Lexxuk
30-05-04, 15:08
Another short story :p
After a heavy night on the town, George felt like crap, he was sure the beer was rotten, and he'd drunk 20 pints of it, just to make sure. Thankfully, after years of abuse, his liver had turned into a large lump of iron, and his stomach was coated with enough protection to stop a volcano, but still, George felt like crap.
Searching around in his pocket, he found the spell he was looking for, and quickly fired off a shot. 3 seconds later a bolt of white-blue came from the sky and hit his foot. George swore, he hated it when that happened. A quick fumble, and George found the spell he really wanted, his Crahn Catharis.
He held it in his hand, and tried to focus (which, when your seeing 15 of the same thing, all blured together, with pink elephants doing the twist on top, is kind of a feat in itself) and, pulled the trigger. Instantly, the spell fizzled.
George tried again, and again, and again, each time he tried, the spell fizzled, it was obviously broke! George looked at the module, and saw the number for technical support written on the back. He wandered over to his phone, and dialed the number. A bright, cheerful female voice greeted him.
"Welcome to the Crahn Automated Technical Support And Service Centre. To help us to more efficiently deal with your call, please choose from the following selection."
Then, in some superfast language that George couldnt understand:
"callscostfivehundredneocroncreditsperseconddeductedfromyourphonebilll"
George was sure it was important, but, obviously it wasnt else they would have spelt it out clearer. The voice continued.
"To hail Crahn, in all his might and glory, press 1"
"To curse Reeza, and his infidels, who spit in the face of our almighty Crahn, press 2"
"To make a donation to the 'assasinate a FA' fund, press 3"
"To send us a compliment on the good work we do, press 4"
"For support on our Armours, press 5"
"For support on our Medicines, press 6"
"For support on our special Armour's, press 7"
"For support on our Aggressive modules, press 8"
"For support on dealing with Automated Support Systems, press 9"
"For support on Passive modules, press 0"
"For all other support options, please hold"
George quickly pressed the 0 button.
"Thank you, you are through to the, Automated Support Service for... Passive modules"
"To help us to deal with your call quicker, please select from the following options."
"To hail Crahn, in all his might and glory, press 1"
"To curse Reeza, and his infidels, who spit in the face of our almighty Crahn, press 2"
"To make a donation to the 'assasinate a FA' fund, press 3"
"To send us a compliment on the good work we do, press 4"
"For all other options, please hold and a customer support representitive will be with you shortly. Please have your credit card ready. Support costs 250NC per question"
George looked at his bank account, he had a nice round figure of 0, still, his credit card was fine, he's stolen it off some dead Spy's quickbelt last night. The phone was answered.
"Hi, your through to technical support, my names Kyle, could you please give me your credit card information." came the voice down the phone line
"err, you want the 12 digits first?" George asked, as he heard a strange 'ker-ching' sound in the background
"yes please sir" came the voice
"what was that noise a second ago?" George asked, as the ker-ching came again.
"oh, thats just our monitoring system sir"
"oh, ok, well, numbers are.." George gave out the numbers, but didnt hear no ker-ching
"ok sir, what seems to be the problem?"
"with the spell?" - ker-ching
"yes sir"
"well, its not working"
"oh, could you be more specific?"
"you want me to?" - ker-ching
"that would help sir"
"well, its fizzling out, and it shouldnt do that, should it?" - ker-ching
"no sir, it shouldnt. Do you know which model you are using?"
"how do I find that out?" - ker-ching
"its written on the back sir, where it says 'Model'"
"oh, ahh, you mean where it says Crahn Catharis?" - ker-ching
"yes sir, that means your using the Crahn Catharis. Could you tell me the serial number please sir?"
"oh, you mean them 8 numbers?" - ker-ching
"yes sir"
"oh, right 74520012, that them?" - ker-ching
"yes sir, let me just bring up the details a second... ahh... hmm.. ahh... you didnt buy this in a store I take it sir?"
"no, i got it made up, does that make a difference?" - BUZZZZZ, was the sound this time, instead of a ker-ching.
"oh, sorry sir, that buzz means you've asked too many questions, and your credit card is now maxed. Thank you for calling Crahn Technical Support - May Crahn Be With You!!"
