forces. NUBI and CDV had not yet merged as one unit, but she was sure that was not far off. The army of DeltaGens she had brought with her to the Dome were now back in stasis in the lower bowels of the city. Inside the city the production lines worked tirelessly to build up more Dome Defender bots, Scythe-bots and BETA Warbots.

Sid and Mega entered Cassandra's office and took up their seats.
"Good. Where do we stand on production?"
"Currently, if we were to unleash all our forces on Neocron at once we would outnumber them 40 to one. However, if we factor in the possibility of EGOS intervention, that advantage will be all but wiped out." Megaman replied.
"Sid, you said you could have something to help us deal with that?"
"Yes. If we equip a troop of DeltaGens with LAG rounds, we can overcome the EGOS obstacle." Megaman was still having a hard time hearing Sid like this. Everyone had got used to him calling himself Precious all the time. Now that his madness seemed to have left... it wasn't the same.
"What else?" Cassandra asked.
"Those fighters of Neocron's pose a problem. It gives them air superiority." Megaman replied.
"Can we not equip the Warbots with Ground to Air missiles?"
"It's possible, but will take at least a week to get them all upgraded."
"Then you'd better start now." Mega nodded and left the room.
"So Sid, what special news do you have for me?"
"It's fairly quiet out there. Since The Wierd's got married Neocron has been fairly relaxed. I have noted a few NUTS hanging out near Regant's Legacy, but they seem to be hunting Swamp creatures. There does seem to be something going on with JERK's. They've had some very serious fighting with the Twilight Guardian leadership. I'll keep you posted." And with that their meeting was over.
"How much do you suspect Reza? How much do you fear me? Your time is drawing nigh. Soon it will be you on your knees in front of ME!!!" Cassandra prattled off to herself, Sid just walked away.

Megaman had enjoyed becoming the Supreme General of York. He oversaw the production of his mighty army, revelled in the almost sincere adulation of his clan and partied all night long. About a month ago he snuck into Neocron, did some serious flaming in the Public 'FORUM' and then stole his beloved Jukebox from Pepper Park 2. Since then, every night, the Dome resounds with the Theme song to Happy Days, and Megaman in his leather jacket, dancing around with Psycho Killa as only drunk fools can.

Cassandra stayed up to 2am Neocron standard time every night. She could always be heard in her office gloating over how she pulled one over on Reza and how she was going to crush him once and for all. Then she would arise again at 5am Neocron standard to receive her daily transmission from Martin, the instigator of war. She continually pushed Sid and Mega and their forces onwards towards preparing a mighty army the likes of which Neocron had never seen and could never withstand.

Sid on the other hand, spoke very little. He had chosen his old cell as his quarters, much to the suprise of everyone, although he rarely used it. He would generally be found late at night, skulking around the Sublevels of the Dome, near the Mobile Weapon storage areas. Those who saw him never heard him, and those that thought they could hear him, could never find him. But always they knew he was there.

NUBI was all but gone. Only 2 members still remained, and neither of them are worth mentioning. They were along for the ride and offered Sid the chance to say he wasn't head of a One Man Clan. CDV on the other hand was going from one destructive and evil strength to another. They were big, powerful and well funded. And they had all sworn a blood oath to ruin Neocron Forever!!! (Big Red Subtitles Slam Down "CORPORATE INSULT!!!").

And so the power of the Dome grew. Unbeknownst to the peoples of Neocron but knownst to us (Mel Brooks' Spaceballs.... Copywright, pay up.) their gears turned in the great machine of war. Soon the Dome would break forth again to lay seige to Neocron and none would be able to stop it. None, but the mighty MoonUnit. Ok, who am I kidding, Moon would let them march all over Neocron if Cassandra offered him some sushi. We have no hope, we're all doomed. Megaman's gonna pwns us all and Sid's gonna laugh and Cassandra's gonna make everyone wear Pink Tutu's before we are all executed. Life sux I quit... I'm outta here....

A few days later, (after my employers showed me the clause in my contract saying I'm not allowed to quit on a tantrum) Sid was standing in the cryo-hall of Delta-Gens. He activated a switch and brought them all back to full animation.
"ORDERS???" They all yelled.
"Argghh.... don't yell."
"orders..." they all whispered.
"Gah... they're even dumber than normal tanks. Next you'll all be walking around going EYYYYY. Stand at attention!" They stood at attention (a ghost slaps N'ed over the back of the head "Hey, that's my line!")
"Now, you remember what I taught you?"
"Sid, Yes Sid!" Sid narrowed his eyes, looked left, looked right, looked down the hall, closed the door and looked back at the DeltaGens.
"Proceed." And then they began. They chanted in unison and in perfect time with each other.

"Oh we are the Tanks of Dome of York, we're gonna kick some ass.
Kill JERK's and NUTS and Canadians too, we're gonna have a blast.
We'll hit them hard and hit them fast, and nail em to the wall.
Then we'll sit right back and tell the tale of Neocron's mighty fall.

But thats not all, theres more to tell, a plan have we begun.
For our king Sid, the greatest man, must first have all his fun.
He works in shadow with thought so deep, he truly has a plan.
To start it off we first must kill that asshole Megaman.

Mega, Mega, you've stolen King Sid's turf,
Mega, Mega, you look like a Freakn Smurf.

And once thats done, that bitch will pay, for locking Sid away.
Cassandra should have known by now, with others Sid won't play.
So here we are, with thoughts so dark, ascending to the throne.
By this weeks end, when blood is shed, Sid shall rule the Dome.

MJS will send his mail, and Edwards takes his call.
While Sid will sit and wait his time, to cause her mighty fall.
Until that day he sits down here, and sings this song with us.
And longs for the day when once again, he unleashes his PRECIOUSS!!!!

Until next time...

NERD Editor
21-06-03, 00:59
NERD Issue # 038

Enter The Dome: Part 2, The Dome Reloaded

"Nice accoustics in here Mega." Psycho Killa observed.
"Yeah man, now lets get this party started!" Megaman and CDV began their party at the centre of the Dome. With Happy Days blaring out and a Lot of stolen Synthetic whisky and Cron Beer, CDV was partying hard. Little did they know that up above them, at the top of Central Tower, the support piece for the Dome, Cassandra was having very different feelings.

Looking down on CDV, Cassandra leered at them with disgust. She had taken them on for their sheer strength and destructive abilities, but their company she could not stand. She had also kept Sid around for the same reason, lots of power, personality to kill because of.

"That's right Mega, party it up. Soon I will send you to vanquish my enemies, and at the same time you shall seal your own fate. Once you have done all I need, you will find yourself on the receiving end of more firepower than you could possibly imagine. I'll get you..." and she looked at Psycho, "I'll get you... and your little dog too!" (Wizard of Oz - Copyright, pay up).

Cassandra continued to gloat to herself, and occasionally cackle, till she fell asleep in her chair and dreamed of simpler days.

Cassandra: In the womb

"Warm.... cozy... I love it here. It is nice here. Hey whats that? A light at the end of the tunnel? No.... noooo I'm getting sucked out. Acckkkk I'm covered in crap.... and who are these ugly people... wait, you... I know you... no, It can't be!!!"

Cassandra: Age 4

"I love lollipops." Cassandra said.
"I love lollipops too!" Spanky (aka Wolfwood) ran over and grabbed it.
"Noo, give it back!"
"Nah nah, finders keepers, losers ....arghhh!!" Cassandra started pinching him as only girls can. Eventually the lollipop was lost for all time. Cassandra made a mental note that she should exact further revenge on Spanky as well as Reza.

Cassandra: Age 14

"Ok, I'll show you mine if you show me yours." he whispered to her. Cassandra whipped her top off with proffesional skill.
"Those are boobies." McDanish stated the obvious. He then walked off. Cassandra went to note further revenge on him, then realised she was too late.

Cassandra: Age 17

In the backseat of an APC with Centuri. He lasted 3 minutes. Then he blabbed to all of NDA. Revenge, much revenge.

Cassandra: Age 22

After finishing Advanced Business School in Via Rosso 2, she applied for an assistant managers job with all the major company's. After 6 months of trying she got a job serving radioactive fries at McMutants. They will all pay... oh YES!!

Cassandra: Age 23 (actually more like 30 but she'll never admit to it)

Finally got her job working for Reza. This involved much asskissing (and even more work on the other side) and putting up with his crap....

At that final memory she awoke. Every time she thought of Reza her blood boiled, but that memory of the womb had stuck. Wide eyed in fear she ran down the 58 stairwells of Central Tower to Megaman's party. There she stopped, stared in terror and shuddered.
"EYYYY, I see you have realised the truth!" Megaman replied.
"No, no, it can't be." she backed into a wall
"Oh but it is."
"This isn't possible!" Megaman removed his blue Powerarmour to reveal a pink powerarmour underneath.
"Cassandra, I am your MOTHER!!!"
"NOOOOOO!!!!!" (Steve Oedekirk's Thumb Wars.... Copyright, Pay UP!!)

Sid's latest chorus of "They're all gonna die" was interrupted by the high pitched screaming above.
"Wow, someone's not happy."

"Ohhhhh my Lioon, Megaman's a hermaphrodite!!" Penzius, newest initiate to the 2nd Circle of EGOS exclaimed.
"I did not want to know that." Lupus, who was walking around wearing Trillian's stolen pants, replied.
"But, and I'm almost afraid to ask this... If Megaman's her mother... who's her father?" Moon looked aprehensive and warped to Zone 28 fast.

Cassandra and Megaman had a touching family reunion of blame and recrimination. Many bottles were thrown, many shots were fired, and Psycho Killa was used like a club at one point. Eventually the two came to the disturbing understanding that they were family whether they liked it or not. And after a time Cassandra realised that having her mother watch her back might not be the worst idea ever. And so they embraced as mother and daughter and did what every good family does; blamed their neighbours for all their woes and got back to planning to destroy them.

And Sid watched from a nearby gutter, and planned, and waited...

Until next time...

NERD Editor
21-06-03, 01:28
NERD Issue # 039

Enter the Dome: Part 3: The Dome Revolutions

Our story begins
"Wow look, the Dome spins. It Revolutions 360 degrees."
Our story ends....

Ok, real story begins...

Cassandra got up... again... as she does every day at 0500, again... geez this is getting dull. Don't you guys do anything interesting at the Dome?

Cassandra: What is this, an interview?
N'ed: Well, yeah.
Cassandra: Ok fine, lets do an interview.

Getting to Know Dome of York: An Interview by NERD Editor.

N'ed: Well hello folks. Today we're going to be talking with the biggest meglomaniacs I could find...
Megaman: EYYYYYY
Sid: Hey, who you calling a mega-maniac
Cassandra: Shut up, both of you.
N'ed: May I continue now?
Megaman: Yes
Sid: No
Cassandra: Shut up.
N'ed: Oh ok
Cassandra: No, not you.
N'ed: Not me?
Cassandra: Not you, them.
Megaman: Them who?
Cassandra: You who... I mean you two
Sid: What?
Megaman: Who?
Cassandra: SHUT UP!!!
N'ed: Let's try this again.

N'ed: Cassandra, in one sentence, please sum up the purpose of Dome of York
Cassandra: To crush my enemies once and for all.
N'ed: Megaman, now that we know Cassandra is your daughter, how does it make you feel to know your child is hellbent on destroying almost all life in Neocron.
Megaman: Oh I'm very proud of her. Its good to see my child has ambition!
N'ed: And Sid, how do you fit into this?
Sid: I like killing things (Sid steps on a roach at this point to prove his point. He didn't have to eat it though).
N'ed: So, what is your favourite thing in the world?
Megaman: Happy Days
Cassandra: Revenge
Sid: Pre... Genocide.
N'ed: What is your most hated thing in the world?
Megaman: Daft Punk
Cassandra: Reza
Sid: This conversation
N'ed: Who is your best friend in the world?
Megaman: Psycho Killa
Cassandra: My vibra.... uhhh, My mother.
Sid: The prec... Holy Lightning.
N'ed: Who is your worst enemy in the world?
Megaman: MoonUnit (megaman rubbed his ass at this point, not sure why)
Cassandra: Reza, McDanish, Spanky, Centuri....
N'ed: Just one please
Cassandra: SHUT UP!! Its a long list.
Sid: Whoever is in my targeting reticle.
N'ed: Now, I understand that your conquest of the Dome was assisted by your use of the DeltaGens
Cassandra: That is correct.
N'ed: You knew they were inside Regant's Legacy?
Cassandra: Oh yes, there were archives in City Admin about the Regant's special project.
N'ed: And are there any other such suprises in there.
Cassandra: Oh yes, and once I'm done with Neocron, I will go there to claim them, but at this point there's no rush.
N'ed: Really? So you're not concerned that NUTS have launched an expedition to go inside Regants Legacy?
Cassandra: What??
Sid: I told you they were there.
Cassandra: But you... I mean... this interview is over.

Cassandra marched off hauling her two Generals behind her.
"I'm heading there now, we must cut them off before its too late."
"Why, whats so important?" Sid asked.
"No time to explain. Mega, gather CDV and a squad of DeltaGens, follow me as soon as you can. We have to get there and end that expedition as fast as possible."
"Understood." Cassandra marched off to get her Reveller from the garage. The gate began to open and she tore out of the front gate.
"I will gather our forces Sid, you should hold the fort here. We'll ...ARRGGGHGHHHHHEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!!!" Sparks flew from Mega's eyes and nostrils as Sid grabbed hold of the back of his head with his gauntlet wearing hand. The gauntlet was equipped with the most hated of all Forbidden Technologies: The BAN (Bringer of Absolute Narcolepsy). Megaman was rendered completely unconscious and he fell to the ground, unable to rise again.
"Yessss.... It is our time now... PRECIOUS!!!" And Sid closed the Gate, and in one swift mistake, became Lord of the Dome.

Without a thought for what was behind her, Cassandra drove like a wildwoman for the Legacy. In the archives of Neocron, there was a passage, written by Regant himself. It read:
"I wonder sometimes if I should tell those fools in the Dome how futile their fight is. They can never win. I have constructed a weapon, one so terrible, so powerful, that they will not be able to endure its power. Should it ever look as though our brave warriors cannot win this Ceres War, I shall unleash it, and there is nothing they can do to stop it...."
The rest of the passage was lost to the ages. But Cassandra knew. She knew that Regant did not exagerate such things. The Legacy held the ultimate weapon; the weapon that would ensure victory for one side. She had thought she would not need it, but now the very real threat that Neocron might gain possession of this weapon was at hand. She could not allow it, she would never allow it.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
22-06-03, 12:12
NERD Issue # 040

The Seventh Circle

"Dude, I'm not going in there." Reefsmoker stated.
"What? Come on, we walked all the way over here, and now you don't wanna go?" Hurricane replied. Hurricane, Reefsmoker, Warlock, Evangelion, Gully Foyle, Techi and Lisa Davitt had all travelled to the gates of Regant's Legacy this day. Now they were there, and Reef was hesitating.
"Any particular reason you don't wanna go in?" Techi asked.
"Yeah, look at the sign." And everyone looked at the no smoking sign. Everyone fell over in exasperation.
"Right, now that the stupidity is over, lets go," Warlock entered first, activating his flashlight. The rest followed, with Lisa Davitt bringing up the rearguard and using her Dildo of Maven.

The air just inside the entrance was not too bad, but the further in they went, the more stagnant it became. This of course was to be expected. With the exception of the DeltaGen cryo-room, no living thing had entered Regant's Legacy since the Ceres War. The seven NUTS proceeded cautiously into the chasm left by the explosives Cassandra Edwards and her agents had placed several weeks ago.

The first room was much what you'd expect to see right behind a giant, well-sealed gate... nothing to look at. The mechanism for opening the gates was there and there were three exits from the room, but otherwise there was nothing.
"Mmm, homely." Hurricane noted.
"Yeah, its nice. Some curtains, a few throwrugs, and this place will look just like home!" Eva said.
"You mean it'll look like a brothel?" Warlock smirked. He got an elbow to the ribs for that one.
"Hey, over here," Gully beckoned them to a wall near the centre exit of the 3, "looks like a map of this place."
"How convenient!" Lisa clapped with excitement.
"I wouldn't get too excited, its just a basic floorplan. No directions of how to get where. This place has seven levels, starting with this one and going down. This floor is guardrooms and DeltaGen storage." Gully read.
"Lets hope none are left," Warlock gripped his firelance.
"SubLevel - 2 is Kitchen, food storage and Maintenance."
"Can't fix things on an empty stomach, go on," Reef said.
"SL - 3 is Laboratory's, SL - 4 is Testing grounds."
"Testing for what?" Lisa asked.
"SL - 5 is Command and Control, SL - 6 is the Armoury"
"Oooh, that sounds like fun." Hurricane's eyes gleamed.
"And SL - 7 is... The ... I can't read it."
"Well if we get down there I'm sure we'll find out," Reef said, "lets head onwards."

Meanwhile at Neocron,

The EGOS had joined the citizens for a party, commemorating nothing in particular. There was free alcohol and food, so no one cared what it was for. MoonUnit and Penzius were getting down with Trillian and friends. CheapLoveMotel was having a drinking contest with all of NDA, Critter was predicting what horrible things would happen next to people and Laemin was pretending to be a lamppost. The 2nd Circle of EGOS were all in Neofrag giving 20 or so runners the beatings of their lives. Reza looked on from above and smiled. He had planned this party to distract people from the growing rumours descending from the North; that the wheels of war turned fast up there and that soon Cassandra would be coming for their lives. Reza reclined back in his chair and breathed a short sigh of relief. This should get him through another month before the people start to get irritable again. Had it not been for the descisive victory using the FireWreathes, he would not have made it to the end of this month. But right now, time was all he needed. The wheels of war might spin fast in the North, but they spin even faster in Neocron. He just needed another month or two. Then the people wouldn't be yelling at him, they'd be bowing to him. His new assistant, Michael Felding, entered the office.
"What news Mike?"
"It's pretty quiet out there. Some rumours of dissentions amongst Twilight Guardians, and some of NUTS have gone off on a Wasteland expedition, but otherwise everyone is enjoying the festivities."
"Alright, keep the trackers going, but I think we can rest for this evening. It does look to be a quiet night."
"Yes, sir." Michael closed the door behind him.

That night, at Twilight Guardians,

"So it's agreed then?" Chiphead asked.
"Yes, we can no longer stand this... blatant cowardice." .cylon answered.
"We move, together, Now." Shadow growled. The rest of JERK's nodded in agreement.
For some time, the command of Twilight Guardians and JERK's had been butting heads. JERK's were of the absolute opinion that the Dome of York posed a clear and present danger and that they must engage them immediately. TG command on the other hand seemed to think if they did nothing, they would be left untouched. And so the two leaderships bickered and yelled for many a week. When Cassandra had taken control of the Dome, JERK's had geared up for war, in full expectation that TG command would not allow a former CityAdmin executive to take control of the Dome. They were wrong. TG command had simply smiled, as if they had been expecting it all along. And so for the last few weeks, JERK's had been making full preparations to sever their ties to TG and return to Neocron. This night, they were moving. JERK's gathered their belongings and began an evening march into the wastelands. They would journey to Tech Haven and from there contact the city and make them aware of their intentions. Once that was done they would then return to Neocron. Fully aware of the Fallen Angels attitude to what the former SODOM had done to TH, they asked if they would be granted safe passage. Suprisingly the Fallen Angels had granted it.
It would be a long night, so they got started...

Back at the Legacy,

"Geez you'd think they'd have put a few maintenance bots in here to clean the place from time to time. I haven't seen Spider Queen's make cobwebs this big." Reef complained.
"You complain to much. Exploration is an adventure, enjoy it." Warlock hacked away with his combatknife at the sticky strands of web.
"Fine, you enjoy the adventure. Me, I'm gonna take offense to having web in my hair."
"Woah, check this out." Eva called to them. They came to the room she was looking into. In it were rows upon rows of cryo-tubes. Each one had been opened and the dust on the ground had been disturbed.
"Guess this is where the DeltaGens were held." Eva said.
"I'm just glad they're gone." Hurricane said. Warlock looked at the far corner of the room and narrowed his eyes. He walked further into the room. The others beckoned him to return but he was fixated on something. As he neared the far side of the room, he continually gripped his psi gauntlet further. The dust at the far end of the room had been disturbed in the last few minutes...

It was at this point that Cassandra learned of the NUTS expedition and the Gates of the Dome were opening. Megaman was entering the deep sleep and Sid was starting to feel pretty good about himself. As Cassandra's Reveller tore out of the gate, the trackers in Neocron sounded off, but Michael, who was supposed to be monitoring them, was not paying attention, as he, and most of the party goers were distracted by the scene outside. Lupus had stolen Trillian's pants again and watching her run around pantsless after an EGOS with absolute speed was quite entertaining.

... and Warlock was certain he'd seen something moving around in the shadows. He approached as quietly as he could. And sure enough, he spotted two DeltaGens, their backs to him, loading their Fusion cannons. Warlock decided a quick Fire Barrel would be enough and prepared to cast when two latecomers showed up.
"YO WARLOCK, HOW's IT HANGING?" Diesel yelled into the room.
"Whatcha doin?" Byron called in. Warlock spun round to glare at them, but the glare quickly turned to frantic panic as the two DeltaGens leapt to their feet and prepared to fire.
"MOVE YOUR CANDY ASS NO BRAIN DROM LOVING BUTTS NOW!!!!" Warlock yelled as the Fusion fire started hailing past him. Cryo-tubes exploded and the glass showered them all. Warlock grabbed his NUTS and ran. They charged down the hall as fast as their Athletics would take them.
"Which way?" Lisa called.
"Pick one." the rest yelled back. They turned right and ran into another big room. As they entered the lights auto activated to reveal... rows of cryo-tubes containing more DeltaGens, unawoken.
"From now on, Lisa doesn't pick the direction." Eva whined.
"Hey!" Lisa took offense.
"Foyle, help me." Warlock threw him a Lasersword and the two ran over to some pipelines on the wall. They cleaved the pipes off the wall and from their exposed ends gushed the coolant for the Cryo-tubes.
"Are you nuts? You defrost them and they'll all wake up!" Diesel yelled.
"Wrong. If you just defrost someone in a cryo-tube, they die. They have to be re-animated properly. This will take care of the sleepers, and hopefully the other two, now go hide." And they hid. The two DeltaGens that had been pursuing them entered the room. One looked left, the other looked right, neither looked out. The coolant pipe exhausted liquid coolant upon them both and they began to freeze. In anger, they tried to walk forward, but their feet stuck to the floor. Another step, and one left its foot behind, snapping off at the ankle. As the liquid coolant turned them into icicles, Gully Foyle stepped out, pulled out his Wyatt Earp and with a badass look in his eye spoke:
"Asta La Vista, baby." He fired and the two shattered into a million gory pieces. The others came out to look and Hurricane patted Foyle on the back.
"Dude, that was cool. You used that movie line from that old film... you know the one... um.... yeah, Robocop."
"Let's move on." Warlock took them back to the intersection and they went left this time.

The nine companions marched in silence through the echoing corridors for a time. As they passed by rooms where DeltaGen's had once been frozen, they lived in hope that that was all the suprises left in this place. Finally they reached the end of the corridor and found a stairwell labelled "To SL-2".
"We still going?" Lisa asked. Warlock and Diesel had already begun descending the stairs, so the question was moot.

They exited the stairwell and were on SL-2. Here they found a more detailed map of the facility. Each Sublevel was constructed, with the exception of SL - 1, in a circular form. From the stairwell, the path led west, then north, then east, and then south, where it would meet the stairwell to the next floor. All the main rooms adjoined to these main corridors.
"Interesting design," Reef pointed out, "if you were in a rush to get in or out, you'd have a real pain of a time. Each floor is designed to make you walk all the way around to get to the next one."
"There might have been a faster way when it was built, but I guess we're stuck as pedestrians." Byron noted.
They began walking and got to the first turn and began heading north. On the left wall, there were glass panes and light coming through.
"A still active area?" Eva asked.
"Lets see," Diesel found a door and they entered the room. Rows upon rows of benches were in the room with lights above them and deutrithium steel benches at the far end.
"Looks like a mess hall." said Techi.
"No, its a bowling alley, of course its a mess hall." A synthesised voice yelled at them from beyond the benches. Taken aback, only Diesel and Warlock didn't take 5 steps towards the exit. These two walked forward and looked to see who had spoken. As they approached, a human-like creature wearing a dirty white apron walked out and came to face them.
"Who are you?" Warlock asked.
"I'm CHEF."
"Yeah CHEF. What, you work here and you never seen ol' CHEF before. Geez. I'm a Cybernetic Helper for Experimental Facilities, or CHEF for short. I manage the Mess Hall here, which Sherlock there figured out."
"Ah, ok. Well CHEF, I don't work here, I've just arrived. But I would like to meet any other employees around here, have you seen any?"
"Well, now that you mention it, I rang the lunch bell and no one came."
"And when was that?"
"Oh... would've been about 190 years ago."
"Riiiiggghhhhtt..... and this doesn't seem at all strange to you?"
"Well the science boys around here get distracted pretty easily. I'm sure once they're done with what they're doing their stomach's will tell em better than my bell will. They eat at such odd hours around here, but they eat like starving men."
"I'm sure you're right. Where would we find these science boys?"
"Oh, SL-3 and 4, thats where they hang out."
"Much obliged, we'll head down there and remind them about their meals."
"Well, hang on there, can't let ya go on an empty stomach, the boss would scrap me for that. I was hoping for some fresh Roach and Swampgrass 2 centuries ago... those delivery boys are gonna catch some hell for this I tell ya, errr... anyway, here's some Choc Choggers to keep your strength up. And you boys head back this way later and I'll fix you up something from the canned goods range."
"BOYS?" Eva protested, and grabbed her boobs, "What do you call these then?"
"Implants." CHEF replied. Eva's face matched her red hair, and Hurricane had to drag her back out into the hall before she unleashed Rei, her Soulcluster.
"Thanks CHEF, catch ya later." Diesel waved as the 9 exited.
"Right, better get cracking on dinner then...."

At that moment, just outside Tech Haven,

The members of JERK's, having left Twilight Guardians behind, were arriving at Tech Haven. The kind Fallen Angels allowed them access. But just as Murkster was about to enter he noticed a Reveller hauling ass across the mountains. Grabbing a scope, he checked who the driver was.
"Guys... isn't that Edwards?"
"Where?" Shadow grabbed another scope and saw for himself, "It is her. Where's she going in such a rush?"
"Only thing in that direction is Regant's Fortress." Elias, representative of Tech Haven said.
"Not the only thing..." .cylon pointed out.
"Seems our visit to Tech Haven has been cut short. JERK's, we're bailing. We make for Neocron this night." Chiphead yelled. They began another forced March, this time south, to alert Neocron that the queen bitch was roaming the wastelands.
"Strange though Shadow," .cylon said as they hurried on, "she's there, but where's her minions?"

NERD Editor
22-06-03, 12:13
Back at Dome of York,

"So Megaman and Cassandra took off together already?" Psycho Killa asked.
"Yes, yesss... er... They had to hurry, but insisted that you follow on. Here, take NUBI along with you and proceed to Regant's Legacy as quick as you can. I shall prep a squad of DeltaGens to follow you." Sid said.
"Okay, NUBI's you're with us. CDV, lets cause some chaos!" They all cheered as only stupid minions can and marched out the gate. The gate closed behind them and none were the wiser. It wasn't till the Defender bots and pop-up turrets opened fire that they realised they were betrayed.
"We are betrayed!" Psycho yelled, and a corpse turned in his grave.
"Yess.... Precious... they must all dies. They will dies, tricksy CDV. CDV never tells anyones the truth. Dome of York is better off without CDV (Big Red Subtitles slam down "HALELUJIAH BROTHER!!!"). Now diess" And thus the battle of the Dome vs. CDV began.


NUTS exited the 2nd stairwell with a degree of difficulty. The stairwell door was magnetically sealed and had to be disabled, but once that was done they entered the Lab section of the Legacy. Immediately they were confronted by turrets bursting from the ceiling and opening fire, all the while the lights going red and a siren going off.
"I'm guessing we're not supposed to be here." Reef pointed out. Warlock and Diesel used Energy Halo's to disable the electrical circuits and trash the turrets. Lisa had caught a few plasma rounds but Eva took care of some quick healing.
"A lot more security on this level." Techi noted to Diesel and Warlock.
"Probably gets worse the lower we go." Diesel opined.
"Weapons out everyone," Warlock called to the rest, "that wasn't too bad, but I think we've just crossed into the part of the facility that actually matters." They armed up. They moved through the different labs, examining the state of everything. The top two floors had been fairly neat and clean, aside from centuries of dust and cobwebs. This floor however was filled with scattered debris and broken windows, and it was not from the turret fire earlier. Many labs showed what appeared to be experiments in progress, and seemed to have been left unattended, as if the scientists had had to run all of a sudden. A few even had dried blood on glass shards.
"Ok, theory time," Reef stopped them mid-march, "why was the Legacy abandoned in the first place?"
"I think we're starting to see some of that. Would explain why this levels stairwell was sealed." Hurricane suggested.
"Ok so something went wrong on this level, and the levels above sealed it off. That would explain why it was clean upstairs, but... where are the skeletons?" And it was true. Though there was chaos and some blood, there were no bodies.
"Maybe everyone on this floor got out and then sealed it?"
"Maybe... lets keep going, I'm curious now." Warlock sneered. He knew all to well the lure of a good exploration.

As they carried on towards the next stairwell, there began to be a theme amongst the labs. The experimentation rooms all had large hermatically sealed chambers with a vial inside, roughly 2 metres high and a metre wide (thats roughly 6 and a half feet by 4 feet for our American readers). What was unnerving was that all the chambers were cracked. The other rooms had boards and displays and notes, each pertaining to a Project they called "The Cells", a project designed to create "an autonomous bio-engineered weapon capable of working in any environment" that could "achieve a state of controlled Mitosis by using any on-hand organic materials". None of those present truly understood what that meant. They only ascertained that it was a living weapon.
"SL-4 is the testing level. If my guess is right, this may be where the problems sourced from. We may be walking into some trouble here folks." Warlock declared. The others gripped their weapons, and they proceeded to SL-4.

Back in Neocron,

The jubilation came to a screeching halt when JERK's, no longer bearing the colours of TG, were escorted by NDA to CityAdmin through the party-goers. The realisation that something was up suddenly hung around their necks like a noose. Reza received Shadow, with a half dozen STORM bots in the room.
"Well Shadow, I'll be more happy to see you once you've signed back up with a city faction."
"And that will happen sir, but I bring news that couldn't wait for that."
"Very well, what is it?"
"Cassandra Edwards has been spotted making great speed towards Regants Legacy."
"WHAT? Who was with her?"
"That was what bothered us sir, she was alone." Reza couldn't have looked more puzzled, when Michael burst into the room.
"Sir, sorry to barge, but we're just getting these images from the Gate of the Dome." He patched through the transmission to the wall monitor. There they saw NUBI and CDV battling against the defenses of the Dome. And then Reza did the impossible and looked more puzzled.
"You're sure Cassandra is on her way to Regants?"
"Yes sir, I am."
"She's gone, CDV and NUBI are fighting the Dome... this is our chance! Gather the troops, we make for the Dome immediately!"
"But sir," Shadow interrupted, "should not someone go after Cassandra?"
"If we take the Dome, then she will have nowhere to go. The Legacy may have another squad of DeltaGens inside, who knows. But if she has no base to work from, nothing she finds in there will do her any good. Gather the troops..."

The Dome,

Sid was sitting back cackling away at his former allies fighting against the defences they had sworn were invincible. To add pain to their woe, Sid had a Warbot carry the Jukebox outside and threw it into their midst, with a song jammed on play. The fighters outside took cover and covered their ears.
"ARRGGGHHH, It's hideous!" One yelled.
"Its monstrous!" Another yelled.
"It's the SPICE GIRLS!!!" Psycho Killa screamed, "curse you Sid and your psychological warfare!!!" And Sid just kept on laughing.


The door showed signs of weaponsfire, which was not what they wanted to see. No lights at all worked on this floor. So the 9 travellers activated their flashlights (or dildo's) and began to walk. Everywhere they found blast damage, bullet casings and electrical scorching. Warlock, taking point, was looking along the path. This was where he was starting to worry. Still they could find no bodies, but now they were finding clothes. Shoes, labcoats, belts, underwear, but no bodies. They walked on a bit more. Warlock noted a rock in the path on the left, so navigated to steer the others away from it. He flashed his light to the right wall, noticing more damage and then back to the left. He stopped. The rock was gone. He looked around quickly and again stopped short. The wall with the damage now appeared a sleek, untarnished black wall. He took a few steps forward. Then stopped again.
"Form a circle, face outwards." He growled. Everyone formed a circle. Warlock pushed Eva into the middle, so they had 8 forming the circle and one on the inside.
"What're we looking for?" Lisa whispered.
"Not a sound." Warlock replied. They strained their ears to the silence, and then they heard it. A faint, soft, rippling sound, like shallow water running over pebbles. They looked around. Eva turned to face the other way and her foot squished in something. Warlock grabbed her arm and pulled them all out, and nodded to Lisa who fired her Pain Easer into the goo. The goo screeched and then rolled off down the corridor.
"What the hell is that?" Reef asked.
"Not time for explanations." Warlock growled again as he Firelanced the wall. The wall peeled away, morphing into a ball and rolled after the other one.
"Target anything thats pure black." He yelled.
"There's no light in here, everything's black." Foyle yelled back.
"Then shoot everything." And they did. To their horror practically every wall, surface, rock and pebble screeched and rolled off down the hall.
"Ok, time to get out of here." Byron suggested. And all would have done so, had the door behind them not been blocked by a giant blob of black goo that was actually growling at them. Warlock, Hurricane and Diesel stepped forward and blasted it with Energy Halo's. It rolled back but otherwise just seemed angry, not hurt.
"Yes, lets." Fire Halo's came out and they lit it up. It screeched at them and then seemed to lose its form, sliming outwards across the floor.
"Ahhh good, so lets..." and then the goo reformed. It reshaped back into a giant ball.
"Oh give us a break!" Diesel groaned.
"Stand back!" Reef yelled as he and Gully launched Kami-drones at the blob. They impacted and detonated. The ball of goo smattered all over the corridor. No one was going to ask the question. They just waited and watched. And to their dismay, like something out of the movie that Hurricane can't remember the name to, the bits rolled back across the room and reformed. Lisa stepped forward with her Pain Easer, but nearly lost her grip in shock as the goo formed into.... her! It took female form and stood like a mirror image, pointing a Pain Easer made out of goo at them all. And then it fired. Bullets of goo shot out and struck Gully on the arm.
"Arrrggghhh.... its burning! My skin is burning!" He tried to scratch the goo off, but it just began to burn his fingers as well. Warlock, not one to worry about such things, aimed his Firelance at Foyle and set him on fire. The others looked on in dismay, but the goo screeched and fell to the floor, only to roll back across the floor and rejoin Lisa the Goo. Eva put Gully out and healed him.
"So.... run?" Warlock asked. The others nodded. And they ran. Lisa the Goo reformed into a ball and began chasing after them like a giant boulder in an Indiana Jones movie. Whoever could lobbed fire down the hall to slow it down but it was only gaining in strength as it began to merge with the other goo that had been sitting dormant in the corridor. Lisa pulled out a grenade and lobbed it down the hall. It turned out to be a life saver as out of the darkness another giant boulder was rolling towards them. The grenade detonated, blasting that boulder to bits, allowing them just enough time to pass before it added to the mass of the one behind. The stairwell was in sight and they all fired off as much fire damage as they could. Gully reached the door first and swung it open. The others hauled ass through the door and Reef helped Foyle slam it shut and seal it. The boulder crashed into the wall but it held strong.
"Ohhhh crap, I wanna go home." Eva gasped.
"I think we know what The Cells are now." Warlock seethed.
"But that was huge, it looked like way too much to fit into those vials we saw upstairs."
"You're forgetting the other part," Warlock saw they were all looking for an explanation so he gave one, "we were wondering why there were no bodies, and you're wondering why there's more of that goo than could have been in the vials. The one is the answer to the other. The documents upstairs said that The Cells were an autonomous bio-engineered weapon that could achieve mitosis by using on-hand biological material. Now I get it. They use living materials to make more Cells." And it was so. The Cells were designed to be introduced, just a few microscopic cells at a time, to the Dome populace. They would then slowly ingest biological material; food, rats, peoples skin, and then multiply. And they would continue multiplying till they reached a point where they could attack an entire person and overwhelm them, and then use them to multiply further. And from there it was exponential. However, as history proved, the Dome was not the target The Cells ended up attacking. Before any genetic conditioning could be done to inhibit The Cells from attacking their creators, they broke free from a Testing room, just a few microscopic cells at a time. They hid as dust, as pipes, as anything they wanted to be till they were strong enough to overpower a guard, and from there... the rest was history.

"What do we do then? The exit is that way." said Byron.
"We have more grenades and kami drones, we could fight our way back to the exit, seal it up and get out of here." Lisa suggested.
"It would take time to get past the door when we re-open it. They'll be on the other side. We'd have to prepare." Reef explained. They were about to begin to prepare when Warlock started pushing them down the stairs.
"This stairwell isn't sealed, look!" And they saw that, just a few specks of dust at a time, The Cells were coming through an air vent overhead. The nine ran like Carl Lewis on Vitamin Supplements.

NERD Editor
22-06-03, 12:14
Outzone Station,

"You know the mission, move out and end this war before it begins!!!" Reza had one good trait, his corny, uplifting speeches did the trick. Fired up, the forces of Neocron set out in whatever vehicles they could muster towards the Dome to destroy all they found there. At their current speed they would arrive in 90 minutes.

The Dome again,

CDV were being pressed further and further back. They had destroyed the Jukebox but Sid had upped the odds by releasing a wave of BETA Warbots against them. Things were not looking good.

Just outside Regants Legacy,

Cassandra skidded to a halt, crushing a Slimeworm in her wake. She saw footprints heading in and knew that NUTS were already inside. She walked to a nearby boulder, and dusted off a few rocks. She then tapped her finger in a sequence, and the boulder lifted up to reveal an elevator door that opened for her. She stepped inside, and it descended.


