View Full Version : The Misadventures of Shleck

09-04-06, 12:42
More to come.............

William Griff was a very unfortunate child, shortly after his birth his parents were devoured by something and he was left an orphan with his neglectful uncle. His uncle was an alcoholic, a frequent drinker of Preacher’s Choice whiskey, and spent his days in his Outzone apartment getting drunk while William cried himself to sleep. However, fate, karma or just plain “shit happens” cosmic forces would change things for baby William. His uncle’s crummy apartment was raided by mutants. After William’s uncle was gutted and skinned, the mutants soon set their eyes on poor little William. Two mutants saw this neglected baby and decided that instead of eating him they would adopt him as their own. He was stripped of his birth name and named Shleck by his new parents.

William was not a mutant and it would be some time till he knew his past…

“Happy Birthday Shleck!” yelled Shleck’s mutant parents, Gromm and Teka, as they presented him with a roasted rat which had been pierced with 16 candles.

Shleck blew out the candles, the rat was then placed on the dining room table (not that shacks really have dining room tables) and the rest of the family sat down to eat. Shleck smiled at his portion of rat and was thankful for what he had. Though he mind was still plagued by something.

“So, did ya ask that Krela girl out?” asked Gromm glaring over the table at Shleck.

“No. She just laughed at me and called me a flesh bag.”

“Aaaawww never mind son.”

“Dad why was I born so deformed?” said Shleck sulkily.

Shleck’s “parents” stopped eating. Grandpa Yolin, who was a brain floating in a jar surrounded by fluid and wires, huffed at this remark. Gromm looked at Yolin with a cruel stare from his one good eye.

“Well, sometimes life deals you a bad hand. Sometimes a person gets born with perfect straight teeth and tight fitting skin. But that doesn’t make you a freak. It just means that your…special…and me and your mother love you very much.”

“Yes we do”, piped up Teka.

“At least celebrate the boy’s sixteenth with something a little fancier than roasted rat. It’s all you ever eat!” yelled Yolin.

“How dare you! I work my fingers to the bone and what do I have to show for it…BONEY FINGERS! It’s not easy cooking a rate when one of your arms has been replaced by a gatlin canon. So shut up before I remove ya vocal plugs,” said Gromm very sternly.

“Oh don’t you yell at me…I’ll kick your scabby behind!”

“What are you talking about? You’re legless.” retorted Teka.

“Nonsense! I haven’t touched a drop!”

“No, I mean you don’t have any legs. Don’t have a body either.”

“Quiet woman and just pass me some roasted rat.”

Gromm and Teka ignored Grandpa Yolin and went back to eating. When Shleck’s parents weren’t looking he sneakily placed a bit of rate meat in Yolin’s brain jar and winked at him.

Shleck had spent his entire life in the Outzone. In that time he had not made a single friend. All the other mutated kids made fun of him and wouldn’t let him play in their games of kick the human head and flesh slap ( basically the age old game of tag but you hit a person with a piece of skinned flesh from some unlucky traveller who passed through the Outzone). All the other kids had hair falling out, wretched teeth and gunky eyeballs. Shleck however, had straight teeth, blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, clear skin and genitals that worked.

Shleck sometimes felt he didn’t belong. Luckily he had his family on standby to give him cuddles and comfort. Although, Grandpa Yolin did seem to be holding back something, like he wanted to tell Shleck something and as Shleck grew up became increasingly eager to tell him something. Whether or not Yolin would tell him something or just call him an idiot like he usually does remained a mystery to Shleck.

Asurmen Spec Op
09-04-06, 19:39

13-04-06, 03:08
What's all this?

Hell-Demon managed to write a new story that wasn't lewd enough to make a church-going grandma blink?

I'm shocked! SHOCKED!

Asurmen Spec Op
13-04-06, 04:04
What's all this?

Hell-Demon managed to write a new story that wasn't lewd enough to make a church-going grandma blink?

I'm shocked! SHOCKED!
The next chapter will include hot asurmen-mutant sex

13-04-06, 12:26
The next chapter will include hot asurmen-mutant sex


13-04-06, 16:45
Woooo, nice one dude....that rocks

SiL ..:..

