View Full Version : Joke For You Whats Ur Best Joke
WHAT YOU CALL A MAN WITH A SEAGIL ON HIS HEAD
CLIFF LOL HAAHAHAHAHAHA
soooooooooooooo bored at work
rozzer187 told me this one
a guy buys a top hifi for his car and if you say what song you want like rock and roll guns and roses come on if you say country dolly parton comes on so this man was going down the road and some kids run out in front of him and he shouts fucking kids and gary glitter comes on hahahahaha
Edit button > Reply
Ima gonna say Average Joe's Joke coz his forum acc is banend :p
(Nid, im not posting on his behalf, im stealing his joke, he aint even online)
Whats the best thing about dating Twenty Eight Year olds -
There's 20 of them
... Sick tbh
-----------------
If you went campign with best mate and woke up with a soor ass and smelling of man love, Would you tell anyone?
Answer Please then ill reply - "YES OR NO" plz -
If you went campign with best mate and woke up with a soor ass and smelling of man love, Would you tell anyone?
Answer Please then ill reply - "YES OR NO" plz -
thats very old dude but its a good one
Presuming u said No-
Wanna go camping?
True, but its not as funny as with the guy we did it on Ventrill owith.... Well who Mace did it with - He said yes to going camping... Not even reliasing -
Yes it was Voodoo Thief.
Scaramanga
25-08-06, 18:22
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs nailed to a wall?
Art.
What? :p
Scaramanga
25-08-06, 18:27
What do you all a man with no shin?
Tony.
What do you all a man with no shin?
Tony.You fucker. I'm going to be laughing at that all night. :(
I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, how you met, or why they’re dead.
N
Hell-demon
25-08-06, 18:55
I wish my lawn was an emo...
that way it would cut itself :D
Had me first blow job today....
Fucking five whiskeys and I still can't get rid of the taste. :rolleyes:
Did you hear about the nostalgic gynecologist?
He went back to his hometown to look up an old girlfriend.
A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. You know what?", says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we start swearing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?" "Ok" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Oh, shit mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops" WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?! "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fuckin' arse it won't be Coco Pops."
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
Dribble Joy
25-08-06, 18:56
What do you all a man with no shin?
Tony.
What you call a prostitute with no legs?
Open all hours.
What you call a prostitute with no arms and legs?
Cash and Carry.
I worry about you sometimes nidhogg
I went to my doctor and told him "my penis is burning." He said, "That means somebody is talking about it."
http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive/PBF005AD-No_Survivors.jpg
N
/edit - this dude's (http://www.pbfcomics.com/) cartoons are hilarious. :)
I worry about you sometimes nidhoggAfter what I said to Scara I had nothing to say to Nid. More's the pity.
Hell-demon
25-08-06, 19:05
Doctor Doctor! I have 5 penises!
Really? How do your underpants fit?
Like a glove :D
/edit - this dude's (http://www.pbfcomics.com/) cartoons are hilarious. :)
That guy is awesome...
http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive/PBF186-Guntron_Alliance_Force.png
http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive/PBF073AD-Scorpy_the_Forest_Friend.jpg
N
Dribble Joy
25-08-06, 20:56
Read quite a bit of the archives. Deliciously horrible :D.
This forum was K-18, right?
How does a father know that his daughter is having periods?
Little brothers dick tastes of blood.
Dirtyest ever.
Spanks that is so fucking nasty....
[ edited ]
http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive/PBF187-Way_Too_Much.png
@spanks: Sick
@nobby: Not even remotely funny
Now here is a quality cartoon:
http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive/PBF027AD-Billy_the_Bunny.jpg
Scaramanga
26-08-06, 16:36
What's got 2 legs and bleeds a lot?
What's white and will kill you if it jumps out of a tree and lands on you in the jungle?
What do you call a fish with one eye?
Scanner Darkly
26-08-06, 19:58
A short one:
Q:How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:- wanna go ride bikes?
and a not so short one:
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
quote:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know
if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I
could do under the circumstances.
Love, Vinnie
edit: Thx retr0n I love PBF
Heavyporker
26-08-06, 22:12
OMG...
that tomato one is genius!
Scaramanga
27-08-06, 01:55
Half a dog.
A fridge.
One eyed fish.
http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive/0PBF31039BC-Sun_Love.jpg
Dribble Joy
27-08-06, 11:10
One of my favourite jokes, or rather lines, is from the South Park film.
Mr Garrison: I dunno, they're probably on their periods or something.
Gregory: Mr Garrison; Me and Wendy feel that was a sexist comment.
Mr Garrison: Well I'm sorry Gregory, but I just can't trust something that bleeds for three days and doesn't die....
Utterly terrible, but still amusing.
Best jokes come from chatting and when the magic happens and you piss yourself laughing...but you have to be there.
This one time though at band camp (well my sisters house) my nephew called me "lier lier pants on fire" and the smoke alarm went off like half a second later. Very funny if you where there....
Dribble Joy
27-08-06, 11:50
Me and my mates were in Hamburg for a stag party (weekend really).