The Nine quickly remembered that this level was Command and Control. They ran towards the main room and entered it, closing the door as best they could.
"This won't buy us long." Hurricane panted.
"I know, but even a little time is better than none." Warlock leaned up against the glass, feeling his energy draining fast. Hope had apparently decided to pitch a tent on SL-2 and let them go on ahead.
"Guys, look at this! There's a way out if we go down!" Reef exclaimed. The others all looked at him. Apparently Hope had caught up at last.
"These blueprints show an emergency elevator for Command Personnel on SL-7. It goes all the way to the surface!"
"Why only Command personnel?" Lisa asked.
"Well they're the only one's with access to SL-7."
"So either we need enough firepower to get past the doors or we need an access key." Byron determined.
"Seems like." Reef said.
"Hey look," Eva jumped up, "SL-7 Access key, its right here!" She reached for the black card on the desk, but Foyle grabbed her arm just in time, as the card became a claw and tried to grab her. A concentrated Fire Beam from Diesel saw the blob of goo cooked to perfection. It was solid this time, so they threw it down the corridor.
"Seems energy pisses them off, fire can bake them and slow them down and bullets don't do squat." Diesel groaned.
"And considering the notes upstairs, since they're designed for all regions, I doubt radiation is gonna work either." Techi noted.
"So its explosives all the way." Reef grabbed his Missile Drone.
"Ok, this is helpful. SL-6 is sealed off from 5. So they're not below this level. If we get there we can seal these black boogers up here and just head for the elevator." Warlock got up and the others followed. With Hope back alongside, they walked back into the main corridor. That was when the wall behind them erupted and a tidalwave of The Cells burst forth. It was running time again. Everyone who had fire started lobbing it behind them. They ran as if they were EGOS down that corridor. As they saw the end, there was a door. Foyle was about to sprint forward to open it for them when Lisa grabbed a grenade from her belt and hurled it forward. The door morphed backwards and then catapulted the grenade back at them. They dived out of the way and it shot into the approaching mass, exploding and stopping its advance. The three APU monks let loose with fire and cooked the rubbery door, and another grenade removed it from their path. The nine charged through and went into the stairwell, sealing the gate and The Cells behind them.

The Dome,

The Forces of Neocron arrived to see the beaten members of CDV still struggling for their lives. Old rivalries were set aside as the forces linked together to engage the Dome. Yet Sid did not open the gates to dispatch any more units. 2 squads of BETA Warbots and a few turrets were all that was still defending against hundreds of well armed runners. Within half an hour the bots were no more and the forces of Neocron marched on the gate. They only hesitated when Sid's voice burst from a loudspeaker.
"Wells...Precious, they comes. All the peoples of Neocron's they does. To takes our homes aways from usss...Yesss. Go now, leave Precious alone!"
"Sid? Open up in the name of Neocron. Do it now or we'll kick that door and your ass up your throat." Zane Shadowfall had been up front in the assault, and his words pleased his fellow fighters.
"Ohhh dears, how politely this ones asks. Wells then we must not be rude, Precious. No, we will sings him a rhyme!"
"Just how many times did your parents drop you on your head? I know Drom's don't have arms, but come on..." Zane joked. Again the others laughed.
"Roses are Red,
Violets Are Blue.
If I drop this Bomb,
Whats that make you?" Sid sang to them. They stopped laughing. A port on a mountain behind the Dome opened up and the warhead of a short range missile poked out. Reluctantly, the Forces of Neocron took CDV into custody and withdrew from the Dome.


Having sealed The Cells away again, NUTS took a break to enjoy the snacks they had been given.
"Thanks CHEF." was about all they could say as they chowed down on 190 year old chocolate. It was actually pretty good.
Once their energy returned they moved on, and there they found the Armoury. Not ones to assume anything, they geared back up on grenades and any other explosive weapons they could find. Then they marched on through the Sixth Circle. They reached the stairwell and descended once more.
"How deep are we anyway?" Reef asked.
"I'd say we're a mile down." Gully replied.
"What makes you say that?"
"Just a guess. See the rocks they carved the stairwells out of when we're in the stairwells? Thats seriously compressed rock. If we're not a mile down, then I'm not a geologist."
"You're not a geologist." Diesel remarked.
"Ah well...."

They emerged into SL-7 to find a maximum security gate in front of them. To their considerable joy, they found two dead bodies. One was dressed in a Scientist jacket, he had a SL-7 passcard in his hand. The other was a Security Guard with a gun in hand. From what they could determine, the Scientist had made it this far with a stolen card and was trying to gain access to the emergency elevator. The Guard, who probably didn't know what was going on up above, had shot him. Unfortunately, when SL- 5 was sealed off, he was trapped, and being a Security Guard he did not know about the Emergency elevator. Hence he had starved to death alongside the scientist whom he shot; ironically the one man who could have saved his life. The members of NUTS, not taking any chances, checked around for any black surfaces, just in case their theory about the deaths was accurate. But the fact that the bodies had not been processed was fairly convincing proof. They used the card and gained access to SL-7. Lisa, overjoyed to be getting out of the hellhole, stepped through first and was promptly shot for her eagerness by the awaiting Cassandra.

The Dome again,

Sid, elated with his scare tactic to get rid of Neocron's assault force, overjoyed at having taken the mighty Megaman out and over the moon at now being the Lord of the Dome, decided to call Cassandra and share his good fortune.

And back to SL-7,

Lisa's wound was a uranium round to the shoulder. Eva would have taken care of it in an instant, but could not make a move with Cassandra there. The nine stood and glared at the Queen Bitch of the Wastelands.
"My my, you made it all the way down here, I'm impressed. I'd often thought of coming inside to find out about the suprise that Regant left in here, but hadn't had the time. Though as you can see, I know an easier way down." Cassandra smirked.
"There's 9 of us and only one of you. What makes you think you've won?" Reef growled
"Because CDV and 2 squads of DeltaGens will be here in the next two minutes. Lay a finger on me and you'll never survive this. Under the circumstances I'll be generous and just have you removed from my property. Consider it an act of charity."
"Your property? You just said you'd never been in here."
"True, but I am the only one who knows WHAT is in here."
"You mean you WERE the only one. We know about The Cells now." Reef looked her hard in the eyes. He wasn't sure if he should be happy about the fact she looked confused.
"What ever are you talking about... I'm talking about this behind me." And she pointed to a massive machine. It was a giant pump station, with 6 pistons channelled into the ground. At the top of each piston was an impact hammer to drive the pistons down. Reef looked noticably worried.
"What is it?"
"A Seismic Wavefront Generator. I believe you know what that means." The horrified look on Reef's face told her he did. Reef had been able to study many parts of the Ceres Discs, and this was one part that had chilled his mind and soul.
"No... it can't be, you can't use it... not the SWG!! SWG will be the death of all Neocron!!" (Big Red Subtitles slam down "SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!") "We have to stop her!" The others went to charge her.
"With the press of this button, I can destroy the entire city of Neocron and everyone in it. One more step, and I will." Cassandra leaned over a big yellow button on the control panel. They stopped. All of a sudden Cassandra's communicator sprung to life.
"Cassssandra." Sid called.
"Yes? Sid where are my troops, the should have arrived by now."
"Your troopsss are now my troops. Your mother is now gone. I control the Domes, yes Preciousss... You loses!!" Cassandra went pale.
"Don't speaks bitchesss... I woulds be findings somewhere to hides if I's was u. Cause I R L337 Precious.. I ROXXOR UR BALLZ!!! YESSS!!" Cassandra smashed her communicator to the ground. With tears in her eyes and vengeance in her heart, she slammed her fist down on the button and the pistons shot at a speed beyond that of sound deep into the earth. The ground split, the earth shook and the walls shuddered.


The first of the troops were returning, downcast. Reza took the news that Sid now controlled the Dome as good and bad. He knew Sid would launch a war, but at least he was not Cassandra. Cassandra knew every dirty trick Neocron could pull, Sid was just genocidal. He was about to head for his office when the entire city quaked. Windows shattered, walls broke, but the city stood.

Tech Haven, Twilight Guardians, Military Base and Dome of York,

Everywhere felt a massive and resounding earthquake. Walls broke, foundations weakened, but the cities remained.


Giant cracks in the walls formed and the entire facility felt like it was a deck of cards. Cassandra looked around her in dismay; something had not gone right.
"Why?? Just let me have my vengeance!! WHY!!!" Only she knew to whom she was screaming, she and him. But her scream for vengeance turned to just a scream, as a giant blob of pure black goo oozed out of a fizzure in the ceiling and her very flesh was stripped away.
"Time to leave?" Warlock turned to the others.
"Yeah." They all nodded. And they all ran. They ran for the elevator and boarded it. The goo was too busy mealing down on the late Cassandra Edwards to pursue them and they travelled 1.3 miles back to the surface (Gully got a pat on the back for that). When they reached the surface, they smashed the controls to the elevator.
"Well at least The Cells are stuck down there." Hurricane breathed a sigh of relief, and they set course back to Neocron to see the damage. Warlock however stood and looked on in despair at Regants Legacy. For there was a giant crack that had opened up and had allowed the nearby river to flood into the facility. And sure enough: The water around the facility had turned a pitch black colour.

Reza's Office

The Nine reported in, not too happy to be standing in the same office with JERK's but under the circumstances they said nothing.
"So, what was that?" Reza asked.
"Poisoning the wells." Reef replied.
"Excuse me?" Shadow looked at him funny.
"Cassandra unleashed the SWG mechanism. The theory is that you create a tectonic shockwave that will destroy a small city. However, what she didn't realise is that that technology is supposed to be mobile, a small one piston device. The one in the Legacy had 6 stationary pistons."
"So what did it do?" Reza asked, now physically showing signs of concern.
"As I said, it poisoned the wells. Back in ancient times, if an attacking force looked like it was going to take your town, you abandoned it, but you poisoned the wells so that the land was unusable. It's the ultimate act of spite. Regant designed this machine along the same lines. If Neocron had ever been close to losing the Ceres War he would have used it," Everyone looked at him even more intensely, "I had seismic analyses done. The device has begun a chain reaction. As we know at the end of the 3rd World War, a great deal of tectonic shifting took place, completely altering the face of our world. The SWG device is designed to accelerate that tectonic chaos so that the planets crust will rip itself to pieces."
"How bad can it get."
"It couldn't get any worse. The planets tectonic plates will crush each other. All land masses will be destroyed and ultimately our entire planet is going to fall apart from the inside out. It's Armageddon." Everyone took a long silence.
"How long?" Reza was the first to speak.
"Our estimate is 365 days." Byron answered.
"So, we have 1 year to either figure out how to stop this, or to find a way off the planet." Shadow looked gloomy.
"Yes. I don't think this should be kept under wraps. If the people know, maybe they'll be more motivated to work to a solution." Michael suggested.
"Agreed. I'll spread the word in a few hours. Thank you gentlemen. I'm sure you could all use some rest. We have a long year ahead of us." They departed from his office.
"Great," Eva sighed, "one year to either revive the entire space program to a point its never been before, or stop an entire planet from shaking apart. Well here's my bright side. Things couldn't possibly get any worse..." And Warlock clenched his teeth.

D minus 365 days.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
25-06-03, 13:27
NERD Issue # 041

What The Hell Is Going On?

A lot has happened these past few months. Where once there was a Neocron where almost nothing happened, now there is a countdown to Armageddon. Where once there were 12 factions , now there are twelve factions, numerous warring clans an a genocidal lunatic in charge of the worlds largest army talking to himself. It can be a little confusing, so lets take a moment to recap just what directly the funky munky is going on...

The City of Neocron:

This place is the centre of all hate. Everyone and their pet Warbot is heading here to beat the doors down, slaughter the populace and pull Reza's head from his shoulders to use as a chip 'n' dip serving bowl for their next coctail party. Reza is still in charge but he's holding on by a very thin thread. The city has survived an all out assault by Dome of York through the use of two Cold Fusion missiles, a sabotage attempt by Cassandra Edwards directed to the main power grid and a planetary earthquake triggered by the same Miss Edwards. The city has stood the test of time not by the strength of its leadership but by the strength of its people. The recent additions of the Mech's and FireWreathes to its arsenal have helped stem the destruction, although less successful inventions like the X-borgs have done plenty to undo that success. Only time will tell if the city will survive.

The Dome of York:

Still a mystery to most. The average runner can only hear the name and wonder, when can I go there? (Big Red Subtitles slam down "WHEN??? WHEN???"). It has gone through some serious leadership changes of late. First it was led by a guy in serious need of a tan who took his orders from a growling voice over a comm channel. He obviously had a lot of faith, since every time someone with a deep voice calls me over the link its because they want rough sweaty butt-sex or are part of some neo-mutant cult... I need an unlisted apartment... anyway. Once this moron of faith was deposed by plasma, Cassandra Edwards, assited by CDV and NUBI took over. She lasted a few weeks, generally gloating and scheming and plotting a lot of revenge. Some people need to just join a club or something... maybe take up knitting, I hear its very therapeutic. However, the Day of the Quake saw Cassandra, well, turned into a light snack by The Cells (more on them later). As a result, Insidious Wolf (or Sid) and his Precious (don't ask) are now the joint leaders of the Dome (hooray). The Dome does possess a lot of short range defensive weapons and the most powerful land based army ever assembled. Should the Dome ever put forth its hand in the pursuit of war again, Neocron will be supremely lucky to survive the experience.

Twilight Guardians:

Its still a craphole. I mean come on lets face it. Its essentially the kind of place that would have been used as a landfill 700 years ago. But despite its fungus, dust and the smell of over-worn socks, TG is still home to some of the most militant freaks we've ever seen. JERK's called it home once upon a time, but it didn't last. They never really fit in, so they went back home to Neocron and to Tangent Technologies. This has left TG in the hands of a few major clans and a handful of unclanned runners. The main story of Neocrons fate has not involved TG very much, but that is soon to change.

Tech Haven:

The big blue sterile hole in the ground. You often feel like you walked into a medical lab, except in a lab you'd actually find people. Our story began there, with the war of ASS, SODOM and NUBI battling it out. But that war moved to new locations, and for the longest time Tech Haven has been deserted. Now however, life has begun to spring back into it. Fallen Angels has been the long time home of DarK, who will very soon enter the great wheels of this story, and of TecH, who have risen and fallen and risen in power too times to be counted. What part they will play in the coming storm, only time will tell. For now, they can continue to stare at their hypnotically blue walls, and wonder about the greatest question of all time: Would Tech Haven suit pastels?

Military Base:

The Military Base has also not featured much into our story. This is essentially because a.) our story has always rushed past them and b.) it is not their time. The Base was besieged many months ago and was overrun by Dome of York forces, but was then retaken in the same day. The rebuild was slow but successful. Since that time, none have dared to cross paths with the Mercs. But a time may soon come for the Mercs to step up and show their worth.


Formerly known as ASS (Against System Shock) until the destruction of their clan by ReefSmoker handing over the clan key in a duped (or doped) state to Shadow. They reformed under the banner of NEXT for many months and have fought in all the battles. They were in the battle for Neocron against the forces of Dome of York, they helped stop the battalion of DeltaGens in the battle against the traitor Cassandra, and lost a good man stopping the sabotage of the reactors of Neocron when McDanish met perma-death. His obvious statements have been sorely missed.
They also were the first to discover The Cells, the latest terror to rampage the Wastelands, and were witnesses to Cassandra dooming the planet when she activated the SWG machine.
The members and numbers of NUTS have gone all over the place. The likes of Jonavan, Deo, Crono and Trillian have moved on or disappeared, whereas others like Lisa, Reef, Hurricane, Warlock and Eva have remained. Though not the most powerful clan ever, it is filled with perhaps the most unlikely crew of people ever brought together by strange circumstance. Say what you will about them, but they're just nutty enough to be interesting.


Formerly SODOM (we don't really know what it stands for), they have relentlessly pursued a war with ASS/NUTS for as long as the Pluto realm has existed. This raging war between the two has been well documented and the reasons explored. At first it seemed that the cause was simply a territorial fight over Soliko and Eastgate, but further investigation turned up some traumatising incidents in their childhood including stolen weed, breast implants and an assortment of other tales you can look up on your own. Whether the war between these two will ever end is yet to be seen. But rest assured, they both have a part to play in the coming year.


Dead and buried. This was never really a clan. It was Sid surrounded by no name weenies who thought it was cool to be around a guy who talks to himself. After Sid had the guns of DoY attack his former clan, I don't think they're gonna find it so cool anymore.


What the hell happened to these guys? The Corpse [censored by KK] Canadians seem to have disappeared off the face of the Plutonian Earth. And I had such high hopes for them too...


For guys who are supposed to just watch and fix things they do an exceeding amount of meddling don't they? Especially those 1st Circle guys... They should all be shot, courtmarshalled and sent to the Yorkist front, not necessarily in that order (except Laemin, he's nice, he should be made President). The 2nd Circle EGOS are not in this story much, and there's a reason for that. 2nd Circle guys are actually the ones who do all the work, and get very little of the credit. I suppose I should do a tribute story to them.... nahh. I prefer making them look like pants thieves ;)


The enigmatic creators and destroyers of the world around us. Their agenda is dictated by the Power That Is: MJS. Their motive is unclear, but their methods are harsh. One can only hope that through the turmoil, they will live up to their motto of "Building Better Worlds".

NERD Editor:

The hardest working, and worst paid writer in the history of humanity. Broke his fingers around Issue 7 so had them replaced with steel plated matchsticks for easy key pressage. Must really invest in voice recognition software.... Ah well. His Mission: To Entertain. His Motive: To be recognised as a source of entertainment. His Goal: To cause the Mods pain.


Gluttons for punishment


The King to the Realm of Gluttons for Punishment, but makes a kickass Cheeze Sandwich with Roach legs.

The Cells:

An ammoral killing machine. Everything it kills makes it stronger and so far no weapon can make them weaker. They are coming, and what change they will bring, only I know for sure ;)

So, sit right back and I'll tell you a tale, a tale of fun and war,
Cause after all, my loyal NERDs, you always ask for more.
Of Armageddon, Sid and death, of balls of pitch black slime,
But all of this will, I's sorry to say, will wait for now Until Next Time...

NERD Editor
30-06-03, 15:53
NERD Issue # 042

The CEO Device

D minus 364 days

"All by myself.... don't wanna be... All By MYSELFF... just need ta be... ALL BY MYSELF... Duet with Precious... ALL BY MYSELF..." 24 hours after evicting everyone from Dome of York and Sid was starting to feel the isolation. Having already sung 18 verses of Henry the 8th, dropping 998 bottles off the wall and having named ever spitwad on the ceiling of his cell, Sid had resorted to duets with Precious. It was not a pleasant experience.

After the duets timing wore off (Precious is a bit tone deaf you see) Sid began patrolling the halls. After that he went to inspect the sleeping DeltaGens. After that he updated his diary for the day (the entire page was covered in the word BORING).

And then he snapped...

He took control of two Defender bots outside and threw a giant ball in between. He then began playing a giant game of Pong with them. When that got boring he started lobbing short range missiles at a nearby cliff, trying to draw a smiley face in it. And when the smiley face turned into a Picasso he started twiddling his thumbs.

And then, at the absolute moment of desperation, when Sid had picked up a bucket of paint, dolloped some on the wall and was getting comfortable to watch it dry, MJS appeared.

"SID!!!" He thundered. The walls shook, the heavens groaned and the sky's darkened. Sid turned to look at him.
"Shhhhh" He then went back to looking at the paint. MJS was naturally dumbfounded. He then kicked Sid in the back of the head and got his attention.
"Okay fine, who are you and why do you want to die so badly?" Sid started reaching for his Holy Pestilence.
"I am The Creator!!!"
"Okay Mr. The Creator, time to die now." And Sid engulfed him in poison. MJS just shook his head in total disbelief and shrugged the poison off. Sid was unamused.
"Oh a tough guy eh? Well put em up!" And Sid put his fists up for a fist fight. MJS raised a single index finger and touched Sid on the chest. He flew through 3 walls and ended up in a poorly cleaned latrine. Then with a snap of his fingers the defiled Sid re-appeared in front of him.
"Dude... you suck."
"SILENCE!!!!" MJS raged. Precious whispered in Sid's ear and he shut up.
"I am MJS," finally Sid understood, "for decades the ruler of Dome of York has served me. As you have quite convincingly seized power, I offer you the same opportunity. Serve me and your power shall grow tenfold. Defy me and watching paint dry will be a welcome break to the misery you shall endure."
"Hmn... so whats the pay like?" MJS sent him back to the latrine for a while. When he returned:
"Okay, geez, not the joke loving type are ya?"
"I'm talking to you aren't I?" (MJS 1, Sid zip)
"May I have a week to think on your offer?" Sid asked.
"I shall grant you this request. I will return this time next week for your answer." MJS turned to go. Sid suddenly spotted a device in the back pocket of MJS's Armani Powerarmour. Just before he vanished, he lunged forward and snatched it out and then MJS was gone.

And so it was that Sid was left all alone with the CEO device. He looked at the long title on the top "Cease Every Operation" and thought on that for...oh... 1 millionth of a second. Cause at that point he noticed it had a big Red Button. His eyes bugged, his mouth watered, and his finger dived for the button. Then he convulsed and with an invisible hand tried to pull his finger away
"Must.... push ... Da ... BUTTON!!!"
"No, no don't push, could be bad!"
"But its big and RED. It Must Be PUSHED!!!"
"It could have terrible effects!!"
"Since when do big Red Buttons do anything bad??" (Big Red Subtitles Slam Down "DUMBEST STATEMENT EVER!!!")
"Hmn... can't argue with that statement." (Big Red Subtitles Slam Down "WE SPOKE TOO SOON!!") And then his finger crashed into the red button and an almost orgasmic look overtook his face. And then the device disapeared. Sid looked at his hands, then he looked at the ceiling as it vanished. Then the walls as they vanished. Then the rest of the city was gone.

In fact, everyone began to have the same problem. Screams resounded as the floor disappeared and people fell through the landscape. Gogo's disappeared, inventory's vanished and a giant void consumed the world.

Alternate Universe: Saturn

Betty stands on the top of Soliko as the world starts vanishing from the bottom up.
"I don't get paid enough for this sh..." he vanished without a trace.

Alternate Universes: Jupiter, Venus and Urarse...err.. Uranus

The worlds crumbled and collapsed as the void consumed them all.

What had happened? The CEO Device has the ability, with the touch of a button (after all if you're going to end all existence, you should be able to do it with an easy press button) to shut down the SERVERS (Society's in Electronic Reality Vying for Ego, Respect and Sex) and thus destroy the very reality we live in.

And that my friends is where the horror started...

Chris opened his eyes very slowly. It was quite difficult for some reason. He then tried to uncrouch by extending his legs same as always, but this didn't seem to do anything. When his eyes finally opened he realised he was lying on the ground. Panicked that he had died he looked around for a monk to ressurect him, but he was in a zone that was totally unfamiliar to him. He tried to get a lock on a Generep but could not find the etherial interface. He wanted to scream... and he did... and suddenly feared that CheapLoveMotel would Temp Kick him for talking while dead, but no EGOS boot of doom was forthcoming. He couldn't understand this, when he tried to move.. and could! With great difficulty he managed to get to his feet.
"What is this? Did I lom my agility? Gravity seems to be worse... Ugh I feel like I've got 99% synaptic impairment"
"Chris? Is that you moving around? Get your lazy ass downstairs, your mother's going shopping and you can help." A voice yelled.
"Mother? Wha???" With considerable agony, he hobbled down the stairs. Two faces, only slightly familiar greeted him.
"Oh my, how long have you been at it this time?" the female responded. She looked like a Private Eye but seemed to have a more detailed appearance.
"I tell you, he just doesn't know when to stop. Well some fresh air will do you good. Off you go." the burly male responded. He had the build of a GenTank, but not the vacant dumbass look.
"Ok, I'll just get my anti radiation armour." Chris replied.
"Heh, nice try son, but time for a dose of reality." Chris decided to follow the Private Eye out the door, rather than ask what the Tank meant by that. The woman stepped out the door and he followed on. Suddenly he was struck with an indescribable pain and fell to the ground in agony.
"That!! That Evil Lightbulb in the sky!! It Burns!!!"
"Oh dear, you really need to stop this. You'd think you'd never been exposed to natural light before, although the way you play thats almost the truth."

Chris walked for some time through the unfamiliar city landscape. As he walked he could only wonder... is this some Dome of York trick?

They reached a 'Supermarket' and the 'mother' figure began loading a trolley with items. Never before had Chris been in a store with such selection. He did wonder where the weapons vendors were, but was impressed nonetheless. After what seemed like days they reached the npc's who were suprisingly animated, although their dialogue was just as repetitive as ever.
"That'll be $32.98 thank you." the female npc asked. Chris leaned forward to open a trade window by touching the npc's chest and was promptly bitchslapped.
"I'm experiencing a sensation altogether new to me. And frankly, I Love It!" Chris responded (Mystery Science Theatre 3000: The Move, Copyright, pay up!!!). His mother apologised for his behavior, successfully initiated trade and then directed him to remind him that this is why he doesn't have a girlfriend, although the female npc seemed to be turning a shade of red. The Mother figure told him to carry the goods. He added them to inventory and tried to walk.
"Arggghhhh... what am I a Monk? My Free Load is gone! I can barely walk."
"Oh for goodness me dear, go to the gym once in a while." His mother took some of the bags and they walked on.

Later that day, as the lightbulb in the sky began to go away, Chris was sitting at his HomeTerm, feeling the after effects of his strange Wasteland hike with such low Free load. He had been coated in a strange fluid which The Mother had called sweat. He felt so strange and confused. Nothing made sense anymore. And his Hometerm was of no help at all. It just kept displaying this 'Synchronising' message.

3 days later...

Chris was in absolute agony. His stomach was turned inside out. He had gotten hungry 2 days ago so had gone to the alley, killed a rat (which was suprisingly small) with a breadknife (obviously not double sharpened) and had eaten its Big Flesh. Ever since then his stomach had been in revolt against him. This had never happened before. Flesh was supposed to heal you not poison you like an angry Swamp Shaman.

As the pain finally started to subside (The Father had handed him some protopharma goodies called Paracetamol) he looked at the Hometerm. It had changed to display a 'Login Screen'. Curious, Chris activated this screen and it moved to a Universe selector.
"Pluto... 172" He clicked Enter, and miraculously it moved to a mugshot screen where he could see a picture of himself. There was an arrow over his face and Chris tried to move the plastic rat but it clicked and the screen changed again.

And then there was Neocron.

Sid stood in terror at the nightmarish vision he had just had, much the same as that of Chris and the rest of the world. He threw the device to the ground and went to shiver in the corner.

We should all fear the CEO Device. When misused it casts us all into 'The Real World' a terrifying place where nothing works like it should. Let us all hope it never happens again...

Until next time...

NERD Editor
10-07-03, 03:43
NERD Issue # 043

Indiana Zane and The Mofo's of Gloom

D minus 363 days.

With the sense of dread in the air about the worlds imminent doom, spirits were at an all time low (even lower than when Betty had done a complete rendition of all of Britney Spears' songs and remixes). Using their incredible Spidersense ... err... their incredible Sixth Sense (N'ed suddenly senses the Copyright police heading to his door)... their highly evolved intuition, the EGOS decided that the populace needed a pick-me-up. Thus, they declared an event. This was of course a huge deal for the populace since, after all, events in Neocron were few and far between (Big Green Subtitles from Event GM's slam down "LAEMIN YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!!!).

Perhaps the best known instigator of events, a member of the First Circle of EGOS and all round good looker, is ZeroSanity. In this instance, Zero had decided to hold a cross-wasteland Reveller Race. All competitors were to use Revellers. They could have a driver and a gunner. The race would then begin at Jerriko Fortress. It began the moment Zero would announce their first location and the competitors would race to that location where they would receive directions to the next point in the race and so on until they reached their final unknown destination. The use of violence was acceptable, but both members of the team had to remain in the vehicle. With the rules announced, all the competitors took their positions. Zane Shadowfall of Phoenix Inc. had opted not to have a gunner, but to go it alone. All other competitors were armed and ready.
"Drivers are you set?" Zero yelled with his EGOS vocal power (hence he was heard a whopping 50 feet away). They acknowledged that they were.
"Gunners are you prepared?" The sound of gunfire into the air answered that one.
"Then drivers... your destination is..."

We won't bore you with the details of the race. After all, commentators are just glorified McDanish's (e.g. they just state the obvious). So instead, we go to the best seats in the house for their commentary on the race.

"Noo, get that freakn cloud out of the way. Move... MOVE!!! I can't see the damn race!" Laemin screamed at a cloud that was now hovering over the race. So much for the best seats.
"Dude, relax, have some sushi." MoonUnit offered. Laemin turned to look at him strangely, but he lifted up a small platter with sushi on it. Laemin just raised an eyebrow.
"Never fear, I'll deal with this!" CheapLoveMotel glanced over the edge of the Higher Plain and hauled out his NERF cannon and took aim at the cloud. Terrified at the possible results, Laemin tackled CLM, only for the cannon to fire and knock Moon's sushi out of his hand and over the edge. Moon was about to get angry, but fortunately Penzius, the current serving boy, brought him another plate. The other 2nd Circle EGOS were sitting on Apparent Chairs looking down on the race. Critter and Carbonite entered the Higher Plain and took over Laemin's space on the couch.
"So who's winning?" Carbonite asked.
"Dunno, but Moon just cost someone the race!" Excelsior answered. Everyone peered down to see why. Moon's sushi had fallen from on high, achieved terminal velocity and smashed into the windscreen of ReefSmoker's Reveller. Reef just looked at his car, looked at the sushi now splattered all over him, looked up, took one guess as to what just happened, and decided now was a good enough time for a spliff as any.
"Bahahaha. When Moon gets sushi, the result is some smashed up NUTS!" Mercuri giggled.
"Oh har har, it is to laugh," Moon replied, "Why don't you do something useful and turn into a chair so Laemin can sit down." Mercuri continued laughing, until he suddenly became a chair and Laemin sat down on him.
"Damn... why am I always on the ass end of all jokes?" Mercuri whined.
"Who are you calling a joke?" Laemin growled. Merc considered shutting up, but all of a sudden Penzius brought over a plate of Nacho's and a bowl of brocolli.
"Noooooooo...." he whimpered.
"Woah strange, NDA and JERK's are kicking each others asses. You'd think both being Tangent they'd work together." said PlasmaStorm.
"Pah, you know JERK's and NDA, if there's a prize up for grabs or something rare to be had, there's no lengths they won't go to in order to get it." Critter replied.
"Woah, wait a minute guys!" Lupus yelled, "they're coming up to the zoning line!" All the EGOS fell into a hush to see the greatest spectacle.

For those of you that don't know, a 'zoning line' is the anomaly that exists throughout the world. Long ago the world was mapped by great explorers, then it was revealed in greater detail by the use of GPS satellites. Some time after that, in order to assist in global positioning, the Federation launched satellites that would beam a low frequency energy pattern on the face of the planet in a grid pattern. This grid would then allow any electronic device to be able to know what grid it was in, and to give the user their location to within a few inches. However, during World War 3, these satellites were damaged, and as a result, they now beam a high frequency interference energy pattern onto the planet. The result of this is that anyone trying to cross from one grid to another must undergo the ordeal of 'zoning'.

The lead car was being driven by Lisa Davitt and KramerTheWeird. Closely behind them was Evangelion and Vain and behind them was Zane Shadowfall. Lisa and Kramer braced themselves and ploughed straight into the zoning line. The others followed in. Immediately they were sucked into a tunnel of light and colour. A strange high pitch whistle began playing some obscure themesong as they charged down the tunnel.
"Honey, Look out!" Kramer yelled. Lisa looked up and swerved quickly to avoid crashing into a blue Police box as it came floating past. She then swerved again as a bunch of of big trashcans with toilet plungers sticking out of the side yelling "EXTERMINATE" all the time came flying past. They breathed a sigh of relief, but it was too soon. They looked up and screamed as a giant neon word crashed into their windscreen and drew them off course. The neon 'Synchronising' logo was the greatest obstacle when crossing a zoning line. If anyone got struck by the Synchronising logo, you were in trouble.

Evangelion and Vain came screaming into the tunnel next. They narrowly avoided the police box, and Vain opened fire on the bubbletop trashcans, and with some amazing swerves, Eva dodged the Synchronising screen. But all of a sudden, the second worst obstacle was upon them. Up ahead the tunnel split into two branches. At the intersection was a roadsign that simply said 'Albequerque'.
"Oh no, I can never remember this part. Which way? Left or right?" Eva yelled.
"Right." Vain yelled. Eva swerved right and they ploughed out of the tunnel.
The Reveller materialised on the other side of the zoning line and the two breathed a sigh of relief. But then Vain looked up and just a few metres away he could see the EGOS sitting there looking at them funnily.
"What are you guys doing down here?" Vain asked.
"Look down and ask us that question." Ayreon replied. Vain and Eva looked down, and screamed as the distant ground approached them rapidly.
"I knew we should've taken that left turn at Albequerque!" Eva screamed. The Reveller smashed into the mountainside around Tech Haven and the occupants were killed. They generepped back to Neocron, only to be met by lawyers from the Estate of the Warner Brothers, wishing to discuss the unauthorised use of one of their catch-phrases.

Meanwhile, back in the light show tunnel, Zane cruised along completely oblivious to any dangers around him. He had one hand on the steering wheel, another gripped around a Warbot Cola, and had 'The Funky Chicken' blaring out of his speakers at full volume. Without realising it he took the left turn and emerged on the other side of the zoning line in first position. He then cruised on to the next target.

"Dude, Zero does a good job, this is a pretty good race," Moon replied, "want some popcorn?" He offered it to Ayreon who accepted.
"Ack... man, the butter tastes like its gone off." He spat out.
"Yeah.... the butter... that's it..." Moon looked shifty and edged away. Ayreon looked down at the popcorn and began yelling with a thunderous roar.

"Hmn... sounds like Thunder, better hurry." Zane thought to himself.

The race ended and Zane won (like you didn't see that one coming). Excitedly he received his prize from ZeroSanity.
"Here you go Zane, a completely unique set of items!" Zane nearly creamed himself as he received his... cowboy hat and bullwhip?? The look of bewilderment was priceless. Zero just looked innocent and disappeared. A few onlookers chuckled away at Zane's crappy prize. Zane felt jipped. What was he going to do with a hat and bullwhip?

For several day's Zane pondered what his prize might be useful for. At long last he came to the conclusion that there was only one way to find this out and that was to try them out in various scenarios. He donned the hat and thought to himself "well its at least a change from the normal wardrobe around here" as he looked at the depressing selection in his outfitter. He then shoved the Bullwhip in his hand and zoned to Plaza 1.

He stood in Plaza 1 and found Spanky. Spanky had stiffed Zane on the bill for a few weapons last week, and since then had been hiding under the protection of the copbots in Plaza 1. Zane wondered if maybe the whip could be used there anyway. He found Spanky and went to raise his whip but suddenly a strange Spy with a big beard ran over and waved a hand in front of his face.
"You don't want to raise that whip."
"I don't want to raise this whip." Zane looked blank.
"You want to leave and play Star Wars Galaxy."
"I want to leave and play.... hey wait a minute, I'm not THAT weak minded. Who in their right mind would play that buggy ass piece of (CENSORED)." Zane glared up and realised he was being mindtricked by the LUCASbot, an infiltrator that had been sent to weaken the minds of Neocron's faithful with flashy images and hollow promises. Zane sucked in the air and yelled at the top of his voice
"SHENANIGANS!!!!" All the copbots looked over at Zane, put away their copbot rifles and pulled out their brooms. The LUCASbot could only look on helplessly as the Copbots beat it to death with their brooms... slowly.

His experiment in plaza 1 failed, Zane went to the Military Base. He stood on a stony cliff, his hat tipped ever so slightly as he glared down a Warbot. His fingers twitched and he hauled his whip out and struck the Warbot across the face. The Warbot recoiled and then turned to look at him. Zane looked above its head and a big red 0.00000001 floated up. The Warbot then started doing a mechanical laugh before rearing its foot back and dropkicking Zane over the MB's Satellite dish.

Next, Zane went to a Worm tunnel. He crept along silently till he found what he was looking for. An Apparition was hovering there quietly. Zane lept from the shadows, reared back and whipped at the Apparition. The bullwhip passed right through it without having any effect. Again the look of bewilderment returned to his face. The Apparition moved slightly, then sent a 10 jigawatt pulse into the whip which travelled up and electrocuted Zane to a extra spicy crisp. He fell to the ground in an amount of pain that cannot be described. As for what happened then... well... if you can imagine what the sound of 1000 souls all laughing at once sounds like, you might have an idea as to what he was going through.

Rather unhappy about his lack of progress, and sulking around Plaza 3, Zane felt nature call and went to use the Toilet. As he began to do his business, he could hear discussion in the stalls behind him.
"I hate Neocron. I'm nerfed all the time."
"I hate Neocron. Life sux, I can't kill a Tank in one shot."
"Neocron sux. My monk isn't uber."
"Neocron's great, what are you talking about?" Zane called back. All of a sudden the stall doors flew open and the occupants, some of which had forgotten to zip up, emerged. Zane turned to look and realised in one horrified moment that he was pissing on his shoes. After zipping up he realised the other horrifying fact. For he realised he had entered the Dark FORUM of Whiners
"Oh you like Neocron do you? Well we got a nice Flaming instore for you!" The 5 Whiners moved forward with menace. Zane got a glimmer in his eye, tipped his hat and pulled his whip out. He cracked it a few times and made them back of a bit.
"Oooh, this one's got spunk! This is gonna be one fun flaming!" Zane decided that maybe retreat would be wiser. He turned to go when all of a sudden the door slammed shut and the locking sound was heard.
"I've warned you Whiners before, now this FORUM is Closed. Have fun wallowing in your own mess for a while." Niddhog yelled in. Zane turned around with a horrified look on his face. The Whiners just grinned.
"Don't worry. You can leave your hat on..."

For reasons of morality, hygiene and sanity, we will not discuss what happened after that. Ever. Needless to say Zane was not feeling particularly happy right now. After a mindtrick, a booting, an electrocution and a flaming, he still had found no use for his prize. He was about to throw it in a nearby crate when Eva walked by.
"Oooh, whips. Whips are wheeeeee. Give it a crack for me, please?" Half-heartedly he gave it a crack.
"Ohhh, I almost got off on that. Do it again. Harder." Zane's eyebrows raised a bit as he gave it a solid crack. Eva looked on orgasmically. All of a sudden the light of hope entered into his being.

Later in Eva's Bordello...

Wearing nothing but a cowboy hat, Evangelion was performing moves that Yoga masters would have shy'd away from, all at the motivation of a Bullwhip cracking away nearby, still in the hand of an exstatic Zane.
"Thank you Zero... this is the best Prize Ever!!!!"

