Hell-demon
07-11-07, 13:57
Bodgit Technologies
Plaza Sector 3
Lift Code: lovestospooge
Dear Sir, Madam or whatever you want to call yourself, right now I can think of a few names for you.
I’m writing to complain about a recent purchase of one of your “state of the art” servo robots. On retiring to my apartment with said purchase, I was horrified to find that all my family and next of kin were subsequently maimed and slaughtered in front of my innocent eyes as soon as I opened the box. I didn’t even have chance to remove the price tag before said robot had bludgeoned my granny to death with her own walking stick. After the initial murdering spree I requested my newly bought robot to make me some toast, at which point he vaporised my dog. I quickly looked through the manual which was mostly written in German and when I did find the paragraph written in English it was about as useful as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition.
The point I’m trying to make is - I’m very disappointed. All I wanted was a robot to help me with the chores around the apartment, which was stated on your website when I was thinking of buying the bloody thing, imagine my dismay when I am greeted not by the sight of freshly cleaned bed sheets but a rampaging robot hunting the postman for sport.
Yes, I have tried to turn the thing off, a suggestion made by your lousy technical support and I can honestly say such an act is futile because when I tried to the robot dislocated my arm. As I write this I have barricaded the apartment door to protect me from your psychotic robot and I am hoping at some point it runs out of power or the postman comes round. I will have to jump out of the window and run to a nearby City Administration building all the while on edge and fearful for my life. Put it this way I don’t need a laxative.
All I ask is that you refund my purchase and possibly pay some of the funeral bills. That’s all. I think that’s a pretty fair deal considering everyone I love and care about is now dead and the postal service have black listed my apartment.
Please listen to my request you miserable, money grabbing bastards.
Yours sincerely
Ivan Pinkle
Plaza Sector 3
Lift Code: lovestospooge
Dear Sir, Madam or whatever you want to call yourself, right now I can think of a few names for you.
I’m writing to complain about a recent purchase of one of your “state of the art” servo robots. On retiring to my apartment with said purchase, I was horrified to find that all my family and next of kin were subsequently maimed and slaughtered in front of my innocent eyes as soon as I opened the box. I didn’t even have chance to remove the price tag before said robot had bludgeoned my granny to death with her own walking stick. After the initial murdering spree I requested my newly bought robot to make me some toast, at which point he vaporised my dog. I quickly looked through the manual which was mostly written in German and when I did find the paragraph written in English it was about as useful as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition.
The point I’m trying to make is - I’m very disappointed. All I wanted was a robot to help me with the chores around the apartment, which was stated on your website when I was thinking of buying the bloody thing, imagine my dismay when I am greeted not by the sight of freshly cleaned bed sheets but a rampaging robot hunting the postman for sport.
Yes, I have tried to turn the thing off, a suggestion made by your lousy technical support and I can honestly say such an act is futile because when I tried to the robot dislocated my arm. As I write this I have barricaded the apartment door to protect me from your psychotic robot and I am hoping at some point it runs out of power or the postman comes round. I will have to jump out of the window and run to a nearby City Administration building all the while on edge and fearful for my life. Put it this way I don’t need a laxative.
All I ask is that you refund my purchase and possibly pay some of the funeral bills. That’s all. I think that’s a pretty fair deal considering everyone I love and care about is now dead and the postal service have black listed my apartment.
Please listen to my request you miserable, money grabbing bastards.
Yours sincerely
Ivan Pinkle