13-04-06, 18:03
Shleck had spent his entire life in the Outzone. In that time he had not made a single friend...

Luckily he had his family on standby to give him cuddles and comfort. Although, Grandpa Yolin did seem to be holding back something, like he wanted to tell Shleck something and as Shleck grew up became increasingly eager to tell him something.This sounds like hillbilly incest to me. o_O

13-04-06, 20:35
Next part tomorrow. Feeling fragile, had a visit from an emo girl who showed me her slashed wrists and her mean hand job skills :(

Anyway...I'll post later, much later. :( :( :(

Clive tombstone
14-04-06, 10:25
great stuff my friend (Im finally working on some of the comics, sorry for the damned delay, "easter" break is finally here.

14-04-06, 19:52
More to come *spurts*


Shleck peeled back the crusty sheets of his bedding, picked off the cockroaches and got into bed. He looked around, Gromm and Teka were fast asleep, and Grandpa Yolin was awake.
“Good night Grandpa”, said Shleck
“Good night ya idiot”, snarled Yolin.
Shleck closed his eyes and dreamed his wet little dreams about the mutant girl next door fondling his…

Suddenly Shleck was awoken by Teka shaking him. Shleck wearily looked around. Gromm was frantically grabbing supplies. Screams could be heard outside and Grandpa Yolin was yelling “Wake up ya idiot!” to Shleck. With very little explanation, Shleck was rushed to his feet and he, Gromm, Teka, and Grandpa Yolin ran far away to the old dusty abandoned church in the Outzone. They were not the only ones there however.

Huddled in the dank gloomy church were other families of mutants whimpering in fear. Outside the church mutant aggressors were loading up weapons and forming battle plans. Meanwhile, the mutant preacher, Rechta, was offering condolences to families. He soon noticed Gromm and his rather strange family and limped over them, his loose jaw wiggling as he did this.

“Ah, brother Gromm it iz veeeery gud to sey you.” hissed Rechta.

“What’s going on Father Rechta?”

“Eeet ish theee Geno-toooxic mutants….hhhhccchhhh…they have invaded da Outzone…weeee are hhhcccolding them off… for now…but it ish only a matur off time before they breach the perimeter and corrupt and transform us into their ranksssss.”

“What can we do?!”

“I hhhhave an idea…it involves Shhhhleck.”

Rechta and Gromm talked amongst themselves for a few minutes, all the while Shleck was holding Yolin in his arms. Rechta spied Shleck and walked up to him.

“Hello der Shhhleck”

“Oh hey Rechta! I was wondering can I become like an acolyte for the church?”

“Er…shertainly…all you haff to do is get a rusty knife and carve chunks off flesshh from your face, fool”

“Sounds a bit extreme.”

“Yessshhh succhh iz da price of…enlightenment. Shhhhleck I am requesting you for a…holy task…the Geno-toooxic mutants have driven us from our homes and will corrupt ussss. We need to fight back…we need more fire power. The only place we can geeet dis is frum the outside. I have shpokin to your…father… and he agrees that you are the right person for the job and that you shud go to the outside sectors and geet ussss some weaponsss.”

“Wow! Can Grandpa come with me?”

“Oh great, I have to go with shit for brains into the land of fleshies” huffed Yolin.

“Off course he can, he will guide you young Shhhleck. The outside is a shtrange and foreboding realm. Geeeet ussss weaponsss and save your…friends. We will be very gggrateful” Rechta smiled as he said this. His yellow teeth protruded from his face and his red eyes gazed at Shleck.

Teka packed Shleck a crunchy rat head for the trip, a first aid kit and a few credits, not much but enough to get by, and pointed him in the direction of the exit of the Outzone. Only Gromm and Teka waved Shleck goodbye. The other mutants were reinforcing defences to hold off the Genotoxic, which were growing in power. Teka held onto Gromm’s one able hand as they watched Shleck disappear into the unknown. They knew he would soon understand everything…

After much travelling, Shleck and Yolin found themselves in the Pepper Park red light district. The neon glow, the sex and sounds of gun fire in the distance was all new to Shleck. His eye widened at all these fantastical sights.

