PDA

View Full Version : Jake Hard: Harder than Hard



Hell-demon
30-05-05, 12:30
So anyway Im at a party on Saturday and enjoying good company. I meet this girl and we chat and next thing I'm know Im sharing a couch with her making out passionatly and enjoying a good pair of breasts. As soon as that nipple touched my mouth I was born again! And so I feel more energized and revitalized to write another Jake Hard story. So I hope you enjoy :)

****************************

Flashes of lightning illuminated the dark apartment held high in the plaza apartment blocks. A figure stood still looking out of the apartment window onto the streets of the plaza. His stern face appearing amongst the darkness for a short second with each flash of lightning. He adjusted his dark shades and straightened his suit. The suited man went by the name of Mr. Jones. An enigma of a man and a parasite on society. He was like the pubic hair found stuck on a toilet seat just before you’re about to use it. Mr. Jones was not alone. His right hand man Andrew Twink was in the room. Andrew approached Mr. Jones and stood next to him. He was admiring the same view Mr. Jones was.

“Mr. Jones sir everything is going to plan. The coding process is a bit time consuming but we shall have the project complete by the end of the month” said Andrew.

“Excellent soon Neocron’s fate will be sealed and I will have absolute power” said Mr. Jones with an evil grin.

“You mean WE will have absolute power don’t you?” said Andrew rather annoyed.

“Yes of course. When the time is right we shall strike a heavy blow to Neocron.”

“Brilliant sir simply brilliant”

“Oh and Andrew”

“Yes sir?”

“Can you get your hand off my crotch”

Smoke drifted up to skies from the remains of a demolished bunker. A warbot towered over it laughing manically and wielding its rocket launcher. But from the rubble of the bunker a power armour clad soldier hauled himself up and whipped out his plasma cannon. In just a heartbeat a burst of plasma fire ripped the warbot the pieces. The soldier breathed deep and looked into the distance.

“Hi! Theres nothing more refreshing than killing warbots than drinking WARBOT COLA! It gives me the energy to practically molest the things” The soldier stuck a can of warbot cola in view. With the following warning message spoken at high speed:

WARNING: Warbot Cola may cause bowel cancer, heart dieses, inflaming of membranes, internal bleeding, infertility, hair loss, bright green urine, anti-social behaviour, terrorism and the death of small puppies.

The screen went blank as Jake Hard turned off his computer terminal. He slumped himself down in his worn down leather chair. He stared at his ceiling and watched a bit of plaster fall onto the floor. Number 52 he mentally counted. He wondered if another piece would fall off bringing his count to 53. Then he realised that he had far too much time on his hands. Jake was bored. And horny. He was lucky if a woman sneezed on him let alone go to bed with him. He took a big sigh and twiddled his thumbs. Then there came a knock at the door.

Jake sprang into action, unfastening the locks on the door and opening it. He was a bit stunned to be greeted by a copbot. Jake was nervous. Maybe this was about downloading drom porn or kidnapping mutants and racing them in secret in the sewers. Jake tried to play it cool. The copbot cleared its metallic throat.

“MR. HARD I HAVE SOME SAD NEWS. YOUR FATHER HAS PASSED AWAY IN RATHER TRAGIC CIRCUMSTANCES” said the copbot rather formally.

So this wasn’t about drom porn. Jake was relieved but at the same time quite down hearted at the death of his father. Sure his father was an idiot and an eccentric one at that who proclaimed he invented communism and that president Reza was actually a gold fish with a toupee but he cared about him.

“How did he die?” asked Jake rather glum.

“WELL FROM WHAT WE FOUND HE WAS ENJOYING A PICNIC BY HIMSELF IN THE WASTELANDS AND ER… A GRIM CHASER SAT ON HIM. A COUPLE OF MERCS TOOK OUT THE CREATURE BUT WHEN THEY ER REMOVED YOUR FATHER FROM THE SCENE HE WAS DEAD. AND BY THE LOOKS OF HIS FACE SUFFERED IMMENSE TERROR” said the copbot rubbing the back of his neck quite embarrassed.

“Shit what a way to go” said Jake with his eyes bulging from shock.

Later that day the funeral for jakes father took place. Jake put a cotton black sock down his trousers just for the occasion. It was a sad ordeal for Jake despite there being a big buffet afterwards. As he watched his fathers remains being buried into the cracked earth of the wastelands a hand touched his soldier. Jake turned round and saw a hooded elderly man with a grey wispy beard and a face tattoo.

