Ned's Bohemian Rhapsody

[Elric]

aka. The Glaswegian Bohemian Rhapsody

:lol:... enjoy

Is this the real life, is it the methodone?
Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
Open yer wine an' talk wi' a whine like me.
Um just a weeji, wearing mah Burberry
Cos I'll chib yer pal, rip yer Da; slash yer dug, ride yer ma!
Any way the Clyde flows Disnae really mater tae me......tae me.

Haw Maw, just chibbed some bam,
Buckie bottle tae the heid,
An noo the f*ckin' b*stard's deid!
Haw Maw, Um just oan parole,
An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee....

Haw Maw, ooh oohooh ooh,
Never meant tae steal yer purse,
But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'.
Carry oot, carry oot!
An we'll go oot oan the batter!

Too late, the bailiff's here,
Sends shivers doon ma spine,
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time.
Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go,
Got tae go and rip some c**t fae up the scheme.
Haw Maw, ooh oohooh ooh
I'm a jakey bam, I sometimes think I've never been washed at all.

I see a little silhouetto of a bam,
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us a kergo?
Thunderbird, White Lightning, very very frightning to me!
Twenty Mayfair,
Twenty Mayfair, Twenty Mayfair and some skins,
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!

I'm just a fat boy, nae body loves me,
He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
Spare us a pound fur some minted Burberry!
Get tae f*ck, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
Forf*cksake, No! I will no' get a job! - Get a job!
Forf*cksake, I will
no' get a job! - Get a job! Forf*cksake, Will you get a job?
Get a job! Will no' get a job, get a job!
Will no' get a job, get a job!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.....

Oh gonorrhoea! gonorrhoea! gonorrhoea and the clap!
Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside for me?
For me, for meeeee!?

So you 'hink you can slash me and pish in my eye?
So ye 'hink ye can chib me an' leave me tae die?
Haw bawbag, can't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot, just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!

F*ck all really matters, Any c**t can see,
F*ck all really matters, f*ck all really matters to me!
Any way the Clyde flows....


(edit) oops, missed a bit

[Rachius]

That.. that is just beautiful *tear*

[Bob Monkhouse]

Did anyone see the documentory a few years ago about Ned jelly addicts in Paisley? Basically Jellies (Temazapam for those who dont know) used to come in gell filled capsules for oral use, but addicts would open them, melt the drug on a spoon and inject it. What they didnt realise was that the makers had added a coagulant to help prevent this activity, so once the mixture hit the blood stream it started to form clots.

This Prime Ned specimen was seen from the waist up hobbling around his kitchen on crutches, and recounted (I have paraphrased and translated, what he said needed subtitles for us non Neds) how he had lost a leg because of blood clots due to jelly abuse. The interviewer asked him if this put him off abusing prescription drugs, to which our "hero" replies "NAW MAN, I JUST STARTED ON THE OTHER LEG".

The camera then pans around and we see that this piece of retarded scum does indeed have two legs fewer than average, and we are then informed that he now injects into his arms instead.

Sadly I believe the Government banned Jellies in capsule form shorty after this film was broadcast, thus removing one prime method of removing Neds from the gene pool, ie slow suicide due to limb removal.

Sorry this isn't very funny, unlike Elric's Fanfare for the Common Ned, but the mention of jellies in that song reminded me of this illustration of why WE>NEDS.

BTW Elric, me and the missus almost died laughing at the "whatever" takeoff on Glasgowsurvival.co.uk

[Elric]

Originally posted by Bob Monkhouse
WE>NEDS.

Thats Sig worthy material right there....

but damn, Id never seen that dopcumentary... the mentality of some people astounds me...