“Wow! Rechta weren’t kiddin’…this place is weird. I mean…these ladies clothes just seem to come off constantly. My clothes don’t do that.”

“They’re strippers, kid. They get paid to take off clothes” said Yolin in Shleck’s arms.

“That seems like a real easy job. Wonder what qualifications you need?”

“Big hooters. Now come on, we gotta find a gun store and get a load of weapons”

“Maybe that woman over there knows where we can get some?” said Shleck pointing to a busty latex clad hooker near an alley way.

Before Yolin could say anything, Shleck had already rushed up to the hooker. The hooker looked Shleck up and down and raised an eyebrow to the brain in a jar that he was holding.

“For a hundred creds I’ll suck your cock and for an extra fifty the brain can watch” said the hooker.

“Hell, I’m up for that!” yelped Yolin, bubbles now appearing in the jar.

“Er… I’m looking for some guns. Really cool ones…ones they can blast Genotoxic mutants to smithereens.” said Shleck enthusiastically.

The hooker eyed him up again.

“Well, darlin’, yall probably want Archer and Wessen. They gots a gun store in Plaza. They’ll sort you out.”

“Baby, if I had a body I’d show you where you could get my gun!” yelled Yolin.

“Thanks very much!” said Shleck.

Shleck skipped off with Yolin in hand, who was now whinging at the lack of sex, whilst the prostitute muttered “freaks” under her breathe. The pair took the hover cab to plaza (took it several times actually because Shleck had never been on one) and searched for Archer and Wessen. Whilst in Plaza Shleck asked a very pertinent question.

“Hey Grandpa, I…I just noticed…everyone here is just as deformed as me…what’s going on?”

“CRAHN DAMMIT BOY! Wake up and smell the dead drom!”

Shleck almost dropped Grandpa Yolin at this remark.

“Don’t you see…I’m not your Grandpa. I’m a fucking mutant brain in a jar; you’re a fleshy like all these other fleshies and I’m severely pissed off that we didn’t get any poon in Pepper Park!”

“What are you saying Grandpa?”

“I’m saying kid you’re not a mutant. Never have been. Ya were adopted.”

“But I am a mutant! Mom and Dad are mutants”

“Oh come on! Kid, ya still got the dingle in your dangle and tight skin. Nothing mutant about you. Your parents were fleshies and left you in the Outzone. I would have told ya sooner but Gromm and Teka wouldn’t let me.”

“If they’re not my parents then…then…who are?”

“I don’t know…hhhmm but maybe this guy knows?” said Yolin looking at a City Comm advertisement.

It read:


Asurmen Spec Op
14-04-06, 21:56
Oh.. yes....

15-04-06, 06:33
interesting... *awaits more*


15-04-06, 09:14
Excellent keep the story coming :D

Asurmen Spec Op
15-04-06, 09:24
interesting... *awaits more*


15-04-06, 12:07
great story, keep it up.

"How dare you! I work my fingers to the bone and what do I have to show for it…BONEY FINGERS!"

"For a hundred creds I’ll suck your cock and for an extra fifty the brain can watch” said the hooker."
classic :)

15-04-06, 22:20
more to come tomorrow


“Vell vell Mista Hard, looks like you’re a bit…how can I put zis…TIED UP har har har!” bellowed Colonel Von Krutz in his long black trench coat waving a German Luger pistol in his robotic hand.

Jake Hard, Private Detective, was chained to a metal pole outside some military barracks with a firing squad of five men with guns poised squarely on him. Squirming next to Colonel Von Krutz was the busty and beautiful millionaire scientist Dorothy Pussywillow, whose arm was being held onto by Von Krutz. She struggled to get free of Von Krutz grasp but it was of little use.

“Any last vords Mista Hard?” quipped Von Krutz with a cruel smile.

“Yes, get better chains”

With these words Jake broke free of his chains with his bare hands.

“GUARDZ FREI FREI!” yelled Von Krutz.

Jake jumped into the air dodging bullets in the process that were being fired at him by the firing squad. He delivered a round house kick to one of the guards which sent him flying into another guard and so forth causing a domino effect. Von Krutz aimed at Jake with his Luger but Jake quickly picked up a subdued guard off the ground and threw him at Von Krutz. Von Krutz was knocked to the ground by the thrown guard.

