View Full Version : [OT] Writing A Book
Heyo all, I'm writing a book atm set in a cyberpunk world, inspired by Neocron and Shadowrun, it's currently only 2 and a bit pages long but I plan on writing a full book, anyone interested in hearing it, because I need some criticism, ideas and what to improve on. :)
hell yeah, show us what you got
Here it is:
H4CK3D
3AM. I wake up in my shitty little apartment. My video-phone is ringing and I stumble out of bed to answer it. "It's 3 in the morning, what do you want?" I mumble down the phone angrily. Upon looking at the video-phone I notice that the face display is blank, whoever's on the other side is using illegal blocking software. "Mr. Jones?" A deep, coarse voice responds. "Yeah, that's me.. so what do you want?" I reply. "I have a mission for you. The reward is 500XD and will be transferred to you BOX account after you have done what I want, do not contact me again until you are done and do not call this number. I have left a hacked holo-phone in a bin in street #0172 Reg. 491 containing your mission's details and a way to contact me, it is to be used only one. You will also find a Darius Arms Snow Devil 11mm pistol with 1 full magazine. Good luck." The phone goes dead.
500 Xen Dollars, that's alot of money, more then enough for a new hack-deck.. I walk away from the video-phone to find my hack-deck. Upon looking around my darkened room I realise my PC is still on and the holo-screen is blinking code at me. My deck is lying on the floor next to my PC and written on it is XS1790 Hacking Interface Deck. The XS17 series hack-decks are illegal decks made to be best at hacking into bank accounts, government systems and military systems, perfect for my line of work.
The 9 hour curfew is still in effect and if I get caught I'll almost certainly be shot on sight, or worse, be "questioned" by the New Xen Dept. of Anti-terrorism (the New Xen Secret Police as they are commonly called), so I grab a Disposable Energy Projectile Weapon and go to get changed. I put on some black knee-padded trousers and a plated shirt, slip on my trenchcoat, grab my shades and walk out of my apartment.
New Xen, what a shithole.. With no streetlights the only way to see what you're doing is by the harsh, green glow of the propaganda holo-screens. As I walk down my apartment steps, I look around. The streets are littered with rubbish and there are shell casings glistening under the un-natural lighting. Upon closer inspection with my retina implants some seem to be 7.62mm armour piercing, recently fired. The 7.62 AP round is the standard rifle round of the New Xen Police Force, and works effectively against humans and cyborgs alike. What worries me is that the rounds have been recently fired; It could mean there are drones still patrolling, so keeping to the shadows and taking back-alleys is a good idea.
To stay out of sight of any police drones I take a somewhat obscure alley-way leading to street #0184. Alley-ways are just as dangerous as being in the open at night, as they are common places for the homeless and gangers to dwell. As I walk down the alley I notice a tall bulky figure lurking under the cover of the shadows. I walk further down the darkened and concealed alley and as I get closer to him he stops me.
"Hey, you, ya wanna buy sum of da good stuff?" He asks in a broken and rough accent. He's a dreg, clad in dirtied and torn clothes, with a knife holster on his leg. Upon looking at him closer I notice his left tusk has been broken and he's missing an eye, as well as 3 of his jagged, protruding front teeth. "I don't do drugs." I reply hastily.
END
I currently haven't finished that paragraph but will be finishing it either today or tomorrow.
Note that a dreg is an ork-like creature which used to be human and has mutated from the pollution and radiation of the wastelands, and a BOX account is a Bank Of Xen account. Any other things that confuse anyone or need explaining just say.
I also have a drawn image of the Darius Arms Snow Devil and Disposable Energy Projectile Weapon (DEPW) and will see if I can scan them and post 'em here today or tomorrow.
Hope you all like it!
Drachenpaladin
30-09-11, 18:54
Hmm... distributed chapter by chapter over a blog = go!
As a fullfledged book... O_o
Dunno.. Your first attempt?
Hmm... distributed chapter by chapter over a blog = go!
As a fullfledged book... O_o
Dunno.. Your first attempt?
Second story I've written, the other being one I did through year 6 and never finished.
Drachenpaladin
30-09-11, 19:08
Well, some more experience is recommended for a book.
You will encounter lots of difficulties that will just demotivate you this way.
Learn to crouch before walking.
Well, some more experience is recommended for a book.
You will encounter lots of difficulties that will just demotivate you this way.
Learn to crouch before walking.
I'm only 13 so I don't meaning getting a book published, but just writing a full book.
more then enough for a new hack-deck..
More than enough
Without having read copious amounts of cyberpunk / futuristic dystopian fiction, I feel that novels that "make it" tend to be written from a third person narrator's perspective rather than a lengthy first person recollection of what "I" did.
