View Full Version : [OT]Things in life you should not do...
Richard Slade
06-08-04, 22:43
I took myself the time while coloring my hair to use the extra brush I got over from the packages to run it between the buttons on the keyboard...
This keybard has been with me for +5 years...
I can now announce that this must be the most nasty thing in life I've seen
And I think it spat in my face....
Anyone else care to tell me what people shouldn't do when they got a few minutes over..?
Don't ever step in a helicopter when you only had 5 lessons, don't even think you can fly it, for you shall crash down to the ground and waiste $50K.
^^
never fart on your first date.
Richard Slade
06-08-04, 22:51
never fart on your first date.
You even had a date?
And on top of that, farting is a skill that you can master
Fart-Fu also called when you learn to shape the sound of the fart in the way you need.
So it's actually ok to fart on your first date if you know what you're doing.
Edit: No I will NOT teach you
Ok.. do you want to hear something else you should not do?
Disclaimer: If you don't like or are offended by references to genitals (although in a clinical correct manner) then STOP reading now.
-------
So... Back at the 'ol university. Life was good, studies were great and I was meeting a lot of people. Even the old gree...
errm.. wait a minute. That's not it.
Aha.
Well then. I had been seeing this girl for a while right. We didn't have a relationship per se, we only liked having sex.
Having this open "relationship" we often dared to try new things...
So... One day I was watching this discovery program, where they talked about ancient afrodisiacs and how some native people around the world still uses them. I was particularly intrigued by this one "recipie" where you supposedly should mix honey and ginger and.. err... spread it on your penis.
Later that evening I saw supposed to see this girl again, so we met at my place (my roommate was away for the weekend I believe). We were about to undress and think of something new to do when I suddenly remembered the program I saw earlier on discovery. I told her about it and she seemed amused and said sure, let's try it.
So there I am in the kitchen. Half nude, whipping together a balm of honey and ginger.
When the balm was finished, I gave her the honor to apply it.
Ok guys (refering to males now). There are plenty of stuff you can do to inflict pain through your genitals.
Now imagine that you would EMERGE YOUR PENIS IN LIQUID JALAPEŅO SAUCE!!!
I SAY GADAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMM.
I have NEVER ever... arghhhhhh... Man it began to sting immensely. I ran into the bathroom like a stuck pig to try to wash it off.
IT WOULD NOT COME OFF PROPERLY!!!?
You know that icey feeling you can get from those new "ice bathsoaps" or "icey shampoos"? It's that kind of a feeling. Even if you wash it off, the burn is still there.
Oh man...
DON'T EVER EVER TRY THAT AT HOME (OR ANYWHERE ELSE!!!).
O_o
Holy Crap! Thats just...
OBSCENE! LMAO mate!
Hmmm, something you should never do in just a few minutes... Well... At uni, we arranged to go out to a nighclub one night... (funnily enough) Unfortunately, all the personal grooming, which I take so very seriously (it's true, my beard is honed to PERFECTION), took up a good chunk of the pre club drinking time in the common room. So I grab the first bottle in my room i see, and run down to the common room on the floor below.
I proceed to unscrew the bottle, and as we were leaving in about oooh, 2 minutes, I thought a bit of a party shot was in order, at least I could have had 1 drink before we went out, and not spend too much that night...
Oh dear...
Totally ignoring the look of absolute horror on my flatmate, juliet's face, I proceded to down the bottle, y'know the strawpedo method? Whack a straw in and put it over the lip so it goes down in one? I swear you don't even taste the drink! Good for those freebie bottles that students get*
Anyways I digress. I thought i picked up a large bottle of reef, y'know the 800ml ones?
No! :lol:
Bells whiskey. Didn't taste it until a good few seconds into the quaffage. Much to the delight of everyone in the room. A third of a bottle gone, and a night i still don't fully remember.
Good times.