Dorothy ran up to Jake and kissed him passionately. Von Krutz and the guards quickly scrambled to their feet and aimed their guns at Jake and Dorothy. Dorothy gasped in fright.

“Don’t worry hun, I’ve got protection.” said Jake activating his deflector belt.

A shower of bullets ricocheted off Jake’s deflector field. The guards fired round after round but were soon left with no more ammo.

“Got a toothpick cutey?”

Dorothy withdrew a toothpick from under her silk red dress and handed it to Jake. Jake spied Von Krutz reloading his Luger. Jake threw the toothpick at Von Krutz and decapitated him. The guards ran away in horror.

“Oh Jake!” cooed Dorothy as she flung herself in his arms and kissed him passionately. Jake was feeling really happy now.

“Take me up the arse!” Dorothy cried.

Then everything seemed to melt.


“Fuck!” yelled Jake.

Asurmen Spec Op
15-04-06, 23:57

16-04-06, 08:56
LOL very funny. We want more :D

16-04-06, 15:53
LOL that was brilliant. I like your style of writing and humour.

16-04-06, 16:40
Heh very damn sweet dude >_<

SiL ..:..

26-04-06, 13:02
taaa daaa


Jake Hard grumpily entered his crummy apartment. He took out his pistol and placed it on his untidy desk littered with papers and porn mags. He stopped what he was doing and noticed a package on his desk. Jake carefully opened it. To his delight it was a bumper pack of woolly socks he had ordered. He was so depressed he stuffed the entire lot down his trousers.

There was a knock at the door...

Jake opened his apartment door to be greeted by a teenager in some scabby clothes holding a brain in a jar.

“What the fuck kid! What the hell are you doing with a frickin’ brain in a jar?”

“Ignore him, Shleck here thinks he’s a mutant. We need your help finding this poor bastards’ parents,” said Yolin.

Jake backed away, sat at his desk and sneakily grabbed his pistol in case any weird shit happened.

“Well, I know some people down at Protopharm who could do a blood test and trace the DNA to any matches on the city admin data base. However, this wont be cheap and I’m going to need payment.” said Jake as he folded his arms.

“Er… I have 500 creds! Wow it’s so nice to meet another deformed person! This place is really weird. We took a hover cab to Plaza, harassed a Copbot and…and…oh a stripper in Pepper Park showed me her vagina!” said Shleck.

An eerie silence filled the room.

“Rrrrriiiiiiiiiight. Okay kid, no time like the present, let’s gets you to the Protopharm lab.”

Three hours later and Shleck had the results from the Protopharm Lab. The results were proof enough that he was not a mutant. His parents, George and Emma Griff, were part of a clean up crew sent into Regants Legacy for military purposes. None returned. Shleck’s parents were believed to have been devoured by a large entity, which was apparent from the bite marks left on George’s foot, which was found at the scene.

However, Shleck received a bountiful life insurance fund from his deceased parents, which could was used promptly to buy a large arsenal of weaponry to be delivered to the Industrial sector. Jake and Yolin accompanied Shleck.

“Okay kid, I came all the way out here to help you with your guns but now I got to go.” said Jake rather nervously.

“Did you…did you…just shit yourself?” said Shleck sniffing the air.

“Kid, I’m out of here!” yelled Jake.

“Wait! I need you to help me get all this stuff to my family and friends!”

“Oh great, more fucked up little retards…”

“You should feel right at home then wont you,” mumbled Grandpa Yolin.

After a bit of coercion, Jake finally agreed to help Shleck. The trio travelled deep into the Outzone hauling crates of armaments. But when they reached Shleck’s home they found the place in ruin and strewed with debris. Shleck whimpered and look at the charred corpses surrounding him. He noticed the charred remains of the mutant girl next door and he rushed over to her.

“It’s Krela…she’s dead. I loved her…isn’t she beautiful, Jake?”

Jake looked at the crispy corpse; it’s horrid teeth pointing out of it’s burnt face.

“Er…sure kid. Hey, I’d hit that,” said Jake with a look of bemusement.

