View Full Version : Toilet-Dilemma
You work in a busy office and just had the biggest turd in the world's history. Realising that there is no toilet paper available you start panicking. You quickly think to nip to the next cubicle when there are no people around, but they constantly walk in and out.
The time is passing and your colleagues are becoming suspiciously curious about your wereabouts. You only have one banknote in your pocket and a few coins. What do you do?
Note: The most creative answer will get free REPAIRING at Terra for life ;)
sanityislost
17-01-05, 14:36
bribe one of the neds hanging about (they are fucking everywhere i tell you)
with a bottle of cheap cider for some bog roll. When your done with the poo fest
pwn the ned with the nearest point object :D
SiL ..:..
Dribble Joy
17-01-05, 14:44
I'd swallow my pride and simply ask one of the people to pass me a roll from one of the other cubicles.
Of course, one should allways check the availiability of bog roll before letting rip.
Jesterthegreat
17-01-05, 14:45
I'd swallow my pride and simply ask one of the people to pass me a roll from one of the other cubicles.
Of course, one should allways check the availiability of bog roll before letting rip.
agreed and agreed
THE_TICK!!!!
17-01-05, 14:52
bleh i just would walk out with my drawers round my ankles and lift some from the next stall..regardless if someone is in there :D just shuffle over there. orrr ill just pound on the next stall and ask em to throw me some TP.. :eek:
Options.
The Krusty Crab
Pull your pants up and crab crawl to the next cubical.
Oderous Rex
Let yourself believe it was clean and pull your pants up and get to your bizzness. (i am told dangleberries are very painfull to *cough* remove)
Rich dude
Use the bank note.
The Scotsman
Walk out with pride and give everyone a full view of your assandwang straight into the next cubical and wipe it down (not recommended)
the commando
Use your underwear, then stash it in the top of the toilet.
Ninja
Crawl between the cubicals, getting piss, spit etc all over you.
You work in a busy office and just had the biggest turd in the world's history. Realising that there is no toilet paper available you start panicking. You quickly think to nip to the next cubicle when there are no people around, but they constantly walk in and out.
The time is passing and your colleagues are becoming suspiciously curious about your wereabouts. You only have one banknote in your pocket and a few coins. What do you do?
Note: The best answer will get free REPAIRING at Terra for life ;)
I'm guessing that you either have a laptop and do your shitting with a computer
in your knee, and that you are still sitting in that poor cubicle, or you somehow
got out of there.
So how did you get out? You just didnt bother wiping at all or what?
Myself, i would do something like the tick said.
Hmmm....
Whats about the toilet-brush? only recomendet 4 ppl with unusually sexual preferences and an Ashole of steel :lol:
Swallow the pride, step outta the cubicle, shout out loud, while raising your hand in the air as if to begin wiping,
"By christ my arse is shitty!"
Marvel as they look away in abject disgust, wander to next cubicle, wipe away :p
Face it, there's no way you are getting out of there, dignity intact.
I'm guessing that you either have a laptop and do your shitting with a computer
in your knee, and that you are still sitting in that poor cubicle, or you somehow
got out of there.
So how did you get out? You just didnt bother wiping at all or what?
Myself, i would do something like the tick said.
Retron, I read my post over and over again, and till this moment I fail to recognise where exactly did I state that the person in question was actually me :eek:
PS It was .....a friend, a cousin, whatever; it doesn't matter ;)
PS It was .....a friend, a cousin, whatever; it doesn't matter ;)Your cousin, aaahh, I see ;)
Had your "cousin" no Handy? I would write quick an sms and ask a friend to bring that shit to an end, or just ask anyone outside, have some situations like that, in Clubs for example, but in Clubs is not the prob to "ask", ists a prob that all the stoned, drunked ( and all between that) ppl don't understand what u want @ 6 o'clock in the morning:D
hopefully in this busy office you wear a tie.
1 - simply remove your tie.
2 - Carefully pull out the lining without damaging your tie.
3 - replace tie and use lining to wipe yer arse to remove those unwanted hair grabbers.
4 - Pull up yer trousers and walk out dignity in hand.
