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View Full Version : Twisted Christmas Story 2: Here Guns Santa Claus



Hell-demon
04-12-05, 21:46
The sequal to last years Christmas story. Killzor the Warbot Santa is back and kicking ass.

*******************************************

It was Christmas in Neocron, snow falling down heavily, Christmas trees raised up high and prostitutes in Pepper Park freezing their tits off. Yes it was a festive time but more so at the McChockum Child orphanage in Pepper Park. Amidst the neon lights and depravity this dilapidated orphanage was host to many unfortunate children. Christmas was the only thing the children had going for them. One forlorn child named Curtis looked out of the broken window onto the streets of Pepper Park.

“CURTIS HOW MANY TIMES HAVE TOLD YOU TO NOT LOOK AT THE SLUTS OUTSIDE?!” boomed Killzor in his deep metallic voice.

“Sowy mista Killzaw I just wanted to see the outside world” said Curtis glumly.

“YEAH AND THAT’S WHAT THOSE BITCHES THOUGHT NOW LOOK WHERE THEY ARE. NOW COME HELP DECORATE THE CHRISTMAS TREE”

“We have a Christmas tree?” said Curtis excitedly.

“WELL IT’S ACTUALLY A CHRISTMAS SHRUB BUT IT’S GOOD ENOUGH KID”.

Curtis and Killzor strolled into the main hall where the rest of the children were happily decorating the shrubbery with grenades and uranium shells. Under the shrubbery was a small worn out box, a mere present for the entire orphanage of ten or so orphans. The children saw Killzor and rushed at him. They clambered all over him giving him hugs and grappling on his head. They giggled and ran around safe in the knowledge they were being looked after by what they saw as a giant foul mouthed toy. A loud knock at the door halted their fun.

“OK KIDS ENOUGH SHITS AND GIGGLES IM GONNA GET THE DOOR AND WHEN I COME BACK I HOPE TO SEE THE SHRUBBERY ALL TWINKLY AND CRAP LIKE THAT”

Killzor marched down a crummy hall way to the front door, which Killzor then wrenched from its hinges. He was greeted by several suit clad business men. One of them stood out in particular, he had slicked back black hair, deep dark shades, an immaculate suit and a rather sinister grin.

“Ah Mr….Killzor” said the dark figure looking at his data cube.

“WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO KNOW?”

“My name is Frost, Demetrius Frost. I’m a real restate agent from Diamond Real Estate” he said with a grin.

“OH RIGHT. WHAT ARE YA SELLING? COZ IF YA SELLIN’ CRAP I’LL GET THE STUN GUN”.

“Oh no Mr. Killzor it’s not like that. We are here to give you your eviction notice” said Frost with his grin still present.

“WHAT! YOU CAN’T EVICT US. WHERE WOULD THESE KIDS GO? THEIR POOR. WE’RE POOR! WE USE GRENADES AS CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!”

The orphanage shook as a grenade went off.

“YA SEE!”

“Look we could do with some labour in the Industrial Sector. So they will be fine toiling away in factories. Diamond has bought the property rights to this place and we’ll demolish it and build something worthwhile. Quite frankly this orphanage is a bit of a shit hole. This hallway doesn’t even have a roof”

“HEY THAT’S A GOOD THING IT MEANS IT’S NICE AND COOL IN HERE IN THE SUMMER…AND…WINTER. LOOK YOU FUCKER I’LL TAKE YOU AND YOUR GOONS ON. YOU’RE NOT TAKING THIS PLACE”

“This belongs to Diamond now. Unless you buy the property then it’s gone. But I digress unless you have one million credits to buy this property this place will be demolished in twenty days. Ironically just in time for Christmas day. Now enough with your futile threats we bid you good day” said Frost smiling.

Frost and his entourage soon left smug in the knowledge of owning new property. Killzor clenched his fists in rage. He didn’t have one million credits and he couldn’t go on a killing spree at the Diamond HQ due to the high security. Killzor retired to the main hall of the orphanage. The hall was silent. The children had over heard Killzor and Frost. Curtis approached Killzor, who was now lighting a cigar.

“Mista Killzaw is der gonna be no Chwistmus?” asked Curtis with big puppy dog eyes.

The rest of the children stared at Killzor with sad near tear expressions on their faces. Killzor looked around at the hall as he brandished his cigar. Part of him couldn’t really care but it was Christmas and his Santa program sub routine was active.

“LOOK KIDS WORKING IN A FACTORY ISN’T SO BAD. I MEAN YOU GET USED TO THE DEADLY CHEMICALS AND YOUR LIMBS GETTING TORN OFF” said Killzor trying to council the children.

But this wasn’t helping as some of the kids began to weep. Killzor sighed and then his Santa program kicked in even more. He waltzed over to his rusty locker in the corner of the hall. Ripped off the lock and open the locker. He then procured his rocket launcher and loaded several rockets into it.