The trio heard a murmur from a pile of smouldering debris. A burnt hand stretched forth from the rubble. Shleck realised it was Gromm and quickly helped him out. Shleck rested Gromm’s head against his arm.

“You’ve returned…it’s good to see you...Shleck…”

Gromm was spluttering his words at this point. He was suffering internal bleeding.

“It’s okay! I brought weapons and stuff from the outside world. We can stop the Geno-toxics!”

“The bastards…burnt down…the shack and killed the other mutants. Father Rechta…. don’t trust him. The weapons never were for us…they were for them. You have to stop them Shleck!”

“Okay…Gromm I found out that I’m not a mutant. I’m a fleshy. But it was very nice that you took care of me.”

“You were the best son I never had. I’m proud of you…”

With those last words Gromm died in Shleck’s arms.

“Come on kid, lets get out of here. I really need to change my underwear,” said Jake.

“No. Let’s finish this!” said Shleck closing Gromm’s eyelids shut.

Shleck armed himself with a gatlin cannon and gave Jake a liberator SMG. The trio went deeper into the Outzone evading and killing Geno-toxics along the way. Eventually the trio arrived at the abandoned church, which seemed to be housing a very large entity inside. Jake blew open the church doors with a trash grenade and the trio raided the building only to stop in horror.

A towering creature of limbs and flesh was staring at them. It was the Geno-toxic Nightmare. By its side was Father Rechta. The Nightmare looked directly at Shleck.

“Aaaahhhh Shhhhleck… you haff dun well to bring the weapons to ussss. Now you can join the rankssss of the Geno-toxics. You will no longer be different…you will belong. Do you not see? The Geno-toxic are the next step to a greater gooood for all mutaunts. Join ussss…” said Rechta gleering at Shleck.

"HiS ScEnT IsssSSSs farMIliAr…I kNoW oF His FleSh…" said the Nightmare stepping a bit closer.

Shleck backed away slightly in horror.

“You…you killed my parents!” yelled Shleck.

The Nightmare roared and Rechta cackled.

“Join ussss Shhhhleck”

“My name is William”

Shleck fired a round of gatlin ammo at Rechta blowing chucks of bone and flesh from his scrawny body killing him instantly. The Nightmare roared and Jake was panicking. Jake was holding Yolin in one hand, so he threw the jar at the Nightmare. Yolin flew through the air screaming and his flight ended as his jar smashed against the Nightmare’s head. The Nightmare screamed. Yolin flopped onto the floor with a satisfying squelch.

“Ah! Moisture I need moisture!” yelled Yolin squirming on the floor.

Jake ran away leaving Shleck to face the Nightmare alone. The Nightmare swiped at Shleck, it knocked Shleck over and caused his gatlin cannon to slip from his grasp and clamber a foot away from Shleck. The Nightmare drew ever closer to Shleck and was very close to devouring him and reuniting him with his biological parents. In an act of defiance, Yolin squiggled over to the Nightmare and secreted the last of his slippery moisture near the Nightmare’s feet. The Nightmare slipped on the gooey substance, toppling over and landing at Shleck’s feet. Shleck rolled towards his gatlin cannon, grabbed it firmly and fired round after round at the Nightmare. The Nightmare was dead.

Without leadership the Geno-toxics disbanded and retreated the Outzone. Shleck gave the remaining mutants weapons to defend themselves and he won respect within mutant society. Yolin got himself a new jar as we living his usual disgruntled life. Shleck packed his bags and decided to leave the Outzone to peruse a happy and fruitful life in Neocron. The mutants waved Shleck, and Yolin who decided to tag along, goodbye as they left the Outzone. Shleck, or William as he was now going to be, was happy that things were going to be new and exciting.

The pair waited at the Outzone station awaiting the next hover cab to take them on their next adventure.

“Hey, William…can we got to Pepper Park?”

“Yes. Yes we can Yolin.”


Bugs Gunny
26-04-06, 13:15
I loved that.

You should get a regular collumn in the neocronicle.
Have jake hard write a collumn, like sex in the city, but something neocron related.

26-04-06, 15:50
Would the Neocronicle let me do that?

28-04-06, 19:52
Excellent keep them coming PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!