“Jake its good to see you. I’m sorry about your father’s death. He was an idiot but a good man. Allow me to introduce myself my name is Arona Bedaal”

“Hi you here for the buffet or are you generally concerned about my dad?” said Jake rather pessimistically.

“Yes I am. Tell me what do you know about your mother?” asked Arona

“Oh I never really knew her. Dad said she was the bearded lady at the Neocron circus”

“Huh your father was a fool”

“The correct term is intellectual inadequate” politically corrected Jake.

“I knew your mother. She was a psi priestess and you have a the power of the psi within you”

“Is this the part where you sell me psi modules or x-ray specs”

“Come with boy” said Arona.

Arona took Jake to Tech Haven and went to the local bar there. They both sat by the bar and Jake drowned his sorrows in a glass of whiskey.

“You have the potential to become a powerful psi monk Jake. I myself am one” said Arona grinning.

“Is that so? prove it” said Jake sternly.

“Ha I can read minds. In fact I know you downloaded drom porn”

“Shit!”

“And yes I know what you got up to with your cousin.

“Oh crap”

“And yes that mole on the back of your neck is cancerous”

“Wow your good okay I’m interested” said Jake rather impressed.

“Excellent and no that is not a colostomy bag in my pocket”

“Okay just get the hell out of my mind” said Jake rather freaked out.

Arona got off his bar stool and straightened his cloak.

“We must move at once Jake time is of the essence”

“Okay lets go then”

“And get that sock out of your trousers”

“STOP IT!”

Bugs Gunny
30-05-05, 13:08
Bloody marvelous!

You should be hired to write some npc scripts for the PP sectors :-)

Hellmag
30-05-05, 15:30
You are my hero!

At last we get to know more of the adventures of Jake Hard.

Keep up the really good work!

Tratos
30-05-05, 15:45
heheh, Bravo! cant wait for the next bit!

Hell-demon
30-05-05, 16:10
Still working on material for next installment. Glad you like it so far :)

Xephonas
30-05-05, 18:07
lol that's so good.

Hmmm, maybe if KK made a bar where people could do stand up, i reccomend hell-demon :D

Heavyporker
30-05-05, 18:45
YAAAAAY!!!!!!

I am overjoyed at the return of Jake Hard. I shall prepare renumeration!

Tidus_Origin
30-05-05, 19:18
That mind-reading bit was hilarious. :lol:

Good to know that the most hilarious NC story series is back :)


Keep up the really good work!

Hm..I was gonna say that. Ah well.

Hell-demon
30-05-05, 21:37
Heres the next installment folks. All ingame donations go to revan who currently is studying the fine arts of melee combat. Hint hint....
Anyway hope you enjoy this next part and all feed back is appreciated.

*******************

The sun glistened through the windows of an immaculately clean apartment. The light brought in a majestic and happy glow, the potted plants gleamed in the light, it shone on a photo of a happy couple and even made the remains of a greasy barbequed rotting rat burger in the kitchen look good. The apartment was beautifully furnished with fine leather couches and other expensive ornaments. It was like something out of a fairy tale or some sort of furniture catalogue. On one of the couches sat a happy and loving couple who were holding hands and enjoying each other’s company. The man kissed the woman and all was well. The woman turned to the man and spoke softly:

“Oh darling I’m so bored”

“I as well my dear what ever shall we do” replied the man in a soothing well-mannered voice.

“We could go furniture shopping” suggested the woman.

“No we’ve done too much of that. I know sweetie lets kill people!”

“Oh yes darling what a splendid idea!”

“Come on get your coat and lets murder someone and innocent bystanders too!”

“I’ll bring plenty of ammo! Who the fuck cares if it’s illegal!”

WANNA KILL PEOPLE? WANNA DO IT LEGALLY? THEN COME TO NEOFRAG AND UNLOAD YOUR GUN AND YOUR ANGER! NEOFRAG FOR ALL YOU MURDERING PERVERTS OUT THERE!

The advertisement ended when Mr. Jones switched the large computer terminal off. He examined his holo discs with important data. He looked back at the terminal still thinking about the absurdity of the advert.