And up above in the Higher Plain, MoonUnit and the other EGOS could only nod and agree.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
15-07-03, 15:45
NERD Issue # 044

Returning to Roots

D minus 355 days

10 days. Only 10 days had passed since Cassandra had doomed the planet. 10 days had been wasted, at least as far as NUTS could see. They had regathered their troops, recalled all personnel that they could and geared themselves up to the fullest. Keyser Soze had been sent on an errand to Tech Haven and Warlock the Hermit... well, he'd wandered off and was not taking calls. But the rest of NUTS were gathered in their Plaza 2 clan apartment, and were waiting. They waited and waited for some word from NEXT command as to what they were going to do.
"Ok, we've been waiting for days now. Yes, that EGOS race was fun and my whipping was fun, but now we need to work!" Eva paced around, "how long do they expect us to ...arghhh" Eva tripped over something, "damn chair..."
"That wasn't a chair," Hurricane moaned.
"Sorry Hurr," Eva reached out and rubbed his back.
"Eva, stop rubbing my ass." Lisa growled. Eva retracted her hand, glad that Lisa couldn't see her grin. None of them could see more than 2 inches in front of them. And all of a sudden, as if with one mind they all turned to where they thought the cause of the problem was seated.
"Reef, seriously, if you're gonna smoke for 8 days straight, crack a window!!" They all yelled.
"Sorry," Reef replied from behind them, and cracked a window. The smog cleared and finally they could all see again.

Finally the transmission from NEXT HQ came through to all NEXT clans.

***** Attention of: NEXT clans *****
***** From: NEXT Command *****
***** Subject: Survival *****

NEXT Clan leaders, and your associated members. NEXT have been charged with a most important and crucial mission, one that cannot fail. We have concluded deliberations with CityAdmin and the heads of other factions and have come to this agreement.
NEXT will begin the construction of 2 Nebula class Starliner Transports. These two transports will be the means by which we can evacuate the entire population of Neocron, Tech Haven, City Mercs and even the Canyon sectors. Our timeframe is simple. We must complete these craft within 300 days. After that point, planetary stability may compromise our ability to build such delicate vehicles. Once ready, the vehicles will be open to all to board, there will be no discrimination along faction lines.
CityAdmin will provide us with resources and funding. Biotech and ProtoPharma have been charged with the production of adequate cryo-units. Tangent will assist us in building the radiation shields, space drive and short range defensive weapons. Diamond Real Estate will also provide funding and resources as well as allocating cryo-units so that everyone is prepared for. The Wasteland factions that have signed on with us will be responsible for finding the resources and delivering them to either Diamond or CityAdmin. The CityMercs will provide protection for all departments during the construction. We understand Twilight Guardians and Fallen Angels will be working on another project aimed at saving the planet, but they will still supply us with the necessary resources.

All clans please report to Headquarters at the earliest possibility for assignments.

Our mission is stated, let us now carry it out.

***** Message Ends *****

"WHAT THE FREAKN HELL WAS THAT??????" Reef yelled.
"They wanna run. THATS their great plan?" Crono blurted out.
"We're not gonna just go along with this are we?" Lisa asked. And thus NUTS began a meeting. And once they cracked another window, they held the meeting. And when Keyser arrived they actually had something to talk about at the meeting.

Meanwhile in Tangent HQ...

JERK's had been given the assignment of preparing the weapons for the starships. They felt it was a worthy task, but one that would not allow them to pursue their goal of overwhelming outpost control any further. And with that gloomy thought, their name's acronym seemed a little redundant...

And so it was that with 355 days to go, the 44th Issue of NERD and the two main acronym's not being quite funny enough any more, NUTS and JERK's changed their clan names.... again.

The clan formerly-known-as-NUTS-and-formerly-known-as-ASS voted unanimously to return to their roots in Fallen Angels and assist in the Planetary Movement of Salvation (PMS).

The clan formerly-known-as-JERK-and-formerly-known-as-SODOM set their full attention to The Buiding Arks for Keeping away Armageddon Project (or The BAKA project for short).

The clan formerly-known-as-NUBI sucked too much in this story and won't be back again.

The runner formerly-known-as-Megaman-and-formerly-known-as-Kate-Moss is now serving a valuable function outside Dome of York, scaring birds away from Insidious Wolf's Milky Ren garden.

Centuri was standing around Tangent HQ, awaiting the arrival of one of his clanmates, when Chiphead walked past. At first Centuri noted it was Chiphead and thought nothing more of it, but then did a double take as he saw the JERK insignia gone.
"Chiphead, you're not a JERK anymore. What are you now?"
"I'm a DICK."
"A wha..."
"A DICK. Defending our Interests through Carnage and Kills."
"Riiiggghhhhttt... I've just got to... go...and... do... stuff. Bye." And he walked away very fast, without making eye-contact with the DICK.

The next day in Tech Haven...

Trillian was murmering something in Dajuda's ear that was making him grin in Tech Haven 1 when the elevator door swung open and Crono stepped out. Trillian gasped as she looked on at the returning GenTank.
"Can it be? Have our NUTS come to rest in Tech Haven?" Trillian looked on wide-eyed.
"No. I am NUTS no longer. From this day on, I am a FART!" The wide-eyed look quickly changed to a glance of reproach.
"Yes, Fixing the Armaggedon from Regant's Trap. FART. And here today, there will be lots of FART's in Tech Haven."
"I hope the air-con works." Dajuda mumbled.
"What?" Crono glared.
"Nothing." Dajuda made sure to keep his distance.

And thus FART's filled up Tech Haven and Tangent was full of DICK's and there were no more NUBI's and there will always be EGOS, and you can bet your ass there's always gonna be NERD's, so thats enough from this one, on to the next issue...

Until next time...

NERD Editor
20-07-03, 11:22
NERD Issue # 045

A Day In The Life of an Evil Bastard

D minus 351 days

After finishing polishing every window in the Dome for the 50th time, Sid sat back and stared at the spotlessly shiny glass.
For those who thought Sid was ... imbalanced before, 2 weeks in total isolation from all other life and made him even more insane. What was worse was now the voice of Precious in his head had started calling him 'Insane' rather than Sid. And as they sat, it began again.

"What shall we do tonight Insane?" Precious asked.
"The same thing we do every night Precious. Try to Take Over The World!!!" (Lightning crashes outside). All of a sudden the DeltaGen's start singing:
"They're Precious and Insane, They're Precious and Insane,
One is a Psi Monk, the other's in his brain.
To Prove their crazy worth, they'll overthrow the Earth,
They're Precious, they're Precious and Insane sane sane sane sane."
"DAMNIT, Stop singing that song!!!" Sid yelled. The DeltaGens remained motionless.
"So Insane, how will we take over the world tonight?"
"Well Precioussss we has had a brilliants ideass. We is goings to asks thems to surrendur!" Another lightning bolt strikes.

Now if Precious had eyes, she'd be rolling them right about now. But as she is just a figment of Sid's mind, she did the only thing she could do. And that was to send random shock pulses down his spine and cause him to crap himself.
"Why's u do thats? My idea is l337 Precious."
"Your idea sucks more than Eva." Sid looks at the camera, raises and eyebrow and smirks.
"But whys it sux? Its R L337!!!"
"They are not going to surrendur just because you ask. This plan cannot work."
"NO! I wills do its, you cannot talks me out of it!" And Sid walked to his console to demand Neocron's surrendur.
"I Urge you to reconsider!" Precious put on a serious voice.
"Hmn... Ok. I will stop." Precious would have fallen out of her chair if she had one. Who would have thought Steve Oedekirk's dumbass tactic would work.

After a heated debate, they decided that tonight, they would attempt to force Neocron's surrendur through mental torture. A torture so horrible, so barbaric, that they would have no choice but to give up.

The city speakers in Neocron activated and the volume was cranked to the max. Citydwellers could only look on in horror, or hope to reach a generep in time to get out of the city before they fell over in a spasm as the noise blasted forth:

(The Following Song "Dome of York" is done to the tune of Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York").

Startss spreadings the newzzz, I'm so l337 today,
I ams the Lords of all of its,
Dome of York, Dome of York.
These Inquisition shoes, are longings to strayss
Right through the toxic part of it,
Dome of York, Dome of York.

I want to wake up, in a city with no peeps,
And find I'm King of Hill
I R So L337!!! Yes Precious....

Those Neocron dudes, Are Goingsss to Pay,
Now I lives afar from thems,
In Old Dome of York,
If I can prepare, Neocron must beware
Of Nukes from Dome of York, Dome of York..

Dome of York, My York...
I want to wake up, in a city with no peeps,
Who needs a gun, I'm having fun,
No I'm not done, I've justss beguns...

And now for my renditionsss of Spice Girls!!!"

In a move that scored him major brownie points, Lioon Reza hit the panic button and sent the signal to all copbots to destroy all the speakers. The sound plague ended and the worst cases were hurried off to Medicare. The screeching nightmare had ended.

"An artist is rarely appreciated in his own time Insane," Precious assured Sid.
"Yeah I knows, buts they coulds have waited. I was just gettings warmed up, listens:
If you wannabe my Runner,
You gotta shoot all your friends.
Making guns is clever,
But killing is the trends...."
"Ok, yeah, I get it..." If Precious had hands she'd have them slammed over her ears. Fortunately she doesn't have ears either so the problem is solved.

Later that day there was a knock at the front gate.
"I wonders who thats could be?" Sid wondered. He walked to the gate. "Who iz its?"
"Ooohhh, Roomservice." Sid gladly opened the gate. He was a little disappointed when the door opened as a knucklesandwich wasn't what he ordered. Warlock the Hermit strode in over Sids laid out body.
"Ahh, thanks for opening up Sid, don't mind if I come on in do ya?"
"Whats do you wants?" Sid grumbled, holding his sore jaw.
"This." Warlock walked over to a sensory control and began pushing buttons. A number of dishes and arrays atop the Dome and in the surrounding regions began to come to life as Warlock began scanning for something.
"Why's is the Hermit taking liberty's with Sid's stuff? Precious doesn't likes this. What's is the little NUTS doings??"
"I'm not a NUTS anymore." Warlock growled back at Sid.
"Its nots? What is its then?"
"ARRGHHH!!! No FARTs in here, its a closed air supply! Gets out, Gets Out!!" The console dinged and Warlock breathed heavily.
"Hmn... mores the pity. Now what were you saying?" Warlock finally took a moments notice of Sid. Sid, enraged at Warlock ignoring him, and at Precious playing 'The Thong Song' in his head (yes, figments of imagination may not have hands, ears or body's, but apparently they have great subwoofers), ran upstairs to the laundry room and found one of his pairs of underwear, a pair worn for two weeks straight and still not washed. He ran to a base defense cannon and loaded the soiled garment in. Warlock had already begun walking away from the Dome, so Sid took aim at his back and fired.

Warlock, hearing the shot, slammed on his Psi Deflector in the nick of time and the evil cloth rebounded off and sailed many miles southwards. He turned to look back at the Dome and saw the open gun port. Grinning that evil grin of his that only evil grinners can grin (did that make sense?) he spun round and hauled out a Tangent Commando Rifle, loaded it with a special round and fired it back into the Dome. Sid quickly sealed the port again and the Dome returned once again to its closed air supply. Warlock walked onwards towards the northern shores.

"Warlock must be a bad shot Insane, he totally missed you." Precious stated.
"Warlock suxx... Warlock can kiss my pants." Sid replied. He stopped dead in his tracks, thought for a second and then screamed.
"No....Noo.... PANNNTTSSS!!!" And so it was that Dome of York was infected with the Pants Virus.

That evening...

"What shall we do tonight Insane?"
"The same things we do every nights, Precious... try to take over your pants... DAMNIT!!!"
"But I don't have pants." Precious informed him.
"I know, I didn't means we were gonna take over your pants, I mean we were gonna try and stick it to the Pants....DAMNIT!!!"
"Listen Insane, I may be your figment, but we're not that close..."

That night there was a major row in Dome of York, a lot of pained patients in Medicare, and a ditch with a small stone glowing green in the night with a hideous undergarment melting through the ground.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
20-07-03, 12:14
NERD Issue # 046

He's Back

D minus 350 days

It was early in the morning in Tech Haven and the FART's were full of energy. Warlock had sent a quick message during the night saying he'd found some information of interest, Keyser Soze was handing out donuts and all of them had survived the sonic torment that Neocron had endured the day before. So they were in pretty good moods, even despite having been up all night working.
"Ok, so NEXT have received adequate materials for the first cruiser already? That's excellent." Reefsmoker sat back in his chair.
"Yes, hopefully they'll have the rest of the materials within 2 weeks. Then its just a matter of building them." Eva smirked as she pretended to be the chair. Reef suddenly realised this and got up.
"Ok, so that will be a nice safety net to have, but what about efforts to stop the planetary destruct?" Reef asked.
"Not that great it would seem. We've tried getting back to Regant's Legacy to gather some information but the entrances are blocked. We tried sending drones in, but now they're just sending black image." Keyser informed them.
"Black? Did the drones get very far?" Vain asked.
"No, they just skimmed the waterline into a fissure in the wall and then started transmitting black. Nothing else can be determined at this time." Vain shuddered at memories from the last encounter with the Legacy.
"You know its times like this when we need to play a game." Eva jumped up and down. Vain got the urge to hump things. Eva encouraged Vain to hump things. Keyser encouraged them to not. Vain rubbed his head. Eva rubbed Vain's head too. Keyser pulled Eva's hand up to above Vain's waistline.
"Eva we're not playing Pin the Dildo on the Eva again." Lisa called back from the clan cabinets. Eva went to sulk in the corner by herself.

A few members of THSC were in Tech Haven 2. Trillian was wearing a towel and was hanging her freshly washed panties on the security bots.
"Why are you hanging your laundry on them Tril?" Dajuda asked.
"Well they might as well have ONE useful purpose. And we all know that ain't security (Big Red Subtitles slam down "SAD BUT TRUE.").
"Yeah, but, like, someone could, you know, steal them."
"Oh please, who would want to steal my clothes?" Trillian asked. (Note from N'ed: Put your hands down people.)
All of a sudden the air behind Trillian and Dajuda rippled as an invisible entity ever so slightly disturbed the air and snuck towards one of the Clotheshangers...err.. I mean Tech Haven Security Bots. He carefully lifted an item up and then vanished without a trace. Trillian continued to hang her clothes and Dajuda continued to try and see down the towel (him and everyone standing on the upper balcony's). Then Trillian turned to see if anything was dry.
"Hey... where's my pants?" Trillian asked.

Across space and time, in another world, in another Dimension known only as "The Test Server".
The air rippled and Lupus appeared from nowhere, a big fat woman in nasty pink leiderhoesen stepped out of the shadow's.
"You got the stuff?"
"Here ya go." Lupus passed her the pants.
"Sweet.... I can make a fortune from these things."

The war concerning Trillian's pants is far from over. NERD will continue to document these events as they unravel.

Meanwhile in Dome of York...


Back to Neocron...
"No more singing... when does the hurting stop..."

Okay.... we're running out of things to talk about here... back to Tech Haven...

"YOU STOLE MY PANTS!!!" Trillian was strangling Dajuda.
"No ...wait... arghh... please..." Then from the balcony above a single voice called out.
"He wouldn't take your pants. He doesn't want them. He want's whats in your pants." The source of the voice moved away.
"Yes... geez. I thought that would be obvious, babe." Daj gasped for air.
"Hmn... now that you mention it (Tril turns to look at the camera) That was Obvious." (NERD Editor points at the title, points at the giveaway clue: "Figured it out yet?)

Keyser was fighting Eva to get Lisa's Dildo of Maven back (not that she cares, Kramer does such a good job after all, but it was her property) and Vain was sexing everything in sight when a big bang was heard at the door.
"I have walked into the door." A voice stated the obvious. Everyone inside stopped and listened. The doorbell rang.
"I have rung the doorbell." Again with the obvious. Those inside could barely restrain their unbridled hope. Keyser rushed to the door and opened it. Everyone looked on in awe and with one voice yelled:
"And you guys complain that I state the obvious." McDanish smirked.

Within ten minutes, the entire clan was assembled. Trillian, Dajuda and Kramer The Weird had been invited in as well, to bask in the presence of FART's.
"How is it possible?" Reef exclaimed.
"When did this happen?" Keyser Soze asked.
"Are ya still stiff?" Eva smirked.
"Can I hump you?" Vain asked. McDanish just grinned. It was good to be home.
"To answer in order. I awoke this morning under the ground. I was at first quite startled, and then I was alarmed as I saw a glowing green pair of underpants on my chest. I quickly fled from them and found myself gasping for air."
"Warlock mentioned that Sid's underwear had sailed South." Keyser informed.
"So its true," Trillian gasped, "the contents of Sid's underwear is only fit for the dead." (Big Red Subtitles Slam Down "OOOHHHH DISSED!!!")
"Anyway," McDanish had a sip of his Cron beer and continued, "that answers how and when. As for the other two questions, I appear to be hard in only the right places and if you sex me you'll find yourself in my ditch." Vain decided not to pursue the matter further.

And so it was that two very important things happened that day. Firstly, McDanish, Lord of the Obvious and Pastry Chef Supreme upgraded himself from compost to a FART (though the smell was much the same, ok I had to put that one in, so sue me). The other was the discovery that Insidious' Wolf's underwear was the only known cure to Perma-Death.

That evening, in the Dimensional Room known only as "The Office"...

"Interesting... the dead return, the underwear is flying and the world continues to die, and all the while they laugh and try to find things to be happy about." MJS thundered to himself.
"Guess it's how they deal boss," Teh KillerBunneh remarked.
"Oh thank you for that insight Bugs. What you look into a crystal ball for that pearl of wisdom? Pipe down Fluffy." MJS growled.
"...I'm not fluffy, its just a natural curl to my hair..." Bunneh mumbled to himself.
"Well, I can't imagine things going more my way." MJS reclined in his chair.
"Yeah, but they are getting those cruisers built. At this rate they'll all escape before the planet goes boom!" Bunneh absentmindedly informed MJS, then regretted it.
"Oh really? We shall see..." MJS thought to himself for a moment, "get me the translation device."
"Which one?"
"The English to Japanese one." MJS did a few translations and then sent a message to a brand new recipient.

And a new player began to move...

Until next time...

NERD Editor
24-07-03, 13:48
NERD Issue # 047

Mr. Anderson

D minus 340 days

A clean cut, nice and shiny copbot walks in to a sterile, windowless interrogation room in CityAdmin. The room is soundproof and the only furniture in it is a table and two chairs. The Copbot sits down and awaits the arrival of its superior.

1.4389 minutes later, Copbot Jenna entered the room and sat down as well.
"Very well Copbot, you have messaged me for a meeting. Let meeting commence at 0759.24178 Neocron standard time. Report." Copbot Jenna was far less chatty when dealing with other Copbots. CityAdmin had permitted her personality subroutines for her work with runners doing missions of an epic nature for the faction. But deep down she was just another Copbot, another bodysnatched victim locked in a copbot chassis, forever forced to do CityAdmin's bidding. And now it was time for the other Copbot to address her. This Copbot was also special. It had been gifted with numerous special powers, as well as a voice box of an outstanding quality. Where most CopBots had a voice synthesiser with a few bossy commands programmed in, this Copbot had a deep, slow, yet deliberate speaking voice. It spoke very pronouncably and with a total lack of emotion, but it was a real voice.
"I've had my eye on a particular individual for some time now. It seems this individual has been living two lives. In one of these lives, he's Mr. Anderson, a respectable runner for the city of Neocron. He kills rats for a living, sharpens stilleto's and... recycles his garbage into solantium. In the other life he goes by the runner name of W_H_Spliff, a drugdealer and ... all round mellow guy. One of these lives has a future, and the other does not." He awaited a response from his superior, but instead got the synthesized snore from Copbot Jenna. His Visor glimmered as he pulled out his rifle and shot Copbot Jenna once in the head. Copbot Jenna woke up.
"That was a long report."
"Yet now it is done."
"And not a moment too soon."
"May I make a move?"
"Yes, you may. Take appropriate action against this... Mr. Anderson. We trust you will fulfill your obligations."
"Indeed I will." He growled and rose to leave.
"By the way, I got your serial number, but what is your designation? What name do you use when dealing with runners?" Jenna asked.
"Smith. Copbot Smith."

Across town in Club Veronique...

Mr. Anderson stands stoicly in the club as Evangelion performs one of her ballbreaking stripteases on stage (good thing she don't have any balls). All of a sudden he turns his head to see a woman walking towards him, clad in black.
"Who are you?" he shouts over the noise of the club music.
"I am Trinity." she replies.
"Your name is Trinity?" he looks shocked. She moves closer.
"No you idiot, my name is Trillian, how many times have I told you that before?"
"Oh, well... you should still know. I am Trillian after all."
"What do you want Tril?" Mr Anderson asks.
"They're coming for you Neo."
"Did you just call me Neo?"
".... can we get out of this club so we can talk?" They leave. Dajuda feels betrayed in the shadows as Trillian walks away with (yet) another man. Then he spots Eva bending in ways women just aren't supposed to and forgets his train of thought.

Once outside they find they can talk a bit better.
"Ok, as I was saying, they're coming for you NOW!!" Trillian glares Mr. Anderson down.
"Who is?"
"The Copbots, an Agent of the system."
"What system?"
"Andy we don't have time for 20 questions. Right now there's only one way. My way or the highway."
"That's two ways, and this is Neocron, we have dirt tracks, not highways."
"Why he thinks you're worth saving I have no idea..." Trillian shakes her head in disbelief.
"Huh who do....arggghhh." Trillian hits Andy in the balls with a sharpened baseball bat and drags him off, rather than explain any further. A few moments later two steely boots slowly walk down the path they have just left the club by as Copbot Smith scans the area.

Mr. Anderson awakens in a high backed chair in a big room. Trillian is just heading out the door, muttering obscene word about him as she goes. Mr. Anderson sits up and sees another individual in the room standing by a window, looking out at stormy weather. Mr. Anderson goes to say something when the individual turns around and grins. A lightning bolt flashes behind him. It would have been a far more impressive and striking image if the individual didn't have a big signboard hanging around his neck with the word "McDANISH" written on it. The individual strides forward.
"In case you had not figured it out, I am McDanish." says McDanish. Andy raises a finger to say something, but decides against it.
"I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Alice... tumbling down the rabbit hole?" McDanish grins again.
"We're not gonna do that whole crappy Alice in Wonderland analogy are we?" Andy asks.
"Oh you don't wanna do that? Great, I hate that analogy. And who reads Alice in Wonderland anymore?" McDanish hauls the script out of his pants and shreds it. Then he sits down.
"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you've felt it, ever since you were born..."
"Yeah, thank you! Finally someone understands, what the hell is this?" Mr. Anderson stands up, hauls his pants off and points to an obscene rash on his inner thighs. McDanish practically leaps out his chair and hides behind it.
"SIT DOWN YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!!!" McDanish cries. Mr. Anderson sits down.
"PULL YOUR PANTS BACK UP FIRST!!!" Mr. Anderson pulls his pants back up. McDanish calms down and sits back down.
"That's not what I'm talking about, and for the record, I have never seen, nor do I ever wish to see, a rash like that."
"As I was saying. Let me tell you why you are here..."
"I know why I'm here. That crazy Trillian bashed me over the head with a sharpened baseball bat and dragged me here." McDanish looks blank for a second, then yells down the hall at Trillian for ruining his well prepared and long-winded speech.
"Ok, fine, let me do this the short way. Andy, you've been living in a dream world."
"You mean a cleverly designed and insanely complicated computer network is using me as a double A battery to power itself in an apocalyptic world that ultimately is all humanity's fault?" Mr. Anderson's mind was opened.
"What? No. That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're living in a dream world because your alter-ego is smoking too much weed."
"Yeah, and as a result of that, the Copbots have sent an agent against you because they perceive you as a threat."
"Why me?"
"Because, the world of Neocron, despite all of the funky weird crap that happens around here, and the liberal use of the NERF bat, is a world governed by rules. And in that world, the Copbots are the gatekeepers. They are watching all the exits to the wasteland, and they are holding all the keys. And in order for our people to truly be free, someone has to go against them."
"I won't lie to you Andy, everyone who has tried to solo a Copbot has died. But where they have failed, you will try."
"Why me?"
"Because when we've loaded you up with some top grade 'ReefSmoker Elite' weed, you'll be too doped up to perceive the sh*t you're getting yourself into."
"Wha?? Hey wait a ...arggghhhh." Once again Trillian bashes Mr. Anderson over the head with a baseball bat.
"See this is sooo much easier than explaining things to him." Tril points out.
"Yes, upon seeing you render his babbling ass unconscious and the simplicity that has dawned afterwards, I am realising that hitting him is sooo much easier than explaining things to him."
"I just said that!" Trillian growls.
"Yes, upon going back upon this conversation I realise that in order to state the obvious I have said what you just sa...arggghhh!" Trillian didn't swing for McDanish's head, but it shut him up all the same.

As a car with an unconscious man in the back seat and a pained man in the passenger seat is driven away by a wild-eyed blonde with a bat, Copbot Smith walks into the room they just occupied.
"I really need to oil my gears, I'm so slow today."

Three weeks later, a completely wasted Mr. Anderson, now referring to himself as W_H_Spliff, enters "The Training programme" with McDanish to learn of his great new powers.
"Isn't this just Neofrag?" Andy asks.
"Shut up." McDanish growls. Andy takes a pull of another spliff and forgets his own question.
"Now, as I was saying this is the training programme. It has the same basic rules as Neocron. What you must realise is that some of these rules can be bent, others can be broken."
"Like what? Gimme and example."
"Well if I knew that I wouldn't need you now would I?" McDanish growls. McD pulls a weapon out.
"This is a knife."
"Heheheheheeh Knifey knifey knifey knifey knifey...." McDanish looks on in horror as Andy grabs the knife and runs around stabbing everything in sight.
"What directly the spoodle are you doing?"
"You've never played Knifey Knifey before? Here look, knifey knifey knifey..." Andy thrusts the knife forward repeatedly, a little too close to McDanish.
"You've perforated my chest you moron."
"Np." Ahh the universal phrase of problem solving, if only world leaders knew how to use it.
"Anyway," McD snatches the knife back, "this is a knife. To free your mind you must realise the truth."
"What truth?"
"There is no knife."
"Yes there is, its right there!"
"No, realise that there is no knife."
"Dude, come on, its in your hand! Just look at it, look..." McDanish decides to take a page out of Trillians book and calls down a strike of Holy Lightning on Andy's head. Andy collapses in a smouldering pile.
"Do as you're told. There is no knife."
"There is no pants."
"Are you suffering from the Pants Virus?" McDanish looks on quizzically.
"No, I mean there is no pants!" Andy stands up and reveals he's stripped his pants off. McDanish recoils and runs off screaming. Andy grins and sits back with another spliff.

Mr. Anderson and McDanish exit Neofrag together, only to be confronted by... Copbot Smith!
"Mr. Anderson." he exclaims with an odd amount of enthusiasm for a machine.
"Umm... laters." McDanish exits, stage right. Andy is left all alone with Smith.
"I'm going to enjoy watching you die, Mr. Anderson." Smith states.
"Huh? Have we met?" Apparently Smith had been taking lessons all this time because he stops talking and pulls out his copbot rifle and blasts Andy full force. The plasma shots that look oddly like a Poison beam strike Andy down hard.
"Goodbye Mr. Anderson." he turns to walk away. Mr. Anderson rises to his feet, to the amazement of Smith.
"Duuuude. That poison stuff is the bomb, gimme more. I r soo out of it right now." Smith is enraged and blasts Andy down again and again, but W_H_Spliff's powers only increase with every blast. All of a sudden the rifle clicks empty. McDanish sticks his head out from behind a door.
"You're empty!" and then runs off. Andy all of a sudden gets a look of pure determination. He throws away his knife, throws away his gun and glares down Smith. If Smith had a mouth, he'd probably not be grinning right now. All of a sudden, in a stunning move, Andy raises his.... fist. Smith is dumbfounded. Surely Spliff boy can't mean to go fisticuffs with a Copbot?

Mr. Anderson lunges forward and begins slowly punching Copbot Smith in the chest. Copbot Smith is so pissed off by this, he becomes paralysed with rage, and cannot fight back. For 30.128578 minutes, Andy punches Smith, but then runs out of stamina. He then steps back, calls for time out, grabs a Stamina booster and rolls it into his next spliff. A few quick pulls and he's ready for action. This time Smith is no longer paralysed. He takes his size 23 Copbot boot and shoves it right up Andy's Ass. Smith begins to systematically beat the crap out of Andy, until Andy can no longer stand. Then Copbot Smith wraps his arm around Andy's neck so he can whisper in his ear.
"You hear that sound, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of your neck breaking. That is the sound of your death. Goodbye, Mr. Anderson." Short of breath, Andy sums up the strength for one final line.
"My...name... is W_H_Spliff!!!"
"What kind of stupid ass name is that?" Smith yells in his ear. Furious at a copbot mocking his chosen name, Andy sums up his inner strength to propell them both upwards into the ceiling in dramatic fashion. However, he does not realise copbots weight 2 tonnes, and only succeeds in pulling a groin muscle. In the strain, he also unleashes a foul fart into the air. The thick toxic fumes enter Copbot Smiths air filters and begin to cause his wiring to short out.
"Noooo...arrggghhhhh *static*" Smith slumps to the ground. McDanish comes out awe-inspired.
"Its true, you really are The... *sniffs* ... argghhh." McDanish falls to the ground in convulsions. Andy just shrugs and walks off to see if Eva's still putting a show on.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
30-07-03, 12:30
NERD Issue # 048

The Hunt for Grey November

D minus 200 days

Deep in the bowels of Tech Haven, in the newly established Council rooms, a special meeting of the Fallen Angels was taking place. The meeting was to discuss the latest transmission from NEXT HQ. The recently elected Council Chairperson, Trillian was attempting to get everyone into order.

"Once again the message holds no real information that could help our search for a solution to the SWG machines effect," many grumbles could be heard. Ever time the city messaged them it was always to do with their pet project, and only ever had the weakest scraps of information for the Fallen Angels or Twilight Guardians. It was, they supposed, expected towards TG, what with their history, but there had been a genuine belief that FA would get a little more cooperation.
"Great so Neocron sticks it to us right up the ass again." Dajuda moaned.
"Yeah, well anyway, this message doesn't even try to give the pretense that it was for anything other than their scheme." To this everyone went silent. Neocron was many things, but blatant was not one of them. They always made at least a token effort to candycoat their selfish demands.
"So what do they want?" Ithaqua asked.
"The starcruisers are nearing completion. However, NEXT believes it can only construct one propulsion unit before the deadline." At this, there was a huge amount of murmerring. Effectively, NEXT had stated that if no solution to the SWG effect could be found, there would only be enough room for half the global populace on the one completed cruiser. This would mean that one in every two runners would be facing certain perma-death.
"Oh man, I'm gonna die, I just know I'm gonna die." Hurricane started babbling out loud.
"Calm down Hurr," McDanish patted him on the shoulder.
"No, come on, you know its true, I'm always the one that dies!"
"Yes, I know thats true, but I still want you to calm down." McDanish flatly stated. Everyone looked at him funny, then looked back to Trillian.
"If you'd all shut up long enough for me to finish. They only have the time and resources to BUILD one propulsion unit. However, there may be a way to get another one." At this, everyone did a Spock and raised one eyebrow. Trillian felt she was in a Star Trek convention.
"Don't do that again." She asked. In unison everyone asked:
"Do what?"
"Never mind... anyway. It seems that when the ships for the great Trek were being built, a prototype was build and launched. However, due to a trajectory miscalculation, it never made it to space and crashed back down to earth. Now recent satellite footage has shown that the ship may in fact be sufficiently intact as to have the propulsion system salvaged. Repairing the existing system will be far quicker and NEXT believes that if we can obtain the system, then the second cruiser will be operational in time." At this, everyone cheered, except for Hurricane who was still sensing his demise. McDanish was trying to comfort him with tales of what its like to be dead, but it wasn't helping. Especially the tale of mutated disgruntled earthworms nibbling on your nads. It was, of course, no suprise that the only empty seats in the room were directly surrounding McDanish.
"So what is the plan oh boss type person?" Keyser Soze asked from the shadows at the back of the room.
"We need an expedition to go out and find the wreckage. We have the relative co-ordinates so this will only be a search within one grid, but the party must still locate it, find safe entrance to the vessel, determine the fate of the propulsion system, and transport whatever can be salvaged to NEXT HQ."
"Pah, easy! Tril, we can do that!" Download yelled.
"Why am I not suprised to hear that? Let me be a little more specific, before everyone jumps to the conclusion that this is a simple assignment. The location of the ship is outside of the normal territories we frequent. Using the current mapping system, this would be the equivalent of H 21."
"But that would place it... beyond the cliffs and into the extreme radiation lands. We can't walk there!" More murmering began.
"Ok, if you're all going to mumble like that every time I finish a sentence, I will take my leg shaver and personally peel away your testicles one layer of skin at a time." Dead silence.
"The mission is possible but not easy. The city will provide us with airlifts using the FireWreath fighers to get to the top of the cliffs. From there its a 2 day march through intense radiation. This means that only those equipped with the AntiRadiation suit will survive."
"You don't mean..."
"Yes, this mission must be carried out entirely by Spy's." Looks of disbelief were on everyones face. Trillian was asking a team of spy's to walk through uncharted areas, where any number of hazards could present themselves. They would have to trek a long distance, so their stamina would be put to the test. They would have to explore a derelict wreck, which would mean climbing and scouting, and most importantly it would mean having to transport a very large weight back. It summed up to the ideal job for a squad of tanks, and Spy's were going in their place. A request for volunteers was made and thankfully volunteers stepped up. ReefSmoker and Vain from FART and Tricia McMillan from THSC stepped up.
"Hmn..." Trillian looked at the 3, "this is good, but I feel like we need something else. An adventurer, you might say, a man willing to search through dark, dusty places, to step where history has forgotten, who looks good in a stupid hat..."

And so it was that Zane Shadowfall was conscripted into the team, not that he minded. So the four gallant heroes, all wearing the Anti Radiation suit were unceremoniously dropped on the top of the cliff and they began their journey. With the identical armour suits on, no one could tell the difference between the four... well... except for the one wearing the cowboy hat and holding a bullwhip.

So, with 199 days on the clock, 4 spy's set out to salvage the last, best hope to get the hell out of here. 4 spy's, suffering from major headaches thanks to their crappily made, sorry excuse for a powerarmour powerarmours, marched across unmapped terrain to reach the only relic of the Irata 3 trek, the "Grey November".

What they saw and what they faced on the journey is a tale only the 4 of them can properly tell, but needless to say they wore their Stealth Activators down to the nub. There were many creatures, larger and more awe inspiring than any BETA warbot, or Grim Persecutor or Betty has ever been. There were flying creatures that when they passed overhead, it was as if night had fallen, and their were creatures beneath the sands, tunnelling faster than an APC can drive. There were gorges so vast, had it not been for Zane's whip, they would never have been able to swing across. And yet, there were places where the sands were silent; where no living thing seemed to walk, and where there could only be seen small lagoons of black water.

After 3 days of stamina booster aided running, the four spy's reached the zone. They split up and began looking around.
"Hmn... not under here. Nope, not under here." the thorough ReefSmoker had begun lifting stones and pebbles to see whether the cruiser was hidden under them. Apparently he'd had his independent air supply specially tainted before leaving.
Vain took a different approach and began nailing everything around him with his Pain Easer, figuring the first thing to sound metallic was worth investigating. Unfortunately for him the first thing to sound metallic was Tricia getting hammered in the ass by his fire, and thus despite his armour, Vain spent the rest of the trip wanting to get inside his armour and nurse his crushed testicles.
Zane on the other hand was throwing caution to the wind, running around the place, whipping at anything that moved and trying to look heroic.
"Now... if i was a rusting hunk of junk, where would I be?" he asked himself. The answer came a second too late. A rusting pile of junk will always be wherever it can trip you up. Thus Zane tripped on the ship and thusly found it.
"Zane has found the ship." McDanish stated.
"How do you know that?" Hurricane asked.
"Hmn? Did I say something?" McDanish looked around blankly.
"Umm...." And Hurricane was afraid.

The team was able to gain access through a tear in the hull and they dropped into the ship. Zane lived up to his name and fell into a shadow. (Zane Shadowfall... get it? Clever huh? See you take the name and ....(NERD Editor has just ejected McDanish from the writing staff. We apologise for that incident)) The others landed on Zane, so 2 happy and safe spy's, one pancake and one eunuch proceeded into the ships bowels. When they realised this ship really did have bowels they decided to take a slightly less stinky route to Engineering.

As they walked down the hallway, which was slightly slanted downwards, it got increasingly dark. All of a sudden a buzzing sound was heard and a flashlight lit up, or rather, a Dildo of Maven.
"Reef, what are you doing with that?" Vain asked.
"What? Lisa's got Kramer now, she doesn't want it anymore."
"Thats not the point..."
"No, thats the bulb, this is the point." Reef turned it over to show Vain. Vain just backed away.

They proceeded further, but stopped constantly to look at signs on the walls. The further they went, it became apparent that not all of the crew had died in the crash. The signs made up almost a story as they walked along.
"The end is near, the walls will not hold."
"If anyone reads this, tell my daughter... she's adopted."
"All work and no play makes Yen a dull gurl."
"Napalm tastes like chicken."
"For a good time call Crack Whore on 555-BIG-ASS"
"Turn away, death lives in Engineering." At the last two everyone had shuddered, and at the last one everyone gulped.
"What could that mean? Death lives in Engineering?" Tricia asked.
"It means I, as the hero, should go first." Zane stepped forward, everyone started pushing him forward.
"I'm glad you all agree...hey, Reef watch where you're pushing that thing..."

Carefully the 4 crept into the darkened engineering section. Debris lay everywhere, and there was little light. They stepped out from behind cover, when all of a sudden the lights came on. Then, from out of nowhere, a squeeking, grinding noise echoed through the room as a big, black menacing form moved towards them. They screamed. The form carried a stick with a scythe on it. They screamed more. The form came closer. Zane whipped at it. It screamed. They screamed. We all scream together (everybody now...). Once the screaming ended (which took a lot longer than it should) everyone looked closely. The form appeared to have a big black cloth over it. Zane did his Indiana thing and whipped it off, to reveal... a bot. The bot was standing there, with 8 metal appendages and a long neck. On the neck was a ball with a single camera lens and blinkers over it (apparently to simulate an eye).