“DON’T WORRY KIDS, SANTA IS COMING TO TOWN”

Asurmen Spec Op
04-12-05, 22:21
OH GOD YES!!!!!!*splurt*

Hell-demon
04-12-05, 22:22
I almost feel tempted to get the next bit out now...but meh


More to come folks. I will see this one to the end

Asurmen Spec Op
04-12-05, 22:25
:( see it to the end while I get to wait while windows installs :'(

Hell-demon
04-12-05, 22:26
I think I'll leave you in suspense

Asurmen Spec Op
04-12-05, 23:06
+
I think I'll leave you in suspense
and we all know that leaving asurmen in suspense is leaving him on the internet bored and lonly

Spermy
04-12-05, 23:44
I think I'll leave you in suspense

Where's that? and wheres the bus outta there? Oh jeez, i'm so outta my depth here...

<_<

>_>

>_<

vashtyphoon78
05-12-05, 04:22
give....me ....MOOOOORE!!!!!!!!

Rabiator
05-12-05, 22:47
COOL story...more plz :D

Asurmen Spec Op
05-12-05, 23:51
I think I'll leave you in suspense
Well, after sexual exaustion and a hand cramp

I think its been long enough

vashtyphoon78
07-12-05, 07:03
HULK.......NEEED MROE STORY BEFORE HE GETS SMASHED!!!! (mmmm cron55)

Cerbious
09-12-05, 20:49
enjoyable as usal hell deamon.. can we have the next installment now plz :D

it is christmas after all.

Asurmen Spec Op
10-12-05, 18:57
The suspense is killing mr winky!

To much porn need more hell demon!

Hell-demon
12-12-05, 19:39
next part coming soon

Heavyporker
13-12-05, 23:47
Hurry! I need more! I'm almost at climax!

Hell-demon
13-12-05, 23:48
I hate the fact my stories are almost orgasmic.


I get such pervy responses from people..... o_O


Its never nice story its always..."ooooohhh sex!"


freaks

Asurmen Spec Op
13-12-05, 23:53
I hate the fact my stories are almost orgasmic.


I get such pervy responses from people..... o_O


Its never nice story its always..."ooooohhh sex!"


freaks
SAYS THE MAN WHO GAVE ME A LAPDANCE!

Im sickened man.

Seriously though, "oooh sex"= "good story"
No one in this community will force you to make them, thats your own little thing, I dont think anyone really means their "HURRY HURRY" its just that your stoires make us laugh our asses off.

Your stories are great, because they are the funiest thing I have and will ever read.

Hell-demon
13-12-05, 23:54
posted a new jake hard enjoy

Asurmen Spec Op
14-12-05, 00:21
posted a new jake hard enjoy
thank you :)

Foo
14-12-05, 00:48
hahah nice stuff , this bit had me rofl


“WHAT! YOU CAN’T EVICT US. WHERE WOULD THESE KIDS GO? THEIR POOR. WE’RE POOR! WE USE GRENADES AS CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!”

The orphanage shook as a grenade went off.

“YA SEE!”



serious nice work , keep it up.

Hell-demon
16-12-05, 18:29
lots of work to do but ah fuck who cares :)

****************************

Plaza sector 1 was crammed with consumers and a heavy sheet of snow. The people of Neocron bustled about in search of gifts and merriment. They shopped at Crytons, Archer and Wessen and any other place in the hope of finding presents for loved ones. But people were reluctant to enter the Medicare with its new Santa’s grotto. A child ran out screaming…


A single mother and her child entered the poorly decorated grotto adorned with spark plugs and faulty wiring, though it did have fairy lights. Sat in a rather large wooden chair, straining under his weight was a large metallic Santa.

“HO HO AND WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE LITLE BOY?” bellowed Killzor.

“Hey your not Santa!” yelled the child.

“NO SHIT EINSTEIN”

“Don’t you dare speak to my son like that!” boomed the mother.

“YEAH WELL DON’T YOU DARE SHIT OUT ANY MORE ANNOYING LITTLE BRATS”

The mother went red with rage and stormed out with her son in toe.

“MERRY CHRISTMAS” yelled Killzor smirking with glee.

“Killzor!” shrieked the Medicare manager.

Killzor looked around, then looked up and finally looked down to see a small balding snivelling man in a stained white shirt with small tacky pens in his pocket. It was Mr. Delsy the Medicare manager and to put it bluntly he was rather annoyed. Delsy wiped his nose before any snot inhabited his bristly moustache.

“Killzor I’m getting a crap load of complaints about you and your act. We agreed you do the Santa thing, get customers, you recommend Medicare products and you get a paycheck for your worthless metal ass! Now I don’t wanna hear any more “Your Santa insulted my weight”, “Your Santa stole my wallet”, “Your Santa sold cigars to my kid”, “Your Santa threatened to stick a candy cane up my ass” or any shit like that! Do you understand!!!” yelled Desly in his puny and irritating voice.