“Maybe I should destroy this decrepit hell hole” Mr. Jones murmured to himself.

“Aaawww didums what is it this time?” said Andrew coming into the darkened room carrying a tray of milk and cookies.

“Its nothing. And don’t call me didums!” said Mr. Jones

“Oh I’m sorry snuckums”

“Don’t call me that either!”

“Your not erm…ashamed about…us are you?” questioned Andrew.

“What er no…its just…er we don’t want it to effect the project”

“Well don’t worry we got top notch scientists from the Dome of York helping with the coding. Only a matter of time till everything is operational”

“Excellent. Now stop fondling my belt and get out and do something constructive!” yelled Mr. Jones

“Oh I hate it when you’re like this. Ok hun.” sulked Andrew.

“But er…leave the cookies and milk here”

On top of a large mountain in the mountainous region of the wastelands was a large building like some sort manner house. It was not marked on any maps and only few how to get there. Arona was one such person and he blind folded Jake and took him to this place. I’ll tell you something for nothing it was a long walk and taking a toilet break blindfolded is not easy.

The manor house was dark and foreboding and the interior was likewise. Jake’s blindfold was taken off and he found himself in what transpired to be some sort of sparring room. He was not alone, several psi monks were there practicing their fine skills. There were two monks deflecting bullets from an automatic turret, a young psi priestess melting a captured warbot with her mind and a small bald child bending spoons.

“Welcome to your new home Jake. These are other hopefuls who will excel their psionic limits” said Arona showing Jake around.

They both approached a young beautiful priestess who was practicing her skills. She was magnificent. Light golden hair, lushus red lips, entrancing eyes, firm hot breasts and basically a body that could make the psi monks give up celibacy and probably make a meaningful relationship with their hand if you catch my drift.

“Jake I want you to meet my daughter Serina” said Arona pointing at his beautiful daughter.

“Nice to meet you Serina” said Jake shaking her hand.

“Nice to meet you too and yes they are real” said Serina smiling.

“ Yep I can see the relation” said Jake rather coldly.

After much introducing with other monks and after a rather bizarre conversation with the bald headed boy Jake was to start training immediately. Jake was excited for once he become much more than a perverted detective. He was going to be a perverted detective with psi powers!

The sparring room was empty except for Arona meditating thinking about his pupils in his fine school and if atoms had whole galaxies inside them. But on Jakes mind was sex sex sex and training…then more thinking about sex. Jake was dressed in exquisite psi monk robes and strange pants specifically designed to hinder the act of stuffing socks down them. Jake approached Arona.

“Oh master Badaal I am ready to train”

Arona opened one eye then the other whilst raising an eyebrow at Jake.

“Huh? What you talking about” asked Arona grumpily.

“My training. You know become a psi monk read minds and do psi stuff. Hey can psi monks fly as well I always wondered if they could?”

“Depends how high you can throw them…erm training…er..”

Arona thought hard and wanted to sound wise and all knowing. He wanted to say “I can’t be bothered to train you yet” but not in so many words.

“You see my child the road to psionic grace is long and tasking but worthwhile. You must have a clear mind. But before you do you must clear your surroundings” said Arona pompously.

“What does that mean oh wise Arona?”

“It means grab a mop and clean the up the mess the over flowing clogged up toilet is making”

“What?”

“Oh and the plunger is broken might wanna remove the sucker by hand….”

Tratos
31-05-05, 13:32
heheh, im really liking the new bizarre adverts, lol

Xephonas
31-05-05, 13:49
lol, great sory yet agian.

Always good to not scrol all the way down to story, do a paragraph by paragraph cause these stories got really witty endings

Hell-demon
31-05-05, 14:43
Next installment! Here we go!

***********************

Dust drifted about the empty dank streets of Pepper Park. It was a lonely place and no real signs of life were present. All except one homeless man hunched in the corner of an alleyway. He was jittery and wearing rags and his beard was crusty from his last meal of prune juice. He murmured to himself and fondled the pocket of his jacket. And from it withdrew a fluffy drom plush toy. He stroked it and cuddled it in a deranged state. The drom teddy spoke to him….

“AlFrEd YoU mUst MurDeR the WiKID SiNful PeoPle of Neocron”

“What? I can’t do that! No Mr. Bingles I cant I wont!” shouted Alfred.