5 - No one will be none the wiser :D
P.S. the lining should be of a suitable nature as not to block your preferred use of waste removal.
Original monk
17-01-05, 15:33
to poo or not to poo thats the question
ok checklist:
-hands
-tshirt
-trousers
-socks/other underwear
present
-> yust ask one of youre colleagues to slip a roll under the door :P it wont hurt ya you know and still be the most comfortable hygienic option :)
Options.
The Krusty Crab
Pull your pants up and crab crawl to the next cubical.
Oderous Rex
Let yourself believe it was clean and pull your pants up and get to your bizzness. (i am told dangleberries are very painfull to *cough* remove)
Rich dude
Use the bank note.
The Scotsman
Walk out with pride and give everyone a full view of your assandwang straight into the next cubical and wipe it down (not recommended)
the commando
Use your underwear, then stash it in the top of the toilet.
Ninja
Crawl between the cubicals, getting piss, spit etc all over you.
Those are great lol (and you didn't like Ode Tae a Jobbie...meanie) You forgot the henpecked method, ring your girlfriend (or mum) on your mobile, and have her heave some toilet paper through the bathroom window :p
Those are great lol (and you didn't like Ode Tae a Jobbie...meanie) You forgot the henpecked method, ring your girlfriend (or mum) on your mobile, and have her heave some toilet paper through the bathroom window :p
And they throw it through the wrong window and you're fucked again :(.
ThUnDerHaSi
17-01-05, 16:43
Use the banknote...then go to next shop and pay with the banknote...but only show the clean side of it ;)
I don't see that you'd loose face buy asking someone for some from another stall. It's not your fault, is it?
ThUnDerHaSi
17-01-05, 16:52
Be more creative...get the free repairs!!!
Ninjano2002uk
17-01-05, 17:08
I like the ninja idea but i would of went over the top instead of the floor were the piss & spit was =) altho in are work place we have a big huge mirror facing the 3 bogs so if you did climb over the top with a shit handing from ur arse anyone walking in or in the toilets for that matter would see you climbing over ninja style hehe!
:rolleyes:
And they throw it through the wrong window and you're fucked again :(.
aww :( you speaking from experience? hehe
Hell-demon
17-01-05, 18:13
2 options available....
These were told to me by friends because I myself never have this problem...SUX TO BE YOU!
Anyway here we go
1st option:
Get empty toilet roll tube and tear bits off and wipe your arse with it....painful yes....
2nd option:
If no one is around quickly squat over a sink turn it on and use it as b-day for your arse :D
Enjoy
1st option:
Get empty toilet roll tube and tear bits off and wipe your arse with it....painful yes....
I've had to do this once actually.... It was a closed toilet wich led right out to
school, I had no friends around and my cell died on me... Was my last resort,
painfull as fuck, but it will do the trick...
Use the banknote...then go to next shop and pay with the banknote...but only show the clean side of it ;)
or use it to pay a parking fine with the shitty side in full glorious smelly view :D
or use it to pay a parking fine with the shitty side in full glorious smelly view :D
*Shoves it in the mail along with his NTL bill.*
Bugs Gunny
18-01-05, 15:17
Ok......
To get out of a tricky situation like this there is only one solution:
Go into the mindset of hitchiker's guide to the galaxy.
Using your previously gathered knowledge of ancient papermaking secrets you soon realize that you can use the wooden boothdoors for your source of raw materials (as you've tried the turd but found it too soft).
Uqing the coins you start scraping away at the door, while quickly gobling up all the pieces of wood that fly off.
You chew all the wood to a gunky woodpaste and then........ *drumrol*
smear it out over the banknote.
You now have wet paper, all it needs is drying.
So brwosing around in your pantpockets you find..... matches....
Now what did we learn about matches and drying stuff..... you need paper to get a fire.... scrap that... you'll need the paper for wiping.
WOOD !!!!
Nope, you'll sacked if burn the booth..
Now what else did ancient people use for making fire........DUNG!!!
Right.... now where did we leave that big fuming turd....
All you do now i take the head off the watertank of the toilet, turn it upside down and burn that turd, while holding you banknote and wet paper over it.