Just my two cents :)
So you guys don't think it's very good then?
Drachenpaladin
30-09-11, 20:47
I'm only 13 so I don't meaning getting a book published, but just writing a full book.
Lol, ok the from who i have met in my NC-life the average age of the common Neocron-player is 25 or so... :D
But yeah just keep writing, you can only improve.
Also, avoid doing explanations in brackets. Try to incorporate it somewhat into the world or story.
Lol, ok the from who i have met in my NC-life the average age of the common Neocron-player is 25 or so... :D
But yeah just keep writing, you can only improve.
Also, avoid doing explanations in brackets. Try to incorporate it somewhat into the world or story.
I see what you mean about brackets, gonna edit it a little bit where I used 'em. :P
You always need to start somewhere, and do not be discouraged by any criticism sent your way.
Are you looking for someone to proofread it for errors or just looking for content critique?
I used to do copy writing for a radio station (I even had an NC oldie voice a commercial for me lol :X anyhoo) and the best thing to do before you ever start is flush out your idea. Have an idea for the beginning, middle, and end. Perhaps even start by doing a character bio for your main character. Know where you want to go with it.
Everyone needs to start somewhere, and I admire your creativity. Keep at it and did you know you was 4 years old when I started playing Neocron? You just made me feel really old at just 28 :)
You always need to start somewhere, and do not be discouraged by any criticism sent your way.
Are you looking for someone to proofread it for errors or just looking for content critique?
I used to do copy writing for a radio station (I even had an NC oldie voice a commercial for me lol :X anyhoo) and the best thing to do before you ever start is flush out your idea. Have an idea for the beginning, middle, and end. Perhaps even start by doing a character bio for your main character. Know where you want to go with it.
Both; I need help on finding errors, rewriting and editing.
I'm usually not very good at planning things and I've been writing the story as I go, but I will write my ideas down and write a character biography.
Everyone needs to start somewhere, and I admire your creativity. Keep at it and did you know you was 4 years old when I started playing Neocron? You just made me feel really old at just 28 :)
I think I was probably about 4 when I actually found out about Neocron. xD My bro had the offline demo on a PC Gamer demo disc and I played it a ton, back then I was too young to properly understand 'Cron though and just thought it was a "fun game with guns". xD
3AM. I wake up in my shitty little apartment. My video-phone is ringing and I stumble out of bed to answer it. "It's 3 in the morning, what do you want?"
The reader already knows it is three in the morning. Best to remove at least one reference.
He awoke in his grim little apartment, and stumbled out of bed to answer the video-phone. Using the 'phone as a crutch to balance his jaded state and vanishing dream, he spat out "It's 3 in the morning, what do you want?"
I know I changed the author's style and story.
Yeah you tend to repeat some things too much, or really go into and explanation of the thing you are describing. First person narative should really be how a person thinks in such a situation, integrating any descriptions into the story itself. Like when explaining the drones, just go from finding those rounds to checking around for the drones sure to still be around.
And writing the start/middle/end isn't really about planning, it is about giving yourself something to write about, without it the story will have no point, and become boring fast. Just look at writing the story arc as writing the whole story in a few sentences.
but it seems you are already going that way, since you've been given a mission. For yourself, just try to imagine what will happen when hes on the mission, whether its a success, whether it will go on after, what the climax of the story will be, and how you will close off the story.
3AM. I wake up in my shitty little apartment. My video-phone is ringing and I stumble out of bed to answer it. "It's 3 in the morning, what do you want?"
The reader already knows it is three in the morning. Best to remove at least one reference.
He awoke in his grim little apartment, and stumbled out of bed to answer the video-phone. Using the 'phone as a crutch to balance his jaded state and vanishing dream, he spat out "It's 3 in the morning, what do you want?"
I know I changed the author's style and story.
Very good writing, but I'm not sure I could change from 1st person to 3rd without pretty much rewriting the whole thing.
I see your point about the 3AM thing, will remove the first time I mention it.
Having read some of my other writing I never actually wrote my stories in 3rd person. Probably why they haven't been very good, but because of such I don't actually know how to properly write in 3rd person.
Yeah you tend to repeat some things too much, or really go into and explanation of the thing you are describing. First person narative should really be how a person thinks in such a situation, integrating any descriptions into the story itself. Like when explaining the drones, just go from finding those rounds to checking around for the drones sure to still be around.
And writing the start/middle/end isn't really about planning, it is about giving yourself something to write about, without it the story will have no point, and become boring fast. Just look at writing the story arc as writing the whole story in a few sentences.
but it seems you are already going that way, since you've been given a mission. For yourself, just try to imagine what will happen when hes on the mission, whether its a success, whether it will go on after, what the climax of the story will be, and how you will close off the story.