The agent hung up, George screamed, threw up, then threw his spell away.
After a heavy night on the town, George felt like crap, he was sure the beer was rotten, and he'd drunk 20 pints of it, just to make sure. Thankfully, after years of abuse, his liver had turned into a large lump of iron, and his stomach was coated with enough protection to stop a volcano, but still, George felt like crap.
Searching around in his pocket, he found the spell he was looking for, and quickly fired off a shot. 3 seconds later a bolt of white-blue came from the sky and hit his foot. George swore, he hated it when that happened. A quick fumble, and George found the spell he really wanted, his Crahn Catharis.
He held it in his hand, and tried to focus (which, when your seeing 15 of the same thing, all blured together, with pink elephants doing the twist on top, is kind of a feat in itself) and, pulled the trigger. Instantly, the spell fizzled.
George tried again, and again, and again, each time he tried, the spell fizzled, it was obviously broke! George looked at the module, and saw the number for technical support written on the back. He wandered over to his phone, and dialed the number. A bright, cheerful female voice greeted him.
"Welcome to the Crahn Automated Technical Support And Service Centre. To help us to more efficiently deal with your call, please choose from the following selection."
Then, in some superfast language that George couldnt understand:
"callscostfivehundredneocroncreditsperseconddeductedfromyourphonebilll"
George was sure it was important, but, obviously it wasnt else they would have spelt it out clearer. The voice continued.
"To hail Crahn, in all his might and glory, press 1"
"To curse Reeza, and his infidels, who spit in the face of our almighty Crahn, press 2"
"To make a donation to the 'assasinate a FA' fund, press 3"
"To send us a compliment on the good work we do, press 4"
"For support on our Armours, press 5"
"For support on our Medicines, press 6"
"For support on our special Armour's, press 7"
"For support on our Aggressive modules, press 8"
"For support on dealing with Automated Support Systems, press 9"
"For support on Passive modules, press 0"
"For all other support options, please hold"
George quickly pressed the 0 button.
"Thank you, you are through to the, Automated Support Service for... Passive modules"
"To help us to deal with your call quicker, please select from the following options."
"To hail Crahn, in all his might and glory, press 1"
"To curse Reeza, and his infidels, who spit in the face of our almighty Crahn, press 2"
"To make a donation to the 'assasinate a FA' fund, press 3"
"To send us a compliment on the good work we do, press 4"
"For all other options, please hold and a customer support representitive will be with you shortly. Please have your credit card ready. Support costs 250NC per question"
George looked at his bank account, he had a nice round figure of 0, still, his credit card was fine, he's stolen it off some dead Spy's quickbelt last night. The phone was answered.
"Hi, your through to technical support, my names Kyle, could you please give me your credit card information." came the voice down the phone line
"err, you want the 12 digits first?" George asked, as he heard a strange 'ker-ching' sound in the background
"yes please sir" came the voice
"what was that noise a second ago?" George asked, as the ker-ching came again.
"oh, thats just our monitoring system sir"
"oh, ok, well, numbers are.." George gave out the numbers, but didnt hear no ker-ching
"ok sir, what seems to be the problem?"
"with the spell?" - ker-ching
"yes sir"
"well, its not working"
"oh, could you be more specific?"
"you want me to?" - ker-ching
"that would help sir"
"well, its fizzling out, and it shouldnt do that, should it?" - ker-ching
"no sir, it shouldnt. Do you know which model you are using?"
"how do I find that out?" - ker-ching
"its written on the back sir, where it says 'Model'"
"oh, ahh, you mean where it says Crahn Catharis?" - ker-ching
"yes sir, that means your using the Crahn Catharis. Could you tell me the serial number please sir?"
"oh, you mean them 8 numbers?" - ker-ching
"yes sir"
"oh, right 74520012, that them?" - ker-ching
"yes sir, let me just bring up the details a second... ahh... hmm.. ahh... you didnt buy this in a store I take it sir?"
"no, i got it made up, does that make a difference?" - BUZZZZZ, was the sound this time, instead of a ker-ching.
"oh, sorry sir, that buzz means you've asked too many questions, and your credit card is now maxed. Thank you for calling Crahn Technical Support - May Crahn Be With You!!"
The agent hung up, George screamed, threw up, then threw his spell away.