“YES SIR” sighed Killzor.

Desly sternly walked out the grotto adjacent to the Medicare. A small queue of people was now waiting outside the grotto. Killzor reclined in his chair, which let out a creek. A family of three entered the grotto. Two rather extravagantly dressed parents with exquisite jewellery and a rather spoiled little girl whom in the eyes of her parents was a little princess.

“Oh how quaint darling” said the mother rather snobbishly.

“This is a shit hole!” cried the daughter.

“Now Isabel don’t use such coarse language like that. Why don’t you tell good old Saint Nick what you want for Christmas dear” said the father now retrieving a cigar from his lavish jacket.

Isabel approached the Santa with a frown on her face. She really wasn’t enjoying this. Killzor grinned trying to hold back the urge to go postal on the family.

“ISABEL IS IT? WELL WHAT CAN SANTA GET YOU FOR CHRISTMAS ISABEL?”

“Ha! Don’t make me laugh. Mummy and Daddy will get my presents not some robot in cheap clothing. I guess I’ll see you next year recycled as a Christmas ornament” said Isabel snootily.

Killzor clenched his fist. He could test out the firing mechanism on his rocket launcher stashed in his sack of toys but thinking about the orphanage and his temp job he rejected the idea.

“And by the way you smell!” snorted Isabel.

“ER….HO HO THAT SURE IS FUNNY!” said Killzor with a false grin trying to hold back the rage. Killzor was almost trembling with a surge of power and anger.

“You know what else is funny your personality. Ha! Now that’s a joke. I wouldn’t be surprised if you worked as a trash collector for Daddies business” retorted Isabel.

Killzor leaned forward. He looked at Isabel sedated almost as if he was holding back something.

“YEAH WELL I’M SURPRISED YOUR PARENTS DIDN’T ABORT A LITTLE FUCKER LIKE YOU WHEN THEY HAD THE CHANCE” said Killzor calmly.

Isabel stood completely still. Her parent’s jaws dropped and their eyes bugged out. And Killzor just smirked. Killzor stood up, grabbed his sack of toys and prised the cigar from the father’s hand and began to smoke it.

“Where’s the manager!?” shrieked Isabel.

Desly ran into the grotto out of breath and breathing hard. Killzor walked out the grotto.

“I want that robot melted down and made into a hover cab!” cried out Isabel.

“Killzor! Do you have anything to say for yourself!” yelled Desly, his head sticking out the grotto.

Killzor stopped walking. He turned around. He smiled.

“YES I DO. FIRE IN THE HOLE”

“Wha…”

Killzor dropped his sack and withdrew his rocket launcher and fired a rocket. Desly and the pompous family dived out the grotto screaming as a rocket soared through the air and into the grotto. The explosion from the rocket ripped the pathetic grotto to shreds. The crowd of eager customers ran away in horror.

“MERRY CHRISTMAS” murmured Killzor.

Killzor trudged through the Plaza sector and made his way to Pepper Park. As Killzor walked through the Pepper Park an armour-clad figure came from out the shadows. It pounced at Killzor. Killzor noticing this pulled out his rocket launcher and pointed it at the assailant. Killzor suddenly stopped mid fight.

“REVAN!” exclaimed Killzor.

The armour-clad figure was indeed Revan looking like his usual rough self.

“Sorry if I startled you Killzor. Haven’t seen you in age’s man! What’s with the Santa outfit?”

“IT’S A LONG STORY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

“I’m practicing my skills man”

“WHAT YOUR SKILLS AT BEING AN ASS HOLE?”

“No man. I’m practicing for the big Neofrag tournament. They’re doing team death matches this Christmas with prize money of one million credits. Just gotta get myself in a team and make my Christmas a merry one” said Revan excitedly.

“WOW I COULD BUY A LOT OF HOOKERS WITH THAT MONEY….”

“Yeah you could”

“HEEEEEEEEEEYYYYY WHAT AM I SAYING! THE ORPHANAGE!”

“I don’t think you’ll find hookers there. I hope not anyway”

“REVAN WE’RE GONNA ENTER THAT TOURNAMENT AND I’M GONNA SAVE MY ORPHANAGE. MAKE SOME CALLS WE GOTTA GET A TEAM TOGETEHR AND GET TRAINING”

“Hey sounds good” said Revan smiling.

“GET IN CONTACT WITH KIRJA ILJUSHA”

“Why her?”

“SHE OWES ME A FAVOUR”

Foo
16-12-05, 19:41
Excelent :) , keep it up Hell , and give us part3 already ^^^^!!!!

Asurmen Spec Op
17-12-05, 02:05
Thank you revan