I had indeed thought I had gone into too much detail about everything, don't think I'm gonna keep writing this story as it's not very good. :P
I had indeed thought I had gone into too much detail about everything, don't think I'm gonna keep writing this story as it's not very good. :P
to be honest, rewriting these few paragraphs shouldn't really be a problem. rewriting whole chapters is more likely to happen than not ;) That said, I've only ever written non-fiction, but those generally needed about 10 rewrites, some completely new sections.
to be honest, rewriting these few paragraphs shouldn't really be a problem. rewriting whole chapters is more likely to happen than not ;) That said, I've only ever written non-fiction, but those generally needed about 10 rewrites, some completely new sections.
So do you suggest I rewrite paragraphs and improve on what needs improving on or just scrap it and not even write the story? Cause I don't know what to do. :P
And should I try and change to 1st person or just keep with 3rd?
just continue the story in third. dont worry about what you wrote already, you can always come back and fix it later ;)
ye, try to finish this story, even if it is in a shorter form. You will feel more at home writing the next story if you finish this one.
but like tarasm said, it's even okay to just continue any way u like, the point is the story and the practice, if you are happy with whatever you write next, you can always come back and fix the beginning.
You have set the stage so to speak, now you can focus on the story itself, what is going happen? what effect does this mission have on the character?
Drachenpaladin
30-09-11, 23:34
ye, try to finish this story, even if it is in a shorter form. You will feel more at home writing the next story if you finish this one.
Writing a book with 13 is maybe a bit too much, but as the previous posters state: finish that story. It doesn't need to be your book already. A short-story is a good start too.
Thanks guys, I'm gonna finish this story (and make it a short story at that) and then move on to another one in the future. Strange thing is I think the reason is that I've put too much description and written in 1st person is because I was thinking of a kind of text adventure game style. :P
William Antrim
01-10-11, 14:12
If you're 13 dude then my advice to you is to get your English teacher to have a look at it.
I started writing an nc story about six years ago and its now 95% complete. I am actually sat here proof reading it now. I don't wish to hijack your thread but fuck me its difficult even with a rich and diverse content that I have. I have written it in third person following the life of one runner and all of his problems and issues making it in the world. It stars a fair few old faces from nc1 (Uranus) and goes into graphic and gratuitous violence throughout.
However the hard part is, for me, maintaining motivation. It has been sat on my hard drive for the best part of that time trying to get finished but I never managed it. I am gonna finally finish it in this return to nc though. You're more than welcome to have a sneak peak and see what I did (I am a little older than you and have read a lot of old cyberpunk books for inspiration/borderline plagiarism) but i never intended it to be published, just for people of nc to read it and some of my old friends to reminisce mostly.
The best way to try to stay on track though (IMO) is to set out how many chapters you want and write each one separately. Even start with bullet points of the content of each one and then fill em out as you go. Make each loosely link in to the next if your story follows one individual but yes write in the third person, we fight in first and we write in third. :D
From there be prepared for some criticism if you do put it out on forums etc (I found most of my chapters started with weather references for example as I could never find a background and as I wrote it felt more like a screen play than a real story - this might be my imagination running away but not sure) I also found big holes in my story after proof read because my brain had jumped from the mexican stand off to bodies being counted and the smoke clearing in two or three steps. It made things difficult as i got carried away with the action in my head and forgot that the reader is not in my head and theyre going off their own imagination and my words.
The best thing to do as many have said is just keep plugging away at it!
you will get there, its a good start.
:D
If you're 13 dude then my advice to you is to get your English teacher to have a look at it.
I started writing an nc story about six years ago and its now 95% complete. I am actually sat here proof reading it now. I don't wish to hijack your thread but fuck me its difficult even with a rich and diverse content that I have. I have written it in third person following the life of one runner and all of his problems and issues making it in the world. It stars a fair few old faces from nc1 (Uranus) and goes into graphic and gratuitous violence throughout.
However the hard part is, for me, maintaining motivation. It has been sat on my hard drive for the best part of that time trying to get finished but I never managed it. I am gonna finally finish it in this return to nc though. You're more than welcome to have a sneak peak and see what I did (I am a little older than you and have read a lot of old cyberpunk books for inspiration/borderline plagiarism) but i never intended it to be published, just for people of nc to read it and some of my old friends to reminisce mostly.