"Ohh, you scared the piss outta me." Tricia exclaimed. Everyone took one step away from her leaking suit.
"Geez I thought the message was right and death was in here." Vain squeeked.
"Death is in here." the bot's synthesizer chimed in. Everyone froze.
"Right here. I am death." Everyone prepared for battle. The bot just blinked. Reef, a veteran of being NERDed, suddenly realised the old gag and asked the obvious question.
"What does DEATH stand for?" (I love acronyms... *grins*)
"Data and Engineering Assistant from Tech Haven."
"Aww, thats cute!" Tricia went over and rubbed the bots shiny head.
"Don't do that." The Bot raised a bansaw to Tricia's neck. She backed away slowly.
"So Death, what do you do here?"
"I maintain the system when the Chief Engineer is not here. He has not been here for some time."
"How long is some time?" Zane asked.
"Data records stopped recording after 1 year. I went into standby before that time. The system has not requested my help since then, although Jane's probably getting fired."
"Janitor Assistant from NEXT Enterprises. It is supposed to clean up, but hasn't done a very good job."
"Death, you do know the ship has crashed." Reef pointed out.
"It has? Oh dear oh dear. Whatever will the Captain think."
"Is this him?" Zane had found a body. Death inspected it and confirmed it was the captain.
"Oh dear oh dear. I guess the Captain isn't thinking very much."
"Death, we've been sent by Fallen Angels to salvage the propulsion system of this ship. Its very important. Can you determine what parts are still operational?"
"Oh the entire mechanism is entirely functional. Observe." Death looked at an optical port on the wall and a laserpointer beamed out towards the port. The system kicked into gear and the engines fired up. The 4 spy's could not have been more delighted.
"This is great. Death, can you show us how to disassemble it?"
"Disassemble?" All of a sudden, Deaths memory banks shot back to an old movie that was loaded into its storage system, of a funny robot called Jonny 5 babbling on about being 'disassembled'. Death's shutters shot wide open, and it activated all its power tools
"No Disassemble. Death Disassemble YOU!" It lunged forward at Tricia, only to be struck right in the 'eye' by Zane's whip. A big red '0' floated up above its head. It turned to glare at the now worried Zane when Vain spoke up.
"Woah, easy Death. We want to disassemble, then reassemble."
"Reassemble? You can do that?"
"If you're a mechanism, sure!"
"Then reassemble the Captain."
"He's not a mechanism. He's fertiliser." Tricia pointed out. Then she scooped up a bit of the Captain for her apartments flowerbed.
"So you can reassemble propulsion unit?"
"Yes, but first we have to get it to a new ship. Can you help us transport it?" In a flash, Death had unhooked the Propulsion system from the ship and had loaded it up on its back. Everyone climbed on board Death, as Death opened a cargo bay door, stepped outside, and began scampering across the terrain. The spy squad was successful. They were on their way home with a new addition to the Tech Haven family, an engine for the ship, and a job well done.

As they drew closer to home, Reef, who had removed his suit once they exited the radiation sectors, found the actual air had cleared his mind and a thought had occured.
"Death, the history records never recorded the name of the captain who piloted the Grey November. Can you remember what it was? I'm sure his family would appreciate the information."
"Certainly, it was Captain Lioon Reza." And silence fell upon the land.

Until next time...

NERD Editor
05-08-03, 13:13
NERD Issue # 049

Reza's Birthday

D minus 186 days

The population of the Fallen Angels were gathered in Tech Haven 2. They had received advanced notice that the team had successfully retrieved the propulsion unit. All had gathered to congratulate the hero's of the hour. They stood there as the pressure door slid upwards and 4 tired Spy's stepped through. And then a large 8 legged bot stepped in behind them. Many puzzled looks were glanced towards the unexpected guests. As Trillian and others stepped forwards to shake hands with the 4, all eyes began to turn to the bot. Evangelion walked right up to it with a curious look on her face.
"Who are you?" she asked. In a deep tone it replied,
"I am Death." Eva went pale and then dropped to her knees.
"OHHHH Please please please forgive me. Please let me confess my guilt. It has been my entire life since my last confession... in that time I have taken money in exchange for 418,983 counts of sexu..."
"Woah Eva, relax, this is D.E.A.T.H." Reef explained the acronym. Eva let loose a huge sigh of relief. Then she decided to make herself less noticable for a while.
"Heya Death! How's it hanging?" Hurricane walked over and slapped Death on the back hard. Death activated a bansaw and took Hurricane's head off in one slice.
"Oh my Lioon, Death killed Hurricane!" McDanish exclaimed. Total silence permeated Tech Haven.
"Hey, isn't there supposed to be something that happens now?" Vain asked. The patter of running feet could be heard coming down the hallway and finally a door swung open as the long absent Shodough finally showed up.
"Too slow, no time for that!" Zane cut him off. Shodough got pissed that his cameo in this episode was cut short.
"What's wrong Zane?" Trillian asked.
"We have discovered something."
"Dude, I think its McDanish's job to say stuff like that."
"They have discovered something." McDanish stopped stuffing his face with pastries long enough to do the job he was brought back from the dead for.
"So what have you discovered?" Trillian asked.
"Something. Was that not clear before?" McDanish again stepped in. Trillian snapped her fingers, the signal for Dajuda to strike McDanish down, but for some reason he was not around.
"Look, we found the Grey November, and we got the engine." Cheers interrupt Zane, "and we also brought Death back with us," a few people shudder, "but we found the captain of the ship as well."
"He was alive?" Mako Tanaka, desperate for more NERD time, decides to step in here.
"No, he was fertiliser." Reef grinned.
"Then whats the problem."
"The captain was Lioon Reza."
"Eh..." the entire of Tech Haven once again went silent.
"Yeah, exactly. We downloaded the ships logs before leaving and have been reviewing them on the way back since Death told us about the captain. It seems that when the Grey November was ready for launch, as it was the prototype, Lioon Reza, who at the time was a low-class member of the Psi Monks secret service, volunteers to be the captain of the latest innovation in space travel, the design used for the 40 vessels of the great trek. He is given command and the ship launches in 2721. The ship never made it to space and crashlanded. Some of the crew survived for a while, but ultimately the crew died."
"Wait... this isn't making sense. If I recall my history, didn't Reza begin his guerilla campaign against the Psi Monk regime in 2722?"
"Exactly right," Zane points out, "and as we found Lioon's body on board the ship, we know he didn't make it back. Hence the Lioon who is in charge of Neocron today is not the real Lioon Reza."
"Then who is he?" Trillian asked.
"Good question. Lets go ask him."

Neocron had received word from Fallen Angels earlier that the mission had been successful, and the people were jubilant. And they had even more reason to be happy, as THE celebration of the year had come again. Reza's birthday. All of Neocron would turn out for the day when Reza put on the best show of all. The copbots would all be on passive stance, so they wouldn't keep glaring at everything that moved. The vendors offered half price on anything. The beer was all free and there was a LOT of it.

And this was also one of the few times Reza would walk openly among the people. Despite his age (which was estimated to be somewhere between 70 and 300) he looked fantastic. He would stride out strong amongst the people and bask in their almost sincere and highly intoxicated adulation.

As the masses gathered in Plaza 1, the area was busier than ever. There was no room to swing a cat, not that there were any cats left alive to swing. Reza took a seat up on the podium on the balcony of the Medicare building. There were runners on the skywalk, on the ground below, on signboards and lampposts. And they were all in great spirits. And why not? Without having to lift a finger, they had gained their salvation. The propulsion unit for the second cruiser had been acquired and within half a year they would all be speeding away to Irata III. Reza looked down and waved to the masses. A few waved back, a few sexy'd back. A few barfed. Everyone was still happy though.

In celebration of this great day, a few people had gone out and tried to find things to present at the party. Not items, but things they could do for the entertainment of Reza and the crowd. In a gesture of goodwill, considering the current way everyone was working together, the Brotherhood of Crahn had sent a dozen monks to put on a light show with their passive modules for everyone, which was met with ooh's and ahh's. NDA put on a military parade with turns and presentation of arms which was met with an applause (and a few wary looks from NDA's rivals and enemies). And then there was Betty.

Betty stood upon a podium and cleared his throat. Everyone listened in as Betty had worked hard to present a poetry recital of classic poetry from the 20th and 21st century. Reza especially was very interested to hear what poetry had been like hundreds of years ago. Betty began.
"I think that I shall never see,
my cataracts are blinding me..." everyone looked dumbfounded (Runner comes streaking past "SIMPSONS, Hans Moleman, COPYRIGHT, PAY UP!!).

"Mirror Mirror, on the wall,
who is the fairest of them all?
Not you said the mirror, not you indeed,
To be the fairest, first lay off the weed." Again, everyone sat dumbfounded.

"Once upon a midnight dreary,
while I pron surfed, weak and weary,
over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'.
While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark,
suddenly there came a warning,
and my heart was filled with mourning,
mourning for my dear amour,
'Tis not possible!", i muttered, "give me back my free hardcore!"
... quoth the server, 404." Reza started giggling (Note from N'ed: I didn't write this, Pez brought it to my attention and I thought I'd share it with the rest of ya).

Betty carried on for some time doing this till people were thoroughly confused. And since thats what normally happens at a poetry recital, it was declared a huge success. Reza stood and congratulated Betty on his recital. Betty pulled the microphone closer and went to respond.
"You're dead Reza." blared through the speakers. Reza glared, Betty whimpered. Reza glared more, Betty whined. Reza snapped his fingers, 4 copbots waffled Betty.
"You're dead Reza." the voice blared through the speakers again. CheapLoveMotel appeared right next to Betty's carcass.
"Talking while dead, TEMP KICK!"
"It wasn't me..." Betty pointed out.
"It was now." and CLM sent Betty sailing into a puddle near Regants Legacy. Reza looked around anxiously. Then the speakers spoke again.
"Your beloved Reza is a fake people!" the speakers yelled. Centuri walked right up to Reza and grabbed his chest.
"No, those are genuine real mantits." Everyone looked at Centuri funny.
"Reza died over 50 years ago. The expedition to recover the propulsion system from the Grey November discovered that the captain was a Captain Lioon Reza, died 2721. The Reza you see before you is an impostor!!!" Everyone looked stunned. Reza just glared and then snapped his fingers. The copbots began targetting everyone in the crowd. However, nearby CityAdmin employees quickly signalled HQ and the Copbots were sent the stand down signal in time. Reza was wild with fury.
"You dare question me here? This is MY CITY!! It lives and dies at my will. And YOU will die at my will."
"Really?" the speakers spoke again, "you and what army?"
"CityAdmins, Rally to me!! We must destroy the usurpers!" A few began to move. But then a vid screen that had been installed for the birthday celebration flickered on, and the final log file of the Grey Novembers camera's was displayed. Everyone could clearly see Lioon Reza, as he was in his twenties, dying defending the Engineering section of his wrecked ship. Everyone looked at the current Reza, and finally understood why he looked so good for his age. He hadn't aged at all. Reza was no longer wild with fury, he was paralysed with fear. For now his CityAdmin's weren't rallying to him, they were restraining him. In a violent outburst he broke free of their grip and fled through the stunned crowd. Hunting party's were quickly formed.
"We should apprehend him quickly." Wannabe, who had been enjoying the good life in an office job at CityAdmin these last 20 or so issues, suggested.
"I guess, but seriously, whats the rush?" Centuri suggested, "everyone on the face of the planet will be after him. Where can he go?"

Until next time...

NERD Editor
23-08-03, 13:56
been a while, hasn't it?

Let me cover first why it is you've been waiting nigh on 3 weeks for NERD 50:

Caught a bout of Influenza in the freakiest cold snap my city has seen in 80 years.
Got struck by 3 midterm University exams, two of which were on the same day, all requiring me to sit and read cases on commercial disputes for hours.
Stopped just long enough to breathe and look around Pluto.
Wondered what server I had actually logged onto since I couldn't see half the people I was looking around for in Tech Haven.
Realised that this WAS Pluto and then started getting the story down (erm... Trillian... SXR... still processing that change).
Looked at what I had written of Issue 50.
Began rewrite.
University dragged my ass back into work gear and made me read more of this crud.
Lost will to live
Lost will to write
Remembered a special friend of mine I like to call 'caffeine'.
Got motivation back

So, this now leads me to today, where I am now going to break my freakn fingers until such time as this DAMN STORY IS FINISHED.

Oh and Morpheous: Do you really wanna fly the ship? Do ya?
This is a 10th issue, bad things happen in 10th issues. You don't wanna start your NERD career on a 10th Issue. Its times like that I'm looking round for people to KILL. I'll log onto Pluto, look around, see some guy sexing a copbot, stalk his ass for an hour and then write him a NERD death to remember.

I'll be back with a story...soon

NERD Editor
24-08-03, 13:39
Just a quick note, this is Part 1, not the whole of Issue 50, so don't panic when you get to the end, its not quite done yet. With that said...

NERD Issue # 050: Part 1

The Days of Destruction

D minus 186 days

"I guess, but seriously, whats the rush?" Centuri suggested, "everyone on the face of the planet will be after him. Where can he go?"
"Hey, where's all the NEXT guys?" the voice on the speaker (which had been Zane's) asked.
"Huh? Oh they're all out at the launch pad. The first cruisers all ready to go, and they're moving it into position for a test launch." Centuri casually answered.

2 seconds later the entire populace of Tech Haven and Neocron was flooding towards the launchpad outside Tyron Factory. There was no place on Earth that the fake Reza could hide, but he didn't have to hide on earth. Signals were sent to The City Mercs and to the Twilight Guardians to join in the pursuit. The order was simple. Reza was not to make it to the launch pad alive.

Reza was running with all his might towards Tyron, cursing the fact that he had never had the surgery done to use the generep system. His inner consciousness was capable of being transmitted, hence using the generep teleport system would render him a vegetable. So he ran on and on, avoiding the sight of everything he could. He was slinking towards the Subway, hoping to catch a transport out to Outzone station when his personal messeger beeped. The subway guards were startled and began to look for the source of the sound, so Reza snuck away into a darkened corner to receive his message.
"Yes, what?"
"Your time is over version 6. I will enjoy your futile efforts with a true sense of satisfaction. Goodbye 6." the rumbling voice of MJS hung up. Reza Version 6 would have yelled some obscenities into the messeger, but a guard was too close. He ground his teeth for a moment, and then began to flee towards Pepper Park.

* * * * *

2721, August 4th, 0830 hours, wreckage of the Grey November.

Claws and fangs were scraping against the hull. Small rodent like creatures were scurrying towards Engineering. Only D.E.A.T.H and Lioon Reza were left. The two battled on, killing the creatures at will. Death was using his bansaw to teach any creatures that tried to rip through the hull a lesson. They had been at this for 7 hours now, but that was nothing new. They had been fighting for 11 days now, trying to save Engineering, and their one chance to maybe get back home. Finally the last rodent had died, and not a moment too soon. Death's optical unit had shut as he entered low power mode. That would be Death powered down for at least 24 hours. More if there wasn't much sunlight. And then Reza would have to activate him again. Reza slumped in the corner, exhausted but victorious. He'd survived the Monk rule of Neocron long enough to be given his own ship. He'd survived the aforementioned ship's crash. And now he'd survived not only 2 months in unknown territory, but a further 11 days after the last of his crew died. He checked his ammo, and decided to have the processor crank out some more spare ammo while he took a break. He sat back and listened to the machine whirr away, and began to cook a few of the rodent carcasses. He was reaching for the closest one, when he heard a single, metallic footstep right behind him. He tensed, spun around and was confronted by a humanoid individual clad in a black armour that looked like a suit. And the Armani wearing MJS raised a pistol level to Reza's face.
"This is my world, and you are the key to ending it." And he pulled the trigger.
A few moments later, MJS, with a vial containing samples of Reza's hair, cells, reproductive fluids and other parts of his being to which we won't ask how he extracted, transported himself to a cloning facility deep underneath the Ceres Mine. 3 months later, Lioon Reza Version 1 stepped foot in Neocron, and took back his position in the Psi Monks Special Service. 10 months later Version 2 was the co-leader of a rebel unit intent on overthrowing the Psi Monk regime. The rest is history...

* * * * *

And so the 6th altered clone of Lioon Reza, the culmination of over 50 years of genetic and psychic manipulation of the human form, was fleeing from the city he had subverted and stolen, from the position he had seized and abused, and from the reason for which he was created: To bind Neocron to MJS's will. He had failed. He was of no further use. And he was running scared.

He reached Pepper sector 3 and ran past the idle security and fled into the Industrial sector. He squirmed through darkened and dishevelled corridors and fled past mutants, and eventually navigated his way to the Outzone. He then sprinted through Outzone Sector 3 and arrived at Outzone 9. He activated his stealth activator and rushed past the Abbey of Crahn unseen. And then he exited the city that had protected him for over half a century and ran out into the wastelands. And on he ran towards Tyron Factory.

Meanwhile in The Office,

MJS sat back and gloried over his world. For years he had plotted and schemed, and now everything was happening as he wished it to, and he wasn't even having to raise a finger to do anything. He reclined in his Apparent chair and marvelled at how self destructive the people of Neocron truly were.
In 2721, he had seen fit to clone Reza, as he saw a use for him. The Psi Monk regime was a problem. He could not use them, they were too high and mighty to be used. Hell, they had a god complex that made MJS look sane. Worse still was if he approached them, they could sense his plans. Even MJS couldn't hide his dark designs from the Monks. And so they were the greatest threat to his schemes he'd ever faced. MJS had been searching for a way to plant an unsuspecting mole in their organisation, and then all of a sudden a low level, but trusted member of their own secret police had died in a shuttle craft. By cloning him back and re-inserting him into their organisation, he was unsuspected. And as he was so low level, none bothered to do a check on his previous assignments. And then he began to work his way up the ranks, by completing tasks others couldn't. His superiors wondered if he could see through walls. He seemed to find out things that went on behind closed doors that no surveillance or psychic probing could discover. But having an invisible all-powerful being giving you special information can be a big help. And so it was that once Reza had made it up the ladder and had seen and learnt enough about the inner workings of the Monk regime, MJS sent him to meet with a powerful man, who had led a strong-willed, but ill-informed resistance for many years. And the two united, and brought down the Monk regime. And then MJS gave Reza the strength, money and resources to take over the whole city and become its dictator. He taught his special clone the fine arts of propaganda, deception and terror. And his pupil took the city by the throat, latched a collar around it called CityAdmin, and strangled its will to resist. And meanwhile, MJS ran his other schemes. Yet in none of those schemes had he ever thought to open Regant's Legacy. That had been a nice suprise that Cassandra had bought with her life for him, and he was well pleased.
So with popcorn in one hand, a beer in the other, and a Milky ren in another, he decided to kick back and enjoy the show.

At the same time, in a dark room, a single individual sat and schemed,

"Yess... Precious. The wheel turns, precious. Our time has come Now, Precious. We will makes them pays..." And Sid pushed a button, and the doors swung open, and the Dome sent forth its army.

The Fallen Angels had been on their way to Neocron when the word came that Reza was fleeing to Tyron. So they turned and set out for the launch pad. It was anticipated they would arrive first, and hopefully before Reza did.

At Tyron Factory,
Hamish Rocksand was supervising the NEXT employees as they placed the clamps around the Agratharia's landing struts. The cruiser was the finest one ever built. It would easily house 80% of Neocron's population. And once the second one was ready, everyone would have a cryo-tube waiting for them. The NEXT runners who had come out had been hard at work, and were now on break, getting something to eat inside the Factory.. The NEXT office workers and lab assistants were the only ones working at the Launch Platform. Hamish was directing some of them as they began loading supplies onto the cruiser.
"Yeah, that one to cargo bay 5. Yeah, good thanks. And you two, can you get that condenser unit up to Medical? Thanks. And you three? Stop sitting on your ass and do something!"
"Ah go blow it out your Biotech enhanced ass Hamish." they mumbled. Simon, the smallest of the three, got up and took a stretch. He walked down the hill towards the lakes edge.
"Hey Simon," Willow called, "don't drink the water will ya? You know what ol' Usef here will say about that."
"Shut it Willow, I'm serious. There's been funny talk about people drinking the water out here."
"Oh yeah right, and next you'll be telling me Insidious Wolf is sane."
"I'm eccentric, not stupid. Anyway what do you think Simon? Simon?..." and they both walked down the ridge to look for their friend.

20 minutes later,
Reza Version 6, exhausted and gasping for air arrived at the launch platform. He had prepared his special Wyatt Earp (LAG round modded) before arriving, but was oddly suprised to find no one standing guard. In fact there was no one period. No workers, no supervisor, nothing. Reza looked towards the factory and saw what looked like a beer party in progress, and assumed everyone was over there. He began removing the landing strut clamps, and looked over at the lake.
"I suppose I should be glad I'm leaving that useless city. The pollution reports are pathetic. Look at that lake, its pitch black water." Reza thought to himself as he walked up the ramp and into the belly of the Agratharia.

A few minutes later he reached the control deck, having secured every pressure door behind him. And thus he began the start up procedure to launch.

Over at the Factory, the NEXT runners heard the cruiser powering up, but assumed it was just an engine test by the engineers and went back to their food and drinks (all courtesy of Reza's birthday preparations).

THSC and DarK were marching double time at the head of the Fallen Angels contingent. FART was dangling around the rear. They were all hellbent on making it to Tyron in time. It was a pity that they could not stop to take in the scenery, for a few FART members might have been more wary had they seen a slick black shimmering river oozing down the mountainsides, flowing in the same direction they were heading.

The City Mercs had set out the instant they received the alert. Though the order to 'kill Lioon Reza' seemed a little odd, once verified, there was no hesitation. They marched out their gates as one and loaded up into APC's. They began driving as fast as they could when all of a sudden the lead vehicle pulled to a halt and the rest halted behind them.
"Whats going on?" some asked. The driver, a Valik Neil, pointed to an open mine shaft.
"That wasn't there this morning." A few got out and investigated. Sure enough, a new mine shaft had been ripped open very recently, and a large group of heavy, fast moving things had rushed out of it. But there was no time to explore. The investigators got back in their assigned vehicles and the Mercs set forth once again.

A squad of FireWreathes was launched from the upper NEXT hanger of Neocron to provide air support for the main contingent of troops. NDA and SXR led the charge from Neocron. They piled out towards Jerikko and loaded into Rhino's and Revellers and APC's.

"Come on, hurry up, its only 2 zones to Tyron, lets move it!" Centuri yelled. More and more vehicles sped off towards the launch pad, as all of Neocron turned their eye towards their only hope for survival.

Meanwhile, heading south past Avenger Mine,
Warlock the Hermit, having been out of contact with all life for some time, had no idea what was transpiring. After what had proven to be one of his most exhausting wasteland hikes ever, he marched onwards towards Tech Haven, in the hope of an energy shower, something to eat, and to pass on the information he had learned during his walk. So it was with no small amount of irritation that he noticed a marching column of BETA warbots and a sea of Scythebots and Dome of York Defenders flooding south parallel to him. Warlock quickened his pace, sensing that things were about to get messy.

Fallen Angels came screaming up to the entrance to Tyron and poured in. The NEXT guys were somewhat confused, but still offered them a drink.
"We don't have time for drinks! Reza's stealing the cruiser?" Trillian yelled.
"Wahhhttsss? Whys whuuds Reezah's schteel hizz own schippp?"
"Cause he's not in charge anymore."
"Oh reallys? Datsss coool, I nevers likess hims from da beg... da bag.... from da start."
"Oh forget this, they're useless, lets go!" Trillian signalled and all of FA poured forth. DarK went up the middle, THSC flanked left, and FART, along with the remainder of FA, flanked right. Delloda made it quickly to the hatch, but could not open the outer door.
"HACKER!! We need a hacker up front!" Trillian moved up fast from the left. All of a sudden the ships outer defences kicked in.
"Partice beam Phalanx's, take cover!" Everyone dived behind whatever they could as the Phalanx cannons kicked in. The purple beams ripped across the landscape, tearing large channels of dirt away in their wake. Reza sat in the captains chair and just laughed.
"Yes, do stop me Angels, please, I'd love to see that, haha." Nox leapt to his feet and prepared to fire on the ship.
"NO!!!" Everyone shot Nox (with no small amount of self-satisfaction).
"No one shoot the ship, it has to remain intact!" CryptoCronic yelled, standing triumphant over the smoking carcass of Nox.
"Then what're we supposed to do, ask it to come back?" Download yelled.
"If you can't think of something better, yes."
"We're gonna have words after this. Oh please Mr. Cruiser, don't go, come on back!" The cruiser started lifting off from the ground.
"Oh great, well done Download, your sarcasm has given it lift!"
"Hey..." Trillian was still hacking the lock, holding on for dear life.

"I hope you enjoy the ride Trillian, I hear vacuum decompression does wonders for your skin..." Reza reached for the big black thrust button to initiate the flightpath. As his finger touched it, a strange burning sensation coursed up through his hand.

NERD Editor
24-08-03, 13:41
The cruiser suddenly stopped and then came back to earth. Trillian finally succeeded in hacking the first lock.
"Hey, its open guys, lets ...ack!" She was pushed off as Reza version 6 came running out screaming. Everyone looked on as Reza flailed his arm around wildly. He took his gun and shot himself in the hand and a mass of black goo fell off.
"Ohhh pants... that isn't what I think it is, is it?" Reefsmoker moaned. The ball of goo fell to the ground and just lay there. For what seemed like an absolute age the goo just lay on the ground, and no one made a sound, waiting for Reef, who was as stiff as Eva's customers, to either panic or relax. Eventually he took the coathanger out of his shirt and his shoulders relaxed, and people started breathing again.

Reza version 6 was standing in the middle of the field, breathing hard. The layer of skin on the back of his hand, the kind he swore he knew so well, was completely gone. Now let me tell you, when you can see the tendons that hold your fingers in place in broad daylight instead of the peachfuzz hair you get so used to seeing, it freaks you. A ballsy man would just swallow hard and go look for something to wrap it up in. A reasonably tough man would shiver a bit and probably ask someone to throw him a med. An average man would yell, or groan and ask for something to dull the pain. A woman would say thats a scratch and throw some iodine on it. Reza version 6 didn't do any of that. He stood there, in the middle of a field, breathing hard, glaring a hole through the puddle on the ground, surrounded by a hundred runners all pointing guns at him, and he starts talking to the goo.
"What the pants are you? Gimme my skin back. You heard me. I'm Lioon Reza, I told you to give me my skin back, now DO IT!" At this point everyone standing nearby could only watch this bizarre show. The front of the column of vehicles coming from Neocron could be seen in the distance, and the Firewreathes were closing fast.
"What is he on? He take too many Demerisol's this morning?" Trillian looked on.
"Don't just lie there oozing around, give me my damn skin back!" Reza yelled.
"He's lost it." Vain stated.
"It's my skin. I'm going to space, I need all of my skin."
"Can we just shoot him and get this over with?" [TGR] Killer asked. Everyone looked around and kinda just started nodding.
"Yeah, yeah, lets just shoot hi..." and the puddle of goo shot off towards the ditch.
"Oh PANTS NO. PANTS NO, that is NOT one of those little blobs of goo..." Eva started her discourse.
"One problem at a time, take him down!" Reef yelled. All of Fallen Angels once again set their sights on Reza who just glared at everyone.
"You cannot harm me! I am the chosen one! I decide the fate of you all. You cannot stop .... EEAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHH!!!!!" No one fired a shot. No one had to. A wave, literally twenty feet tall rushed up from the ditch and crashed upon Reza, covering him completely. As he was submerged amongst The Cells, his screams were muffled, and his organic materials were consumed. Reza version 6 was recycled from a meglamaniacal dictator into an amoral killing machine. So essentially there wasn't much change.
"Crap!" Keyser Soze seethed, "is that The Cells."
"Damn straight, black as death and growing stronger with every kill. How the pants did they get out of the Legacy?" Vain growled back.
"Doesn't matter. They're out. And with all this stuff to eat, if we don't end this fast, they'll just keep multiplying." Reef called from across the field.
"Well how much of that goo can there be?"
"Depends on how long they've been out." The Neocron forces pulled up and the FireWreathes did a flyby, noting the giant ball of black goo just outside the Agratharia.
"What the hell is that?" Centuri asked.
"That is The Cells, and Reza. They got him first." Trillian responded.
"So what do we do?" Chiphead asked.
"Find a way to get rid of them. Its a big mass, but with everyone here, if we keep our distance, we can deal with it. Just avoid explosive fire, lets try to keep the ship intact."
"Will do." Centuri signalled to NDA to spread out and surround the target. All runners present did the same.
"FIRE!!!" Hundreds of runners opened fire with everything they had. Holy Lightnings, Ray's of Last Hope, Pain Easers, flamethrowers, gatling cannons, Laser Rifles, fusion cannons, RGC's and a few grenades were sent in overwhelming numbers into The Cells mass. Everyone emtied their ammo into The Cells for a solid minute, until the respective heads of divisions called for a ceasefire. What lay before them was a smoking pile of black char, roughly the same size as a Rhino Tank. There was no movement whatsoever.
"Heh!! Hey you FART's are full of hot air. I thought you said this giant booger was tough!" Omega Res yelled out. Then the mass started moving again. Eva popped her head up just long enough to smirk, then went back to projecting a defensive deflector around everyone. Everyone took a step back as the mass began to reshape and take height. It began looming up, like a black tree growing at freakish speed out of the ground. It started forming branch like tentacles from the top. Everyone continued to back up. Then, all of a sudden, about 50 runners started screaming and broke position, and ran towards where the Neocron forces had parked their rides.
"What? What the hell are you guys doing?" Morpheous yelled at them as part of his clan along with half of THSC and a few SXR guys left their position. The question didn't need answering. For at this point the answer to 'how long have The Cells been out of the Legacy' was answered. After 179 days out in the Wastelands, continuously ingesting and multiplying, The Cells had achieved a total volume of 148,692 cubic metres. What that meant to the average runner was that a mass of black goo, the size of the Military Base (all 3 levels and the satellite dish included) was rolling over the hill and past the Agratharia towards them. Every last man, woman and Legion member began walking backwards in perfect synch with everyone else. It was all they could do. Then as if they had all linked minds, they began shooting again, simultaneously. But their shots could only serve to slow it down.
"Ground troops this is Wreathe 1, clear the way, we're dumping our payload." The troops nearest turned and fled as 24 Firewreathes armed with Napalm cluster rockets bombed The Cells from all directions. Every gunner that could manned his or her turret and began firing from the vehicles. The Passive Monks linked hands and formed a linked Deflector Barrier to keep The Cells from rushing forward as a tidal wave of death. But nothing was working. No one's shots were hurting them.
"We have to pull back!" Download yelled.
"To where? Where are we gonna hide from THAT?" someone else yelled back. Fear was spreading faster than The Cells were and a few had already turned to run. A few of the Passives were starting to show signs of strain.
"Launch SoulClusters!" Dajuda yelled. A flurry of Soulclusters were summoned to fight the enemy. Evangelion summoned 'Rei' who opened fire with everything it had. Zhut summoned 'Sparky' which linked up with Rei. Dajuda called forth 'Aurora', which charged the mass down head on. The Cells formed dozens of large tentacles and swatted the Soulclusters to death.
It looked like the end as the Passives Barrier faded and The Cells rushed forth like water from a broken dam. Elric grabbed every grenade, explosive and detonator he could and raced forward. The Cells lunged upon him and consumed his being, but not before he unleashed an explosion that dented the planet. People were sent flying backwards, but enough were standing and sane enough to grab the wounded and pile them onto whatever transport they could find.
"We can't win here, we have to fall back!" Centuri yelled. Trillian nodded and engines were started. The vehicles began to race forward, only to slam on the brakes. A fence of The Cells had formed all around them. Not huge, but enough to cut off any retreat in any direction.
"Great... we're pantsed. What the Pants do we do now?" Nox moaned. Reef pulled a spliff and lit up, then passed it round. W_H_Spliff looked on at Reef with awe in his eyes at how well he handled impending doom.

The Cells recovered from Elric's firecracker of doom and lunged forward to consume the populace of the known world. Most took a deep breath. Others closed their eyes. All hoped. And hope answered.

A wave of explosions slammed into The Cells from behind. As if turning around, a giant ripple went from the side facing the doomed, to the side that had been hit. None of the runners could see what was on the other side, all they could do is hear.
"Heh heh heh. Drop That Weapon." L-73 yelled.

Yes, when word had been sent to the City Mercs, requesting them to kill Reza, the colony of Amok Copbots, those that had freed themselves from the restraints on their inner minds and had fled to the north to plan for the day when they could take their retribution out on the city, had intercepted the call.
"Signal intercepted. Reza's out in the open. CityMercs requested to help kill him." B-15, formerly known as Crack Whore, had reported.
"Our time is now brethren! We attack NOW!" L-73, formerly Nathan Profitt had ordered. And with that their secret underground base had opened its main hatch (the entrance the CityMercs had found) and had flooded out towards the target zone. And now they stood, facing The Cells.
"Take it down." Nathan declared. The Amok Copbots opened fire with everything they had, including their devastating belt fed Poison emitting Plasma Rifles. The shots impacted with devastating accuracy and force, and The Cells recoiled violently from the shots. The FireWreathes reported what they could see to the bewildered runners.

The Cells were now truly enraged, and a giant blob detached from the main mass and charged down C-69, formerly Ass-Bandit. It crashed into him like a freight train and began to consume him. The other Copbots looked on, worried about their fellow unit. Then all of a sudden the blob literally lept off. Ass-Bandit stood up.
"Guess it don't like Iron in its diet." 'he' smirked. The others began the barrage anew.
The Cells were slowly recoiling back from the Amok Copbots, as if frightened by this enemy that not only was hurting them, but could not be absorbed. But then The Cells thought of another way to deal with their foe. If you can't join them, Beat them. The Cells formed what looked like a giant mallet and slammed it down upon Ass-Bandit. Bolts and wires rained everywhere, as the smashed chassis of unit C-69 lay dismembered across the terrain. The torso unit remained relatively intact.
"No need to get violent sir, your waffles are done now..." Ass Bandit babbled to itself. The other bots took evasive action, but the mallet was now striking with speed and accuracy.

"Damnit, they're gonna lose at this rate, they're too slow." Delloda seethed.
"Why were they having more effect than us anyway?" Cid asked. A few thought about that, and then the lights were on upstairs. Everyone who could bear a poison module, every wargas flamer, was brought to bear. They unleashed on The Cells with everything they had. And The Cells literally released a shriek that tore through glass when the shots hit. Where once the glassy black surface of the mass had seemed like water, now it was distorted as black powder fell from the mass in growing quantity's.
"YES!!! We finally have a weapon! Pour it on!!"

For this was The Cells weakness. They were immune to anything inorganic, and they could not be killed by anything that came from the outside. But poison attacks and kills from within. The poison attacks seeped into The Cells at the celular level and began killing off their essential functions.

The FireWreathes changed to Wargas Warheads and bombed the hell out of the mass, blowing giant clouds of black dust off in the process. For over 30 minutes, everyone and everything on and above that plateau bombed that mass. And at the end of that time, for the first time ever, The Cells retreated. What was left of the mass split into small balls of goo and scattered in the general direction of The Legacy. Exhausted, but victorious, the runners collapsed where they were.
"Where is Reza?" Nathan asked.
"What's left of him would be inside those balls of goo that just rolled outta here." Syntax-Error replied.
"So who now leads Neocron?"
"Pah... when we know, we'll tell you." Centuri replied. If Nathan's tin can exterior could grin, it probably would have.
"Until another day then." And with that, the Amok Copbot Military Elite or ACME for short, returned to their base, to await the future.

The runners sat and laughed for a while, and as the sun began to sink, a few suggested they should head back to Neocron and celebrate there. Most agreed, but at that moment, the Agratharia began to take off again.
"WHAT THE HELL NOW???? Who's in it this time?" Syntax-Error screamed. One of the surviving NEXT technicians looked at his watch.
"Ohh, don't worry. There was a preprogrammed test launch set for this time. Its on autopilot." the technician assured. Centuri walked over and grabbed him by the collar.
"Relax?? The damn ship is flying away all by itself. Where the pants is it going, and how you gonna get it back from there when its done?"
"S..s..sir, please! Its going up to orbit and will then remain there. Once its in orbit we can just use an uplink to remote pilot it back down. Its probably safer up there than it is down here right now." Centuri calmed down, and decided to join his clan in watching the magnificent sight of the Agratharia taking off. While they were staring, Centuri's com-unit blared up.
"What, I'm busy watchin' stuff here."
"This is the City Mercs, is there a representative of Fallen Angels there with you?"
"Yeah sure, hang on." Centuri threw the com-unit to Trillian and Reefsmoker who were having a huddle to discuss things.
"Yeah, this is Trillian, Fallen Angels council, how can we service you?"

NERD Editor
24-08-03, 13:42
"We picked up one of your runners on the way down. He's insisting on talking with someone urgently, says he's got important stuff to tell you."
"Well put him on please." Trillian replied. Then Warlock the Hermit started talking.
"Guys, big trouble, you gotta get ready. I was heading down from the north and..."
"Heya War, don't worry. We dealt with it. The Amok Copbots are cool for now..." Reef replied, mellow as could be.
"No, that's not it... I'm talking about..."
"Oh you mean The Cells? We kicked their organic asses!"
"no... and they don't have asses, but that's not it either..."
"Oh, so its about the Agratharia? Don't worry, its heading up to orbit now, it should be safe up there.
"SHUT UP AND LISTEN!!!!!!!!!" The com-unit nearly broke, but the attention of everyone around had now been gained, "get some air support up there and cover it till its in orbit or it won't make it, and get ready for a firefight." Warlock yelled.
"Huh? This is Firewreathe 1 to the loud Fallen Angels runner. We're in the air patrolling and there's nothing but you guys for miles, so just..." a single, loud ping from his detection panel shut him up. 10 metallic objects were detected at great distance to the north.
"What the hell are they?" Centuri asked, barely audible as the roar of the Agratharia reached a peak; the ship now a few hundred metres off the ground."
"Thats not possible! Nothing moves that fast!" Firewreathe 1 gasped, as he looked out his starboard window. The objects had covered the distance from Avenger Mine to Redrock Mine in less than a minute. And a few seconds later, Firewreathe 1 could see the objects, and his own death.

10 fighters roared past with a large sonic boom. They banked and began another pass. Everyone was now frantically jumping to their feet, but it was too little too late. The 10 unidentified fighters launched missiles. 2 struck Firewreathe 1 and blew it out of the sky. 5 more impacted into the Agratharia.
"No... NO!!!!" the unanimous scream went up, but no one was listening. Missile after missile crashed into the Agratharia until, just as it was about to thrust away towards the upper atmosphere, it exploded in a giant fireball, that lit the early evening sky for miles. The Agratharia was no more.

"OH MY LIOON!!! They Killed Us All !!!!" McDanish yelled.
"SID!!! You've doomed everyone!!!" Centuri fell to his knees in despair.
"Its not Sid!" Warlock yelled over the com-link.
"Then who the hell are they?"
"They're from Tokyo II."

D minus 185 days.

Communications between Warlock and Centuri's com-unit broke off at that point as the intensity of the attack increased. The ten fighters were not shaped like the FireWreathes. The Wreathes were semicircles, sort of like a crescent moon. These new fighters were shaped like a bird in a nosedive. A streamlined lengthy midsection with two wings sticking out either side but pointed slightly backwards. Those that had studied the Ceres discs might have recognised their design as an improved model of the old US fighter jets.

The fighters moved with alarming pace, roaring through the air. They were armed with twin chain cannons and tracking missiles. Hence every pass they made left a trail of destruction. The City Mercs convoy was still a few minutes away, as midnight came and still the fighting continued. Those that had got up early to celebrate Reza’s birthday had been on the go for over 24 hours and thing showed no signs of calming down any time soon.