Results:
Clean bum.
Nobody to blame you for clogging up the toilet with a BIG turd.
genius..if not long winded-you have that much time ?
cant help but imagine your terrible diet to be so shitty. maybe you should learn from this experience :D hypethetically of course.
Ok......
To get out of a tricky situation like this there is only one solution:
Go into the mindset of hitchiker's guide to the galaxy.
Using your previously gathered knowledge of ancient papermaking secrets you soon realize that you can use the wooden boothdoors for your source of raw materials (as you've tried the turd but found it too soft).
Uqing the coins you start scraping away at the door, while quickly gobling up all the pieces of wood that fly off.
You chew all the wood to a gunky woodpaste and then........ *drumrol*
smear it out over the banknote.
You now have wet paper, all it needs is drying.
So brwosing around in your pantpockets you find..... matches....
Now what did we learn about matches and drying stuff..... you need paper to get a fire.... scrap that... you'll need the paper for wiping.
WOOD !!!!
Nope, you'll sacked if burn the booth..
Now what else did ancient people use for making fire........DUNG!!!
Right.... now where did we leave that big fuming turd....
All you do now i take the head off the watertank of the toilet, turn it upside down and burn that turd, while holding you banknote and wet paper over it.
Results:
Clean bum.
Nobody to blame you for clogging up the toilet with a BIG turd.
sounds to me like you do this too much ole man lol :lol: :lol: :lol:
Tidus_Origin
18-01-05, 17:42
Ok......
To get out of a tricky situation like this there is only one solution:
Go into the mindset of hitchiker's guide to the galaxy.
Using your previously gathered knowledge of ancient papermaking secrets you soon realize that you can use the wooden boothdoors for your source of raw materials (as you've tried the turd but found it too soft).
Uqing the coins you start scraping away at the door, while quickly gobling up all the pieces of wood that fly off.
You chew all the wood to a gunky woodpaste and then........ *drumrol*
smear it out over the banknote.
You now have wet paper, all it needs is drying.
So brwosing around in your pantpockets you find..... matches....
Now what did we learn about matches and drying stuff..... you need paper to get a fire.... scrap that... you'll need the paper for wiping.
WOOD !!!!
Nope, you'll sacked if burn the booth..
Now what else did ancient people use for making fire........DUNG!!!
Right.... now where did we leave that big fuming turd....
All you do now i take the head off the watertank of the toilet, turn it upside down and burn that turd, while holding you banknote and wet paper over it.
Results:
Clean bum.
Nobody to blame you for clogging up the toilet with a BIG turd.
lmao. :lol:
And if you're in a busy office, it'll get you out of work for around half an hour :D
Now what else did ancient people use for making fire........DUNG!!!
Right.... now where did we leave that big fuming turd....
All you do now i take the head off the watertank of the toilet, turn it upside down and burn that turd, while holding you banknote and wet paper over it.
Question.
What if the "fuel" has been immersed in water so it's all....well.... wet?
God, i don't even know why i'm imagining this! It's not like i stay awake at nights wondering how to set fire to a shit. :rolleyes:
Another question..
Should someone tell that bloke in the Powergen commercials who spouts on about how to save energy?
virgil caine
19-01-05, 12:07
Use the banknote, don't flush. hang about washing up a few mins. See who snaggs the nasty out of the bowl. Get a laugh for your money.
Original monk
19-01-05, 12:53
All you do now i take the head off the watertank of the toilet, turn it upside down and burn that turd, while holding you banknote and wet paper over it..
its the little things that do the trick indeed, nice detailed manual hehe
Without meaning to reject the other replies / ideas, I find Bugs Gunny's and Oath's solutions very LOL :)
keep them coming... cos I did mean the freeby you know :rolleyes:
darkservent
20-01-05, 15:13
Just ask someone to bring ur desk over to the cubicle and work from there.
Or you could just light up the whole toilets in flames with all that methane around and may make everyone run and give u the oppurtunity to quickly pop over to the other cubicle and rub down nicely but quickly before ur ass gets burned to smitherins.
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