The best way to try to stay on track though (IMO) is to set out how many chapters you want and write each one separately. Even start with bullet points of the content of each one and then fill em out as you go. Make each loosely link in to the next if your story follows one individual but yes write in the third person, we fight in first and we write in third. :D
From there be prepared for some criticism if you do put it out on forums etc (I found most of my chapters started with weather references for example as I could never find a background and as I wrote it felt more like a screen play than a real story - this might be my imagination running away but not sure) I also found big holes in my story after proof read because my brain had jumped from the mexican stand off to bodies being counted and the smoke clearing in two or three steps. It made things difficult as i got carried away with the action in my head and forgot that the reader is not in my head and theyre going off their own imagination and my words.
The best thing to do as many have said is just keep plugging away at it!
you will get there, its a good start.
:D
Thanks. ;D I would love to see your story, sounds really good. :D
I've also had my teachers look at it (don't have an English teacher, I'm not in school technically), and all they said was "it's really good". :P
William Antrim
01-10-11, 16:44
Ok well ask the prison guards to look at it.... or wherever you are!
:D
no seriously just ask for some constructive feedback, anyone who is reasonably literate in english should at least be able to point you out with sentence structure and grammar - much better than a word processor program can do anyhow.
I also recommend reading a few books.
William Gibson's Neuromancer is a good start (and the follow on books from that).
Phillip K Dick's Do androids dream of electric sheep? is another good one to read, a collection of short stories written by one of America's greatest authors. You might even recognise a few of his stories if you are up on your Arnie films.
Failing that just do what I did and think about all the uber things you would love to do in your life but cant and use that as a fantasy and an escape. Remember in your head your characters are just that, they're your toys to play with and do with as you wish. You can love them, live them, laugh at them, kill them, resurrect them and laugh at them some more. Their lives are in the palm of your hand and you are their master. If your ideas are good enough then other people will want to read them.
Just have a go. See what happens, if you get no other audience then post them here and I am sure at least one or two people will read them and give you some feedback as I said.
Drachenpaladin
01-10-11, 17:27
I also recommend reading a few books.
William Gibson's Neuromancer is a good start (and the follow on books from that).
Phillip K Dick's Do androids dream of electric sheep? is another good one to read, a collection of short stories written by one of America's greatest authors. You might even recognise a few of his stories if you are up on your Arnie films.
Not to forget Snowcrash... the book from Neil Stephenson of course ^^
From the experiences i made during my scientific work, it is most often quite advantageous if you don't jump into writing right away. You will make your life much easier if you first scratch everything. Meaning, first develop what the book/story should be about, the whole story summarized on one page or maybe two. The text doesn't need to be good. Most often it is advantageous to only use catchwords and short sentences. Just write down the key points. Afterwards start developing a chapter structure, what should happen when, in which chapter. Once you have done that fill every chapter with key points and go into more detail. As soon as you know what every chapter will be about, you may start writing. The good thing about this approach is that you will always have a clear picture of what your book/story will be about. You first develop the overall picture and then fill in all the small details.
Basically it is a matter of taste how you work, but that always helps me alot when writing longer texts.
William Antrim
01-10-11, 18:01
From the experiences i made during my scientific work, it is most often quite advantageous if you don't jump into writing right away. You will make your life much easier if you first scratch everything. Meaning, first develop what the book/story should be about, the whole story summarized on one page or maybe two. The text doesn't need to be good. Most often it is advantageous to only use catchwords and short sentences. Just write down the key points. Afterwards start developing a chapter structure, what should happen when, in which chapter. Once you have done that fill every chapter with key points and go into more detail. As soon as you know what every chapter will be about, you may start writing. The good thing about this approach is that you will always have a clear picture of what your book/story will be about. You first develop the overall picture and then fill in all the small details.
Basically it is a matter of taste how you work, but that always helps me alot when writing longer texts.
yeah do this, this is what i was trying to get across.
Ok well ask the prison guards to look at it.... or wherever you are!
:D
no seriously just ask for some constructive feedback, anyone who is reasonably literate in english should at least be able to point you out with sentence structure and grammar - much better than a word processor program can do anyhow.
I also recommend reading a few books.
William Gibson's Neuromancer is a good start (and the follow on books from that).
Phillip K Dick's Do androids dream of electric sheep? is another good one to read, a collection of short stories written by one of America's greatest authors. You might even recognise a few of his stories if you are up on your Arnie films.
Failing that just do what I did and think about all the uber things you would love to do in your life but cant and use that as a fantasy and an escape. Remember in your head your characters are just that, they're your toys to play with and do with as you wish. You can love them, live them, laugh at them, kill them, resurrect them and laugh at them some more. Their lives are in the palm of your hand and you are their master. If your ideas are good enough then other people will want to read them.