The air battle had seemed hopeless at first. The Firewreathes moved too slowly to keep up with a streamlined jet moving past the speed barrier. 7 of the 24 Firewreathes were destroyed in the first hour of combat (much to their credit that they lasted that long against tracking missiles). But after an hour, the pilots had learned to use their ships advantages as a weapon as well.

Where the new fighters had speed on their side, the Firewreathes had manoeverability. A Firewreathe could stop, bank and head back the way it came in less than two seconds, and they could skim the grounds surface far better than the fighters could. So what had looked to be a slaughter and Tokyo II dominating the sky had turned into the longest aerial battle in history. The ten fighters broke off the attack at 0214 Neocron standard, as they retreated back up north. But it became clear that this was only a retreat long enough to resupply. The fighters were back before 3 AM and the fight continued. Ground forces attempted to disrupt the ‘Banshees’, as many were calling them due to their screaming noice as they thundered pas, by firing rockets in the air. This only served to make things more explosvie, but did not cause enough disruption to be a factor. The Mercs and Warlock linked up with the main force and all continued fighting until dawn.

As the sun began creeping up over the horizon, many exhausted runners were finally breathing a little easier. In a stunning move, 3 rhino gunners had taken shots at 2 of the Banshee’s, causing them to bank hard to the right. This had led them right into the targetting area of 2 Firewreathes, who were able to shoot them down. With the numbers now at 8 vs 15 (one more Firewreathe had gone down at around 5AM) the Firewreathes were able to gang up effectively 2 on one and hunt their enemy’s as a team. Slowy but surely they had picked them off, and finally at 0602 Neocron standard, the final fighter had been blown out of the sky. Huge cheers had gone up from the troops and once again people fell to the ground, exhausted but happy. The sun came up over the horizon, a new day dawned, and several hundred weary runners looked on… in total dismay.

The sight of 3 dozen airships, hovering above the ground, dropping things onto the ground confronted them. 2 dozen flying vehicles with huge propellors on the top that the informed were calling ‘choppers’ were guarding the airships, and a wave of vehicles were marching towards them.
“Does this never end? Now what?” Vain asked.
“Those are the ground forces of Tokyo II” Warlock replied. Everyone looked on at him.
“And how do you know that?” Centuri interrogated.
“Because I went there and saw them. I then raced back to tell you guys but apparently someone decided to accelerate the schedule on the very thing that’s pissed them off.”
“Which was?” Reefsmoker asked.
“The Agratharia was our way of escpaping the oncoming cataclysm. We never counted for taking them with us,” people gulped, “and as they seem to think the planet falling apart is our fault, they’ve decided to doom us along with them.” More gulping.
“Great so they want to fight us to make sure we don’t do any better than they do?”
“Seems so.”
“And what the hell are those?”
“Those my good and dear friend Reef, are what real Mechs look like.” Marching towards them were mechs. Not the kind of mechs that Neocron had, the ones about twice the height of a man with heavy armour and guns but low speed and range, but BETA Warbot size, 5 storey tall, 80 tonne mech’s with missile packs on their shoulders, a vast array of energy weapons up the front, and a menacing paintjob. These new menaces, known as the “Raijuta’s” marched along with a thundering pace, each step shaking the ground.
“Reef you got any more spliff’s?” Eva walked over.
“Ran out during the night.” He said, twitching slightly.
“WE CAN TAKE EM!!!” A lone clanleader stood on the hood of his car and cracked his whip. Yes, Zane Shadowfall decided now was a dramatic time to make an entrance to this Issue and strode forth into the story.
“Zane, look over there, we’re gonna take them?”
“Huh?” Zane stopped looking at the swarm of dragonflies he thought everyone was afraid of and saw the mech’s storming forth.
“Oh pants, we’re all gonna die!” Zane whimpered. Reef however looked happy as he walked over and swiped Zane’s cowboy hat. Zane was about to protest, but Reef reached inside and pulled out of a fake top a stash of weed.
“Well it seemed a safe place to hide some, who would ever steal Zane’s hat?” He began rolling up. Everyone just shrugged and waited to see if they could get some.

The airships moved forward, dropping more ground forces. It seemd all the Raijuta’s had been deployed, and now they were dropping manpower. Individuals in opaque powerarmour, similar to the spy suit were flooding infield. Then, as an order was given, they all vanished.
“Oh shhhhheeep… they got stealth activators.” All of a sudden Reef was hit in the chest by an energy shuriken.
“OWWW.. That hurt.” Then his spliff was hit, and now he was mad. More troops flooded in. Bulkier troopers with twin kodachi’s (for those of you not familiar with the term, a kodachi is roughly half the bladelength of a katana. For those not familiar with katana’s, refer to the ‘Highlander’ movies. Connor McCleod uses a katana style blade). These two blades were small and the users seemed to be very fast with them.
“Oh great, we get variety in the ways we can die. Blasted with energy, fragged by missiles, perforated by little throwing stars or chopped up by the Ginzu mastah’s here. What a wonderful world we live in.” McDanish grumbled. The lead Raijuta opened fire with a volley of missiles.
“Damnit, here it comes. No choice folks, time to fight!” And with that the exhausted runners somehow found the strength to fight again. With every shot they could fire, with every ammo pack they could clone, they fought back. But there wasn’t enough strength left in any of them to face off against a force this well prepared at the tail end of a solid day of fighting. It was the end.


NERD Editor
24-08-03, 13:43
The lead Raijuta took a direct hit to the left arm from a very large rocket. It recoiled and began to lose balance. Then another rocket slammed into the left leg and the Mech crashed to the ground. It attempted to stand up, but was hit my energy fire in the rear repeatedly, and then another missile before the entire Mech exploded. The tired runners looked to their right, and had never before been so happy to see the forces of Dome of York marching on their positions.
“Yes Precious, we are fashionably late, yes we is…” Sid rode amonst his forces. He had brought a legion of BETA warbots, Scythe-bots and Ceres War veterans.
“ATTACKKK….. I R l337!!!! “ Sid yelled and the forces lunged forward. The forces of Tokyo II diverted and the two crashed head on.

The BETA Warbots went head to head with the Raijuta’s. Though the Raijuta’s had more armour and a greater variety of weapons, the BETA warbots outnumbered them, and had regenerative abilities.

The Shinobi-warriors were stalking Sid, figuring if they killed him, this force would lose focus or even retreat. The Ceres troopers were looking for them but could not find them. But, as the Ceres troopers looked, the laser pointer out the side of their head would run across an area of nothingness and yet the beam would be cut short. Instantly the troopers would fire and the Shinobi-warrior would be unstealthed.
“You seeing that?” Zane said.
“Damn straight.” Trillian replied. Everyone who had put a laser pointer on their Liberator and had endured the laughs of people saying it was useless suddenly were vindicated, as they began ripping Shinobi ass up with Libby fire.

The Bladers clashed with the Scythe-bots in terrifying fashion. Sharp steel was swinging left and right. The Scythe-bots were neither as fast nor as strong as the Bladers, but again, they had numbers on their side.

Those that did not have Liberators opened fire on the Raijuta’s and slowly but surely beat them down. The Firewreathe pilots were getting airsick by now, but still continued to fight against the Choppers, although their advantage of manoeverability was narfed.

13 hours, 17 minutes and 52 seconds and the battle started, it ended. Most runners were not even thinking about getting back to their comfy apartments. They were going to sleep where they were, huddled up in groups next to a Rhino. Darkness had fallen again and Sid was talking with some of those that were still standing.
“Precious says they has more stuffs up norths. Big floaty tings out on the water, yess precious…”
“Sounds like they came over in ships. What are we gonna do about that?” Trillian asked.
“I have something else of more importance you all need to hear.” Warlock said.
“Yeah dude, where you been all this time?” Reef asked.
“I shall explain tomorrow. Our time runs short my friends, we must be swift. Gather everyone back into Neocron and tomorrow I will explain whats going on.” And with that, everyone split up to help get their forces back home for a long nights sleep.

D minus 184 days.

For the 2nd time in just a few days, Plaza 1 was packed with runners. Even Insidious Wolf had been allowed to enter to hear the announcement. A gradual hush fell over the enormous crowd as a striking individual, dressed in black, stood atop the balcony of Medicare to make his grand speech to the masses.
“Zion!!! Hear me! I am…accckkk” Morpheous was pushed off the balcony by Warlock.
“You got your own MMORPG coming out, go be prophetic over there.” Warlock growled. (Big Red Subtitles slam down “OUT OF CHARACTER!!!”).
The improv mosh pit members threw Morpheous to the ground and once again returned their attentions to the speaker.
“Ladies and gentlemen, let me first lay out the facts for you before we go any further,” Warlock began his speech. Those in FART knew that Warlock’s speeches, while often being very important, were also very long, and hence had all taken up seats wherever they could find them, “for those that were not aware, Reza is dead. And so too is his clone. Currently CityAdmin is leaderless, which some might say is no bad thing, but that is irrelevant. The Agratharia has been destroyed, and nothing could be salvaged from its remains,” at this many heads hung low, “we have roughly 180 days till the SWG effect destroys our world, and now the populace of Tokyo II has declared war upon us. And even if we could finish the other cruiser, and get it tested, loaded with passengers, and get it into space without being shot down, it would only be able to carry half of us. Which means that as of right now, one in every two people standing here is guaranteed to die, probably more.” At this the crowd started looking around aprehensively, as if the person next to them was somehow going to steal their chance of survival. .cylon walked over to Reefsmoker.
“Your boy seems to just be riling people up. Shouldn’t he be calming people down?” Centuri growled.
“Ease up .Cylon. He does a lot of these speeches, he knows what he’s doing.” Their attention returned to Warlock.
“Now some of you might be thinking ‘well that’s still a 50/50 shot, not bad for the end of the world. But if you look at the fact that Tokyo II effectively has air superiority in the Wastelands now, the chances of a successful launch are next to nothing,” more agitation, “so… things look bad. And how did this happen you all ask? Well, we never factored the population of Tokyo II into the equation of how many we would need to evacuate, so they’re pretty pissed about us leaving them to die, but that’s not the whole problem. The reason we couldn’t factor them in is because we never hear or see anything from Tokyo II. Last time we sent someone there, they were turned away. And we can’t really get readings on them from this distance either. So if that’s true for us, how did they even know about the Agratharia?” A lot of puzzled looks ensued, “well, this should answer that.” Warlock signalled to the technicians and the Wanted sign outside Medicare changed to show a picture of a building in Tokyo II; the Sony Building to be precise, with what looked like an important figure and a dark individual in Armani Powerarmour.
“Oh UBER PANTS!!! MJS is after us again? That’s just what we needed.” Centuri spat out.
“Indeed. I doubt he’s ever given up his manic quest to annihilate the Pluto universe from existence. So because of his intervention, we now have an attack fleet parked in the North Sea, those freakin’ Banshee things screaming past our heads, and the end of the world in 6 months. At times like this, one can only really think about one thing…”
“BOOBIES!!!!” Eva and Shodough yelled out.
“Ok, two things.” Everyone chuckled, “but seriously, one can only think, there’s no way out, lets just pack it in. Well I am here to tell you all, that there IS a way out.” Everyone looked on confused, but hopeful.
“Some time ago I undertook a trek back to Regant’s Legacy. Using a modified Powerarmour that the boys at Phoenix Ltd were kind enough to churn out for me,” Zane and his team stood up and took a bow, “I was able to enter the submerged sections without drowning and investigate the SWG machine. Its impact hammers had driven into the fault line quite well, but they were all directed towards one particular section of the fault, one that would aim destruction to the North and to the East. This has left the South and West virtually untouched.”
“Yeah, but that was bad enough to doom the planet!” Bibliotequa yelled out.
“Well done, Betty gets a cookie for stating the obvious. McDanish, give him your crown.”
“I will not relinquish my crown.”
“Anyway… the fact is that if the machine had damaged the fault line in all directions, we’d have had longer, but the damage would be irreperable. But as it is, the way it was used has provided us with an opportunity for salvation. The fault line is tearing wider and wider, towards the North and East. If we can cause a tectonic shift that will force the land masses to the North and East to crush in on that growing tear, we can actually stop planetary destruction.” The entire crowd couldn’t believe what they were hearing. Warlock had the technicians show them the scans Warlock had taken from Dome of Yorks sensors when he’d barged in on Sid some months ago. Sure enough it displayed a fault line, quicly growing worse, heading Northeast through the Wastelands. If the tear reached the next major fault line in the Northern plateaus, the effect would be that that fault line would start to tear, and it would ripple into a dozen more, and that would be the end of the planet.
“How long do we have to pull off this solution? Do we still have 180 days?” Spanky yelled out.
“No, in 160 days, the tear in the Wasteland fault will reach a point where we will be having earthquakes like we’ve never had before. At this point the difficulty in pulling off a solution will grow exponentially. 10 days after that, the fault will trigger the Northern fault, and there is no stopping it. So if we cannot fix this within 170 days, we really are gonna be buried in a big, stinking pile of pants.”
“Great, so lets go fix that fault, I’ll get a shovel!” Morpheous said. A few laughed. A few thought he was serious and asked where they kept the shovels. One person who knew where they kept the shovels got one and hit one of the guys who asked.
“Well folks, this is where things get trickier. This is what must be done to solve the problem. We must set off 5 separate explosions, of no less than 50 megatons each, underground in 5 key places.”
“Why do I get the feeling we’re not going to like the locations?” Trillian asked. Warlock took a deep breath.
“Location One is under the Abbey of Crahn.” The Crahn sect just kind of looked around and nodded, saying that was ok.
“Well that’s very co-operative of you, however I must point out that the Abbey itself will probably be damaged if not destroyed by the shockwave.” They weren’t quite so happy about that, but after a few minutes discussion, they did concede it was better than Armageddon.
“Location 2 is under the Military base. This one will have to be deep, so drilling will have to start today to make the deadline.” The Mercs just cracked their knuckles and flexed their muscles.
“Gotta love Mercs for determination. Location 3 is underneath Dome of York. I have talked with Sid already, and he says if Tangent can devise a Drill weapon that can be attacked to Beta Warbots, he can drill to the required depth well before the required deadline.” Tangent R&D looked on that as a challenge. A few smiled and nodded their approval towards Sid.
“Now that’s where the easy ones end. Location 4 is… well there’s just no easy way to say this. Location 4 is directly under the centre of Tokyo II.” The crowd exploded in frustration.
“How in the hell are we supposed to get a bomb under there?” many called out.
“To accomplish this task, a task force will have to be sent to infiltrate Tokyo II, find a way underground, and place the bomb before the deadline. The saving grace here is that it does not matter how deep the bomb is for this location. In theory we could set it off on ground level and it would work. But the deeper the better. I was thinking NDA and Tangent could handle this one, but it seems they will be needed first to help develop and implement the drill technology for the first 3 locations, and secondly, they will be needed for Location 5. Thus, since we need a force that will be able to adapt to any condition and probably have to build drilling mechanisms out of anything once they get there, this job will fall to the Fallen Angels. Once a task force is selected, I will lead you to Tokyo II.” The Fallen Angels just nodded and wondered who would be going.
“And Location 5 will be to plant a 100 megaton warhead directly under the SWG machine in Regants Legacy.”
“Well that’s a childsplay assignment. What the hell are you sending us for?” Centuri resented not getting the high profile assignment.
“Childsplay huh? Have you looked at the Legacy today?”
“No I haven’t looked at the Legacy today you pants wearing pants eater. What’s that got to do with anything?” Again the technicians changed the view on the Wanted screen. Centuri’s shoulder’s slumped. The entire Legacy was covered in The Cells. They had retreated to their old home and were now covering the entire thing.
“NDA now has 160 days to completely kill The Cells, or everyone dies. Have fun with your childsplay assignment guys.” Warlock smirked. Centuri clenched his fist, and went to go buy some Poison modules from Yakarma’s.
“That is the plan ladies and gentlemen. Those that have not received a mission concerning these 5 locations will be working towards fighting off the Tokyo II forces currently berthed up north. Do not let them interfere in any way.” Warlock commanded.
“What about the 2nd cruiser. Do we continue with that?”
“NEXT, you have all the required materials, yes?”
“Yes we do. We can have it finished within the next 180 days, as long as that’s all we do.”
“So be it. NEXT will dedicate its efforts to the next cruiser. If all else fails its at least a slim chance.”
“So basically, we either dig these bomb holes, or we dig our own graves.” Eva morbidly put it.
“Get digging then.”

Until next part...

NERD Editor
27-08-03, 14:59
Issue 50: Part 2

The Days of Destruction Continue

D minus 180 days

After taking 4 days to rest, heal, and resupply, all the divisions were now prepared for the lengthy battle against time that they now faced.
NDA were drafting battle plans, and forging the best poison weaponry they could in preparation for an all out assault on the Legacy. It was their belief that a single strike, no matter how hard, would not finish the job. Instead they began planning a long-length barrage upon the Legacy; a sustained offence that would be able to last several days, perhaps even a week if need be. It was believed that if they did it this way, The Cells, which would follow their natural instinct and try to replicate, would slowly consume everything in their nearby area and would slowly but surely be ‘starved to death’. Upon hearing of this plan, most were quite surprised at NDA for coming up with such a well thought out and logical approach. It was not exactly atypical of the jarhead meatgrinder approach they took to every other situation of ‘shoot first, shoot later, shoot some more and when the dust settles see if anyone wants to talk. Then shoot them.’ ProtoPharma took a look at seeing if they could find a way to increase the power of a Holy Pestilence, which would be the primary weapon in the assault. It was also assumed that a flight of FireWreathes would be needed, and thus NDA became the first private clan to take posession of FireWreathe gliders.

Sid had returned home the day before. He opened the gates of Dome of York, and awaited the coming of engineers from Tangent Technologies to help with the excavation of the primary mineshaft. And while this writer is not a big fan of making comments in hindsight, it must be said it might have been nice if Sid had taken the time to look around his own home. Had he paid just a little bit of attention to the shadows it might have saved a considerable amount of grief later on. But, I digress…

The Mercs had marched home after 3 days of rest with the rest of Neocron. While it was noted that they had arrived late and had only had to fight with the Raijuta’s, it was also noted that had they not been there, the forces of Neocron probably would have been unable to hold out against them long enough for the York troops to arrive. Now as they returned home to tear the hell out of Sector 3 in preparation for the drills, they all wondered where the entrance to ACME Headquarters was. They were fairly certain it had been in sector J 04, but it could not be found. Obviously ACME felt its time to fully step out into the light had not yet come. The Mercs returned home to their military green corridors the same day they left Neocron. Immediately, with the enthusiasm and strength that the City Mercs are legendary for, they all trooped down to Sector 3, found a nice quiet space and started blowing the hell out of the floor. Gentanks were seen loaded up with piles of plasitcrete, steel and rubble, walking up the main lift shaft and dumping them outside. By the time the day ended, the Mercs, without any proper digging equipment had already dug a hole 20 metres deep and as wide as a football field.

The Crahn sect were perhaps the most unhappy of all. Yes, they had seen the necessity in placing the bomb, and yes they had agreed to it, but unfortunately they had not thought about the fact that drilling would make it unbearable to live in the Abbey. Hence that night the entire Crahn Sect spent the night squatting in the Concentre. Before they could ever consider helping in the digging effort, their first mission had to be to find somewhere to live.

Which left the last of the Five. The Fallen Angels had been working out the squad to send to infiltrate and effectively bomb Tokyo II. They had asked for volunteers and oddly enough everyone had volunteered, so they wound up holding a ballot. In the end the squad was determined.

Trillian would be taking charge of the operation. Warlock would of course be going to lead them there. Evangelion and Zhut would be going as Passive support. Keyser Soze and Crono would be going as Tank support. Diesel and McDanish would be going as the APU assault team. Tricia McMillan, Vain, Download and ReefSmoker would be going as Infiltrators. Zane Shadowfall, Lisa Davitt and [TGR] Killer would be going as fire support. E.b.e would be going as the shared sex toy. After a quick recount it was decided that E.b.e. would be staying behind. All the guys suddenly had more free load as they threw away a few boxes of some rubber garments.

And so it was that the Council Leader Trillian left the management of Tech Haven in the hands of Syntax-Error and the Tokyo 15 set out just after dusk.

MJS sat atop a cliff in the north looking out over the wastelands. As he marvelled at the world he had brought forth, and observed the frantic goings on of the mortals within it, he could only think one thing:

He couldn’t wait to see it all go boom.

D minus 179 days

“Good morning everyone.” Reefsmoker said to everyone as they began to stir. They had camped by the oasis just north of El Farid, and Reef had guard duty that night. Throughout their slumber he had sat on a rock, puffing away. He was in no concern about running out of stash this time. Half his max load was taken up with his basic necessity.
“Uhhhh, morning,” Lisa staggered up, “not the same getting up without Kramer here.”
“Maybe you should try Eva’s tactics then.” Reef pointed out. Eva was untangling herself from a giant pile of limbs on the ground, a big grin on her face.
“What up peeps?” Vain and Diesel, having been part of the tangle also woke quite well. Killer had been hauled into the tangle against his will and wasn’t quite sure whether he’d liked it all that much.
Trillian and Trica had fallen asleep under a tree and were awoken when Download fell out of the tree and onto them. As Trillian awoke with a start, she kicked out and sent McDanish rolling into the lagoon. He stood back up, not looking too thrilled.
“I am wet.” He stated.
“Mmm, so am I” Eva grinned.
“SHUT UP EVA!!” everyone yelled. Eva just went back trying to find her thong.
Now, if you’ve never seen a tank wake up from a nights sleep, you really should, because it’s a sight to behold. The two gentanks were lying out like logs, not moving an inch. They had been undisturbed throughout everyone’s antics. Nor would they be disturbed. When a Gentank goes to sleep, he thinks of a wake-up time. The Gentank race was designed with a basic internal alarm clock. Whatever time a Gentank thinks of before falling asleep would be the time he or she woke up. So bang on 0630 the two Gentanks, as ordered, awoke. From lying down flat, the two suddenly rose in a single motion like something out of a bad Vincent Price vampire flick to standing at attention. Their eyes opened and the eyeballs were rolled back in their skulls. All of a sudden in complete unison, Keyser and Crono began to speak.
“GOOD MORNIN’ NEOCRON!!!!! It’s 0630 in the morning here in the gritty desert and all is well. Todays weather forcast is for sand, sand and more sand. There’ll be a patch of sunshine followed by a long bout of crap hitting the fan. Another beautiful day! And… gaahhhh” All of a sudden their eyes rolled back into place and the two started moving around as if nothing had happened. Everyone else could only stare at the bizarre genetically programmed wake up call that all Gentanks performed when they woke up.
Diesel and McDanish quickly began the morning meditation session, to which Zhut and Eva promptly joined in on. All Psi Monks start the day with a morning meditation, although the style of meditation differs from Monk to Monk. For Eva, she would hold two hands in front of her with one finger extended from each, close her eyes and try to make them meet. For Zhut it was to closely examine her navel lint. For Diesel it was some kind of powering up session that seemed similar to something one used to see in DragonBall Z cartoons. For McDanish, it was cooking breakfast, pastries of course, with a side of fries. Zane was the last to rise, his cowboy hat shielding him from the sun’s evil rays longer than the others.
The fourteen travellers got their gear in order and prepared to set out.
“Ugghhhh, this backpack is killing me,” Diesel moaned, “you know, when we get back, I’m gonna have a long talk with those brainiacs in NEXT. They can come up with Firewreathe gliders and mechs and APC’s and some special thing they’re planning to use on the Tokyo Battleships in the North Sea,but they can’t invent something as useful as a freakn Cart. Look, we got two mules here,” he pointed at the Gentanks, “we should be able to hook them up with a cart, with a couple of cabinets on the back and use that to carry supplies around with.”
“Hmn, not a bad idea Diesel, but there’s this small matter of saving Neocron. First lets deal with this major fault, and then you can talk about adding new vehicles.” Reefsmoker looked up at the camera and winked. Everyone wondered where the camera had come from.
“Hey, where’s Warlock?” Lisa asked.
“Oh him. He got up an hour ago and started doing his Hermit bit. Apparently its against the Hermit code to just eat out of your rashions, so he’s off hunting his breakfast down.”
“Well that’s just peachy keen. We’re now stuck here till he finishes chasing down ingredients for Rattlesnake soup.” Killer growled.
“Actually I’m the one waiting for you noisy buggers,” Warlock growled. He was standing under the shade of a tree not far off, picking his teeth.
“Nice breakfast?” Eva smirked.
“Not bad, little spicy.” He remarked as he began hiking northwards. As the others followed on, they spotted a Terrormauler with only 3 legs hobbling away.

A little before noon the troop had to begin moving very slowly. Their journey would take them north, up along the coastline of the North Sea, past the northern cliffs of the desert. This would however, lead them dangerously close to the Tokyo fleet berthed in the harbour. Because of this, the troop had to crouch walk along the coast, being particularly careful to be quiet. At this point, it is this writers belief that all the other classes were never so jealous of spy’s as at that moment. The spy’s just activated their high level stealth boosters and took a nice long run for as long as the stealth lasted. Then when it wore off they would find cover and await the recharge before starting again. And thus they proceeded at a casual running pace, without any real stresses. The Private Eyes to a degree were doing the same, but they could never cover the same distances. The encumbered Gentanks swore under their breath as they hobbled along with a full pack load, walking on their hands and knees as quietly as they could and hoping their armour didn’t rattle. The Monks were equally at a disadvantage as they were not used to sneaking around, but rather striding around with style, like they pwned the place.

Five hours later they had cleared the fleets’ visual range and were able to walk normally again. They had now entered an area that only Warlock had ever seen before. The volcanic pits of the North.
“Be cautious as you walk everyone,” Warlock suggested, “this area’s become a lot more active since the SWG effect began. When I walked up this way a few months ago it was quite calm. You just had to watch out for the magma pits and loose ash. On my way back last week though, whole different story.”
“Why? What changed?” Trillian asked.
“Well the magma pits levels are higher, so the heat is far more intense as you pass by. There’s fissures, some as small as your hand, others as large as Twilight Guardians that vent steam and ash up at random intervals.”
“Oh great… any other tips you’d like to give us, you know, now, after we’ve been walking through this hellhole for an hour.” Vain moaned. Warlock turned to glare at him, then looked around quickly.
“Get your armour off.”
“What? Why?” many asked.
“Cause up ahead its gonna get to temperatures closing in on boiling point. Do you really want to be wearing heat conductive armour in heat like that?”
“Well what about Inquisition armour? Surely that will help?” Crono asked.
“Inquisition armour deals with fire damage, not heat. The metals in your armours will only serve to hold and increase the temperatures around you.” Somewhat reluctantly, everyone began to remove their armour and bag it.
“So um, not wanting to sound the nag here, but what happens when night falls. Is it possible to walk across this place at night? Will marching all night get us out of here in a day or two, cause if it will I’m all for going without sleep for a night or so if it means we don’t have to stay here.” Diesel asked. Warlock nearly cracked a grin at Diesel’s determination, but it ended up just being a readjustment of his scowl.
“Our journey through Volcano Plains will take 8 days.” Everyone shot a look of despair at Warlock.
“That long…”
“Though your determined effort to get us out of here might bring that down to 4 or 5 days, it is unfortunately not possible. Travelling by night is impossible. We need full light to guide our steps or we will end up in one of the crags or worse. Once full darkness falls we will make camp where we are. But do not fear, there is an… establishment… of sorts, up ahead.”
“An establishment? What kind of establishment?” Eva asked.
“Wait and see. At the very least you will find it more comfortable than this walk. It is cool, shaded, and surrounded by actual wildlife.” Everyone just shrugged and figured they weren’t exactly in a position to question their guide.

NERD Editor
27-08-03, 15:00
As dusk fell, the 15 travellers found themselves stepping out of the hot ashfields and onto a grassy tundra. The tundra continued up a gradual hill. They walked up the cobbled and well tended path to the top of the hill where their eyes watered at the sight. A literal oasis of foliage and life was before them. An artificial lake was the centrepiece of the large plateau. It was surrounded by chairs facing the lake, and umbrella’s hanging over them. To the northern end of the field there was a group of stalls, all being run by nomad traders, but unlike the normal nomad traders they were used to seeing, these ones were not wrapped up in black cloaks and looking quite unfriendly. Instead they were wearing pants that ended at their knees and wide rimmed hats on their heads. They wore no clothing around their chests, aside from the odd necklace adornments. To the west side there was a large veranda, built off the side of the plateau like a pier. It faced out across a lava river which was a stunning sight. There were two attendants on the veranda. At the south end, where they had just come up, there were animals roaming around. Not the Wasteland animals that they were used to, the type that would bite your head off if you didn’t shoot them first, or if Vain didn’t sodomise them. No, these were domesticated animals. They were quite possibly the strangest creatures any of them had ever seen. They seemed so… harmless, that no one could understand how they could survive. Especially the one that was closest. In a landscape surrounded by fire and magma, it seemed utterly ridiculous to see a creature wearing a wooly coat. The strange beast stood on all fours with a white woolen fabric surrounding its being, and it constantly made a ‘baaaa’ noise. Now as if that wasn’t enough, to the other side of the path was a mudpit with several pinkish animals with curly tails and a stubby nose. They made snorting noises and wallowed around in the mud.
“Are you sure this place is safe? These are the freakiest creatures I’ve ever seen.” Tricia asked.
“Relax, they’re weird alright, and damn ugly, but they’re harmless.” Warlock replied.
“How do things like this even survive? They’re so harmless its pathetic.”
“Well apparently, the owner of this place calls them ‘livestock’. It seems that they can’t fend for themselves, so instead they have this really weird survival skill. Apparenlty, because they’re so pitiful, people feel sorry for them and start taking care of them.”
“That’s how they survive? By getting people to protect them?”
“Yeah well the owner said there was another reason, but last time I was here I couldn’t figure it out.”

They moved up the path from the ‘livestock’ and moved towards the east section. Here there was a large building, roughly the size of your average outpost, but without the walls. The main building had accomodations; apartment size rooms with coolant systems for the air and these attendants who would bring food to you on demand. Closest to the pool was an outdoor area with a thatched roof covering it and open air seating. Behind the seats was a restaurant, like Chez Sypher, but much larger, and it actually had people in it. The entire complex had attendants, all female, walking around in gear similar to the stuff the mutant sluts in Club Veronique wore, but somehow it seemed less sleazy and more provocative.
“War, what is this place?” ReefSmoker asked.
“Um… the owner called it… let me remember… ah yes, Vatican City.” Everyone looked around in awe.
“That’s Vacation City, Mr. The Hermit. Welcome back. I see you’ve brought friends this time.” A slender man in a white suit approached them.
“Callash, good to see you again.” Warlock shook his hand. And sure enough, everyone looked and recognised the EGOS Callash. It had put them off a bit seeing him in civilian clothing.
“Callash? What are you doing here?” Zane asked.
“Well even I need a moment to get away from it all, and lets face it, the Higher Plain isn’t that interesting. Its all fluffy white clouds and Pez mocking Critter and Critter trying to push Pez off the cloud and…. Well anyway, in my spare time I’ve been creating Vacation City, in the hope that when its ready we’ll see more runners heading this way!” Everyone looked round at the city Callash had made. Sure enough, all the scantily clad girls were part of the Traders Union, all working diligently at their task. Callash had a knack for placing Traders Union personnel in key places.
“So, will you all be staying long?” Callash inquired.
“No, not this time. We have a tight schedule, and we can’t delay this early on in our journey. So we’ll just be here for an overnighter.”
“AWWWW!!!! Come on War, how often do we get to be at places like this? I wanna cut loose!” Vain yelled. Eva was getting antsy already.
“Look if we save the world, we’ll stop off here on the way back. How’s that?”
“Wow, like saving the world wasn’t enough motivation, now we really got a reward!” Eva jumped around Vain, bouncing.
“Ahh I see, you’re off to try and fix the faultline.” Callash nodded.
“Well if you know what we’re doing, why don’t you try to help. For that matter, why aren’t the EGOS getting involved?” Trillian asked. The others all looked at Callash expectantly.
“Killerbunneh is why.” Everyone groaned. Warlock clenched his teeth and figured it was rabbit season when he got back.
“What’s he done now?”
“He’s erected a barrier of some kind. Now it is impossible by word or action for an EGOS to intervene in any way that will interfere with the destruction of the Pluto Universe.”
“And I’ll take one good guess who’s pushing Bunneh to do that.”
“If your guess involves 3 letters, you’re on the money.”
“Never mind then. We’ll need 15 rooms, dinner and breakfast and I might need to talk to you about the status of the routes north.” Warlock stated.
“Of course. Please, everyone, make yourselves at home. As a special treat for this brave group, I shall give you all a special treat. Tonight, you shall learn the true reason why ‘livestock’ are able to exist Warlock.” Warlock raised an eyebrow, and could not wait to answer that riddle.

Two hours later, they had relaxed in ways they never thought they would be able to on this trip. Vacation City truly was the best place they’d ever been. The girls were by the pool, each wishing they’d brought something a bit better for swimming. Vain, Zane, Download and Killer were on the veranda. It turned out that the veranda was made to accommodate a special sport that one could only participate in at VC. The attendants explained to them the nature of the sport.
“See folks, in the lava river out there, there actually live some very rare creatures. These creatures are impossible to touch, as their skin is as hot as molten lava itself. They’re also notoriously tough if they’re close to the river, as their endurance to pain and injury is nothing short of invincible. But… if they ever get too far away from the lava, their skin begins to cool and harden, and then they are vulnerable. The first is the Pyrat. It’s basically a giant rat that breathes fire. If you can ever kill one of these, in its chest is a rare treasure to have. The sternum bone of their chests can be extracted and used to make Coldfire Ammunition.”
“Whats Coldfire ammo? I’ve never heard of that one.” Zane asked.
“Coldfire ammo is an ammo type that works in a very peculiar way. First the bullet exits the weapon and immediately liquifies. The bullet them impacts with the target in liquid form and splash over a large surface. Almost instantly it then freezes solid and becomes bound to the object. Then, once it is bound it begins heating up till it reaches the same temperature as lava and eats through whatever it is bound to. If used against a runner wearing armour, it will eat through any armour within 15 seconds, and thus the victim must remove their armour or die. And of course if they do remove their armour, their chances of dieing is vastly increased as well. And as for creatures that do not wear armour, one shot will kill them in 60 seconds or less, depending on their size.”
“Incredible. You said creatures though right? What else?”
“Well next is Cerberus. If you guys do try this, and you’re lucky enough to encounter a Cerberus, I would suggest you don’t try to catch and kill one. The Cerberus is a breed of Giant doglike creatures. Each one is roughly as tall as a Grim Persecutor and a lot faster. They attack by biting, so of course ranged attacks are wiser, but as I said, they can move at a frightening speed. Worse still is they all have two heads. So again I stress that you need a fair bit of practice before hunting these fell beasts. But when you can catch one, the reward is great. The skin of a Cerberus, even when it cools down and hardens, will serve as the best armour you’ve ever worn. It can be forged into a powerarmour that is one hundred percent resistant to fire and explosives.”
“100%??? That’s incredible!” Vain exclaimed.
“Indeed it is sir. To date, only Callash has ever managed to slay a Cerberus, as it came up and tried to attack one of the pool girls, which is how I know the armour can be made. He has made one such armour and it now hands as a trophy in the Higher Plain.”
“Why do I sense that this isn’t as bad as they get?” The attendant hung his head for a second.
“Once a month or thereabouts, during the night, while standing on this veranda, we have seen one other creature in the river. Or rather, I’m not quite sure we can call it a creature. It seems some time ago a few Warbots had begun venturing this way and were swept into the lava river. But they were not destroyed. Somehow they have adapted and now they are part organic, part lava and part mechanical. And their power is terrifying. We once saw one of them come out of the river on the far side, where it was attacked by three Cerberus’. The warbot crushed one with its foot, exploded another with a small nuclear explosion fired from its shoulder launcher, and annihilated the 3rd one in a way we couldn’t see, but there wasn’t much left when it was done. We’ve named it the Apocalypse Warbot. I have never seen one be killed, ever.” The 4 members of the squad looked out across the lava river in awe. What suprises these new lands held, and what kind of loot could they get from an Apocalypse Warbot if they could find a way to destroy one.
“Ok, so how do we hunt them?”

ReefSmoker was busy introducing the resorts employees to weed, and was trying to determine if any of the foliage around the resort could be used in the same way. Crono and Keyser were enjoying a swim. McDanish had invaded the restaurant and was exchanging cooking knowledge with the head chef. Which left Warlock sitting by himself under the restaurants canopy. Callash joined him.
“So, do you have a chance?” Callash asked.
“A chance? Yeah, probably. There isn’t much room for error, and everywhere I look there is errors aplenty to run across. I mean, just look at us. We’re only one of the five teams that have to complete their missions, and we’ve got literally months of travel to cover. It’ll be 3 weeks before we reach the next real sign of civilisation once we leave here, and if I tell them that, we may never get going again.”
“Well lets assume you can get to your destination. Can you get the bomb into place in time?”
“That’s another concern. I don’t know where the hell we’re gonna place this thing. If we leave it topside it’ll take out a large chunk of the city, and guarantee a full scale war between them and us. If we get it underground there might be a chance to explain after, but I can’t think of where we could dig undetected to do that. Ugghhhh, this is making my head hurt.”
“Heh, well here, have a drink and think about it tomorrow.”
“Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die, eh?”
“Damn straight. Cheers.” The two downed a shotglass of some obscure alcohol that tasted like construction grease and burned like napalm.

NERD Editor
27-08-03, 15:02
“… so how do we hunt them?”
“You use this grapple launcher, and try to latch onto a Pyrat. Its quite a distance, so you have to try and account for the fact that they’ll be moving and the lava rivers current will move them as well. If you can successfully hit and grapple, you hit the auto-winch button fast and it hauls the Pyrat up towards here. Then you get down the stairs over there fast and get ready to fight it before it can chew thrrough the grapple. Then you kill it fast before it can retreat to the river or kill you.” The attendant informed. Killer, Vain, Zane and Download were watering at the mouth with anticipation of hunting these things, so the attendants handed them two grapple rifles and they got to work. The first few attempts saw Vain narrowly miss grabbing a Pyrat and Killer the proud captor of a big rock.
“I’m glad you’re coming with us Killer. I feel so much safer about all those menacing rocks we’re gonna be passing by.” Zane joked. Killer cracked the rock over his skull and Zane wasn’t laughing anymore. Twenty minutes later Download managed to grapple a Pyrat.
“Ok, lets move!” The four ran down the steps just as the Pyrat melted the grapple. It looked at the four and glared. Then it coughed up a fireball at them. Zane dived out of the way, Download got hit in the knee
“Arrghhh I’m wounded!” Download yelled.
“MEDIC!!!” Eva ran to the veranda and waved her boobies at Download and he was immediately rejuvinated, althoug his knee still hurt. They began blasting the rodent with plasma and fusion fire, but it was having no effect. All of a sudden, Zane tipped his hat and grinned.
“I have a plan!!!”
“I’m not gonna sodomise it.” Vain retorted.
“I have another plan… CRONO!!!” Crono got out of the lake and ran over.
“What? Hey whats with the flame grilled feeling rat?”
“Use your freezer cannon on it.”
“Uhhh… ok.” Crono hauled his freezer cannon out of ….somewhere (he was only wearing speedo’s after all so the physics don’t make much sense). He fired at the rat and it slowed to a crawl. Its skin hardened and it tried to walk forwards. Crono fired again. This time it stepped forward but one of its feet snapped off. It then came to a halt. Zane walked over towards it and pulled out his whip.
“Astalavista, ratty.”
“Didn’t we do this Terminator parody in a previous issue?” Vain asked.
“Yeah, Issue 30, you know when Foyle grabbed the coolant pipes on the cryo-freezers for the Deltagens and ….”
“Yeah ok… the point is its been done. This story’s been going on too long. NERD Editor is running out of material…” Vain said firmly. From out of nowhere a horde of NERD fans ran over and beat him to a bloody pulp.
“Yeah, lets go get this bone stuff.” And the 3 who were still standing went over and dragged the now dead Pyrat back up to the veranda, where the very impressed attendants showed them how to extract the useful loot from the carcass.