“yOu mUSt cleAnsE tHe strEEtS with bLoOd! BENd ThE PeOple’s wIll lIKe yOu beND a baNaNa frUItcAke! SmiFFeS to the pEopLe of NeOcRon!” yelped the drom teddy with its puny voice.

“Smiffles indeed Mr. Bingles. But what of the cherished moon beings who will microwave my brain and feed it to the hippo whore of Babylon” questioned Alfred his eyes widening.

“A riSk yOu MuSt tAke reMeMbeR the wAyS of the fAnglE dOOs. MAy my wilL bE yoUr guIdE. Go foRtH and kiLL the cHildRen of NeOcron wiTh thEIr siNfuL waYs aNd siNFul toIleT hAbiTs!”

“Yes I see you are right. We must stab and stab! Gouge their eyes and eat their spleens!”

PROTOPHARMA DEVELOPING DRUGS TO STOP VOICES IN YOUR HEAD! ALSO AVAILABLE ARE THE NEW PROZACS THAT TASTE LIKE WATERMELON!

The advert came to a sudden halt and static wretched it apart. Soon all city com terminals in Neocron were crashing and malfunctioning. All propaganda was diminished in a few short seconds. This was a virus like no other. It reprogrammed hover cabs and instead of taking one family to Neocron Zoo took them to the Pussy Club making their children need years of therapy. The virus coerced its way to City Admin data banks rewriting files and cracking into president Reza’s large porn collection. Worst still it travelled across hack net and breached the Military Base security systems and unloaded unwanted data.

All the while Mr. Jones watched with a grin on his face. Everything was going to plan. His own personal army of hired thugs were with him as they watched city terminals turn to garbage and hover cabs fly into buildings all from the safe spot of Mr. Jones’ apartment.

“Gentlemen the time has come to take control of Neocron. Dome of York has been informed and their elite military forces are making their way here to conquer Neocron. The virus is also taking control of the Military Base it wont be long till their missiles belong to us!” said Mr. Jones enjoying his handy work.

“Oh I hope you boys like milk and cookies I brought enough for everyone! This terrorism is tiring work isn’t it?” said Andrew carrying a large plate of milk and cookies into the room and distributing them amongst the hardened thugs.

“Andrew stop it your embarrassing me amongst my hired goons” whimpered Mr. Jones.

Meanwhile at the Military Base command centre the Mercs were frantically trying to stop the coffee vending machine from taking over the facility. Already it had turned a Merc into a frappuccino without provocation and a squad of Mercs had barricaded themselves in the command centre watching their computer terminals churning out internet spam. In the squad was Commander Ventrue an insane military commander, the fruity copbot Krysm and a puny vending machine repairman.

“All right guys I don’t know how long we can hold out against that thing. But if it gets in it won’t last long. I’ve strapped a twelve-megaton explosive device onto my backpack. Soon as that thing tries to distribute a beverage Ill nuke it!” said Commander Ventrue nursing his coffee burns.

The big sealed doors of the command centre started to bang as the vending machine rammed into them. Each bang made the repairman shake and soil his underwear.

“I hope you got that detonator ready sir?” yelled the repairman.

“Huh? Detonator?” said Commander Ventrue puzzled.

“You know thing that sets off the bomb!”

“You need one of those for this thing?”

“Yes!”

“Oh shit….I didn’t think I needed one. I wish I hadn’t traded one in for a pack of playing cards now”

The doors banged louder and louder. Krysm was typing extremely fast at the computer terminals trying to figure out the spam and control the spread of the virus. The firewalls were down and the pop up blocker disabled.

“Well sir I’ve come to conclusion that we got a virus” said Krysm nodding his head at the screen.

“No shit Einstein. What’s with all the spam? What does this virus want?” said Commander Ventrue hauling himself over to the terminal.

“Well sir its asking us if we want to enlarge our penis”

Heavyporker
31-05-05, 16:24
HA HA HA!!!