We were in a resurant. Thing about being ina different country is that you can usually chat away in english and the locals won't know what you're on about, especially if you're using slang and stuff.
Anyway, someone asks how do we get the waitress over. Duncan (who is a dirty filthy man anyway) says...
'Grab her tit, twist it, then stick two finger in her pussy.'
The waitress behind him at the time says...
'That was very rude.'
She was Austrailian.
Scaramanga
01-09-06, 23:22
How do you stop a dog humping your leg?
Pick him up, suck his cock.
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
....................................................................................................
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"
Dribble Joy
02-09-06, 06:42
Why is going down on a girl like being in the mafia?
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
Heavyporker
02-09-06, 06:59
Damn.. I'm being outclassed! My comedian reputation is in jeopardy. Lemme think.... Time to pull out out of the sack...
" My life is horrible! I've only got one hole in my head. Every time I get excited, I throw up. My two best friends literally are nuts, and my next door neighbor is a real asshole!
It's no fun being a penis."
come you have to do better then that lol O_o ;)
Why is going down on a girl like being in the mafia?
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
I don't know about you, but that's one hell of a slip :lol:
http://www.liter.kz/files/Borat-flag.jpg
watching borat on youtube > jokes :lol:
Jagshemash!
So looking forward to the movie.
RogerRamjet
02-09-06, 15:16
Man walks into a bar.
Says "Ow".
Hell-demon
02-09-06, 15:22
A dislexic walks into a bra
:rolleyes:
Edit button > Reply
Ima gonna say Average Joe's Joke coz his forum acc is banend :p
(Nid, im not posting on his behalf, im stealing his joke, he aint even online)
Whats the best thing about dating Twenty Eight Year olds -
There's 20 of them
... Sick tbh
Or you could go down a worse road and say there's 28 of them o_O
Anyway here's my contribution.
What happened to the irish man who tried to blow up a bus.........?
He burnt his mouth on the exhaust! :lol: :D :lol:
Richard Slade
03-09-06, 02:19
The CIA, FBI and the NYPD are having a field demonstration in the woods..
A bunny is sent into the forest and their mission is to retrieve it.
The CIA starts interviewing every single animal, puts up spy cameras, bugs every tree and scans the whole place with a satelite.
After a few days, the bunny is found and retrieved via a bunch of undercover Ho'Bunnies.
The FBI is then up into their forest, whereas they surround the whole place, draw their guns, empty all the ammo they have straight into the forest and finally napalmbomb the whole place.
A few hours later when coal and ashes is what's left of the forest, they come up with the conclusion that there never was a bunny in the forest..
The NYPD finally get their turn, they storm in with 10men and then it all goes quiet... It's guiet for just about 20 hours..
When those hours have passed the 10 cops come out of the woods dragging a beaten, bloody and broken warthog who's crying and screaming
"I'M A BUNNY!!! I'M A BUNNY!!!"
Scaramanga
03-09-06, 12:52
Man walks into his house and sees his wife bent over naked on all fours.
Startled he says "sorry dear, i didnt recognise you without your teeth in"
http://jokes.comedycentral.com/images/v2/pix_clear.gif A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to bed.
Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and see what her hubby did when she wasn't around. As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor getting very friendly with every hottie in the place, and groping them when he could.
She then cut in and rubbed close to him. When the song ended, he leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Let's go outside." So the two costumed characters snuck off and occupied themselves in one of the parked cars.
Midnight was to be the unveiling of the party-goers, so she slipped out and went home before the clock struck twelve. When he got home she asked, "How was the party? Did you meet any interesting people?" He replied, ''You know me, dear. I don't have a good time when you're not with me. I ran into a few friends and we ended up in the basement playing poker. It wasn't very fun at all. But the guy I loaned my costume to had the time of his life!"
There were three men who got stranded on an island. A group of cannibals found the three men and took them to their place in the tropical rainforest of an island.
The cannibals told the three men to go in the rainforest and find ten of the same fruits each. So the three of them went into the woods to get fruits. An hour later they all came back.
The first man brought ten apples.
The Cannibals told the man to push all the apples up his ass with out crying, if he did not cry, the cannibals would let him go. The man pushed five up his ass then cried. The cannibals ate him.
The second man brought ten berries. The Cannibals told him to push all the berries up his ass without laughing, and if he didn't laugh, they would let him go. The man pushed nine up his ass then laughed. The cannibals ate him.
Up in heaven the first man asked the second man, "Why did you laugh, you were so close!" The second man says, '' I couldn't help it, the next guy came with ten pineapples. ''
Scaramanga
05-09-06, 00:31
A lady midget walks into the doctors surgery with a complaint of minge pains during stormy weather.
The doctor dropped to his knees and has a look to diagnose the problem. Two minutes later he pops up and says "you're cured".
He then tells the midget lady to run outside in the storm and see if she is cured.
Two minutes later, the rather wet lady midget returns and asks "that's fookin' amazin', I'm cured! What did you do?"
The doctor replies "Simple, i trimmed a couple of inches off your wellies."
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.3 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.