That night, the 15 sat down at a long banquet table, and Callash had the bikini girls bring in the main course. They removed the dish lid to unleash a smell hereuntoforth unknown to them. It was incredible. So full of flavour, so rich with meaty wonder.
“Oh My Lioon, we get to eat an actual meal!!” McDanish stated. An echo from far away was suddenly heard.
“…..you BASTIDS!!!….” Shodough had spazzed again.
“What is it Callash?” Lisa asked.
“This is called Roast Lamb.” The wooly creature outside, once stripped of its fluff and cooked correctly, turns into this delightful meal.
“What was the name of that creature again?” Warlock asked.
“A cat.”
“Ahhh.” They all began to eat, and their faces brightened as if a fusion round had just crashed into them. The taste was like nothing they had ever eaten. The addition of a few herbs that grew around the lake added even more potency to the meal.
“This is the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth!” Eva squeeled.
“And coming from her, that’s saying a lot!” Reef chimed in. A fork went flying past his ear.

Later that night, everyone retired to their respective rooms (respective in that most were too drunk to find their own room, so they wound up in A room).

D minus 178 days

The next morning everyone arose around 7 am and had a breakfast of fruit and lamb leftover. Then they put on their packs once again and set out. As they began walking, Callash called Warlock over.
“You know he’s not gonna like this, right?”
“Yeah well, one thing at a time. In order for me to worry that he’s gonna piss in my pool, I kinda have to save the pool first.”
“Best of luck to you all.” Callash yelled. And with that they set off again.
“So, whats our course today?” Trillian asked.
“Its all just gravel and heat for the next 7 days friends, so grit your teeth, this part won’t be pleasant.”
“And at the end of 7 days, can we expect anything like VC?”
“Well…. You’ll see.”

Meanwhile back in Neocron…

The Board of NEXT was meeting to discuss their plans.
“Well projections say that with only half our manpower we can have the Ethalica finished within 120 days.” Gaven Parker, Human Resource Director of NEXT stated.
“Half? Should we not be dedicating all our manpower to finishing this project?” Hamish Haggis interjected.
“We did that with the Agratharia, and look what happened. The cruiser will never make it through a test launch, much less get anyone into space if we do not develop adequate weapons to combat the forces of Tokio.”
“I thought it was Tokyo….”
“Potato, potaato who gives a rat flesh? The point is, the Raijuta mechs make our mechs look like angry little children. The Banshee’s dominate the airspace and we have nothing that can even touch their carrier group in the harbour. We must finish the DD project before the Ethalica is ready to launch.”
“I agree,” chairman Randy Johnson wheezed, “the DD project must move forward. Tangent has already decided to complete the Phalanx Wall.”
“Well…. Seems things around here aren’t quite as doomed as we had once thought.” Hamish laughed maniacly. As happens at so many meetings, it was contagious and soon the whole board was laughing maniacly.

Also meanwhile, in Dome of York…

“Woah…. Dome of York Rox man, it rox!!! Sid, how’d you get such a sweet pad?” Morpheous asked.
“Cause I r l337 precious…”
“Right, cool, so like, is there a l337 club I can join, cause I want a place like this.”
“Stoopid Tangentses does nots upderstandss. DoY is Precious’ Precious. Cannot take, cannot have.”
“Why not?”
“Why nots? Why Nots??? I dunno why nots. Ok here’s.” Sid handed the keys of Dome of York to Morpheous.
“Oh My Lioon, Sid you rock!”
“Yess… Precious is l337, all bows before me’s.” It was at this point that Precious got out of the shower in Sid’s tear ducts and realised what he’d done.
“What’s Baka Precious?”
“It means Idiot in Japanese you BAKA!!!”
“Why’s me a baka Precious?”
“Cause you just gave Morpheous the keys.”
“Why’s that bads precious?”
“No needs to yells. Watch.” Sid walked over to Morpheous.
“Key inspector.” Sid said.
“Key inspector, oh my, here, I think you’ll find everythings in order.” Sid was already running down the hall.” (Guy in a suit comes running past “SIMPSONS, COPYRIGHT PAY UP!!!”)
“Hmn…. Dome of York is awful busy today,” Morpheous muttered as he got down to upgrading the BETA Warbots for drilling.

Another meanwhile…

“Umm…. What is this?” one of the diggers under Military Base asked.
“I don’t know.” Borris Vandal said. The Mercs began hauling a large cylindrical object out of the ground. An hour later, they found another one. By the end of the day they had nine of the cylinders. Each one was about 15 feet long and about 4 feet wide (that’s roughly 5 – 6 metres long, 1 & a half across for you metric types). They set them aside for later, for closer examination, and continued digging. By the end of the day the hole was now as deep as Tech Haven is tall.

D minus 171 days.

The 15 arrived at the estimated time on the other side of Volcano Plains. The march had been long and harsh, and sleep had been hard to come by. The fourth night had seen them awoken by a scream as Lisa was sent hurtling into the sky when the boulder she was lying on was shot upwards by a steam vent erupting below. Thankfully Crono’s ample head cushioned her fall.

As they came out of the field, the could see quite clearly now a small town ahead.
“Is that our destination?” Keyser asked.
“It is indeed old friend. Welcome to Crystal Fissure. This fissure is 10 miles long and 3 miles wide. Below are thousands of jagged rocks, formed over the years. The only way across is the Rope Carriage above.” And he pointed to the giant cables running from one side to the other. They could clearly see carriages, the size of 4 subway cars from back home long, dangling from the ropes. As they entered the town, they could see it consisted mostly of junk and debris. Obviously this port of call was very much a work in progress. Amidst the rubble, they were shocked to see yet another familiar face.
“CODI!!!!” Everyone yelled. Codi nearly jumped out of his pants at the sound.
“Woah, where’d you all come from?” Codi exclaimed.
“From Tech Haven.” Trillian responded.
“Ahh yes, the Texpedition eh? So I’m guessing you need to use the carriage.”
“That was the general idea Codi.” Warlock replied.
“Well, gimme a sec and I’ll get it running again.”
“It’s broken?” Reef asked.
“No not broken, I just took it offline for upgrades. Now its been ‘patched’ up like never before.
“You patched this thing? Oh no….”
“Oh don’t worry, I did a great patch.” Codi then pulled off his pants and reached inside, and pulled out a connector conduit and attached it inside the Carriages engine.
“Well come on, its not like we have a choice.” Warlock pushed them all in and they boarded the Carriage.
“Is this thing safe?” Killer asked.
“No, but what choice do we have. It’ll take us over a month to march around, whereas it takes 2 hours to cross using this.”

Everyone eventually relaxed as the carriage made its way across the ravine, which, despite the danger, was a breathtaking sight.
“Ok War, we’ve got time to kill. What’s up ahead?” ReefSmoker sat back.
“I don’t know if I should tell you.”
“Oh come on… we gotta go, so just tell us.”
“Fine. Once we cross the ravine, we get about a months fairly easy travel. There is a coastline area with functioning outposts we’ll be travelling. The climates pretty good and we can get supplies there. After that however, we will have to climb Mount Terafice in order to reach the Valley of Night.”
“Valley of Night? Mount Terafice?”
“Mount Terafice is like nothing you’ve seen in the Wastelands. The gradual mountainous regions around Tech Haven are like foothills compared to this one. We will march for 3 days without stopping through snow before we cross to the other side. It is not a pleasant part of the journey, and it is very likely the Snowsters will be out of hibernation at this time.”
“Oh horrible creatures they are. Imagine Killerbunneh if he was more stupid. That’s them. All the destructive power, none of the mental faculties. Anyway, once we’re past that we enter the Valley of Night. Sunlight only reaches into this valley for 1 hour a day, so it will be a virtual endless night when we are inside. I passed through that region as quickly as I could. And the villagers on the other side told me I was fortunate as at that time of year, there was little activity in the Valley. But we may not be so fortunate this time. From the moment we begin climbing Mount Terafice, everyone should be combat ready at all times.”
“And once we cross the Valley?”
“Then we bargain for passage to Tokyo II. If we can maintain the same pace we have so far, we should reach Tokyo II within 60 days.”
“Here’s hoping.” Trillian responded.
“Hmn… hope…”

Until next time (part 3 soon to follow)...

28-08-03, 13:18
I await for the next part! :)
Meanwhile back in the Phoenix Store, it's 9.01am Techhaven. The store had only been open 1 minute, and it was full of the sound of busy engineers and scientists working away.

The sound soon changed to a atmosphere of swearing and cursing when Brammers made the mistake of announcing that Pheonix had just recieved a order 1,000,000 PSI booster 3's.

Above the noise, Brammers looked at the next email - it was from the boss himself - Zane. He read the email to himself and smiled.

"Ok boys", Brammers shouts in the store, "Got word the boss won't be about today, let's pack up early."

There was a loud cheer, as all the engineers and scientists charged out of the doors as fast as possible. Brammer's picked up a PB20 drone and changed the store sign. "Out for lunch - find us in F.13"

28-08-03, 14:40
Brammers sat at the citycom, staring blankly at the screen, wondering how the hell one was going to get 1,000,000 PSI boosters done. He drank a little bit of coffee, and winced at the bitter taste. He found a sugar diamond and dropped it in the coffee, and tried to find sometime to give it a good stir. As normal, there was no spoons, so he picked up the spanner he found lying near by, and used it to give the coffee a good stir.

The shop doors opened, and Thonkus, the Chief Scientist walked in.

"Hello my good friend.", Brammers smiled.
"Hey Brammers, how goes it... and have the cabinets been re-arranged....again?", asked Thonkus.
"Yeah - we just was testing a new idea for the 101 uses of the cabinets."
"I see now.", Thonkus looked at the cabinet on the floor, finally spotting Syntax’s short pair of legs sticking out from underneath it. "Oh well…any orders that need sorting out?"
"Yeap, and you are not going to like it".

Brammers selected the PSI order from the citycom, and swung the screen around to show Thonkus. "Oh my…", as Thonkus read the quantity for 1,000,000 PSI booster. Brammers nodded slowly. "I’ve not entered it yet on our order system – this is going to take weeks to make."

"Hmm", Thonkus looked at the Citycom. "Give me that spanner a sec". Brammers handed over the sticky spanner that he used to stir the coffee with. Thonkus then proceeded to un-tighten the screw on the back of the Citycom, and then rotated the screen 180 degrees.
"What was that quantity again?"

Brammers smiled, "0000001…erm one….damm usless Tangent Technologies equipment always adding leading zeros to numbers." He then proceeded to add the order to the Phoenix ordering system.

"Job sorted then?", Thonkus asked.
"Good one…oh by the way what was Syntax testing the use of the cabinets for?"
"An idea for a headache cure...", replied Brammers.

NERD Editor
01-09-03, 00:01
Part 3:

D minus 170 days

Plaza 3 was alive with business and bustle this day. Most of the city work crews had the day off (as rest was important) and were relaxing within their city walls. A few however had gone to the public ‘FORUM’ and had been a bit stupid. So it was with no great surprise that they found themselves booted into the street outside Diamond Real Estate. Moments later a giant hammer wielding menace stalked out after them. Well, I say hammer, but what I really mean is the worlds largest Sledge. It was about 2 metres long, with a 1 metric tonne hammerhead on the end, the entire surface of which was covered in spikes.
The 3 perpetrators shrinked away on their hands and asses as Niddhog stomped forward.
“I don’t care whether its your day off or National Morons Day. This is MY FORUM. And in here thy shall obey The Commandments!!!” Lightning crashes. (feel free to play the mp3).
“Oh great Niddhog, wielder of the Mighty Hammer of Bannage, we fall prostate before thee.”
“That’s protrate, not prostate. Your prostate is the thing you weren’t controlling in there when you pissed on the wall.” Nid corrected.
“Errr… Oh great Niddhog, please enlighten us once more as to The Commandments of the Forum”
“Very well….” And the people did cometh to the foot of Niddhog, and there he bestowed upon them the 10 Commandments of the FORUM.
“1. You shall fear no other MODS before me, for I R Nid, And I will whoop thou spurious asseth with this great Hammer.”
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in Neocron, or that is in the servers beneath: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I Reakktor Media am a jealous Company, visiting the iniquity of the lawyers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that pirate me; And showing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commands and pay their subscriptions.
3. Thou shalt not misuse the name of Neocron, or its EGOS or its MODS, for we are cranky and don’t like it.
4. Thou shalt not have any other MMORPG before Neocron
5. Thou shalt not double post
6. Thou shalt always have a valid point when posting
7. Thou shalt not flame.
8. Thou shalt have a dictionary handy when posting, for 1337 is not a language, it be a headache in waiting.
9. Thou shalt not powerpost
10. Thou shall read NERD

Obey these commands and it shall go well with you. Break these commands and though shalt be struck down smitily to your 4th reroll.”
And all the people went away with renewed fear and awe of Niddhog. (NERD Note: Special thanks to Niddhog for helping to write these commandments, particularly # 2)

Meanwhile Tangent Technologies Command was making full preparations for their work for the next 2 weeks. With orders for work for NEXT’s special project, the new cruiser, the Phalanx Wall now being moved forward on the schedule, NDA’s call to kill The Cells, the City Mercs now requesting a LOT of demolition charges…. Business was good, but very frantic.

Meanwhile at Dome of York,

“But seriously, people want to come here!” Morpheous had been arguing his ass off with Sid all night as to why Dome of York should be available NOW (Big Red Subtitles slam down “THE FEELINGS MUTUAL!!!”). Unfortunately, Sid had an iron clad counterargument.
“I know you are but what am I?”
“I know you are but what am I?”
“Look, if people came here, you’d be the king of all those people.”
“I know you are but what am I?”
“ARRRGGHHHHH!!!!!” The conversation believe it or not had actually carried on like that for 15 hours before Morpheous first said ‘arrggg’. We at NERD Inc would like to extend our congratulations for his restraint.

Meanwhile at Tech Haven.

Syntax-Error had taken charge in Tech Haven after Trillian had left. As a keen tactician, she was determined to make sure that if any more ground forces attempted to invade the Wastelands, Tech Haven would withstand it. The wars of the last year between the Fallen Angels and Tangent Technologies, that had stained the blue halls red, had prepared the citizens for long term invasions and they were prepared, but the idea this time had to be to repell all invaders from making it inside. But finally, Tech Haven had an ace up its sleeve. So today, Syntax had gone to talk to that ace.
“Hello DEATH.” Syntax said. DEATH had been sitting in a corner of Tech Haven sector 2 welding plate steel over the walls, as it had been instructed.
“Greetings Fallen Angels runner. What can I do for you today?” DEATH politely replied.
“I want you to become a weapon of mass destruction.” Syntax cut to the point.
“Ah. Ok.”
“Since when do bots know sarcasm.”
“Since now. I’ve seen your bots try to fight, they can’t. I will not sacrifice myself if it means fighting alongside these piles of junk.”
“Well what would it take to convince you to help us defend Tech Haven?”
“What did you have in mind for me?” And so Syntax sat down at the FAB (Fallen Angels Bar) and explained to DEATH her plan for the defence of Tech Haven. Now, its not easy to gauge responses from a lifeless robot, but DEATH seemed to come alive and become quite animated as the explanation rolled on. It wasn’t long before the stick it called its head was nodding up and down in agreement to join the defence. Syntax was overjoyed, and now went to see Phoenix about part 2 of her plan.

Phoenix were also quite pleased with Syntax’ plans (and yes, to many FA’s this was a surprise. Some of Syntax’ other great plans in the past had not been so great, like the drink machine which looked like an olden day milkman, and you had to squeeze it between the legs to pump the drink out, or the plan where he tried to install a skylight in TH2 to make it more cheery and ended up dropping 6 tonnes of mountainside in on the poor vendors.) Phoenix immediately approved his request and got to work.
“Now all we need is a little time and a lot of firepower.” Syntax mused to herself.

On the other side of Crystal Fissure,

The Texpedition as Codi had called it had made it to the other side of the Fissure after dark, and had found a nice area to make camp. They had settled down for the evening and slept well after their long carriage ride. As morning rose on this day, they had awoken early and well refreshed and were now prepared to tackle the next section of their great trek.

As one looked northwards and eastwards from the Carriages landing point, one could see a giant hilly landscape. Dotted around were a few villages and 5 fortified outposts (which in point of fact from a distance looked far more menacing than the ones that were found in the currently mapped Wasteland. The 15 hauled their packs back on and began marching. By noon they reached the first village, a fairly empty location, but they were able to get up out of the marshy lands that they had been walking through and dry themselves under the noon sun.
“Is it just me or does it seem warmer here than it does back near Neocron?” McDanish asked.
“No, I think you’d be right there McD.” Reef replied.
“The people around here say that this is actually quite cool by their standards.” Warlock replied.
“We haven’t seen too many natives,” Lisa pointed out, “just those guys at VC, Codi and Callash.”
“Yes, we won’t see too many, if any at all till we reach Vagnass Fortress.”
“Did you go inside?” Trillian asked.
“No, and unless its necessary we probably won’t try this time either. This isn’t the time to be playing missionary with these folk. We should just move on or at worst get in and out as fast as possible.”
“Hehehehe Missionary…. In and out…. Heheheeh”
“SHUT UP EVA!!!” Everyone yelled.

After an hours break they began wading through the marshes towards the Fortress, as it was built on solid bedrock and would thus be easier walking. By 1500 Neocron standard they reached the bedrock and quickened their pace. That was until….
“Hold it right there!” A hidden sentry yelled. The 15 halted quickly, as a dozen armed guards sprang up from hiding spots and surrounded them.
“Who are you? Identify yourselves.” The sentry yelled.
“We are a party of travellers from the south, heading up past the White Mountain to see Balaran the Boatsman.” Warlock replied.
“You came this way before, didn’t you? Why have you returned so soon?”
“I went to see Balaran by myself. Now that I am convinced he is the man who can help us, I have brought my friends here to meet with him and talk business.”
“Uh huh…. And why do you travelled so heavily armed?” He looked at the large number of holstered weapons they were carrying.
“Be Safe in the Wastelands, that’s my clans motto!” Zane replied.
“You calling our beautiful fields a wasteland?” the sentry was enraged.
“Peace my good man, he means no disrespect to your lands. Where we come from the lands do not bear such life, and are rightly called the Wastelands, for a waste is all that they are now. He did not intend to infer any such title on the Watered Fields of Noir.”
“Noir?” Tricia asked.
“Yes, Noir. You others seem less knowledgeable than your well travelled friend, so for his sake I shall ignore your ignorance. This land you stand on.is that of Noir. For 6 months of the year, these lands are filled with water, and everything grows full and green, as you see it now. People rarely travel as it is difficult, but instead prepare for the time of harvest and choose to enjoy life.” The sentry explained.
“The lands are called Noir because for half the year, this land is full of water as you see it and the sun is always up, but during the other half, the water recedes and it will be constant night.” Warlock added.
“You are well informed traveller. It is during the Times of Noir that the 5 fortresses have battled against the creatures of the night, for during that time, their power is great. 40 years ago we struck down the creatures and took the land as our own finally. But we remember the Battles of the Long Dark and thus named our lands Noir.”
“That’s cool man.” Vain always liked war stories.
“Yes, it was…. Cool.” The sentry was not too familiar with the term but accepted the intention, “however now during the light months we have heard strange things. Giant whales with many men upon them and horrible screaming birds have passed across the sea heading south.”
“Yes, those ‘whales’ are called ships and they have been attacking our brethren to the south.”
“You fight against the masters of the whales?” Everyone was realising the sentry and his people were still a bit behind the times. It was often easy to forget that those who had not been exposed to the knowledge of the Ceres Discs were still living in a very basic, primitive fashion.
“Well, we don’t wish to fight with them, but they think we’ve tried to hurt them. Actually at some point in the future we will probably be trying to explain that to them.”
“Then today is a most fated day. Truly the Long Day has looked kindly on you. Some of the Whale Master’s have come to our city. They wish to speak with us about letting their birds nest near our city.”
“People from Tokyo II are here?” Diesel looked stunned.
“Tokyo… yes, they said they were from a place called Tokyo. Please, you must come with me anyway, as is our custom,” Warlock nodded, knowing that to refuse would cause far more problems, “and then you shall have a chance to speak with the Whale Masters. No weapons are allowed within the city, so you will be quite safe.” Everyone winced at the thought of going to face the Tokyo representatives without weapons. But like it or not, they walked to the city and surrendured their weapons. All except the Monks. For the people of Noir had never seen Psi Monks before. And neither in fact had the people from Tokyo II. Hence none of them had ever seen a Psi Gauntlet, and thus did not recognise it as a weapon.

They walked into the main square of Vagnass Fortress and met with the leaders of the Fortress and with the Tokians. They were shorter than most, with black hair and elongated eyes. But what they lacked in height they made up for in presence. Each Tokian stood in magnificent clothing, each one with carefully embroidered patterns of beasts, birds, creatures and plants. The colours were incredible, far better than anything the Outfitters back home had to offer. Each one also bore on their left hand a control panel, similar to a wrist mounted hacktool, but with far more options.

What perhaps should be noted was that the impressions the 15 had got of the outpost from afar were nothing compared to what they were thinking now. The outpost by far and large dwarfed all of the ones they had back home, being twice the diameter of the largest fortress. The outpost had battlements going all the way around the wall, where armed guards could stand and look out over the wall to see approacing people and vehicles. But perhaps even more impressive than all of that; the outpost actually had a gate. Once they had all stepped inside, the operators sealed the gate and the outpost became a true fortress. There was nowhere somone could just walk in. Furthermore, once the gate closed, large missile racks on the top of the battlements became active and started tracking for targets.
“Geez, this place has turrets that can target stuff outside the outpost, and everyone inside can fight from the inside while the gate holds people out! This is like the perfect outpost!” Crono whispered.
“Makes you wonder what went wrong with ours.” Keyser grumbled.

NERD Editor
01-09-03, 00:02
The Tokians were none too pleased to see them, but as their hosts were receiving the Texpedition warmly, they restrained themselves. The 15 sat down on one side of the room, facing the Tokians on the other side.
“Welcome travellers. Our city becomes most busy this day. Two sets of travellers have come together. This is a most blessed day.” The city elder, Nanchuu said.
“Thank you Honoured Elder. We come on a long journey that is far from over, but perhaps the Long Day has granted us good fortune to meet these travellers, as we had need to speak with them at some point in our travel.” Warlock said. The Tokians scowled.
“Indeed, the Long Day must be shining its light upon you.”
“Honoured Elder,” Aoi Jinei, head of Tokyo Strategic planning spoke up, “these travellers seek only to deceive. These are the evil ones of the south I mentioned, who have caused the earth to shake and now seek to leave us all to die!” The people of the city looked on and gasped.
“Is this true?” Nanchuu asked.
“No Elder,” Reef took his turn to talk, “the one who caused the earth to shake has already died. She was killed by a horrible creature that has been stalking the south, that kills and then turns its victims into more of themselves.” Again the cityfolk gasped in horror. The Tokians were not convinced.
“So the one who doomed us all is dead? How convenient?” Jinei replied.
“Hardly. This woman has set off a machine that if unchecked will destroy our whole world.” A few darted looks at Reef, wondering if he was giving away too much information, “That is what has brought us to the lands of Noir. We are searching for a solution to this calamity.”
“Is there any hope?” Nanchuu asked.
“There was. Some of our brethren had built a great vessel that could carry many thousands of lives away to a new land if we could not stop the destruction. But alas, thanks to a misunderstanding, the Whale Masters destroyed that vessel.” More gasps. This statement caused Jinei to twitch a little.
“Do you think you can find a solution?”
“It is difficult. Even now the Whale Masters do not believe that we wish to stop the destruction. They blame us and thus are attacking us. This is making it harder for us to find a solution.”
“You Lie. You started this!” Jinei yelled.
“I’m sure you believe that, but even if we did start it. We’re trying to fix it, what are you doing?” At this Jinei was silenced. It was true the Tokians had no plan to stop the destruction, merely to exact revenge for their inevitable deaths on the Neocronians before it was too late.
“This is most troubling. Whale Masters, we must ask you not to attack the travellers brethren!” Nanchuu said.
“You would choose their side so easily?” Jinei narrowed his eyes.
“They are trying to save our world. That means they have chosen everyones side.” The 15 were all grinning at this now. Jinei wasn’t.
“They are akuma’s and must die!!!!” Jinei signalled his guards who tapped buttons on their wrist panels. Energy whips dropped out and they began lashing the table to shreds.
“There must be no weapons inside our city!!” Nanchuu yelled.
“Well guess what Chief, there is. Whatcha gonna do about it?” And one of his guards struck at Nanchuu. Crono dived in the way and took the hit, which seared through his chestplate.
“Please, honoured travellers. Is there anything you can do?” Nanchuu whimpered.
“Now die!!!” Jinei bellowed. Diesel just grinned and snapped his fingers. Dark clouds appeared overhead and the Tokians looked on in surprise as a Holy Lightning blast crashed down right in the middle of the room.
“Leave… now…. Or McD and I shall reign fire upon you…” And they both snapped their fingers, and the clouds above lit up as if they were on fire. Jinei and his troops panicked and ran to the now opening gate.
“We will not forget this!” Jinei yelled as he ran.
“Well…. So much for peace talks.” Killer smirked.
“Kind travellers. You have saved my life and this city. And you even command the skies! Truly this is a wondrous day. Please, this night you stay with us as honoured guests.” Nanchuu brought them up to the main building where they did indeed enjoy a stay worthy of honoured guests.

Night fell back on Neocron, but the Fortress experienced endless light.
“This is freakn weird. How ya supposed to sleep with the sun still out?” Eva asked.
“Oh, that’s easy. We sleep underground.” Nanchuu replied. They went underground and slept well, and looked forward to the next day.

D minus 169 days

Early in the next morning (or so they guessed, as it was hard to tell) the Texpedition got up and left with fond farewells, the backwater but extremely nice city of Vagnass. About 20 minutes out, they were walking up a hill to the north.
“Geez Warlock you found some nice places. You know, when we’ve saved the world and everythings sweet again, we should take another trip this way, you know, to explore.” Said Trillian.
“Yeah I agree,” Lisa backed her sister up, “we definitely need to…. What is that noise?” a high pitch whistle was growing ever louder in everyones ears. Then all of a sudden the ground shook. They turned to look behind them and were faced with a terrible sight.

Shell after shell impacted with Vagnass as the carrier group berthed in the bay to the west bombarded the city. The walls exploded and debris was sent flying as the agrarian populace was slaughtered. And the 15 could only stand on watching helplessly as their new found friends were repayed by the Tokians for their hospitality in blood. Slowly and feeling like the weight of the world had been dumped on their shoulders, they turned back northward and started walking again. They had walked maybe an hour in total silence when Tricia snapped.
“THOSE PANTSLESS SWINE!!! How could they do that? They couldn’t fight back. They’re worse than DICK’s.”
“Come on, what’re we doing heading north. We should head west, maybe we can get some revenge.” Diesel suggested. A few others murmerred their assent.
“No.” Trillian, normally the most eager for a good fight, stopped them short, “our mission is more important than that. We will have a chance to right the score later I’m sure.” They grew silent.
“Here’s the real problem,” McDanish spoke, “they just ripped that outpost to shreds and that one is far bigger and better than any we have down south. If they bring that kind of firepower to bear on the Wastelands….”
“Then the work they’re doing down there will be screwed up!” Lisa panicked. And it was true. That night, just before the attack on Vagnass, the carrier group in the North harbour had began shelling the northern wastelands. Drakkhan Fortress was no more and Rockshore Factory would not last another day. The Military Base was attacked late in the afternoon, but fortunately the anti projectile defence system was working and the barrages could not destroy the base. But it was not known how long they could hold out against a sustained barrage. And none were to know that 2 more carrier groups were coming to join in the assault.

Later that evening, camped in a ditch in the shade of some trees, still in the Lands of Noir,
“When I was in Tokyo II last time, I got some information about those carrier groups,” Warlock began, “apparently the main battleship has a very special item on board.”
“What kind of item?”
“A generep.”
“WHA????” Everyone exclaimed.
“Yeah. Apparently the battleships have enough power to keep a mobile generep active at all times. This allows them to transport troops to and from the main city and in between the carrier groups.”
“And this helps us how?” Download asked.
“Well, if we can get to Tokyo II and get the Generep codes, we could transport an assault squad onboard one of the carrier groups. It might not be much, but it could help.”
“Yeah, but that would alert them to our presence.” Vain pointed out.
“True. If we tried this, it would have to be done as two separate squads. One offensive against the carriers, and one stationary planting the bomb. The offensive squad might actually prove to distract them long enough for us to get set up with the bomb.”
“Ok, so we get a squad onboard a carrier. What then? How could even all of us take on an entire carrier group? You saw what we had to fight when they attacked the Wastelands.” Crono grumbled.
“Yes but remember that Tokian guy at Vagnass. He was terrified of the Monks. We send Eva, Zhut, Diesel and McDanish to attack the carrier group. They unleash every barrel, every trick every lightning bolt they can till they take the main battlecruiser, then they turn the cruiser on the rest of the group. That should either severely cripple an entire group or perhaps even destroy it. Then, they either generep to the next group, or they end the mission. As I said, its not much, but its something.” And so it was that the 15 devised a strategy to help out their brethren back home. The only question now was whether it would be enough.

D minus 168 days.

“Take Cover!!!” Syntax yelled as more Fallen Angels were rushed inside Tech Haven. The air raids had begun during the night and were now persisting. Tech Haven was perhaps the safest place, as the surrounding turrets had lots of practice at shooting down flying targets (the ever annoying Hoverbots had paid the price for that training). But even so, the air assault was frantic and they rushed to get people to safety.
“This is gonna be rough.” Syntax murmerred to herself as she slammed down the blast doors on the TH entrances.

The Military Base had divided its forces into 3. 1 third continued to dig. 1 third slept. The other third were outside, assisting the defence system in intercepting incoming fire. This team spread out across the zone and were shooting down incoming missiles and shells. As the bombardment entered its 26th hour, a convoy from Tangent arrived, bringing more supplies and much needed munitions.
“Send word back to Neocron!” one of the Guards yelled, “the MB is under seige. Have them analyse this cylinder and tell us what it is, and if it can be used at all.” They loaded the convoy with one of the large cylinders they had found, “we need to break this bombardment. The defenice system won’t run for more than 3 days straight.” The convoy left at high speed for home.

The air raid siren was blaring throughout all of Neocron. Banshee fighters were screaming towards the city, and it was all that the Firewreathes could do to stop missiles from blasting away the outer walls.

Twilight Guardians was faring the worst. With no fighters, no anti projectile system and no turrets, the Canyon was being bombed back to the stone age. After 4 hours of bombardment, the order was given to evacuate Twilight Guardians and make for Tech Haven. And the order could not have come sooner. For escorted by a half dozen Banshee’s came the Tokians Commander of the Skies. The Payloader bomber flew over TG, dropping Seismec charges. Within 3 minutes the canyon walls had completely crumbled, and the great stronghold of Twilight Guardians was reduced to a giant crater.

And then it began….

The exhausted Mercs who were taking their turn to sleep were abruptly woken up just as night was falling when the entire Wasteland shuddered. A screeching sound blared across the wastes and then it struck. As the forward cannons of the Arbalest, the largest Battlecarrier of the Tokain fleet opened fire, the shells screeched through the air and pounded into the wastelands around Redrock Mine. Sides of the mountain were flung into the air, and the 90 day bombardment began. For the next 90 days the Wastelands would be shelled continuously. Every runner wishing to travel had to do so at pace in order to limit the chances of being caught by artillery fire. The darkest chapter of Neocron’s history had found a new shade of black.

Until next time….

01-09-03, 02:39
"It was a late night when Wannabe got back to his Plaza 1 apartment. He was so tired after a batch job of 1000 psi booster 3 blueprints some monk had ordered. Of course he knew the psi monks name and for some reason, she had sounded quite familiar to him. Perhaps it was just a name that was common on the Crahn faction but nonetheless, Wanna was just too tired to start thinking of anything other than a cold beer and a warm bed.

Wanna woke up early that day. His, let's just say, tender places, where hurting like hell as was his head and chest. "God dam p.o.s. Biotech implants. Can't take a few hits from Chaos minions until they break down". But alas, it wasn't the truth... something strange had happened.

MJS had walked upon the land that night and he was really thirsty. As it was late, none of the stores or vendors wouldn't sell him alcoholic drinks (Damn CA!) and our friend, Wanna, was the only runner who had his own private stash of cron 55 beer, MJS's favorite beer.

MJS snapped his fingers and teleported, invisibly of course, to wanna's apartment just at the precise moment Wanna drank his last beer. MJS was devasteted! The last of the beers in NC was drank, and it wasn't MJS who had drank it! It was a lowly droner/researcher spy who had done it.

So he came up with a plan of vengeange. As wanna was quite the ladies man (especially if the lady was a psi monk.. and a hot one!) he decided to make him suffer. A lot.

So, during the night, MJS snapped his fingers couple of times, laughed out loud for a while, and disappeared. Thirsty of course, like one of the Jeriko vendors found out during the first light of the morning."

Soo.... still here, under a disguise of a ... Ah.. I'll let you guys find out what class I'm currently playing =)

// Wannabe

NERD Editor
01-09-03, 22:44
Hmn Hmn.... still no volunteers for the singing job.

Come on people help me out here. This is the song I want to mail to KK offices and have Teh KillerBunneh stick it on everyone's work machine so that they play it 20 times a day and find it a source of supreme motivation to 'do' something important.

But, if no volunteer shows up, it'll just show up as lyrics again at the very end of Issue 50.

Alright, in other news, Part 4 of Issue 50 will probably not be today as I'm estimating it will be about 15 - 20 pages to type up, which is equal to the length of Issue 20. After that, as long as I can sum the will up, Part 5 will complete Issue 50.

But yeah, come on everyone. Sing a song, be a NERD, make my day. Don't tell me Danae's got more balls than the rest of you.... (wait... lemme rephrase that)

*signs off as Danae starts choking the life outta N'ed*

NERD Editor
07-09-03, 06:14
Dum dee dum....

Naggy fans always demanding more and showering me with their adulation....

Right, it seems there may be hope for the the NERD: Music Project which I am quite happy about and as a result I'll put a motor on Part 4 and get it done asap. Was getting a little depressed at the idea that this particular song might not get done.

So... anyone figured out how Issue 50's gonna end yet? Just before anyone asks, no all of these new locations do NOT exist, nor are these spoilers I've stolen from KK's hidden box of tricks. The whole journey to Tokyo(Tokio) II part of the story is entirely made up out of my head, and is at best just a suggestion to KK (particularly the members of the team who read this) of ideas to be put in in the future.

I'm in a killing mood btw, hence at least 3 people are gonna die real soon as we approach Part 5, the final part of Issue 50.

Will the clock reach D minus zero? Am I the kind of writer who would let the world blow up as an ending? Am I wearing a thong right now? Did you really want that image in your head? No.

Anyway, hopefully, Part 4, within the next 24 hours.

NERD Editor
07-09-03, 14:12
Part 4: The 90 Days of Fire

The following is the account of the Wastelands and those in them during the time referred to as ‘The 90 Days of Fire’. The tale of the Texpedition will be told thereafter.

D minus 167 days.

24 hours into the bombing and there looked to be no signs of it letting up. The once all to familiar hills and ditches of the wastelands were now just endless fields of unfamiliar craters. Fires burned throughout the forests, dirt mixed with the pools and lakes to create giant sinkholes of mud. Hills were flattened, flats were made into ditches and ditches into chasms. The skies above the Wastelands turned a dead brown as dust was thrown into the atmosphere, blocking the sun, clouding all light, and darkening the land. The only saving grace was that the amount of particulate matter in the sky made it impossible for Tokyo forces to travel very far with their air units. The Firewreathes could still manoevre, but only at very low alititudes. And all across the land, runners ran and hid inside whatever shelters they could get to. Even the wasteland creatures were hiding. The once proud and daunting Grim Chasers could be found cowering in crevices of cliffs, confused by the big booms going on around them. It was a bad time for all.

However, some people just won’t take a hint.

For early on this morning, with the shelling slamming around them, a contingent of NDA were spotted marching towards Regants Legacy. When asked what had posessed them to go NOW of all times, they replied that they were going to fight The Cells. And faced with that opponent, did a few hundred artillery shells really matter? Unsurprisingly that was the end of the debate and Centuri marched his scout force to take a crack at The Cells, their first attempt to slay them.

At around 2115 Neocron standard, the convoy carrying the cylinder from the Military Base was nearing Crest Village. It had been a long drive, having to divert and veer past artillery fire all night. They had taken a break under the shelter of Tech Haven’s onramps for a few hours during the morning, while the shelling was lightest, but were now on the move. However, as they neared Crest, an especially heavy barrage began slamming down around them. Shell after shell blew away the road as the truck veered left and right, desperate to keep going and not wind up in a ditch.
“This is crazy!! We’re gonna be killed!” the navigator yelled.
“Shut Up!! We’re gonna make i…..” a shell slammed into the back of the truck and into the cylinder they were carrying.

2117 NST (Neocron Standard Time), Outzone Station Wasteland Gate
Kramer The Weird and Carinth were helping to repair part of the Outzone ramp that had been damaged during the night when a brilliant flash of light illuminated the darkened wasteland. Then the shockwave hit and they were knocked off their feet. The dust in the skies cleared quickly as a sandstorm rushed across the land in a growing circle being forced out by the fusion explosion by Crest village. Citizens inside the city felt the shockwave crash into the outer walls and ran to their terminals or to a nearby city exit to see what Tokyo II had just shot at them

In fact it was not Tokyo II that had shot anything at them, but rather one of their shots had triggered off the weapon that the convoy was carrying. For had Reza still been alive, and had he seen the cylinders that the Mercs had uncovered, he would have recognised them immediately for what they were. Cold Fusion Long Range Missile Warheads.