I wonder if Krysm's gonna get mad... :p

Xephonas
31-05-05, 16:38
lol funny, but it's extremely off the plot from your last installment, we went from Jake wanting sex, sex,sex and psi training and more sex to a mad loony homeless d00d to a weird talking donkey called a drom to a virus that's going to take over the world?

hmm :P

Hell-demon
31-05-05, 16:43
All will be revealed :rolleyes:

Heavyporker
31-05-05, 16:50
*mysterious voice*

"Oooh Woooo Woooooo Woooo"

Hell-demon
31-05-05, 18:40
Dont know when the next update will be. Party on tomorrow night by the same guy as last time :D Wonder if I'll meet good ol' sweet tits again...*slaps himself* Anyway who knows when the next installment will be :angel:

Mechanicus
31-05-05, 18:45
congrats on seeing your first pair btw :)

Hell-demon
31-05-05, 18:48
O_o

how dare you......


wasn't my first certainly wont be my last :rolleyes:

Xephonas
31-05-05, 19:45
Dont know when the next update will be. Party on tomorrow night by the same guy as last time :D Wonder if I'll meet good ol' sweet tits again...*slaps himself* Anyway who knows when the next installment will be :angel:

rofl, yes, i like where you get your inspiration from hell-demon :D

Hell-demon
03-06-05, 01:15
Hungover gonna detox and shit...update...er soon :(

Tratos
05-06-05, 16:01
thats one long de-tox :p

Hell-demon
05-06-05, 23:38
I'm also doing my GCSE's so revision is a priority too :rolleyes:

Update soon I promise....just need...sleep...precious...sleep :o

Tratos
11-06-05, 02:30
I'm also doing my GCSE's so revision is a priority too :rolleyes:

Update soon I promise....just need...sleep...precious...sleep :o
Understandable, just finished my AS levels today...well yesterday, its a load off, good luck btw, looking forward to the next installment.

Opar
11-06-05, 10:15
Heh, amusing :p

As for your GCSEs, ignore them, I know I will next year!

Spermy
18-07-05, 22:35
Rawr - So... THAT'S where he gets all his inspiration from then!

Heh, party animal :p Good man! Although starting a tad young ey? :D

Rock on my friend :p

Hell-demon
19-07-05, 12:35
Next part coming up

Hell-demon
19-07-05, 13:49
Sorry about the loooong delay. I've been partying and one of the mods banned me so it was impossible to post anything. Ive got other stories in the works so dont worry :D
I dont have Word on the computer I'm using so please forgive any grammatical and spelling errors 8|

So after long wait the next installment...
**********************************

High in the mountains amongst the howling winds was the secret psi training facility. It was a huge building and perched on its landing bay was a hover carrier poised for action. In the main hall of the facility the pupils gathered to discuss the strage goings on in Neocron and their own school. The psi monks were worried and paranoid of the electronics breaching the hall. Already a refridgerator had claimed the life of a psi monk and turned him into a meat popsicle. The psi monks muttered to themselves and staying clear of anything electrical. A faint buzzing could be heard.

"Oh shit! The vibrator is here!" shouted a psi monk.

The psi monks ran around the hall screaming in fright as a vibrator leapt from the shadows and attacked an unsuspecting psi monk. Arona soon blasted the little sucker with a psi blast. The psi monks calmed down and composed themselves. The psi monks took their seats near a an emaculate table. At the head of the table was Arona rather worried and fiddling with his cloak.

"As we all know this virus is unrelenting in its attack. Even know Neocron is defenceless and intelligence reports that a large army of Dome troopers will arrive at Neocron's gates. We know that the virus is being transmitted from inside Neocron and that is where your training comes in. We need a small group to take the hover carrier and infiltrate Neocron. Find the virus beacon and stop it. Who wants to go?" said Arona looking at his pupils.

Everyone at the table looked at the molested corpse of the vibrator victim and shuddered. Not surprising no one volunteered.

"Okay okay. What about you Bill?" asked Arona.

Bill looked around nervously.

"What! Me! I cant! I have a wife and three kids!" he shouted nervously.

"No you dont"

"Okay I have a mail order wife and the kids aren't mine"

"I'll go" said Serina raising her hand.

Sitting at the table was one Jake Hard who was wondering where the hell the vibrator came from. But he was also thinking that maybe just maybe if he went on the mision Serina might think he was manly. Really manly. The kind with huge biceps. And a nice perly white smile. And oiled nipples. Jake soon realised he was thinking of men when when he was supposed to be thinking of her. He slapped himself. He fell out of his chair.

"Jake will you go to Neocron?" said Arona pointing at Jake who was stumbling back on to his feet.

Everyone starred at Jake.