*For example, the bottles of SHAG you get from the dickens inn at the university of teesside, middlesbrough. It's like bargain basement WKD. Lime lemon and something i can't quite place, maybe urine. 8| I can tell you, that was the worst shag i ever had!
If your girlfriend says "lets go shower together", do NOT say "Naah.." :D
Richard Slade
07-08-04, 00:34
May I also add up with: Don't bleach your hair on your own.....
i know that by experience now atleast...
Dirk_Gently
07-08-04, 00:37
I poured hot wax on my (now ex) girlfriend, something I find kinda exhilerating.
She got most upset.
Dirk_Gently
07-08-04, 00:37
May I also add up with: Don't bleach your hair on your own.....
i know that by experience now atleast...
Don't try and bleach your pubes :)
Richard Slade
07-08-04, 00:38
I poured hot wax on my (now ex) girlfriend, something I find kinda exhilerating.
She got most upset.
Might wanna warn them first and at times even ask before...
It does help, promise
Don't try and bleach your pubes :)
If you don't want to know, do NOT for ANY reason AT ALL keep readin!
I warned you!
Here goes:
Yeah I know... They fall of at times and at times you don't get them back....
never confess to your girlfriend that you had sex with someone else, they tend not to take it very well :confused:
Dirk_Gently
07-08-04, 00:39
Might wanna warn them first and at times even ask before...
It does help, promise
I did she still got annoyed.
Women :rolleyes:
Richard Slade
07-08-04, 00:44
Another no-no: Don't take your cats sleeping place....
She's now sitting in my lap licking her crotch
And to point out.. There are many things in life I want to know...
however this is not one of those..
never throw a pebble at your friend in high winds whilst a coach with fragile windows is just behind him, not that I ever did that a few years ago in my youth *coff coff*
Never say no to Lexxuk as President!
No, wait! :confused: I mean the other way around!
Always say yes to President as Lexx.. err?
I can't remember! I don't know!
that wasnt at all confusing, just say yes to say yes to lexxuk for president!
I say yes to say yes to yes to for lexxuk as yes to president for lexxuk!
... :confused:
how bout we settle on you just sayin "omg lexxuk has the sexiest desktop I've ever seen!" and leave it at that :p
http://forum.neocron.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=2777 btw, err, hopefully that will work O_o
My Desktop is teh pwnage of all. Resitance is Futile, don't you forget!
http://194.109.220.50:21000/desktop.jpg
thats pretty darn smooth to be honest, but can you get ur desktop to tell you the temp of your hard drives? :p
No, I have a monitor for that on my PC box it self ^^
Now, here's my third eye:
http://194.109.220.50:21000/wtf.gif
Bet ya don't have that hm?
no, i have http://www.hybridbears.com/forum/html/emoticons/bear_wassat.gif DEVIL EMOTES!!!
Silent a quick tip, NEVER ask to see Lexxys third eye, forthe sake of the children
Lexxuk show us your third eye! :cool: ( had shades on, I can't see )
Richard Slade
07-08-04, 01:31
If you people don't get back into topic I most likely WILL bring in the dead baby jokes..
If you people don't get back into topic I most likely WILL bring in the dead baby jokes..
now that is something you should never do :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Clownst0pper
07-08-04, 01:37
Make sure when your parents go out, they actually do, cos getting caught when your going down on your bird in the front room, on the leather sofa, doesnt do you no favours in the long run :P
Richard Slade
07-08-04, 01:39
Make sure when your parents go out, they actually do, cos getting caught when your going down on your bird in the front room, on the leather sofa, doesnt do you no favours in the long run :P
I SO didn't need to know what you do with your pets.. DAMNIT THAT'S SICK! O_o
Make sure when your parents go out, they actually do, cos getting caught when your going down on your bird in the front room, on the leather sofa, doesnt do you no favours in the long run :P
hahahaha
I'm going to sleep. I am so going to dream bad over all the, disturbing things I read today.
Clownst0pper
07-08-04, 01:43
I SO didn't need to know what you do with your pets.. DAMNIT THAT'S SICK! O_o
Bird = GF if u aint a northerner :p
Richard Slade
07-08-04, 01:49
Bird = GF if u aint a northerner :p
I thought everyone knew about the (now) tall blonde blue eyes Swede?
B.A-Baracus
07-08-04, 02:58
Really cause bird here in the US or atleast in the philladelphia area means dick or cock, so when I read it I assumed you were trying to suck yourself off.
"the bird" could also refer to the middle finger as in "giving the bird". Doesnt really bear thinkin about O_o
I poured hot wax on my (now ex) girlfriend, something I find kinda exhilerating.
She got most upset.
Remember:
Hot wax and hair do not mix
Chocolate is a poor lubricant
Powdered sugar is not a lubricant at all...
and no, i'm not telling you the stories behind those lessons...
Richard Slade
07-08-04, 10:01
c'mon seraph, share with us
And at clownie: What's with you guys and birds anyways?
Bird this bird that....
Is it... something... you're jealous for..? 8|
never shine a laser pen in a drunk white trash man's car mirror.
and dont ever get bored and breath in that stuff from whip cream cans!! IT CAN KILL YOU
Clownst0pper
07-08-04, 11:23
c'mon seraph, share with us
And at clownie: What's with you guys and birds anyways?
Bird this bird that....
Is it... something... you're jealous for..? 8|
Dont ask me where the term bird came about in reference to your girlfriend, cos I dont know, its just a northern thing, and I kinda like it :D
Richard Slade
07-08-04, 11:37
Dont ask me where the term bird came about in reference to your girlfriend, cos I dont know, its just a northern thing, and I kinda like it :D
Define a "northern thing"?
I'm quite a bit north of you so... :p
my avatar is pretty northern ....
Richard Slade
07-08-04, 11:46
my avatar is pretty northern ....
Thought panda bears were kinda Eastern and more southern..?
QuantumDelta
07-08-04, 12:57
They are Eastern, not northern.
--
Erm, Clown, it ain't a northern thing since bristolians (the real strong bristolian types) use it all the time..
--
Funniest stuff goes to Seraphian... :p
--
Don't go for sex0r with your bird in your mates house if you're not used to quickies, even if they give you permission, they'll be pissed about how long you were bouncing on their bed :p
Cypher_Psy
07-08-04, 16:26
Don't leave an opened choc bar in the same pocket as your mobile phone...
Didn't happen to me though, someone I know ended up with a "drowned" phone, that's what you really call "death by chocolate" ... :D
never talk with your mouth full, its rude, never eat with your elbows on the tables, its also rude, never tell a girl "omfg ur ass looks massive in that!" they tend not to like that for some reason :D Seriously, I was at my sisters house, and her friend was there and I made a comment at my sister something along the lines of "damn ur gettin fat" so her friend came and hit me... so I asked her out (my sisters friend, not my sister :p)
Really cause bird here in the US or atleast in the philladelphia area means dick or cock, so when I read it I assumed you were trying to suck yourself off.
LOL
Harsh....lol
Yeah, I think bird means cock pretty much evrywhere in North America...lol..then again, these are the guys that call smokes ``fags``:p
YAY Lexxuk. Hitting on woman who hit you!
Doc Holliday
07-08-04, 17:13
LOL
Harsh....lol
Yeah, I think bird means cock pretty much evrywhere in North America...lol..then again, these are the guys that call smokes ``fags``:p
we are the guys that invented the language too :P
I know it sounds horrible, but I always giggle when I hear someone say they have to run to the store and pick up some fags...
and I'm not sure how much of a 'northern' thing using 'bird' to refer to your GF is, I'm not exactly British, so I'm not an expert, but I know some guys from Brighton that use it all the time.
YAY Lexxuk. Hitting on woman who hit you!
aye, she said yes too heh, man she had huge bo.. errr.... eyes :angel:
I know it sounds horrible, but I always giggle when I hear someone say they have to run to the store and pick up some fags...
and I'm not sure how much of a 'northern' thing using 'bird' to refer to your GF is, I'm not exactly British, so I'm not an expert, but I know some guys from Brighton that use it all the time.
hah you should try dudley then
"ah bin ya ma kid?"
Can't help but laugh as people from out of town wonder wtf people are on about
...going down on your bird.. (girlfriend as he said)
Another don't: If she smells like fish down there, dont do it.. it's a fungus infection.
Praetorian
08-08-04, 01:40
OMG phunqe... o.O
Well, do not drink 0.5 liter vodka and 0.5 liter rum in 1 hour when your taking penicillin... Not even if its your birthday...
Never crash a quakeserver because you can and your annoyed at one of the players on it... Especially not when its a server provided by your ISP...
Do not go to sleep after a party on your friends sofa without pants (because someone spilled a beer on it)... Especially when his GF decides to 'sleep' next to you instead of in her bed... :wtf:
Never think "I can overtake that car uphill"... especially if the road is bending so you cannot see more than 300 meters ahead...
Just a small selection...
Mr Friendly
08-08-04, 02:14
#27356567:
dont talk bout ronchy or nasty stuff ur roommate eats in the middle of the dinner
May I also add up with: Don't bleach your hair on your own.....
i know that by experience now atleast...
Dont bleach at all, ppl might question your sexuality.
never say to your girlfriend "here, how come ur boobs are hairy?" :D
Mr Friendly
08-08-04, 02:21
how bout we give nubs some advice on GOOD things to do :)
& things to do to turn on the girl also :-p
& dont be immature about it (directed only at ones who would be like that)
______________
neway, good thing to turn on ur girl #1:
bite her lip gently ->once<- while kissing, im not sayin repeatedly @_@ just once every now & then while kissin
Mandarin Mint
08-08-04, 02:22
Never date a blonde with three blonde sisters that all look alike..... :confused:
how bout we give nubs some advice on GOOD things to do :)
& things to do to turn on the girl also :-p
& dont be immature about it (directed only at ones who would be like that)
______________
neway, good thing to turn on ur girl #1:
bite her lip gently ->once<- while kissing, im not sayin repeatedly @_@ just once every now & then while kissin
O_o good things to do? Umm, tell her you forgot your wallet so she has to pay? no, thats a bad thing, umm, ask her if she's ever had her belly button licked... from the inside ;) :p :p :p :p
how bout we give nubs some advice on GOOD things to do :)
& things to do to turn on the girl also :-p
Man... don't get us started :p
EDIT: @Lexx.. now that is some mad tongue skills right there :p
Mr Friendly
08-08-04, 02:25
O_o good things to do? Umm, tell her you forgot your wallet so she has to pay? no, thats a bad thing, umm, ask her if she's ever had her belly button licked... from the inside ;) :p :p :p :p
rofl :lol: :lol: :lol: ;) :p
Man... don't get us started :p
EDIT: @Lexx.. now that is some mad tongue skills right there :p
nonono, "l33t tongue skills" not "mad" :p :eek:
Man... don't get us started :p
the man himself - hows your fem friend swany drink spillin' bloke?
:D
spilled toxic waste on her? or such? hahahah
ya, you got ur wicked way with her, or accidently killed her with a carrot or something? :D
the man himself - hows your fem friend swany drink spillin' bloke?
ya, you got ur wicked way with her, or accidently killed her with a carrot or something? :D
Let me put it this way...
Any physical or mental trauma I might have suffered during the coffee incident and the swan attack is gone :p
umm, you gotta be less subtle than that dude, have u slipped her some yet? ;)
umm, you gotta be less subtle than that dude, have u slipped her some yet? ;)
I think your license to be subtle or to be even remotely subtle expired way back Lexx :p
...and yes to any further questions :p
EDIT: I misread your sentence... I read "you gotta be more subtle" :p
yes? my next question was "did she tell you she was a lesbian then run away and join a convent"... omg, i'm sorry dude <3 *cries* it was the swan that did it, honest *cries more*
yes? my next question was "did she tell you she was a lesbian then run away and join a convent"... omg, i'm sorry dude <3 *cries* it was the swan that did it, honest *cries more*
I think you have a problem with your keyb.sys Lexxuk.
For you that couldn't read what he was typing it's supposed to be
yes? my next question was "did she tell you she was a bisexual then run away to get more bisexual friends?"...
I had a bisexual girlfriend once, we sat at the train station eyein up the women together, like guys do with us askin each other "what bout her?" heh, ahh, them were the days :D
I had a bisexual girlfriend once, we sat at the train station eyein up the women together, like guys do with us askin each other "what bout her?" heh, ahh, them were the days :D
OMG Benjie?!
j/k ;) ;) :)
OMG Benjie?!
j/k ;) ;) :)
girlfriend!! :lol: :lol: :lol: though I'm sure Benji is a very nice person, I'm hetrosexual and not bi :p
girlfriend!! :lol: :lol: :lol: though I'm sure Benji is a very nice person, I'm hetrosexual and not bi :p
If you have a drunk G/f, with lip pierced don't let her go down on you if the you are wearing a towlin dressing gown..... :angel:
as stray strands of cotton get stuck...and she ends up with face stuck to dressing gown :lol: :lol:
Don't ever have sex with a puppy/ young dog in the room........cold nose + tounge god dam it............
When meeting a friend of your g/f's, don't meet them and say " so your the one who used the cucumber on your self 8| " they don't like it (in my case the one i said it to as a joke...actually did and it split my g/f (ex) and her up as friends :D
girlfriend!! :lol: :lol: :lol: though I'm sure Benji is a very nice person, I'm hetrosexual and not bi :p
you're missing half the fun lexxuk
Not to mention being bi doubles your chances of a date on saturday night... and I'm sure you could use all the help you can get :p jk jk jk jk
Ewww! It was the Gay Parade in our city last night, I was afraid to go to the city but I did go, to the movie, not to the Gay Parade :p
well if i had a girlfriend i'd just call her biatch
Ewww! It was the Gay Parade in our city last night, I was afraid to go to the city but I did go, to the movie, not to the Gay Parade :p
dude i live like 40 mins for san franciso :P
THE_TICK!!!!
08-08-04, 10:54
hmmmmm...ok imagine this a bedroom you....nekkid...a woman...nekkid...your on your knees next to the bed.....doing well im sure you can guess...and onoz...a KITTEN under the bed...checkin out that cool new toy swinging to and fro ....needless to say there was blood :(
sanityislost
08-08-04, 10:57
erm dude if your talking about what i think you on about....ouchy :/
lol least u didnt have it pierced then there prolly woulda been ripping lolol
SiL ..:..
Richard Slade
09-08-04, 06:37
I can now add up with another nono
Don't have a girlie hit on you like HELL and then forget to take her number.. :(
hmmmmm...ok imagine this a bedroom you....nekkid...a woman...nekkid...your on your knees next to the bed.....doing well im sure you can guess...and onoz...a KITTEN under the bed...checkin out that cool new toy swinging to and fro ....needless to say there was blood :(
omg that made me cringe.
Never do things that start with "Oh come on, cops will never get us.", "Shut up, i can still drive perfectly." and "Come on, your parents will never find out!"
:p
Never do things that start with "Oh come on, cops will never get us.", "Shut up, i can still drive perfectly." and "Come on, your parents will never find out!"
:p
Add to that anything preceded by:
"Come on, my parents won't be home for over an hour!"
<<that was a BAD one>>
"it's only 50 miligrams, you can handle it"
<<That was a WORSE one>>
"It's not illegal in this state"
<<Didn't happen to me, happened to a close friend, as it turns out, it IS illegal in this state :lol:>>
maggotcorpse
09-08-04, 21:24
Dont steal
dont kill
dont beat up Women (that is really a Thing you shouldnt do ... )
dont beat up Women (that is really a Thing you shouldnt do ... )
Yeah, cause some of us would Fsking kick your ass.
Yeah, cause some of us would Fsking kick your ass.
Maybe not, but we who have GFs, wifes or anything inside our head will :rolleyes:
Damn I really hate that when you go to bar with your friends and have a great time then someone in the next table slaps his GF... It just ruins the mood and after some of us grabs the guy we all get thrown out...
Oh and Im not sure if this has been added but if your GF is drunk and she likes to try out new things never say "I will do anything you want" to her :p
Contrary to popular belief, 15 pints of guiness is NOT getting into the spirit of st paddy's day. It's getting into the back of an ambulance. GO IAN!
Dont say following to your GF:
Her: "Does my Ass look big in theese pants" ?
Me: "That aint the pants babe"
...next thing i know i had a very red cheek with nice outlines of a small fist...with rings.
Also vodka in your anus can be deadly (Luckely i didnt try THAT)
....its from Discovery....i swear
Also vodka in your anus can be deadly (Luckely i didnt try THAT)
....its from Discovery....i swear
How in the Hell did anyone find that out!?! I've heard the same thing (some girls at my old high-school got drunk off of everclear-soaked tampons, one wound up in the hospital, great for stealth-'drinking' but you tend to absorb WAY too much)
I wonder who the hell first thought of that!?!
Dirk_Gently
10-08-04, 03:29
Don't accidentally switch your webcam onto broadcast when you are standing naked in front of it.
The people I was talking to at the time still don't believe it was an accident.
hillarious thread.. i've got 2 things to add.
1. never give your girlfriend a cute satin gift box looking like it holds jewelry when it really pops out colourfull fuzzy balls into her greedy little jewel-drooling face.
2. never ride a shopping cart pushed by a car and crash.
3. never forget to shut off your webcam.
these are things i myself, as a free service for you all, have tried. and it's not recommended.. at all.... O_o
edit: i've got video proof of the carstunt, will post it when i can get to it. and no, i dont have video proof of the webcam incident.. you sick fuck
hmmmmm...ok imagine this a bedroom you....nekkid...a woman...nekkid...your on your knees next to the bed.....doing well im sure you can guess...and onoz...a KITTEN under the bed...checkin out that cool new toy swinging to and fro ....needless to say there was blood :(
Can I borrow your cat?
1. never give your girlfriend a cute satin gift box looking like it holds jewelry when it really pops out colourfull fuzzy balls into her greedy little jewel-drooling face.
2. never ride a shopping cart pushed by a car and crash.
1. Broke my arm because of that.
2. Broke my arm because of that.
Damn, i suck at women. :p
Well 1. didnt really break my arm but i got a nice punch in the face. :)
If i may add.
"I'm pregnant!" is the best way to stop your heart from beating.
"I think i`m pregnant!" is the one for you kids out there....
hillarious thread.. i've got 2 things to add.
1. never give your girlfriend a cute satin gift box looking like it holds jewelry when it really pops out colourfull fuzzy balls into her greedy little jewel-drooling face.
2. never ride a shopping cart pushed by a car and crash.
3. never forget to shut off your webcam.
these are things i myself, as a free service for you all, have tried. and it's not recommended.. at all.... O_o
edit: i've got video proof of the carstunt, will post it when i can get to it. and no, i dont have video proof of the webcam incident.. you sick fuck
couldnt edit so i quote myself instead.. just wanted to add that the #1 was on valentines day, about 2 minutes after i recieved a silver necklace from her. *evil* and no, i didnt have a second gift or anything.. i'm just evil.
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