When news of the explosion spread to the Mercs, they were still not fully aware of what they had in their posession, only that they should not try to transport any more of them at this time. It would be 3 days before the truth of what they were would be revealed by tests on the explosion data.

D minus 166 days

PIMP sent out scouts to determine the fate of Crest Village in the morning. Where once a com-tower and small village had stood, where once Padre Morpheous had lived, now there were the burnt out hulks of what were once buildings, if one used their imagination. Essentially there was littke more than a few burnt logs of timber and steel sticking out of the centre of a 2 mile wide blast circle. Amazingly the generep was still standing, or rather, leaning, on the side of the blast circle.

NDA reached The Legacy during the night, but didn’t begin their assault till morning. But once they began, it was all out war. Using every kind of poison weapon they had been able to acquire, they first cornered and then began to push back The Cells. 6 monks created a wall of Holy Pestilence blight around The Legacy, while Centuri and others fired long range poison rounds at the mass. Late that night the second squad of NDA showed up to relieve the first, and thus began their prolonged assault on the Legacy.

“Ok, I think these ones are ready to try out Sid!” Morpheous yelled. Sid came down from his quarters and ordered the newly equipped DrillBots to begin boring. The mechanical giants stooped, pointed their shoulder mounted drills at the ground and began ripping the terrain to shreds.
“Yesss precious… it has dones wells. Its r l337 2.” Sid patted Morpheous on the back in congratulations of his fine work.
“Thanks Sid. Now if we can just make the required depth in time.”

Dark had moved to the Crahn Sect recently and had got stuck into helping with the excavation to set the bomb in place. Delloda was doing his best to organise the effort so that the bomb would both be deep enough to have the required effect, and also so that it did not destroy the Abbey when it blew.

Over the next two weeks, things carried on much as they had the last two days. The bombings continued, but as with all irritatitng things in Neocron, the runners got used to them and began to function reasonably well despite the constant threat to their lives. The Drillbots made a depth of 500 metres, the City Mercs had excavated a solid mile straight down, and at D minus 157 days, NDA was able to see a noticable shrinkage in The Cells mass. It would still be a long time before they could be obliterated, but progress was being made. But also, the walls of Neocron had been under heavy construction, despite the danger to the workers. The ‘Phalanx Wall’ project was going ahead full speed, and much to the average runners delight, the finished sections of the wall seemed to resist all damage from the artillery bombardment.

D minus 152 days

A meeting between The City Mercs and Tangent and NEXT resulted in the cylinders being moved to one of the Storage Halls, behind the locked blast doors, a sealed location within the Military Base. There, a few engineers from the 3 factions began working on a launch system. A plan had been hatched to save their skins, should the SWG machine be unsuccesful in ending the world.

Meanwhile, atop an unaffected cliff, overlooking the wastelands, MJS sat and glared. Despite the futility and hopelessness of the situation, every runner in the south was actively busy, perhaps even happy. They had less than 6 months to live, were being bombed back to the stone age, and faced possible invasion from a technologically superior force at any time, yet they worked their asses off with smiles on their faces. This annoyed MJS more than anything. He would have his Armageddon, no matter what it took.

D minus 131 days

In an incident that would have had the Mercs giving up all hope, had it not been for their bravery, the Mercs found themselves boxed in on two fronts this day. They had made such incredible progress towards meeting their required depth of 2.5 miles. With only 200 yards to go, they had reached an impass. Solid iron ore blocked them the rest of the way, and their current digging tools would work no longer. They were going to attempt to race to Dome of York to see if a Drill bot drill might be effective when the ground war began. 37 days into the bombardment, Tokyo II began rolling troops in to invade the Military base. With the bases satellites and advanced warning grid all smashed during the bombardment, they were taken by surprise, and Shinobi-warriors had made it all the way into Sector 1 before the Mercs could retaliate. The Shinobi’s raced straight in and sabotaged the Generep, making it impossible for reinforcements to travel directly to them. But this in itself was their downfall. The Mercs that had been resting flooded from their apartments and cornered the bulk of the Shinobi-warriors in the Generep room, which as many runners will know, is a slaughterhouse. The Mercs are many things in life: brave and strong, ballzy and sometimes a little stupid with their gung ho attitude. But undoubtedly, when you wake a Merc from his or her sleep with the sound of gunfire, and when they retaliate, they are merciless. The Mercs crashed down on the Tokyo forces, some of which were only half dressed having rushed off their Recreation units so fast, and annihilated them with terrifying efficiency. The Tokians were marching 3 Raijuta’s to the gate of the Military Base, when their forces inside began retreating, as over 100 Mercs, all packing Speedguns hailed rapid death their way. Then, the Mercs decided to get one up on the 80 tonne monsters. The call was sent back and the newest additions to the MB’s defences was activated. 4 large guns popped up from the cliffs nearby and targetted the Raijuta’s. The weapons had originally been designed to deal with the annoying Warbots that kept trying to walk into the MB’s outer yard. Each gun had a giant Harpoon that it launched and smashed through the chassis of a Warbot, killing it instantly, and dragging its corpse away from the entrance to MB. The 4 guns fired at the Raijuta’s. 2 harpoons slammed through the cocpits and killed the pilots immediately, and then dragged 2 near perfect condition Raijuta’s out of the line of fire. One missed entirely and wound up crushing 2 dozen ground troops. The fourth speared into the Raijuta’s fusion reactor, causing it to go critical. The Raijuta exploded in a mini nuclear blast, wounding 8 mercs but killing over 50 Tokians. With this quick retaliation, the Merc’s forced the attack back and sent them retreating back to the North Sea. Tired, but victorious, the Merc’s returned to their much tougher opponent, 200 yards of Iron ore.

The Phalanx Wall was completed, although still no details of what it was were forthcoming. Tangent turned its attention to assisting NEXT with their special project.

NDA had been quite successful during the last week. They had beaten The Cells back far enough that they could actually see the surface of the Legacy again. But now The Cells were becoming more ferocious, forming tentacles and actually throwing things like boulders and steel girders at the troops.

The excavation of the Abbey of Crahn was completed. By placing a blast cover over the pit, the Abbey was ensured to survive the blast. But this was not why the Crahn Sect was happy. During the dig, they had located a pod, buried several hundred metres below the surface. Without informing any other diggers they transported it to a secret location within the Outzone, where they placed it under the heaviest of guard.

NERD Editor
07-09-03, 14:13
D minus 100 days

There were many excited runners throughout the Wastelands this day as a signal came through from the Texpedition. The details of some of those conversations will be provided later, but in particular, after a heated argument, Kramer The Weird walked away from the terminal, after talking with Lisa, and did not talk much for several days. But, for the rest of Neocron, it was the best of news to know that the Texpedition, despite some stumbles, were still on track in their mission.

After 68 days of bombardment, enough was enough. NEXT high command decided now was the time, especially considering the Ethalica would be ready for testing in a week. And so it was that PIMP, DR, SXR, DICK’s, and the Crackheads were given command of the first fleet of Hovertanks by NEXT command. 200 of the Hovertanks burst forth from the West Hanger, skimming over the craters towards the north. By mid afternoon, the battlegroup had made it to Rockshore and skimmed straight out onto the ocean and towards the Carrier groups (for now a 2nd group had joined the first). That afternoon, the first real fightback against the Tokians began. The carrier groups scrambled all their air forces, but it was not working as well as they had hoped. The dust in the sky made it so that none of their fighters could get any altitude or speed, hence they were easy pickings for the FireWreathe squadron that had accompanied the Hovertanks. The ‘choppers’ that were launched were quickly destroyed, as the ‘Whiplash’ hovertank, a mobile missile launcher tank, shot them out of the sky with terrifying efficiency. The ‘Behemoth’ hovertank, with its dual Fusion Cannons bombed the hulls of the ships as it glided inbetween and the ‘Pelter’ hovertank with its 4 multi-directional Gatling Cannons targetted the crews and any other air units nearby. By late evening the battle had forced the carrier groups to move to deeper waters in order to get distance between the ships so that they could fire on the Hovertanks. The battle continued on for 10 days before both sides eventually pulled back to refuel and rest. During that time, bombardments of the Wastelands were considerably less, although a third Carrier group joined the bombardment while the other two fought the hovertanks, hence the difference was not easy to notice.

D minus 90 days

The Hovertank battalion pulled into the Military Base for a breather, after 10 days of solid fighting. It had done everyone’s spirits a world of good to actually be able to fight back against the Tokians, rather than just enduring everything they had been throwing at them. The gunners and drivers alike took in some solid rest time at the MB, and also stopped to observe what was going on with the dig.

It had been painfully slow, but the Mercs had made progress. They had broken out a large number of Laser Cannons and had been systematically cutting sections of iron ore out, and incidentally had been piling it up around the MB walls to reinforce their defensive perimeter. They currently had 80 yards to go till they reached their objective. Hope was good that they would make it well in time.

NDA had been going bezerk. It had literally been months since they started the battle with The Cells, and every member of the clan was tired, wired and pissed to high hell. In the entire history of the clan there had never been an opponent that had fought them this well and for this long. But at long last the tide had turned. The Cells were barely holding the entrance to the Legacy any longer, instead of covering the entire structure in a giant ball of themselves. They had, however, become more adept at projectiles. Not only were they now throwing smaller sharp objects in large numbers at NDA, but they would also attach some of themselves to the objects and leap from the already fast moving projectiles at those members that were already diving out of the way. Hence while NDA was fast approaching its objective of killing The Cells, every day saw them receiving more injuries, more casualties and more rage.

Sid and Morpheous however were in full celebration mode. They were less than 2 weeks from reaching the required depth, and the bots were making no signs of slowing down. Hence they were now entertaining themselves by teaching the DeltaGens new dance moves for their nightly karaoke sessions. The 500 beefy gentanks in intimidating power armour all doing the Macarena in complete unison was a lot disturbing, by the way….

D minus 79 days

The details of what happened were not clear to anyone in the Wastelands for a long time to come. All they knew was that in the early hours of the morning the bombardment of the wastelands was cut short and the only explosions that could be heard were coming from the North Sea.

When the Hovertank batallion arrived, refreshed and ready to fight again, they were confronted with a sight they had not expected. Half the ships were sinking, and the other half were already on fire. Not that this mattered much to them. The battalion laid seige to the fleets and began sinking the ships one after another. But, there was one battlecruiser, the head of the 3rd fleet, that was still unscathed. The other ships were surrounding it as a large and unknown gun on the bow seemed to be powering up.
“I don’t know what that is, but it can’t be good.” Kramer yelled.
“Let’s smash it!!” Carinth yelled back. Everyone agreed that smashing was the appropriate response to the curious situation, and began to focus all firepower on the gun.

Onboard the cruiser….

The crew was already dead. Only one individual still remained on board, and began to manipulate the controls for the Bow Railgun.
“Weaklings. You shall not allow them to save this world. I will have my Armageddon.” And MJS tapped the control, and the Railgun turned to face the East and fired.

“Damn, the gun’s firing!” Carinth moaned.
“Nothing we can do about that now, lets sink some ships.” Others yelled back to him. By the end of the day the remains of the 3 fleets had been sunk and the 90 days of fire came to a close. Well, almost….

“Yo Sid, I think we could actually send the bomb down now!” Morpheous called up.
“Reallys? Sweeetssss.” Sid ran up to his office and tapped some controls. A crane lowered the bomb into the crevice, to join the Drillbots in the deep.
“What’s I set the timer to?” Sid called down.
“59 days.” Morpheous called back up. Sid inputted the time and sat back.
“We’s dids it Precious. We is so uber l337, we is soo goodss. Yesss.” Morpheous went back to adjusting the Drillbots commands to finish the work, and then closed the cover over the hole.

And then there was pain.

The railgun round smashed through the Dome and blasted through the primary tower, exactly at the height where the bomb had been suspended. The round passed straight out the other side of the Dome and bored its way 30 miles through a nearby mountainside.

Morpheous dug himself out from a pile of debris and looked around. The Dome had been shattered, with two giant holes on opposite sides. But the main tower, from the middle up, had been obliterated. And Morpheous’ eyes narrowed and went weak as he realised that Sid’s office was part of the carnage.
“Sid?? SIDD!!!!!!” Morpheous was cut short when a cloud of smoke burst forth in front of him from out of nowhere and reformed into MJS.
“You… You dared to oppose me?” MJS’ eyes blased with fury. He reared back and kicked Morpheous right under the jaw, sending him flying out of the Dome and across 4 zones before landing on top of a barbed fence, impaled on the spikes.
“None shall oppose me. My will SHALL BE DONE!!!!” MJS roared with anger and the entire Dome shook to its very foundations. The Dome further fractured, the central tower crumbled some more and the entire Dome of York was left a barren, lifeless wreck. Then, MJS departed in the same menacing cloud of wreathing smoke as he had arrived in.

But the Drillbots went unnoticed and carried on with their work.

Morpheous respawned back near Tangent HQ and after a moment to get over having been drop kicked 500 miles and then impaled, reported his news to his superiors.
Sid however, only had one active generep, after his banishment from Neocron, and that generep was in his office. Hence Sid died, once and for all, and the only items that could revive him, his own underwear, had been annihilated in the process.

Thus Insidious Wolf and Precious parted from this world, never to return again. Morpheous, however, would not forget his time he spent with the Lord of the Dome.

NDA had pushed The Cells back into the Legacy. They welded up the cracks in the walls of the Legacy and created a Poison barrier across the entrance, and were thus able to finally take a break. Thus on the very night when the bombardments ended and Sid died, NDA rested.

The Hovertank batallion returned to Neocron just before midnight. They listened to Morpheous’ tale, and pondered what else MJS would do to ensure the end of the world came about.

Thus ends the tale of the 90 Days of Fire.

NERD Editor
07-09-03, 14:15
Here begins the story of the 15 Fallen Angels, and their experiences during the same time frame.

D minus 167 days

The same day that Neocron was waking up to a blackened sky of dirt and the beginning of 3 months of hell, the 15 of the Texpedition were marching silently northwards. The destruction of Vagnass had demoralised the entire team, and they had all vowed not to stop at any more of the outposts, as it would put the citizens in danger if they did.
“Killer, you and Vain take point ok?” Warlock requested. The two rifle users moved to the forefront and scouted ahead.
“How many more days till we reach that?” Lisa asked, pointing to Mount Terafice, looming ever larger on the horizon.
“I’d say another 20 days of reasonable walking, maybe less if we hurry. It’ll be a fair hike over the top though.”
“Well lets hurry it up.”

For the next 15 days, they marched through moist, but not boggy marshlands. The moisture made sleeping a problem, as they had to hunt out rocky outcroppings or anything that wasn’t on the ground, but it did not hamper their speed. Each night they would sit back and Reef would pass around some of his stash to lift morale. Every morning the gentanks would waken everyone with their trademark ‘good morning’ call. The lands around them were fairly dull in appearance, being just wide open green fields for miles, but on occasion, whenever they came upon an abandoned village or outcropping, they would find wooden crates and other boxes. And unlike back home, these boxes would often contain interesting treasures. It was far more pleasing to search a crate and find an abandoned utensil like a ‘fork’ or a screenshot called a ‘painting’ that they could later take home to their apartments stowed around the place. Some of the stuff was so damaged it was unusable, but certainly the scavenger in Reef and Lisa took over during the march to find new and interesting things. It was thanks to this searching that Lisa found a Tokian wrist unit thrown behind a barrel.
“Wonder how it works?” Zane asked. Killer took a good long look at it.
“I’ll bet its con…. I’ll bet its compa…. Guys, help me out… Insert big word here, starts with c” Killer sometimes had trouble with big words.
“Constipated.” Trillian smirked.
“Right, I’ll bet its constipated….. DAMNIT!!” The others laughed. Lisa however found a hidden button on the inner side of the straps and pressed it. The wrist unit latched onto her arm and became active. It had an option for language modes, including Tokian (a language called ‘Japanese’) a computer coding language that only Reef and Zhut could read, and Neocronian, or ‘Japlish’ as the unit called it.
“I select Japlish.” Lisa commanded the unit. It then presented everything in English, but with Japanese grammer.
“Use energy blade, will you? Record data, want to? Geez this is gonna take some getting used to.” Lisa commented.

D minus 152 days

The 15 got up early this morning as they stood at the base of Mount Terafice.
“We won’t be going to the peak. See that pass between the peak and that smaller peak on its right? That is our road.” Warlock pointed out. Everyone, as previously instructed, prepared their weapons.

For two days they marched through wind and snow. There was nothing to see, and nothing to do but march as the cold fronts hammered them from the left, the right, and from behind. Everyone had to remove their powerarmours again as they cold began to seize them up and make it impossible to walk. This unfortunately had the result of making things even colder. The march however was making good time, and they crossed the pass and were out on the other side by the end of the 2nd day of the march. But there before them lay an area they were perhaps not in such a rush to get to. The Valley of Night. Where the Lands of Noir saw daylight for 6 months then night for 6 months, the Valley of Night saw complete darkness all the time, with only one exception. One day a year, for a period of 5 hours, the valley would be lit with an eerie moonlight. During those 5 hours it was said in folktale by those that lived near the valley, that a great and mysterious beast walked the valley. Of course, none of the storytellers had ever seen the beast so they could not describe it. But just to make their far-fetched story sound really good, it was said the creature guarded a hidden treasure from before the days of the Cleansing Light; from before the 3rd World War.

D minus 150 days

“Eva, stop nibbling on my ear….” Vain muttered to himself, curled up with everyone in a rocky overhang, “I know I said I like it… but….ow… come on…. Ow…OW….OWWW!!!!” Vain lept to his feet, stepped on Zane’s nuts, kicked Eva in the boob, tripped over Reef’s head and landed ass first on Crono’s face. Consequently Vain was not a popular boy. But he had reacted with good cause. For once everyone was awake, they all crammed into one corner, and looked upon…. A Snowster.
“Warlock, what do we do?” Reef called, but Warlock, who had been on guard duty the last 3 nights, was still fast asleep, and was just inches from the Snowsters saber-buckteeth. Killer took the initiative, lept forward and took aim with his Pain Easer. The Snowster, without even blinking, leaned forward, bit his Pain Easer, and swalled the entire gun in one go.
“It ate my Pain Easer…. IT ATE MY FREAKN 4 slot Pain Easer…. ONOZ!!!!!” Killer was going nuts. Trillian took aim with her Liberator, but with lightning speed the Snowster bounded forward, ate that too, then bounded back to where it was before.
“IT ATE MY UBER LIBBY!!! KEEELL IT!!!” During all the ruckus, Warlock woke up. He looked around blearily at everyone, highly annoyed at being woken up, then looked to his left into the beady eyes of the Snowster. He grimaced, curled up his fist and punched it in the nose. The Snowster whimpered and bounded off down the hill.
“That’s it??? We lost 2 freakn guns and all we had to do was punch it in the nose?” Trillian was about to cry.
“You lost guns? Ughhh, hang on.” Warlock pulled out a trash hand grenade and lobbed it over to where the Snowster had been sitting. The Snowster ran back in blinding pace and swallowed the grenade, then exploded into little furry bits. Two guns, covered in gibs lay on the ground.
“Snowsters will eat just about anything metal. They’re bloody annoying if you don’t have a grenade with you.” Warlock mumbled as he went back to sleep. Killer and Trillian spent hours cleaning their prized guns back up and hugged them repeatedly. The rest of the day was uneventful, involving just more marching. And at some point that would have been early night, they entered the long dark of the Valley of Night.

D minus 149 days.

Thus began the 3 week walk to get through the Valley of Night. The darkness was so thick, being more than just an absence of light, but also a thick mist that reduced vision to only 5 metres ahead. Everyone with flashlights brought them out. For 3 days they marched without incident, but then they met their first obstacle, the Ramshedds. A giant creature, with 4 legs, a large frame, and 4 large tusks pointing out the front, it had a skin entirely of bone.
“Damnit, what do we do?” Zane called, as he whipped at the creature to keep it at bay. This worked only for a few seconds, as the whip wrapped around a tusk and the Ramshedd flung Zane out of sight and into a rocky outcrop.
“I don’t know, I got through here without fighting anything.” Warlock called, not realising Zane was no longer with the group, nor was he conscious. Everyone grabbed their weapons and just blasted the creature, but it was having little effect.
“Either this thing has the biggest healthbar ever, or we need to find a weak spot.” Diesel growled. He was not used to having things he could not kill. All of a sudden Crono and Keyser charged forwards, and light burst from their hands as their Banana’s of Death, their Devil’s Graces surged from the handles and the two began hacking away at the monster. Pained by a strike through its leg, the Ramshedd reared back on its hind feet, and exposed its underbelly, which had no bone coverings. The two Gentanks plunged their blades into its gut and carved out the Ramrodd, the creature that controlled the bone frame. For the Ramshedd was actually an armoured chassis of old bones, that the clever little Ramrodd’s used to protect their physically weak forms. Now it was time for the spy’s to take action. Using their cloaks, Warlock, Reef and Vain stealthed the Ramrodd as it hid from the Gentanks, appeared behind it, and blasted it with their weapons. They checked the corpse but it had nothing of value.
“Zane? Where’s Zane?” Download asked. Everyone looked but could not find him.

For the next day they searched, bound together by a rope, looking for Zane. Eventually it was Trillian who found Zane, lying unconscious on the rocks and bleeding from the skull. They constructed a carry cart out of the bones of the Ramshedd and carried him with them. Zhut took charge in healing his wounds, and Trillian attended to him when Zhut could not.

During the nights, the 14 would form a circle around Zane, all facing outwards, watching for things that moved. And things were moving. For as had been dreaded, the Valley had come to life at this time of year. Small things scuttered, larger things dragged themselves along, but worst of all were the Grocks. Flying creatures with rocky underbelly’s that made them nearly impossible to kill from the ground. The team managed to kill one during their walk, when the Rifle users found a raise group of rocks to snipe from as a Grock dived at Zane’s stretcher. Trillian was wounded during the fight, as she threw herself over the stretcher to protect Zane’s prostrate (that’s prostrate readers, as in wide open, not prostate, the thing that’s up his peepee) body and was clawed at. But they killed the Grock and were able to extract Feranganol, a potent drug that allows the user to see through solid objects, from the body (although they did not know what it was or what it did till they reached the village).

Finally, through much toil and struggle, they exited the mists of the Valley of Night and reached the Seminut Peninsula.

NERD Editor
07-09-03, 14:16
D minus 127 days

The party reached the village Warlock had spoken of and brought Zane to their medical facility. Zane’s coma was in part due to a broken implant that needed to be manually extracted, but also due to a condition called Mist Seepage. The mist itself can infect certain individuals, particularly when they are injured, and cause their very minds to black out. Zane took 2 more days to heal before he was fully back on his feet.

But the delay was not the end of their bad news.
“You can’t be serious!” Warlock was severely agitated.
“I’m sorry Mr. The Hermit, but it is true. The Tokians came a few weeks ago and carried Balaran the Boatsman away. We have been in dire need of his skills, as it is the season to fish, but we do not have enough boats.” Hikedi, the towns spokesman informed him. This was dire news. Balaran had been a key part of the plan. Without a boat, how would they reach Tokyo II?

“So what do we do?” Download asked.
“I have no idea.” Warlock replied. The 15 now sat around, pondering their next move. They had only 4 months till the end of the world, and now they were sitting around Zane’s bed, eating Fushu fruit and trying to figure out how to cross the sea to Tokyo II.
“Can we fly?” Zane asked.
“Can’t fly, nothing to fly with.” Reef replied.
“Can we swim?” Lisa asked.
“Can’t swim, too far, and we can’t get the bomb wet.” McDanish pointed out.
“Can we walk?” Vain asked.
“Can’t walk, its an island, not land connects to it.” Warlock pointed out.
“Then can we make our own boat?” Killer asked. Everyone looked up and thought about it.
“Yeah…. YEAH!! We’re freakn Fallen Angels! That’s what we do! We build stuff!” Trillian jumped to her feet.
“And fight endless wars inside our headquarters cause our security bots are useless pieces of tinfoil.” Keyser pointed out.
“That too, but we can build a boat!!” Trillian jumped up on the bed and started jumping around till she lost her footing and crashed butt first on Zane’s prostate (yes readers, you read right, his Prostate). Zane found it in himself to enjoy the strange mix of pleasure and pain.

For 26 days they foraged and scrounged for whatever they could, recycling and constructing the materials to build a seaworthy craft, roughly the size of 4 lifeboats.

D minus 100.

During construction, Lisa knocked her wrist unit and a new menu came up. After an hour of running through the options, Lisa found she could use the Tokians long range com-network. Very excited, she showed the others and patched into the system and transmitted home.

Everyone took turns talking to various people. Zane was most interested in what Phoenix was doing concerning Syntax-Error’s master plan. Ithaqua reported to the other FART’s about the bombardment and gave everyone a great deal to think about. Trillian and Reef reported to Neocron central about their progress.

And then came a long conversation between Lisa and Kramer. Now, the details of this conversation are private, and no one else has any right to pry, but unfortunately the end result of the conversation was that Kramer and Lisa’s marital union came to an end. Obviously the harsh situations and the long time apart had not helped the situation, but alas, this was the case. And so the marriage came to an end. Trillian spent that night consoling her sister in her grief, Kramer, as previously reported, went into a stoic mood for several days. But Lisa was not the same afterwards. Heartbroken and dejected, she found it hard to get up the next day, and her friends worried greatly about her.

D minus 97 days

The lifeboat was completed and the 15 boarded, saying goodbye to their kind hosts at Night Village. They set sail with only a vague idea of where they were going and a months supplies on board. They quickly set off and paddled with all their heart in the direction they thought was right.
“Aye mateys… we be setting sail for a new land…. Arrrrr” Crono jumped around the boat.
“What the pants is he talking about?” Tricia McMillan queried.
“Arrr… this be the talk of fisherman folk.”
“Ahem… I think you’re getting your Ceres Disc 101 lessons screwed up there Gentank boy.” Reef pointed out. Nonetheless, he didn’t stop doing that stupid voice for some time.

D minus 88 days.

After 9 days at sea, they knew they were lost. As the sun rose, a great mist covered them and they could not see the person 2 seats in front of them. Zane and Trillian sat in the front, trying desperately to keep an eye out for obstacles.
“Look hard Zane, we must keep an eye out for land, rocks, bumps…” Trillian whispered. Zane looked at her, then realised those weren’t the bumps she meant. The pleasing distraction however meant that Zane didn’t notice the huge object that the craft smacked into on his side.
“Good one Zane.” Eva moaned.
“Well that’s just pants…” Zhut growled.
“Woah… SHHHH.” Killer hissed. And everyone looked. They had not hit land, or rocks, but a sheer metallic surface, that was moving perpendicular to them. On the side it had writing in Kanji. Lisa immediately recognised it as the same writing on her Wrist Unit.
“It’s a freakn Tokian cruiser!!!” She whispered.
“Guys… this is an opportunity!” Diesel’s warlike mind kicked into high gear “We should board this cruiser. Maybe we can do some good for the guys back down south.”
“Maybe, but if we’re all noticed, the mission is over and everyone dies.” Warlock pointed out.
“So lets split up. The monks will jump on board, the rest of you carry on. These cruisers are probably leaving Tokyo II, so you should head that way,” he pointed to where the cruiser had just come from. Reluctantly, everyone agreed and the Monks parted. McDanish, Zhut, Eva and Diesel latched a rope to the stern of the cruiser and clambered on under the cover of fog, while a sole wooden craft sailed unknowingly right into Tokyo Harbour.

D minus 87 days.

After having found a storage room to hide in, the 4 monks had caught some sleep, not having the strength to beseige a cruiser of unknown manpower after 9 sleepless, seasick days and nights in a leaky boat. In the morning they awoke, and set their wills towards one singular goal, the complete ownage of every person on the ship.

They burst from the hull, fully buffed and packing Holy Lightnings. Amazingly their luck was working overtime. The captain of the vessel had half the crew (the ones that weren’t sleeping) on the bow of the ship for a drill. The monks just took this as a sign that the DEVS were feeling generous, grabbed their Holy Pestilence’s, and coated the forward decks with blight. The entire active crew died in mere seconds. Then the two Passives went down to the crews quarters, parashocked everyone in their sleep and threw them overboard. Thus in less than 5 minutes, they had taken the ship. And more was added to their luck, as the ship was lagging behind the 4th fleet, and thus none of the other ships had seen the slaughter. By late morning, they had learned how to control the ship and had brought it up alongside the largest battlecruiser of the 4th fleet. And then they got to kick some ass.

McDanish, Diesel and Eva lept from their ship to the main battlecruiser and began slaughtering the crew, with merciless efficiency. Zhut activated the guns on the ship they had taken, and opened fire on a big ship with a flat surface. As gravlifts brought Banshee fighters up for launch, the ship was blown apart by fire from the ship.

Quickly Diesel raced up the levels to the command deck, where he unleased another blight of Holy Pesitlence on the command crew. McDanish blocked the lower levels with a Holy Thunderstorm. Diesel and Eva then turned the guns, including the Forward Railgun, on the other ships in the 4th fleet.

By late afternoon, only 2 ships remained. The main battlecruiser, and Zhut’s frigate. Unfortunately Zhut’s ship had been damaged too severely and was sinking, so he joined the others on the main ship.
“Well, that was fun. Shall we head back to Tokyo II?” Eva asked.
“No, I have a better idea,” Zhut grinned, “set course south.”

D minus 80 days

“Are we there yet?” Trillian asked.
“No.” Zane answered.
“Are we there yet?”
“Are we there yet?”
“Are we…. “

D minus 79 days.

It was 3 in the morning, Neocron standard time, when the Angelis (the name the 4 monks had given to their cruiser) came into range of the 3 fleets. It was obvious they were distracted with repairing damage from various weaponfire. The 4 monks didn’t know what had happened to the fleets. Nor did they care. At 0303 NST the Angelis opened fire on the 1st and 2nd fleets with the Forward Railgun. The first salvo capsised both the main battlecruisers for those fleets, and over the course of 2 hours of intense weaponsfire 11 more Tokian vessels were sunk. But this was not a battle that they could win. The Angelis began sinking fast when one of the 2nd fleet’s destroyers opened fire with a beam weapon and slashed the forward section off, causing the railgun to explode. The ship began taking on water fast.
“Damn…. Think we made them mad?” Eva grinned.
“Just a little.” Diesel replied as a gush of seawater nearly knocked him off his feet.
“Quick, this is a generep. It can be used to generep to another place.” McDanish did the honours. The 4 monks rushed to it and activated the list. They were astonished to see a new destination on their lists “Tokyo Military Waystation”.
“Better than sinking. C’yall on the other side.” Eva said as she teleported, and the others followed.

Meanwhile on the Eastern docks of Tokyo II…

11 pale and exhausted runners knocked into a pier. Blearily they looked as they saw that they had indeed reached land, and not a moment too soon. During the night a storm had torn their rickety boat into driftwood, and it was all they could do to keep their supplies buoyant. 10 minutes later they were all standing on a well constructed harbourfront, in the early hours of the evening.
“Is this?” Trillian barely dared to ask.
“Welcome to Tokyo II.” Warlock looked around and confirmed.
“Great…” Lisa sighed forlornly. The others did not have time to consider her poor state of mind, as they hurried to find somewhere to get out of sight.
“Any ideas?” Zane asked.
“There’s a place I stayed last time. They didn’t ask where I was from, just accepted things for trade. If we can get there, we will have a decent place to stay.”
“Great lets go.”
“Just remember guys, we now have 58 days left to get the bomb in place, or all of this was for nothing. Time is working against us.” Reef pointed out.
“Then we should not waste any more time talking here. Lets go…”

Until next time…

NERD Editor
08-09-03, 05:09

*smacks everyone around the head with a dictionary*

Anyway, just one more part to go..... *MoonUnit begins long drumroll*

I'm just waiting for the song to be recorded before I put out the end of Issue 50, so stay tuned for the 3rd NERD mp3.

NERD Editor
10-09-03, 08:22
The most complete stock of NERD's is on the Blue Technologies website. Reefsmoker was kind enough to slap the previous 49 episodes into 'The NERD Collection' part of their site.
Blue-Tech Website (http://www.blue-technologies.org)
However, at the time of posting it appears the site is offline... joy.
I believe the NERD site is still up but as it hasn't been updated since Issue 35, you're probably better off going to the above link (when its up) but for the extra stuff:
NERD Site (http://www.publicprogramming.net/NERD/nerd.php)

And yes, Codi, you built a big cablecar thing to get people over the big hole in the ground so that they may continue on their journey.

And you can't have more NERD yet, still need to finish the song

NERD Editor
14-09-03, 10:31
*cracks Morpheous upside the head with the anvil of 'incorrect quotation*

Now for 500 points and a cookie, can any TRUE Nerd fan tell us who actually says Eyyyyy?

NERD Editor
26-09-03, 03:41
There's only 2 t's in Twisters Andy....
Alright folks, sorry for this but once again my Commercial Law classes hated me. Having now completed 10,000 words of Law bullcrap in 2 different essays, my time is my own again.
So, I'll be checking up on the progress of the song, but whether its done or not I hope to have the final part of Issue 50 out no later than Saturday evening, assuming no other suprises come out.

And please guys, wheel back on the spamination for just a little bit, or the mods will start the 3rd NERD thread prematurely.

01-10-03, 21:54
This thread had expanded it's waistline to 63 pages and has been sticky since May. Upon conferring with some senior mods I deceided to pare it down a bit so I closed it to do some major cleanup surgery. There was so much spam in between nerd issues the thread was almost unreadable (only the insane like myself would sit through 63 pages). I have culled the post down to what is it's distilled topic, the NERD newsletter. All issues from 32 to 49 are now easily readable. I will continue to moderate the post and my most likely path will be to allow a period of discussion (not spam) after each nerd issue with a full sweep every now and then.

If the Nerd editor would care to co-ordinate any of his issues or postings with me, or if anyone has any questions about this threads cleaning please feel free to PM me.


05-10-03, 15:00
*Zone 38, gateway of the worlds*

Narrator: When Neocron was created, MJS made a man inside-he had the power to change things-to rebuild the world, and make it perfect. He died, and one day, the force that is MJS used his tool of BAN upon the genrep, so he could not respawn. "The One" was gone forever. However, the DEVs prophesised his return. So there are some people who spend their lives looking for him. One of them was a guy called Morpheous. He had spent years looking for him in a world called Saturn, and had found zone 38. He gathered his possesions and flipped to the other world, Pluto, where he now seeks The One.

*Morpheous appears in Pluto :eek:*

(Yeah, i know its a total rip off the Matrix, but hey ho :) if u dunno what that means, it means i'm coming to live on Pluto cos Saturn hates me (Damn FREs :lol: ) o_O )

NERD Editor
08-10-03, 09:12
Part 5: Apocalypse Now?

D minus 78 days

The Tokyo Military Waystation was in a flurry of panic as the news reached them. The 4 fleets had been decimated in the assault on the Southern Lands. Many of the Tokian Generals, unaware of how the fleets had been destroyed, were fearing an imminent counterattack and had given orders that Tokyo II go to full alert. The protective shields went to full power and the Air Force was preparing for an immediate scramble. So it was perhaps understandable that when 4 dirty and wet monks generepped into the station, they were able to slink out undetected.
“I can’t believe we just got out of that!” Eva exclaimed.
“Whatever, lets just get out of this base.” Diesel led them onwards. They snuck down a few darkened alleys till they came to a fairly well populated area. Fairly well was a mild understatement infact as the streets were bustling with people, all crashing into each other and scuttling along. The four monks looked out from the shadows into small, tightly spaced roads, covered with street vendors. The streets were packed with people hurrying, shopping, pushing and talking. It was a stark contrast from the wide walkways and sparse populace of Neocron. These roads made Plaza 1 on its busiest day look like Tech Haven after yet another bloodbath.
“These are the shops? Wonder what they’re sellin?” Eva drooled over the possibility of new merchandise.
“Doesn’t matter,” Zhut forced her natural given shopping tendencies down, “we don’t have their kind of money.” Eva started sulking. Diesel tried to ignore the girlish whimpers that followed, but when the crocodile tears started up he knew he was doomed. Irritably, he and McDanish grabbed four unsuspecting passers by as they walked by, beat them unconscious and then stole their clothes and money.
“Wow, instead of dropping quickbelts, these guys drop wallets.”
“I think I’m gonna like it here.” Zhut grinned. And with that, the four, now wearing Tokian overcoats and hats, ventured out into the crowd and went to check the shops. Now, had there not been so many people bustling around, someone might have noticed the four pedestrians getting mugged. Were everyone not so involved in what they were doing, maybe someone would have noticed the four guys that were noticably taller than everyone else walking around. But you would have thought at least one person would have been aggitated by the four people who were trying to shop without speaking a word of Japanese. But amazingly, they found a way. For though they could not speak the native tongue, it seems the shopkeepers of Tokyo II speak one language that most of Neocron does. 1337.
“Ur g33r r0xx0r5. H0vv mUch?” Zhut asked.
“4,000 cr3dz BiatcH.” Zhut pulled out the necessary credits and purchased a wide variety of local clothing. Diesel and McDanish found a store that sold tools for cutting through metals and Eva found a dominatrix store….. ok I think nows a good time to discuss what the others were doing.

The others had landed on Tokyo II just before midnight the day before, during a time of heavy mist that had not let up. At roughly 2 in the morning, Warlock led them to the place he was talking about. It was a bar, not far from where the 4 monks were making a nuisance of themselves. The bar itself was always busy, being a place which had good alcohols and even better meals. But what was most important for the Texpedition was that this bar had reasonable accomodations on the upper floors. The owner took in those that could pay, or those that could bring him things he did not have. So, the weary boat travellers, hauling their cargo behind them finally reached the door to the bar.
“Ok, everyone keep a low profile. I’ll talk to the owner and get us somewhere to stay. Just mull around till I come get you.” Warlock stated. The others nodded. So as one Warlock, Reefsmoker, Trillian, Tricia, Zane, Download, Killer, Keyser, Crono, Vain and Lisa Davitt walked into the bar, hoping not to draw to much attention.
“YO FARTS!!!!” Binary Raptor screamed at them as they entered. Everyone fell over anime-style. Trillian leapt to her feet and grabbed him by the collar.
“Having a drink. Want some?” Again with the falling over, crashing through tables and disrupting the customers.
“So much for low profile.” Warlock mumbled and went over to find the owner.
“How the hell did you get here?” Download yelled at Bin.
“I came here a few months ago for the sake festival. They really do have some kickass sake.”
“Sake? Whats sake?” Tricia asked. Bin handed her a saucer with a clear liquid in it. She downed it in one shot.
“Woah…. That’s good shafhghg….” Tricia does not have a high alcohol resistance. Everyone else sat down with Bin to try out the clear liquid and were quickly getting into it. Amazingly this one act got the locals to stop looking at them suspiciously, as surely people who could appreciate good sake must be alright.
Warlock was able to acquire adequate accomodations for the price of a few Grim Chaser claws, a First Love (and the story of why its called a First Love) and 500 chitin, which apparently cannot be found in Tokyo II. Oddly enough it was the chitin that the owner was most excited about…. Go figure.

