Glok
14-05-05, 01:33
The last few days have been odd.
The primary thing in my thoughts has been my earliest memory, from when I was 2 1/2. But I don't just remember the image, I remember what I was thinking and the connections to all the influencing factors, including future times in my life, like right now.
The memory is of me standing at the gate to the basement stairs and watching my father stomp around in a foot of sewage and water, swearing his fool head off. Guess what my 2 1/2 year old mind was doing? I was thinking, 'you deserve this you bastard. I hope you sink into the sewage and dissappear.' I am absolutely serious, that was the thoughts of a 2 year old, me.
But then I thought further on this and I realized I could see strands of causality flowing from that earliest memory to other times in my life, including the exact instant that I realized that I was seeing this. And I thought about the way I have grown up, the things I have done, things I have thought. And now, 31 years later, I realize why my very young mind thought those things.
My earliest memories, what I thought, what I did, are presenting themselves to me these last few days as clues, clues to why I have only this one life, and why I must remain here. I did already know my life was a circle, but I was not sure whether to believe. Now it is in front of my eyes in the forefront in the light, and it is so clear. I believe.
You are talking to my only incarnation.
The primary thing in my thoughts has been my earliest memory, from when I was 2 1/2. But I don't just remember the image, I remember what I was thinking and the connections to all the influencing factors, including future times in my life, like right now.
The memory is of me standing at the gate to the basement stairs and watching my father stomp around in a foot of sewage and water, swearing his fool head off. Guess what my 2 1/2 year old mind was doing? I was thinking, 'you deserve this you bastard. I hope you sink into the sewage and dissappear.' I am absolutely serious, that was the thoughts of a 2 year old, me.
But then I thought further on this and I realized I could see strands of causality flowing from that earliest memory to other times in my life, including the exact instant that I realized that I was seeing this. And I thought about the way I have grown up, the things I have done, things I have thought. And now, 31 years later, I realize why my very young mind thought those things.
My earliest memories, what I thought, what I did, are presenting themselves to me these last few days as clues, clues to why I have only this one life, and why I must remain here. I did already know my life was a circle, but I was not sure whether to believe. Now it is in front of my eyes in the forefront in the light, and it is so clear. I believe.
You are talking to my only incarnation.