Need Feedback On Poem

[PenguinNick]

Alright, I am entering this poem in a contest for teens (13 - 19) and I'm 15 so I wanted to know what you guys think of my poem before I submit it.

The Brave Child

The Child Walked Into The School
Thinking It To Be A Normal Day
He Talked With His Friends
Then He Heard Someone Say

Evacuate The School
There's A Kid With A Gun
I Guess He Doesn't Realize
You Don't Shoot People For Fun

The Child Turned Around
And Acted So Brave
He Saved All His Friends Even Though
He Did So To His Grave

[\\Fényx//]

not bad, more lyrics in a way of a poem, but still pretty good

[Jest]

Hmmm excellent poem. To be honest I'm not really one for standard rhyming poetry but I think you did an awesome job with it. Also you can probably think of a better name for the poem. The name certainly fits, but it doesn't really capture the essence of the poem. (<--- yes I also want to kick my own ass for writing that). It seems like the point of your poem is not JUST the brave child but that you are trying to express something more than that. Try and capture your motivation in the name. But definitely a quality poem, sure as hell better than anything I can do.

[Wannabe]

Not bad.

You should check out Deviantart (http://vaeltaja.deviantart.com) for some of my pathetic stuff =)

// Wannabe

[Bob Monkhouse]

Do you want an honest critique Nick? I voted that I didn't like it, but since you are 15 I don't want to be too harsh on a public forum.

PM me if you want to know why or want me to post the reasons on the forum.

Sorry

:(

[Ryleck]

its good but id say with teachers the way they are today youd be burnt at the steak if you mention terrorism to them =(