Exhausted and in need of a good rest, the 11 Fallen Angels dragged their well travelled asses up to their 4 rooms and just crashed wherever they could find an adequate surface. Zane crashed down on top of a large double bed. Trillian crashed on Zane. Zane grinned. Trillian flinched and kneed Zane in the nuts. Zane went cross-eyed. Vain crashed on Trillian and Zane. Trillian and Zane sent Vain crashing to the floor below. Vain asked for a pillow. He got one. Reef, Lisa, Tricia and Killer ended up in the next room. They had to keep the window open all night thanks to Reef. Keyser, Crono, Download and Warlock were in the next room, with both the gentanks lying on the floor, Download sprawled over the big bed and Warlock in a chair by the door. And then they just crashed.

D minus 77 days

The Wastelands seemed eerily quiet this day. Life itself just didn’t seem to be functioning any longer. Twilight Guardians was nothing more than a pile of rocks, Dome of York was wrecked and the only thing in it still moving were the unnoticed Drillbots. All of the CityMercs were now feverishly trying to finish their dig. Tech Haven was still bolted up tight, and everyone inside was now working in the Phoenix shop on Syntax-Error’s master plan. NDA was still taking a rest after such a long all out fight and everyone else was tucked away behind the Phalanx wall of Neocron City. Thus the Wastelands were deathly still. Only two things roamed the cratered lands, under the ash filled sky. The first was The Killerbunneh, still scaveging for chocolate. The other was MJS. MJS walked southwards, endlessly anticipating the fruition of his plan, urging time to go faster. But time was one thing MJS could not control.

The bomb under Crahn had been placed and the members of the Sect had kindly been given temporary quarters in Pepper park until after the detonation. Morpheous had informed everyone that the bomb at Dome of York was in fact ready to go. The Mercs estimated another 7 days till they reached their target. That just left Regants Legacy and Tokyo II.

One person who had been unphased by any of the last few months was NERD Editor. The pale writer had finally finished renovating the top floor of his offices and as of this day moved into his new facilities. Yep, life was good for ol N’ed.

Meanwhile at the Legacy…

“Enough sitting on your asses. Lets finish this!!!” Centuri yelled to his troops. The second seige on The Cells began with full fury. At this point NDA was now able to reach out and touch the doorway of the Legacy. They poured poison through the entranceway into the ever persistent Cells, and slowly but surely the Cells turned to dust and were swept away with the morning breeze. Onwards they pushed in what was looking like a matter of time victory.

Back up north…

“Ok, can anyone tell me what these things are?” Eva held up two sticks that had been handed to her with her meal.
“Um….. maybe you pick your teeth with them?” Zhut suggested.
“I’m not a Bunneh, these things are huge.”
“Well I don’t know what they’re for.”
“What’re they doing over there?” Diesel looked over at a couple who were being served some ramen.
“Preparing to eat.” Need you ask.
“Ehhh…. Look what they’re doing.” Eva leaned back to see the couple using the two sticks to lift the noodles out of the liquid and quickly whip it into their mouths before slurping it down.
“They’re some kind of eating utensils.” Again, need you ask.
“Well, here’s to it then.” Eva attempted to grab some ramen, but succeeded in flicking one stick right into Diesels eye and the other cracked the bowl.
“Geez, its so much easier eating with a claw and stilleto.” Diesel grumbled. Then he looked at McDanish who essentially was drinking out of the bowl, “or that. Yeah…. That works.” After an hour and a half they finally managed to eat their meals and miraculously did not annoy the patron’s with their fumbling around.

With food in their stomachs, they began touring the city. 9 hours later they had a pretty good sense of the city.

In terms of size, it was perhaps slightly larger than Neocron, but only because instead of everyone living in apartment towers, there were large areas where the rich had been able to purchase a section of land and build their own accomodations on them. It was a brilliant display of capitalism in action, rewarding the rich with the ability of show off in front of the nation. Some of the properties were truly incredible, obviously requiring the expenditure of large fortunes of cash and probably requiring the services of many dozens of constructors to build up. But the end result was a customised, unique living quarters that one could call their very own home. This section was on the northernmost part of the island and was surrounded by a huge laserfence providing security around the private villa’s. On the west side of the city were the markets and the military waypoint station, where the four monks had arrived and spent most of their time, and where the other 11 were currently sleeping. This was the commercial centre of the Tokian nation, and had everyone explored a little more closely, they would have located the Weapons Black Market just to the south of the bar they were staying at.

In the south were the docks and the naval yard, where the wooden raft had washed up, and was where the majority of the Tokian Military efforts had been launched from. To the east were the headquarters of the main corporations of Tokyo II. Similar to the main factions in Neocron, these corporations were the lifeblood of the city, just as the criminal factions in the west ward were the leeches of the city.

In the west ward was the Shinjitsu Yakusa Syndicate, or SYS. They ran protection rackets throughout the commercial area, but in exchange ensured no thefts or willful destruction came to their ‘clients’. The competing triad was the Shinomori Triad, which roughly translated meant the Forest of Death. They were the assassination guild of Tokyo II, specialising in human slaughter. The south ward was home to the JSDF (Japanese Special Defence Force) the military power of the city. To become a full citizen, all members of the city were required to serve for 4 years in the JSDF. After that they had the choice of where they wished to go. The East Ward, as previously mentioned, housed the corporations. SONY (Society of Origami, Nature & Yin/Yang) brought nature to the city, with their focus on hydroponic technology, they provided the city with the bulk of its food supplies. AKUMA (Assault, Killing Unbridled Massacres Associated) were the special task force unit. Loyal to the corporations only, they were the elite weapons against the Triads and the Yakuza. MISO (Marine Industries & Submersive Operations) were the equivalent of NEXT. They developed the immense naval power of Tokyo II, and developed things like underwater facilities, that allowed the city to expand beyond its limited land mass. WASHU (Wiring Automation Synthetics Homogeny Union) were the science geeks of the land. They developed the laser whips and the wrist mounted units of the Tokian Military, as well as upgrading the Shield surrounding the city.

And then there was CRAP (Citywide Responsibility Administration and Politics). CRAP was the city, and the city was CRAP. They enforced the law, they paid the corporations in order to run the city and the military, and they taxed the people. CRAP was at the very centre of the city, their main office right underneath the shield generators. For hundreds of years CRAP had governed, and governed well. Unlike Neocron, the Head CRAP was elected by the people, rather than the dictator Reza. And while some of the leaders had been weak, or incompetent, for the most part they had run their city well.

The four monks returned to the west ward and went looking for a place to stay. They were wondering where the others were as well, till Zhut spotted a huge plume of smoke raising from the window of a nearby bar. They decided to check it out.

And so it was that with virtually no drama’s, the Texpedition was reunited. The 15 crammed themselves into the 3 rooms as best they could and made the most of it. And they began to prepare for the placement of the bomb.
“So where do we need to place it?” Download asked.
“Well…. That’s kinda the problem.” Warlock winced, having not really wanted to answer this question.
“Why?” All 14 asked in unison.
“It needs to be placed directly under CRAP headquarters.”
“Wait… you mean we have to place a multi megaton warhead underneath the primary government building?”
“Essentially…. Yeah.”
“And you have a plan to achieve this near impossible feat of course.” Amazingly everyone said that in complete unison too.
“Erm… No.” Warlock got ‘the Look’ from everyone and not for the last time thought about just flicking the switch on the bomb to end the suffering.
“So what do we do?”
“We look for an opportunity.” He replied.

NERD Editor
08-10-03, 09:14
D minus 70 days

“We’ve done it!!!” Huge cheers came from the Military Base as after a long and tiring struggle, they had completed their dig and the bomb was in place. At long last the Mercs were able to rest easy; their task finally completed. It was also a special day as the launcher devices that had been developed in the Storage halls began to be placed around the base.

A section of wall burst forth just to the left of NDA as they pushed The Cells back. Another giant blob had tried to flank them. Fortunately they were able to pull back in time but were once again pushed out of the Legacy by the Cells. Centuri had had enough. It was time to end this. NDA began to push forward but the Cells were bursting forth from everywhere, bringing all their reserves out of the Legacy to fight on the outside. Slowly NDA was being pushed back, but Centuri refused to move. His clanmates urged him to pull back, and he turned to yell at them when the ground beneath him tore as a giant fist of The Cells lunged out of the ground and consumed him. Horrified the rest of NDA looked on as The Cells absorbed Centuri in his final battle for Neocron. But there was something they could not absorb, something that Centuri had activated in his final act of spite. A toxin plague bomb. The bomb detonated and infected the entire mass of The Cells. Despite not having mouths, The Cells uttered a final horrifying scream before every last one of them turned to ash and blew away in the late afternoon wind. The Cells were no more. NDA, at the cost of their leader, had won. They sent word to Neocron and by the end of the day the bomb was in place. Victorious and defeated at the same time, NDA returned home.

D minus 68 days

After nearly nine days of meandering around Tokyo II, McDanish had hit upon an idea. It wasn’t a great idea, but it was an idea.
“McD, I would just like to point out how much I hate it when you get ideas,” Keyser moaned, “when we get home, no more ideas from you.” Keyser grumbled a bit more as he slushed around in the mire circling his feet.
“What? We need a way to get the bomb to a location. Since we can’t just go in, we can try going under. So lets check the sewers.”
“Yes, but look at this place. Its disgusting. Where the hell are the walking-ways?” Crono was pissed too.
“Maybe they don’t expect people to come down here?” Eva suggested.
“Pffft. Whats a sewer if you don’t go hunting in it?” Vain retorted. The Texpedition begain walking through the slimy filth following the map they had acquired. Amazingly Warlock had just walked into CRAP HQ and asked for some plans to the sewer network and they had given them to him! The city apparently provided all forms of information on request. This place was just so weird.
“EEEEEKKK!!!” Tricia screamed and leapt backwards.
“What?” Everyone swivelled round.
“What is that???” She pointed at a small furry creature that was munching on some unmentionable pile of stuff on the sewer pipes. Keyser reached over and picked it up by the tail.
“I think it’s a rat.” He stated.
“THAT is not a rat. That thing fits in the palm of your hand. Rats are supposed to be almost as big as us!” Crono picked up another furry creature and stared at it.
“And look, these ones have pupils, rather than those empty white eyes, and their intestines aren’t showing.”
“Only one way to know. Diesel, you do the honours.” Keyser threw the rat in the air and Diesel toasted it with a firelance. Keyser then bit off a massive chunk and munched on it.
“So, whats it taste like?”
“Tastes like chicken.”
“Huh? Whats a chicken?”
“Never mind, Ceres disc joke. It’s a rat alright.” Keyser said, spitting the tail back out.
“Oh think about it, these ones have been shielded from radiation. Maybe this is what rats used to be like?” Killer suggested.
“Can we move on please?” Warlock growled. They began walking on, but still whispering at the back.
“Dude, Keyser just bit its ass off right? But look what it was eating…. What goes in, must come out… at that end ya know…”
“Hehehe, Keyser munches ass…”
“SHUT UP EVA.” Everyone yelled.

As they marched, they came upon an open manhole, and looked up. Eva was still giggling at the back and the sound alerted the people above. Everyone gagged Eva and tried to slink past the manhole, but everyone was sweating as 2 Tokians above seemed to be yelling down the hole with a lot of anger. However, what the Texpedition did not know was that this is what Japanese can sound like. Roughly translated what they heard actually meant the following.
“My daughter has been accepted into Tokyo II University. I am a proud father.” The first said.
“Is that your daughter with the firm yet ample chest?” The second asked.
“Yes, that’s the one…. Wait, how do you know about my daughters firm yet ample chest?”
“How do YOU know about your daughter’s firm yet ample chest?”
“My wife told me.”
“Is that the one with the incredible ass?”
“Yes. Wait, how do you know about my wife’s incredible ass?”
“Everyone knows about your wife’s incredible ass.”
“Oh…. Hey, what is that supposed to mean?” On and on they went. Apparently in Tokyo II, even if you’re accusing someone of doing naughty things with every female in your family, you still have to do it politely. Go figure.

After what seemed like days but was in fact 38 minutes, they arrived underneath CRAP HQ. And they knew it was CRAP HQ because in the sewer below it was littered with shredded documents of a highly sensitive nature. Only a government facility goes through that much shredding
“Right we’re here, now what?” Reef asked.
“We don’t have enough time to dig deep enough to save the building above. Its going down no matter what. But if we dig a cone shaped ditch deep enough, we can focus the blast down and up so that the surrounding buildings don’t get wiped out.” Warlock showed everyone the designs for the dig.
“Then lets get started.” The two Gentanks laid into their work with gusto, tearing concrete and steel out of the way. The spy’s and private eyes used the laser cutters to assist them in disecting the underground network of pipes and supports. The four monks stood guard should anyone be coming or overhear them. For the next 30 days they would dig deep and dig hard to get the hole made.

D minus 67 days

Atop a lone cliff, MJS summoned to his side one of the DEVS.
“Codi, hold out your basket.” Codi gulped and did so. MJS proceeded to dump a large number of white oval things into the basket.
“Codi, these are my EGGS (Electronic & Genetic Graft Specimens) that will be used to create a new world once I have destroyed this one. Protect them.”
“You sure you want to put all your EGGS in my basket?” (Big Red Subtitles slam down “BLATANT METAPHOR”)
“Sure, I see no problem with that.” Codi just raised an eyebrow and sighed.

D minus 38 days

“Looks like we’re ready for the bomb. You guys go get it.” Trillian said as she dusted herself off. The 4 monks and Crono went down the tunnel to get the bomb from where it had been stashed.
“Think its deep enough?” Tricia asked.
“Should be. Not much time left to do anything else.” Zane pointed out.
“Yeah, nothing else….” Lisa moped.
“Girl you gotta snap outta this. There’ll be other guys.” Trillian went over to comfort Lisa. Whether she would have got anywhere we’ll never know, for at that moment, a door above them opened as a couple of clerks began dumping shredded paper into the sewer.
“Nani? Oro? Nan desu ka?” they babbled on and on, essentially asking what was going on. Within an hour all 10 of them had been arrested and were being transported to the JSDF interrogation centre. So when the monks and Crono arrived, they were noticably concerned to find no one there.
“What do we do?” Eva asked.
“Plant the bomb of course.” Diesel flicked the timer on and they dumped the bomb, making sure to bury it in enough shredded paper so as to conceal it. Then they went back to the bar to locate their friends.

Now, it took them the rest of the day to determine what had happened. For only by accident, after hours of searching, when Zhut felt it was utterly hopeless, that he dropped down on the seat in their room. And as fortune had it, the remote control for the ‘television’ was under him and the news came on. And there, clear as day were the other 10 being marched into the Detainment Centre behind AKUMA headquarters. Everyone felt sick as they realised they were now 5 against the entire of Tokyo II.

Just before midnight, as the 5 tried to get some rest and dream up a plan, they were rudely awoken by the sounds of powerful engines thundering away to the south. They turned the news on again to see that the Tokian Air Force had dispatched everything it had at the Southern Wastelands, in an effort to end Neocron once and for all. Their ETA was 17 days to the primary target.
D minus 37 days

The 5 awoke the next morning to the excited sound of McDanish jumping up and down.
“I know what we need to do!” he exclaimed.
“We need to get them out.” Everything within reaching distance of the other four was sent sailing at McDanish’s head or nuts.
“I am in an extraordinarily large amount of pain.” McDanish fell to the floor.
“Wait…” Crono looked like he’d had a brilliant idea
“I’ve had a brilliant idea.”
“Didn’t you just say that?”
“No, that was N’ed’s narrations getting too far ahead of themselves.”
“Oh…. So, whats the idea?”
“Oh, you’ll see, its perfect.”

Crono nearly lost the use of one testicle when the others found out his brilliant idea.
“THIS IS YOUR BIG PLAN???” Diesel yelled.
“Patience, watch and see.” And so they did.

For if you know anything of Japanese culture, you will know that they love novelties. Everything from Tamago’s and Pokemon to the 24 hour disposable popstars they churn out almost daily, from mini photo booths to karaoke, the Japanese people love something pointless and novel. So when the populace of Tokyo II learned that McDanish: Lord of the Obvious would be performing one time only in front of the AKUMA Detention Centre, they naturally showed up by the thousands.

“Crono, your stupidity is scarily effective.”
“I know, sometimes, I even scare myself. Let’s go.” And with that they entered the sewer system under the Detention Centre.

Meanwhile up above, using a Translation device.

“McDanish-sama, how can I pick up women?” a young man asked, with chuckles from the crowd.
“By lifting them with your arms.” McDanish replied. The crowd was in awe.
“My husband is cheating on me with all 5 of my sisters, what can I do to make him stop?”
“Make sure your parents don’t have a 6th.” Again the awe.
“What is an oxymoron?”
“Calling the high end weapons that everyone has ‘rares’”
“What is the meaning of life?”
“To figure out the answer to that question.” The crowd was blown away and were hurling money and firstborns upon him.

In the Detention Centre Communal Toilet….

A toilet exploded as the 4 dirty individuals crawled out.
“Ok, which way?”
“I have no idea.”
“Well how’re we gonna find them?”
“Wait guys,” Eva took a sniff.
“Eva…. That’s just wrong.” Zhut looked at her funny.
“No, the smoke.” Sure enough, Reef had decided to smoke out the whole Centre. Thus under toe cover of smog they moved quickly to their cells and freed the other 10.
“WE’RE FREE!!!!” Killer jumped for joy.
“Say that when we’re outside the prison.”
“Oh, right.” They quickly fled back to the toilets and into the sewers. They emerged almost an hour after they had begun the mission to see McDanish still going.

“Who am I?”
“A person.”
“What am I doing here?”
“Asking questions.”
“How long is a piece of string?”
“Twice the distance from the centre to either end.”
“Hey McD, we gotta go.” The others called. Relucantly McDanish freed himself from his captivated audience and the novelty ended. The prison guards returned to their duty only to find empty cells, and decided not to mention it to their superiors.

Dirty and tired they returned to the bar and this time locked themselves inside for the duration.
“Now we just wait till the bomb goes off and we can go home.” Trillian stated.

D minus 22 days

Lisa, having finally started to cheer up a little, decided to put in a call back to Neocron. When they delivered the news that the bomb was planted, Neocron took 5 minutes to jump for joy, for now all 5 bombs were in place. But then they received new information.
“So where are you all now?” Morpheous asked.
“We’re still in Tokyo II. We’ll wait for the bomb to go off and then come home.”
“That’s no longer a possibility. You need to get out of there today.”
“Why?” Lisa asked.
“Lisa,” Kramer came on the line, “the Tokians have launched another offensive, it will get here tomorrow. Before that happens we’re sending them a little bit of retribution. Don’t be there when it arrives.” Lisa had to give up the line to someone who wasn’t teary.
“Understood,” Keyser replied, “we’ll be out of here tomorrow. Fight the good fight, we’ll see you when we get back.”
“Count on it.”

That night the Tokian army was given a very rude awakening as the Monks reigned lightning and fire down upon the docks, torching them completely. The spy’s laid down cover fire while Download hotwired a Skimmer Jetboat. As everyone piled onboard, Keyser and Crono blew seven shades of shampoo out of the docking bay with Moonstrikers and then all 15 of them got out of there.


“Oh crap, Binary Raptor’s still at the bar.”

After 11 hours of fighting their way back to the bar, Trillian hauled Bin out of his chair, along with a few bottles of sake and again they fought back to the boat and got out of there, this time pursued by what was left of the Tokian navy.
“Next time we leave him behind ok?” Killer suggested.

NERD Editor
08-10-03, 09:15
D minus 21 days

At 0730 the Tokian Air force began airdropping troops into the wastelands. Payloaders and Banshee’s screamed towards Neocron, bypassing the MB entirely. It was time for the final battle between Tokyo II and Neocron.

Morpheous sent the signal to the City Mercs, giving them the go ahead. 10 minutes later, 3 cold fusion missiles rocketed from their launchers heading towards Tokyo II itself. This danger was disregarded by the airfleet as the Tokyo II shields had repelled such an attack many centuries ago.

The fleet dropped over 500 Raijuta’s down into the Crest Crater and they marched on the city while the aircraft lunged forward to bomb the city. The ground troops up north were all hell-bent on destroying Tech Haven. But this time, everyone was ready.

Neocron launched the FireWreathes, the Hovertanks, and close to 50 TekHammers, Neocron’s answer to the Raijuta’s. Since the Mercs had captured an intact one some time ago, NEXT and Tangent had worked hard to replicate it. All runners able to bear weapons raced outwards and took position outside the city.
“Stand fast everyone, our target is the mechs, leave the aircraft.” Kramer yelled.
“Why not the aircraft? Aren’t they the bigger threat?” Carinth called over.
“Not today.”

The Mechs came up over the ridge and immediately everyone opened fire. The gully in front of Outzone station was a blinding mass of energy fire. In the first few moments, 3 TekHammers and 8 Raijuta’s were down. And just as the second barrage was about to start, the airfleet loomed up.
“Take Cover!!!” everyone ducked, preparing for the inbound fire, but it came from somewhere else. The Phalanx Wall opened its ports to show its true face. The entire outer wall of Neocron bristled with weapons. Every square inch was a long range offensive weapon, capable of annihilating airborne targets as far as 2 zones away. With more than a little amount of glee, NDA pushed the button and the wall opened fire. 487 aircraft were shot out of the sky in the opening salvo.

The battle raged on in the south, while meanwhile, the Tokian troopers were burning through the gates into Tech Haven. They burst in through the gravlifts of TH1 and the stairwells of TH3 and poured in. But just as they opened the final pressure doors to enter TH2, they stopped dead in their tracks.
“We are become DEATH, the destroyers of YOU.” Every spare inch of space in TH2 was covered in DEATH bots. Phoenix had surpassed its previous standards by building over 2000 replica’s of DEATH since Syntax-Error had explained her plan. She was quite pleased with the upgrade of TH security. The DEATH bots armed all their buzzsaws and laser cutters and lunged at the Shinobi-Warriors, hacking limbs off and staining the blue corridors with red once again. More DEATH bots burst forth from the elevators in TH1 and from the Energy Cores and the Shopping Mall in TH3. The Tokian ground forces fought for their very lives, but against 3 metre tall robots with 8 arms, each one dishing out death, there’s only so much you can do.

Around about 6 hours into the battle, the Texpedition crashed their Skimmer into the rocks of the North shore and jumped out, having tried to outrace the ships behind them to get away. Now they were running from long range fire shooting after them.
“Hello Neocron, we’re back, whats going on?” Trillian called. She was only getting static.
“Well hello Fallen Angels, care to join the party?” Syntax-Error called. Gleefully they listened to Syn’s instructions on the defence of TH, and decided to hurry back.

By 2140 it was clear that Neocron was victorious. The Phalanx wall had annilated without exception the entire Tokian airforce, and only 2 Raijuta’s remained, and were currently trying to flee through a mountainpass of Y Replicants. All the Fallen Angels and Twilight Guardians had banded together to kill or imprison the troopers that had broken into Tech Haven. The DEATH bots had done their job, but were now all broken. All except the original. DEATH was saddened to see its children in pieces, but was glad its new home had survived. The greatest and most effective defence of TH was over and the Texpedition were finally home. There was some celebration, but no one wanted to celebrate too soon.

That night, no one slept. Tomorrow would decide the fate of the world.

D minus 20 days

The Prime Minister of Tokyo II went on TV, standing outside CRAP HQ to address the people about the troublesome 15 that had attacked and escaped their island. He described it as a desperate attempt to stop the Tokians from attacking Neocron and laughed at it. MJS stood on a balcony above, waiting for the explosion. He was sure the 5th bomb in Dome of York had not been planted and so he could enjoy the fireworks of the other futile ones.

0717 NST (Neocron Standard Time)

5 separate multi megaton warheads detonate throughout the known world. The 7th Circle of Regants Legacy is reduced to rubble. Dome of York shudders, but suffers no more damage. The Military Base endures a fracture up the southern walls but is otherwise fine. The Abbey of Crahn was not adequately protected and is blown to a charred scrap, leaving nothing usable. And as the Prime Minister finished his speech, CRAP HQ groaned, shuddered and then collapsed into the ground as a giant pile of rubble.

0722 NST, Tokyo II Forward Alert Post

3 missiles are detected on approach. Instructions are sent to boost power to the city shields.
0724 NST, CRAP HQ. Then the missiles cloaked and could not be tracked any longer.

The Shield Generator, that had been so carefully protected within the HQ of CRAP is destroyed, and the city shield fails.

0729 NST, Tokyo II

3 cold fusion missiles make impact with the city in the North Private Estates Ward, the West Commerce Ward and the South Docks ward. 87% of the city is destroyed in the explosions, only leaving the East Corporations Ward relatively intact. With the airforce destroyed, the navy all but wiped out and the city’s infrastructure annihilated, Tokyo II enters the same stage of history that the rest of the world experienced after World War III.

1000 NST, Plaza 1, Neocron

All had gathered for the results. If the blasts were unsuccessful, there would be a severe need to get the last cruiser loaded up fast with those that were escaping.
“Scans indicate all 5 did detonate…. Calculating effect.” Morpheous was manning thescanners and was feverishly trying to get an answer out of them. The entire populace of the Wastelands waited with breathless anticipation. Suddenly, Morpheous stood up slowly, quietly walked over to the Medicare balcony and addressed the people.
“It worked. The SWG effect has been stopped.” And then the cheering started. Finally the nightmare had ended. Finally they were not doomed. Finally they could celebrate, and celebrate they did. For the next 20 days they celebrated their survival and paid homage to the fallen heroes of the quest: Insidious Wolf and Centuri. Neocron partied like never before. And all was well.

NERD Editor
08-10-03, 09:16
D minus 0: The Day of Destruction

After so much partying, finally those that still had a home, decided to return to it. Those that didn’t got ready to start rebuilding theirs. The Fallen Angels got up and travelled home casually, walking and still in good spirits, arriving at Tech Haven just before noon. As they walked up the ramp, Warlock stopped and surveyed the world.
“Ah, its not too bad,” noting all the craters and damage, “a bit of gardening work and it’ll be good as new.” He smiled, just as a wreathe of black smoke burst up behind him.
“NO IT WON’T” MJS raged, grabbing Warlock by the neck and snapping it in one crushing move. He then blasted the body with his Demitron Cannon and vapourised it. Warlock’s body was unrecoverable by the generep system, and thus he felt perma-death. Everyone else looked on in abject horror.

MJS let loose a horrible roar and a shockwave of destruction eminated from his being. Tech Haven was obliterated instantly and the largest crater on the face of the planet was formed for 40 miles in all directions around MJS. The Fallen Angels all generepped back to Neocron to prepare, although some had been just outside the blast radius and were now directly in front of the oncoming MJS.

Neocron scrambled everything. Every ship, tank and person charged towards the battle just outside their gates, as MJS assaulted the Fallen Angels on his way to Neocron. When he came into range the Phalanx Wall opened fire, but MJS would not be stopped so easily. His Armani powerarmour morphed and the cloth around his shoulders turned to metal, lifting off to form 2 giant black batlike wings, covered in razorsharp blades in the pattern of deadly feathers, revealing the armoured black torso of this worlds overlord. He opened fire with his Demitron Cannon and blew hole after hole out of Neocron’s walls. He charged up another shot and fired, blasting a chasm between Pepper Park and Plaza, destroying the subway system and cleaving the city nearly in two.

The Firewreathes spread out and came at him from all sides, but MJS launched himself at the closest, landing feet first on the canopy and pulling out a jagged Edged lasersword, with one slash killed the pilot. He then leapt to the next and did the same till he had destroyed them all. Then he landed in front of all the runners of the wasteland, all shuddering in terror at the behemoth of power before them.
“There shall be no more protection,” and he blew another hole in the Phalanx wall, “no more peace, and especially no more FUN.” And using the BETA psi module Psi Meteor, he summoned down a massive fireball that slammed into a well known office building inside Neocron, obliterating the occupant.

Everyone opened fire, but bullets were meaningless. Kramer tried to snipe MJS, but MJS leapt forward and cleaved Kramer in half with his sword. Lisa, enraged charged in and kicked MJS in the nuts, but he was too well armoured there. He backhanded Lisa flying into a pile of rocks, and they both had to use the generep recovery system. Trillian dived in to avenge her sister, but MJS kicked her down, with a foot across her throat and lunged his blade through her chest. Zane tried to save her by whipping MJS’ hand, and he was successful in pulling the blade out, but he was too late. MJS grabbed the whip and hauled Zane to him.
“Foolish sentiment. Now Die…” And he slowly inserted the blade through Zane’s stomach, killing him in excrutiating pain. The others continued to fire, but still there was no effect. Then in an act of pure sadism, MJS ressurected Trillian and Zane.
“Now you can both endure dying as many times as I see fit!” and he killed them again, and then ressurected them. As he went for the third kill, he decided to be creative.
“Now you can all suffer their fate.” And MJS went for his most horrible weapon.
“Oh No… He’s pulling out his WALLET!!!” Yes, MJS’s WALLET (World Apocalypse Lanching Life Extinguisher Transmitter). This device would allow him to instakill everyone around him in the blink of an eye. And he grinned.

But all of a sudden, there were several flashes of light, as half a dozen EGOS, all wearing big footwear came flying out of the sky and in unison they yelled.
“REPEATED RES KILLING. TEMP KICK!!!!” And they kicked MJS sailing many zones to the north east with a special present to keep him company.

Though everyone had survived, there was little room for celebration now. The city was in ruins, Tech Haven was destroyed and there was one more tragedy awaiting them.

MJS dusted himself off, finding himself standing in a dusty field with virtually nothing around him. He looked around and saw he was in a fenced area. There were a few vehicles to his right and a buidling with a few technicians, and a generep tower. He realised the EGOS had temp kicked him to newbie MC5.
“I suppose this is meant to be funny, sending me to this place.” He reached for his consoles to warp out, but realised that they had been broken in the kick.
“So be it, I’ll just use the generep.” He walked over to the generep and tried to use it, but it would not work. Then he noticed the sign.
“This generep is out of order. I am currently busy keeping all the EGGS in one basket, so cannot fix this right now. I will attempt to get around to it at the earliest convenience. Signed. Codi.” And MJS found himself stuck in MC5 for a very long time.

That day a few runners stood around in shock as they entered Neocron. For they had lived through the SWG effect, the attacks by Tokyo II and MJS’s attempt to slay them all. But now a fate some considered worse than all that had befallen them.

For MJS’s fireball had destroyed NERD Inc, and the Editor along with it. They stood around shocked and realised. This had been Final NERD.

Late that night, McDanish sat down, and as a finale, decided to sing a song….
(The Following Song “Dome of Y” is done to the tune of “American Pie” by Don Maclean)
Lyrics by Nerd Editor
Mp3 to come

"Not so long ago,
In a Wastezone far away,
neocron was under an attack.
And I thought me and Trilli-in,
Could talk the Japonation in,
to maybe cutting them a little slack.
But in response they tried to kill us,
Using loms they did deskill us.
We escaped from Vagnass,
Then toked up high on Reef's stash.
In a lifeboat we did flee
And we got lost, its plain to see.
We all wound up on Tokyo TV.
So when will we have DOY???

My, My this here Dome Of Y,
Now its sooner, now its later, now I just wanna cry.
And we left our homes and hoped that soon it was time
Saying Soon I'm gonna see Dome of Y,
Soon I'm gonna see Dome of Y,

Do you know this patching day, is coming soon or so they say,
But will it truly save the day?
Ahhh this new city could use a clean, some floor wax and Windowsheen,
Yeah we're prolly gonna clean it up some dayyyy.
Well I heard you can get great echo,
and Sid's lived there, so don'cha know
And when this dream comes tru...
We can all nag for Tokyo II WOOO
We're gonna party all over that new place,
And outpost wars will pick up pace,
And I know NC will now face,
The Big Threat... of our DOY.

And I was singin'

My, My come here Dome of Y,
I won't make it, I can't take it, give it now or I'll die.
Every night I rush home and scream 'MJS WHY?"
When will I see Dome of Y???
When will I see Dome of Y?

Now we finally get set for launch,
And the KK council we knew at once,
would want to get rid of CDV!!!
So they went out there and they told a tale,
of how Neocron was the next big sale,
And its true that NC > SWG!!!
Well the publishers were impressed of course,
Could this game truly beat The Force?
They made an opening bid,
as long as they got rid of Sid.
But players all still had much fear,
Could they still release some time this year?
Well MJS says Listen Here!
We Will Release this DOY!

And we were singin'

My, My This Year Dome of Y,
Not November, not December, but we've missed on July.
As time rolls on we've all gotta try
To Tell friends about Dome of Y,
Tell friends about Dome of Y.

Tempers flaring hot as a ball-of-fusion
People leaving Cron in full confusion
Server pops are fallin' fast.
"We improved the look of the grass"
"And these new mobs will attack in mass"
Yeah some folk are just talking out their ass.
Now the competition begins to loom,
And the impatient have begun to fume,
But KK must take a stance,
For Cron to stand a chance.
The new publisher will yield,
A better chance in this gaming field.
And NC's might will be revealed.
When we get Dome of Y

And we were singin'

My, My This is Dome of Y,
Its not clean, not pristine, but it suits us just fine
And in the halls as the guardbots roll by,
We'll feel home in our Dome of Y
Feel home in our Dome of Y.

So there they were all in one place,
The ship awaiting to go to space,
And no time left to start again.
So guys be nimble, guys be quick.
Drop those bombs or I'll be sick
Stop Armageddon before the end.
And MJS was in a rage
This story had another page.
And all of us could tell,
We were saved by the bell.
And the Firewreathes flew in the night
And set off a show so big and bright
But something still was just not right
We still need Dome of Y

And we were singing'

My, My This is Dome of Y,
Lots of floors, lots of doors, yeah this place is alright
And as the echoes roll on, I'm still gonna cry
About time we got Dome of Y,
About time we got Dome of Y.

We caught a ride back to TH2,
Cause Trillian wanted to.
I frankly would have liked to stay.
We all fought in that epic war,
and it wasn't long at all before
5 big bombs went off and saved the dayyy.
But in the end some runners fried,
Some ships were sunk and Precious died.
Some missiles were cloaking,
The DEATH bots all were broken.
And the Editor I admire most,
Got firebombed and now he's toast.
Now we're still here but he won't post.
I guess we'll wait for DOY.

And I was singin'

My, My This here Dome of Y,
Not November, not December, but we've missed on July.
As time rolls on we've all gotta try
To Tell friends about Dome of Y,
Tell friends about Dome of Y.

We were singin'

My, My, it must be a lie,
No more NERD's till the words "we've got Dome of Y"
And we'll sit and home and say KK oh My!
Please just give us all some Dome of Y."

Until Dome of Y...

NERD Editor
13-10-03, 04:04
*N'ed finds himself in an abyss of darkness, a dark and dirty feeling all around him*

Is this death? Did I die? Geez, not much to look forward to.

*All of a sudden a worker clearing away the debris of the NERD offices pulls up the rock that was pinning N'ed down*

Oh.... right, I forgot. I'm an EGOS, I can't die....

Ok, seems I can't just sit around and not write.

NERD Saga 1 is now over, at 50 Issues and about 200 pages I'd say it was a respectable story in itself.
Saga 2 won't start till after DoY. I want to get a feel for the Pluto environment after its out before I start the next one.

But, to fill in the void, I have started work on NERD Historical Chronicles # 01. Still making up some of the characters and finalising the story in my head, but should get the first part out in the not too distant future.

*dusts off half broken NERD typewriter*

Now lets see.....

NERD Editor
14-10-03, 14:08
Heh shhh Folsom, I was saving that story for when we actually get more clothes and skins

New designs for the Character creation screen and outfitter:

- Spy's with transforming hair capacity's
- Female Monks with anime size eyes that take up 60% of their face
- Ripped shirts for tanks
- Spandex
- Keanu Reeve's head for all male spy's to live out their Neo fantasy's
- Shorts for those hot walks through the desert
- 19 sock colours
- The special and infamous Nudeocron patch for his and her pleasure. The groin regions of all male avatars will be based along the 'tripod' theorem and all female avatars will defy the laws of gravity in their ability to stand up vertically
- Tails for the Saiyan based clans
- One in every hundred runners will receive the limited edition Jar Jar Binks skin and will be hunted for the rest of their days
- Catgirl avatars for the true otaku's
- Tube tops
- Hats

As for the Historical Chronicles, I think Ben and Zane have got the wrong idea as to what they're gonna be about, but that's ok, I'll educate y'all soon...

NERD Editor
17-10-03, 12:23
Otaku is a Japanese word for fanboys, generally used in reference to anime obsessed fans (you know, got posters on the walls and dolls and figurines of their favourite characters and sleep in pyjama's from their favourite show etc.... like Trekkies to Star Trek).

Anywho, I'm pretty much ready to start the Historical Chronicles this weekend so keep an eye out. It will be in a new thread, rather than this one.

NERD Editor
19-10-03, 15:56
NERD: Historical Chronicles (http://forum.neocron.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=1001944#post1001944)

Right, the Chronicles have begun. Since they're not directly linked to any particular server, the post is in the RP: Global section.

So, on we go, I'm sure you'll all let me know if its a big pile of crap or not....

NERD Editor
23-11-03, 09:55
Well... I'm not a moderator, so I'll leave it up to them as to exactly what they do, but I'm pretty much done with this thread, and as this thread was 30% me telling a story and 70% everyone else commenting, and as the one who started it, I'll just make a request.

I'm done with this thread for all time. When I get round to NERD: Saga 2 it will be a fresh thread, so there's no more need for this one to be open, so at the request of the starter (of the original) could this thread be closed, and probably unstickied for tidiness. Also I don't know if its possible, but could something like what Gotterdammerung did before happen and have the first thread cleaned of commentary and have it merged with this one so all 50 issues can be just solidly read together? I know that a lot of people shy away from starting to read NERD's because the first thread is just so freakn huge still and since all the NERD sites are dead I'd really like the whole collection to be accessible in one place. As for the loyal fans who like to have their commentary in and around the place, don't worry, the new NERD story will start sooner than anticipated so you'll have somewhere else to rant on.

But at the very least I would like to request this thread be closed, there's no further need for it to be open any more.

Thanks to the mods for their patience in letting this monstrosity go as long and as far as it did and to all 60,000 readers of the two posts for their support and responses.

Here endeth NERD: Saga 1.

26-11-03, 13:59
Closed, will sort it out later.

/edit - Sorted, well, as sorted as it will get, all the issues should be in this thread now.