Just have a go. See what happens, if you get no other audience then post them here and I am sure at least one or two people will read them and give you some feedback as I said.
I actually bought Neuromancer on my Kindle the other day but I've yet to start reading as I'm currently reading through Never Deal With A Dragon, which is a Shadowrun book.
William Antrim
01-10-11, 20:53
When i was 13 we went to libraries but ok.... yeah :D
I posted a short story I wrote today for you. Well its 20k words so had to be split into two posts (bloody forum limit) but its an excerpt from my story. A taster if you will. Feel free to leaf through it anyhow. I hope it inspires you.
It is a first draft cos I have just sat here and written it off the top of my head just now so if you see grammar and spelling errors thats why. I am off out now but will check in with you later on.
have fun dude. happy reading.
The video-phone awoke him as subtlety as church bells rolling down steps. Using one elbow to push his aching body through the grime, he swiped the answer button with his free hand and blurted out, "It's three in the morning, what do you want?" It was his flat and it stunk of piss or vomit, not that he could smell the difference anymore. Home it was not, but it was still his shitty apartment.
The 'phone display is faceless, and without caller identification. 'I won't be calling this chap back.'
Faceless speaks, "Mister Jones?"
- "Yeah, that's me. So, what do you want?"
- "I have a mission for you."
Keep writing and make sure you tell the complete story!
I think most people have given you the main bit of advice, try tell the story in 3rd person.
Back when NC went from NC1 to NC2 in 2004. I foolishly(?) decided to try and tell the story of how Fallen Angels ended up in the Dome. It didn't quite go to plan, as it was meant to follow the in-game events, but somehow, I got there in the end. It took me about 4 months to get there. :) Have a read at http://forum.techhaven.org/viewtopic.php?t=1372 (And yes I'm sure it's still full of Grammar errors!)
And don't be afraid to borrow ideas from other stories. (I know I have!)
Keep writing and make sure you tell the complete story!
I think most people have given you the main bit of advice, try tell the story in 3rd person.
Back when NC went from NC1 to NC2 in 2004. I foolishly(?) decided to try and tell the story of how Fallen Angels ended up in the Dome. It didn't quite go to plan, as it was meant to follow the in-game events, but somehow, I got there in the end. It took me about 4 months to get there. :) Have a read at http://forum.techhaven.org/viewtopic.php?t=1372 (And yes I'm sure it's still full of Grammar errors!)
And don't be afraid to borrow ideas from other stories. (I know I have!)
I'll have to rewrite the whole story then. :P Not much of a problem there as I was only 2 pages in but I'm not actually used to writing in third person.
Doc Holliday
04-10-11, 10:36
I'll have to rewrite the whole story then. :P Not much of a problem there as I was only 2 pages in but I'm not actually used to writing in third person.
third is the best aspect to tell the story in. i dont like reading stuff written in the first person. it doesnt allow me to let my imagination go as much. thats my reason why. good luck tho ash.
third is the best aspect to tell the story in. i dont like reading stuff written in the first person. it doesnt allow me to let my imagination go as much. thats my reason why. good luck tho ash.
Yeah. Upon rereading my first person writing it actually sounds more of a list of "I did this" and "I did that" than third person does.
William Antrim
04-10-11, 18:45
With third person narration you can also "jump" between the heads of your different characters with their own private thoughts, desires, secrets and dreams.
All of this will flesh out your story so much more. The biggest single thing to keep a readers interest is a punchy plot closely followed by character development in my opinion. If your characters don't learn or develop or go through some other experiences then people cannot relate to them. If people (readers) can relate to your characters they are more likely to either like or hate them. Displaying emotion towards your characters is a natural reaction and again makes for a more interesting read.
Anyway I have harped on enough, what else have you got for us?
With third person narration you can also "jump" between the heads of your different characters with their own private thoughts, desires, secrets and dreams.
All of this will flesh out your story so much more. The biggest single thing to keep a readers interest is a punchy plot closely followed by character development in my opinion. If your characters don't learn or develop or go through some other experiences then people cannot relate to them. If people (readers) can relate to your characters they are more likely to either like or hate them. Displaying emotion towards your characters is a natural reaction and again makes for a more interesting read.
Anyway I have harped on enough, what else have you got for us?
Totally agree about that, third person is much better than first person in terms of stories.
Also sadly I don't have anymore of my story written as I haven't had the time to write it and/or have been too lazy to, I start proper school again for the first time in 1, nearly 2 years on Friday and will see if I can get more writing done once at school. :)
I've started rewriting my story using advice from here, I'm writing it in third person too! :D I'm only about a sentence in (I work slow) but I'll eventually get it written, will post what I've written when I reach a whole page written.
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