"Yeah sure. Sorry I wasn't paying attention I was thinking of oily men.....oh shit...."

Meanwhile at the Military Base Commander Ventrue, Krysm and a repairman by the name of Gil were in the command centre that was blocked off to a rather irrate coffee vending machine. Krysm was watching the system slowly being taken over by the virus. Ventrue looked down the barrel of his rifle with the safety off to see if it was working okay. And the repairman sobbed like a little girl in the corner of the room. The vending machine was pounding at the barracaded door some more.

"Who wants to play a game of cards?" said Ventrue with a big grin.

Gil stood up and walked out of his corner to Commander Ventrue.

"A virus is spreading through the system. A vending machine is trying to kill us. We are low on ammo. And YOU wanna play cards!" said Gil angrily.

"Well yeah. There nude cards if it helps"

"Unbelievable! Who put you in charge?!"

"A drunk now let me shuffle-"

Before Ventrue could shuffle his cards the vending machine smashed through the door. Gil quivered in fright and grabbed his trusty baseball bat. Krysm stopped typing at the computer terminals.

"You aint taking me alive you coffee making bastard!" yelled Gil charging at the machine with his baseball bat.

The vending machine quickly squirted a huge stream of flesh burning hot coffee at Gil. Gil screamed out in pain, his flesh dripping from the bone. He slunk to the floor burnt and dead. The vending machine lurched towards Commander Ventrue and readied its next brew.

"Sooooo....do you wanna play a game of cards?"

Hell-demon
20-07-05, 15:00
Next bit coming soon

Tratos
20-07-05, 15:12
lol nice although laughing just made my arm hurt more, you bastard, looking forward to the next laugh packed arm hurting part, lol

Hell-demon
20-07-05, 15:14
Ha ha!

Asurmen Spec Op
24-07-05, 03:49
I want to Have your babies lol

"I was thinking about oily men..oh shit"

My god man.
You are so fucking sick I LOVE YOU!

Hell-demon
20-08-05, 23:35
Im back from being in Wales for 3 and a half weeks and spending some of that time with my head between the legs of a very nice welsh girl.

Anyway I'll be back to my usual postings :lol:

Asurmen Spec Op
20-08-05, 23:38
Im back from being in Wales for 3 and a half weeks and spending some of that time with my head between the legs of a very nice welsh girl.

Anyway I'll be back to my usual postings :lol:
YAY! MY HERO IS BACK! WOOOOOOOOOOO

ZoVoS
21-08-05, 03:59
Im back from being in Wales for 3 and a half weeks and spending some of that time with my head between the legs of a very nice welsh girl.

Anyway I'll be back to my usual postings :lol:

oh god the poor welsh girls *goes checks his harime* ahh good good u never got one of mine ;)

where in wales u been?

Torg
21-08-05, 09:31
please accept my brief expression of respect, sir. the truth must be told, no matter what rezas's tv-terror-ads want to make us believe. looking forward to coming relevations.

Asurmen Spec Op
21-08-05, 10:06
omg can I be in it plz <3

Tidus_Origin
21-08-05, 12:08
'Already a refridgerator had claimed the life of a psi monk and turned him into a meat popsicle'

That reminded me of the Fifth Element

"Sir, are you classified as human?"
"Uhh, negative. I am a meat popsicle."


"What! Me! I cant! I have a wife and three kids!" he shouted nervously.

"No you dont!"

"Okay I have a mail order wife and the kids aren't mine!"


Hilarious as ever. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hell-demon
21-08-05, 13:55
I aim to please :)

Hell-demon
16-09-05, 23:33
I've been busy starting college and feeling rather crap. But i will post a new installment soon I promise :D

Asurmen Spec Op
17-09-05, 07:45
Hero!

Hell-demon
17-09-05, 11:14
I'll start typing today :)

Hell-demon
18-09-05, 12:47
Work continues but at a slow pace. I'm not feeling to good. Head aches, exhaustion and glands the size of grapes :(


Dammit I knew I shouldn't have kissed that skank with the nipple longer than the other. And then spend 3 weeks previous to that snogging everyday with a welsh girl 8|


now I suffer for my hornyness :rolleyes:


I just hope I get better in at least a week to see my girlfriend :eek:

Hell-demon
15-10-05, 20:25
Writing commensing this week end. i can also assure you a christmas special is in the works :rolleyes: