SilentEye
26-06-04, 11:27
Hey,
I have a friend here, who tried to post a little problem on one of those immature forums, of course you can understand how that turned out, much swearing.
I told her I could post it here for her because I was sure that the answers here would be mature, and would help.
So don't let me down boys :)
Don't be afraid to read a little text dudes.
Here's the message:
I need advice. For the sake of privacy reasons, I'll exclude names and just try to be as clear as I possibly can.
I have a good friend, whose friendship I am in danger of losing. She's going through rough times. Her mother and father are getting a divorce because he was having an affair. She's also trying to keep up with her college work. Her main problem, though, is that she's got muddled feelings for this guy. He's been a friend of hers for years and now he's in love with her. She knows about his feelings, but she doesn't know how she feels about him. Yet when she's with him, its obvious she's happy. I can understand why. Out of all of the guys she's been with, he's the only one who is willing to go places and do things with her, buy things for her, and treat her like she should be treated. One thing that gets me is that he's possessive. When a mutual friend of ours told him that her mother didn't want her to be coming home late all the time, he responded "Well, she's just going to have to get used to (my friend) coming home late." Majorly wrong.
The problem is, though, that she doesn't know her feelings for him, and yet she's sleeping with him, fooling around with him, and, from my point of view and that of others, leading him on in thinking that she loves him as much as he loves her. She lets him cling to her like velcro and she does the same in kind. In most of the group activities we do lately, when our friends are together, she brings him along. No matter where we go, eventually his face will turn up. She's also been blowing off her friends to be with him. One incident, as an example, was that another friend and I had gone out to get something to eat and visit another friend because he was depressed. We called them and told them to come down. They never did. They kept calling and saying they'd be there shortly, but never came. I hear later that he (the guy she's confused over) kept saying he didn't want to go and refused to get up. He was her only transportation at the time. I can drive, but she never called me to come pick her up. She just let him keep her there. This was an example of his possessiveness and, in my opinion, manipulation. She's letting him do it, too. So, you can imagine that I REALLY don't like him. Admittedly, he's the best guy she's ever been with, but his possessiveness is a real turn-off.
So while I fumed internally, I despised him more and more. I got a bit jealous. I became more enraged at the fact that she's sleeping with him, but can't even define her feelings for him. The fact that she includes him in nearly everything we do now also makes me fume. Sometimes we just want it between friends, meaning excluding the boyfriend person. Whenever he shows up, the evening just seems to die right then and there. All of our friends know that when he shows up, things just go bad. Nothing goes as planned, things get changed, and they are all over each other while the rest of us just sit and watch. Of course, we never brought it up what we were thinking, seeing, and feeling.
A couple days ago she came online. She never does that except when things are bad or she has bad news. Sure enough, she asked me the wrong question. She asked me what grudge I had against this guy. I was still fuming about the fact that she had wanted to include him in plans that we had made months ago, which never included him and I never planned them to, so when she asked me that question, I blew up. I exploded and let out all of my feelings, while still being somewhat rational. I mentioned everything that I saw, well except for the part about her sleeping with him. She got angry. We argued. She went offline for a while, then came back and we talked a little more rationally. Then, it just went bad again. I haven't seen her or spoken to her since that night. So, I'm worried that she's angry with me to the point that she won't speak with me.
I fee like a heel for hurting her feelings, but I know what I said was right. Still, despite that, I feel bad for arguing with her. Now I feel dead inside from the rush of negative emotions that come in waves from time to time. I'm at a complete loss and I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her or go to her house and face her. I don't know if I can do that just yet. I've got a nother friend of ours trying to encourage me to face her, but I'm scared to. I'm worried that our friendship has fallen completely. I don't want her to be angry with me and I don't want to be angry with her. Its just that, at this point, I'm at a total loss of what I should do. There are things that sound right, but I still don't know. I'm stuck.
So, that's my problem. I'm stuck and I need help from other POV's. Also, I have to ask, would you do what she's doing? Would you lead someone on like that when you still can't decide on how you feel for them? Would you sleep with them and fool around with them if you were so confused? It just doesn't seem right to me.
I feel like crying, but I can't. I just know that I can't solve this by myself. Please, please help me.
I have a friend here, who tried to post a little problem on one of those immature forums, of course you can understand how that turned out, much swearing.
I told her I could post it here for her because I was sure that the answers here would be mature, and would help.
So don't let me down boys :)
Don't be afraid to read a little text dudes.
Here's the message:
I need advice. For the sake of privacy reasons, I'll exclude names and just try to be as clear as I possibly can.
I have a good friend, whose friendship I am in danger of losing. She's going through rough times. Her mother and father are getting a divorce because he was having an affair. She's also trying to keep up with her college work. Her main problem, though, is that she's got muddled feelings for this guy. He's been a friend of hers for years and now he's in love with her. She knows about his feelings, but she doesn't know how she feels about him. Yet when she's with him, its obvious she's happy. I can understand why. Out of all of the guys she's been with, he's the only one who is willing to go places and do things with her, buy things for her, and treat her like she should be treated. One thing that gets me is that he's possessive. When a mutual friend of ours told him that her mother didn't want her to be coming home late all the time, he responded "Well, she's just going to have to get used to (my friend) coming home late." Majorly wrong.
The problem is, though, that she doesn't know her feelings for him, and yet she's sleeping with him, fooling around with him, and, from my point of view and that of others, leading him on in thinking that she loves him as much as he loves her. She lets him cling to her like velcro and she does the same in kind. In most of the group activities we do lately, when our friends are together, she brings him along. No matter where we go, eventually his face will turn up. She's also been blowing off her friends to be with him. One incident, as an example, was that another friend and I had gone out to get something to eat and visit another friend because he was depressed. We called them and told them to come down. They never did. They kept calling and saying they'd be there shortly, but never came. I hear later that he (the guy she's confused over) kept saying he didn't want to go and refused to get up. He was her only transportation at the time. I can drive, but she never called me to come pick her up. She just let him keep her there. This was an example of his possessiveness and, in my opinion, manipulation. She's letting him do it, too. So, you can imagine that I REALLY don't like him. Admittedly, he's the best guy she's ever been with, but his possessiveness is a real turn-off.
So while I fumed internally, I despised him more and more. I got a bit jealous. I became more enraged at the fact that she's sleeping with him, but can't even define her feelings for him. The fact that she includes him in nearly everything we do now also makes me fume. Sometimes we just want it between friends, meaning excluding the boyfriend person. Whenever he shows up, the evening just seems to die right then and there. All of our friends know that when he shows up, things just go bad. Nothing goes as planned, things get changed, and they are all over each other while the rest of us just sit and watch. Of course, we never brought it up what we were thinking, seeing, and feeling.
A couple days ago she came online. She never does that except when things are bad or she has bad news. Sure enough, she asked me the wrong question. She asked me what grudge I had against this guy. I was still fuming about the fact that she had wanted to include him in plans that we had made months ago, which never included him and I never planned them to, so when she asked me that question, I blew up. I exploded and let out all of my feelings, while still being somewhat rational. I mentioned everything that I saw, well except for the part about her sleeping with him. She got angry. We argued. She went offline for a while, then came back and we talked a little more rationally. Then, it just went bad again. I haven't seen her or spoken to her since that night. So, I'm worried that she's angry with me to the point that she won't speak with me.
I fee like a heel for hurting her feelings, but I know what I said was right. Still, despite that, I feel bad for arguing with her. Now I feel dead inside from the rush of negative emotions that come in waves from time to time. I'm at a complete loss and I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should call her or go to her house and face her. I don't know if I can do that just yet. I've got a nother friend of ours trying to encourage me to face her, but I'm scared to. I'm worried that our friendship has fallen completely. I don't want her to be angry with me and I don't want to be angry with her. Its just that, at this point, I'm at a total loss of what I should do. There are things that sound right, but I still don't know. I'm stuck.
So, that's my problem. I'm stuck and I need help from other POV's. Also, I have to ask, would you do what she's doing? Would you lead someone on like that when you still can't decide on how you feel for them? Would you sleep with them and fool around with them if you were so confused? It just doesn't seem right to me.
I feel like crying, but I can't. I just know that I can't solve this by myself. Please, please help me.